Married with Kaoru
by Zurthuryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu
Summary: It's influenced a little bit by the TV sitcom Married...with Children. Read as Kenshin and his friends have misadventures. Status update: it's been a while since we wrote a new chapter and put it up here, but we're not done yet. We're just working on another story right now (see our profile for more info). Sometime we're going to start working on it again. Thank you for reading.
1. Episode 1 (Pilot)

MARRIED… WITH KAORU

Disclaimer: We do not own Rurouni Kenshin in any way! These stories are made solely for the purpose of entertainment. We do not intend to make a profit off them.

Introduction

Welcome to this creation, which we call "Married… with Kaoru." All these episodes are written by me, Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu, and my co-forger, Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone. This project was influenced a little bit by "Married… with Children," hence the title. First, I will describe the setting of the story and the characters. The story takes place in Tokyo, just like the show. Kenshin is twenty-eight and Kaoru is twenty-seven. Kaoru makes the money in the family. She teaches classes in her dojo, and Kenshin does the chores. They are married, and Kenji is their son. He is ten and his best friend is Yahiko, who is also ten. Sano and Megumi are married and they live next door to Kenshin. Sano is twenty-five and Megumi is twenty-six. Megumi is a doctor, so she supports Sano and herself by treating the wounded and sick. Second, I will describe how the story is setup. This will be written like a TV show. It will have multiple episodes divided into seasons. There will be thirteen episodes per season. We hope you enjoy this series. We have a whole bunch of episode plots already made out, so we'll see what happens. We really encourage and appreciate reviews. Our main concern is that people find these stories funny. Thank you for your support!

Season 1

NO KAORU NONE THE RICHER

It was a day just like any other at the Kamiya dojo. Yahiko was awaiting his lesson with Kaoru. Being the brat that he was, he decided to give her a little welcoming ceremony. He hid right next to the door; so no one could see him as they came in. While he did this, Kaoru walked calmly to the dojo, unaware of what was about to happen. As she walked in the door and made her way inside, Yahiko jumped from the wall screaming. Kaoru then jumped in the air and almost fell on her back. When she saw that it was Yahiko, she was pissed. "Yahiko, you little turd," she hollered.

She then grabbed her bokken that she had dropped and went after Yahiko. Yahiko ran out of the dojo with Kaoru swinging the bokken behind him. "Help me," he screamed, "Kaoru is trying to obliterate me!"

Kaoru caught up with him, grabbed his shirt, and dragged him off to the dojo.

"Listen to me you little hellion," Kaoru snapped, "You have to respect your elders, such as me. You nearly scarred me half to death. If you ever pull any crap like this again, you will be severally punished. You are now going to remain in this corner and think about what you have done."

She then stormed off.

"Stupid Kaoru," Yahiko said to himself. "She has no authority over me. I must find some way to get revenge on her."

He then went outside. While he was outside, he saw Kenshin trying to balance on a rock. Kenshin lost his balance, fell off, and landed in a mud hole. "Cool," Kenshin cried, "This is way excellent. My clothes are all dirty. Now, Kaoru has more laundry to do. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Wait a second; I do the laundry! Damn it!"

Yahiko then got an evil smirk on his face. He said, "I have figured it out. I will steal the one thing that Kaoru treasures most. I will steal Kenshin! Ha, ha, ha ,ha!"

"Yahiko, what are you laughing at?" asked Kenshin as he walked up to him.

"Uh…look, there's some saké over by that tree," he said as he pointed.

"Saké!" Kenshin said as he started drooling, while staring blankly into space.

He then ran over to the tree to find the imaginary saké. Yahiko decided to get into Sano's house because his wife, Megumi, had all kinds of herbs and potions. He sneaked up to their house and he quietly opened the door and walked in. As he walked to their room, Sano saw him. He asked, "What are you doing in my house?"

"Well, why wouldn't I be in your house?" asked Yahiko.

"Uh…good point, I'll see you later."

Sano then trailed off outside.

"Yes! Score one for Yahiko. I hope I don't run into Megumi. She's the only one who has any brains around here."

He then got into Megumi's special room where she kept all her medical stuff. After rummaging through her things and invading her privacy, he found a potion that would put Kenshin to sleep. While looking at the bottle, he saw a label. "It says here," quoting Yahiko, "that it may cause a coma. Ah well, it will be Kenshin's problem then."

He then took it and ran off. Kenshin was in the dojo sitting on the floor. He was thinking of a happy place. He was thinking of a place where Kaoru did not exist. Yahiko came up to him very excited. He said, "Hey Kenshin, want some saké?"

Kenshin thought to himself for a while. He said in his mind, "Something is not right. Yahiko is never this nice to me."

He then said to Yahiko, "Yahiko, I know what is going on."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. You finally realized how cool I am and you want to do things for me."

"Uh, yeah that's it."

"Ok, go get me some of that saké!"

Yahiko then left the room to get the saké. "What an idiot!" thought Yahiko as he walked to the kitchen.

Yahiko swiftly returned with the drugged saké. He gave the cup to Kenshin and he drank it. Kenshin could feel his brain imploding. Kenshin then fell to the ground, completely knocked out. Yahiko grabbed Kenshin's arms and started to drag him off.

Yahiko mumbled as he dragged Kenshin, "I can't believe how much this guy weighs. It is like dragging a sack of crap around. Hold on, this is a sack of crap."

After an hour or so, Yahiko arrived at his house. He took Kenshin and tied him to a tree in a sitting position. He took Kenshin's sword so he could not use it to cut the rope. As he held the sword to the sun he said to himself, "I wonder what I should do with this. Maybe I can sell it to the mob or something."

After a few more minutes, Kenshin finally came to. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You are at my house," said Yahiko. "I have kidnapped you to get revenge on Kaoru. You can plead with me all you want, but I will never let you go."

"If I am stuck here, then I do not have to deal with Kaoru. Sweet!"

"Ok? I will bring you some supper when it's ready."

He then went into his house.

Kenshin said to himself, "I am the luckiest man alive. I don't have to listen to Kaoru's constant nagging and winning and complaining. I don't have to do mind numbing chores anymore, and the best part is that I don't have to eat her awful cooking!"

He then started bobbing his head from side to side while repeating "No Kaoru" over and over again. While he was tied to the tree, it rained, it snowed, there was a heat wave, the temperature dropped below zero and there was a hurricane. Eventually, Yahiko then came out of his house.

Kenshin asked Yahiko, "How long have I been out here?"

"About an hour," said Yahiko, "By the way, here's your supper."

He then chucked a rice ball rapped in see weed at Kenshin. The rice ball hit Kenshin's chest and it fell on the ground. He scoped it in his hand and then threw it at his mouth. He got it in his mouth and ate it. After he was done eating, he said to Yahiko, "Are you going to hold me up for ransom?"

The idea never crossed Yahiko's mind. This made him pretty upset. He shouted at Kenshin, "Oh, shut up!" He then walked back inside grumbling to himself.

Back at the Himura house, Kaoru was cooking dinner. She was in the midst of making miso soup. Kenji walked into the kitchen with his finger up his nose. Kaoru took a glance at him and said, "Kenji, get your finger out of your nose."

"Mom, I'm digging for gold," responded Kenji.

"That's gross."

"Alright. You win." He then expelled his finger from his left nostril.

"By the way, where is your father?"

"He probably ran away because he could smell your cooking."

Kaoru got a disgusted look on her face. "Just go find him, Ok?"

Kenji ran off to find his dad.

After a while, Kaoru went outside. When she walked out the door, Megumi was out in her yard tending her garden. She went over to her and they got into a conversation about why men are so stupid.

Yahiko came up to the house because he wanted to speak to Kenji. Kaoru saw him and got an idea. She thought that maybe Yahiko was behind Kenshin's mysterious disappearance. She went up and confronted him. "Do you know where Kenshin is?" asked Kaoru.

Yahiko said, "I can honestly say no."

"Somehow I don't trust you."

She then grabbed Yahiko and told Megumi to retrieve Sano and then meet her in the dojo for further instructions. She then marched with Yahiko up to the dojo. She took him inside and continued to hold on to him. Sano and Megumi came running into the room. "Pin him down you two," said Kaoru. Sano and Megumi took Yahiko, forced him on the ground and pinned him down. Kaoru ran to the kitchen and came back with some miso soup. She said, "All right, we are going to play a little game. You either tell me where Kenshin is or I'll force to eat my miso soup." Kaoru knew that there was no one on this planet who could withstand her horrible cooking.

Yahiko said, "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

She then went over by Yahiko and took out a spoonful of soup. Yahiko immediately broke down. "All right," he said, "I'll tell you where he is. I kidnapped him and I tied him to a tree next to my house."

Kaoru pointed to the door and shouted, "Quickly. We must go to Yahiko's house. We have no time to lose."

Sano, Megumi, Kaoru and Yahiko ran all the way to his house. When they got there, it was too late. Kenshin was already dehydrated and disoriented. Kenshin looked up at them and said, "Welcome to the party, everybody."

Sano said, "What are you talking about?"

"Stop messing around, I'm having a party. Have some saké."

"Kenshin, you don't have any saké."

"I said have some saké!"

"Uh, Ok?"

Sano, Megumi and Kaoru went over and untied him. After they untied him, Kaoru gave him a big hug. She said, "I missed you so much. I thought something horrible had happened to you."

Kenshin said, "I did not miss you, that I did not. You're right something did happen to me, but it wasn't exactly horrible."

Megumi then got an idea. She whispered to Kaoru, "Let's take brat boy and give him a taste of his own medicine."

Kaoru liked the idea very much. Her and Megumi then took Yahiko and tied him to the tree with the rope. Everyone then started walking away. Yahiko screamed, "If this is a joke, it can end now. Guys! Guys! Don't leave me here!"

Kaoru and Kenshin eventually walked into the house. Kenji came into the room and asked, "Dad, where were you?"

"I was in paradise," said Kenshin, "but then your mother had to come and ruin it."

They all went into the kitchen and ate their dinner. Then everyone went to their bedrooms because it was time to go to sleep. Kenshin was laying on their futon remembering about his time in paradise. Kaoru then came into the room, sat on the futon, and laid next to him. She said to him, "Do you know what I feel like doing?"

Kenshin gulped and said with a horrified look on his face, "What?"

Kaoru then jumped on top of him and started ripping his robe open. "No Kaoru," Kenshin shirked, "No…"

The End


	2. Episode 2

HOME DISAPPROVEMENT

It was another typical day at the Himura household. Kaoru, Kenji, and Kenshin were sitting down to a luxurious breakfast in their breakfast nook. Kaoru slopped a U.F.O. (unidentified food object) on the table in a big bowl. It was green and had little specks of different colors in it. Kenji stuck his chopstick into it and then it got sucked in. "Hey," Kenji said, "It sucked in my chopstick."

"Uh, that can't be good," said Kenshin.

Kaoru then dished the colorful mass on everyone's plate. After it was all dished out, the bowl was completely empty. "Where's my chopstick?" questioned Kenji.

Kenshin said, "It looks as though the food had digested it, that it did."

"Come on now," said Kaoru, "My cooking isn't that bad."

"Now, don't sell yourself short," said Kenshin.

"Oh, shut up!" Kaoru said bluntly as she started to eat the food.

Kenshin then worked up enough courage to try the food. He picked up some of it and slowly put it in his mouth. He got a grimaced look on his face and said, "Wow, I can see sound and hear colors."

"Kenshin," Kaoru said aggravated, "Stop messing around and finish your meal."

"Yes dear," stated Kenshin. He then ate the rest of it without causing any more problems.

After they were done, Kaoru cleaned up the table and began to wash the dishes. As always, Kenshin tried to sneak out so he wouldn't have to do any work, but Kaoru caught him and forced him to dry them. Kenji was about to leave the kitchen, but then his foot went through the floor. "Hey ma," Kenji said, "Our crap shack is falling apart."

"Watch your language," scolded Kaoru.

"Fine." He then scampered off somewhere.

"That reminds me Kenshin, our house is starting to become dilapidated. We should hire some professionals to fix it up."

"No way! I can do it, but I need a sidekick. I need someone who has a strong work ethic and is responsible. Wait a minute, I've got it!"

"What do you want?" asked Sano as he was swinging his zanbattou around carelessly in his backyard.

"I am going to do some home improvement and I need a sidekick," said Kenshin.

"Well, what's in it for me?"

"The gratitude of knowing that you did a job well done."

"Cool!"

Sano and Kenshin then headed to the market to obtain some supplies. Their main concern was that the things they bought either had to be cheap or on sale. They did not have much money to spend. They bought some lumber and glue and headed back to Kenshin's house. Tools were not a problem since Sano and Kenshin owned some that would come in handy. After surveying the premise for some time, Kaoru forced them to start before monsoon season started.

While Kenshin and Sano were engulfed with their masculinity, Megumi came over trying to find Sano. "Hello Kaoru, do you know where Sano is?"

"Oh, hello Megumi. Yes, I know where he is. Kenshin and him are supposedly trying to fix the house. Do you want to watch the mayhem with me? I can put on some tea."

"Sure. I don't have anything else better to do."

Kenshin and Sano were bringing the phrase "whistle while you work" to a whole new level. They were singing Kenshin's theme song. Just as they broke into their stride, Kenji waltzed on over to them and politely said, "Dad your theme song sucks!" He then ran away before Kenshin could reply.

"My theme song doesn't suck, does it Sano?" asked Kenshin.

"Only when you sing it," said Sano as he laughed uncontrollably.

By the time mid-afternoon rolled around, the two handymen were at work on the sides of the house. Kenshin noticed a slight tare in one of the rice paper walls.

"What can I do about this tare," Kenshin said in his mind. "Of course! A nail will do the trick."

Kenshin picked up a nail and put it over the tare in the wall. He then took his hammer and slugged the nail through doubling the size of the hole.

"I have to use logic now. If I try a second time, maybe something different will happen. I am confident a nail can hold the rice paper together. It makes perfect sense."

Just as Kenshin shoved the second nail through, Kaoru was walking past him on the other side of the wall. The nail flew in front of her and landed at her feet. She almost spilled the tea she was carrying outside. She looked down at the nail and only one name came to her mind. "Kenshin, you dolt!" she screamed with consistent fury.

Immediately Kenshin decided that his life was more important than the rice paper wall. Sano, exhausted, walked outside of the house and approached Kenshin. He stood there ready to collapse but managed to get some words across. "Can we stop now?"

Kenshin, basking in his power, said, "Why would we do that?"

"I feel like I am going to throw up. Besides, when I repaired the hole in the kitchen floor I did something I shouldn't have. I lost some of your tools in it. By time I realized where they were, the task was done."

Kenshin turned towards Sano and took a deep breath. "Now that I think about it, I am too tired too kill you. We shall rest now and live to repair another day."

In the background Megumi and Kaoru were sitting under a huge tree sipping on their cups of tea. In the shade they were pondering today's events. They looked over at Kenshin and Sano who were now trailing into the house as the sunlight was trailing off the landscape.

"Kaoru can I make a witty observation?" asked Megumi

"Go ahead."

"I believe that Sano and Kenshin have just sacrificed their last trace of dignity in order to prove themselves as men."

"Way to go captain obvious!" Kaoru snickered as she rolled her eyes.

Sano decided to leave his materials at Kenshin's house since they would be continuing their work tomorrow. He and Megumi went back to their place to get some sleep. Kaoru went into her room and changed into her sleeping clothes. She laid on the futon and tried to go to sleep. "What kind of crap is Kenshin going to pull tomorrow?" she thought as she closed her eyes.

Kenshin then wandered into the room, changed and hopped on the futon. "I wonder what kind of death-defying manly things I'm going to do tomorrow?" he thought as he closed his eyes.

The next day, the Himura family got up early. Karou was preparing for the worst, Kenji was outside playing, and Kenshin was getting ready for some home improvement. Kenshin then went outside to survey more of the house. Kaoru was sitting in the living room fixing a hole that was in one of her kimonos. Kenji then walked through the rice paper wall and into the living room.

"Kenji, what on earth are you doing?" she screamed. "And besides where did you learn to do that?"

Kenji then pointed to the wall as Kenshin walked right through the paper and into the room.

"Kenshin!" she shrieked, as she stood straight up. "What in the hell do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fixing the house not destroying it."

"I'm sorry," he said. "But I promised Kenji that we would do it at least once. Besides I'll fix it later today, that I will."

Megumi walked in and said, "Kenshin, Sano is waiting for you outside."

"Ok" he said. He ran out of the door, tripped, and fell down the steps. He landed on his back on the ground.

"Y-Yeah" said Megumi. She and Kaoru went into the kitchen to prepare tea and snacks.

"Huh Kenshin, are you still banking on killing me?" asked Sano.

"No. I have a plan that involves you staying alive. We need somebody to be manipulated into crawling underneath the house to retrieve the tools."

"I think I know what you're saying."

They both turned to Kenji who was playing in a mud pit. They then walked up to him and started talking to him.

"That sounds kind of dangerous," said Kenji.

"Of course it isn't," said Sano. "If you do it, we'll give you some candy."

"Is that a bribe?"

"Yes," confessed Sano.

"Neato!" He then ran over to the house and crawled under it.

"Do you think this will work?" asked Sano.

"Not a chance," said Kenshin.

Sano then headed to the bathroom because there was a clog in the bathtub. He peered into the tub and noticed a clump of some substance sticking out of the drain. Sano reached into the drain and tried yanking on it. The surface portion came out but there was still some more goop deep inside.

"Oh man this stuff is gross," said Sano. "If I didn't know better, I'd say Kaoru switched to the bathroom for cooking."

He wasn't able to extend his hand down that far into the drain. At risk of loosing some more tools, he decided to try something different. He went to the dojo and took one of Kaoru's bokkens. He went back to the bathroom, shoved the bokken down the drain, and tried to loosen the crud. After a few moments of dislodging the junk, the bokken got jammed in the pipe. Sano started wiggling it around and then it broke in half. Sano then fell backwards into the tub where he laid disoriented. He got up, wandered to the door, and leaned against it. He then collapsed through it. Kenshin then came to the bathroom looking for Sano. He found him lying on the ground. "What are you doing in my house?" asked Sano.

"Uh, Sano, this is my house," replied Kenshin. "Now, get your dead ass of the ground and help me."

"Whatever." He picked himself off the ground.

Meanwhile, Kenji was still underneath the house. He managed to locate the tools, but he got stuck. He tried squirming for a few minutes, but then realized that death was almost certain. He then decided to resort to "Plan B."

Megumi and Kaoru were still in the kitchen. They were making some green tea and eel sushi. They were discussing today's events and were reflecting on them as usual.

"Kenshin and Sano are so cocky about fixing the house, but they have no idea what they're doing," said Kaoru.

Megumi replied, "Yeah, they think their ace carpenters, but they're just full of bull…"

Right then and there, Kenji busted through the kitchen floor. Kaoru and Megumi turned around shrieking and stared at Kenji. Kenji stared back at them with a stupefied look on his face. In the heat of the moment where everyone was stunned, he climbed out of the floor and made a run for it.

"Kenshin!" screamed Kaoru as loud as she could.

"Why is it Kenshin's fault?" asked Megumi.

"He's always the mastermind behind these events."

It got late in the day, so Sano and Megumi went back home. Kenshin decided to go for one more round and do some roof work. He got up on top of the roof without any safety measures. He was surveying the roof and then stepped on a crack unknowingly. He plummeted through the roof and landed on his futon next to Kaoru, who was trying to sleep. She turned around and said to Kenshin in a sensual voice, "Ooh, what a sexy surprise."

"Uh, yes. You have stumbled upon my plan. Let me go get the second half of it," said Kenshin convincingly as he rushed out of the room.

Kaoru got excited and sat there awake in anticipation for the whole night. As morning came and went, she awoke to find that Kenshin had never returned. Kaoru got up and went to search for her missing husband. Kaoru went into the living room and found Kenshin and Sano glued to the floor. Kenshin was upright while Sano was facedown. Megumi then came running into the room upset.

"Do you know where Sano is?" said Megumi. "He didn't come home last night and I'm worried."

Kaoru simply extended her forefinger at the floor. Megumi had a puzzled look on her face and then looked down at the floor.

"Sano, do you have anything to say before I kick your butt a hundred years back in time!" exclaimed Megumi.

"I can't breath!" squealed Sano.

"Hold on buddy. Find an air pocket," Kenshin blurted out.

All of a sudden Kaoru had an idea. "Now's our chance Megumi! Let's go down to the market and hire professionals to finish the job."

Ecstatic, Megumi followed Kaoru outside and they both headed down towards the marketplace. They managed to find some certified carpenters who would do the job. For safety reasons Sano and Kenshin were left glued to the floor while the workers properly fixed the house. After a long and humiliating day, the carpenters finely freed Kenshin and Sano from the floor. Everybody was tired and went home. Kenshin was sitting on his futon moping when Kaoru walked in on him.

"Kenshin, don't feel mad about this. You tried your best and unfortunately it wasn't good enough. So you have no basic handyman skills. I am sure there must be at most one more man like you."

"Thanks for making me feel better black-haired demon," murmured Kenshin.

"I am going to ignore that because you have an excuse to be grumpy this time."

"Battousai the Manslayer is not supposed to have faults. That's it! I'm Battousai the Manslayer! I killed many people in the revolution. I'm a great warrior."

Kenshin then stood up firm and dignified. He then extended his arm and pointed his forefinger in the air. "I shall conquer again," Kenshin said confidently.

The End


	3. Episode 3

SCHMO IN THE DOJO

Kenshin had tons of chores to do at home. It took him almost the entire day to do all of them. It actually would have taken him less time if he didn't keep trying to find ways to get out of them. In the morning, he first had to go get some water from the lake. After that, he had to tackle the laundry. In the afternoon, he had to chop wood. He then had to go over to Sano's house to help him repair some sliding doors. Like usual, Kaoru taught her classes. Kenji spent the day playing and purposely interrupting Kaoru's classes for fun. When he finally realized that Kaoru was one inch away from making him the bokken dummy, he directed his attention towards Kenshin. He followed Kenshin around and made fun of him because he got stuck with all the chores. When it came to the evening, everyone was hungry and tired. Since everyone was so busy during the day, nobody had time to make dinner. Kaoru suggested that they go to the Akabeko for beef-hot pot. Before they left, Kaoru changed into her new purple kimono with multi-colored flowers scattered around it. She also wore her hair in a ponytail, which was created by a purple hair ribbon that matched her kimono. Kenshin wanted to ware his dirty clothes, but Kaoru made him change. They all headed down to the marketplace.

While walking there, Kaoru asked Kenshin, "Why don't you hold my hand? You never show me affection in public. Come to think of it, you never show affection for me anywhere or anytime."

"Ah, do I have to?" wined Kenshin.

"Yes, and I don't want anymore complaining."

"All, alright." He then grabbed her hand.

After a few minuets they got to a shop with some old perverted guy sitting in front of it. He yelled out to them, "Hey, you two! Get a room!"

Embarrassed, Kenshin immediately let go of his wife's hand.

"That's the last time I let Kaoru talk me into doing anything stupid like that again," mumbled Kenshin as they continued walking.

They finally reached the restaurant. Some scantly clad women were standing a few feet from the door. One of the women asked Kenji, "Hey kid, looking for a good time?"

Kenji replied, "Sure."

Kaoru grabbed Kenji by the arm and told the women, "No, he really isn't."

She then pulled him into the restaurant.

"He may not be, but I sure am," said Kenshin.

Kaoru then marched back outside, took a hold of Kenshin's robe and dragged him in through the door.

They got a table in the right hand corner of the establishment. While waiting for their food, Kaoru decided to make conversation with Kenshin.

"As you know," said Kaoru, "I will be leaving for a martial arts convention in Kyoto tomorrow. Tomoe, Tae and Megumi will be accompanying me. We will be gone for a couple of days. Because of this, I have decided to put you in charge of my classes."

Kenji busted out laughing hysterically.

"You may be laughing now," said Kenshin, "But you will soon be respecting me after you see me spread my wisdom onto others and train them to be masters of the Kamiya Kasshin style."

"Yeah right," said Kenji as he continued to laugh uncontrollably.

"Screw you," said Kenshin, "Uh, by the way Kaoru, who are those people that you're going with exactly? I know who Megumi is, but who's Tomoe?"

"She runs a shop in the marketplace," said Kaoru.

"Is her shop the one with the skinned dead animals hanging in the window?"

"No, you halfwit. Her shop sells clothing and jewelry."

"Okay. Now that we have established that little fact, who's Tae?"

"She's the lady who's putting our food on the table."

Kenshin turned to look at Tae. "Okay! Now I remember," said Kenshin.

"You'll have to excuse him," said Kaoru. "He's a little slow."

"That's okay," said Tae. "I've met worse people in this place. You haven't lived till you've had to deal with drunks."

"See dad," said Kenji, "You're one step above a drunk."

Kenshin replied, "Listen, one more wisecrack out of you and you'll be looking for food in people's trash with that toothless hobo from the shop."

"I'll shut up."

"Remember," said Kaoru, "Meet me at my place around eight o'clock in the morning. The train leaves at nine. When everyone arrives, we'll then head off to the train station."

"Gotcha," said Tae. She then left and returned to her duties.

While eating, Kenji got bored so he started poking the hot bowl with his forefinger, while repeating "ow" over and over again.

"Will you stop doing that," scolded Kaoru. "You're getting on my nerves."

"Fine," said Kenji as he extracted his finger from the hot dish.

After they were done, Kaoru paid for their meal, and then they left. When they got home, Kaoru got all her luggage together to save time in the morning. While she was getting her things together, Kenji and Kenshin were getting ready for bed. After Kenshin changed into his sleeping clothes, he laid on the futon and started thinking about the big day. After a half-hour of packing, Kaoru was finished. She then changed into her sleeping clothes and then got on the futon beside Kenshin. She then snuggled up beside him and rested her hand and her head on his chest. He was way too tired to do anything about it, so he let it go. Besides, he knew he would be sound asleep, and fast.

The next day, everyone awoke at six-thirty. Kaoru jumped out of bed and flew into the bathroom to prepare herself. Kenshin just sat up on the futon and said with a huge grin on his face, "The big day has finally arrived!"

After Kaoru was done in the bathroom, she came out and started to give Kenshin a lecture about what he had to do when she was gone.

"Now Kenshin," said Kaoru, "The first class of the day starts at ten and the second class starts at two. They each run for an hour. Also make sure they start and finish on time. Now you know how the classes work, so that shouldn't be a problem."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Kenshin as he was trying to get her out of the house as soon as possible, "Besides you wrote this all down. You don't have to keep repeating it."

He then grabbed all her luggage and walked with her to the main entrance. When she opened the door Megumi, Tomoe, Tae and Sano were all standing out front. Kenji then rushed passed Kenshin, almost knocking him over, and ran out the door. Kaoru and Kenshin then went outside.

Megumi started crying a little bit and gave Sano a hug that would've killed any normal man. "I'll miss you so much," said Megumi.

She then kissed him, but it lasted a little longer then normal. When Kenshin finally came to the conclusion that they were like a minute away from actually doing it on the spot, he had to intervene.

"Okay! That's it! Time to break it up," said Kenshin. "We've seen enough for about the rest of our natural lives."

Kenshin then went over to Tomoe because there was something unique about her.

"You look familiar to me," said Kenshin. "Have we met before?"

"You look familiar too," said Tomoe, "But I swear that we've never met. I've never been over here, and every time I would run into Kaoru at the marketplace, she'd always be alone."

Kaoru then went up to Kenji and hugged him. She then kissed him on the cheek and said, "I'll see you in a couple days."

She then made her way to Kenshin and hugged him. She then gave him a huge kiss on the lips. Kenshin let this one go too because he knew that in a minute or so, he would be a free man.

"I'll see you too in a couple of days," said Kaoru. "Now don't get into any trouble while I'm gone. When I return, I expect to see our house in one piece. Understand?"

"Yes dear," said Kenshin like some kind of drone.

"Come on girls," shouted Kaoru, "Let's get a move on or we'll be late for the train."

They all walked off away from the dojo and towards the train station. "Bye, see you all soon," yelled Kenji, Kenshin and Sano all simultaneously as they waved.

When the ladies got out of sight, Kenshin yelled, "I can't believe it! We're finally free! No wives to give us orders or to tell us to do stupid crap. Sano, we are now in control of our own destiny."

"Oh, how sweet it is," said Sano. "Hey, want me to get the saké?"

"Hell yeah!" said Kenshin.

Sano went into his house and returned with some bottles. All three of them sat on Kenshin's porch drinking saké. "Hey dad," said Kenji, "Can I have some saké?"

"You're damn right you can," responded Kenshin. He then put some in a cup and gave it to him.

After a few hours of drinking saké and discussing the curvature of the space and time continuum, Kenshin realized that he had to prepare for his class.

"Sorry guys, I have to prepare for my class now," said Kenshin. "Kenji, you can go with Sano back to his place and drive him nuts for awhile."

"See you in a hour Kenshin?" asked Sano.

"Something like that."

"Come on Kenji, let's go back to my place." They then started walking off to his house.

"Can I play with your zanbatou?" asked Kenji as they continued walking.

"Sure. I don't see any harm in that," replied Sano.

Kenshin prepared for his class by planning what he was going to teach and practicing some sword techniques. When it finally struck ten, all the students were in the dojo and ready to learn. Among them was the trouble making Yahiko.

About five minuets after ten, Kenshin waltzed into the room. All the students just stared at him as he made his way to the front of the building.

Kenshin said in a firm and manly voice, "I am the instructor who will be taking the place of Kaoru Kamiya for the next few days. She is at a marital arts convention in Kyoto. First off, you will address me as Emperor Kenshin. Anything else will be unacceptable. Also, there are going to be a few changes around here. The biggest one is that we will no longer be studying the Kamiya Kasshin style. We will focus our attention towards my style: the Hiten Mitsurugi style."

One of the taller kids in the class raised his hand. He looked to be either thirteen or fourteen years old.

"What do you want ya little peon?" said Kenshin.

The boy said, "Why are we learning your style instead of the Kamiya Kasshin style?"

"Because," said Kenshin, "Her style is completely useless on the field of battle. It is for wimps. She is a peacenik who has brainwashed you with her pathetic morals and values. I am here to undo her damage and to teach you how to really fight. Now, the Hiten Mitsurugi style is what I used in the revolution. When you use it, your main focus is to kill your opponent."

Kenshin then pulled his sakabatou out of its holster.

That same kid raised his hand again and said, "Sir, I mean Emperor Kenshin, that is a reverse blade sword. It's meant for peace as well. You can't kill anybody with it."

"You dare question Emperor Kenshin?" exclaimed Kenshin. "When you enter this dojo, all rules of the universe are temporarily suspended. What I say goes. Got it?" He then flips his sword over so the blade is facing downward.

"Yes, Emperor Kenshin."

Kenshin went through the rest of the class making fun of Kaoru and her style and teaching the kids his techniques. After class, everyone left relatively excited. They all agreed that Kenshin's style was way cooler than Kaoru's.

After everyone left, Kenshin went into the kitchen to make some lunch. After lunch was done, he went next door to Sano's to tell them that lunch was ready. Sano and Kenji ran over and sat around the table as Kenshin brought the lunch over. He made all kinds of different sushi.

As they ate, Kenji thought in his mind, "This isn't really that good, but it sure is a hell of a lot better than mom's."

After lunch, Kenshin prepared for his two o'clock class. At two, everyone was in the dojo waiting to start class. Like the other class, Kenshin made his overly dramatized entrance. He then gave the whole speech of how he is right and Kaoru is wrong. He then taught them the same techniques that the other class learned. After class, these students also thought that his style was a lot better than Kaoru's. Kenshin then went over to Sano's and drank saké with him and Kenji. All afternoon they just sat around and had enlightening conversations. Some topics they discussed were: woman mud wrestling, cool ways to die, and how to tell if a molecule is held together by dipolar forces, Van der Waals forces, dispersion forces or hydrogen bonds.

When it got around suppertime, Sano went into the kitchen to make some food.

After Sano left the living room, Kenji asked Kenshin, "Can Sano even cook?"

"Damned if I know," replied Kenshin.

After a half-hour or so, and some curse words flying from the kitchen, dinner was ready. Kenshin and Kenji sat down at the table hesitantly. Sano made a huge batch of cooked vegetables, noodles and beef. Both Kenshin and Kenji thought that Sano's cooking was far superior to that of Kaoru's. After dinner, they just sat around, drank more saké, and had more discussions. When it was bedtime, Kenshin and Kenji went back to their house.

Kenshin changed into his clothes and got on the futon.

"This is excellent," said Kenshin. "I have the whole bed to myself. There is no Kaoru to yak to me about mindless stuff. Best of all, there is no Kaoru to try and make love to me."

He then sprawled all over the futon and drifted peacefully off to sleep.

Him and Kenji woke up around eight-thirty in the morning. After breakfast, Kenshin shipped Kenji over to Sano's house. Kenshin prepared for today's lessons by hammering out a technique lesson plan. This plan included a segment on the "three D's:" disembowelment, dismemberment, and decapitation. When it reached ten o'clock, Kenshin enthusiastically headed on down to the dojo. When he walked in the room, all the students got into straights lines and bowed. "All hail Emperor Kenshin," they chanted at once.

"At ease men," said Kenshin as he made his way to the front. He drudged his way through the "three D's" because some students became ill. They also did some sparing, which resulted in some minor injuries. As class approached the end, Kenshin had a mental exercise like he always did.

"Kids, there is one important life-long lesson you should learn before you die. You should never…"

All of a sudden Yahiko raised his hand to prove his worthiness to Kenshin. He said with the utter most confidence, "…do drugs."

"No!" shrieked Kenshin. "You should never get married. Marriage is a trick into destroying men. When you marry somebody, it is like tying yourself to an anchor and dropping yourself into the ocean. It doesn't matter who the woman is because they're all bad. Take my advice and don't make the same mistake I did. Women just yell at you and hound you for no reason. Oh yeah, we have a special guest here today to speak to you."

Just as Kenshin finished his sentence, Sano walked on in with his zanbatou. The children stared in ah as he made is way to the front of the dojo. The kids were completely frozen as they gazed at the mighty sword. Kenshin and Sano sat there for a few minutes seeing if the kids would break away from the spell.

"I figured this was going to happen," said Kenshin to Sano. "Watch this. Swords are meant to protect people, not kill them."

The kids all turned their attention to Kenshin with confused looks on their faces. Once Kenshin realized they were back into reality, he gave Sano the stage. "This is my best friend Sano Sagara and he will be demonstrating his zanbatou today."

"Thank you Kenshin. Kids, the zanbatou is a very mighty weapon. It can take down a man with one blow as well as the horse he's riding. Because of its size and weight though, it has never really been mastered. Now I will show you some neat tricks with it."

Sano lifted the mighty zanbatou above his head ready to do a forward chop. Unfortunately, the sword was too tall and punctured a hole right through the roof of the dojo. Debris rained down onto the floor and Sano just looked up at it for a minute.

"Uh oh." Sano proclaimed with fear.

"It's not you fault. The dojo should have been made taller to accommodate this. Well, it looks like we're out of time kids. You're dismissed."

All the kids chanted hail Emperor Kenshin and then exited the building in an organized fashion. Sano and Kenshin stayed behind wondering what they would do about the roof.

"Sano. I suggest we leave the hole in the roof for today and get at it tomorrow. What is the worst that could happen?"

"You know Kenshin, that's perfectly logical. I couldn't agree more."

Worry-free Kenshin and Sano headed back to Sano's house to gorge at lunch. At two o'clock Kenshin headed back to the dojo for his second class. The same lesson was taught and went without a hitch. Afterwards Kenshin went over to Sano's house to pick up Kenji. He and Sano were in the backyard gambling with dice.

"Kenji!" called Kenshin. "It's time to go home. I'm done for today with classes."

"Dad, look what I won today." He held up 20 yen.

Kenshin whispered to Sano, "I see you let him win."

"You wish! That little punk cleaned me out."

Kenshin and Kenji returned back to their house to start dinner. After eating Kenshin gave Kenji a lecture on how Kaoru doesn't need to know everything that happens to them. Around ten o'clock Kenshin and Kenji were exhausted and went to bed. A couple more days went by with Kenshin teaching the classes according to him.

The last night before Kaoru was supposed to come home, a huge rainstorm hit. There was a downpour of thunder, lightning, and rain. Since Kenshin and Sano forgot to patch the roof up, the inside was drenched. On the last day at the two o'clock class, Kenshin was finishing his mental exercise.

"…And that is how you stay regular."

Just as he finished his sentence Kaoru walked into the dojo. She was alone because she had walked all of her friends to their houses first. She had a gleaming smile on her face because of her nice trip. She even considered the possibility of Kenshin taking a job seriously for once. Nothing could spoil this day.

Kaoru ran over to Kenshin to kiss him and exclaimed, "Kenshin! I'm so glad to see you. How have you been?"

Kenshin yelped and shoved her away before contact was established. The kids were still in the dojo and were shocked that Kaoru had not showed him the proper respect. One of the kids went over to Kaoru and said, "Excuse me Miss Kaoru but that is 'Emperor Kenshin'."

"Emperor Kenshin? Well, okay. What did you learn while I was away?"

The same kid answered, "We learned the Hiten Mitsurugi style. It is much more fun than your style because you can kill people with it. Also, Sano came over to show us some moves with his zanbatou."

"I'll ignore that. Pardon me asking but why is the dojo all wet?"

All the kids in the room pointed their forefingers up at the hole in the roof. Embarrassed Kaoru put her hand over her eyes. She then looked up at the hole. For a minute she stood there taking deep breaths while counting to ten. Kenshin was now looking at Kaoru and thinking, "She is going to say it was Sano's fault, that she will."

In a muttering voice Kaoru said, "Don't tell me. This is all Kenshin's doing."

"Damn!" Kenshin murmured to himself.

"Everybody is dismissed from class except for 'Emperor Kenshin'." She grabbed Kenshin by the hair and dragged him into a corner.

"Well Kenshin, you blew it this time," said Kaoru. "Your ego is too vast for your sword techniques. However, I have a solution that involves you doing nothing as well as your crony."

The next day at the ten o'clock class Kaoru was in front of the dojo lecturing the day's lesson plan. In the center of the dojo Kenshin and Sano were tied to the ceiling with ropes and were hanging upside down. Both them had looks of discontent on their faces. Kaoru was a bit more cheerful though.

"That concludes today's lesson plan. All right class! Grab your bokkens and start sparing with the bokken dummies."

The End


	4. Episode 4

ALL IS NOT FAIR IN LOVE & WAR

Introduction

This is the origin of Married… with Kaoru. This story will explain how Kenshin, Sano, Megumi and Kaoru met. When Kenshin and Sano enter Tokyo, they are seventeen and fourteen years old. Kaoru and Megumi are sixteen and fifteen years old. It is very long, but it had to be this way in order to make logical sense. It is also different from our other stories. As you probably know, our other stories have just been straight up comedy. This story, however, contains comedy, action, romance, and drama. This is also the hardest Married... with Kaoru story we've written so far. It took us about two weeks to write and proofread the entire thing. Originally, we were never going to explain how they met, but some reviewers wanted to know how Kenshin and Kaoru got married. We then decided to do it. We also thought that if we were going to explain how Kenshin and Kaoru got married, we should explain how Sano and Megumi got married. Thank you for your support!

Kenshin was hanging some laundry up at his home. While this was going on, Kenji was in the backyard playing around with Yahiko. They were making mud balls and throwing them at trees, and eventually each other. Kaoru came out of the house and came up to Kenshin. She had more laundry for him to do.

"Here Kenshin," said Kaoru with here usual piercing voice, "I have some more laundry for you to do."

She then dropped the basket on the ground in front of Kenshin.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Kenshin. "How in the hell can we have this much laundry? Only three people live here."

"Oh, stop your whining," said Kaoru. "You have to finish this soon because you have lots more chores to do."

"Oh gee, Kaoru," said Kenshin sarcastically. "I can hardly wait to do those other chores. I can't think of anything else that would be more fun."

"Save the sarcasm and just finish the laundry slave boy." She then went back inside to make some soup for lunch.

"Feeble-minded Kaoru and her aggravating chores of death," muttered Kenshin to himself. "Why did I ever marry that woman?"

Kenshin then stared off into space and had a flashback to end all flashbacks...

Sano was carrying Captain Sagara, who had been wounded by gunfire, through some woods. The imperialists were following behind them. They eventually made it to the edge of a cliff, where Sano collapsed because he did not have the strength anymore to continue.

Sagara, with what strength he had, said "Leave me here, you've gotta run Sanosuke."

"No, I'm not going to leave you Captain," said Sano.

"Sanosuke, you've gotta get outta here."

He picked himself up and grabbed Sano. He then threw him over the cliff knowing that he would be safe. He then turned around to face the enemy, only to be met with a barrage of bullets.

"Captain Sagara!" screamed Sano as he plummeted towards the earth.

As Sano laid there on the ground crying and pondering the thought of how his beloved Captain now belongs to the ages, a mysteries figure appeared out of nowhere and came up to him. He extended his hand, and Sano grabbed it. He pulled Sano to his feet and assured him that no harm would come to him. Little did Sano know that this man would be an important figure in his life. Little did Sano know that this man was Hittokiri Battousai or simply: Kenshin Himura.

After four years, the revolution finally came to an end. During this time, Sano and Kenshin became good friends. So after the revolution had ended, Sano and Kenshin decided to wonder together. They both had dreams of settling down somewhere and having a place to live. So they then began their wondering journey.

They had all kinds of adventures during their wondering phase. For instance, they came across the Holy Grail. Clumsy Sano dropped his zanbatou on it and broke it. They then got scared, buried the pieces, and took off. Later, they even met a man by the name of Nobuhiro Watsuki or known by many as the "Man on the Silver Mountain." He was a sorcerer who lived in a cave by himself on top of the Silver Mountain. His whole mystical, philosophical, sorcerer shtick kind of made Kenshin and Sano feel uncomfortable. Because of that, Sano and Kenshin didn't stay too long. After Mr. Watsuki tried to put a hex on them, they decided that it was time for them to leave. Lastly, they both came across the United States embassy. Without knowing what the building or property was, Sano and Kenshin entered it. They walked around the entire thing without one single guard discovering their presence. They eventually got bored and left. Without realizing it they technically invaded America.

After three months of wondering, they came across the city of Tokyo. It was there where they would live long and prosper.

Since they had no money, they performed odd jobs for people. They delivered stuff, brought food to shut-ins, and chopped wood for people. Hell, at one point, they even tired to start their own business, which by the way, failed miserably. Apparently, people did not like the idea of two revolution veterans offering to clean their homes with the help of their swords. At night, they would sleep under trees and reminisce about the revolution days.

After a few weeks of mind-numbing labor, Sano and Kenshin earned enough money to rent an apartment. It wasn't extravagant, but it got the job done. It was one room, and had one little closet and a window. After they earned some more money, they bought some blankets and pillows. They slept on the floor because they couldn't afford a futon. After a couple days, one of the pillars that held the roof up was starting to deteriorate. To stop the roof from collapsing, Sano stuck his zanbatou up against the broken pillar. It was tall enough to reach the ceiling and strong enough to keep it from falling.

To save money, they took old cooking pans that the Akabeko threw out. As for food, they mainly ate tofu because it was the cheapest food in the marketplace. They even looked through trash for food. Their world slowly started to come together in one way or another.

One day as Kenshin and Sano were traveling past the Kamiya Dojo to get to the marketplace, two people were watching them. It was none other then Kaoru Kamiya and Megumi Takani. They were sitting on the steps in the front of the dojo talking. Even though they noticed Kenshin and Sano, their curiosity of them was fleeting.

"You know Kaoru, those two wanderers are kind of cute."

"I can't believe you're taking interest in those two filthy bums. Now back to business. I asked Dr. Genzai and he promised to leave a position open for you, when you are done with the training of course."

"That's wonderful. I'm really excited to be a doctor because I could break down the sexist job barrier here."

"Don't forget me. I'm training to take over the Kamiya dojo one day. I shall be a teacher!"

"You know Kaoru, maybe we should take a break and do something fun. How about getting together with those two wanderers? They seem new here, so maybe they could use some guides or something."

"You want to get together with those two disgusting bums? Well…I guess they are kind of attractive, especially the red-haired one."

"That's good because I sort of like the one with the huge sword. Men who wield a gigantic blade of mass destruction are so sexy!"

"Megumi, do us a favor by taking a cold bath."

As evening approached, Kenshin and Sano were stirring in their little shack. They were eating a healthy meal comprised of some old tofu that was half price, and some over-cooked noodles the Akabeko restaurant through out. During their feast of kings Sano made conversation to Kenshin. "Hey Kenshin, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"By any chance did you know anyone in the revolution by the name of Katsuhiro Tsukioka or Katsu for short?"

"Sorry. Why do you ask?"

"He was a friend of mine during it. Like me he was a part of the Seikihoutai. I was just wondering if you have any updates on him. I'm sure that he's still alive and well though. Ah man I'm tired! I'm thinking of turning in for the night."

"That sounds good. By the way Sano, your friend should be fine if he's anything like you."

Kenshin and Sano toppled over onto the floor and fell fast asleep. The next morning the hustle and bustle of the workday naturally awakened them. Kenshin awoke first and poked Sano with his sheath. On accident it got jabbed in his right nostril. At first Sano did not react, but then… "Arrrrgh. Man down, man down!"

"Pardon me. Since it looks like only a flesh wound, let's get going," said Kenshin.

"What do we have planned for today Kenshin?"

"Glad you asked. Today we're going to the local flower shop and ask them if they need any help. Yesterday they seemed pretty busy."

"Doing deliveries or helping out at the shop could be nice. Maybe tonight we can eat things that are eatable."

Kenshin and Sano washed up and prepared for the long day ahead. They took their weapons with them and headed out into the marketplace. It turned out the flower shop was down the street from the Kamiya dojo. They passed it again not knowing Kaoru and Megumi were outside again. They were sitting on the stairs playing cards. Megumi noticed Sano's zanbatou when she looked up from her hand. Ecstatic, she exclaimed, "Look Kaoru! It's fireball and spiky-hair."

"Megumi I think it's about time you take some of your own medication. Oh wait, you mean the bums."

"Call them what you want but I think we should follow them this time."

Kaoru blanked out for a minute. Then she said, "Okay. They seem mysterious enough."

Instantly Kaoru and Megumi got off the stoop and followed the wanderers. They stayed far enough behind so as not to arouse suspicion. When they arrived at the flower shop, they busied themselves at the clothing shop next to it. Meanwhile Sano and Kenshin were inquiring about a job.

"Sano. Stay here and I'll ask."

Kenshin went inside and about a minute later came back out. He had a saddened yet frustrating look about his face.

"They said they're not usually this busy, so they don't need our help. They said thank you though. But I have a backup plan. We'll go back home, drop off our weapons, and go to the river. Maybe we can catch some fish with make-shift fishing poles."

Sano and Kenshin headed back home oblivious to the ladies stalking them. They opened the door, went inside, and closed it. Inside they were collecting their thoughts. Kaoru and Megumi were standing at the side of the house. Once it was safe, they approached the front door. All of a sudden Kenshin's eyes got big and he stood still.

"What is it Kenshin?" asked Sano.

"I felt a presence, that I did."

With caution Kenshin slowly sneaked up to the door. He gradually opened it to a world he did not create. Kenshin was staring at two young ladies who were staring back at him. Kenshin did what any gracious host would do. He yelled "Sano, we have some robbers that may take us hostage!"

Before the police were alerted, Megumi managed to calm Kenshin down. "We're not here to steal your…uh…valuables."

"Yeah. We just thought we would stop by and welcome you to the community." Kaoru said quickly.

"In that case come in. We don't have much, but we make it up through our hospitality," Kenshin said bashfully.

"Nice save Kenshin," said Sano. "So who do we have here? You two have had to come from hell because you're hot."

Megumi and Kaoru blushed awkwardly. All four of them sat down and tried to talk to one another. Kenshin sat in the corner kind of timid. No girl has ever liked him before because he was to busy with his job being the manslayer. Also his past would tend to scare away the ladies. What experience he lacked, is what Sano thought he had. This illusion made Sano more open minded to the women. Megumi grabbed Kaoru and whispered to her. "Now's your chance. Go over to the one in the corner."

Kaoru moved over to the corner where Kenshin was. With a deep breath she said, "Let me introduce myself. My name is Kaoru Kamiya. And You?"

Underneath his sweaty brow, Kenshin talked in a hollow tone. "Himura, Kenshin Himura. Please forgive my actions. For you see, I'm not really a ladies man."

Meanwhile Sano had a more aggressive tone. In the manliest voice he could sustain he said, "My name is Sanosuke Sagara but all my friends call me Sano for short."

Megumi bathed her voluptuous long hair in the sunlight streaming from the room's only window. With a hint of sensuality in the air she said, "My name is Megumi Takani."

This lovely woman mesmerized Sano. In fact his eyes got really big and he started fidgeting until he slapped himself back into reality. Megumi all of a sudden noticed his zanbatou standing in the corner. She went up to it and started to touch it.

"Be careful!" yelled Sano. "It supports our ceiling. For without it, the house would fall and we would be dead."

Megumi saw the crack in the beam and backed away from it. She turned back to Sano and said, "We should start heading home because it is around lunch time."

Kenshin said, "Thanks for stopping by" as he was tying a string around a stick he found in the woods.

Sano was also preparing a makeshift fishing pole. Kaoru and Megumi started to cross the threshold to the outside. A moment later they came back in with a proposition. "Concerning your…circumstance, why don't Kaoru and I treat you to a luncheon?"

Kenshin looked up at her and said, "We don't want to be a bother. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"But the thing is we want to," said Kaoru. "You let us into your house, so now it's our turn for a favor. Besides we can get to know each other better."

Realizing Kenshin could blow their only opportunity for a real meal Sano said, "Yeah, What they said. Now what did you have in mind?"

"We were thinking about some beef-hot-pot at the Akabeko restaurant. Have you ever eaten there before?" asked Megumi.

"Yeah we've eaten there before," said Sano. "But not in the inside."

"Huh?" exclaimed Kaoru and Megumi.

"It's a long story," said Kenshin.

Megumi, Sano, Kaoru, and Kenshin all went down to the Akabeko as they planned. Sano left his weapon at home while Kenshin forgot to leave his in the heat of the moment. At the restaurant Sano sat next to Megumi and Kaoru sat next to Kenshin. For drinks, they all ordered saké. Later on they ordered the would-be popular beef-hot-pot. While waiting for the food to arrive, the girls tried to converse with the boys. Kenshin and Sano sat quietly sipping their saké.

After taking a chug from the alcoholic beverage, Sano looked at it with delight. "Man, where have you been all my life?"

Megumi looked over in Sano's direction. She was curious about this man. She asked, "Sano Sagara. That's kind of a weird name. Did you make that up yourself?"

Kenshin put his hands over his eyes and grieved. "Oh man. It begins."

"Glad you asked," Sano said with a hint of hyper-ness in his voice. "It all goes back to my days in the revolution. I was in a civilian army that was an extension of the government's official army. We were led under Captain Sagara, hence my name. He was a great man, before the damn imperialists executed him! He believed in protecting the weak, justice…"

In the midst of this engaging conversation, Kaoru was talking with Kenshin. Her notice of his sword sparked the conversation. "Nice Sword" she exclaimed.

"Thank you Miss Kaoru. It's a sakabatou, or a reverse blade sword. It aids me in my Hiten Mitsurugi sword technique."

"So you're a teacher then?"

"Not exactly. I worked for the government as an assassin. I killed many a people and earned the name Battousai the Manslayer. I am no longer an imperialist though, just a mere wanderer."

"How exciting" she said with passion.

"You really don't mind me killing people in cold blood?"

"It's a tad gross, but frankly it doesn't phase me."

In Kenshin mind, the light bulb went on. He thought to himself that this was probably the only chance he was going to get at true love. "She doesn't mind my past. I better not blow this," he thought.

Because it was lunch hour, the restaurant was quite busy. This pushed back the orders so the food arrived slower than usual. Megumi got bored to the point where she fell asleep. Sano didn't notice and kept talking mindlessly. Eventually the food came as well as Sano's silence.

"…stupid imperialist bastards!" he shouted as he slammed his fist on the table.

All was silent while Kaoru and Kenshin stared at him with dead eyes. Megumi awoke and shouted, "Why did you have to die Captain Sagara?" She shook her head as everybody turned towards her. She yawned and took a swig of her saké. Once the food cooled off for a few minutes, everybody dug in. After they were done they sat and chatted some more. Sano was so nervous about his first impression at table manners that he crushed his glass. The saké in it flew all over Megumi's kimono. She jerked back but quickly calmed down. Sano looked down at the shards of glass and then at Megumi for three takes.

"I take full responsibility and shall punish those who produced such a faulty glass. However, if I'm the one to blame I apologize."

"It's all right Sano. I can get the saké out when I do the laundry later. Bad things happen; it's just the way it is."

"Listen, I want to make it up to you. I'll pay the bill. You three go on ahead."

Kenshin, dumbfounded by the fact that Sano had enough money (or any at all) to pay for the meal, got up and marched on out. Megumi and Kaoru followed behind. As they were walking away from the restaurant Sano walked up behind them. A minute later a waitress came out of the restaurant flabbergasted. "That man didn't pay his bill!"

Kaoru and Megumi walked the two men home. When they got to their apartment, Kaoru had an idea. "Hey why don't you two stop by our house tomorrow around two. We could have some snacks and give you a tour of our house."

Kenshin and Sano agreed. They waved goodbye and went into their house for rest. They sat down and leaned against the wall of the house pondering today's events. Sano went first. "Megumi has to hate me. I am such a clumsy oaf around women."

"Listen. That is just your imagination."

"Imagination. Yeah and its being projected onto the current reality that I inhibit. It is readjusting my schema or perception on the world while counter-attacking my psyche into believing it is a fantasy. The falsified truth is actually coherent realism."

Kenshin questioned "What?"

Sano questioned back "What?"

"I for one thought it went more smoothly. I think tomorrow will go well too. I am starting to get used to Kaoru; she has some nifty essence to her."

"Well I'm going to try extra hard at being suave tomorrow. You don't come across a woman like Megumi every day. I will rise above the ashes like a phoenix!"

Back at Kaoru's house, she and Megumi were doing their studies. In the middle of studying Kaoru decided someone had to bring up today's events. "Megumi. What did you think of Sano?"

"I don't know. He's kind of a macho jerk. I also think he has a Captain Sagara complex and needs to be institutionalized."

"He tries too hard, but I think he has good intentions."

"That makes sense. I'll see how tomorrow plays out. So what did you think of Kenshin?"

"I adore him. He is quiet and kind of sensitive. It's nice to see a man that is not overly macho. His eloquence is intoxicating."

"Well, having some soldiers around could be nice. I mean they can at least take care of themselves," Megumi stated.

Around the evening at the apartment, Sano was running around mad. Kenshin had to tackle him to the ground and pin him down. He kept yelling, "We can't take care of ourselves, we barely qualify as living. We don't even have a clock. How are we supposed to show we're responsible?"

"Sano! Listen to me. Think of Captain Sagara and his morals."

Sano finally relaxed. Kenshin took his bet and let him free.

"I'm mentally stable now. What do we do?"

Kenshin paced back and forth for some time. "Aha! There is a way."

"Does it involve us being cheap labor because we are, or becoming fighters for higher?"

"Not exactly. The marketplace seems like its not hiring, and we were already fighters in the revolution."

"Oh yeah. That kind of slipped my mind," said Sano with a dumb look on his face.

"We have weapons so why not use them. There are plenty of trees down here that we can cut and sell for firewood. We'll take our slue to the marketplace."

Kenshin and Sano worked through dinnertime in order to make their dream come true. They went into nearby woods and started hacking down all sorts of trees. After they properly prepared the chunks, they were placed in a huge pile. Kenshin went down to the marketplace and staked out a spot. He made a sign and Sano brought up the rear carrying the chunks of wood. Before they knew it, the shop was open for business. Since the marketplace was closing down, all the townsfolk were heading home. A lot of them passed Sano and Kenshin's shop and took advantage of it. Around bedtime Sano and Kenshin made a hefty profit and were now searching for a clock. They wandered back home to see a sign that was advertising a used one. It turned out the clock belonged to a neighbor of theirs. Kenshin and Sano went over and made their purchase. Back home they basked in the used clock's glory.

"Our first house appliance!" Sano cheered.

"I can barely contain myself!" Kenshin squealed.

They didn't know how to set the clock but they were too tired to care. After their hard night's work they laid down to sleep. At eight in the morning the clock went off.

Sano and Kenshin almost peed their clothing as they jumped off the floor screaming, "We're under attack!"

They got washed up as usual and ate a hearty breakfast of fruits they purchased with the leftover money. With only a few hours before their rendezvous, Kenshin and Sano decided to make them selves look extra exceptional for the ladies. They stood in front of Sano's zanbatou checking how they look.

"Kenshin, where's are 'special occasion' clothes? We have to drop the ladies to the floor with our fashion."

"Sorry Sano. What we're wearing is it."

"Okay, we'll improvise" he said with a gleam in his eye.

First they tried to ware their clothes inside out, but they looked rather stupid. Then they tried to give themselves different hairstyles. Every time Kenshin got rid of his ponytail, an Afro appeared. Sano tried to slick his hair back but it always came out a mullet. After 30 minutes they realized they could only get worse. They sat around imagining what the future held until 1:45. At that time they left their weapons home and ventured into the other realm. They finally arrived at the mansion, or as they called it. Kaoru and Megumi were not outside so Kenshin and Sano went in after them. With all the passages and rooms, they were intimidated. A little ways into the journey Kenshin got separated from Sano. Sano made his way to what appeared to be a living room. The two women were sitting on futons reading some books.

"Why, hello ladies." Sano said suavely. "The soldier of fortune has arrived."

Kaoru peered behind Sano and saw that nobody was there. "Where's Kenshin?"

"Uh oh. I guess I lost him in the maze of death."

"Don't worry. We'll find him," Megumi said positively.

All three of them went through every nook and cranny, but could not locate him. All of a sudden they heard some hollow tones and banging. They traced the noises back to a closet near the end of the hallway. Kaoru opened the door and Kenshin fell out onto the floor.

"Oh crap. My spleen!" Kenshin yelped.

Sano picked up Kenshin, draped him over his shoulder, and followed the two ladies outside. Once they got into the courtyard, Sano dropped Kenshin onto the ground.

"Ow," mumbled Kenshin.

"Sorry," said Sano as he rolled his eyes.

Megumi turned to face her obnoxious guests. With happiness in her eyes she exclaimed, "This is where we will be enjoying our snacks and drinks. Kaoru will go prepare them now."

"I hope everybody likes rice balls and green tea," she sung as she skipped away into the house.

Kenshin and Sano accompanied Megumi to a tree and sat in the shade. They had such vivid conversations.

"So Megumi, what do you do for a living?" Sano asked.

"I feel kind of silly saying this but here it goes. I'm training to become a doctor. When I finish training I will become part of Dr. Genzai's practice."

"That is really fascinating. It's good to see a woman in the job-world for once. By the way, do new patients get a free physical exam?"

Megumi couldn't help but laugh at Sano's bizarre comment. Then they heard footsteps and looked up to see Kaoru carrying a tray of goodies towards them. She sat down next to Kenshin and distributed the food. "I'm not much of a cook but Megumi and I are still alive. I guess that shows something."

Kenshin peered down at the rice ball in front of him. In his mind he said "Why are they triangular? They're supposed to be spherical."

Sano peered down at his cup of tea and thought "I must be going blind because all I can see in this cup is black."

Not wanting to be impolite guests, Kenshin and Sano ate their food diligently. Not knowing if they would live through the night, they still kept a positive attitude. Kaoru got anxious and asked, "So what do you guys think?"

Kenshin took the fall and said, "You have a different way of cooking. There is something unique that separates yours from everybody else's. It's nice to see food with a personality."

Sano took a sigh of relief due to the black bullet they just dodged. He gave it a go and said, "It sticks to your ribs. I always say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger."

"Thank you guys, I really appreciate that. By the way Sano, I naturally tend to cook stronger foods. You have a good tasting sense."

In Sano's mind he kept saying, "Just run with it and don't look back."

"Since we're done here, how about a tour of the house?" Kaoru proposed.

Everybody agreed that it was a good idea. The first stop was the Kamiya dojo. When Kenshin and Sano stepped into the dojo, they couldn't believe their eyes. Sano lost interest kind of quickly but Kenshin seemed excited. "Who runs this place?"

"I do Kenshin. I mean I'm going to. Right now I'm training to become a teacher of the Kamiya Kasshin style."

"I have never heard of that style before. What is it?"

"My dad taught it before he passed away. In fact, this style has been in my family for a long time. It's a non-lethal style that promotes protection. You use it to defend people rather than slaughtering for fun…"

Sano started to walk around in the background and stumbled upon a bokken. He picked it up and started playing with it. He thought "What a piece of junk. I would be invincible against an opponent using this dumb walking stick."

Sano put the bokken back on the rack. He yawned and saw Megumi in the corner readjusting her kimono. He strutted in over there with a piercing look in his eyes. "Hey fox doc, why don't you and I blow this yawn factory?"

Megumi lifted her eyebrow and stared at him for a moment. "Listen rooster-boy, mind your manners. Your ego is bigger than your sword. We're being nice so do the same."

He looked down at the floor embarrassed and took a deep breath. He raised his head to Megumi's again. "Excuse me. I get a little high strung around women. You're right though, I should show some respect. Maybe a third meeting will convince you."

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"That depends on your answer."

"Hmmm. It looks like underneath your macho façade there is a decant man yearning to get out. Yes but I'm keeping my eye on you. If you pull anything I'll cut you off just like that."

He rushed on over to Kenshin to tell him the good news. Kaoru realized that maybe it was about time she did the same. This was a good opportunity. She was nervous but gathered the courage and went for it. She grabbed Kenshin by the hair and pulled him closer to her. "Kenshin, I was just wondering if you'd like to get together another time."

"Let me see when me and Sano have a free schedule. Two people being available at the same time is kind of tricky."

"No. I mean just you."

"Uh…Oh! Sure that would be wonderful. What time?"

"Come over to my place at 6:00 P.M. tomorrow. Don't be late."

"I shutter to think if I was," Kenshin whined.

Kenshin and Sano headed back home just in the nick of time for supper. All their earned money was gone, so it was back to scavenging around. Luckily they found a patch of eggplants nearby and helped themselves. Outside Sano prepared a fire with some sticks and stones he found lying on the edge of the forest. He took a rock and used his zanbatou as a flint. After a couple of tries he sparked a fire. Using a couple of sticks, they roasted the eggplants.

"Kenshin, nice work on the date. You're so good you didn't have to do anything and you got one."

"Well it's better than acting the way you do. If I had I would've been killed by now."

After arguing for an hour they decided to hit the hay. After all, Kenshin had to get ready for his big night out on the town. But he couldn't sleep; he lay awake staring at the ceiling. He was imagining what his first date would be like. The only possibility that crossed his mind was this: sparing with Kaoru in the Kamiya dojo with bokkens. It was fun, not to mention the exercise value. That scenario jogged through his mind a hundred times. To him it would be abnormal not to do it.

Kenshin and Sano got up at 8:30 A.M. Sano and Kenshin ate their breakfast of crappy thrown away food like usual. After breakfast, Kenshin had to prepare for his big date.

"So, what are you going to do on your date?" asked Sano.

Kenshin said, "I thought that Kaoru and I would spar in the dojo or something."

"You have no concept of this kind of stuff, do you?" said Sano.

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to take Kaoru out to dinner, and then do something afterwards. Also, through this whole date, you have to engage in some sort of conversations."

"Where to I take her for dinner? The Akabeko?"

"No. You need to take her to a place that's a little more…uh…special. How about that new restaurant that's at the edge of town? It's called the Kioken."

"How do you know about a new restaurant?"

"Where do you think I got these new bowls from? Now as for afterwards, you can take her to the lake for a nice romantic evening of magic."

"Okay, but what conversations should we have?"

"How the hell should I know? Just make stuff up as you go along."

"Got it!"

At the Kamiya dojo, Kaoru was having a panic attack because she didn't know what to wear for their date. She couldn't decide between her yellow, red, light blue or dark blue kimono. Megumi tried her hardest to calm her down, but it wasn't working.

After a few hours of completely unnecessary nonsense that could've easily been avoided, Kaoru said, "I think that I will go with the red kimono. I will also wear the light blue obi. Megumi, what hair ribbon should I go with?"

"How about the pink ribbon?"

"Good idea." She then went to her closet and began rummaging through it.

After a while of looking and chucking stuff around the room, she became upset and screamed, "I can't find it! What am I going to do?"

"Relax!" said Megumi. "Here it is. While you were looking through your closet and throwing stuff out, you threw it out too." She then gave it to Kaoru.

"Oh, thank heavens!" gasped Kaoru.

At Kenshin and Sano's apartment, Kenshin was preparing himself mentally for the engagement. He mediated and tried to keep himself from becoming too nervous. When it came to be 5:50 P.M., he ventured out of his house and headed to the dojo. He was both excited and horrified at the same time. When he got to the front, Kaoru was sitting on her porch waiting for him.

He then went up and approached her. He didn't really know what to say, so he just kind of winged it.

"Hello Kaoru," he said. "Do you like food?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," she replied.

"Good! How about we go down to the Kioken for some dinner?"

"Let's go then."

As they walked down to the restaurant, Kenshin noticed something intriguing about Kaoru. He couldn't take it anymore, so he had to ask her.

"Kaoru," said Kenshin, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Why sure," replied Kaoru.

"The hair that drapes in front of your ears. Are those sideburns?"

"No, there not."

"Okay. I was just asking because I think their cool."

"Uh, thank you." Kaoru thought that this was a weird conversation, but she was happy because this was the first real compliment that Kenshin gave her.

They finally arrived at the restaurant. Kenshin and Kaoru got a quaint spot in the corner. When it came time to order, Kenshin chose the yudofu and Kaoru chose the ramen. This was the part that Kenshin feared most. He had no idea what he was going to talk about during the period of waiting for their food. Luckily, Kaoru broke the ice and started a conversation.

"So Kenshin," she said, "Why did you and Sano come to Tokyo?"

"After the revolution, Sano and I had to go find a place to live. We wandered for three months and then we came across Tokyo. It seemed like a nice place to live, because nobody knew who we were."

Their food came, and at a good time because Kenshin and Kaoru were starving. They ate their food, while having more meaningful talks about everything from the revolution to what its like living off the streets.

When it was time to pay the bill, Kenshin was worried because he was virtually broke. There wasn't a problem because Kaoru paid the bill. After the tab was paid, they went on their way.

"So what do you want to do now?" asked Kaoru as they stood in the street.

"I have an idea," said Kenshin as he thought back to Sano's idea. "Let's go to the lake for a nice romantic evening of enchantment."

"Sure. That's sounds interesting," replied Kaoru.

They both headed off to the lake. It was a couple minutes after 7:00 P.M. so the sun was just beginning to set. The sunset gave the lake a beautiful orange color. Kenshin and Kaoru set in front of the lake watching the sun disappear off into the distance. Kenshin had a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach. At first he thought that he was getting sick, but then realized that it was something else.

He said to Kaoru, "I never met anybody like you before. There is some sort of natural connection between us. We get along together perfectly. That's probably because you act so much like a man."

"Excuse me," asked Kaoru very surprised.

"Well, you teach martial arts classes and your cooking has a depressing personality," exclaimed Kenshin.

"Well guess what Kenshin? You look like a girl," responded Kaoru in a harsh voice.

"No I don't!"

"Oh, please. You have violet eyes, a small stature, and brightly colored hair."

"I may look like a girl, but at least I do guy stuff. You, on the other hand, look like a guy and do guy stuff. You don't have one ounce of femininity in your blood at all."

"You're a rude and insensitive jerk, do you know that?"

"God, you're such a bitch. I don't know why I even wasted my time going out on this stupid date with you."

"Do you really believe that?" questioned Kaoru as a tear rolled down her cheek. More tears followed, and then she began to cry.

Kenshin then took a good look at her and came into reality. He realized that he was the jerk here, not her. He thought of himself as some sort of monster. He couldn't believe that he hurt her feelings to the point where she would actually cry.

"No." replied Kenshin. "I'm sorry I said those things about you. I just have no experience with women or dating at all. You probably hate me now, so I will just leave."

As Kenshin was about to get up, Kaoru grabbed his kimono and said, "Apology accepted." She stared into Kenshin's violet eyes for a while. With love as the essence of conflict, she rearticulated to a different position. She leaned in for an established kiss.

Kaoru let go with Kenshin caught between two realities. He then said, with a blank look on his face, "Oro!"

"Kenshin, is that a good or bad sign?"

"Considering that our genders as well as our gender personalities are opposite, I would have to say it's a good sign. Call it destiny, fate, or Sano's intervention, but we should be together."

They both sat together looking over the lake at the beautiful sunset. The bronze shadows reflected off the grass, trees, and everything else. After a few minutes of the mushy garbage Kenshin had a thought. "I went on a date today and got my first kiss." He proudly stood up with his forefinger in the air and shouted at the lake, "Today I'm a man!"

Kaoru pulled her head back and gave Kenshin a real disturbing gaze. Kenshin then extended his same forefinger at Kaoru shouting, "…and you're a woman!"

As stupid as that sounded Kaoru jumped up and gave Kenshin a big hug. They decided that the date was officially over, so they headed for home. Kenshin dropped Kaoru off at her house and walked back home. In his mind he was thinking, "There is only one thing to do at a time liked this: strut." And so he did. He got back to his apartment where Sano was meditating in the middle of their only room.

"Ah my son, did you succeed?" Sano said all mystically.

"Yes master."

"You have passed the ultimate test my son. Your training is complete. You are now worthy of the title 'manly man'."

The next day Kenshin and Sano arose to a warmer morning. Kenshin still basked in his swirling pool of success. Sano was thinking that if it went that well for Kenshin, then his date success would be beyond all comprehension. Sano and Kenshin meditated in their apartment for an hour to mentally prepare for the ladies. Afterwards they got a little more ambitious.

"When is your date with Miss Megumi?" Kenshin asked as soon as he remembered it.

"She said she'd let me know sometime tonight."

"In the meantime let's do some male bonding," Kenshin said with excitement.

"I don't swing that way pal. I'm all man."

"Get your mind out of the gutter for just one second. I mean we can have a boy's day out. We can go on adventures like we did when we were wanderers."

"How about fishing; we never got around to it the last time."

"Capital idea Sano." Kenshin pointed his forefinger at the door and yelled "To the fishing hole!"

Kenshin and Sano grabbed their makeshift fishing poles for the long haul. The stream they were thinking of was about a mile from their apartment. The ground sloped downwards on each side into a crevice, where the stream was. A wooden bridge with railings ran over the stream. Kenshin and Sano proceeded for the top of the bridge to fish.

"Kenshin, are you sure this is the right place? The river is all brown and cloudy. This might be a sewage system."

"It looks like a bowel disorder is sifting through, that it does. On the contrary, I don't think its river related appearance would lie."

The muddy waters below distracted them from the old rotting bridge. It lay there a long time without any repairs being made. It was flimsy and unsafe. After they cast their lines out, Sano leaned against the railing to hard. In a flash it broke and Sano fell off the bridge. He grabbed the side of it with his hands. The debris fell below him while he was dangling there helpless. It took a second before disoriented Kenshin figured out what was going on.

"Kenshin! When I fall to my murky doom, please put me out of my misery. However ignore that if I'm dead when I hit it."

"Not on my shift!" Kenshin screamed with the once forgotten manslayer rage.

Kenshin bent over and reached for Sano's hand. With all his strength he pulled his friend up towards the bridge. Once Sano had a foothold he got up the rest of the way under his own power. As soon as he was saved they both raced off the deathtrap. They hit the ground hard and stopped. With direction in accordance with the bridge, they witnessed it crumble into the water below. Just then some sword policemen came wandering down on the opposite bank. They just got off their shift and were enjoying some saké.

"What a way to go, into a coffin made out of liquid crap," Kenshin said as he shook his head.

"It's the feds! Run for it," Sano shrieked.

The two of them blurred towards the forest from which they just emerged. They never looked back to see if anyone was actually chasing them though. They did not stop until they hit the marketplace. It was a good position because of the crowdedness.

"I think we lost them Kenshin. What do we do now?" Sano said panting.

"This would be a good opportunity to browse the shops for gifts. We could buy Kaoru and Megumi something. Oh shoot, we don't have any money."

"Relax, I got some. I found some old bowls in the trash and sold them to a pawn shop."

Kenshin put his hand over his eyes. "You never cease to not amaze me, do you?"

Sano and Kenshin now went in search of the perfect gifts for their lady friends. Since they knew Kaoru and Megumi pretty well by now, finding gifts would not be too difficult. Sano bought Megumi some bottles for her herbs and other medical things. She was training to be a doctor, so Sano figured that she could use as many supplies as possible. Since Kaoru was going to teach classes in her dojo, Kenshin thought that a book that could be used to keep track of her students and such would be of great use to her. After they purchased their gifts, they headed back to their apartment. When they got inside it, they decided to stick the gifts in the closet. When Kenshin opened the closet, there was a tanuki inside.

"Sano," screamed Kenshin, " There is some sort of wild animal in here. You must protect the clock at all costs."

"Understood," said Sano. He then ran to the clock.

Kenshin tried to coax the animal out of the closet, but it wouldn't go. After a few failed attempts, it jumped at Kenshin chest and knocked him on the ground, and then ran through the rice paper wall.

"Great," said Sano, "Now we have to repair something." Sano then went over to Kenshin and hoisted him off the ground.

After Kenshin was picked up, there was a knock at the door. The door then slid open and Megumi walked in.

She said, "Just to let you know Sano, you can come pick me up for our date tomorrow at 7:00 P.M."

"That sounds great," said Sano.

"Good," she said. "I guess I'll see you then. Bye." She then flashed him a smile, and walked out of the room closing the door behind her. After she left, Kenshin and Sano ate their dinner, had more pointless discussions and then went to bed. They awoke the next morning feeling pretty good. The whole day went by with Kenshin giving him all sorts of advice.

"First, she will probably pay for your food and whatnot. Make sure to thank her for that," said Kenshin.

"I think I can do that," replied Sano.

"Good! Another thing is that make sure you don't talk about Captain Sagara or the Sekihoutai."

"How come?"

"Uh…because it wouldn't be a good idea to use up all your "A" material in the early stages of your relationship."

"Good thinking!"

"Oh, yeah! One last thing! What ever you do, do not tell Megumi that she resembles a man in any way, shape or form. I cannot stress that enough."

"Why?"

"Just trust me on this one."

"Okay?" With that, Sano then looked over at the clock and saw that it was 6:50 P.M. He then grabbed his bottles and made his way over to the Kamiya dojo.

He walked very carefully as to not break the bottles. Since he sacrificed him and Kenshin's social status for these, breaking them was not an option. He went up the steps to the dojo and opened the door. Megumi was inside checking her light purple kimono.

"Hello Megumi, it's the delivery boy. I have a gift order for a set of jars filled with passion." He swung his head back while he gazed at her.

"How thoughtful of you," she said as she walked over to Sano.

"You can store your herbs and medical stuff in these."

"I'm starting to believe that the decant man inside of you is finally coming out." She took the tray away from him. "I'll put these in the back and we can be on our way."

Once she was done, Sano escorted her outside. All of a sudden Sano stopped at the bottom of the porch. He froze in his place and stared off into space.

"You don't know what to do for our date do you?" Megumi said annoyed.

"No. This is something completely different. You're so special that everyplace this town has to offer is too inferior for you. That is why I can't think of a place to eat."

"I know a place we can go that isn't too inferior for me," Megumi said. "It's called the Soba-ya."

"Is that what I think it is?" said Sano with a fearful tone. "A sober restaurant that doesn't sell alcoholic beverages?"

"You couldn't possibly be more wrong. It's a noodle house. Follow me because I've passed it before."

Both of them made their way to the noodle house. Along the way, Sano was trying to remember all the tips that Kenshin gave him. They arrived at the Soba-ya a little later then Megumi would have liked. They would have gotten there sooner if Sano had not kept pestering the shop owners about whether they have heard of Captain Sagara or not. They got a spot that was somewhere in the proximity of the center of the building. Their table had a huge crack in the middle and the pillows they sat on where ripped and pretty flat. Sano chose the tsukimi udon and Megumi chose the kitsune udon. While waiting for their food, Sano decided to make a move.

"So Megumi," said Sano, "Do you like stuff?"

"What kind of stuff?" replied Megumi.

"Stuff you like."

"What?"

The food then came and Sano and Megumi dived in. They thought the food was mediocre, nothing special. Sano kept praying that Megumi would pay the bill because even though he had money, he didn't feel like using it. After they were finished, Megumi paid, and then they were on their way.

"What do you want to do now?" asked Megumi while they were standing in the street outside the noodle house.

"I know!" said Sano. "Let's go gambling!"

"Gambling?" question Megumi.

"Sure. We'll have lots of fun babe."

After a few moments of searching, Sano found a gambling establishment.

"This is my first time as well," said Sano as they stood outside the door. "I thought it would be fun for both of us to experience something new together."

Sano opened the door and they walked in.

"Hey Sano," said the bartender. "I haven't seen you since yesterday. Hey, this time you've got a girl with you!"

"Yep. We're on a date," said Sano.

Sano took Megumi over to a place where some people were playing dice. After a couple rounds, Sano was 15 yen in the hole.

"Hey barkeep, how about a round of saké for my girlfriend and me!" yelled Sano.

Megumi was getting mad. "First off," said Megumi, "I am not your girlfriend, we've only known each other for a couple days. Second, how are you going to pay for saké? You don't have any money left."

"Well, you have money. You can pay for it," said Sano.

Megumi was too shocked to say anything. She couldn't believe that Sano had enough balls to say something like that.

After a few more rounds, Sano won almost five times what he originally had. He got so excited that he grabbed Megumi and kissed her. Megumi then slapped Sano across the face sharply.

"How dare you!" she said. "You have been nothing but a selfish jerk this entire time. I'm leaving."

She then turned away and started to walk out of the establishment.

As she headed towards the door, Sano yelled out, "Megumi come on. I'm sorry. Megumi!"

It was to late, she had already left the building.

As she walked down the street, there was a group of men sitting in front of a shop watching her.

"Hey, I think that's that girl who's training to become a doctor," said one of them. "The medical field is for men only. Women don't belong there."

"Let's go teach her a lesson," said another one.

They all got up and made their way over to Megumi. Two of the guys grabbed her from behind. One of them then put his arm around her neck so she couldn't move her head. A man then appeared in front of her. He had a black beard and menacing brown eyes.

He said, "Listen you little harlot. You should know your place in society. Women are to be kept at home where they cook, clean, and serve their men. They shouldn't have jobs outside the household." He then pulled a dagger from his pocket and held it up.

"For your crime, we now must punish you," he said with an evil grin as we moved the dagger towards Megumi.

"Stop!" yelled Sano as stood in the shadows a distance away from them, "Let her go this instant! The only crime she has committed was breaking some stupid sexist tradition. Women have the right to have a job if they want."

"Who the hell are you? Some kind of 'womanly man', " asked the man with the beard.

"I'm just a friend," responded Sano. "If you let her go, we'll just be on your way and cause you no trouble."

The man with the beard took Megumi and put the dagger to her throat.

"If you pull anything," said the man, "I'll slit this wench's throat!"

He then took the point of the dagger and stuck it a little ways into her throat. A trickle of blood ran down her neck as she winced in pain.

He then said, "How can you possibly think you can win. There's five of us and one of you. Boys, go mess him up!"

Four men charged at Sano. Being distracted by three of them, one managed to slash his stomach with a dagger. Sano grabbed his stomach and bent over. The other three made a move and pummeled him. Since stamina was his best trait though, he got back up on his feet within a matter of seconds. All four rushed at him again, but he caught them all of guard this time. With a blur of punches all of them fell down. They lay in the dust semiconscious.

"Holy crap!" said the man.

"Now," said Sano, "If you could be so kind; let her go." He then put his hand around the dagger he had hidden in his coat. He had taken one from one of the men during the fight.

"Oh, I think not!"

"Fine. Have it your way." He then whipped out the dagger, threw it at the man, and hit him in the leg. He screamed in pain and let go of his hold on Megumi. Megumi, who was furious, kicked the guy between the legs, and pushed him over. She went up to Sano, and then they both hugged each other. Blood was dripping all down Sano's clothes. He was weary and barely could stand anymore.

"Megumi. Are you all right?"

"Yes but you're not. I'll take you to Dr. Genzai."

"No, I don't want him to take care of me. I want you to. This way you can get some practice in."

"All right but remember I'm only a student. There could be risks involved."

Realizing that Sano might go unconscious soon, Megumi did something drastic. She leaned over and kissed him. Sano opened his eyes and looked at Megumi. She met her eyes to his without saying anything, because her eyes said it all.

"Come on Sano. I'll take you back to the Kamiya dojo."

Megumi carried Sano back to her place. Inside Kaoru heard footsteps and someone groaning in pain. She opened the door to see Sano bleeding everywhere. Megumi was next to him holding him up.

"Megumi! I didn't think you hated him that much."

"I didn't do this, it was drunks. Help me carry Sano inside and then go tell Kenshin what happened."

Megumi and Kaoru lugged Sano into the living area of the dojo. Megumi rushed into another room to get her medical supplies. When she came back Kaoru dashed off to fetch Kenshin. She ran all the way there without ever taking a breath. Inside the dojo Kenshin was looking at Sano's zanbatou, comparing it to his sword.

"Why does Sano have a bigger sword than I do?"

Kaoru flung the door open with adrenaline flowing. Kenshin turned to her and Said "Kaoru! You're porch was broken before I came over to pick you up."

"What? No. Sano was injured and he's at the dojo; come with me."

Kenshin quickly grabbed his present for Kaoru and followed her to the dojo. They ran up the porch into the dojo and went to the room Sano was in. Sano was laying on a futon but awake. He was talking to Megumi.

"This stinks. How come every time we kiss, something bad is involved?"

"You know, you could be more cheerful."

"Why should I be?"  
"I don't know, maybe because you're alive!"

Kenshin and Kaoru sat across from Megumi. "How is he Megumi?" Kaoru asked.

"I managed to stop the bleeding. Now I'm going to cleanse the wound and put some stitches in. Later I'll work on his bumps and bruises. I'd say he's going to make it."

"Poor Sano," Kenshin said as she shook his head. "Only you can turn a simple date into a fight against the grim reaper."

"Don't worry Kenshin. He's coming back for round two. This time you're his opponent though."

Megumi interrupted and said, "Kenshin you can stay over if you like. This way we can all keep an eye on him."

Kenshin nodded his head.

"Come on Kenshin, I'll show you to your sleeping quarters," Kaoru said optimistically.

Megumi stayed with Sano while Kaoru and Kenshin left to get some shuteye. The room they were going to was located a bit down the hallway. Kaoru slid the door open and Kenshin followed behind. Kenshin stared down at the floor to see a futon lying there. "Um…Miss Kaoru, are we going to share one bed?"

"Of course not," Kaoru said as she whacked him in the back of the head. "Your bed is over there." She pointed past her bed to reveal the second one.

Kenshin wiped his hand across his forehead. "That's a relief."

"Now excuse me for a moment. I've got to change into my nighttime Kimono." Kaoru left Kenshin in the room by himself and went to change in another. While she was gone Kenshin prepared his gift. Kaoru came back and saw Kenshin standing there with a big grin on his face. She had no idea what he was doing.

"Miss Kaoru, I took the liberty of buying you something." He handed the book over to her.

"What is this?" Kaoru asked. She examined it for a moment and flipped through the pages. "This is a record book. I could use this for my classes. How sweet of you to do this. Thank you Kenshin."

"I'm glad you like it. Once I found out you were becoming a teacher, I thought you could use something like that."

She rapped her arms around Kenshin and gave him a hug. She then went over to her futon and laid down on it. Kenshin went over to his futon, but tripped on the side and fell on it.

"Good night Kenshin," said Kaoru.

"Good night Miss Kaoru," said Kenshin as he was attempting to get under the sheets.

After a couple of minutes Kenshin and Kaoru realized that just weren't tired. They looked at the ceiling trying their best to fall asleep. It was due to all the excitement of the last couple of hours. Kenshin twisted and turned but nothing worked. Eventually he just gave in to it. "Nuts to this," he mumbled.

"Miss Kaoru, are you still awake?"

"Yes Kenshin. I can't sleep."

"Me neither. I feel awkward staying over here, especially in your room. Yet I feel comfortable because it's you I'm staying with."

Now curious, Kaoru turned towards Kenshin. "What do you mean?"

"I mean your personality. Don't get me wrong you're a kind lady. It's just that you're more aggressive than most women."

"I'm kind of a tomboy, I'll admit that," she said embarrassingly.

"It's not a bad thing. In the revolution, all the people I hung out with were men. I got used to it so really feminine women through me off. In this case the situation is similar."

Kaoru now had tears in her eyes. This time it was joy though. "It always seemed like men were turned off by that."

Kenshin took a deep breath and turned towards the ceiling. "How unfortunate for them."

Kenshin and Kaoru started yawning. Realizing their current predicament, they decided to give sleep a second chance. They dozed off almost immediately. An hour of calmness went by. Just then, the door opened up and Sano poked his head in.

"Ah ha!" yelled Sano. "I caught you two in the act! He then realized that they were in two separate beds.

Kaoru sat up on her futon and wiped her eyes off. "What the?"

"Sano," yelled Megumi from her room, "Get your butt back here. Now!"

"Yes mame." Sano then closed the door and made his way back to Megumi's room.

"Well, thanks to Sano I can't get back to sleep," said Kaoru to herself. She then looked over into Kenshin's direction and said, "Kenshin, are you awake too?"

"Yes," muttered Kenshin as he had his head buried in his pillow.

"Want to take a walk with me?"

"Sure."

Both of them got out of their beds and then left the room. While they were walking down the hallway, Kenshin took a hold of Kaoru's hand and held it gently. Kaoru led Kenshin outside and they went into the shed. Inside were all sorts of antiques and heritage pieces. Also some junk made its way into it. Due to the darkness of night, the artifacts were barely visible. Not even the moon's glow could provide enough light. Kaoru dug around for a candle and matches. Once the candle was lit, Kaoru got down to business.

"I brought you here so you could see some of my treasures." She got out some old drawings.

"Neat doodles," Kenshin said.

"They're hardly doodles. They're drawings that my grandfather made a long time ago."

"Why are you showing these to me?" Kenshin said as he scratched his head.

"Duh, their interesting. Besides you seem to be opened minded to new things. I felt you would appreciate them more."

She showed Kenshin some old cookware and some mirrors. Kenshin was relatively fascinated with all the objects. Kaoru put all the artifacts back. She blew out the candle and put it back as well as the matches. She led Kenshin outside and closed the storage-shed door behind her. They made their way to the dojo. Kenshin took notice of Kaoru basking in the moonlight at the entrance of the dojo. He gazed and gazed. The whole world appeared to stop for him. He had no idea what was happening to him. In his mind he said, "Uh oh. I think Miss Kaoru's cooking is finally catching up with me." Without thinking he followed Kaoru up to the dojo.

"You want me to spar with you?" asked Kenshin as he looked around in the darkness.

"No." said Kaoru. "I just thought it would be nice to sit and talk in the dojo where it's so quiet and peaceful."

Kenshin and Kaoru sat in front of the entrance and looked up at the sky. They watched as the stars flickered and as the moon showed off its ghostly shape.

"It was always so lonely around here before you showed up," said Kaoru. "Sure, Megumi was here, but it still felt empty. With you here, the void seems filled."

"I feel the same way," said Kenshin. "During my days of wandering, my life was empty too. I had no place to live or no one to care for."

Kenshin then took his hand and gently caressed Karou's cheek. He then laid his lips upon hers. They both lost track of the time, and eventually Kaoru realized how late it was getting.

"We should go back to the room," said Kaoru. "It's getting late. We need to get some sleep."

Kenshin decided to make a bold move for once. "Why don't we sleep here tonight instead?"

"That's sounds alright," said Kaoru.

She got up and disappeared into the absence of light. She went into a corner and sat down. Kenshin wandered blindly into the dojo. He turned a couple of times before taking notice of her silhouette. Kaoru pointed to him and then pointed to the floor by the corner. Kenshin walked over to the corner and slowly sat down. Kaoru snuggled up beside him and put her hand on his chest. She then rested her head there. Kenshin put his arm around her as if not to let anything take her away from him.

The next morning a very flustered Megumi came into the dojo. "So that's where you guys are," she said.

She then went up to them and shook them.

She said, "Come on guys, it's time for breakfast."

They both awoke and wiped their eyes. They followed Megumi into the front of the property. There was a bowl of miso soup sitting over a fire. Sano was sitting by the pot already eating some. "So, where were they?" asked Sano.

Megumi said, "They were in the dojo."

"In the dojo?" asked Sano. "Something had to have happened there."

"Nothing happened," said Kenshin. "Miss Kaoru and I just sat in there and talked. Then we fell asleep."

"Well that's boring," said Sano.

They all sat around the fire and ate their food. Since this was Megumi's cooking, Sano was very happy. Last time he had to suffer through Kaoru's disgusting rice balls. Now he got to enjoy some tasty miso soup made by the fox doc.

After they ate, they sat around and played cards. Sano suggested they played strip poker, but no one was too thrilled about the idea. After an hour of playing cards, swearing, and mindless jabber, they got bored.

"Hey, let's go check out the bridge over that river," said Kenshin. "We almost fell to our deaths while fishing on it."

"It was a gay old time," said Sano.

They all got up and headed to the river. Sano put his arm on Megumi shoulder. As they continued walking, Sano consistently crept his hand lower and lower until it got to Megumi's butt.

With a disgusted look on her face she said, "Sano, please keep your hand above the equator."

"Fine," said Sano. He then brought his hand back up to his original position.

They got by the river, and there was a crew of labors repairing the bridge. They sat down on a log that was located in front of the river.

"You really went fishing here?" asked Kaoru. "The water is all brown and gross. I can't see how any life could possibly exist in it."

Kenshin said, "We were desperate. Remember, we have nothing."

"Isn't this romantic everybody?" said Sano in his most convincing voice.

Megumi said, "Only when I'm with you."

"Ooh, somebody's frisky!" said Sano.

They sat and watched long into the day. Kenshin cuddled up to Kaoru and put his arm around her. Sano nuzzled up against Megumi and placed his arm around her too. Megumi and Kaoru both sighed happily. After a half-hour, Kenshin and Sano walked the ladies home and then returned to their apartment.

After a few more months of dating, Kenshin and Kaoru become closer than ever. One day while sitting in their apartment, Kenshin made the most important decision of his life.

"Sano," said Kenshin, "You know I love Kaoru."

"Yeah," said Sano while he was cooking lunch, "And your point is…"

"I think it is time for the next step in our relationship. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me."

"Now Kenshin, as a roommate, friend, and guide, I say you'd be stupid not to do it."

"There's something special about her that I really connect to. My heart says yes. I don't think anything bad will come out of this."

"How are you planning on proposing to her?"

"I will obtain a ring…"

"Oh, so unexpected!"

"Shut up Sano."

"Okay."

"As I was saying. I will obtain a ring and tie it to one of her bokkens in the dojo. Then I will convince Kaoru to spar with me. Once in the dojo, she will pick up the appropriate bokken and she will see the ring. I'll make sure there are only two bokkens in the dojo at that time, one for me and one for her. This will ensure she will pick up the right one. It is a foolproof plan."

"You know Kenshin, you put way too much work into things like this."

"And that's why our relationship is more meaningful then yours," Kenshin snickered.

"Where are you going to get the ring?"

"The pawnshop has some nice ones. Rumor has it that one of them was pried of a dead body."

"Cool!" said Sano.

"Let's go pick one out," said Kenshin.

Sano and Kenshin went to the pawnshop. There were all kinds of rings. Also, this was one of the few cases where price was an option. Kenshin was thinking of choosing a round .10-carat with slight tones of yellow and small inclusions consisting of cavities.

Sano said, "Don't you think that it's a little too cheap?"

"Well, it's the thought that counts," replied Kenshin.

"Fine. Live in your little fantasy world."

He bought it and went back to their apartment. When the clock struck midnight, Kenshin ventured out of his apartment and made his way to the Kamiya dojo. He got inside and removed all the bokkens except for two. He then tied the ring to one of them with a string. He took the rest of the bokkens and ran back home. The images of the proceeding day flashed in his head as he tried to sleep. The next day he got up to the smell of Sano making breakfast.

"Today is the day my dear Sano. I shall take a wife."

Sano went over by Kenshin and placed his arms on his shoulders. He looked him straight in the eyes and said, "This is probably your only chance for true love. Don't screw this up. For if you do, you will wither as life flows by. Eventually you will die by the hands of loneliness in a squalor of unappetizing internal torment."

"Ah, I feel much better now" Kenshin said sarcastically.

Kenshin walked nervously over to Kaoru's house. Kaoru was sitting on the front porch. Kenshin went up to her and said, "Miss Kaoru, would you care to spar?"

"Sure," said Kaoru, "Megumi went down to marketplace to buy some tofu for breakfast. She won't be back for a while. I have some time to spare."

She then stood up only to be picked up by Kenshin. Kenshin then carried her bridal style to the dojo.

Kaoru said, "Kenshin, my butt needs more support, and that's a direct order."

"You don't have to tell me, "said Kenshin.

As Kenshin carried her up the steps, he tripped on the last one and fell forward landing on top of Kaoru.

"Sorry Miss Kaoru," said Kenshin. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, but you should stop taking Sano's advice," said Kaoru.

Kenshin then picked himself off of Kaoru and then helped her up. They both went inside. Kenshin was getting extremely nervous because this was it. He went over to the wall and took the bokken that didn't have the ring. Now Kaoru was forced to the pick the one that had the present attached. Kaoru took it, but she didn't notice the ring tied to it. Kenshin was so nervous that he that he didn't realize that Kaoru did not see the ring. She then took the bokken and attacked him. Before Kenshin could do anything, she smacked him in the right leg with it. The string broke and the ring went flying off into the dojo somewhere.

Kaoru saw the ring go flying, so she went after it. She found the ring by the entrance and picked it up. She then said to herself, "What is this?"

Kenshin then hobbled over to her to explain. Finally his injured leg gave out and ended up kneeling one leg. He took the ring away from her and grabbed her hand. He then took his other hand and put the ring on her finger. With all his courage, he said, "Kaoru, will you marry me?"

Days of love, like an arrow shot right through the heart. Kaoru was so happy that she started to cry. That single second of time seemed to drag on for an eternity. In what seemed to be slow motion, she hugged him and said, "Oh, Kenshin! Of course I will."

She let go of him and then he fell over like a ton of bricks onto his back. He was lying on ground holding his leg and screaming in pain.

"Kenshin, this is no way to behave when we're engaged," said Kaoru.

Megumi then walked into room and saw Kenshin lying on the ground in pain and Kaoru next to him with a bokken.

"Kaoru," said Megumi, "I didn't think you hated him that much."

"No, Kenshin proposed to me!" exclaimed Kaoru happily.

"Proposed what?"

"Marriage!"

Megumi ran up to Kaoru and hugged her. "It looks like the manslayer wasn't untouchable after all. I'm so happy for you."

They then started jumping up and down while screaming.

"Ah!" said Kenshin, "I'm not suppose to expose my ears to high frequencies."

Kenshin limped back over to his apartment with great joy. When he got inside, his limp was the first thing Sano noticed.

"Let me guess," said Sano, "She didn't take it very well."

"Quite the contrary. She accepted my offer."

"Wow! This calls for a celebration!" He then pointed to the door and shouted, "To the gambling parlor!"

At the gambling parlor, Sano and Kenshin must have had at least a half-a-dozen cups of saké each. This time, luck was on there side. Sano came out with 50 yen ahead on dice and Kenshin out with 36 yen ahead on cards. They went home and then fell asleep all the while dreaming what they could use their newfound money for.

Kenshin and Kaoru got married a year after they first met. Kenshin moved into the dojo with Kaoru and Megumi. Kaoru got pregnant three months later and gave birth to Kenji nine months later. Sano stayed behind and lived at the apartment.

Kenshin was soaking in the bath one morning. He needed some relaxation after the last couple of strenuous days. He got out of the tub and dried off with a towel. He put his clothes back on and walked back to his bedroom. After sliding the door open, he saw Kaoru sitting on their futon nursing Kenji. His hands went over his face to shield his eyes from this unpleasant sight. "Ah! I'm scarred for life," he yelled.

"He's hungry," Kaoru said forcefully.

Megumi poked her head through the door. "Breakfast is ready. Just come when you're finished." She turned and went back to the kitchen.

"I'm finished," Kenshin said. He raced out to the kitchen. Kaoru got done with Kenji and made her way there also.

Megumi had a noodle dish prepared with all sort of vegetables mixed in. She had a big bowl in the center of the table. There were smaller bowls around it. As she was serving the food she said, "I invited Sano over for breakfast. Now that you're gone Kenshin, he's probably lonely in that apartment of his." Sano made his entrance into the kitchen. He pulled up a seat next to Megumi.

Kenshin just had to make a smart-ass remark. "You come over here so frequently that it's like your living here. Is your only goal in life to mooch off aunt sucker?" He then pointed to Megumi.

"Kenshin," said Megumi, "It doesn't bother me."

Sano said, "I finally figured out what we are going to do on our date today."

"Oh, what did you have in mind?" asked Megumi.

"I thought we could have a pick nick dinner sugar buns. Then we could hike up a hill and watch the stars."

Kenshin then grabbed his throat and let out some gags. "I think I'm going to hurl!"

Kaoru then whacked Kenshin in the back of the head.

Kenshin said, "Ow! What was that for?"

"You're being rude," said Kaoru. "Just for that, I'm putting you on diaper detail."

"Ah, man!" said Kenshin.

With that, a gentle breeze sifted through the air.

"What's that smell?" said everybody as they all held their noses.

"Guess what Kenshin?" said Kaoru. "You just got called for active duty." She then handed Kenji over to Kenshin.

Sano pointed at Kenshin and started laughing at him.

Kenshin then gave Sano a stare and said, "This mission is too hard for one man. I demand reinforcements."

"Damn it!" Sano then reluctantly followed Kenshin into the bedroom to help with the deadly task.

During the mission, there was incoming fire from Kenji. During the attack, Sano took refuge being Kenshin. Kenshin sustained massive damage, while Sano was left unscathed. After the mission was completed, Sano and Kenshin took Kenji and went to the kitchen. Sano then took a piece of cloth and cut it into the shape of a heart.

"What's this?" questioned Kenshin as Sano gave him the heart.

"I'm giving you a purple heart because you were wounded in battle," said Sano jokingly.

"Thanks," said Kenshin irritated.

The day went by pretty normal. Kaoru gave Kenji a bath, which did not have the best of endings. Kaoru got drenched and Kenshin thought it was hilarious. Kenshin also did some chores such laundry and sweeping out the dojo. Evening finally came and it was time for Megumi's date with Sano. Sano came to pick Megumi up at 7:00 P.M. After they both left, Kaoru wanted to have some fun.

Kaoru got on their futon and called Kenshin into the room.

"What do you want?" said Kenshin as he walked into the room.

"Show me the way to paradise," said Kaoru with a lust in her eyes.

"Isn't one kid enough?" said Kenshin.

Kaoru then pulled Kenshin on to the futon. Muffled screams could then be heard from the room.

As they walked to the pick nick area, Sano held hands with Megumi. Sano choose a spot that was in the shade of a big cherry blossom tree. He took the blanket out of the basket and put it on the ground.

"Welcome to flavor country!" said Sano with a big grin on his face.

He then pulled out sashimi rapped in seaweed, rice balls, sushi, fruit, and gyokuro. They ate their food solemnly. Afterwards, they decided to sit and talk before their hike up the hill.

"Megumi," said Sano, "You're welcome to sit in my lap."

"Isn't that being a little improper 'Mr. Big Sword'?" said Megumi.

"My intentions are scrupulous."

"Uh, okay."

She sat down in Sano's lap and leaned against his chest. The heat radiating from his body to hers made her feel safe and secure. Sano rapped his arms around her waist and began to sway her from side to side.

"Sano," asked Megumi, "What do you think of nature?"

"I like grass," said Sano.

"Well, I like flowers that grow out of the grass."

He picked an azalia and put it in her hair.

"Oh, how sweet!" exclaimed Megumi.

He then grabbed her hair and moved it out of the way. He tenderly kissed the back of her neck. Megumi giggled with delight.

Time passed by quickly, but Sano and Megumi didn't notice. They were too busy in their own little world of enchantment. All of a sudden, a cherry fell from the tree and hit Sano in the head. He then snapped back into reality.

"I believe it's time to take our leisurely hike," said Sano.

"Ooh, I can hardly wait for what lays ahead!" said Megumi as she plopped out of Sano's lap. Sano packed up their stuff and made their way up the hill.

It was a little before 9:00 P.M. Sano and Megumi were lying on the ground staring at the stars. They lay next to each other so personal space was available, but so security was available too. The dancing stars that twinkled above hypnotized them. They gave Sano a warm fuzzy feeling, which he mistook for heartburn. If the sun would suddenly explode and cast the world into a freezing apocalypse, it wouldn't faze them.

"Sano," said Megumi, "I want to thank you again for saving me the other day. That was the first time where you showed your true colors. You really do care about me don't you?"

"It was no problem," said Sano. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I remember the times I walked alone. Then when I found you, you made me come alive."

"At first, you were such a jerk. Now, you are one of the sweetest men I have ever met. Beneath your outrageous masculinity, you have real admiration for women. I've never seen a man try so hard to win a girl's affection. Before you entered my life, I was incredibly lonely. All I wanted was to be loved by someone. My dream has finally come true."

"I have longed for a woman who is strong and who stands up for her beliefs. I thought I could never find a woman like that. Lucky for me I was wrong. You are the women I envisioned falling in love with. You're seriousness and slyness really create alluring appeal. You are more forward when it comes down to liking someone. Having a self-sufficient woman around was my fantasy. In that way, you remind me of myself. The mysterious sensuality you have intrigues me. In summary, you light my fire baby."

"It took some hard work, but I managed to mold you into an acceptable man." Megumi passionately said.

They talked and talked some more. Well, there was that one incident where Sano fell asleep during Megumi's lecture on opium. She shook him so hard his heart skipped a beat. Ignoring that, it was a romance for the ages. Later in the night dark clouds approached the twinkling stars above. Thunder soon commenced, followed by lightning and a flashflood. Sano and Megumi were right in the middle of the downpour. They were drenched from head to toe, but still laid there in their loving trance. Megumi got a rather devious look on her face and got up. She jumped on top of Sano and pulled him down the hill. They flew down the side together reaching rather high velocities because of the wetness. They both slammed into a huge mud pit at the bottom. Sano landed on Megumi and kissed her. Their mouths were so filled with mud, that they almost suffocated themselves. Sano then got up out of the mud and helped Megumi up.

"That's what I'm talking about," said Sano. "It just isn't an adventure if you come out not looking like you were buried alive."

"Despite the fun darling, what do we do about our clothes?" Megumi questioned.

"Leave it to the pawn, I mean the chore boy, I mean Kenshin. He'll wash them."

They both declared the date officially over, so they went back to the dojo. In the midst of all the rain, they managed to find the Kamiya dojo. By time they reached it, the storm passed on to destroy other regions. They got up to the front of the dojo when Kenshin opened the door. With bugged out eyes he glared at them. He did not say anything though.

"Kenshin my boy, glad to see you," said Sano. "Wash our clothes."

Megumi went into the bathroom and got a towel. She then went into her bedroom to dry off and put on a dry night kimono. She placed her dirty clothes in front of the door. Kaoru came into the main room. She was holding Kenji, who was wrapped in a towel. "Kenshin, show Sano to our bath. He can clean himself up."

"I don't want to make a big hassle. All I need is a towel to wipe myself off."

"All right Sano," said Kaoru. "Just go into the bathroom and grab a towel. There should be some in the cupboard."

Kenshin lead Sano to the bathroom. He wiped off all the visible dirt and came back out.

"Now Kenshin, show our guest to our futon. He can wait there while his clothes are being washed and dried."

Once again Kenshin lead Sano to the appropriate destination. Kenshin stood outside the closed door while Sano was inside undressing. Once he was done he said, "Kenshin, you can come in now."

Kenshin walked into the bedroom. Sano was laying naked on his futon under the covers. He whipped his arm out and threw his clothes at Kenshin. His pants landed on his head. All the while doing this, Sano was laughing at him. Kenshin got furious but kept his cool. Sano sat on his pillow and started to rub his butt against it.

"No!" Screamed Kenshin. "Kaoru! Sano is wiping his butt against my pillow!"

Kaoru yelled from the living room. "Stop your whining Kenshin!"

With power searing in his veins, Sano loosely looked at Kenshin. "Make sure to pick up Megumi's clothes as well. Now be gone slave, I grow weary of your mindless antics." He waved his hand at Kenshin.

Kenshin stormed outside the bedroom mumbling. A few minutes went by and another knock was heard at the door.

"Come in," said Sano.

Megumi came in and sat on the futon next to him.

"Wasn't that kind of mean of making Kenshin do our laundry?" asked Megumi.

"Nah, he lives to serve," said Sano.

Megumi then leaned in and kissed him. Kenshin then opened up the door to return Sano's clothes.

"Holy Vegemite!" screamed Kenshin. "Great, now I have to burn the futon."

"Relax slave," said Sano. "Nothing happened. Just give me my clothes and I'll be on my way."

Kenshin tossed his clothes at him. Megumi and him then left the room.

While they were standing in the hallway, Kenshin said, "Are you sure you guys didn't uh…conjugate?"

"Yes Kenshin," said Megumi as she rolled her eyes.

Sano got dressed and left the room. He hugged Megumi and kissed her goodbye. Sano asked Kenshin if he would walk home with him. He agreed.

As they were walking, Sano said, "I think its time for me to propose to Megumi."

"You don't want to do that," said Kenshin almost yelling.

"Why not?" asked Sano puzzled.

"Sano," said Kenshin, "Do you understand reality? All women are nice and compassionate before you say 'I do.' But then after the big day, they turn into bloodthirsty demons. They just nag and yell at you. They constantly try to ruin your fun. Before you know it, you're just a poor being with no soul who is forced to tend to their every need for eternity. You just become a shell of your former self."

"Kenshin, you're full of crap. I love Megumi and I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

They finally got to Sano's apartment. Sano waved goodbye as he entered his lonesome bachelor pad. Kenshin then went back to his house. He entered his bedroom hesitantly.

"Come on Kenshin," said Kaoru as she padded the empty spot next to her, "Get on the futon. It's time to go to sleep."

"No way," said Kenshin. "Sano was lying on this thing naked. To make matters worse, he rubbed his ass against my pillow. I can't even understand how you can lay on that thing."

"Stop being a baby," said Kaoru. "There's nothing wrong with it. Get on the futon now. I want to cuddle."

"Now I'm defiantly not getting on it."

"Do it!"

"Oh, fine. But I won't like it." He then got on it and got under the covers. Kaoru moved up real close to Kenshin. She then took his arm and put it around herself.

"What happened to me?" asked Kenshin in his mind as Kaoru rested her head on his shoulder.

The next day Kaoru and Kenshin got up to Kenji screaming. Kenshin was still half a sleep when he went into the bath. He came out with a towel wrapped around him. He walked into his bedroom to get dressed. Kaoru was holding Kenji but he was still screaming. Kenshin covered his ears and said, "Where in the heck is that clock me and Sano had. At least that thing made a loud obnoxious sound in key."

"Now that you're fully awake my sexy samurai, go shop for some food for today," said Kaoru.

Kenshin said, "For the last time, I'm not a samurai." In a sarcastic tone he said, "Now my queen, what do you desire?" He then bowed to her.

"Eggplant sounds good. Get some green tea too. I have to keep my sexy samurai nice and healthy."

Kenshin put his hands over his face. "Uh!"

He finished getting dressed and took the money Kaoru gave him. He slowly walked outside trying to avoid the disastrous chores just around the bend. He thought, "I shouldn't be doing all the shopping. This is more of a woman's job. And why do we have to eat eggplant? I'm eating just as bad as when I was single."

He got the eggplants and green tea just like he was supposed to. Kaoru gave him just enough money so that he couldn't have any fun with the leftovers. On the way back to his house he passed Sano's apartment. He stood in front of the door for a moment. "I'll see what Sano's up to. He could use a visit and I could use a break from Captain Bring-down."

He went up to the door and knocked on it. No one answered. He knocked on it again but again nothing. He slid open the door open to find Sano lying on the floor. Sano was on his side and peered up at Kenshin. He was moaning and holding his stomach.

"Whew, I'm sure glad to see you. I'm not feeling well. My stomach is irritating me, but I have no idea what it could be. Could you get Megumi for me? I don't want to leave my apartment because it might be contagious."

"Sure buddy. You do so much for me that I should return you a favor."

Kenshin ran outside and went back to the dojo. On his way there he realized Sano never did anything for him. He dashed into the courtyard and into the house. He put the groceries in the kitchen. His next mission was to find Megumi, who was in her medicine closet. When he reached her he was panting heavily.

"Megumi." He was trying to catch his breath. "Something happened to Sano."

"How original of him to get into trouble."

"His stomach is ill. He doesn't know what it is but because it might be contagious, he decided to stay home. He wanted me to fetch you."

"This could be a relapse from his previous injury. I'll go now."

She packed up her medical supplies. She bided ado to Kenshin and left for Sano's apartment. She hurried over as fast as she could. Sano's moaning could be heard from the apartment next to his. She went inside and found him lying helplessly on the floor. Sano sat up and looked at her. Through the pain he spoke. "I think I might be suffering from L.D."

"L.D.? You've got a liver disorder? In that case lay off the saké. Consuming large quantities can do bad things to your body."

"Hell no! You don't understand. I'm suffering from a love disorder. The symptoms include constantly thinking about you, liking you, having warm fuzzy feelings, migraines, acid reflex, brain hemorrhages, rotting flesh…"

"I get the point. Well sort of," Megumi said as she scratched her head.

"I believe the only cure is for you to say 'yes'." Sano got up on his knee and pulled out a ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Consider yourself no longer critical, but stable instead."

Sano put the ring on Megumi's finger. He got up and they shared a lengthy kiss. Megumi suggested that they go back to the dojo and announce the news. Megumi skipped all the way back to the dojo with Sano following behind. She put on a stern face and entered the dojo. Kaoru and Kenshin were in the living room reading. Kenshin took notice of Megumi's stern attitude and started to cry. He got on his hands, knees, and started to pound the ground with his fist.

"Damn you stomach disorder!" He shouted. "You took another a victim. Damn you to hell!"

Sano popped out in front of Megumi. Kenshin looked up to see Sano standing there. He pointed his finger at him. "You're supposed to be dead."

Megumi took Sano's hand and broke the news. "Sano proposed to me. We're engaged!"

Sano said, "Kenshin, this was just a ploy. I was never really sick. The whole point of it was to win the hand of my lady."

Kenshin pointed his finger at Sano again. "You used me Sagara! You used me!"

Kaoru had tears streaming down her face. She got up and hugged Megumi. She held out the ring to Kaoru. Kaoru examined it and said to Sano, "Where did you get this ring?"

"I got it at the pawn shop where Kenshin got his. It's the same ring except for the slight tones of green obviously."

Sano and Megumi got married a couple months later. They got married three years after they met. Megumi moved into Sano's little apartment. After they saved enough money, they bought the house next to the Kamiya dojo. They moved into it and the rest is well…history.

"…Oh, yeah!" exclaimed Kenshin as he started to return into reality. Kaoru came back outside and marched towards Kenshin.

"Lunch is ready," said Kaoru. "Hey, why aren't you done with the laundry yet? I give you one simple task to do and you can't even do that."

Kenji and Yahiko came up to them because they were curious about what was going on.

"Sorry," said Kenshin. "I was having a really long flashback about our origin."

"Oh, I want to have a flashback," said Kenji. He then stared off into space. After a few moments he said, "Hey, its not working for me!"

"That's because you weren't born yet simpleton!" said Kenshin.

"Listen," said Kaoru. "Just come inside for lunch."

As they were heading indoors, Kaoru said to Kenshin, "After lunch, you have to finish the laundry. Then you have to sweep out the dojo, chop firewood, and gather water from the lake. Also, this time, I want no more flashbacking or doodling around. Do you understand?"

"Yes," said Kenshin as he had his fingers crossed behind his back.

The End


	5. Episode 5

KATSUHIRO THE ZERO

"Sano," said Megumi, "You can't go around telling people that our house is a historical landmark and then charge them to see it."

"But puddin', said Sano, "I was making money for us. I figured that we could use the extra income."

"Listen you can keep the money you made, but quit while you're ahead."

"Yes matron."

"Okay, since that's settled, let's hit the hay."

They walked from the living room and into their bedroom. They changed into their sleeping clothes and went to the bedroom. They slithered into their futon.

Sano put his arm around Megumi and said, "Want to take a tour of me? It's free of charge!"

"Sorry," said Megumi as she took his arm off her, "But you're closed for today." She then went rambling on about her patients. The last thing Sano heard before he fell asleep was about an old lady and a puss filled growth on her leg.

After a few minuets, Megumi heard Sano's snoring. She took her pillow and hit him in the head with it. He snorted and woke up disoriented. "The imperialists have come to finish me off! Huh…oh, it's only you. What was that for?"

"The least you could do is stay awake when I talk to you. It's not like I'm asking you to enjoy it. Well, I'm done. Now let's get some rest."

Sano put his hand against his forehead. "That was certainly pointless."

And so they did. The night came and went by as usual. In the wee hours of the morn, Megumi got up to Sano kicking her while he was asleep. She yawned and stretched for a minute. Megumi trailed off into the kitchen to make some green tea.

At the same time as this was going on, a stranger was wandering through town. He passed an apartment complex and laughed at its dilapidated appearance. Eventually he made his way past the Kamiya dojo. He stopped at the end of the lot and took a gander at the house next to it.

In the kitchen, Megumi was boiling some water in a pot. Once she was done she mixed in the tea ingredients. All of a sudden her bladder kicked in, so she raced to the bathroom. The tea was sitting on the counter all freshly brewed.

The stranger took notice of the fragrance in the air. He went up to the house and walked into the kitchen. He spotted the tea and took it. After a hefty swig of it he sat down at the table. Megumi came back relieved from the bathroom. She hummed to herself as she walked back to the kitchen. Immediately after crossing the threshold into the kitchen, she saw the darkened figure against the pale sunlight. She froze for a moment with mouth agate, before yelling for help. "Sano! There's a quaint stranger casually sipping tea in our kitchen minding his own business! Help me!"

Sano rushed into the kitchen as fast as he could. With him was his mighty zanbattou. He slid right up to the stranger and pointed his weapon right at his head. He shouted, "Now you die!"

The stranger swallowed the remaining tea and turned towards Sano. He had a cheerful look on his face. "Hey Sano, how's it going?" He waved his hand at him.

Sano dropped his weapon on the floor in utter shock. He slapped the stranger on the back of his shoulder. "Katsu, you came back from the dead. It's good to see you buddy."

Megumi dropped her jaw to the floor. "This hoodlum is your friend?"

Sano turned towards Megumi. "Yeah. It all goes back to my days in the revolution. Katsu and I were in the…"

Megumi raised her hands in the air. "I know. I've heard you talk about it so many times I'm starting to remember myself fighting in the Seikihoutai."

"Ah. Those were the good old days," Katsu interrupted.

Sano and Katsu started talking about the revolution, Captain Sagara, and eventually transitioned into why you shouldn't stare at the sun. Megumi whined, "What have I done?" She ran away into the bedroom screaming. Sano and Katsu continued their conversation. Near the end Megumi pulled herself back together and rejoined them.

"Katsu, you have to meet my chum who lives next store. He's a riot," Sano said.

"Is his house the one with the dojo by it?"

"Yep."

"He must be loaded!"

Sano, Megumi, and Katsu went next door to Kenshin's house. Sano knocked on the door and Kenshin opened it up. Standing behind him was Kaoru. Sano pulled Katsu out front and said, "You have to meet my friend."

"Hello. My name is Kenshin Himura."

"I'm Katsuhiro Tsukioka. You can call me Katsu for short. Wait a second; did you say your name was Kenshin Himura? I thought you were killed in the revolution!"

"Nah, not really. I was killed at home by Agent Black." He pointed his thumb backwards as Kaoru.

Kaoru, trying to subdue her homicidal tendencies, said, "Why don't you guys come in?"

Kenshin led the way into the living room. Everybody sat down in a circle formation. Kenshin asked, "So, how do you support yourself?"

"Kenshin, mind your manners," scolded Kaoru.

"It's okay," said Katsu. "After the revolution I moved to Tokyo where I became a painter. I'm sure you've seen my work because I'm kind of popular now."

"Is doodles your only claim to fame?" asked Kenshin.

"Uh huh."

Kaoru shook Megumi. "Let's go get some tea for everybody."

"Good idea. Katsu drank all mine."

The women got up and left the living room. Katsu looked around for a minute before speaking again. He whispered, "Actually most of my money comes from something else. I make bombs and sell them to the black-market. Someday I'll have to show you my secret stash."

Kenshin and Sano had the brightest gleams known to man in their eyes. Simultaneously they said, "Whoa."

"Shhh," Katsu exclaimed as he placed his forefinger on his lips.

They heard rattling and then the source of it. Megumi came in first with Kaoru not far behind. They were carrying the green tea on trays. They sat down and put the trays in the center. Everybody helped themselves to the drinks.

"Megumi, I have a question for you," said Kaoru. "Tae and Tomoe are coming over tonight for a ladies night out. Want to join us?"

"Does it have anything to do with Captain Sagara?" asked Megumi.

"Not to my knowledge."

"I'll come, but what time?"

"Come around 7:00 P.M."

Kenji came into the room spell-bounded by the appearance of Katsu.

"Hey Kenji," said Kenshin. "Come over and meet Katsu. He was in the Seikihoutai with Sano."

"Hey, kid!" said Katsu. "How old are you?"

"I'm ten," said Kenji.

"Still a minor, huh? Well, you can still volunteer for the army like Sano and I did."

"Awesome!"

"My son is not joining some army!" snapped Kaoru.

"Since the dolls are having a get-together, why don't we too?" said Katsu. "There's a new bar in the marketplace called the Hadouken. I've always wanted to go there."

"That's sounds fun," said Sano.

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "I can get out of this prison for a night and leave the warden behind."

Kaoru said, "One more remark like that, and you'll be placed in solitary confinement," said Kaoru with a smirk.

"Ah! The bedroom! I'll be quite."

After a while, Kenshin decided to make lunch. He felt that it wouldn't be a good idea to have Katsu eat Kaoru's cooking because he might ruin Sano's friendship with him. After all, it was Sano's idea to bring him here. Kenshin prepared rice balls and amago.

After lunch, Katsu, Kenshin, Sano, and Kenji went to see a sumo match. They got some seats near the side of the arena. Sano, Kenshin, and Katsu all made some bets before the matches started.

While sitting in their seats, Kenji kept making fun of the sumo wrestlers.

"Now Kenji," said Kenshin. "These sumo wrestlers are professional athletes. You should respect them."

He then turned his attention towards the ring.

"Hey tub of lard!" yelled Kenshin to the wrester on the right side. "You better win! I've got money riding on you!"

After a couple matches, Kenshin and the rest of the gang were kicked out for creating a public disturbance.

When they returned, it was around suppertime. Since they had a special guest among them, they went to the Akabeko.

While they were sitting at their table waiting for their beef-hot-pot, Katsu wanted to know what happened to Sano after the revolution.

"After the revolution," said Sano, "Kenshin and I came wandered for three months and then ended up in Tokyo where we met our present wives. So, what's your story?"

"After the Seikihoutai disbanded, I met two sailors from America. Their ship crashed on the coast and they were stranded. Their names were Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico. I became good friends with them because of all the traveling we did together. You see, since their ship was wrecked they lacked sufficient supplies. We entered the traveling gambling circuit with three-card-Monte as our trade. This way they could solve their financial woes and buy supplies. I went with them because I could be their guide. Everything was going well until we hit Tokyo. One day we were conducting business as usual, but one of our costumers was a sword policemen. He stumbled upon our scam and arrested Tommy and Victor for fraud. I managed to escape but I felt bad for them. Once their incarceration is over, I'll meet them at the gate."

"That tale was filled with all kinds of whimsy and wonder. It blows our dinky stories right out off the water," said Kenshin.

Everybody was impatiently waiting for the foodstuff. When it came everybody leaped onto it like it was there last day on earth. The food seemed especially tasty this time. But the standout character here was Katsu. He couldn't get enough of it. It blew his mind away.

"You guys are so lucky," Kastu said. "Just think you all get to eat this good food everyday of your lives. I envy you."

"To be ignorant again," Kenshin said smiling.

It came around 6:45 when the Kenshin-gumi plus Katsu finally finished their meal. Everybody was stuffed beyond belief. The gang reported back home so that the women could prepare for their friends and the men could acquire bar money. Kaoru and Megumi went straight to the kitchen to prepare the snacks for later. Kenshin, Sano, and Katsu were in rut because there was no money to be found. They wandered around for 15 minutes before they struck at Kaoru's drawers in the bedroom. Since Kenshin was the husband, he dove into all the dirty work. He passed through all kinds of undergarments and what not to find it. Katsu and Sano were behind him keeping an eye out for Kaoru.

"Jackpot!" Kenshin screamed.

"Kenshin," said Katsu. "Are you sure it's wise to take money from your wife like this?"

"Look at it this way Katsu," said Kenshin. "Would you rather have a woman spend the money on clothes that will last a lifetime, or a man spend it on drinks that will last 5 minutes? Having something bad for a long time is worse than having something good for a short time. The rule is quality, or drinks, is better than quantity, or time."

Kenshin closed the drawer and put the money in his pocket. The three of them whistled as they walked out of the bedroom. This way they wouldn't draw any attention to themselves. When they entered the living room, Tae and Tomoe were sitting and talking to the wives. Tae and Tomoe turned their attention towards the array of men standing before them.

"Who's the sidekick?" asked Tae as she looked at Kenshin and Sano.

"He's my childhood friend," replied Sano. "He was in the Seikihoutai with me."

"You can stop there," said Tae. "We don't need to hear the big epic saga again."

Sano just grumbled to himself in disgust.

Tomoe asked, "Where are you going tonight?"

Katsu said, "Were going to a new bar in the marketplace for a guys night out."

"Well, don't get too drunk," said Tomoe.

"We'll try, but we can't guarantee anything," said Katsu.

Kenji ran into the room and went to Kenshin.

Kenji pleaded, "Dad, can I please go with you to the bar."

"Sorry," said Kenshin. "The bar is not a place for children. Besides you have to sacrifice yourself for the better of the group."

Kenji said, "Okay?"

"Well, off to estrogen world you go!" said Kenshin.

He then put his hand on Kenji's foreword and pushed him into the group of women.

"Nooo…!" screamed Kenji as the women surrounded him and then devoured him.

His voice gently faded off into the distance.

Katsu, Kenshin and Sano walked to the bar with ease. When they got to the establishment, they took their seats at the bar counter. The bartender was digging around behind the counter for some supplies. He was a short man who was bald and had a mustache. He must have weighed around 225 pounds. When he noticed them, he stood up and gave them a smile. The first thing that Sano, Kenshin, Katsu noticed about him was that he was missing some teeth.

He pointed to himself and said, "Hi! The name's Scruffy."

Katsu said, "Scruffy? That's not a real name."

"In here it is," said Scruffy. "Now what can I get you city folk?"

Kenshin said, "I'll take a Black Samurai."

"Give me a Hokkaido Cocktail," said Sano.

Katsu said, "I'm feeling extra manly today. I'll have a Tokyo Rose."

The barkeep made the drinks and gave them to the sober men.

After his drink, Kenshin said, "Women: You can't live with them and you can't live without them."

Sano said, "Ain't that the truth."

"I don't understand," said Katsu. "That's a paradox. How can a man feel both ways at the same time?"

"You wouldn't understand," said Kenshin, "Because you're not in the realm of the dead yet. You're still single."

They drank and drank some more until they were hammered down like a nail in a board. Sano then started to explain some inane theory.

Sano said, "In order to create a wormhole in space, you would need to swing your sword in a circular motion at a high velocity. This would create a disturbance in the space and time field. The wormhole would allow you to travel in hyperspace."

Katsu said, "That is a really intriguing theory."

"I want to experiment with that right now," said Kenshin.

"Not in here you won't," said Scruffy. "You'll have to take it outside."

The women were having their own lively discussions back home.

"Kenji!" yelled Kaoru from the living room. "Get in here with the snacks, and pronto!"

Kenji then came into the room with a tray of rice balls, sushi and cups of saké. As he went by the women, they stole everything off the tray at light speed.

Kaoru said, "Men: You can't live with them and you can't live without them."

"How romantic is Kenshin?" asked Tomoe.

"I don't know," said Kaoru. "He's never been romantic to me. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure he even knows."

"Could you get me some more saké, Kenji?" asked Tae.

"Bite me!" said Kenji.

"Do it!" said Kaoru. "Or you'll be shoe shining for us for the rest of your life."

Kenji went into the kitchen to retrieve the alcoholic beverage.

All they pretty much did the entire time was play cards, throw dice, boss around Kenji, and talk about womanly things.

"See," said Megumi, "The trick to wearing makeup is to not look like you're wearing any at all. But that shouldn't be so hard for Kaoru."

Everybody laughed except for Karou and Kenji. Kaoru just grumbled angrily to herself. Kenji was just sitting there wondering why he had to stay behind and suffer through this mindless garbage.

When Megumi got back into her makeup tips, Kenji went to Kenshin's bedroom and got one of his robe belts. He then returned to room where the coven was holding its convocation. He took the belt and formed a noose out of it. He then put his head in it.

"Kenji! Give me that!" said Kaoru as she went up to Kenji and took the belt away from him. "Stop being a jerk, and go get us some more rice balls."

Kenji obeyed and went into the kitchen. When he stepped back into the room with the food, Tomoe said, "Kenji, since you're up, could you please bring me some sushi?"

Kenji turned around and went back into the kitchen swearing under his breath.

Back at the bar, Kenshin and Sano were attacking Katsu for being an artist.

"Are you some kind of wimp?" asked Sano. "What kind of man paints for a living?"

"Just because I'm an artist that doesn't make me fruity," responded Katsu. "Besides, I at least have a job unlike you two."

"I have a job," said Kenshin. "I protect people with my sakabatou. I'm also a teacher."

Sano poked Kenshin on the shoulder a couple of times. "First off, you haven't protected anybody in months. Secondly, you're not a teacher. You were a substitute while Kaoru was at a convention."

"I don't protect anybody because business is slow. Blame the darn crime market that's going down. It's not fair! And don't start talking about your get-rich-quick schemes; that's not a real job either."

"Ah Touché," Sano said.

"Then it's settled then, I'm the only man here who has done something with his life," Katsu said as he pointed to himself.

Scruffy started growling from his throat. He turned and shot out a wad of spit into a canister on the floor. He then said, "What about me?"

"Like I said, I'm the only man here who has done something with his life."

It was getting pretty late in the night, so the guys decided to head home. Kenshin paid the tab with Kaoru's money. When they left Scruffy was still behind the bar, picking junk out of his teeth with a rusty dagger. The three men were kind of wobbly and relatively wasted.

"Farewell Kenshin and Sano. I tell you what; I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life, even if it means getting married first." He hiccupped and went back to his apartment.

Kenshin and Sano physically supported one another as they went back to their houses. They just missed Tomoe and Tae who left the dojo a minute earlier. It was good that they didn't run into each other. With the whole loss of rational thinking, a conversation would have been a disaster.

Kenshin walked up into his house and fumbled through it. He tried to be as quite as he could be. He passed Kenji's bedroom, where he was fast asleep. When he reached his bedroom, Kaoru was sleeping too. He walked into his bedroom and yawned. Kaoru woke up, opened her eyes, and looked at Kenshin.

"Oh darling, you're home"

"Uh huh. Man, you're looking ravishing right now. I don't know if it's the drink talking or me, but want to have some adult fun?"

"I can't believe that I'm saying this: no. You're in no condition for a workout. I mean you smell like booze. Just come to bed; we can do it another time."

"Ah shucks." Kenshin said.

He stumbled over to the futon and slumped over onto it. Instantly he fell asleep.

In the Sagara household, Megumi woke up to some talking. She climbed out of bed and followed the noise. She peered right around the corner into the Kitchen. Sano was standing there having an argument with a plant.

"Listen mister, you can stay the night but not one second longer okay? We don't appreciate freeloaders among these here parts." He then sighed and lay down on the kitchen floor. He went out like a light bulb.

Megumi said quietly, "I don't even want to bother." She went back to the bedroom to sleep.

Katsu stumbled on over to his apartment. It took him longer because he was not able to walk in a straight line like he usually could. With grace as his enemy he almost tripped over his feet a few times before making it there. When he reached the threshold of his apartment, he started to hallucinate. He opened the door and found Elvis Presley in the middle of the room. He was silently frying a peanut butter and bacon sandwich over a fire. Katsu said, "You're my new roommate?"

Elvis looked at Katsu and gave him the thumbs up sign. Katsu bobbed his head up and down and said, "Yeah."

Then he passed out on the floor.

The End


	6. Episode 6

A REVIEW TO A KILL

"Hello, I'm Roger Ebert."

"And I'm Richard Roeper. Today we'll be reviewing the sixth installment of the 'Married… with Kaoru' franchise."

"About every page length of story, we're going to have a review segment of the action thus far," said Ebert. "This should be an interesting time so let's get started."

Kenshin and Kenji were walking towards the side of the dojo carrying logs. Their chore today was to set up the bath. When they got up to the door, Kenji bumped the lock and broke it. He didn't realize it so he placed the logs in anyhow. Kenshin followed through also. Then they figured out the lock was broken.

"Kenji, did you break the lock?"

"I guess so. I felt something bump my arm."

"Oh well, things will happen. The best way to handle these situations is to adapt to them."

"Are we done adapting yet?" said Kenji.

"Yes we are. Now let's light the logs up because I could use a nice bath. The black widow spider was giving me a hard time today."

"Okay pop."

Kenshin took out a match stuck it numerous times before lighting it. He then tossed it into the logs. A small explosion ensued and a fire was created. With the door ajar, Kenshin and Kenji went back to the house oblivious to the danger. A log rolled out of the furnace onto the grass, where it lit it on fire. Just then Kaoru came walking by carrying two pales of water. She saw her grass engulfed in flames and gasped. She ran over to it and frantically doused the fire out with both buckets. Where the grass used to lay was a charred empty area.

"My lawn!" Kaoru cried. "My plush ecosystem of plant-life is ruined."

Kenshin and Kenji heard her screams and came running out. Since Kenshin was taking a bath, he ran out with a towel wrapped around him. It was flapping in the wind but fortunately it did not come off. They reached the burned spot and looked down at it with surprise.

"Dad, look what we did. We're in a heap of trouble."

"What did you say?" Kaoru said.

Kenshin put his hand over Kenji's mouth. "Don't pay attention to him. Kids have the wildest imaginations. Next thing you know he'll be saying I wasn't responsible for trying to prevent this."

"But dad, that's the truth."

Kenshin put his hand over his forehead. "Kenji, why must you stab me in the back. I created you so therefore I can destroy you."

"That's enough you two. The point here is that my lawn is ruined because of you. Kenshin, you're so irresponsible. It's gotten so bad that Kenji is becoming another you. I don't know what to do with you two anymore. I'm losing my mind!"

Kaoru got really tense. All of sudden she bellowed beyond what Kenshin thought she was capable of. Then she turned limp and fainted onto the ground.

"Mom!" said Kenji. He ran over to her.

Kenshin raised his hand towards Kenji. "Kenji, don't be a hero!"

Kenshin walked over by Kaoru. After they figured out she was still alive, Kenshin draped her over his shoulder. He carried he into the house and into their bedroom. He placed her face-up on the futon.

"Now what do we do?" asked Kenji.

"I have an idea." Kenshin started to poke Kaoru in the stomach. Then he started to shake her madly.

Kaoru opened her eyes and pushed Kenshin away. She fell back down on her pillow groaning. She started to sob a bit. "I feel absolutely nothing right now. Kenshin, you have pushed me so far this time there is no emotion to describe it yet."

"Is mom insane?" asked Kenji.

"No Son. You're mother has just suffered a nervous breakdown. I think that I will be sleeping in a different room tonight. We also should place locks on our bedroom doors to be safe."

"Dad, why don't we get Megumi?"

"That sounds good. Since this is serious though, let's get Dr. Genzai too. Maybe he can jack her up on morphine or something. Go fetch them lad."

Kenji ran out of the house to embark on his quest. Kenshin went back to the bathroom and changed into his clothes. He then went back to the bedroom and stayed there all the while fearing what might happen to him if Kaoru reentered reality.

"And were back with our review of the show," said Roeper. "So far Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone and Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu have taken us into a surreal world filled with some bizarre antics. Some of which that are too conveniently staged. Take for instance, Kaoru carrying the buckets of water towards the burning lawn. That's too unrealistic and predictable. Its like the writers are trying to keep this story from being original."

"I would have to agree but the thing that really struck me was the stupidity of some of the characters," said Ebert. "You have some comedies where the characters are dopey but have a certain wit to them. That makes them loveable. Here, they're just plain dumb. I also have a problem with Kenji. Is he there just to be cute or what? Right now he's like filler material that doesn't bring anything to the show."

"Although I'm still having some hope for this Roger. It could be a mere rocky beginning to a story that gets better as it goes along. Let's stay opened minded here."

"I guess you're right Richard. It looks like the story is trying to take off so maybe it will later on. We'll be back in a moment with our continued review."

A half-an-hour went by and Kenji still had not returned. Kenshin was keeping an eye on Kaoru. Now she was moaning from a headache. Kenshin was sidetracked by the fantasies of Kaoru strangling him to death. He started to sweat.

"Kenshin," mumbled Kaoru. "Get me some…ah…ice." She started to zone in and out.

"I'm not getting involved. Ice can be used as a weapon against me you know."

"Do it you husband impersonator!"

Kenshin walked out of the bedroom never taking his eye of Kaoru. Once he got to the door, he ran like he never ran before. He went to the icebox, got some ice, and came back. He gave the ice to Kaoru. With all her strength she placed the ice bag on her head. A minute later Kenji came into the bedroom. Behind him were Dr. Genzai and his two grandchildren, Megumi, and Sano. Dr. Genzai made his way to the front and then to the bedside of Kaoru. He motioned for Megumi to follow. Kenshin tried to sneak out of the bedroom.

"Megumi and I will look over Kaoru," said Dr. Genzai. "Ayame and Suzume, why don't you go play with Kenji outside. And Kenshin, don't sneak out because we have a special job for you. You can divert all of Kaoru's anguish."

"You know doctor, I thought you were supposed to help people because this isn't helping me."

"I'll stay too," said Sano.

Everybody stared at Sano. "I want to see Kenshin fry, I mean I want to keep her company. She's my friend and all."

Kenji led Ayame and Suzume outside to play. Meanwhile Yahiko was walking down the road. He took notice of Kenji and went over to him. When he got closer, he saw a stressed look on his face.

"Kenji you look weird. Are you constipated or something?"

"No. My mom just had a nervous breakdown."

"Kaoru had a nervous breakdown? How the mighty have fallen," said Yahiko.

"I think she'll be okay. Come play with us," said Kenji.

Yahiko turned his attention to Ayame and Suzume. He then looked back at Kenji. "I'd love to but I just remembered I'm allergic to lame stuff."

"We're not lame!" shouted Ayame.

"Yeah!" shouted Suzume.

"Sorry Yahiko," said Kenji. "The crowd hath spoken." He grabbed Yahiko by the arm and dragged him along.

"Please Kenji, don't do this. What do you want, money, a woman? I'll get anything you ask for," said Yahiko.

In Kenshin and Kaoru's bedroom, Dr. Genzai was addressing the symptoms.

"Let's see. You're experiencing headaches, you're tired, you appear spaced out, and you fainted earlier. It seems like you have underwent a lot of stress. I determined that because Kenshin and Kenji seem to be the main theme of your complaining. A nervous breakdown seems reasonable."

"Hey doc, can I ask you something?" asked Kenshin.

"Go ahead," said Dr. Genzai.

"Is…you know…bad for you?" asked Kenshin.

"What's bad for you?"

"Um…how can I put this? Ah yes. I'm asking if it's bad to have courtship."

"If anything, it's good for you. It provides exercise, burns calories, not to mention it's fun," said Dr. Genzai.

"What do you know you old perverted fool," Kenshin mumbled to himself. He crossed his arms together.

"Kaoru, you're going to be just fine," said Megumi. "We'll prescribe some medication for you that will calm you down. Some herbal tea will relax your muscles and some massage therapy might work wonders. Also continue to treat your headaches with ice and get plenty of rest."

"Let's try that message therapy," said Kenshin. He then clapped his hands. "Hop to it Megumi, I'm not paying you to lollygag around."

"First of all, you're not paying me. Second, you have to do it."

"That's it. I'm putting you and Dr. Genzai on my enemies list."

"It's now time for our review segment of the story," said Ebert. "I take back what I said about Kenji. He's actually got some importance when compared to Ayame and Suzume. If you took them out of the story, it would be exactly the same. They are truly filler characters. Also, Dr. Genzai seems to be presumptuous of his diagnoses of Kaoru's condition. Despite the simplicity of the scenario, it's a nice change of pace to see a character with some intelligence."

"I disagree with your opinion on Ayame and Suzume," said Roeper.

"Do you really?" asked Ebert.

"Yes. They are not useless characters. They appear that way because they are little kids. They would hardly understand what is going on around them. I think they also bring some innocence to the show through their ignorance. But I totally agree with you on Dr. Genzai."

"I know this is the plot of the story," said Ebert, "But Kaoru's nervous breakdown seemed to come out of nowhere. Also, Kenshin acted peculiarly to Kaoru's breakdown. He should have been more compassionate. He makes the situation too light-hearted."

"But that's the way the 'Married… with Kaoru' series works," said Roeper. "He's supposed to be inconsiderate and rude. It also provides a nice balance because the story would be too serious then."

"Despite all these negatives, I do like the flow," said Ebert. "It has a nice logical progression that isn't rigid."

"I do too," said Roeper. "It's realistic and doesn't confuse the reader. You know what is going on at all times. More reviewing after this."

Kenshin, Yahiko, Ayame and Suzume were in the backyard playing hide-and-seek. Yahiko tried to escape when it was he and Kenji's turn to hide.

"Now's my chance," said Yahiko. "I can make a break for it." He then ran by the front to get through the only exit. Kenji spotted him and ran after him. During his pilgrimage, he found the red ball. He picked it up and aimed it at Yahiko.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me!" screamed Kenji as he projected the ball.

It beamed Yahiko in the back of the head and he went down like a sack of debris. Suzume and Ayame came up to him.

Ayame said, "We found you!"

"Ha, ha! We hide now!" said Suzume.

Yahiko just lay there groaning.

At the dojo, Kenshin was pacing back and forth in the living room. The rest of the Kenshin-gumi was still aiding Kaoru. Megumi was writing out the prescription for Kaoru's medication. Dr. Genzai was relieving tension by making her more comfortable. Sano was watching until he got bored and then went by Kenshin, who was still in the living room.

"Kenshin, quit jacking up on the sugar okay," said Sano.

"Surprisingly that's not it. I have this weird feeling in my gut that I believe was caused by this situation. It makes my paunch hurt." Kenshin grabbed his stomach.

"Hmm. Sounds like you got a case of guilt. You feel bad."

"How do you make this feeling go away?" asked Kenshin.

"Be a little nicer to Kaoru. I know you love her deep down, but show it once and awhile. Also try to be more responsible and set a better example for Kenji."

"Sano my dear friend, I'm going in and I may not come back out. If I don't make it, tell Kenji I died at the claw of a ravenous tanuki."

"Yeah, sure. I can…um…do that."

Kenshin took out his reverse blade sword and went back to the bedroom. He stepped into the bedroom with multiple eyes upon him.

"It's just for show, okay!" yelled Kenshin.

Ayame and Suzume continued to play with Yahiko and Kenji. They eventually got hungry.

"Kenji, we're hungry," said Ayame.

"Yeah, want food," said Suzume.

"Okay. Let's go see what's in the kitchen," said Kenji.

They all headed to the kitchen. Kenji found some rice balls that Kaoru made before she went mental.

While Ayame was eating her food, she said, "I'm thirsty!"

"Yeah, me want drink too!" said Suzume.

Kenji then looked around for some water.

"Damn," said Kenji. "We're out of water."

"Let's give them saké then," said Yahiko.

"Are you sure that's okay?" said Kenji.

"Sure. A little won't hurt."

Yahiko got cups and a saké bottle. He then poured some into the cups and gave them to the kids.

"This stuff tastes funny," said Ayame.

"Icky!" said Suzume.

Sano then walked into the room because he wanted to get something to eat.

"Whoa," said Sano. "You shouldn't be giving them saké. You don't have a license," said Sano jokingly.

He then took their cups away.

"By the way," said Sano, "Your mom is going to be fine."

"You mean that Kaoru isn't brain damaged?" asked Yahiko.

"Of course not! Where'd you get that garbage from?" asked Sano.

"I made it up," replied Yahiko.

"Well, don't make stuff up."

He then sat on the floor with them.

"I have an idea," said Sano. "Let's play dice! The minimum bet is one yen."

He then rolled out the dice.

"Well, we're back. What do you think Roger?" asked Roeper.

"The very beginning with the ball thing was amusing," said Ebert. "Kids will be kids. They're going to be goofy. I also like the fact of how Kenshin is now starting to care about Kaoru."

"I agree," said Roeper. "Its good to see Kenshin show some comparison here. My only complaint is that it just came out of nowhere. He's either a real jerk or a real nice person. It would've been nice if there were hints because it's like he has two distinct personalities."

"Another thing that I don't like," said Ebert, "Is how Kenji and Yahiko give Ayame and Suzume saké. That's just morally wrong."

"I thought it was a little inappropriate too," said Roeper. "Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu and Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone are really pushing the envelope here. However, I do like Sano's contradiction. He doesn't approve of giving the kids saké, but he teaches them to gamble. You've got to love that."

"You actually like that?" said Ebert. "That was uncalled for too. Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu and Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone are really mean spirited. They're taking serious issues and are turning them into jokes. Their humor is too wicked for me."

"No it isn't," said Roeper. "You have to loosen up. You're too much of a stick in the mud. I think its safe to say that I'm more eager for the ending than you are. It's going to be interesting how they do it."

Ebert then put his hand on his forehead and said, "I hope it's tolerable. We'll be back after this."

After Sano bled Ayame, Suzume, Kenji, and Yahiko dry during their dice game, he went back to Kaoru's bedroom.

"Hey Dr. Genzai," said Sano has he walked into the room. "Kenji and Yahiko were trying to dope up your grandchildren on hooch."

"What?" asked Dr. Genzai.

"Nothing," said Sano.

"Anyway back to business," said Dr. Genzai. "I want to comment on Megumi's mention of rest. For the next couple of days, just take it easy. Hobbies, fun, stuff you enjoy would be very practical. If you crash and burn now, the consequences could be dire."

Megumi was busily making a batch of medication next to Dr. Genzai. "The list here will explain when to take the medication and how much to take. It seems that you're now stabilized so we should probably get going."

"If you have any difficulties don't hesitate to contact me or Megumi," said Dr. Genzai.

Dr. Genzai, Ayame, Suzume, Sano, and Megumi left the Kamiya household. Kenshin was still in the bedroom. He put his sword back into the sheath so he would not look like an idiot. Kaoru was now sitting up peering at him. As for Yahiko and Kenji, nobody knew where in the hell they were much less give a damn. Kenshin sighed and walked on over by Kaoru.

"Are you over the 'kill Kenshin' phase?" asked Kenshin.

"I just crossed into the 'make Kenshin feel guilty' phase. I kind of got used to you irritating me, but I don't appreciate you almost killing everybody. I hope you see that irresponsibility walks hand in hand with you."

"Kaoru, first of all I didn't almost kill everybody. The fire did that. If you want to get super technical though, I'm your man." He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "You know I felt bad for you today."

"The manslayer finally cared about somebody he hurt?"

"Yes. I had a stomach ache a little while ago. When I consulted Sano, he helped me see what caused it and how to stop it. I thought about it and realized he was correct about the pain. And that's why I'm here to apologize to you."

Kaoru's eyes got really big like saucers. She could hardly breath. "Oh Kenshin, you do care about me."

"I know it, you know it, Kenji, who knows, but please don't make me say it," said Kenshin.

"Come on Kenshin. It'll make me feel better."

"Oh all right. I love you. I admit I went too far this time as well as Kenji. I'll try to improve my behavior and set a better example for my son. By the way, can I do anything else to make you feel better?"

"Well, there is the massage therapy Megumi was talking about."

Kenshin stretched his hands while speaking. "Say no more my…uh…stink weed, I mean fragrant flower."

He started to rub Kaoru's shoulders and Karou closed her eyes. "Wow, Kenshin. All those years wielding a sword sure did something for your arm muscles. This feel's good."

Kenshin got a grin on his face and went to the bedroom door. He closed it and came back to finish Kaoru's massage. Yahiko and Kenji came in after a hard day of whacking each other with bokkens. Kenji accidently poked Yahiko in the eye and Yahiko accidently poked Kenji in the groin. They marched into the kitchen and sat down at the table. They felt a rest would benefit them.

"Yahiko, you want to stay overnight today. We could ambush my dad before he goes to bed."

"Sure Kenji. My parents said they needed a vacation from me anyway," said Yahiko.

"Okay, I'll go ask mom or dad."

Kenji walked past the master bedroom and heard Kenshin talking in it. He went over to the door but did not enter. He yelled through it, "Hey dad. Can Yahiko stay over night?"

Kenshin quickly yelled back, "Yeah, sure, whatever. Just make sure you take Yahiko with you."

"Okay, now for the last segment of our review," said Ebert. "First off, the ending gets a little more serious than the rest of story. However, Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu and Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone somehow manage to weave cheap funny shots into it. I think its good how they keep the humor going throughout the whole thing. Also, any person can easily see that Kenshin has a tough time apologizing to Kaoru. I like that."

"I don't like how they had comical matter in the ending," said Roeper. "The ending should have been one-hundred percent serious. The jokes that Kenshin flings at Kaoru makes the ending feel like there's no closure. They still have bigger issues to deal with. It just doesn't feel like an official ending. In a sense, it is realistic because not all endings are perfect. As for Kenshin apologizing, I couldn't agree more. That was a good move to make because it fits his personality."

"The thing that I did not like the most," said Ebert, "Was the Yahiko and Kenji bokken incident. You cannot tell me that it's not filler. There was absolutely no point to it at all. Not only was it pointless, but also it was just bad to begin with."

"It would have been fine in the beginning," said Roeper, "But the time we get to it, the comedy is redundant. In short, this gag should have been left out. Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu and Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone have to learn how to reinvent themselves. I now want to spend some time discussing character interactions. Kenshin and Kaoru don't know how to interact maturely with one another. It sometimes gives the impression of a phony relationship, but it's the premise of the show. I'm skipping character development because it is self-explanatory."

"I felt they did a good job on that as well," said Ebert. "This is a world with no whimsy or wonder, just cheap wackiness. They have some good ideas, but they get cheesy and overshadowed by the bad stuff. Something always grabs your attention here. It would have been better if that 'something' were always witty. The plot was too foreshadowed, with a standard outcome surrounded by hints of creativity. Sorry Kenshin, you couldn't defeat me. I feel it's my duty to give this a thumbs down."

"I can say that it's an original idea," said Roeper, "But it's not an original good idea. For this show with these personalities, Kaoru was eventually going to have a breakdown. The way they carried it out made sense, but it was nothing innovative. I don't despise it but it's not up to par. It's like the beginning of a train of thought. They are still in the messy stage where they don't know exactly what they want to do yet. Kenshin, you're not showing your true manslayer self: a moderate thumbs down. The script reading room is now closed."

The End


	7. Episode 7

ANNIVERSARY OF FOOLS 

It was approximately six o'clock in the morning. Kenshin quietly got out of bed so as not to wake Kaoru up. He crept out of his bedroom as silent as a mouse. He walked down the hallway and noticed Kenji coming out of his room. Kenshin took his back to the wall right beside Kenji's door. He came out ready to yawn so Kenshin grabbed his mouth before it happened. He then flung him back into his room and shut the door. Now he gracefully waltzed out of the house to embark on his quest. He went over to Sano's house where he knocked on the door. Sano opened the door yawning.

"Sano, my anniversary is tomorrow. Can you help me pick out a gift for Kaoru?"

"Sure. We can take a picture of you with my camera. I bought it dirt cheap at the pawn shop."

"Why would you have a camera?" Kenshin questioned puzzled.

"I like taking photographs of…nature. Now, go to the back of my house and I'll meet you there."

Kenshin did as he was told. Sano came out a few minutes later with his camera equipment. He dropped it all on the ground and started to set it up. Kenshin watched him for a while thinking about what they would do for a photograph.

"Sano, what type of picture are you going to take of me?"

"There is one kind that is very popular. This one is called the erotic photo because you put yourself in a sexy position. It never fails and I'll guarantee that. One look at it by Kaoru and she'll melt."

"You're taking the photograph remember," said Kenshin.

"Okay, moving onto the alternative: the manly photo. In this picture you try to portray yourself as a great warrior, a masculine god, you get the idea."

"Of course! I'm really manly."

"But before that, you have to become acquainted with the camera. The key to taking a good picture is to get a feel for the camera. We'll take some practice shots before we begin," said Sano.

Sano and Kenshin took some bizarre pictures to prepare for the challenge. One picture consisted of Kenshin giving the swear finger to the camera. Another was Sano giving the camera the peace sign. And for some strange reason, they managed to setup a shot of tanukies playing poker. After the three practice shots they got down to business. They went around Tokyo searching for the best background possible. A half-hour went by before they finally agreed on the spot. Right on the edge of the forest was a huge rock. Since the sun was up now, beams of light penetrated through the thick forest. Sano directed Kenshin to stand on top of the rock holding his sword up. During the first shot light reflected off of the sword and blinded Sano. He bumped the camera and it fell over, where it took a picture of the ground. The second shot stunk too: the picture consisted of Kenshin getting attacked by a bird. On the tenth try it was a success.

Sano went home to develop the pictures while Kenshin went home to face Kaoru. He got in the door to find Kaoru washing the breakfast dishes. Kenji was in the living room playing with the cup-and-ball toy. Kenshin walked up to Kaoru trying to suave his way out of trouble. Kaoru turned around while drying a dish. "You missed breakfast."

"You actually made breakfast today. What happened to the 'things' you used to make?" asked Kenshin.

"Flattery will get you nowhere. I asked Kenji if he saw you but all he could say was that you ambushed him," said Kaoru.

"I had to in order to not compromise the mission," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin, gambling is not a mission. Sano is brainwashing you again. Anyway, I want you get all your chores done early today. Tonight we're going to a Kabuki play. So before we go, wash up because you need to look nice for this."

Kaoru grabbed Kenshin and kissed him on the cheek. She then went back to putting all the dishes away. Kenshin walked past the living room again. He stopped at the door to ask Kenji a question. "What am I supposed to do today?"

"Mom said you have to chop some more firewood, dust the bedroom, press the clothes, and give me your sword."

Kenshin went over by Kenji and pulled the sword and sheath from his belt. "Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to that." He put it back in his belt.

Kenji grumbled to himself. "Crap! I was so close."

Kenshin went outside to chop out some firewood with his sword. After Kaoru taught her classes, she went to take a bath. Night rolled around and Kenshin came in exhausted. Kaoru was refreshed and preparing her hair in the bedroom. He went inside and ventured towards the bed. Kaoru pointed her finger out the door to the bathroom. Like a zombie he turned around and went to the bathroom. When Kenshin was cleaned up, Kaoru grabbed him by the arm and escorted him outside the house. Kenji stayed home alone because it was only going to be a couple of hours. Kenshin and Kaoru got to the playhouse, which was called the Dream Theatre. They went inside and took their seats. The name said it all because during the play, Kenshin was falling into a dream state. He said in his mind, "Is there some level to this I don't understand?"

He said aloud, "This sucks. I'm out of here." He proceeded to get up.

Kaoru yanked him back down into his seat.

The play ended and Kaoru stormed out of the playhouse. Outside he ran up behind her. He tried to hold her while they walked home, but Kaoru was still upset. Kenshin got frustrated so he let go of her. At home Kenji was playing with a map on the living room floor.

"If I was the head of the Meiji government, I would turn Antarctica into a giant prison."

Kaoru walked inside the house and went into the master bedroom. Then Kenshin walked into the house. He followed into the master bedroom. Kaoru had already changed and was lying in the bed. Kenshin jumped on his side of the bed and dozed off. Kaoru lied awake staring at the wall for some time.

"You know Kenshin, you were a lot more romantic when we were dating. What happened to your intimacy? You tried to sweep me off my feet and woo me. Now you sweep me out of your love life like I'm dust. What do you think about that?"

"Yes Thomas Jefferson, I'll help you write the Declaration of Independence." He turned towards Kaoru with closed eyes.

"Uh!" Kaoru laid her head down and went to sleep.

The next morning, Kenji walked into the master bedroom. He went over to Kenshin and hit him in the back of the head. He went over to Kaoru and shook her. They woke up to find him standing there with two boxes of gifts.

"Here you go dad." He handed the box over to Kenshin.

Kenshin opened the box with delight. Inside it was a dark blue robe. He took it out and looked at it for a few moments.

"Why does this look familiar to me?" asked Kenshin.

Kenji then gave Kaoru a box. She opened it and pulled out a green hair ribbon.

"Kenji, I have a green hair ribbon already," said Kaoru. "I wore it a few days ago. Hey, this one has a tear at the end like mine does. Where did you get this from?"

"Okay, I confess," said Kenji. "I just took stuff you already had and gave them to you as presents."

"Well, I guess it's the thought that counts," said Kaoru.

"What are you talking about?" said Kenshin. "What a rip! I didn't get married just so I could get stuff I already own as gifts. I want a new gift and I want it now."

"Oh, stop you complaining Kenshin!" said Kaoru. "Besides this day isn't about presents or lavish things. It's about us being married for ten years."

"Yeah," said Kenji. " So, uh, happy anniversary!"

"Kenji," gasped Kenshin, "You said the 'A' word! Go to your room. Now!"

"What?" said Kenji.

"Do it!" screamed Kenshin.

He then walked slowly back to his room while grumbling to himself.

"Kenshin, what was that for?" asked Kaoru.

"The kid said an inappropriate word," said Kenshin. "What am I supposed to do, give him a medal?"

"I'm going to ignore that because today is special," said Kaoru.

She got off the futon and went over to the closet. She dug through until she found the thing she was looking for. She came back with it and plopped on the futon. She could barely contain herself.

"Here, I got this for you," said Kaoru. She then handed him the box with the mysterious object inside.

"You didn't raid some of my nagajugan and put them in this box did you? You know you are the kind of person who would do that."

He opened it to discover that inside lay a bonsai tree. The tree was submerged in a pot filled with dirt. Kenshin took the tree out and held it for a couple of seconds. Kaoru was beginning to sweat because she feared he did not like the present. Then Kenshin put the tree back into the box.

"You know how I always keep telling you I'm not a samurai. Well, I think you went a little bit too far with that idea. I'm not 'Kenshin Himura the Gardener.' By the way can I eat it?" asked Kenshin.

"That is exactly why I got you the tree. You can talk to it and we all know a tree has the same mentality as you. I can't have an intelligent conversation with you," said Kaoru.

Kenshin picked up the plant again and looked at it. "Now bonsai tree, Kaoru is the enemy. I'm the good guy."

Kenshin decided to whip out his present for Kaoru. He pulled it out of his pillowcase and handed it to her.

"You couldn't wrap the gift," said Kaoru.

"To wrap the gift would underlie the true magnificence of the picture by itself," said Kenshin.

"Is the blur falling off the rock you?" asked Kaoru.

"Yep. Out of the ten takes, this was the best one. Oh yeah, Sano was the photographer," said Kenshin.

"Sano was the photographer and you were the model. That is the ultimate team made in hell," said Kaoru.

"Hey, now you can have a piece of me everywhere you go. You will never be lonely again," said Kenshin.

"Are you kidding? I'm lonely even if you're around me in person, so what's a picture going to do?" said Kaoru.

"Listen 'General Blackheart,' give me more credit for the picture."

"You don't deserve any credit. You didn't even try to give me something special. A picture is worth a thousand words and this one is no exception. The only difference is that all these words are describing how incompetent you are." Kaoru threw the picture onto the bed and walked out of the bedroom.

Kenshin picked up the bonsai tree again. "I'm the equivalent of you. Stop mocking me!"

Kenji was in his room for two hours before he finally decided to make a break for it. Since everybody was blinded by anger, they never noticed him defying his punishment. His first stop was Kenshin's bedroom to see if the other gifts were in there. He stumbled upon the picture and found it hilarious. On the back of it was Sano's signature. He walked outside towards Sano's house because he wanted to see his other pictures. Megumi was in the front yard tending to some flowers in a patch. He walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hi Kenji, what can I do for you," said Megumi.

"I was just wondering where Sano is because I want to look at his other pictures."

"You might not want to look at his other pictures. I don't think you would appreciate them yet. However, I know where Sano is. I believe he's in the living room getting a stain off the floor."

Kenji walked into the house and found Sano scrubbing a stain of the floor. Sano took notice of Kenji and stopped scrubbing.

"I came by to congratulate you on your photo of dad. It's really funny. By the way, what's this about me not being able to appreciate your other pictures?"

"Oh nothing, let's just say they deal with symbolism and themes only sophisticated adults would understand. You would find them boring. Oh, you want to see the Kenshin pictures. I'll go get them."

He left the room and went to bedroom. He brought a whole stack of Kenshin pictures that were rejected. Kenji looked through them with enthusiasm. He especially liked the one where Kenshin was scratching an itch on his butt.

"Now let's go find Kenshin and ask him how his gift went over with Kaoru."

Sano and Kenji went back over to the Kamiya household. They looked all over for Kenshin before finding him in the middle of the dojo kneeling. He was trimming his bonsai tree with some gloves on and a shear.

Kenshin whispered, "Damn! I pruned too much off the top. All this toil for a ruined tree."

Sano and Kenji just stared at him. He then put his hand over Kenji's eyes. He said to him, "Move back slowly Kenji and don't make eye contact."

Kenshin heard Sano's comment and went over by them. "Hey guys, I was just doing a manly environmental project. What's new with you?"

"We just stopped by to see if Kaoru liked your gift," said Sano.

Kenshin turned away from them leaving a cold image standing there. "Kaoru hated it and I should have figured that. Women have an impossible standard for men that they must always meet. Unfortunately the only outcome is our death in the process."

Sano put his arm on Kenshin's shoulder. "Kenshin you don't have to die, there is another way. You can still make it up to her today; your anniversary hasn't ended yet."

"Yeah dad you got plenty of time before your anniversary is over," exclaimed Kenji.

"Kenji, you said the 'A' word again. Go to your room and give yourself a lashing. I want a full report when you're done," said Kenshin.

Kenji shifted his eyes and sighed. He walked out of the dojo with his head down.

"Kenshin, pay close attention to this," said Sano. "This is what I do: on my anniversary I try to make it as romantic and intimate as possible. My primary objective is to get Megumi in the sack. In order to do this, I surprise her with flowers. To enhance the affect I place lit candles everywhere to give a sensual atmosphere to the environment. However no parts of the plan work unless you have privacy. Sometimes I lie and say I'm sick, busy, and one time I tried to fake my own death to keep people from intruding. A nice meal follows with exquisite wine. Later on when the romance starts to show, I cuddle with Megumi. We talk about various things, which leads to the primary objective. The clothes start to come off slowly and…"

"And I don't need to hear anymore. I want to keep my mind pure. In your excerpt from 'How to Make Love Sano Style,' I managed to find some useful tidbits of information," said Kenshin.

"Uh, before you go, one last thing," said Sano.

"What?" said Kenshin, as he was getting impatient.

"Megumi is a love machine."

"I bet she sure is," said Kenshin sarcastically.

The rest of the day Kenshin worked and prepared for his anniversary. It had to be something special and no one could find out about it. Having a surprise motif was easy since Kaoru was out running errands and Kenji was in his room pouting. In the evening, Kenshin finally got done with his grand master plan. He went into Kenji's room to see if he was still there. "Good you're still here boy."

"Can I leave now? Even prisoners get exercise," said Kenji.

"You've earned it. You're allowed to go to Yahiko's house tonight."

"I thought I was temporarily banned from his house. I mean the whole thing about Yahiko's father offering us cigars got you guys mad."

"Well, I'm giving you an evening pass and then the ban is back on."

Kenji flew out of the house to Yahiko's before Kenshin realized what he just did. Kenshin went into the living room to meditate. It was going to take all his energy and concentration to pull this off. The scenario of how it should go ran through his head many times. He felt confident about this so he calmed down. It was now or never he said to himself.

Kaoru came home carrying some groceries. She went into the kitchen to put all of them away. After the last grocery was taken care of, she noticed a scroll on the table. It was all rolled up and tied with a ribbon. Kaoru picked it up, untied it, and read it. It went something like this:

Dear Kaoru,

Can you guess who's writing? Maybe it's the grim reaper, a bum, or the ghost of a blacksmith. Actually it's me Kenshin. I just wanted to say since the picture thing got you pissed off, I have decided to try again. This time Sano wasn't part of it so maybe I have a chance. Anyway if you wish to be whisked off to a world of romance, go to the shed. To make it clear go to the shed in the Kamiya courtyard. Trespassing onto somebody else's property could get you killed. Please come because I wasted my whole day doing this.

P.S.: Anybody else reading this besides Kaoru should ignore it. I really mean it because you'll ruin my plan. And if you do I'll write you a complaint letter to end all complaint letters.

Cordially yours,

Kenshin Himura

Kenshin Himura

Kaoru put down the letter shaking her head. She thought to herself Kenshin was trying too hard. This was going to be so complicated that he would not understand it. The sad thing was that he was the one who planned it out. She decided to give him a chance though and proceeded with the scroll's instructions. Kaoru made her way to the Kamiya shed. Questions kept running through her mind. "What can I expect from him because he never did this before. Come on, he's a novice. Oh well, maybe a cheap laugh will be involved."

She went over to the shed. She walked in and closed the door behind her. She then spotted Kenshin sitting in complete darkness at some sort of table.

"Welcome to the love shack," said Kenshin.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" asked Kaoru. "Why don't you have any candles?"

"Hey, cut me some slack here!" said Kenshin. "I tried my best, so just deal with it, okay? Besides, since its dark, it makes it even more exciting. We won't know what's going to happen."

"Yeah we do. Nothing." said Kaoru.

Kaoru carefully made her way over to the table and sat down. During her walk, she tripped and almost fell about a half-dozen times.

Since she couldn't see, she felt around on the table for the food. She eventually found it and picked some up. She brought it up to her nose to smell it.

"Hey, this smells like ohagi," said Kaoru.

"Correct!" said Kenshin. "I annoyed Megumi to the point where she just made me a batch to shut me up."

Kenshin and Kaoru ate the ohagi like pigs. Afterwards, he took a bottle of wine off the table. It was a table wine called Blanc de noir. It was a white wine with a sweet taste. Kenshin tried to pull the cork out of the bottle, but it just wasn't coming out. After five minutes of fighting with it, it shot out like a bullet and hit Kaoru in the head. She fell off her pillow.

"We sustained a causality!" exclaimed Kenshin.

Kaoru, stunned, picked herself off the floor and sat back on the pillow.

"Kenshin, you just set the new record for how fast you can destroy a romantic situation."

"See, I told you that we wouldn't know what was going to happen," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin, why don't you stick to the bonsai tree? I'm out of here." She then got up and went to the door. She tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

"The door's locked," said Kaoru. "We're trapped inside."

Kenshin and Kaoru banged on the door and yelled for help. A few minuets later, Kenji and Yahiko came walking by the shed.

"Shouldn't we let your parents out?" asked Yahiko.

"No," said Kenji. "If we leave them in there, my evening pass upgrades to an all night pass."

Kenji and Yahiko then ran back to Yahiko's house.

Kenshin and Kaoru stopped banging on the door because it wasn't doing anything. They just decided to sit tight and make the best of a bad situation.

"Kenshin, everything went wrong for the past two days," said Kaoru. "You embarrassed me at the play, you gave me a crappy gift, you almost killed me with a cork, and you didn't put candles out so we have to sit in complete darkness."

"Don't blame me," said Kenshin. "I'm trying to adjust back to civilian life after the revolution."

"That was ten years ago!" hollered Kaoru.

"Well, these things take time," said Kenshin. " Do you want the transition done fast or done right?"

"Oh, shut up," said Kaoru as she crossed her arms and looked away.

"I'm not going sit here and take this. I'm going to get us out of here." He then went up to the door and pulled his sword out.

He lifted it up and was about to swing.

"What are you doing!" shrieked Kaoru. "I don't want my door hacked up."

"Oh, geese!" said Kenshin. "What a baby!"

He put his sword away and ran into the door with his shoulder. He ricocheted off the door and landed on the floor. He grabbed his arm and groaned in pain. Kaoru came over to him to comfort him.

"Kenshin, do you realize what you just did?" said Kaoru. "This is the first time you did something nice for me on our anniversary that wasn't half-assed."

"But it wasn't romantic or intimate," said Kenshin.

"Hey, it's a start," said Kaoru.

"Since we're on good terms, give me some sugar baby."

"Take me now." She grabbed Kenshin and started to kiss him.

"No! I mean the bagged sugar. I'm hungry again."

"Oh Kenshin," said Kaoru jokingly.

The End


	8. Episode 8

LADY OF THE LAKE

Yahiko was at the candy store in the marketplace. It was mid-afternoon so crowdedness was not a worry. In the rustic little shop behind the counter, a shelf possessed a chocolate bar. This was not just any chocolate bar though; it was the Chocolate Suicide bar. Basically all the ingredients were sugar, fat, and salt. He stared at it with the uttermost delight. The price slip next to it said 15 yen.

"Now my life has meaning," thought Yahiko. "I must have that candy bar but I don't have that kind of money. I'll do what every ten-year-old kid would do: steal something and hold it for ransom. But where can I find something to take?"

At the Sagara household Megumi got done with the office. Today was as exception because she usually had more patients. However, this did not mean that she was not exhausted. She drudged into the house and went straight for the bed. Sano was trying to unclog the outhouse because Megumi made seaweed gumbo last night. (That stuff will stick to your ribs but it will shoot out like a cannonball.) She lay down for a minute to catch her breath. After a while, she got up and stretched for a moment. She then went to the outhouse to talk to Sano.

"Sano, I'm beat from my work today," said Megumi. "I think I'm going to go down to the lake for a swim. I could use some relaxation."

"Okay sweet treat," said Sano. "I'll stay here to clean the outhouse."

The outhouse was filled to the brim with you know what. Sano's only option was the plunger to pummel all the stuff back into the hole. He shouted, "Feel my wrath!" as he charged at it.

Megumi went over to the lake for some quite time. When she got there, it was empty so she had no problem preparing for her dip in the lake. She undressed herself and waded into it till it was just at about neck level. Her clothes were placed at the foot of the lake where she could see them.

Yahiko came bounding through the woods. He was pondering what he could ransack and hold for ransom. As he got closer to the lake, he spotted Megumi and her clothes. He then had an idea.

"Gross!" said Yahiko to himself. "Megumi's naked! No, not that! I can take her clothes and hold them for ransom. It's foolproof. Without her clothes, she can't leave the lake. That way she has to pay me for them. Yahiko, you are one smart son of a bitch."

He then pulled out a piece of paper and began writing on it. He then waited for his opportunity. When Megumi was floating with her eyes closed at the other end of the lake, he went down and picked up her clothes. He dropped the note on the spot where her clothes once lay. He then dashed back into the woods without Megumi seeing anything.

Megumi then swam up to the edge, so she could get out, change into her clothes, and go back home. She was shocked at what she saw.

"What happened to my clothes?" Megumi said out loud. "I know for sure I put them here. Someone must have stolen them."

Sano came walking through with Kenshin.

"Where did you say that Captain Black Beard's buried treasure was again?" said Kenshin.

"It's over here by the lake," replied Sano. They then went up to the edge of the lake where Megumi was.

Kenshin and Sano saw Megumi in the water hysterical.

"So, Megumi's Captain Black Beard's treasure?" said Kenshin. "Sweet!"

"Shut up Kenshin," said Megumi.

"Hey, what's up Hotzilla?" said Sano.

"Somebody stole my clothes," said Megumi. "I came in for a swim and when I cam back to the edge of the lake, my clothes were gone."

She then noticed a piece of paper by Sano's feet.

"Sano, there's piece of paper by your feet," said Megumi. "Pick it up. It might have something to do with my clothes."

Sano picked it up and read it.

"According to this," said Sano, "Some person stole your clothes and is holding them for ransom. He apparently wants money so he can by a Chocolate Suicide candy bar. He wants us to leave the money by the main entrance to the Kamiya dojo by sundown. He also is hiding at a disclosed location."

"I've had one of those before," said Kenshin. "They're really good. This person also deserves some credit. I would have never thought of stealing somebody's clothes and holding them for ransom. This person's really smart."

Sano checked his pockets. "Whoops, I'm fresh out of cash for Yahiko," said Sano.

"Me too. I blew all my money on fool's gold I got at the marketplace. On the upside, I have a deck of cards with me."

"Somebody kill me now," whined Megumi.

Kenshin and Sano sat on the ground and started to play cards. The name of the game today was blackjack. Since they had no money on them, they played for Kenji. If Sano won, Kenji had to be his personal servant for a day.

Back at his hideout, an abandoned mine, Yahiko was waiting patiently with Megumi's clothes. Every now and then he would venture out past the Kamiya dojo to see if the money was there. All this walking made him tired though so he decided to rest in the hideout for a while. He used Megumi's clothes as a pillow and took a nap.

At the Kamiya dojo Kaoru and Kenji were completely oblivious to the situation. Kaoru was helping Kenji rearrange his bedroom. To their dismay, Kenshin was on his way back home. He lost the game and owed Sano 1 Kenji. Kenshin thought is was a shame because there was still so much he did not teach Kenji to hate. He got home to find Kenji and Kaoru still in his bedroom. "Kenji I have bad news for you. I lost a game of blackjack and now you're property of Sano for a day."

"Is there any chance of this situation getting any worse Kenshin?" asked Kaoru annoyed.

"Maybe. Somebody stole Megumi's clothes while she was in the lake. She's trapped in it in the nude."

Kenji's eyes bugged out. "Whoa! That's creepy."

"Kenji!" said Kaoru. "Mind your manners. Let's get over there now to help."

Kenshin, Kenji, and Kaoru raced back to the lake as fast as they could. Megumi was starting to shiver in the lake. Sano and Kenshin started to play cards again. This time it was Poker all the way baby. Kaoru went over by Megumi to try and comfort her.

"Hey Sano," said Kenshin. "Do you think Megumi will ever come out? A peek would be nice."

"Eventually. I'll tell you what, a peek will cost you 5 yen," said Sano.

"Okay. I'm sure Kaoru has some money left over. But I'll tell you this: no show, no dough."

Megumi and Kaoru were absolutely silent during that conversation. Megumi got bright red on her face and screamed at them. "You guys are sick!"

"Don't worry about them Megumi," said Kaoru. "They're just trying to impress each other. Men are pathetic creatures. If they go 5 minutes without talking about women, they're made fun of."

During all of this Kenji was wandering around the edge of the water. He was trying to catch a fish with his bare hands. Once he realized he was too slow, he decided to explore elsewhere. "Mom, Dad, can I explore the wilderness?"

"All right but don't hurt yourself Kenji," said Kenshin. "You have to be in prime condition when you're Sano's servant."

Kenji wandered off into the woods. He ran up and down all the trails that people had made over time. One of the trails was a straight one that seemed to go on forever. He followed the yellowish dusty path all the way to the end. It led out of the forest into a clearing. The clearing was interrupted by an abandoned mineshaft built into a hill. Despite the warning sign Kenji crawled into it. Yahiko was sitting in it with Megumi's clothes.

"Kenji!" yelled Yahiko. "What in the hell are you doing here?"

"Hey Yahiko. Wait a second; those are Megumi's clothes. So you're the culprit! I'll be a hero when I rat you out to the guys at the lake."

Yahiko grabbed Kenji's arm. "I won't allow that nark. You're staying here."

"You're taking me hostage?" asked Kenji.

"Not in those exact words but yes," said Yahiko mischievously.

At the lake everybody was arguing with everybody else.

"Come on Megumi, get out of the water before you freeze to death," said Sano.

"No! I'm not getting out while you men ogle me."

"We can blame the feminists for this problem," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin, you're only taking his side because he's your friend. You should learn to take the side that's right. How would you feel if you're naked surrounded my men?"

"You got me there. But if there were women around, I'd be naked all the time!" said Kenshin ecstatically.

"I have an idea," said Sano. "How about if me and Kenshin left so you would have privacy?"

"What would that accomplish," said Megumi. "I have no clothes so I'd have to walk around nude! The whole world would see me then."

"Kenshin, Sano, let's go take a walk so Megumi can straighten herself out," said Kaoru.

They barely escaped Megumi's frustration by the skin of there teeth.

As they walked through the woods Kaoru was arguing with Kenshin.

"You paid more attention to Megumi today than you have to me for the ten years we were married," said Kaoru.

"Geese," said Kenshin. "This woman is in a crisis right now. You should think of her needs like Sano and I. You should stop being insensitive and stop thinking about just yourself."

"Excuse me?" said Kaoru. "You're the one being insensitive and selfish. I tried to comfort her while you two sat and played cards. Should I also remind you that you were also the one who wanted Megumi to give you a peep show?"

"Kaoru," said Kenshin, "The card playing thing and the peep show thing were accidents. I didn't mean for them to happen."

"How are they accidents?" said Kaoru.

"I can't believe you don't understand. What do I have to do? Draw you a diagram?"

"Whoa!" said Sano. "Stop your bickering Al and Peg Bundy."

Kaoru then took her hands away from Kenshin's neck.

"Look," said Sano as he pointed his finger to an object a couple yards away. "That looks like an abandoned mine."

Yahiko ventured out of the mine carrying Megumi's clothes. He picked some berries and then went back into the stronghold.

"So," said Kaoru. "Yahiko is the culprit. What should we do?"

"You two stay here," said Sano. "I have an idea." He then raced off and headed to town.

"Hey, don't leave me here with Kaoru the ripper!" yelled Kenshin to Sano as he got out of sight.

Inside the mine, Yahiko was having his supper of champions. Yahiko sat back down and started to eat the berries.

"Aren't you going to give me some?" asked Kenji.

"I wasn't planning on it," said Yahiko.

"You do know if you let your hostage die, you will be a murderer. Then anything can be used to take you down," said Kenji.

"Murder isn't really my style. Here, you can have the rest of the berries," said Yahiko.

Kenji took the rest of the berries from him and devoured them like a wolf. Afterwards Kenji was explaining to Yahiko that he needs demands when the negotiator arrives. His version was that in exchange for a hostage, he would get the thing he wants.

Kenshin and Kaoru were waiting for Sano under a tree. Kaoru was trying to snuggle up against Kenshin but he wasn't paying attention. All he could think about was how Megumi was doing. "I wonder what's going on with Megumi."

"Well I wonder what's going on with you?" asked Kaoru. "My guess is my foot being up your ass!"

"I'll be quite dear," squealed Kenshin.

Sano was on his way to Katsu's house to pick up some firepower. On his way back he went by the lake to see how Megumi was doing. She was now calmed down but now tired. She said to Sano, "Hurry. I don't think I can handle anymore."

"You can count on me my fair maiden. I'm Sano Sagara: Soldier of Fortune."

Sano left for the mineshaft. Megumi got paranoid and started to look around for any more witnesses. She said in her mind, "If a stranger finds out about this, the information could spread through Tokyo. I would have to change my identity and move to the Ozarks."

Kaoru and Kenshin saw Sano running towards them. They got up to greet him and then they went about stopping the injustice. They walked up to the entrance of the mine. Inside Yahiko and Kenji were not aware of who was outside. Sano told them, "This is Sano speaking. I'm with Kaoru and Kenshin and we're here to get Megumi's clothes back."

"Now's my chance to make my demands," thought Yahiko. He said out loud, "First I want my demands met. In exchange for the clothes, I want the money for the candy bar. In exchange for Kenji, I want a seaport built in my honor."

"Sorry Yahiko, wrong answer," said Sano. "It's time to flush you out."

He pulled out a bag and took a bomb out of it. He lit the fuse on it. "Fire in the hole!" he whaled.

"Give me that," said Kaoru. She took the bomb away from him and blew out the fuse.

"I have an idea!" said Kenshin. "Yahiko's only ten. What kind of fight can he put up against us? Let's storm his castle."

Kenshin, Sano, and Kaoru crawled into the mineshaft and incapacitated Yahiko. They dragged him out with Kenji following behind with the clothes. Kenshin was holding Yahiko, who was putting up a struggle.

"I should have made an escape route," said Yahiko. "You guys only won because I didn't take any precautions."

All of them walked back to the lake where Megumi was turning a bit bluish. Kenji placed the clothes on the edge of the lake. All of them sat there waiting for Megumi's reaction. She started to swim up to her clothes but then stopped because her friends were still standing there. They just stared at each other.

"Well" said Sano. "Aren't you going to put on your clothes?"

"But you're still here," said Megumi.

"We don't mind."

"Well, I do."

Kenshin, Sano, Kaoru, Kenji, and Yahiko went into the woods so that she could have some privacy. When she was done dressing, she yelled for them to come back. Kenshin came out still holding Yahiko and threw him at Megumi's feet. He got up on his hand and knees and started to beg for forgiveness. "Please Megumi. If you have any sense of humanity left, you won't punish me. You can only repent if you help people."

"I know you're not sorry Yahiko," said Megumi. She turned towards Kaoru. "Go buy that Chocolate Suicide candy bar."

Kaoru went into the market and purchased it. She came back with it and shook it at Yahiko.

"Good. Place the candy bar on the ground about 100 yards away from us. Sano, neutralize it," said Megumi.

Kaoru gave the bomb back to Sano. He lit the fuse for a second time and threw it at the candy bar. The bomb hit the ground and rolled right up to it. An explosion occurred and the candy bar erupted into a thousand pieces. Chocolate rained down everywhere.

Yahiko just stared at ground zero. All he could mutter was, "All that chocolaty goodness, gone forever." He put his hands over his face and started crying.

Sano held Megumi as they walked home. Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji escorted Yahiko home. When they got to the steps of Yahiko's house, he had to get the last words in. With fire in his eyes he screamed, "I know where you live!"

Barely paying attention Kenshin said, "Good for you."

The three of them went back to the Kamiya dojo for some well-deserved rest.

At the Sagara household, Megumi was wrapped up in a blanket. Her nose was stuffed up and she was sneezing. She was laying on their futon. Sano was sitting next to her. Megumi turned towards him and said, "Get me some more tissue please. My nose is running."

"Sure," said Sano. He fetched some more tissues for her.

"Thanks Sano. Now I'm cold," said Megumi.

"I can warm you up my little fire cake," said Sano in a manly voice. He started to cuddle with her.

"You big clod! I'm sick so you'll have to sleep somewhere else tonight," said Megumi.

Sano went into the closet to get a spare futon, pillow, and blanket. With his masculinity damaged, he trotted into the living room. Not knowing to him was Yahiko in the shadows of the kitchen. Once Sano was fast asleep Yahiko loomed out of it. He went through the living room past sleeping Sano. His destination was the master bedroom. The doorknob gradually turned to reveal a devious Yahiko. At his side was a bag of fertilizer.

The End


	9. Episode 9

THE KENSHIN HIMURA ANNOYANCE

Sano and Kenshin were on their way to the Hadouken again. They never were that partial to drinks but it beat spending quality time with their wives. While they were walking, they found some money on the ground. It was lying on the side of the road. Sano took first notice of it. "Look Kenshin! Free money." He pointed downwards at it.

"Sano, maybe somebody lost it. I don't know if we should take it."

"Or maybe the person purposely got rid of the money. They had so much of it they didn't need it all. That way people who were less fortunate like us could get it," said Sano.

"Sano, you can see some good in everybody," said Kenshin.

Sano picked up the money and stuffed it into his pocket. They continued to walk.

"So Kenshin," said Sano. "How did you get out of your 'special night' tonight?"

"Quite simple my dear Sano," said Kenshin. "Our original special night was last week. However it got canceled because we had to look for Kenji. He got lost in the woods trying to find skeletal remains of revolution soldiers. When Kaoru tried to pull the love session again, I told her it was non-transferable."

At ten o'clock in the evening they arrived at the bar. Inside was Scruffy. He spat into a glass and wiped it out with a rag. This time the bar was a little bit different because there was an empty space in the corner. Kenshin and Sano pulled up a seat right at the bar just like the last time. Scruffy, now chewing beef jerky, welcomed them in.

"Howdy ya'll. Let me guess, tonight was 'spend quality time with your wife night'?"

"Yep," said Kenshin. "I think I'll have a generic saké today."

"Me too barkeep."

While Scruffy was fixing their drinks, Sano and Kenshin finally noticed the empty corner.

"What's with the corner Scruffy?" asked Kenshin.

"Oh that. Business has been down lately. I can't imagine why." He burped and slammed down his dagger onto the table killing a cockroach. "Anyway, I thought if we set up a band stage we could get the customers back. In business it's called a gimmick."

"Have any bands yet?" asked Sano.

"Not yet. My assumption is that Tokyo ain't got no talent."

Sano and Kenshin started to talk amongst themselves.

"Kenshin, we should form a band."

"It would be a good way to meet chicks."

"We're in it for the music man," said Sano.

"What about our band name?" asked Kenshin.

"Hmm. How about 'Murder by Marriage'?" asked Sano.

"I like it," said Scruffy.

"No," said Kenshin.

"What about 'Veteran Squad'?" asked Sano.

"I like it," said Scruffy.

"No," said Kenshin. "Give me a try. Perfect: 'Death-Convention 3' or 'Death-Con 3' for short."

"I hate it," said Scruffy.

"I don't understand it," said Sano.

"It's settled then. That will be our name. We'll need a third person for the band so our name makes sense. As for a manager, the band can manage itself. We'll also need a pyrotechnics person, a merchandise person, an advertising person, bodyguards, and roadies."

"You forgot about groupies Kenshin," said Sano. "Should Kaoru and Megumi be our groupies?"

"Hell no," said Kenshin.

The clock hit eleven in the evening, so Kenshin and Sano figured it would be best to hit the hay now. Still relatively sober they walked home with a new sense of pride. Kenshin thought that his legacy might be salvageable after all. Sano was obsessed with trying to write their first single about Captain Sagara.

The next day during breakfast Kenshin was eating his food without complaining. Kaoru couldn't believe her eyes. Kenji was sitting next to Kenshin almost falling asleep in his food. Kaoru leaned over to Kenshin and said, "Why aren't you taking cheap shots at my food today?"

"Nothing can ruin my good mood today. Sano and I have a nice little project going on. We're going to be in a band."

"A band of thieves?" asked Kenji.

"That would be pretty cool but no. This is going to be a musical band."

"Kenshin, let me save you from getting into some psycho scam that won't work. You have no musical talent, you're not in the best shape, and you have no funds to support this."

"That's where cheap labor from family and friends come in," said Kenshin. "Kenji, you and Yahiko can be our bodyguards/roadies. Kaoru, all you have to do is believe and all your dreams will come true."

"I've tried that before. Trust me it doesn't work." Kaoru got up to wash the dishes.

After breakfast Kenshin went over to Sano's house. Their mission was to recruit band members and staff members. Their first stop was Dr. Genzai. He was in the living room playing with Ayame and Suzume. He heard Sano and Kenshin walk in, so he yelled to them where he was. They came into the living room and all of them sat down. Sano explained the whole theory behind the band to him.

"What do you think of our proposition?" asked Sano.

He scratched his chin. "I've been looking for a new hobby." He turned to Ayame and Suzume. "Would you guys be proud of me if I joined a band?"

"I guess," said Ayame.

"What's a band?" said Suzume.

"By all that is good and right, I'll join forces with you." He shook hands with Sano and Kenshin.

Next on their list was Katsu. Nothing could stop them now. It was coming together like a puzzle. Kenshin walked up to the door and knocked on it. Katsu opened the door and invited the two inside. He took them to his closet where he unraveled his prized possessions. "Told you I'd show you my secret stash," said Katsu.

"That's exactly why we need you," said Sano. "How would you like to be the pyrotechnics personnel for our band? You could be our merchandise/advertising person too because you're an artist."

"Do I get to blow a lot of things up?" asked Katsu.

"Let's put it this way," said Kenshin. "Because we're not exactly grade 'A' material, we'll need a lot of visual compensation to make this band work."

"This job would mean free advertising for my bombs and artistry. As pyrotechnical engineer and merchandising/advertising agent, I'll promise to injure at least one audience member per show."

Later that night, the gang got together at their hideout. Actually it was the shed in the Kamiya courtyard. Their Kenshin and Sano were hammering out the details with the rest of the band.

"Now me, Sano, and Dr. Genzai are going to need instruments. I thought I could play the Biwa; Sano could play the 17-string Koto; and Dr. Genzai could play the drums. These instruments can be conveniently purchased at the local pawnshop."

"What about us?" asked Yahiko.

"Here's your training, said Kenshin. "Whenever people try to storm the stage, attack them. All you have to do is keep the audience at bay."

"When should I start putting out our band's flyers?" asked Katsu.

"Wait until we have practiced a bit. This way if we're good, we won't have to back out of our performances and disappoint the people," said Sano.

"Let's get some rest guys. We're going to have a long day tomorrow working on our act," said Kenshin.

Everybody was supposed to show up at Kenshin's house at eight in the morning. Kaoru did not like the idea of them using their property, but Kenshin's defense was the dojo. It would give them privacy and made their antics more secret. Kaoru let them on one condition: they had to evacuate the dojo when she taught her classes at 10:00 A.M. and 2:00 P.M. Also, Yahiko was not exempt from him class. The first task on the agenda was to acquire the instruments. After they got back, Kenshin, Sano, and Dr. Genzai were fumbling with the instruments. Katsu was generating ideas for the flyers, merchandise, etc. Yahiko and Kenji thought they might benefit from weapon training. They took some bokkens from the dojo and went at it.

"Who should be the singer of our band?" asked Dr. Genzai.

"I should," said Sano. "I wrote the lyrics to our first single. That entitles me to sing."

Sano started to sing his song about Captain Sagara. It was not just the subject matter that disturbed everybody; it was Sano's singing. His voice cracked so bad it was like rifles from the revolution were being fired. The intensity was twice as bad because one of the doors was accidentally left open. In the Kamiya house, Kaoru was sipping on a cup of tea. The glass cracked and exploded spraying tea all over her. She quickly rushed into her bedroom to change. At the Sagara household, Megumi looked through the window at him. She thought, "I'm the only one who can stop this."

She ran into her closet to get a chloroform type substance. She came running out of her house towards the dojo. She snuck up behind him and slapped the douse rag on his face. He dazed out of consciousness and fell over onto the ground.

"You killed Sano!" said Yahiko.

"We're not worthy of being bodyguards!" yelled Kenji.

"Relax, I didn't kill him. He's just knocked out for awhile," said Megumi.

"This gives us a good opportunity everybody," said Kenshin. "Since Sano is incapacitated, his vote doesn't count anymore. All those in favor of relieving Sano as active vocalist, banishing vocals forever, and banishing Captain Sagara songs forever, say ay."

Everybody yelled, "Ay!"

"It's unanimous. We are now officially an instrumental band," said Kenshin.

Megumi walked up to Kenshin and patted him on the shoulder. "Kenshin, this is one of the few times I will say this. You made the right decision."

When it came time for the first class, everybody was bent on leaving Sano's body in the dojo. Kaoru didn't approve so Katsu volunteered to drag it outside. Outside Kenji took a nap (Yahiko was in class so what else could he do). Kenshin and Dr. Genzai were discussing what their new first single should be. Katsu was trying to convince Megumi to give him some of that chloroform type substance.

"By the way," said Kenshin. "Where are your grandchildren, Dr. Genzai?"

"I dropped them off at Megumi's before I came here."

"That reminds me, I better get back to them," said Megumi. She waved goodbye and took off.

Sano woke up and wanted to know what happened.

"Megumi knocked you out with chloroform," said Katsu.

"Oh, it looks like I'll have to teach her a lesson later," said Sano rubbing his hands together.

"What are you going to do?" asked Kenji.

"You don't want to know," said Kenshin.

They all went back into the dojo to practice some more.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "We want to practice so much that our music will be like second nature (1) to us."

They played their crappy music until noon. At noon everyone went inside and sat around a table because it was time for lunch. Megumi brought Ayame and Suzume with her. Kaoru made some disgusting ohagi. She somehow managed to get the sweet paste around the rice balls to taste incredibly bitter. Everybody just kept their mouths shut and ate it. After lunch, Katsu, Kenshin, Dr. Genzai and Sano went to the Hadouken to get a timeslot for their band.

"So, you want a time?" said Scruffy.

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "What do you have?"

Scruffy pulled out his schedule book and looked at it. "I have an opening next Sunday at midnight."

"But all your other timeslots are open," said Kenshin looking at his entertainment schedule.

"Hey, take it or leave it."

"All right Scruffy, but you've made an enemy today."

"Well holy smoke (2)," said Scruffy sarcastically. "Now get out before I tear ya a new 'A.'"

The four of them left the bar with a newfound sense of frustration. They wondered who would be at the bar at such an awkward time. Dr. Genzai tried to explain to them that anybody who would listen to them would be a victory for the band. The counterattack was that they wanted more people to listen to them. That would be a bigger victory. They went back to the studio where they did their magic. At home it was practice time again. This time though Kenshin wanted a full mock performance.

"Katsu, we require your assistance," said Kenshin. "We need you to blow crap up, got it?"

"Your wish is my command," said Katsu.

The band decided to play outside for this set. It would not be funny if the dojo caught on fire. During the set, Katsu lit two bombs and threw them out in front of the band. Unfortunately one of the bombs rolled too far. The bomb rolled towards the outhouse, which was left open by Kenshin earlier. Once inside the outhouse exploded. Debris flew everywhere and the destruction could be seen for blocks. Since Kenshin used it earlier, debris of a different kind also shot out. Kaoru came walking outside in her changed clothes. "I was so lucky to get the teas stains out of my other Kimono."

She was at a bad place at a bad time. The stuff splattered against her kimono. Some of it even got in her hair. "What the hell? Why is their mud flying around? Hold on, mud doesn't smell this bad. This is…Kenshin!"

"Uh oh!" yelled Kenshin. "Kaoru was at ground zero! By the way, why am I always linked to the disasters around here?"

Kaoru came up to him. "Kaoru, I'm not responsible (3) for this. Katsu did it," said Kenshin.

"But you're the mastermind…actually moronic leader behind this. Behold my mighty power peon."

Kaoru walked over to Katsu who was frozen in fear (4) right now. Kaoru belted him in the gut and said, "You should know better than to listen to Kenshin."

Katsu fell over onto his back groaning. "I can only imagine the pain if you're hit when you're married."

Sano picked Katsu off the ground. He then turned towards Kenshin. "This was our band's first real tragedy. Savor the moment, it doesn't get much better than this."

"Great!" said Kaoru to everybody. "I now have to get this stuff out of my kimono and my hair." She then went back inside swearing to herself the whole way there.

"Wow that was interesting," said Kenshin. "Okay, break time's over. Let's practice some more."

They practiced for the rest of the day without any more problems. When it got to be suppertime, everyone went back into Kaoru's house to eat. This time she made her own version of beef-hot-pot. This time she accidentally cooked the food too long. The vegetables shriveled up and burned, while the meat got tough as leather. While Kaoru was in the kitchen finishing the food, Megumi talked to Sano.

"How did your band practice go today?" asked Megumi.

"Well, you could say that crap happened," said Sano.

Everyone laughed except for the Ayame and Suzume because they didn't know what was going on. After dinner, they all stayed around and played dice for money. Kaoru didn't approve of it because it was gambling, but like always no one cared what she thought.

When it reached ten o' clock, everyone left for their own place to get some well-deserved rest.

Kenshin was sitting on his futon with a big smile on his face because he finally found a purpose in life. It was to create music or to cause trouble. He couldn't figure out which one it was.

Kaoru came into the room and got on the futon.

"Wow!" said Kenshin as he waved his hand in front of his nose. "You smell. If this is a new fragrance, you got screwed big time."

"You idiot," said Kaoru as she slapped him in the back of the head. "I smell because of you."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "I told you it was Katsu's fault. He's the one who blew up the outhouse."

"Yeah," said Kaoru, "But you're the one who ordered the saturation bombing."

"Is it my fault that the man can't do his job correctly?"

"Just shut up. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I'm tired and I want to get some sleep."

She lay down, turned away from him, and closed her eyes.

"Works for me," said Kenshin as he lay down and closed his eyes as well.

The rest of the week went crazy as ever. Death-Con 3 continued to use Kaoru's dojo as their rehearsal headquarters. They also continued to annoy Kaoru, Megumi, Ayame, and Suzume beyond belief. Some other things happened as well. On Monday, Kaoru's cooking gave Katsu diarrhea. On Tuesday, Dr. Genzai got lost in the marketplace and somehow ended up becoming the don of a local mob group. On Wednesday, Kenshin lost his sakabatou to a museum and he had to get it back. On Thursday, Ayame and Suzume discovered the theory of relativity. On Friday, Megumi tried to market her own line of soft drinks called "Docola," but it bombed. On Saturday, Kaoru made a citizen's arrest on someone who said she looked like a man.

Kenshin awoke at 6:00 (5) in the morning on Sunday. He looked over at Kaoru who was drooling on her pillow. He got dressed and got all the band members together for one last rehearsal in the dojo.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Our show is tonight at midnight. This is our last rehearsal; so let's make it count. First, I want to talk about what is going to happen tonight. Dr. Genzai, you stand in the far back where no one can see you."

"Why?" asked Dr. Genzai.

"Because," said Kenshin, "You are an old senile old man who will drive away the chicks. Katsu, you will throw the bombs out halfway through the set. Yahiko and Kenji, you guys will stand in front of us and keep the public back unless they want to party with us."

"Man, we've created some kind of monster (6)," whispered Sano to Katsu.

"What did you say?" said Kenshin.

"I said," said Sano, "That we've created some kind of monster, and its true. You're on a never-ending powertrip (7), and we're tired of it. Why do you have to boss us around? I thought that we were all in control of this band."

"The reason why I'm controlling you all is because I know what's best for the band. Now don't question my authority again or you'll meet the unforgiving blade (8)."

They practiced all day until it was time to leave. They left a half-hour before midnight so they had time to get there and set up. Yahiko and Kenji carried the instruments because it was their job.

When they entered the Hadouken, surprisingly, there were some people in it. Death Con 3 went to the corner and watched as Kenji and Yahiko set up the instruments. After they were done, Kenji and Yahiko felt that they deserved a nice cold brew.

"Hey bartender," said Kenji. "Me and my friend here need some saké."

"How old are you?" asked Scruffy.

"If you add both our ages together, were just shy of twenty-one," said Kenji.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," said Scruffy. "Oh hell, I need the money."

He started to fix their drinks just as Kenshin came over. "Cool! Free drinks for our band." He took the readymade drinks and went back to the band with them.

"But…. those were ours," said Kenji to Yahiko.

"I only had enough money for those two. We were so close yet so far away," said Yahiko.

It was almost midnight so everyone got into their positions. Yahkio and Kenji stood in front of them and tired to form a human wall. Katsu stood one the sidelines ready with his bombs. Dr. Genzai went in the very back where you could hardly see him. Dr. Genzai then started to get nervous. He said, "I don't know if I can do this."

"Well," said Kenshin, "We're into deep (9) now so the show must go on."

"Now it's do or die (10)," said Sano.

The clock struck midnight, and the band approached their destiny. They began to play their awful music. After a few songs, Kenshin noticed that the crowd wasn't buying it.

"Katsu," said Kenshin, "We're losing them. Throw the bombs!"

Katsu lit some bombs and threw them out by the band. Unfortunately one of them went to far and hit the wall. They exploded, which created an illumination (11) that blinded everybody and created holes in the floor and wall. After the disorientation an audience member stood up and yelled, "This sucks! It's payback (12) time!"

The audience got up and ran towards the stage. Kenji and Yahiko, realizing what was going on, tried to stop them but they broke through.

"Look Kenshin," said Sano. "They're coming to party with us."

Somebody then slugged Kenshin in the gut.

"It's random acts of senseless violence (13)," said Sano. "To the river (14)! It's our only hope."

Katsu, Kenshin, Sano, Dr. Genzai, Yahiko, and Kenji ran through the hole in the wall. While they were running, Dr. Genzai's back went out. He then fell to the ground like a rock.

"I've fallen and I can't get up!" screamed Dr. Genzai. The mob of people then engulfed him.

"Kenshin," said Katsu, "We have to go back for Dr. Genzai."

"No. There's nothing more we can do for him," said Kenshin.

They continued to run to the river. They crossed the river and ran into the woods. The mob then lost track of them. They gave up and went back to the bar.

Kenshin, Sano, Katsu, Yahiko, and Kenji emerged from the woods a half-hour later. It would have been sooner, but they got lost. They traced their steps back to Dr. Genzai, who was still lying on the ground. Sano and Katsu picked him up and they went back home. When they got back to Kenshin's place, Kaoru, Megumi, Ayame and Suzume were still up.

"What happened to grandpa?" asked Ayame.

"He looks hurt," said Suzume.

"If he had better arch support," said Kenshin, "The audience wouldn't have caught him."

Dr. Genzai, battered and bruised, but still in tact, went home with his grandchildren. Kaoru went back to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

"Hey Sano," said Megumi. "I'm going home. Don't stay up to late."

"Okay," said Sano.

She then left.

Kenshin, Katsu, Sano, Yahiko and Kenji sat around for twenty minuets and talked about their concert experience.

When Katsu and Sano were about to leave, Kenshin said to them, "Well, it's off to the raven (15). She'll probably peck my eyes out for this blunder."

Katsu and Sano wished him good luck and they left.

Kenshin went to the bedroom. Kaoru was already on the futon trying to sleep. Kenshin then got on it with hesitance. He was afraid Kaoru was going to yell at him about the band thing. Kaoru then turned around to face him.

"Now as I think about it," said Kaoru, "You're kind of sexy now that you're a rock star."

"I am?" said Kenshin shocked.

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "Let's make a whole lotta love (16)."

Kenshin was happy because his band just had its first gig. He was also happy that people came to it. At this point, he didn't care.

"You've just earned a back stage pass to what goes on behind the scenes," said Kenshin in a masculine voice.

At the Sagara household, the excitement of the band really got to Sano and Megumi. She was lying on the futon under the covers. As for her clothes, you figure it out. Sano came into the bedroom pumped up with adrenaline.

"Hey Sano, why don't you show me how a rock star has fun?" asked Megumi.

"It's not much different than how I normally do it. The only difference is that you may become famous after hanging out with me."

Sano jumped onto the futon and the rest as they say is history.

The next day Sano got out of bed. He had some cramps and said in his mind, "Don't get laid if you can't take the pain."

He went to fetch the rest of the band members. Contrary to Kaoru's view, the band continued to use her dojo. Katsu, Dr. Genzai, Sano, Yahiko, and Kenji all sat in a line. Kenshin paced back and forth. "The night is over (17) men. There was panic and injuries, but we can't let some minor setbacks get the best of us."

"That wasn't a minor setback!" shouted Dr. Genzai. "I got the tar beaten out of me!"

"It's a minor setback. You're still alive so it counts," said Kenshin. He turned his attention to the group again. "Men, we'll have the last laugh (18) though. Everybody has a bad concert. It was just coincidental that ours was the first one. I think our band can really be a success, but playing in fronts of drunks is not going to cut it. We have to think bigger here. That's why I'm proud to present Sword-stock. This is a major tour I thought of. We'll play outside in front of a huge group of people. Love, music, and peace will fill the air. I can't believe nobody has done this before."

"Way to go dad!" shouted Kenji.

"Find your own voice (19)," said Sano. "You don't always have to agree with your dad. Now Kenshin, are you sure this will work?"

"I'm positive. And while we're outside, why not treat everybody to more firepower."

"I'm on board," said Katsu.

"Get started on our flyers Katsu. The rest of you can help hand them out to people, post them in windows, etc. This is going to be the biggest music event in history."

Kaoru was standing at the door the whole time. She came in and went by Kenshin. "It's my opinion that this masquerade (20) of yours is getting out of hand. However, I'm more attracted to you then ever. What's going on?"

"You're just experiencing the best of both worlds," said Kenshin.

After practice Katsu spent the rest of the day working on the flyers. He worked on them at his apartment because he needed complete concentration. Due to the bad lighting effects, Katsu misspelled the band's name wrong without realizing it. Instead of writing 'Death-Con 3' he wrote 'Earth-Con 3.' Then he went to sleep.

Sano awoke in the morning curious about today's activities. He washed up and went over to Kenshin's house. Kenshin was still sleeping in his bed. Kaoru was holding him. A knock on the door woke Kenshin up. He tried to get out of bed but he couldn't get Kaoru's arms off of him. Sano got inpatient so he just went into his house. He was yelling, "Kenshin! Are you home?"

"Yeah. I'm in the bedroom. Don't enter though because friends don't let friends see each other with their wives."

Kaoru rolled over on her other side, so Kenshin quickly escaped. He walked into the hallway where Sano was standing. "What's new Sano?"

"Not much. I just stopped over to see what was happening today," said Sano.

"Hmm. Today would be a good day to scout out a place for our concert. Let's go get the others and check out the locations," said Kenshin.

"Since we're here, let's get Kenji," said Sano.

Kenshin and Sano went over to Kenji's bedroom. They couldn't find him. All of a sudden screaming was coming from the closet. Sano opened the closet and Kenji fell out. He hit the ground and said, "Oh, my liver."

"Like father like son," said Sano.

"What were you doing in there?" asked Kenshin.

"I got locked in it somehow," said Kenji.

Kenshin, Sano, and Kenji went to gather the rest of the gang. They walked all over Tokyo. One stop was Dr. Genzai's office.

"Give me one good reason why we would play here," said Sano.

"It's free advertising for my practice," said Dr. Genzai.

"We're not sellouts," said Sano. "We may be compulsive gamblers, lazy, even dumb, but we're not Russian Czars. Wait, what were we talking about again?"

Their journey took them to an open field in a wooden area (this was the area where Kenshin fought Jinei Udohin episode 7).

"This place is perfect," said Katsu. "The center opening and surrounding forest gives it a nice appearance. It's like a natural arena. The light from the bombs exploding would shine through the trees and brush creating a hypnotizing mood. Now all we have to do is setup a time and day for our performance."

"Here that guys," said Kenshin. "That's the sound of no Scruffy. In my schedule book, I have an opening for next Friday night at 10:00. Gentlemen, there was the dawn of man. Next is the dawn of our band."

"This time I better not be sacrificed to the audience," said Dr. Genzai.

"Relax man," said Katsu. "You were martyred (21) for a good cause. Well, I'm off to the print shop. I'll meet back at the dojo with the flyers."

Katsu raced over to the print shop where he made the copies. When he was done, he went back to the dojo. Nobody noticed the spelling error on the flyers because everybody assumed Katsu knew what he was doing.

Katsu, Sano, Dr. Genzai, and Kenshin went to the bar district to disperse the flyers. Yahiko and Kenji hit the general marketplace. They went into stores and placed flyers in the windows. Suppertime came around and the gang headed over to Sano's house this time. Today's feast was an array of sushi prepared by Megumi. The flavors included plain, tuna, sea urchin, and squid. The beverage of choice was green tea, although Sano tried to spike it with some saké.

"This is going to be a great show," said Yahiko. "Although I hope only one person at a time tries to storm the stage. Me and Kenji can't handle all those people at once."

"So Kenshin, are we invited this time?" asked Kaoru.

"You bet your bokken you are. If you play your cards right, you can come back stage after the show. We're going to try and have a party after we're done."

"Wow!" said Suzume.

"Are we rich now?" asked Ayame.

"Not by a long shot," said Kenshin. "But who knows, maybe one day we can move out of this one-horse town."

"This is a get-rich-quick scheme Kenshin?" asked Kaoru.

"No. This is a get-rich scheme. It could take a while before we get rich," said Kenshin.

"You've changed man," said Sano. "It used to be about the music."

"It's still about the music Sano. Having money and chicks to back it up just sweetens the pot, that's all," said Kenshin.

After dinner Dr. Genzai and his two grandchildren went back home. Kaoru, Kenshin, and Kenji left a few minutes later. Yahiko wanted to stay to play with Megumi's doctoral supplies, so Sano had to throw him out. Katsu was the last to leave. Him and Sano spent another hour talking about what Captain Sagara would do if he were still alive today. Since Kenshin decided to give everybody the night off, they all took the opportunity to catch up on their sleep.

In the morning, the band gathered again to discuss the details of their next gig.

"I have an idea," said Kenshin, "We're a band right? Well, lets make some outrageous demands that need to be met. These will be for our party after the concert."

"I always wanted some lava from a volcano," said Dr. Genzai.

"I want a bag of pure sugar soaking is molasses," said Yahiko.

"Put me down for a statue carved out of water," said Kenji.

"I want chopsticks made out of shark hide," said Sano.

"Give me a wax futon," said Katsu.

"And me, I want an eatable replica of my sword. Preferably rice," said Kenshin.

The group went into Kenshin's house, where Megumi, Kaoru, and the grandchildren were. They eagerly told them what they wanted for their show.

"All the things you're asking for are either ridiculous, or can't be done in this dimension," said Megumi.

"Is their anything else from 'planet fantasy' you guys want to share with us?" asked Kaoru.

"As a matter a fact there is," said Kenshin.

Kaoru put her hand over her forehead and said, "Good Lord."

"Sano and I were debating this for a while. We want Megumi to make us some opium. We feel it will help us when writing music."

"Did your brain fall out when you went to take a number two? Come on, opium's bad for you," said Megumi. "Besides, it will inhibit the creative process instead of enhancing it."

"Fine, don't be our dealer. We'll compromise then," said Sano sneeringly.

"Okay. You take back all your demands and we'll spare you your lives," said Kaoru.

"Pleasure doing business with you," said Kenshin quickly.

In the afternoon the band went back to the dojo to discuss some more details.

"Due to the 'Dr. Genzai incident, I think we'll need more protection this time around," said Kenshin.

Megumi came into the dojo with some green tea.

"I overheard your conversation. I know somebody who provides protection services. However, I'm telling you this so you stay away from him. This guy's a little dangerous when it comes to his line of work. The man's name is Aoshi Shinomori."

"Can you tell us where he lives, so we know where not to wander?" asked Kenshin.

"Sure. He lives in a mansion on the outskirts of Tokyo. Have fun with your band thing." Megumi left to the Kamiya household.

"Excellent," said Kenshin suavely. "We need somebody of that caliber. Katsu, Dr. Genzai, go ask him if he'll take the job."

Dr. Genzai and Katsu went over by Aoshi's house. It had a lavish gate in the front. The actual house went up more than one story. It was red brick with lots of windows. They went up to the gate and to their luck it was unlocked. On the wooden door was one of those manual doorbells. Dr. Genzai rang it a couple of times before Aoshi answered it.

"What can I do for you gentlemen?" asked Aoshi.

"We need your security," said Dr. Genzai. "We're in a band and need some good protection."

"I'll be glad to help you out," said Aoshi.

"Here's the lowdown Aoshi," said Dr. Genzai. "Nest Friday at 10:00 P.M., our band Death-Con 3 will be performing in the woods at this open field. You can't miss it." Katsu then handed Aoshi a flyer.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything. I live with four members of the Oniwabanshu. We're all skilled fighters and won't let you down," said Aoshi.

"Good day," said Katsu and Dr. Genzai.

They headed back home to tell the rest of the group the good news. The band celebrated with a victory song. It was so loud and irritating that Kaoru came running into the dojo. She swiped the instruments from the band and took them into the house. The band figured it was time to disband for the evening.

The rest of the week went by as usual. Night turned into day, day turned into night, etc. The band rehearsed, took breaks, ate, slept, and met a woman who thought she was a gypsy armed with curses. Time sure flew by because before they knew it, it was Friday. It was around nine o'clock and the band was on their way to their stage. When the band arrived at the spot, a crowd was forming. Something was different though. These people were really free-spirited. The band shook off the sight and set up their equipment. Yahiko and Kenji went by a tree to have some mindless discussion before the show. Katsu was on the side in the brush checking his arsenal. Aoshi, Beshimi, Shikijou, Hyottoko, and Hannya arrived at 9:30 P.M. Kaoru took notice of them and wanted to know why there were here.

"Why is the Oniwabanshu here?" asked Kaoru.

"We hired them for security," said Kenshin. "We felt that we needed more people than Kenji and Yahiko."

"You did what?!" yelled Kaoru in shock. "They're dangerous. Somebody is going to get hurt or killed."

"Kaoru," said Kenshin, "When you cram a large amount of people like this into a small area, casualties are inevitable. There's nothing we can do."

Aoshi and his gang of thugs came up to Kenshin.

"Where do you want us?" said Aoshi.

"You guys will be in front of the stage along with Kenji and Yahiko," said Kenshin. "Your mission is to keep people from storming the stage, even if that means sacrificing your lives. Also, you can only use non-lethal forces. Which means, no kodachi Aoshi; no chain ball Shikijou; no fire breathing Hyottoko; no poison darts Beshimi, and no steal claws Hannya."

"What kind of crap is this?" said Shikijou. "How are we supposed to fight people then?"

"Easy," said Kenshin. "They're hippies. If you raise your fists they'll run away like babies."

"Well, this will be no fun then," said Shikijou. "We were all hoping for a challenge."

Hannya thought that it would be a good idea to meet his fellow security officers for this event so he disappeared. He reappeared behind Kenji and Yahiko, who were discussing more crazy demands that they could make.

"Greetings," said Hannya.

Yahiko and Kenji jumped in the air scared to death and fell on the ground.

"Don't sneak up on us like that!" said Yahiko as he pulled himself off the ground.

"Sorry," said Hannya. "My name is Hannya and I will be working alongside you at this event."

"We're honored to have you abroad," said Kenji. "Do you have a particular fighting style?"

"Yes," said Hannya. "I combine Kenpo with my steal claws."

"Cool," said Yahiko. "You're lucky. All I get is this stupid shinai."

"Yeah, that is pretty lame," exclaimed Hannya. "I also have a question for you. Is this band any good?"

"No," said Kenji. "They suck."

"Damn it!" said Hannya. "I can never win."

Hyottoko got board so he went to talk to Katsu.

"Hey," said Hyottoko. "I'm Hyottoko. I will be part of the security forces this evening. What's your name?"

"I'm Katsuhiro Tsukioka," said Katsu, "But you can just call me Katsu."

"Well, Katsu," said Hyottoko, "What's your purpose here?"

"I'm the pyrotechnics guy," said Katsu. "I'm going to throw bombs out during the show. The bag I carried them in broke, so right now I'm trying to find a new spot for them."

"I have an idea." Hyottoko then reached in his mouth and grabbed a rope. He then pulled a bag out from his stomach.

"You can use this," said Hyottoko as he gave it to Katsu. "I'm not aloud to breath fire tonight, so I have no use for it."

"Gee, thanks," said Katsu as he tried not to show how disgusting he thought this was.

"I also have a question. Is this band any good?"

"Are you kidding? They're awful."

"First, I cannot use lethal tactics. Now I have to suffer through bad music. Lady Luck is a hooker and I'm fresh out of cash."

Beshimi was scoping out the surrounding area until he saw Kaoru. He thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He then went up to her with a plan.

"Hey baby," said Beshimi. "You're hot. Would you like to be the mother of my firstborn child?"

"You pervert!" said Kaoru. "I'm married to Kenshin."

"Well, uh, could you use two men?" said Beshimi.

"Get out of here before I beat the crap out of you," said Kaoru.

"Gees don't have a stroke. Uh, one more thing. Is this band any good?"

"Of course not. They play the worst music you've ever heard."

"Oh, that's nice. Now I get to listen to crappy music tonight. I hate my life." He then scampered off somewhere.

At ten, Kenshin took the stage with Sano, and Dr. Genzai. Aoshi then went around to find Hannya, Hyottoko, Shikijou, Beshimi, Yahiko and Kenji. They all got in front of the stage ready to take on whatever the crowd could throw at them.

"Are you ready men?" yelled Aoshi.

"Yes!" yelled everyone.

"Listen, anybody who tires to get on stage will be severely punished," yelled Shikijou to the crowd as he flexed his muscles and started foaming at the mouth.

"Calm down," said Yahiko. "We're just guarding a local band somewhere in the woods."

In the background the crowd was chanting, "Earth-Con 3!"

Kenshin, Sano, and Dr. Genzai looked at each other. Kenshin turned back to the crowd again. "We're not Earth-Con 3, we're Death-Con 3."

The crowd started to talk amongst themselves.

"Sorry for the misunderstanding," said Kenshin. He turned towards Katsu who was looking at his flyers.

"Whoops!" said Katsu.

Kenshin turned towards the crowd. "We can still rock. All right guys, 1, 2, 3."

Kaoru, Megumi, Ayame, and Suzume were just to the side of the band. Kaoru and Megumi were shaking their heads.

"This is embarrassing," said Kaoru.

"Their music or their incompetence?" asked Megumi.

"Don't make me choose," said Kaoru.

The crowd started to get a little anguished, but the band kept playing. After a couple of sets some people threw in the towel. The people still there took notice of Kaoru and Megumi and shouted to them, "Go topless! Don't conform to clothing man!"

"Shut up you damn hippies!" yelled Megumi.

Katsu threw his bombs out to bring back the show, but it just scared the crowd and blew some trees out of the ground. Some people even started running away. One guy accidentally ran by Shikijou's chain ball and tripped over it.

"That guy touched my chain ball," said Shikijou. "Let's get him!" The whole Oniwabanshu ran over to the guy and began attacking him.

"Should we go help them?" said Yahiko.

"No," said Kenji. "We'll get in trouble."

Now the crowd started to boo the band.

By the time eleven o'clock rolled around it was over. Kenshin, Sano, and Dr. Genzai stopped playing. Kaoru, Megumi, Ayame, and Suzume walked towards them.

"Kenshin, you can't have a band with out any fans," said Kaoru.

Kenshin pointed towards a group of people in the back. "What about them?"

"They're all dazed and paranoid (22) so they don't count," said Megumi.

"Why didn't the audience try to kill the band like the last time?" asked Kenji.

"That's because their peaceniks. They believe in non-violent resistance," said Yahiko.

Aoshi and his cult came over to them.

"Kenshin, we now require payment for our services," said Aoshi as he extended his hand.

"You heard the man," said Kenshin. "Give them what they want Kaoru."

"Cheapskate," said Kaoru. She then pulled out her wallet, took out some money, and gave it to him.

"Thank you," said Aoshi. "I hope that you do business with us again soon." They then left for the their big mansion.

"Will we ever do a reunion tour," asked Sano.

"I don't know," said Kenshin. "Maybe. But for right now, all I can say is that this world (23) just wasn't ready for Death-Con 3.

"No you won't!" said Kaoru and Megumi simultaneously.

The End

1. Artist: Rush

Song: Second Nature

Album: Hold Your Fire

2. Artist: Iron Maiden

Song: Holy Smoke

Album: No Prayer for the Dying

3. Artist: Deep Purple

Song: Not Responsible

Album: Perfect Strangers

4. Artist: Jag Panzer

Song: Frozen in Fear

Album: Mechanized Warfare

5. Artist: Dream Theater

Song: 6:00

Album: Awake

6. Artist: Metallica

Song: Some Kind of Monster

Album: St. Anger

7. Artist: Monger Magnet

Song: Powertrip

Album: Powertrip

8. Artist: HammerFall

Song: The Unforgiving Blade

Album: Crimson Thunder

9. Artist: Green Carnation

Song: Into Deep

Album: A Blessing in Disguise

10. Artist: Testament

Song: Do or Die

Album: The Legacy

11. Artist: Paradise Lost

Song: Illumination

Album: Believe in Nothing

12. Artist: Slayer

Song: Payback

Album: God Hates Us All

13. Artist: Anthrax

Song: Random Acts of Senseless Violence

Album: Stomp 442

14. Artist: Sentenced

Song: The River

Album: Crimson

15. Artist: Grave Digger

Song: Raven

Album: The Grave Digger

16. Artist: Led Zeppelin

Song: Whole Lotta Love

Album: Led Zeppelin II

17. Artist: Amorphis

Song: The Night is Over

Album: Am Universum

18. Artist: Iced Earth

Song: The Last Laugh

Album: The Dark Saga

19. Artist: Stratovarius

Song: Find your Own Voice

Album: Elements Pt. 1

20. Artist: Symphony X

Song: Masquerade

Album: Symphony X

21. Artist: Steel Prophet

Song: Martyred

Album: Unseen

22. Artist: Black Sabbath

Song: Paranoid

Album: Paranoid

23. Artist: Labyrinth

Song: This World

Album: Labyrinth


	10. Episode 10

KILL AOSHI:

VOLUME 1

Introduction

This is a special edition of Married… with Kaoru. This story is split up into two parts. This is the first part and the second part is episode 11. This was a hard story to write because my co-forger, Thejyreq Vazgothicus Ldeikone, and I, Zürthüryx Hemtolig Qosdarlu, never wrote an action/adventure story before. This story was inspired by Kill Bill Volume 1 and Kill Bill Volume 2. This is very different from the rest of the Married…With Kaoru series. This is a series story, which contains language and violence. If you do not like language or violence, I highly recommend that you do not read this. I hope you enjoy this story!

Rating: R/possibly NC-17 for language and gory violence

Genre: Action/Adventure

It was evening. The Himura household had just finished dinner. After spending some quality time together, which consisted of Kenshin teaching Kenji how to roll the bones and Kaoru yelling at them, it was time for bed. Kenshin and Kaoru were lying on their futon in the dark.

"Oh, my stomach," said Kenshin. "I think your extra spicy miso soup finally caught up with me."

"I know that feeling. My stomach feels a little queasy too. Maybe I shouldn't have put in so many South American chili peppers," said Kaoru.

"Yeah. And what in the hell was the nutmeg for?" asked Kenshin.

Kenji running to the outhouse interrupted their conversation. He was yelling, "Clear the deck! My stomach's going to blow!"

"Better get some sleep," said Kaoru. "I'm sure this will wear off by tomorrow morning."

Kenshin and Kaoru lay down to sleep. Unknowingly to Kaoru, the worst nightmare was about to come…

**Chapter 1: Two Worlds are the Same Tomorrow**

By candlelight, Kenshin was going over a contract he had with Aoshi Shinomori. He was part of the Oniwabanshu, a ruthless syndicate of assassins. Kenshin looked up to see if anybody else was in the living room with him. Once the coast was clear, he stared back down at the table. One certain rule kept going through his head, "Any under circumstance a member of the Oniwabanshu cannot marry a woman not approved by the leader. The standards include a woman who is a capable of fighting and killing, so the husband doesn't loose their edge."

He said out loud, "There must be a loophole here."

Kaoru was now standing in the doorway to the living room. Her faint silhouette was glowing against the wall due to the candle. She spoke, "Come to bed honey. We can have our pre-wedding celebration."

Kenshin looked up at her. "Let's wait until Kenji's asleep."

"I made him chop wood till he puked. He's out by now," said Kaoru.

"Let me invite the guests my cherry blossom," said Kenshin.

"No. This is a private party," said Kaoru.

Kenshin got up off the floor and followed Kaoru to the bedroom.

The next day brought about the usual activities. Kenshin was well on his way to work. At the headquarters of his syndicate, were Beshimi, Shikijou, Hyottoko, and Hannya. He passed them giving them the proper respect. His stop was Aoshi's office. Inside the leader was sitting at his desk drinking a cup of tea. Kenshin went in, closed the door, and sat down.

"Good morning Kenshin," said Aoshi.

"Same here," said Kenshin.

"I have your next assignment planned out for you. Your target is a man by the name of Scruffy. He is a bartender at the Hadouken bar in Tokyo. His stats are as followed: short, bald, 225 pounds, has a mustache, and is missing some teeth. He was a former don of a local mob group. Once he retired, the government caught him. However the government made a pack with him. In exchange for his freedom, he was to spy on other active gangs. You can imagine we are on his list. The last thing we need is a nark squealing on us. Dead men tell no secrets, catch my drift?"

"I'm not much for philosophies but killing is a different story. This should be easy because he resides in our town," said Kenshin.

"Don't underestimate him. He can be the tough customer when he wants to," said Aoshi.

"Well, he just paid a visit to the Oniwabanshu incorporated. And his product of choice today is a sword…of death," said Kenshin.

"You're dismissed," said Aoshi.

Kenshin left the office on his mission. He walked slower then usual because of his predicament. He was engaged to an unacceptable woman. Her fighting style was the Kamiya Kasshin style, one that promoted protection. It was not a killing technique. Up the road was the bar. He took notice of it and never took his eyes off it as he finished walking towards it. Sure enough, Scruffy was inside.

"Hey pal. What can I do for you?" asked Scruffy.

"You could die for me. But I have something better," said Kenshin.

"Who are you?" asked Scruffy.

"I'm as assassin from the Oniwabanshu. I'm supposed to kill you for ratting out on us. I have a different proposition for you though. I'll spare you your life if you write a letter back to my boss saying you killed me. Then I'll disappear forever."

"Why are you doing this?" asked Scruffy.

"Love. That's one thing I can't kill," said Kenshin.

"Deal," said Scruffy.

Kenshin watched Scruffy write the letter and mail it. Then he exited the bar and vanished into thin air.

A couple days later, Aoshi got the note. It stated that Kenshin was killed by Scruffy and his body disposed by him. Aoshi put his hands over his face and started to cry. He said, "I better go inform his inferior girlfriend about this."

At the end of the workday he did just that.

"Miss Kaoru. I hate to inform you this but your husband was killed."

Kaoru started to cry and scream, "No!"

Aoshi took a deep breath. "The person that did this was Scruffy. We can't do anything because he killed your husband fair and square. Those are the rules. Listen to me though, none of his deeds were in vain."

He helped her back into her house. He led her to the living room where he comforted her for a few minutes. After she calmed down he took leave. At the side of the table was a stack of flyers that talked about a wedding. The groom and bride were Kaoru Kamiya and Kenshin Himura. He said to himself, "Poor broad, she was going to get married to him." He walked outside.

"Wait a second," Aoshi said to himself. "He couldn't marry that woman. I deemed her unacceptable through the contract. He was going to disobey me and all of a sudden he died. That's a little too convenient."

Back at the Himura household, Kenshin came out of the bedroom. He found Kaoru sitting in the living room laughing.

"He bought it?" asked Kenshin.

"Yep," said Kaoru.

"What a jackass. Now do we have everything set for tomorrow?" asked Kenshin.

"The guests are coming, the cake's ordered, the music is scheduled, etc," said Kaoru.

"Nobody can choose my bride but me," said Kenshin as he pointed to himself.

Kaoru went over by Kenshin and kissed him on the cheek.

On the day of the wedding, Kenshin and Kaoru arrived at the church along with the other wedding guests at 9:00 A.M. They included Megumi, Sano, Tae, Tomoe, Yahiko, Katsu, Kenji and Dr. Genzai. Since, there was an hour before the wedding everyone just sat around and talked.

"So Kenshin, how do you feel?" said Sano to Kenshin.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up," said Kenshin. "I don't know if I can do this."

"It's only natural to feel nervous," said Sano. "You are about to make the most important decision of your life. Now, of course you can do this. You are about to marry a great woman. She can't cook worth a damn, but that's not important."

"You're right," said Kenshin. "I can go through with this. I love Kaoru and I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

Outside, Aoshi and the rest of the Oniwabanshu came up to the church.

"Now, we'll see if Kenshin is really dead," said Aoshi. "Beshimi go up to the window and see who's in there."

"Yes boss," said Beshimi. He then ran up to the window and took a look inside.

He then came back with a disgusted look on his face.

"He's in there alright," said Beshimi.

"Damn you Himura," said Aoshi as he clenched his fist. "Okay, I want all their fuckin' heads on a platter. Do you understand me? I want no survivors."

They all made their way up to the front of the church. Before they entered, they each drew their weapons. Aoshi stepped inside first. Kenshin took a look at him in shock.

"Oh shit!" said Kenshin.

Aoshi went up to Katsu and shoved his kodachi threw his right eye. The sword went threw his skull and went out the back of his head. Aoshi then pulled the sword out of his head. Katsu's body just fell to the ground with a mighty thump. His eye, as well as some brain matter, was skewered on the weapon. Aoshi just took his hand and wiped his sword clean.

" Katsu!" screamed Sano. "You bastard!" "I'll kill you!"

He charged at Aoshi as fast as he could. Right when he was about to smash Aoshi's face with his fist, Aoshi quickly step to the side to evade his attack. He then took a swipe at Sano's neck with his kodachi. The attack immediately severed his head. His head went flying and hit the wall. Sano's body flew on to the ground and gallons of blood oozed out from his esophagus.

Hannya jumped in because he had a taste for blood. The victim he chose was Tae. He pulled his steel claws and lunged at her. He grabbed her and thrusted his claw into her neck. He pulled his blade out and threw her corpse onto the ground. Blood squirted out of neck like a fountain. It continued to fly a couple feet into the air only to progressively reach lower heights and eventually stop. Yahiko, being the brave fool that he was, made a dash at Hyottoko. He then whacked Hannya with his shinai, but it broke upon impact. Hyottoko picked Yahiko up by hic collar with one hand and then took his other hand and shoved it into his back. Yahiko's eyes rolled into the back of his head within seconds. Hyottoko made a couple of tugs and ripped out Yahiko's spine. He then dropped his body to the ground.

Megumi tried to throw a chair out the window to escape, but Hyottoko was to fast. He took the chair away from her and began to choke her with Yahiko's spine. She gagged and gagged while trying to free herself up Hyottoko's death hold. Blood started to drip out of her mouth and run down her chin. After a minute or two, she ceased all movement. Hyottoko withdrew the spine from around her neck, and she collapsed onto the floor.

Kenshin tried to intervene, but Aoshi got a hold of him and threw him against the wall. He took his kodachi and stabbed it in Kenshin's left shoulder. He then took Kenshin's sakabatou out of its sheath and stabbed it in his right shoulder. They both went though his shoulders and into the wall. This way Kenshin could not move in any way.

Shikijou wanted dibs on Dr. Genzai and Tomoe. He grabbed Dr. Genzai and shoved his other hand into his chest. He took a hold of his heart and tore it out. Tomoe tried to make a run towards the window, but Shikijou got her. He smashed her head into the wall as hard as he could and dropped her like a rag doll. She lay on the ground with a hole in the side of her head. Some of her brains were leaking out. Also, a bloodstain was on the wall with a few drops running down towards the ground.

Hannya spotted Kenji underneath one of the pews. He was trying to hide from them. Hannya went over by him and picked him up. He stabbed him in the stomach area with his claws and then threw him out the window.

"Kenji!" screamed Kaoru as she started to cry.

Aoshi got with the other fellow Oniwabenshu members.

"I say we kill Kenshin first," suggested Aoshi. "That way Kaoru gets to see him die."

Everyone agreed that was the best way to go.

They went over by Kenshin, who was still pinned to the wall. Aoshi removed the swords from his body. He fell to the ground and then to his knees. His shoulders were bleeding immensely.

"You can kill me if you want to, but please do not hurt Kaoru," said Kenshin with the little strength he had.

Kaoru then threw herself in front of Kenshin to shield him.

"Please do not kill him," pleaded Kaoru with tears streaming down her face. "I know that we tricked you into he thinking that he died. But please, don't to it. Be the angel of mercy and just let him go."

"Sorry," said Aoshi, "But I'm the angel of death. Now get out of the way skank." He then back fisted her out of the way. She went tumbling to the ground.

"For disgracing me with your lie," said Aoshi, "I have but only one choice. And that is to kill you. I do not tolerate disobedience."

He took his kodachi and shoved it into Kenshin's forehead. He then removed it with one clean pull. Kenshin turned limp and fell onto his side. Kaoru ran over to him with her nose bleeding from Aoshi's attack. She picked up her dead fiancé and pulled him close to her chest. She cradled him in her arms as she wept fiercely.

Aoshi and his group made their way to the front door. When they got to it, Aoshi made a nod to Beshimi. He then pulled out a poison dart and launched it at Kaoru. It struck her in the arm. She turned faint and then collapsed onto Kenshin. The Oniwabenshu then left through the door with no regret for what they have done.

Little did they know that the dart thrown by Beshimi only skinned Kaoru's arm. Because of this, only some of the poison made its way into her body. It was just enough to knock her unconscious and nothing more.

**Chapter 2: Be Strong, Ride Forth in Pride**

She continued to lay motionless, but then her body began to spasm. Her eyes fluttered then stayed open. She sat up to the pain around her. The poison still weakened her and to prevent further complications, she set out for an antidote. Megumi was a doctor and had a medicine closet in her house, so Kaoru crawled over there. She took the medicine and rested for a while. After she felt more stable she made the journey back to the church.

Now at the steps to the front entrance, she took it all in. The bodies were still there much to her denying of reality. The blood was still fresh and continued to drip and ooze along. Kaoru walked over to Kenshin's lifeless body. She was still in shock so tears were not an action yet.

She thought to herself, "This is my fiancé's fault. If he didn't join that stupid gang we wouldn't be in this mess. What am I going to do? The sword policemen are too corrupt so that's not an option."

Lying next to Kenshin was his sword and sheath. In a strange twist of fate it was completely clean. Not a drop of blood soured its pure appearance. However underneath that façade, it was ridden with the stains of targets that came in contact with it.

Kaoru looked at it thinking of Kenshin. Then she reached out to it and pulled out the sword. It glistened due to the light from the windows. All her life she was poised to a more peaceful life. Then the tears started to flow. She had come to terms with the situation and realized she wanted to do something about it. It wasn't pretty but it had to be done. With the sword and sheath in her hand she stood up. It was like Kenshin was reincarnated into Kaoru because she was now a killer. That was part of the reason why she cried; she had to abandon her old peaceful life. The other reason was because of the massacre.

She put the sword and sheath into her obi. Out loud she spoke, "I want to avenge your deaths but it also must be done. More victims will fall to this sword. It'll be filthy beyond everything. I am judge, jury, and executioner. Aoshi and his gang are convicted of homicide and their punishment is death. Therefore I will kill Aoshi!"

The journey out of the church was in slow motion. That instant seemed to go on for infinity. That was past now and this is present, and you can only live in the present. Her destination was the Kamiya dojo. In it were books on the Hiten Mitsurugi written by her late fiancé. She isolated herself in the dojo for the next few months. During that time she read the books, remembered the times of Kenshin practicing his techniques, and practiced herself.

With a sense of accomplishment, she emerged from the dojo. In order to go after Aoshi she needed some transportation. At first she hoofed around. One day while passing a farm she saw an older farmer on the side of the road. Next to him was a horse.

"Hey missy, would ya care to take a horse off my hands?"

"How much?" asked Kaoru.

"Nothin'."

"Why are you giving him away?"

"Too many horses. There's no room for him at my farm no more."

"I need a way of getting about. Sure."

He handed the reigns over to her. Kaoru petted the horse and got to know him better. She asked, "Does he have a name?"

"Nope."

Kaoru looked at the horse. "Then I'll call you Widowmaker, in honor of my fiancé."

"That's an odd name. Oh well, it doesn't matter as long as he gets a good home."

Kaoru took the horse back to the dojo. The next couple of weeks consisted of Kaoru training with the horse. She learned to ride it like a master. Now the pre-quest was done. She was trained in a deadly sword technique and had transportation. It was now or never.

On an eve of rain Kaoru was standing on the threshold of outside. The other side of this threshold was the dojo. The horse was also inside, eating a rice paper wall. Kaoru did not notice because she was staring off into the hypnotizing rain, thunder, and lightning.

She whispered, "How different the world has become just because of a storm. And how different I've become just because of a massacre on everybody I cared about. Not even the rain will be able to wash off this soon bloody sword. Aoshi, I vindicate now you die."

**Chapter 3: By the Force Within, Let the War Begin**

Kaoru was on the front porch of her dojo finishing her project. She painted the Japanese characters for "No Mercy" in black ink on the back of her shirt. She then put it on the clothesline to dry. She then decided to go to town because she wanted to buy something special. While walking around the various shops, she found the thing she was looking for. It was a black headband. She bought it and returned to the dojo. She took her shirt off the clothesline and went inside with it.

While inside she made a list of people that she had to get revenge on. The list read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

5. AOSHI

She emerged with her self-expressive shirt on, her black headband rapped around her head, and Kenshin's sakabatou in its sheath in her belt. She also emerged with a darker attitude and a thirst for blood.

"What should I do first?" asked Kaoru in her mind. "I know. I'll get into Aoshi's headquarters and see if I can find any important documents. He must have records of the other Oniwabenshu members' whereabouts."

She knew where the compound was because Kenshin went there quiet frequently. She got on Widowmaker and rode off to it.

The compound was a small building at the edge of town. When she first arrived she wanted to make sure no one was there. When the coast was clear, she snuck into it to start her master plan.

She walked around the compound until she came across an office. It was quiet fancy and nicely sized. She figured it was Aoshi's office so she went into it. In a drawer, she found papers that contained the Oniwabenshu's addresses.

"This will do nicely," said Kaoru to herself. "I'll start off with Beshimi since he was the one who almost killed me."

She took the papers and ran outside. She got on Widowmaker and rode off to her first victim.

Beshimi's homestead was located in Yokohama. It was an ideal location for an Oniwabenshu member to live because it was located close to Tokyo where their headquarters lay.

It took Kaoru a couple of days to get there, but she made it. When she got there, she expected to find some kind of mansion. Instead, she found a little house that could probably hold no more than two rooms. "What a piece of shit," thought Kaoru to herself.

Beshimi was in the backyard watering his garden.

"This really sucks," said Beshimi. "None of the food I planted will grow. I can't go buy food because I can't afford it. What am I going to eat? I'm going to starve!"

Kaoru tied Widowmaker up in front of the house. She drew her sakabatou from its sheath. She then flipped it over so the blade was facing down. She crept around the house to the back. She thought that she could ambush him and bring him down with one blow. She ran towards him with the sword raised. She was aiming to cut him in half. When she got close enough, she swung downward with as much force as she could.

She missed.

Beshimi knew someone was behind him and he jumped to the right side at the last moment.

"What the hell?" said Beshimi stunned. "How can this be? I killed you with a poison dart back at the church. It must have just skimmed you and knocked you unconscious. No matter. I can kill you right now. As your corpse lays underground, I will dance upon your fuckin' grave."

He jumped in the air towards her and released a barrage of poison darts.

Kaoru was quick with the sakabatou and managed to deflect all the darts.

"Well, it seems that you've had some training," said Beshimi.

"I have come to avenge Kenshin and everyone else massacred," said Kaoru. "This sword is the tool of justice, so give me the evil to put it through!" She then ran towards him with the sword and ejected a mighty thrust meant to penetrate and annihilate.

Beshimi once again evaded easily. He was just too fast for her.

While in midair, Beshimi threw another dart at her. She quickly turned around and deflected the dart with the sword. This time the dart flew back at Beshimi. He had to twist in the air to dodge it. He evaded it, but the maneuver screwed up his landing. Instead of landing on his feet, he landed on his stomach. He was about to pull himself up, but he got unexpected help. Kaoru grabbed the back of his clothing and pulled him off the ground. She turned him around so he could see the hatred and anger in her blue eyes.

"You took the lives of everyone I ever cared about," said Kaoru. "Now I shall take yours. I'll send you to the depths of hell!"

With sweat on his brow Beshimi said, "Listen you bitch. Others will try to destroy you."

"Whine to someone who gives a damn," said Kaoru.

She then stabbed the sakabatou into his chest. Beshimi let out a bloodcurdling scream. She then pulled the sword down to his groin and removed it. His intestines hung out of his stomach swaying then plopped onto the ground. A pool of blood was also forming underneath him. Kaoru dropped the motionless and soundless body onto the ground. Blood and intestinal fragments shot upwards into the air. Kaoru then went inside to find a writing implement. She found one lying on a table. Her goal now was to update her list.

The list now read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

AOSHI

She went back outside. There was a bucket of water near the garden. She poured the water on her sword to clean it. Afterwards, she went to untie Widowmaker. She jumped on him and went on her way to her next target. She left Beshimi's body outside so it could rot in the sun.

**Chapter 4: There's Ways to Kill the Giant **

Kaoru went back to her house to rest. For supper she had sweet potatoes and her horse had the same. It was still lonely for her though. Her horse could not completely fill the void. A part of her was taken away and it could never return. However with each killing, she felt more relieved. Kaoru and Widowmaker retired for the night.

The next day Kaoru decided to honor her fiancé in another way: have a drink. In the afternoon she went down to the Hadouken. She walked in the front door and sat down at the bar. Scruffy was on shift and was turned around arranging his beer bottles.

"Hey barkeep, give me a swig of whisky," said Kaoru in a hollow tone.

Scruffy turned around. "You look depressed."

"Yeah. My fiancé was murdered as well as all my friends," said Kaoru.

"It can't be…you're Kaoru Kamiya. Where's my manners. My name's Scruffy."

"Scruffy? Are you the Scruffy my husband was supposed to assassinate?" asked Kaoru.

"The only one I know of," said Scruffy. He then took a rag out and started to wash the bar counter.

"I should be decapitating you right now because you ratted out on my fiancé's gang, but I don't feel like it. You made that pact with my husband so you actually helped us out in the end. I guess I should say thanks," said Kaoru.

"I realize I'm a scumbag. However, it was done for just cause. The government would have been a bit more lenient on your husband. It's not like he went around killing everybody in his path. But him being betrayed by his boss and murdered in cold blood wasn't right. The same also goes for your friends. I can understand why you're angry with me as well as Aoshi. The difference though is that I just wanted to rat him out. These contracts have limits and I know because I was a crime boss. To go and kill everybody because of some stupid-ass rule isn't worth it. I'm rooting for ya kiddo."

"For being a nark, you're not that bad. No hard feelings?" asked Kaoru.

"No hard feelings," said Scruffy as he shook her hand.

"Where you off to now?" asked Scruffy.

"Where there is a trail of blood, that's the path to my location," said Kaoru.

She laid her glass down, wiped her mouth, and left the bar. At the door she turned around again. "Do you think you deserve to be killed?"

"No partly because you don't think so," said Scruffy.

In Chiba, Hyottoko home's city, all was not well. Hyottoko was shoplifting a store that carried his precious oil. He came out of the store holding a couple of kegs. The shop owner came out after him screaming, "You fat tub of lard! This oil ain't free you know!"

"I thought it was," said Hyottoko.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" said the shop owner.

"This," said Hyottoko. He drank the oil and clicked his teeth together creating a spark. A wave of fire erupted out of his mouth and swarmed over the shop owner. He stood there shaking and screaming. His skin blistered and melted off his bones. The stench of charred flesh could be smelled for miles. Once his eyes exploded out of his head, the body fell to the ground. His bones were all blackened with flesh dripping off. Hyottoko just laughed and walked away.

Kaoru came up on her horse. She passed the body on the ground. It smelled something awful.

She said in her mind, "This looks like Hyottoko's work. The body's still warm so he must be close."

She followed through the rest of town searching for him. She got out into the country where she spotted him walking into his house. Widowmaker galloped all the way to the front entrance. The house was a bit bigger than Beshimi's only because Hyottoko was a big man. Kaoru got off Widowmaker and knocked on the door. Nobody answered so she went inside on her own.

"Didn't your mother teach you not to enter other people's houses without permission?" asked Hyottoko as he was walking down the hall.

"Sorry but quiet ironic because I remember everything else about my past," said Kaoru.

Hyottoko's eyes widened. "The dead have risen to claim the earth!"

"You're much dumber than you look…and you look pretty dumb," said Kaoru. She pulled out the sword and charged at Hyottoko.

In a flash he grabbed her by the collar and launched her at the ceiling. The impact broke a hole in the ceiling and sent Kaoru falling to the ground. Debris flew around her. A huge piece then fell from the ceiling straight towards her. She rolled out of the way just in the nick of time.

She crawled back to her feet with a slight twitch in her back. Hyottoko blobbed over to her and threw some left and right hooks at her. She was to quick and evaded all of them. She rolled between his legs ready to impale him from behind. Hyottoko swung his head around spewing flames. Kaoru jumped backwards with her left sleeve scorched. She patted it out moaning in pain. Hyottoko pulled out another jug and Kaoru slashed it to bits. In the process oil drenched her sword. He punched her back and drank some oil out of another jug.

"A wench like you should burn especially well," said Hyottoko.

She wiped her bleeding nose and shouted, "You're nothing but a one-trick pony! Come and get it!"

He threw it down and spewed more fire at her. She stuck her sword out and it lit on fire. Hyottoko saw that he made contact with something and started to laugh. The barrage stopped and she walked forward. She jumped on his gut and stuck her hand in his mouth. He had trouble breathing and became lightheaded.

"You showed a sign of weakness. It's time to put you out to pasture," said Kaoru.

With ease she ripped out the bag and impaled the flaming sword down his throat. Now burning and being slashed from the inside out, Hyottoko gagged and shook his head. Blood jolted out of his throat and splashed against Kaoru. His body became so hot that she jumped off of him. Hyottoko walked about with the sword still in him. He coughed up some smoke and toppled over onto his back. Kaoru went over to him. The handle of the sword was poking out of his mouth so she grabbed it. It was caught on something though. She tugged on it a couple of times. She finally yanked it out sending blood spurting everywhere. On the end of the sword was Hyottoko's heart. She shook the sword and the heart lodged against the door.

Outside Kaoru examined herself. Her left arm was a bit burned but nothing serious. She got back on Widowmaker and headed for home. The first thing she did was wash the blood off her clothes. The second thing was treating her burn with ice and bandages. The third thing she did was updating the list.

The list now read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

AOSHI

To be continued…


	11. Episode 11

KILL AOSHI:

VOLUME 2

Rating: R/possibly NC-17 for language and gory violence

Genre: Action/Adventure

**Chapter 5: Siphon Your Blood to Me**

"I have carved my path of vengeance using this sword," said Kaoru as she was riding Widowmaker to Shikijou's home sector. "But the slaughter does not end here. I still have three more members to kill. As with the previous ones, I will show these members no mercy on their souls. I will continue to make it rain blood until each and every one of these murderers is killed."

Shikijou was located in Hitachi. It was there where he engaged in his various acts of violence and carnage.

It took a week to reach the location but Kaoru did it. She had so much adrenaline that she carried on. She rode up to the house and was amazed at what she saw. The building was almost the size of the dojo. Like always, she tied Widowmaker out front and proceeded to the front entrance. She withdrew her sword and opened the door. She quietly walked in and closed the door behind her. There were no noises, so she considered that maybe he wasn't home. Sure enough, she was right. She checked out the entire premises and found nothing.

She would wait for him.

An hour went by and Shikijou came back. He was out gambling and got into a brawl. Unfortunately, the person he fought didn't make it back alive. He was now nothing more than a mere trophy that Shikijou carried home with him.

He walked in the front and entrance and shut the door. He then dropped the battered and bloody corpse on the ground.

Kaoru was hiding in a closet that was in the same hallway. The closet was on the opposite wall, but it was close to the entrance. She kept the door open a crack so she could see outside.

She decided that it was the time to strike.

She leaped from the closet with her sword raised high above her head.

Shikijou saw her, grabbed her sword with his hand, and grabbed her neck with his other.

"I can't believe it's you," said Shikijou. "I thought that we killed you. This really pisses me off because now I have to redo the job." He then threw her through the rice paper wall into the next room. She hit the ground hard and her sword flew to the other side of the room.

Shikijou came through the hole in the wall only to find Kaoru trying to stand up.

"You should have just died back there," said Shikijou, "Because you would have suffered a lot less. You know, I never liked the idea of you marrying Kenshin. You weren't worthy enough or strong enough for him. You're just a weakling with pathetic ideals."

"Well, you're just a foolish pawn," said Kaoru. "You can't think for yourself or make any of your own decisions. Your stupid leader Aoshi has to lead you by the hand. Without him, you wouldn't know what to do."

"How dare you disgrace me and the Oniwabenshu," said Shikijou. "I will be sure to make your death extra painful now. Die!" He then charged with a shoulder ram at her.

Kaoru managed to dive out of the way before he could smash her. He flew threw the wall and into another room.

Kaoru ran to her sword and picked it up. She then ran through the hole with fire in her eyes.

"No one fucks with Kaoru Kamiya," screamed Kaoru as she charged at Shikijou holding her sword upside down. Her plan was to swing it upward and slash him in the face.

Right before she swung it upward, he stepped to the side out of the way. He then punched her in the face. Some blood flew on the wall. She then began to swing her blade violently in all direction. It was no good. Shikijou, who had a high tolerance to pain, kept blocking all the attacks with his arms.

"This is useless," thought Kaoru. "I'm going to have to change my strategy. I'll have to retreat for now."

She stopped her attacks and dashed out of the room.

"I always knew this girl was a coward," said Shikijou. "However this is good, I now can get my secret weapon."

Kaoru ran outside and hid behind a tree. She was thinking to herself how she could defeat someone this powerful. Just then she saw something coming towards her. She jumped out from under the tree. The object hit the tree and knocked it down.

The object was Shikijou's chain ball. He was standing on the roof. He then pulled the chain ball back to him and threw it again at Kaoru. She jumped back and the chain ball hit the ground.

With her quick reflexes, she jumped on the ball and then jumped off it and cut the chain with her sword, breaking it.

"Damn you," said Shikijou. "You destroyed my favorite weapon."

He then jumped of the roof and lunged at her. He threw an array of punches. He got Kaoru in the stomach, the chest and the head. She still refused to die. Shikijou then let out a punch straight for her face. She ducked and swayed to the right side, and the punch went past her. She gabbed her sword by the dull end and jabbed the handle into Shikijou's stomach. He bent over and held his stomach in pain. He began to throw up, and then eventually collapsed into his own puddle of puke. Kaoru then pulled out some razor wire that found in his house. He went up behind him and sat on his back. She rapped the wire around his neck and began to pull on it. His head tilted up and back. He began screaming, and eventually fell silent when the wire cut through his neck. She continued to pull on the wire until his head just slid of his shoulders with some blood gushing out of his neck. She had decapitated him with the wire.

Kaoru got off him and wandered back into his house. She found a writing utensil and updated her list.

The list now read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

AOSHI

Every part of her body ached, so she wanted to take a nap. She went looking around his house for a futon. She found one, and lay on it exhausted. She peacefully drifted off to sleep.

**Chapter 6: Gotta Cut the Ties that Bind**

"Hannya," said Aoshi. "I called you to my office because of some disturbing news. Apparently Beshimi, Hyottoko, and Shikijou have all been viciously murdered."

"By whom?" asked Hannya.

"I don't know. However the ways they died suggested a swordsman of some sort," said Aoshi.

"Maybe it was someone from the Kamiya/Himura wedding. Kenshin wouldn't be it because he was impaled through the head with a sword. That Miss Kaoru tends to work into the puzzle because she was hit with poison. There are many factors in that which could of resulted in a non-lethal blow."

Aoshi slammed his fist down on the table.

"Stop trying to bring me into your fantasy world Hannya. Beshimi knew what he was doing. Besides if she survived the initial attack, where would she get an antidote? That weakling couldn't have even survived a regular dart thrown by Beshimi. However the irony is delicious. Somebody like her who happens to survive an attack like that, and then comes to kill us all. It's so unlikely that maybe it's the truth."

"What are you saying then?" asked Hannya.

"Who the fuck knows. Just kill whoever it is because I'm sure they'll come after you. And I have an inkling I'm next in line to dance with the reaper."

"Yes master Aoshi," said Hannya. He vanished in a blur.

Back at the Kamiya household Kaoru was getting excited.

"We're almost done with the list Widowmaker. On the downside though, Hannya is a tough opponent. The other members were tough but this guy has a lot of tricks up his sleeves. Also, by now I'm sure Aoshi knows something's up."

She prepared herself and took off with Widowmaker. They were passing by the Hadouken bar when Scruffy came outside. He waved to Kaoru so she would stop.

"Good mourn' Miss Kaoru," said Scruffy.

She got off the horse and went over by him. "Same to you."

"Still going about your business?" asked Scruffy.

"Yeah," said Kaoru.

"Well when you get to Aoshi, stab him in the eye or something for me kiddo," exclaimed Scruffy.

"I'm not going that lenient on him," said Kaoru. "Good day."

"Same here," said Scruffy.

Kaoru took off again.

Hannya lived in the city of Joetsu. His house was quite dilapidated just like all the other members. It was located in a thick brush of forest so it was hidden in the shadows. Hannya watched ever so vigilantly in his house. He told himself that he could be the one to kill this serial murder. This might spark a reward but the honor of doing this would be much greater. He waited, waited, waited…

A few days later Kaoru, still on horseback, arrived in the city of Joetsu. She heard people talking about a ghastly figure that haunted the night here. The rumors said he bathed in victim's blood, ripped up bodies beyond recognition, and sold people's organs. When she asked if this person went by the name of Hannya, they all said yes and pointed towards the woods. Kaoru pulled her sword out cautiously and approached the woods.

Now at the entrance of the shack, she made her progression to it. Considering what the other members' houses looked like, this had to be it. She tied up Widowmaker at the front and proceeded around the house. Nobody could be found in it. She didn't hear anything or see anything. Her 360-degree journey around the house turned up nothing.

"This sucks. I wanted to kill that horse's ass. No offence Widowmaker." said Kaoru.

A shearing rip broke the silence and two claws pierced through the rice-paper wall. Then hands shot through and grabbed Kaoru by the shoulders. She was dragged through the wall and Hannya threw her on his kitchen table. She hit the table face-up and the table crashed to the ground in pieces. Kaoru laid their moaning and coughing on the dust that was air-born. She got back up on her feet.

Hannya was scraping his claws together. "I thought some whore like you would have some fighting skills. I mean you live on the streets like a dog."

"Spare me your mockery Hannya. You know what I'm after," said Kaoru.

"Yes I do, suicide. Attacking me won't do any good because of my spell," said Hannya.

"Sorry to break this to you. My fiancé talked about your dumb stripe tick in one of his books," said Kaoru sneeringly.

"Shit. Oh well, this just means you'll be more inclined to race to your death," said Hannya.

Kaoru charged at Hannya. Hannya's claws deflected all her swings. He managed to get her sword lodged in between his claws to create a gridlock. He broke away one of his hands and clawed Kaoru on the side of the face. Three parallel spurts of blood protruded through the air. Kaoru rolled backwards to get out of harm's way.

"What happened? I know your secret," shouted Kaoru.

"Your mind's playing tricks on you. You know the secret yet you look at the stripes. This subconsciously puts you back into my trap," said Hannya.

"I have to impair the stripes somehow. There's not enough time for me to train myself to look past them," said Kaoru to herself.

Hannya charged at her swinging his claws randomly. Kaoru blocked his attacks but fell backwards onto the broken table. Kaoru raised her sword to the most probable place he would strike. He did and she got him in a gridlock. Then she swung her leg out and tripped Hannya. He fell beside her into the dust. His sleeves got covered with it.

"The stripes are gone. I can see the length of his arms now," said Kaoru to herself.

Hannya disappeared and then reappeared in the air. He projected a claw at Kaoru but she dodged it. She started to swing at him but he kept dodging her attacks. In flashes of light they kept evading each other's swings. In motion Hannya scraped his claws together giving away his direction by sound. Kaoru kicked at him and hit him in the stomach. He fell onto the ground where his claws got stuck in the floor. Kaoru went over by him and stabbed him twice in the back. The wounds were inflicted on his lungs. They could not longer inflate so he entered internal suffocation. In streams, blood ran down both his chest and back.

For a few minutes he stood there on his knees gasping for air. His head bobbed up and won slightly. Blood was dripping out of his mask and then his heart gave out. He leaned onto his claws and his weight broke them. Pieces of the claws went flying as his body fell facedown onto the ground. The blood from his back ran off the sides of him.

Kaoru was still bleeding a bit on her left cheek. She found a cloth in the kitchen and wiped off her face. A wiring utensil was lying on the ground and she picked it up. She took out her list to update it.

The list now read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

AOSHI

"Four down and one to go," said Kaoru as she rode home. "Some people say death is the easy way out because there's no pain. That's why you kill someone in a way that makes up for it. Aoshi maybe you should consider gambling. Just make sure you don't bet your life like when you played the game of murder."

Kaoru and Widowmaker slept underneath the stars each night before they got home. At home Kaoru practiced some more. The evening before going after Aoshi, Kaoru watched the sunset from the front of the dojo. It seemed a little more red than usual. Maybe seeing all that blood ruined her eyesight. Widowmaker came over and started to chew on her hair.

**Chapter 7: Just Let Me kill you for a Smile**

Kaoru awoke on her futon hungry. She went outside and cooked up some miso soup. It tasted so bad that Widowmaker wouldn't even eat it. After she was done eating her bitter and spicy soup, she and Widowmaker began on their journey to Aoshi's home.

Aoshi was easy to find because he lived on the out squirts of Tokyo. This made sense because his headquarters was located there.

Before Kaoru went over there, she went to the Hadouken one last time.

"Hey Scruffy," said Kaoru as seated herself on a stool by the bar.

"Hello, Miss Kaoru," said Scruffy.

"I'll have a Purple Wind," said Kaoru. "We'll I'm off to kill Aoshi. I'm very nervous about this fight. I don't know if I'll make it back."

"Relax," said Scruffy as he put her drink on the table. "You'll do fine. If you can defeat the other members of the Oniwabenshu, you must be a pretty good fighter. Besides, this is your destiny. He hurt you first, so its time to return the favor."

"You're right. I do stand a chance against him. In case I don't see you again, goodbye." She then drank her Purple Wind and got out of the seat.

As Kaoru was about to walk out the door, Scruffy yelled, "Hey!"

Kaoru then turned around.

"Do me a favor," said Scruffy. "Kick him right in the ass for me."

Kaoru put a smile on her face and said, "I'll do that."

She then left the building.

Kaoru and Widowmaker headed towards Aoshi's house. She pulled up to the front and tied Widowmaker there.

Before she entered the front door, she took a deep breath. She then entered very quietly as not to disturb anything. She then found a table a couple of feet in front of a door with two chairs on each side. She then wandered over by it to see if any important documents were on it.

Just then, the door flew open and Aoshi charged out with his right hand lifted up and in a fist.

"Shogi!" screamed Aoshi as ran towards the table. He then slammed his fist on it.

He took his hand of the table only to reveal a shogi piece.

"Care to join me for a game?" asked Aoshi.

"Bring it on shithead," said Kaoru.

Aoshi and Kaoru sat at the table and played shogi for a while.

"Hannya's dead. If he wasn't you wouldn't be here," said Aoshi.

"I see you've figured out the pattern. Why don't you just admit defeat and let me kill you," said Kaoru.

"No. It wouldn't be fair to me. I can easily kill you," said Aoshi.

"Despite your ego trip, I'll still take you on," said Kaoru.

The door by the table opened and Kenji walked through. Kaoru turned towards him and then back to Aoshi. "You monster you kept him alive so this disaster could continue to haunt him for the rest of his life."

"Not exactly. We wanted a replacement for Kenshin, so we purposely injured him. The idea was to make it look like he died. Then we would train him in the art of assassination. But in order to do this, we would have to brainwash him," said Aoshi.

"You brainwashed my son?" asked Kaoru.

"No. He's too strong for that. That's why I 'm going to kill him…in front of you," said Aoshi.

"Let's make a wager. If I kill you I get Kenji back. If you kill me, then you can kill him," said Kaoru.

"Seeing how if I die, I would have to give him back because I'm dead. However I refuse to make that bet. You see I know you can't win so a bet would be pointless." Aoshi started to chuckle.

"Your ego's showing again," said Kaoru.

"Now if you bet Kenji on this game, he would have been mine. You lost it," said Aoshi.

"Not all games are alike. A person can suck at one game but be good at another," said Kaoru.

"Well then, stop sucking and get good," said Aoshi.

He packed up the Shogi game and took it into the next room. He came back outside carrying his weapon. Kenji was still standing by the door. Aoshi went up by Kaoru and pulled the kodachi from its sheath. The blade gleamed in the light that managed to creep into the house. Then Kaoru pulled her sword from the sheath. It appeared brighter also. Next came the calm before the battle. Kaoru and Aoshi just stared at each other waiting for the other to make a move.

Kaoru decided that it would be better if she made the first attack. She ran towards Aoshi as fast as she could. When she was about two feet in front of him, she ejected her sword outward hoping to stab him. He just stepped to the side right out of harm's way. He then punched her in the back with his hand. She flew on her stomach with a mighty thud. She got back up and did a horizontal swing towards Aoshi, but he jumped back and she missed.

Aoshi tried to punch her straight in the face, but she grabbed his fist. He then took his leg and kicked her in the stomach. She moved backward, grouched over in pain and coughed a few times.

After she got her breath back, she tried a vertical chop with her sword, but Aoshi blocked it with his. He then made an uppercut on her, which made her fly a couple feet back. Streaks of blood flew in all direction. Kaoru put her weight on her sword and pulled herself up. She took her hand and wiped the blood from her lip.

"I can't believe you thought you could take me on," said Aoshi. "However, I do admire your spirit and courage. Unfortunately, you need more than those two things to defeat me."

She attacked him with all sorts of vertical and horizontal swipes. Since his kodachi was lighter than her sakabatou, he could maneuver it faster. Thus, he blocked all her attacks with little effort.

When there was a break in his strikes, he attempted to stab Kaoru in the neck with his weapon. Kaoru saw this coming so she grabbed his sword with her free hand. It sliced her hand open, which caused blood to run down the blade and drop on the floor. She took her sakabatou and swiped it at Aoshi's chest. She made a gash with it near his left shoulder. Blood squirted out and hit her in the face.

"Goddamn you!" shouted Aoshi as he covered the wound with his hand. Blood continued to run down his clothes and squirt all over the place.

He backed further away from Kaoru and then ran to the closet. He took out a bandage and wrapped it around his arm tight to create pressure. Then he came back to Kaoru.

"Get ready for the Jissen-Kenbu technique. Experienced swordsmen can't withstand it. Considering how new you are to this fighting, the only way you can beat me is if I purposely screw up," said Aoshi.

Aoshi then started his parade of fluid motion. In a circuitous motion, he moved around Kaoru. She blindingly swung at him because she was unable to compensate this maneuver.

"Why isn't he attacking?" said Kaoru in her mind. "Maybe he's preparing the Kaiten-Kenbu attack." In defense she raised her sheath to weaken the blow.

Instead, Aoshi's offensive was a jab. His jutted right past the sheath and pierced Kaoru's shoulder. She started to howl in pain. Blood launched out covering the kodachi. He then raised Kaoru off the ground into mid-air. With his hand shaking, he held her there watching as she squirmed in pain. Blood ran down her clothes splattering onto the ground. With one mighty pull, he extracted the sword from Kaoru. She fell onto her feet and then stumbled to the floor face-first. Kaoru grabbed her wound and continued shaking. Aoshi stood above her examining his kodachi.

"I'm not stupid you know. Just because your fiancé wrote about how to counterattack certain attacks, doesn't mean that's its going to happen that way," said Aoshi forcefully.

Kaoru flashed her sheath in between Aoshi's legs. He stepped backwards and tripped over it. He fell onto his back and his weapon went flying over him.

"Tell that to someone who gives a damn," said Kaoru, now panting.

Kaoru strained back onto her feet. Then Aoshi got up.

He raised his fists into the air. "I'll drink your blood wench!"

"You're going to have to do that through a straw hell spawn!"

In a bolt of lightning he charged towards her. He strung a slew of punches at Kaoru. She dodged his punches then grabbed one of his arms. She twisted it around his back and then smashed the sheath against his groin. He fell onto his knees in pain. He then kicked Kaoru in the stomach. She fell backwards onto the kitchen table. He leaped at her and was successful. Once he had her pinned to the table, he tried to suffocate her with his hands. Kaoru raised her sheath but Aoshi knocked it away from her. He was too distracted that he did not realize he had just knocked the sheath away; the sword was still in tact. Kaoru hit him in the head with the sword handle. He rolled off her onto the left side of the table. She flipped the sword over and shoved it into his right arm, pinning him to the table. She got off the table and raced over to his kodachi. She picked it up and went back over to Aoshi. Before he could pull the sword out she locked his other arm to the table. Blood was swashing all over the table while Aoshi kept struggling against the swords. He turned and spat some blood at Kaoru's face. She wiped it off.

"How do you think you should die Aoshi? I'm open to suggestions," said Kaoru.

"Go fuck yourself!" yelled Aoshi as he spit up some blood.

"I'm not sure how that would kill you. Oh well, I'll think of something," said Kaoru.

She dug through his closet and came across some rope. She came back towards Aoshi.

Aoshi was exhausted from his struggling but jilted every minute or so. "Only cowards kill people."

"Cowards deserve to die and that's why I'm killing you," said Kaoru with a smirk. She tied a noose around Aoshi's neck.

She removed the swords from Aoshi's arms. She threw the kodachi and put hers back into her sheath. Aoshi collapsed onto the ground but Kaoru picked him back up. She carried him out of the house where she tied the other end of the rope to Widowmaker's saddle. Kaoru climbed up onto the horse.

"Any last words Aoshi?" asked Kaoru.

"I accept my death. I'm glad you're the one that's going to kill me. Never underestimate something because it can surprise you. Remember that Kaoru. One last thing, I guess you'll be leaving your mark on society after all," said Aoshi.

Kaoru galloped off with Aoshi following behind. The blood from his wounds created a trail behind him. Aoshi gagged and wobbled back and forth as the rope was pulling on his neck. After a couple of blocks Aoshi's groaning ceased. His body became limp and his face eased up. Kaoru looked behind her to see if he was dead yet. Figuring that he was, she stopped Widowmaker. She walked over by Aoshi's body to confirm that assumption. She bent down to check his pulse and there was none. She stood back up and looked down at his opened eyes.

"He got his ass kicked by a girl. I bet he felt really stupid just before he died," said Kaoru.

She dragged his body back to the house where she laid it face-up on the kitchen table. Kenji watched the whole thing. He went up to Aoshi's corpse and poked it in the leg.

"Don't touch that. You don't know where it's been," said Kaoru.

"Sorry mom. You know Aoshi was a moron. He couldn't even brainwash a ten-year old kid," said Kenji.

"We all know dear. How about a drink? You probably need one too," said Kaoru.

"I want a martini: shaken not stirred," said Kenji.

Kaoru found a writing utensil and updated the list.

The list now read:

DEATH LIST FIVE

1. BESHIMI

2. HYOTTOKO

3. SHIKIJOU

4. HANNYA

5. AOSHI

**Chapter 8: Soundness of Mind**

"I still can't believe that Aoshi tried to brainwash me," said Kenji as he was walking with Kaoru. "Man, that guy was full of bullshit."

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "He was a pretty big asshole."

They walked into the Hadouken to get some saké.

Scruffy was fooling around with some stuff behind the bar. After he stood up and saw Kaoru, he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Holy crap!" said Scruffy. "You survived Aoshi?"

"Yep," said Kaoru with a big smile on her face.

"Wow!" said Scruffy. "You must be one hell of a fighter."

"Thank you," said Kaoru as she and Kenji sat at the bar.

"Hey, since you are alive," said Scruffy. "Does this mean that Aoshi is really gone?"

"Yep, said Kaoru. "His reign of terror is over. The Oniwabenshu is no more."

"Yes!" screamed Scruffy as put his arms in the air.

"I almost forgot," said Kaoru. "I would like you to meet my son, Kenji. Aoshi kidnapped him after the church massacre and tried to brainwash him into taking Kenshin's place. Of course it didn't work."

"Hey there," said Scruffy as she shook Kenji's hand.

"You know what," said Scruffy. "This calls for a celebration. A free round of saké for everybody."

"But we're the only ones here," said Kaoru.

"Oh yeah," said Scruffy. "Well in that case, we then just get a free round of saké."

"But you're not supposed to drink while on the job," said Kaoru.

"Listen," said Scruffy. "Rules are just suggestions. You don't have to follow them."

He then took out pulled out two classes and began to fill them.

"Hey mom," said Kenji. "After they bury Aoshi, can I take a piss on his grave?"

"Sure," said Kaoru. "I don't see why not."

…Kaoru then sat straight up on the futon. Her eyes were wide open and she was sweating heavily. She looked over at Kenshin, who was sound asleep snoring.

"I'm so thankful you're still alive," said Kaoru as he pounced on Kenshin and gave him a hug

"Ah, my groin!" screamed Kenshin as he woke up. "What's going on?"

"I had a dream where you were an assassin for the Oniwabenshu. You were going to marry me but Aoshi didn't approve, so the group killed everybody," said Kaoru.

"Wow," said Kenshin. "Did I have to avenge your deaths?"

"No. You got your head impaled on a sword. I had to avenge all the deaths."

"Ah darn it. I can't even win in somebody's dreams," muttered Kenshin.

"There's more to it than that. Aoshi captured Kenji and tried to brainwash him into becoming an assassin for him. He was supposed to take your place," said Kaoru.

"This doesn't make any sense. You don't believe in killing people. You're a wimp."

"You idiot. I go and defend your honor and all you can do is make fun of me?"

"Uh, yes. Hey, wait a second; get off of me. You're squishing me."

"Ever since you called me a wimp, I don't feel like getting off you."

"Okay, I'm sorry. You're not a wimp. Now get off. I can't breath."

Kaoru then got off Kenshin and went back on her side of the futon.

"Now let's calm down," said Kenshin, "And go back to sleep. There is no need for anybody to have a stroke. Actually, I should have one. That way I wouldn't have to put up with this crap anymore."

"If you want a stroke," said Kaoru, "Then I'll give you one." She then whacked him in the face with her pillow.

The End


	12. Episode 12

SEEING IS NOT ALWAYS BELIEVING

Kenshin was outside washing his sword in a bucket of water. He somehow accidentally dropped it through the hole in the outhouse.

"That's the last time I use my sword to see how full the waste containment unit is," said Kenshin. "From now on, I'll use one of Kaoru's bokkens to do the job."

Kaoru came walking up to Kenshin holding Kenji by the arm.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Look what your son did." She then held up a torn blue hair ribbon.

"He tried to use it as a slingshot and it ripped," she said.

"Kenji," said Kenshin. "How many times have I told you not to play with your mother's hair ribbons? They're not strong enough. You should go with her kimonos. Now they're made out of strong material."

"Shut up," said Kaoru. "I have a class to teach in a couple minuets, so I want you to go to Tomoe's shop in the marketplace and buy me a new one."

"Why am I getting punished?" said Kenshin. "Kenji's the one who destroyed your hair ribbon, not me."

"Don't worry. He's going to pay. I'm going to make him do a whole bunch of extra chores today. Now get going. I want to see the hair ribbon after my class is finished."

"Fine. I'll go get your stupid hair ribbon. I don't understand why it's such a priority. It's not like you're going to die if don't get it." He then walked unenthusiastically out of the main entrance.

"Kaoru's always bossing me around and making me do all the chores," said Kenshin to himself as he was walking to the marketplace. "One day I should just go on strike."

Kenshin eventually found Tomoe's shop. It was called the Kikouken.

He walked inside and immediately went to find the thing he was after. He found a ribbon that looked just like the one Kenji annihilated. He grabbed it and then went to look around some more. But since this was a women's store, he lost interest quiet quickly.

"I hope I don't get sucked into a mindless conversation with Kaoru's stupid friend," said Kenshin to himself as he walked to the counter.

"Hi Kenshin," said Tomoe behind the contour. "Are you buying a gift for Kaoru?"

"No," said Kenshin. "Kenji totaled one of her hair ribbons, so she made go out and buy her a new one."

"Well, it's still nice of you to go out and buy her one," said Tomoe.

"Yeah," said Kenshin sarcastically.

Tomoe than went on to talk to him about all kinds of things. She talked about cooking, clothes, makeup, and her P.M.S. After about twenty minutes of conversation, Tomoe let Kenshin go.

"Why does stupid crap like this always happen to me," said Kenshin after he got outside. "I want those twenty minutes of my life back. On second thought, I'd probably waste them anyway."

He continued to walk around the town because he still had some time before Kaoru was done teaching her class. Besides, after having to sit through Tomoe's torturous speech of mind numbing garbage, he felt that he deserved some fun time.

While he was trying to find a shop that sold explosives, he overheard some people in front of the Akabeko talking about some swordsman.

"He goes by the name Zatōichi," said a man. "He just entered Tokyo about a day ago. Apparently he is blind, but he's supposed to be one of the finest swordsmen in all of Japan."

"How can be so good if he can't see?" asked the other man.

"The only thing I can figure," said the first man, "Is that since he can't see, his other senses must be enhanced," said the first man.

"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch," said the second man.

"A blind swordsman," said Kenshin to himself. "I could easily beat him. No one is greater than me. If I ever meet him, I'll…"

He then continued on his way.

As he was going down the center road of the marketplace, there was a man off to the side.

"Mister," said the man to Kenshin, "Would you care for a massage?"

"No thanks," said Kenshin. "Wait a second; I've never seen anyone around here offer things like that before. Are you homeless or something?"

"Sort of," said the man. "I'm a swordsman who travels from city to city with the goal of helping others. But I make my money by giving massages."

"A wandering swordsman who helps people?" thought Kenshin. "He's just like me. I have to invite him to stay with my family and me. I just hope that Kaoru, or her food, doesn't scare him away."

"Why don't you come stay with me for awhile?" said Kenshin. "You can get a um…okay home cooked meal made by my wife Kaoru."

"Are you sure this wouldn't be a bother?"

"No. I'm sure."

Kenshin and the man then started to walk back to the dojo. Kenshin noticed that the man used a walking stick. He automatically assumed that the man used such a stick because he had a bad back.

When they walked in the entrance, Kaoru was sitting on the porch.

"That is my wife," said Kenshin as he pointed to her. "Her name is Kaoru, but she should really be called 'Empress Nag-a-Lot.'"

"Did you get my hair ribbon like you were supposed to?" said Kaoru.

"Yes, I got your stupid hair ribbon," said Kenshin.

"Good," said Kaoru as she went up to him and took the ribbon. "Now you won't have to sleep in the outhouse tonight."

"I also got something else," said Kenshin. "I invited this swordsman to stay with us for a while. He's a wanderer, so he has no place to go."

"You know, I would really appreciate it if you asked me first before you do things like this. However, I'll let you go this time since he needs a place to stay. Besides, we have more than enough room."

It was time for lunch, so Kaoru went to prepare the food.

Kenshin and his guest then went to the table and sat down at it. Kenji then came running in the room and sat by them.

"This is my son, Kenji," said Kenshin. "He might not look like much, but don't be fooled. He's a pretty good fighter."

"Dad, will you stop making fun of me?" said Kenji. "You do that constantly and I'm getting tired of it."

"Come on," said Kenshin. "It's fun for everybody."

"Well, its not fun for me," said Kenji.

"That's because you can't take a joke," said Kenshin. He then turned his attention to their new friend.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Kaoru's cooking is not the best. I decided to warn you ahead of time so there would be no surprises."

"I'm sure her cooking is fine," said the man.

Kaoru brought the tray of food in. She made rice balls. Actually they were more like rice triangles.

The man took one and said, "Why are they triangular? Oh well, this doesn't mean anything."

He then took a bite and said, "Whoa, was I wrong. These things are terrible."

"There's nothing wrong with them!" snapped Kaoru angrily. "They're just fine! And besides, what do you know? You're just a has-been wandering swordsman. So just shut up and eat your food."

"I suggest you do what she says," said Kenji.

"That's what I was planning on doing," said the man.

After dinner, Kaoru got up and took the plates off the table.

"Let me help you with the dishes," said the man. "I'm sorry I insulted your cooking earlier. It's the least I can do."

"Okay. Follow me," said Kaoru.

The man got up and followed Kaoru out of the room.

"Hey Kenji," said Kenshin. "While I was in the marketplace I heard some people talking about this new swordsman who recently came to Tokyo. His name is Zatōichi, and apparently he's blind. I also heard that even though he's blind, he's supposed to still be a really good fighter. However, I doubt he's as good as I am."

"Yeah right," said Kenji. "Everybody's better than you. Heck, I'm better than you. Ever since you left the revolution, you went down hill. The only way you could win is if your opponent purposely wants to lose."

"See," said Kenshin aggravated. "That's the same smart-alecky attitude I'd expect from you. Listen, girly-man, I could beat that jerk with my eyes closed. In fact, if I ever find him, I'll beat him to a bloody pulp to prove once and for all that I, Kenshin Himura, still am an excellent warrior."

The man then came back into the room.

"Well, I'm all done with the dishes," said the man.

"Good," said Kenshin. "Hey, did the beast hurt you in any way?"

"No," said the man.

"That's a relief," said Kenshin. "By the way, what is your name? I forgot to ask earlier."

"It's Zatōichi."

"Zatōichi?" asked Kenshin completely dumfounded.

"Yep."

"What an idiot!" said Kenji as started to laugh uncontrollably. "I can't believe that you unknowingly invited your rival to stay with us! This is great!"

When Kaoru was done washing the dishes, she came back into the kitchen. "You know sir, you're lucky to stay here. You're going to be boarding with the most attractive woman in Tokyo."

Kenshin and Kenji put their hands on their foreheads.

"I'll be the judge of that. You see I'm blind so can I feel your face? This way I can get an idea of what you look like," said Zatōichi.

"Sure, go ahead," said Kaoru.

He placed his hand on her face and moved it around. "You lie. You're a boyish looking woman."

Kaoru tried to slap him but he ducked with ease.

"Oh great, I have a second Kenshin now," said Kaoru. "I'm sure I've gone past the stupidity limit in Tokyo. You'd think a nice hardworking person would stop by once and awhile, but no. All I get are societal rejects and weirdoes. I should have a say in these things. After all, I earn the money in this house…"

"It's a filibuster. Run for it!" shouted Kenji.

Kenshin, Kenji, and Zatōichi sneaked out of the room. Kaoru was still there blabbing about who knows what. They went outside into the courtyard.

"You know Zatōichi, I could use a massage now," said Kenshin.

During the massage Zatōichi felt Kenshin's face.

"Hmm," said Zatōichi. "You look like a girly-man to me."

"Quite you," said Kenshin.

After he was done, Kenshin pulled out something and gave it to him.

"Here you go. You earned every cent," said Kenshin.

Zatōichi felt the money and his face frowned.

"These are shards of metal, said Zatōichi. "Pay up cheapskate."

He whacked Kenshin in the knee with his cane.

"Ah, fine. Take this then." Kenshin pulled out some real money and gave it to him.

Some people walking by noticed Zatōichi and asked him if they could get massages. Before long a long line formed in front of him. Kenshin and Kenji stood by watching the whole thing.

"This isn't fair. I should be getting paid for helping people," said Kenshin.

"That would require you to actually help people," said Kenji.

"I'll have Zatōichi massage you with his sword if you don't shut up," said Kenshin.

Sano and Megumi were looking out there front door watching the spectacle. They were curious so they came over to Kenshin's yard.

"Hey Kenshin," said Sano. "Is this another exploitation for quick money?"

"Nope. He's living with us. This is his job…I guess. His name's Zatōichi," said Kenshin.

"Those massages look nice," said Megumi. "Sano, can I get one?"

"Only if I can get the friend discount," said Sano.

"I can't get you the discount Sano. Me and Zatōichi aren't really friends," said Kenshin.

Sano turned towards Megumi.

"I don't know, said Sano.

"Come on. This will put me in the mood to give you one of my special messages," said Megumi.

"Knock yourself out," said Sano.

Megumi went into the line to wait her turn.

"Next," said Zatōichi.

"That would be me," said Megumi.

"And who might you be? You have a nice scent to you," said Zatōichi.

"I'm Megumi, the wife of Kenshin's neighbor Sano," said Megumi.

"You seem attractive but can I feel your face to confirm it?" asked Zatōichi.

Sano got furious. He marched up to Zatōichi and said, "Hey pal. Don't be eyen up my wife. Maybe a right hook will teach you some manners."

"You wouldn't hit a blind man would you?" asked Zatōichi.

"Damn you and your political correctness," sneered Sano. He walked away.

"Can I take a rain check on my massage? I have to explain to Sano what an affair really means," said Megumi.

She went back to her house.

Kaoru came outside.

"Where did you get that money?" said Kaoru.

"Who me?" said Zatōichi. "I have a job."

"You have a job? Kenshin, this man has a job, I have a job, notice a pattern here," said Kaoru.

"Yes I do Kaoru. You all get paid diddlysquat. The moral of the story is to not get a job, because you can make the same amount for doing nothing," said Kenshin.

"Mister? What's your name?" asked Kaoru.

"Zatōichi."

"Well Zatōichi, I think it would be a good idea to hang around with Kenshin for awhile. Maybe you can introduce him to reality. You know the place where you have to work in order to live," said Kaoru.

"I thought you didn't like him?" asked Kenji.

"He's got a job. That puts him light-years above your father," said Kaoru.

The rest of day went by as usual. Zatōichi showed Kenji and Kenshin some of his sword techniques and explained how he can fight despite his visual disability. Kaoru taught her classes; cleaned out the dojo; and put Kenshin, Kenji, and Zatōichi on crap detail.

"Why does mom want us to clean out the outhouse?" asked Kenji.

"Because son, Kaoru wants me to prove to her that I can clean out the outhouse correctly. The last time didn't meet her standards," said Kenshin.

"Why are we here? We didn't screw up like you did," said Kenji.

"You're tampering with forces you don't understand Kenji, so stop it," said Kenshin.

"Remember I'm blind and this is unfamiliar territory for me. This means you guys have to assist me," said Zatōichi.

"You're lucky," said Kenji.

"By the smell of it, at least constipation isn't a problem at your house," said Zatōichi.

"How right you are," said Kenshin. "Kaoru's food just slides in and out. That's because it's not fit for human consumption."

The battle of "Brown Town" took them an hour. Afterwards they spared with Zatōichi.

He whooped their sorry butts without breaking a sweat.

Dinner rolled around and they ate their food trying not to offend Kaoru. One more slip up could put Kenshin in sexual confinement with Kaoru. Around ten o'clock Kenshin showed Zatōichi to his room. It was in the dojo.

"Why does your wife want me out here?" asked Zatōichi.

"She doesn't trust you. Something about you being blind makes her uneasy. Frankly I don't give a damn but what can you do," said Kenshin.

"It's all right. A rooftop and a caring person to take me in is all I need. The wealth of a person is so insignificant when you think about it. The people themselves is what's important," said Zatōichi.

"You need help. On a different note, good night," said Kenshin.

"May you have a peaceful sleep as well," said Zatōichi.

Kenshin sluggishly returned back to his bedroom. Kaoru was inside laying on the futon. When Kenshin came in she opened her kimono slightly. She gave him a real sensual look and then slowly took it off the rest of the way. Kenshin just stared at her with shock.

"You look surprised. Is it because I'm beautiful?" asked Kaoru.

"No. It's because I did the stupid toilet thing and behaved myself, which didn't get me off the hook like it was supposed to," said Kenshin.

"But this isn't punishment dear. This is magic." Kaoru ran up to Kenshin and dragged him back to the futon.

A few minutes later Zatōichi arose with a dry mouth. He wanted a drink of water so he wandered into the kitchen of the Himura household. As he was walking up and down the halls, he accidentally put his cane through the rice paper wall to Kenshin's bedroom. Since he didn't feel anything he walked right through it into the bedroom. He stood there for a minute confused about what just happened. Kaoru and Kenshin didn't know he entered the bedroom, so they kept doing what they were doing.

Kaoru looked up and saw a shadow in the corner. "Ah! What the hell is that? Oh, it's just Zatōichi. He won't know what was going on."

"I'm blind not deaf remember," said Zatōichi.

"Nice going Kaoru," said Kenshin.

She put her hand over Kenshin's mouth and turned towards Zatōichi. "You pervert!" said Kaoru. She threw a pillow at him but he ducked.

She removed her hand from his mouth. "Thanks Zatōichi. You really do help people in need. I'll be in your debt for a long time," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Will you go show our guest out the door?"

"But, I'm naked," said Kenshin.

"He's blind!" yelled Kaoru annoyed.

"Okay," said Kenshin. He then dragged his sorry butt off the futon and proceeded to Zatōichi.

"Kenshin, I can see your doodle," said Zatōichi.

Kenshin then got a red face, raced back to the futon, and covered himself up with the blanket.

"I'm just messing around with you," said Zatōichi.

"I can't believe that you actually fell for that," said Kaoru. "What kind of idiot are you?"

"I'll just let myself out," said Zatōichi. He then went back through the hole that he had created before, but tripped on the bottom of the door and fell face first in the hallway.

"For the love of…" said Kaoru as she put her hand over her forehead.

Zatōichi pulled himself up and went back to the dojo.

She turned towards Kenshin again. "Told you he was up to no good. Well the mood's ruined so good night Kenshin."

The next day Sano and Megumi were still mad at each other. Sano woke up in a cranky mood. Megumi tried to calm him down but it didn't work.

"I had nightmares last night about you and that Zatōichi guy. He might be after you and you might be after him," whined Sano.

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I don't love him. I love you. Besides he was the only one that showed interest and that was to be nice," said Megumi.

"You see! He's brainwashing you. He's inside your head Megumi," said Sano.

"You know what Sano, you're right," said Megumi sarcastically. "I hear voices inside my head and they're telling me to kill you. That way I can spend all my time with my new lover Zatōichi."

"Get away from me you puppet!" shouted Sano. He dashed out of the bedroom screaming.

At the Himura household, everybody was eating breakfast.

"Kenshin, after breakfast I think I'll stroll over to your neighbor's house. Maybe I can ease the tension I created yesterday," said Zatōichi.

"Okay but I'm not going. Their house can be a firing zone and if you don't come back alive, don't expect a funeral or anything," said Kenshin.

"I've fought many swordsmen, explored distant lands, united families, and rescued all kinds of people. This shouldn't be that hard," said Zatōichi.

"Ah, basic training," said Kenshin. "Just remember all your training goes out the window during actual combat. You know, you should be going with a veteran of the Sano and Megumi wars. This way you'll learn all the tricks of the trade. I nominate Kenji."

"What?" asked Kenji.

"I forgot Zatōichi. If Kenji tries to propel you into real hostile territory, frag him," said Kenshin.

"That won't be necessary my dear Kenshin. Young boys shouldn't be exposed to such violence and language," said Zatōichi.

"Have it your way. Kenji's all ready been corrupted by Kaoru and me, so what's another vulgar situation going to do," said Kenshin.

Zatōichi took his walking stick and left the table. He calmly walked on over to the Sagara household. One the way over there he heard some yelling and some thuds. He got up on the front porch and knocked. The yelling stopped and Sano opened the door. He got furious with rage when he saw that Zatōichi was standing there.

"It's you! The perverted hypnotist who goes around town to town and turns weak-minded women into his love slaves," said Sano.

"Uh?" asked Zatōichi.

Megumi pushed Sano out of the way. "Sorry Zatōichi. Sano thinks you brainwashed me. Please come in."

Sano, Megumi, and Zatōichi went into the living room.

"Why are you here?" asked Megumi.

"I'll tell you why," said Sano. "He's here to frisk you. And for all I know, you want him to frisk you. What does Zatōichi have that I don't have? Nothing. In fact I have something that he doesn't."

Megumi elbowed him in the gut. "I'm asking Zatōichi, not you."

"I'm here to clear up the situation. Sano, Megumi's right. I wasn't trying to seduce her. Yes, I can sense she's attractive but I would never whisk her away from her man. Beyond that I have no interest in her. I was just trying to give a nice gesture. Now has Megumi tried to explain to you what happened?" asked Zatōichi.

"Yes," said Sano.

"Then she really loves you. Besides I heard that massage remark she made to you. If that doesn't indicate that she loves you, then nothing will. I can also tell you really love her because of your jealously. And since you love her that means you should trust her. Don't be overprotective about every little thing she does. You have two witnesses here that are giving the same story. I would say that it's probably true. However, I can't force you to believe that. You have to decide for yourself," said Zatōichi.

"I don't know," said Megumi. "Sano's not good at making decisions by himself."

"So Zatōichi, you're fruity then?" asked Sano.

"Oh no. I like women just as much you and Kenshin do…"

"Focus!" shouted Megumi.

"I have reached a conclusion." Sano turned towards Megumi. "I guess you haven't fallen in love with Zatōichi because of free-will or brainwashing. I overreacted and for that I'm sorry." He turned towards Zatōichi. "Sorry for accusing you of coveting my wife. No hard feelings?"

"None at all. The only mistress I have is the dark. She can be cruel but I get along with her just fine," said Zatōichi.

He got up to leave the room. Just as he walking out Sano's pants landed on his head. He threw them down and went back to the Himura household.

"You're still alive?" asked Kenshin.

"Yep. Megumi and Sano are still making up," said Zatōichi.

"It doesn't take that long to say 'I'm sorry'. I got that down to a science," said Kenshin.

Kaoru walked into the room.

"It's chore time, said Kaoru. "Kenshin, clean the dojo floor. Zatōichi, give me a massage and then dust the bedrooms."

Kaoru then waited for Kenshin to respond, but he didn't.

"Aren't you jealous that Zatōichi's going to give me a massage?" said Kaoru.

"No," said Kenshin.

"I can't believe that you don't care at all," said Kaoru. "When Zatōichi offered Megumi a massage, Sano went ballistic."

"What are you talking about?" said Kenshin. "I didn't do anything!"

"Listen, just go and clean the dojo floor."

"Gees, even when I don't do anything I still get in trouble. Women, you can't figure them out." Kenshin then got up and left for the dojo.

Kenshin and Zatōichi worked until lunchtime. They both did their jobs exceptionally well. However, it took Kenshin longer to do his because he kept messing around with Kaoru's bokkens.

Lunch consisted of rice balls filled with seaweed made by Kenshin. After lunch, Zatōichi washed the clothes, Kenshin picked up some fish at the marketplace, and Kenji had to clean out the shed. Nighttime rolled around and everyone was tired.

Zatōichi was lying on his futon trying to sleep when he heard something. He could hear some bushes rumbling. He got up and took his cane. He followed the noise outside and out of the courtyard.

"I know somebody's here," said Zatōichi.

Three shadows arose out of the bushes. One of them was holding an empty sack.

"I can hear something flapping in the wind, perhaps a sack. With the rumbling in the bushes and the nighttime, I would have to say your thieves," said Zatōichi.

"He's onto us," said the first guy. "Let's kill him."

"Look, he has a walking stick," said the second man.

"He must be blind, said the first man.

"This should be quick then," said the second man. "Draw you swords men."

"I'll suffocate you with this sack," said the third man.

With the entire ruckus Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji woke up. They went outside to find Zatōichi engaged in a showdown to the death.

Zatōichi heard them come outside. "Stay back, I'll take care of them."

"Kenshin, help him!" shouted Kaoru.

"Wait. I want to see where this is going," said Kenshin.

"Listen you thieves. These people are poor and have nothing for you to take. But the point is you shouldn't be stealing at all," said Zatōichi.

"He could have said frugal," said Kaoru.

Zatōichi took out his walking stick and pulled a sword from it.

"How original," said Kenshin.

The three thieves charged at Zatōichi ready to chop him into bits. The first guy did a horizontal swipe but Zatōichi fell backwards and evaded it. Then he leaned forward and stabbed his leg. He went down. The second guy went behind Zatōichi to sneak up on him. He heard his footsteps and stabbed backwards puncturing his thigh. He went down. The third guy did a forward chop but Zatōichi deflected with his sheath. In the space he sliced the guy in the shoulder. He went down. The guys got up and ran away leaving a trail of blood behind them.

"How come you didn't kill them?" asked Kenshin. "Don't tell me that Kaoru's peacenik ideas have gotten to you too?"

"No," said Zatōichi. "I didn't want to expose your kid to such violence."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Kenji's been desensitized," said Kenshin.

They went back in to get some well-deserved shuteye. The next morning Kaoru invited Sano and Megumi over for breakfast. They wanted to celebrate Zatōichi saving their hides. There was sushi, noodles, rice, vegetables, and green tea. The food tasted better than usual primarily because everybody was relieved from last night.

"You guys saw the whole incident?" asked Kaoru.

"Uh huh," said Megumi. "Sano and I watched from a crack in our front door. You know Zatōichi, you've got some nice moves?"

"Thank you," said Zatōichi.

Sano turned towards Megumi.

"There not as nice as yours though," said Sano.

Kenshin spit up his noodles.

"How much longer are you going to stay?" asked Kenji.

"I'll probably head out after breakfast, said Zatōichi. "I'm a wanderer so I must keep wandering. There are other people out there who need help just like you guys did. Kenji, Kaoru, and Kenshin, you were great hosts."

He pulled some money form his pocket and gave it to Kaoru.

"Please take this," said Zatōichi. "It should cover the rice paper wall I damaged."

Kenshin started to have a fit.

"I can't believe this guy," said Kenshin. "He stole my wanderer line."

Zatōichi turned his attention towards Sano and Megumi.

"You two are good neighbors and charming people," said Zatōichi. "Now how about that massage Megumi? I think Sano's stable enough to handle it now."

"Sure. I was just going to ask you about that," said Megumi. "How much?"

"It's on the house," said Zatōichi.

He got up and started to give Megumi her massage. As he was doing this, Sano and Kenshin talked to him. They tried to explain to him how he could pickpocket people while giving them a massage. Then they tried to convince him to only give massages to attractive young women. Kaoru gave them a real weird look and then they fell silent.

"What kind of adventures are you going to have now?" asked Kenji.

"What ever one I happened to stumble upon," said Zatōichi. "I must get going now. I don't want to keep the road waiting."

Sano, Megumi, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji saw him out the door.

They all waved and shouted, "Goodbye!"

As Zatōichi was walking through the courtyard he said to himself, "Next I should try and find that land where leprechauns roam."

The End


	13. Episode 13

THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T, THEN ALMOST WAS, BUT THEN DEFINITELY WASN'T

It was a week before Christmas, and it was finally over. Tommy Tallarico and Victor Lucas were finally getting out of prison. They stood outside of the prison gate for quite sometime trying to figure out what to do now.

"This sucks!" said Tommy. "We were in prison so long I forgot what we were doing before we got in this mess. I know! Let's scam people with Three-Card Monty."

"You dolt. That's how we got here in the first place," said Victor. Then he slapped Tommy in the back of the head. "Remember, you, Katsu, and I went around scamming people with Three-Card Monty but then you and me got arrested."

"Oh yeah," Said Tommy. "So…how come there were no women on our cell block? When I go to prison I expect some babes with it."

"There were women on our cell block," said Victor.

"That's disturbing," said Tommy

Eventually they both decided to head down to the marketplace. They wanted to see how different things have become while they were in prison.

"Can you believe it Vic?" said Tommy. We're ex-cons. Now when we get in trouble we can say we're readjusting back to civilian life, so it's not our fault. We're invincible!"

"I wouldn't be saying that to loud Tommy," said Victor.

Down the street Megumi and Kaoru were walking. They were doing some pre-Christmas shopping for themselves. Tommy and Victor took notice and started leering at them. Megumi and Kaoru didn't notice them but walked past them.

"It's time for another round of Judgment Day," said Tommy.

"Today in versus its Megumi up against Kaoru, so what did you think of Kaoru Tommy?"

"Not bad. She appears to be low maintenance and plain, assertive, but a little to manly for me," said Tommy.

"I would have to say average also. Being generous to people is her strong point though. Overall nothing special but she's cute in her own little way. She can't cook and that's going to hurt her a bit. Now what about Megumi?"

"Let me tell you. This isn't a fair fight. Megumi is a synonym for the word beauty. She's almost so hot that she invents her own grade. She's also a doctor! Not to mention her cooking's great. This has to be a scam," said Tommy.

"This is the quality that all women should have. She never fails to amaze us time and time again. So what would you give Kaoru?" asked Victor.

"A 7.0 out of 10," said Tommy.

"I give her a 7.5 and Megumi?"

"A score I rarely give. A 10 out of 10!"

"I give her a 10 also," said Victor. "Let's recap."

**Kaoru**

Tommy: 7.0

Victor: 7.5

_Hits_

_Misses_

+ Not over the top

- Too manly (especially for Tommy)

+ Simple

- A bit immature

+ Assertive

- Nothing special

+ Generous with people

- Can't cook

**Megumi**

Tommy: 10

Victor: 10

_Hits_

_Misses_

+ Spectacular graphics

- She lacks the ability to turn stuff into gold

+ A doctor

+ Devious like a fox

+ Can cook

"Who are those nutcases?" asked Kaoru.

"I don't know but let's not get involved. I have some more shopping to do. I only have 168 hours to prepare myself for Christmas. Sorry Kaoru, looks like there isn't enough time for you," chuckled Megumi.

"Hardy har har you piece of eye candy. At least people base me off of my personality and attitude, not how much sexiness I'm packing."

"And you have neither so you're screwed," said Megumi.

After shopping for several hours they decided to retire because they figured Kenshin and Sano were having too much fun. On the way home they noticed that Victor and Tommy were following them. At first they thought Tommy and Victor were stupid and accidentally were doing it. It then hit them they were purposely following them.

Megumi and Kaoru got back to the dojo and quick ran inside. Katsu was over showing Kenji how to properly throw a bomb.

"Accuracy is everything kid," said Katsu. "What you're aiming here is for a kill shot."

"Katsu! You have to help us," said Megumi as she panted. "Some freaks followed us home and keep leering at us. Can you protect us?"

"Sure ladies. You came to the right man," said Katsu.

Just then Tommy and Victor knocked on the door. Katsu opened the door to find them standing there. He let them in.

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Tommy Tallarico and Victor Lucas. These are my friends."

Kaoru pointed at them. "These perverts are your friends. They judged us like pieces of meat and then stalked us."

"Sounds about right. Don't worry they're harmless," said Katsu.

He turned to Tommy and Victor.

"I haven't seen you guys in along time," said Katsu. "Come on, let's catch up on old times."

"Only if we can come back to visit the babes," said Tommy.

"Yeah," said Victor.

"Sure. You guys can hang out with us during Christmas."

All three of them left the Kamiya dojo. Kaoru went off to look for Kenshin. She found him digging through the bedroom closet. She came up to him and put her arms around him. She then kissed him on the cheek.

"Not now Kaoru, you'd think by now we could get our drives in sync," said Kenshin.

"I didn't mean that! I just wanted to say hello. So how's your Christmas shopping coming along," asked Kaoru.

"Fine and dandy. Couldn't be better."

"That's good." Kaoru left the room.

"Oh crap," said Kenshin in his mind. "I spent all my allowance on novelty clothes. I don't think Kaoru would appreciate the 'Women: Keeping men from having fun for over 50 years!' shirt. I know I'll go to Sano. If he can't help I'll pin this on him."

Kenshin fetched Sano from the kitchen and they started on their journey for presents.

"Relax Kenshin. I have enough money for both of us. I can't imagine Megumi asking for a lot of stuff or expensive stuff," said Sano.

"You forgot lots of expensive stuff," said Kenshin. "I hate Christmas. All it does is drain men of their sanity and make us poor. Women get all the lavish and elaborate gifts and we get nothing. Then they try to make us feel better by saying 'Christmas is about giving things to people, not getting things from people', 'it's about being with friends and family,' or 'it's the thought that counts.' That's what's wrong with society today. Christmas used to be about the presents, now it's about women."

"I hear that Kenshin," said Sano. He took out Megumi's Christmas list. "Let's see here: an amber necklace from Poland, some chocolate from France, a fur coat made from chinchillas from America, and a quilt from the Amish country. This is going to be mission impossible and these look expensive. You're on your own buddy."

Sano waved bye to Kenshin as he ran ahead into the crowd and vanished. Kenshin just stood there thinking about how Kaoru was going to put his ass in the fire if he didn't get any gifts.

"Well it looks like I have to get a…job," Kenshin said to himself.

Kenshin stood on a corner of the street that that led into the center of the marketplace. He was holding an empty jar pretending to be blind. A wealthy government official walked past him.

"Can you spare me some money Mr.?" asked Kenshin.

The man ignored him.

"You look wealthy to me with your fancy black suit and polished shoes, " said Kenshin. Oh crap, I shouldn't have said that!"

Realizing that he was in hot water, he decided to give up what little dignity he had left. He went over to the Hadouken bar and jigged like he never jigged before. The crowd cheered him on and threw money at him. Scruffy was watching out from behind the bar and shook his head.

"How embarrassing," said Scruffy. He then bent down to pick a towel off the floor and his pants ripped.

Sano appeared out in front of the crowd.

"Do the moonwalk!" he yelled. Then he threw a coin at Kenshin. It hit him in the head.

"Ow!" screamed Kenshin.

Sano ran out of the bar as fast as he could.

When he ran outside he passed Katsu, Tommy, and Victor, who were walking down the street.

"So what do you guys want to do now?" asked Katsu.

"How about going to the Hadouken bar to pick up chicks?" asked Tommy.

"We did that three times already," said victor. And each time you go in there you make up a fake identity. First you said you were the emperor of Japan, then you said you were Max Power the ultimate love machine, and finally you said you were Captain Dan the blood thirsty pirate from the Bermuda Triangle."

"I know, you guys can come over to my house and play cards," said Katsu.

All three of them went back to Katu's dinky apartment to play cards.

"You guys can stay here until you find your own place," said Katsu as they all sat down in a circle.

"Will we all even be able to fit in here?" asked Tommy.

Victor smacked him in the back of the head.

"You idiot!" said Victor. "Of course we'll fit. We're in here, aren't we?"

"Oh yeah," said Tommy.

Meanwhile, Sano was running around the marketplace like an idiot trying to complete the Christmas list from hell.

"No," said Sano sarcastically to himself. "Megumi can't ask for stuff that a normal person would ask for. She has to ask for stuff only God himself could obtain. All I can say is that, she owes me big time if I can complete this list. Hey, I bet Megumi purposely made this list hard so I couldn't complete it. This way she has a reason to yell at me on Christmas."

Sano went to the Kikouken because he thought Tomoe could help him on his mighty quest.

"Hey Tomoe," said Sano, "Can you help me find this stuff on Megumi's Christmas list? I don't know where to look. Actually, a better question would be if this stuff even exists in the first place. "

"Sure," said Tomoe.

Sano gave the list to her and she looked it over.

"Okay, said Tomoe, "I have the necklace and the fur coat, but that's all. In order to get the other things, you'll have to go to these places."

Tomoe gave him the names of all the places he had to go to.

"Thanks," said Sano. He then dashed out of the shop as fast as he could.

While running down the street, he ran into Kenshin.

"Hey," said Sano, "How's you panhandling going?"

"Great," said Kenshin. "I made enough money to actually buy some gifts. I'm now on my way home because Karou's making her awful miso soup again. Believe me, I would like to play hooky, but the last time I tried that, it didn't end up so well."

"Yeah," said Sano, "You got to admit that was pretty funny when you couldn't sit down for a week."

"Shut up Sano," said Kenshin. "Well, I have to go now. See ya later."

"Bye," said Sano.

Kenshin walked back home as slow as possible because he wanted to avoid Kaoru's cooking as much as possible. Kenshin then walked inside and went into the kitchen. Kenji and Kaoru were already sitting at the table.

Kenshin said down next to Kenji.

"What do you want for Christmas," asked Kenshin.

" I want an X-Box," said Kenji.

"You can't have that," said Kenshin. "First, we can't afford it. Second, where would we plug it in? We don't have any outlets. Third, it hasn't even been invented yet."

During dinner it started to snow. At first is was mild and hypnotizing, then it became intense and intoxicating. A white light of snow draped all over Tokyo. It was a winter wonderland…in hell. The winds picked up and the wind chill was bad.

At Katsu's house, the guys got done with playing cards. Now Tommy and Victor were listening to Katsu explain all his caricatures. Katsu pulled out one at a time and gave his reasons for making them, as well as possible interpretations. Tommy and Victor just sat there like zombies watching him.

"What happened?" asked Victor in his mind. "Katsu's a sissy. I thought he was going to break out plans that showed how he makes his cool bombs."

"I'm so bored right now," said Tommy in his mind. "Reading a book about the man who wrote the dictionary sounds good."

"Guys you awake?" asked Katsu.

He snapped his fingers at them.

"Now that that's out of the way," said Katsu," I can regale you with Captain Sagara stories."

"Is their violence and action in these?" asked Tommy.

"Enough to desensitize you my dear boys," said Katsu.

All of a sudden a barrage of noises came about. Victor jumped off the floor and rushed to the door. He opened it to find Yahiko and Kenji throwing snowballs at the house.

He shouted at them, "You damn punks! If you don't stop that I'll come over and snowball you with snowballs…that are made out of snow!"

Yahiko looked at Kenji.

"I can't even respond to something that dumb," said Yahiko. "Let's go."

They went back to their house where they declared was on each other. They had a huge snowball fight that started out in the courtyard and eventually made its way out into the streets. A blur of snow was flying everywhere. A little while into the action Lord Yamagata appeared. He was walking down the street with no bodyguards or anything, just whistling.

Kenji and Yahiko ducked behind the walls of the courtyard. They built up an arsenal of snowballs and waited. When Lord Yamagata got in range Kenji yelled, "Fire!"

They jumped out from behind the wall and pelted Lord Yamagata with snowballs. After a few seconds Lord Yamagata was covered in white. He stood there for a moment and then toppled over onto his back. His left leg twitched for a moment and then stopped.

Yahiko sighed and said, "I love the smell of frozen dihydrogen monoxide in the morning."

"I think he's dead, Yahiko," said Kenji.

They both stared at his body for a moment and then ran away screaming at the top of their lungs. They ran into the kitchen of the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin and Kaoru were sitting at the table drinking some tea. Kenji and Yahiko ran passed them simultaneously yelling, "We killed Lord Yamagata!"

In a flash they were in the back of the house. Kaoru got a weird look on her face and asked Kenshin, "What did they say?"

"Something about killing Lord Wide-bottom," said Kenshin.

"Works for me," said Kaoru as she shrugged her shoulders.

At Megumi's house, she was having a panic attack because she couldn't decide on what to wear for Christmas. There were a few days left before Christmas, but something happened and Megumi lost her sense of time.

She kept rummaging through her closet and kept trying on kimonos, but she couldn't find anything she liked.

She then found a pink one with a white obi that she had never seen before. (Megumi had so many clothes in her closet that she hasn't seen all of them yet.) She put it on to see how it looked.

Sano, completely oblivious to everything, came into the room.

"Sano," said Megumi, "How does this look on me?"

"I personally think that you look the best when you don't have any clothes on at all," said Sano.

"Seriously," said Megumi. "I need to find a kimono for Christmas, so I need some opinions, and be honest."

"Okay," said Sano. "That kimono makes you look fat."

"What!" shouted Megumi.

"Well, you told me to be honest. It makes you look like a sausage."

"You idiot! Don't you know that you're not supposed to be honest if it will hurt the other person's feelings?"

"Then what is the point of being honest then? Okay, it looks fine. It doesn't make you look fat. I was only being a jerk."

The next day, Kenji and Yahiko were trying to build a snowman behind Kaoru's dojo, but it just wasn't working.

"The snow in this area isn't packing well," said Yahiko. "Let's try the snow over by the wall."

They went over by the wall. When they got there, they found some odd looking snow. It was yellow instead of white.

"Let's eat it," said Kenji. "I bet it tastes like a banana."

"Yeah," said Yahiko, "Or a lemon."

When they were about to scoop a big glob of yellow snow into their hands, Kenshin came up to them.

"Whoa, you guys," said Kenshin. "You don't want to eat that."

"Why?" asked Yahiko.

"Well, what do you think, Einstein?" said Kenshin.

Yahiko and Kenji both looked at the yellow snow. They then cringed their faces and said "ew."

Yahiko then had an idea. He picked some of it up and threw it at Kenshin. It hit him in the face.

"Ah!" yelled Kenshin as he put his hands up to his face and stumbled around. "I think some of it got in my eye!"

"Run," screamed Yahiko.

Kenji and Yahiko then ran for the dojo as fast as they could.

Kenshin then tripped on his own foot and he fell face first in the snow.

He lifted his head up and said, "Come back here you cowards! You will pay for this! You will pay!"

After Kenshin got himself up, he went inside to clean himself off.

Sano and Megumi then came up to the house because Megumi finally had enough of Sano's stupidity. She bought some of her kimonos along because she felt that it was time for her to get some female advice on what she should wear for Christmas. Sano rapped on the door, and Kaoru came and opened it up.

"Kaoru, could you give me some advice on what kimono I should wear for Christmas?" said Megumi. "I need somebody who has some kind of a fashion sense."

"Sure," said Kaoru. "Come right in."

"Who's at the door?" said Kenshin as he walked up to it.

"Its Sano and Megumi," said Kaoru. "Megumi needs my help to pick out a kimono for Christmas."

"Gotcha," said Kenshin, "Stupid girly things that I don't care about."

"Let's go Megumi," said Kaoru irritated. "Let's leave 'Sergeant Small Mind' with his sidekick 'Private halfwit."

They then took off for the master bedroom.

"Want to go play in the snow?" asked Sano.

"Aren't we a little old for that?" asked Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Sano.

"Let's do it then!" said Kenshin.

Sano and Kenshin ran outside to play in the snow.

After around twenty minuets, Megumi and Kaoru came outside to see what their husbands were up too.

"Thanks for helping me pick out my kimono for Christmas," said Megumi. "I think the dark blue one with the green obi was the best choice."

"Forget about it," said Kaoru. "It was no problem. It gave us a chance to spend quality time together and to complain about our husbands."

They then sat around and watched Kenshin and Sano throw snowballs at each other.

"Can this get anymore embarrassing?" said Megumi.

Just then, Kenshin ripped off his pants (His underwear was still on. Sorry ladies!) and then filled them full of snow. He then threw it at Sano.

"I'm sorry I said that," said Megumi has she put her hand on her forehead.

"You moron!" screamed Kaoru as she sat up. "Put your pants back on this instant!"

"Gees," said Kenshin to himself as he put his pants back on. "We're just having some fun. Wait, that's the reason why Kaoru is mad at me."

Sano and Kenshin got huge frowns on their faces and slowly walked back into the dojo. After warming up with some tea and blankets, Sano and Megumi went back to their house. The night progressed and eventually everybody went to sleep. The days and nights passed as usual until it was Christmas day.

In the Himura household, Kenshin and his family were exchanging gifts in the living room. Kenshin had a big sack of packages underneath the tree and started to hand them out.

When Kenji got his gifts he opened them as fast as he could. He got some boots and a sweater from Kaoru. From Kenshin he got a silver-plated chalice and the Dungeons and Dragons board game. Kenshin got a straight razor and hand guards from Kaoru. He got an abacus and wallet from Kenji. Kaoru got a cheesy romance novel, a silk laced nighttime kimono, and raspberry scented body lotion from Kenshin. Kenji got her a vanilla scented candle and a sundial.

At the Sagara household things were just as interesting. Megumi got everything from her list. She got Sano a caricature of Captain Sagara, a polishing agent for his zanbatou, a headband, and a dream-catcher.

Even at Katsu's house there was gift-giving going on. Katsu got a set of loaded dice and gambling chips from Tommy. He got a slab of beef and a derby hat from Victor. Katsu got Tommy some bombs and a scythe. Victor got bombs too but he got a spear instead.

The Christmas party at the Himura household was to start at 5:00 P.M. Megumi and Sano came over at 4:00 though so he could help Kaoru prepare the feast. Sano and Kenshin were in the living room setting up the refreshments. Kenshin was getting the eggnog ready.

"Kaoru make that eggnog?" asked Sano.

"Yep," said Kenshin.

"Then we must make it FDA approved," said Sano.

He took out a bottle of liqueur and poured it in the eggnog.

"Kenshin!" screamed Kaoru from the kitchen. "Get the swordfish because Megumi and I have got our hands full!"

Kenshin walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bucket and walked outside. He started to fill the bucket up with snow and brought it back in.

Kaoru looked at the bucket and said, "What in the hell is that? I told you to get the swordfish Kenshin."

"I did. We're going to have snow swordfish," said Kenshin.

Kaoru put her hands on her hips.

"We have real food Kenshin," said Kaoru.

"How was I supposed to know that," said Kenshin under his breath.

At 5:00 the guests started to arrive. Dr. Genzai came with his two grandchildren, Katsu came with Tommy and Victor, and Yahiko came.

When Dr. Genzai walked into the living room Yahiko said, "Is that Santa? Wait, that's just Dr. Genzai. Why do all fat old men look the same?"

During the dinner feast everybody chatted and goofed around as usual. As for the food, it was average. Since Kaoru can't cook well and Megumi cooks really well, the food turned out to be somewhere in the middle.

In the middle of dinner Kenshin got the idea to do a toast. He stood up with his saké glass and said, "Pipe down you pompous windbags. I just wanted to say…wait a second, why are we celebrating Christmas? We're Buddhists."

The End


	14. Episode 14

Season 2

THE SON WE NEVER HAD

It was suppertime once again at Kaoru's dojo. This time Kaoru tried something new, which is never the best choice for her. She tried to replicate the beef-hot pot at the Akabeko. The problem was that she replicated everything about the food, except the taste.

"This stuff's gross," said Kenji. "The meat doesn't taste right. It tastes rotten or something. Hey dad, did you know that mom couldn't cook before you married her?"

"Yes," said Kenshin.

"Then why did you marry her?" asked Kenji.

"I guess," said Kenshin, "Because all her positive qualities outweighed her terrible cooking skills. Now as I think about, what were her positive qualities anyway? It's been so long since I've seem them that I forgot what they were."

"I'm right here, morons!" said Kaoru infuriated. "Listen, there's not one single thing wrong with my beef-hot pot. Its…"

"Yeah," said Kenji, "There are many things wrong with it."

"Good one," said Kenshin.

He then gave Kenji a high five.

Kaoru decided to switch the topic of conversation because she realized that she couldn't win.

"Listen Kenji," said Kaoru, "Kenshin and I will be leaving for the Cranberry Festival tomorrow. So…"

"I know, I know," said Kenji. "That's all you've been talking about for the past week."

"Let me finish," said Kaoru. "We will get up at 7:00 in the morning and then we'll drop you off by Sano and Megumi's."

"Oh, yeah." said Kenshin. "One last thing: when you're over there, cause as much trouble as you want to."

"No!" said Kaoru. "Don't listen to your father. When you're over there, I expect you behave. Basically, do the complete opposite of what you normally do."

"Fine," said Kenji as he had his fingers crossed behind his back.

The next day at 7:00 in the morning everyone got up like they were supposed to mainly because Kaoru told them they had to. Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji put their entire luggage together. They all then ate some crappy rice balls filled with seaweed (prepared by you know who).

After breakfast, Kenshin and Kaoru went to drop Kenji off at Sano and Megumi's. Out on their porch, Kaoru started to tell Megumi what she was supposed to do to take of Kenji.

Kenshin got impatient and said, "Kaoru, she's a doctor. I think she knows what to do. Let's get going."

"Kenshin's right," said Megumi. "Sano and I know what to do. You don't have to worry."

While waiting there, Kenji just thought of a question.

"Dad," said Kenji. "How come I'm not going to the Cranberry Festival with you guys?"

"That's because," said Kenshin, "You'd be bored out of your mind."

"Well then, why are you going?" asked Kenji.

"Well, I'm going," said Kenshin, "Because your mom gave me two choices. I could either go to this stupid festival with her or I could die. But sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision."

"Oh, stop your complaining, Kenshin," said Kaoru. "The Cranberry Festival will be fun."

"Yeah right," muttered Kenshin.

"Be a good boy," said Kaoru as she knelt down, hugged Kenji, and kissed him on the cheek."

"Come on Kenshin," said Kaoru as she stood up. "Let's get a move on so we don't miss our train."

"Maybe it'll be attacked by pirates like in episode 22. Remember that Kaoru?"

"Yes, Kenshin," said Kaoru annoyed.

"Man, that episode was a classic," said Kenshin. "They just don't write them like that anymore."

"Yeah, but the animation was weird though," said Kaoru.

Kenshin and Kaoru then left for the train station.

"So, now what do we do?" asked Sano.

"Well, I'm going to work," said Megumi.

"Yeah, but what do I get to do?" said Sano.

"You get to watch Kenji," said Megumi. "I'll see you guys later tonight."

She hugged Sano and kissed him on the cheek. She then left for the clinic.

"Okay," said Sano as he turned to Kenji, "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Buy me stuff?" said Kenji.

"Nice try," said Sano.

They both pretty much spent the day doing nothing. Sano took Kenji to the lake so they could fish. They ended up catching nothing because they forgot to put bait on their hooks. It took them two hours to figure that out. They then tried to clean the house, but they lost interest fast and ended up playing cards instead.

At the clinic, Megumi was just about finished with her work. She finished up the last patient and sent them on their way. Her and Dr. Genzai then closed up the place and left.

When Megumi got into the house, she found Sano having Kenji in a headlock.

"What are you doing?" asked Megumi.

"We're just playing around," said Sano as let go of Kenji.

Kenji then fell to the floor.

"Well, knock it off," said Megumi. "I don't anybody to get hurt. I take care of enough injured people at the clinic. I'm now going to go make dinner. Come on Kenji, you can help me."

Kenji got off the floor and followed Megumi into the kitchen.

Megumi and Kenji made some fish stir-fry. Kenji was intrigued by it because it looked better than his mom's cooking.

They all sat around their table and began to eat the food.

Kenji took one bite of it and went ballistic.

"Wow," said Kenji. "This food has a particular taste, but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"I think I know what it is," said Sano. "It has a good taste."

"That's right," said Kenji.

"Oh, come on now," said Megumi. "Your mom's cooking isn't that bad."

"Yes it is," said Kenji. "Yesterday, she tried to make beef-hot pot like they do at the Akabeko, and it sucked. She can't even replicate existing recipes correctly."

Sano then had an idea (yes, that's possible).

"Hey Kenji," said Sano. "Since you're our guest and everything, want some saké?"

"Sure," said Kenji.

"No way," said Megumi. "You're too young, and besides, I don't think Kaoru would appreciate it if we let you do stuff like that."

"Come on," said Sano. "It won't hurt him. I drank saké as a kid and looked what I turned into."

"Bad example," said Megumi. "Alcohol is not good for a person his age. Since he hasn't fully developed yet, the alcohol would hurt him more than an adult. Remember, I'm a doctor."

"Oh…now since you're a doctor," said Sano sarcastically, "You automatically know everything."

"That was one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Listen, you're not going to give Kenji any saké. We're supposed to be responsible adults and take care of him. Kaoru trusts us, and I don't want to let her down. We're not going to screw this up. Got it?"

"Yes dear. Do you know that you can suck the fun out of anything?"

"Of course, that's my job."

After supper, Kenji helped Megumi clean the dishes, while Sano just sat around like a bum and read the newspaper.

After they were done washing the dishes, Megumi went up to Sano. She then grabbed the newspaper from him and whacked him in the head with it.

"Ah," said Sano as he rubbed his head. "What was that for?"

"Kenji helps more around the house than you do," said Megumi.

"He's our guest," said Sano. "He's supposed to be polite and help with the chores."

"Well, you live here," said Megumi. "That means that you should be doing more than he does then."

When it got to be around bedtime, Sano got Kenji ready for bed.

He got out an extra futon that they kept for scenarios like this. He pulled it out from a closet and he threw it in the living room.

"Why can't I sleep in your bedroom," asked Kenji.

"I wish I could tell you, but I can't," said Sano.

"How come?" said Kenji.

"Undisclosed reasons," said Sano. "But I can tell you a bedtime story."

"Okay," said Kenji.

He then got under the covers.

Sano then told him a tale, a tale of Captain Sagara and the Sekihoutai. This whole saga took a half hour to get through.

Around 10:00 pm Sano came bounding into the bedroom. He found Megumi under the covers, reading a book.

"Sorry, I'm late Meg," said Sano. "I had to tell Kenji a bedtime story."

"You didn't tell him a story about Captain Sagara or the Sekihoutai, did you?" asked Megumi as she looked up from her book.

"Of course I did," said Sano.

"Great," said Megumi, "Now he's going to have nightmares. Sano, you know how I don't approve of you telling those stories to kids due to their violent content."

"Well, I don't approve of you reading those stupid romance novels. They're perverted and full of smut."

"No, they're not. They're very well-written."

"Oh, yeah right!" said Sano as he laughed.

"Stop it," said Megumi frustrated. "You just better hope and pray that he doesn't have any nightmares."

Megumi then blew out the candle she was using and put her head on the pillow.

Sano lay down right behind her and put his arms around her. They then both drifted off to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Kenji came into their room. He went up to Megumi and shook her. Megumi opened one eye slightly.

"What is it?" said Megumi.

"I had a nightmare," said Kenji.

"Let me guess, the execution of Captain Sagara," said Megumi.

"Yes," said Kenji.

"Listen, you'll be fine. Just forget about it and go back to bed."

Kenji slowly walked back to his bed.

Megumi then kicked Sano in the gut with her foot. He fell out of bed and groaned, "Ah, my crap factory."

The next morning was a typical one. Megumi, Sano, and Kenji ate breakfast together. Megumi made ohagi and sweet potatoes. Kenji thought it was delicious and it didn't make him throw up either. There was even conversation.

"Sano, please do something productive with Kenji today," said Megumi.

"Okay, something constructive. How about going shopping?" asked Sano.

"Sounds harmless enough," said Megumi.

Megumi finished eating, waved goodbye, and went off to work.

"Come on Kenji, we're going shopping," said Sano.

"I'm good at that," said Kenji. "I would always go shopping with mom."

"That was women's shopping. I'm going to give you a lesson in men's shopping."

Sano and Kenji went to the marketplace. They wandered around for hours going to various shops.

"Where's you list Mr. Sagara?" said Kenji.

"First off, call me Sano kid. This is the Meji period. Kids call adults by their first names now. And your question, I don't have a list. You see it doesn't matter because no matter what we buy, it won't be the right thing," said Sano.

They bought seaweed, beef, eggplants, rice, flour, sugar, and nutmeg (who knows). They then went around window-shopping. One of their stops was the Kikouken.

"Hello Sano," said Tomoe. "And what is Kenji doing with you today?"

"He's staying with us while his parents are going to some lame cranberry festival," said Sano.

"That sounds…um…fun," said Tomoe. So what are you looking for?" asked Tomoe.

"Something free," said Sano.

Sano and Tomoe laughed for a minute.

"No seriously, buy something of get out you bum," said Tomoe.

Sano and Kenji left the store. They went down to the caricature stand. Sano was digging around to find more of Katsu's work. Kenji just stood there bored but something caught his eye. He went to pick it up and it was an erotic caricature. Then he found the whole section of this caricature. He started going through everything.

After a couple of minutes, Sano wanted to leave. "Kenji, let's go."

Kenji ignored him and kept looking at the caricatures.

"Come on boy," said Sano.

He grabbed him by his collar and dragged him away from the stand.

Kenji yelped, "Uh!"

They headed down to the Hadouken. Sano and Kenji pulled up a seat next to the bar. Scruffy was shinning some glasses then moseyed his way over.

"Aren't you Himura's kid?" asked Scruffy.

"Yep. I'll take a shot of your strongest stuff," said Kenji.

"You're to young for alcohol. Let's see if I have anything that isn't alcoholic."

He dug around behind the counter for a while.

"Aha! I have some flavoring that I mix with drinks. That's alcohol free," said Scruffy.

"Pure flavoring? Isn't that like syrup?" asked Sano.

"Yeah, but kids like that stuff. Now what do ya want?" asked Scruffy.

"Give me a Haiku Martini, shaken not stirred," said Sano.

The two of them drank merrily until Sano decided it was time to go home. When they got home Kenji thought it would be a nice gesture to make dinner tonight. Sano got some fish from the icebox, thawed it out, and threw it on the grill. He and Kenji sat there starring at it for along time.

"Is it done now?" asked Kenji.

"No," said Sano.

"Is it done now?"

"No."

"Is it done now?"

"No."

"Is it done now?"

"No."

"Is it done now?"

"No."

"Is it done now?"

"No! It will never be done!" shouted Sano.

At 5:30 P.M. Megumi walked in the door. She went to put her stuff away in the bedroom and then came into the kitchen.

"I smell food. Sano, did you cook dinner for us?"

"Yep. It's fish. We're also going to have some seaweed and rice on the side."

"That's good. I'm not in the mood to cook right now. Today was horrible. Dr. Genzai got his stethoscope stuck around his neck and almost choked to death. Then a patient came in saying he accidentally fell on a sword while he was shopping. It was hard to believe him when the sword-police were in the waiting room waiting for him," said Megumi.

"Don't worry Megumi," said Sano. "Kenji and I had enough fun today for all three of us."

Megumi gave him a real stern look.

"At least you got the shopping done," she said.

"I don't want to alarm anybody, but the fish's head's on fire," said Kenji.

Sano quickly patted out the flames. He threw it on a plate while Kenji got the rice and seaweed. They sat down to a relaxing dinner again. After dinner Kenji went to read a book. He found Megumi's stash of romance novels. He picked when up when Sano walked into the room. Sano screamed "No!" as he leaped into the air. He hit the book out of Kenji's hand and tackled him to the ground.

Sano sat up.

"That was close," he said.

"My head," said Kenji. "I always thought adults wanted kids to read more."

Everybody went to bed at 10:00 P.M. Kenji was tucked in and sound asleep. Megumi was lying on her bed resting from a hard day of work. Sano came into the bedroom after a getting a drink of water. He lied down next to Megumi.

"Megumi, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Sano.

"No, but I still know what you're thinking and the answer is no," said Megumi.

"Why not?" asked Sano.

"Because there is somebody else in the house besides us. Also, this person's a kid. It would be too awkard," said Megumi.

"Hey, you always said you wanted to make it more exciting. Now I'm sure this counts," said Sano.

"Let me think. He's asleep and it's not like he is right here bunking with us. I guess this could work as long as we don't get too wild," said Megumi.

"That's the spirit," said Sano.

He then put his arms around Megumi and started to take off her nightgown.

The next morning, Megumi was in the kitchen eating breakfast. Kenji came into the kitchen yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"I heard some strange noises last night," said Kenji. "I think your house is haunted with ghosts."

Megumi got a very shocked look on her face and she almost spit out the tea that she was drinking.

Sano then came into the kitchen.

"Ghosts?" yelled Sano. "Megumi, man the starboard. Kenji, get my zanbatou. We won't let the ghosts win without a fight!"

Megumi turned her attention to Kenji.

"That reminds me," she said, "I better get ready for work. You two have fun, okay?"

Megumi prepared her things and left. Sano spent the morning playing cards with Kenji.

After two hours Kenji got crabby.

"I'm bored Sano," said Kenji. "Can we do something else?"

"Sure," said Sano. "How about we meet Megumi for lunch. We'll make something and drop in on her as a surprise."

"That's sounds fun," said Kenji.

At noon Sano and Kenji took their picnic basket and went over to Megumi's office. When they got to the clinic, they went into her office. She was at her desk writing something down.

"Hey Meg. Thought we'd drop by," said Sano.

Megumi turned around.

"Oh no. Sano, did you whack yourself in the gonads again? Or did you poke Kenji in the eye?" asked Megumi.

"Not this time," said Sano. "We came over to see if you'd be interested in having lunch with us."

"That sounds delightful," said Megumi.

Kenji noticed a jar and tried to drink from it.

"Don't drink that," said Megumi. "It's a laxative. And Sano quit playing with the gauze, there not earmuffs."

As they left the building, Dr. Genzai saw them.

"Have fun Megumi," said Dr. Genzai. "By the way, have you seen my surgical tools? I'm itching do some slicing."

"Let me think. Oh yeah, they're in the sink in the operating room. I was sanitizing them," said Megumi.

"Thanks. One last thing, starting next week all puncture wound treatments are half price!" shouted Dr. Genzai.

Megumi, Sano, and Kenji went outside and ate lunch under a large cheery tree. Later Sano and Kenji went home.

At 6:00 P.M. Megumi got home. She walked into the living room to find Sano sitting on his futon and Kenji standing next to him with a cup of saké on his head.

"Take that off his head Sano," said Megumi. "Kenji is not a cup holder. Here's an idea, why don't the two of you get some house cleaning done?"

"Good idea," said Sano. He turned towards Kenji. "You, outhouse detail now."

"Hold on a second," said Megumi. "He's our guest. Don't treat him like Kenshin does. I was thinking he could help dust the bedrooms. You can clean the outhouse."

While Kenji was dusting in the master bedroom, he discovered Megumi's breast tape in the closet. He picked it up and started playing with it. Just then Sano walked by carrying a plunger.

He muttered to himself, "Damn spicy sushi. That's the last time I eat that again."

He noticed Kenji and said, "Be careful with that because it's Megumi's breast tape. Also, make sure she doesn't catch you."

Kenji's eyes got really big. He shouted, "My innocence is gone!"

Three hours went by before they were finally done. Megumi found them lying in the living room on the floor moaning.

"I can't feel my arms," whined Kenji.

"I can't feel my legs," whined Sano. "Megumi please put us out of our misery. You're a doctor so I'm sure you know how to kill people."

She went over to them and examined them. "You're fine. Well you two better get to bed because we have to get up early to drop Kenji back off at his house."

"Kenshin and Kaoru are coming back tomorrow? Man the time flies when you're busy bossing around your slave boy," said Sano.

"I'm not your slave!" shouted Kenji. "I'm going to tell on you."

"Go ahead, like Kenshin would care," said Sano.

"Touché," said Kenji.

The next morning Sano, Megumi, and Kenji got up at 8:00 A.M. They went over to the Kamiya dojo at 9:00 A.M.

Kaoru answered the door at let them in. They all went to the kitchen and had hot tea.

"So did you have fun?" asked Sano.

"I tried to escape everyday but I couldn't. Kaoru kept tricking me with stuff that sounded fun but never turned out to actually be fun," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin's just crabby because we didn't stay longer," said Kaoru.

"Did you bring me back something?" asked Kenji.

"Yes we did," said Kenshin. "You got a cranberry statue in the shape of a tanuki. It's in your room."

"How did watching Kenji go?" asked Kaoru.

"It went fine," said Megumi. "When I was home he was polite, helpful, and never got in the way."

"I thought hanging out with Kenji would've been lame but he can be pretty cool," said Sano.

"We did all kinds of fun stuff that Sano said I shouldn't tell you about," said Kenji.

Kaoru and Kenshin looked at each other.

"You know what, I'm going to pretend I never heard that," said Kaoru. "I don't want to spoil my good mood."

Sano smacked Kenji in the back of the head and said, "You almost blew it."

Megumi then smacked Sano in the back of the head and said, "I'll interrogate you later."

The End


	15. Episode 15

DIAGNOSIS: PARANOIA

It was a sunny calm day without any wind. Since the time was 9:45 A.M, Kaoru was on her way to the dojo to teacher her class. When she reached the door, she saw all of her students standing there looking into the dojo. Kaoru went passed them and went inside. Kenji was sprawled out on the mat in the center of the room with all his stuff around him. He was fast asleep. Kaoru went up to him and nudged him until he woke.

"Kenji," Kaoru said. "What's going on? Why are you in here with all your stuff?"

"Dad banished me from the house for all eternity. Apparently I disgraced his god, the almighty belt, by using it as a whip."

"That cheap thing," said Kaoru. "I was planning on throwing it away. You know he hasn't cleaned it in about a year."

"Uh!" yelled Kenji.

Kaoru stormed out of the dojo back to the house. She found Kenshin sitting on his futon scratching his butt. She whacked him on the head with a bokken. He fell over barely conscious. Kaoru walked away without saying one word.

Kenshin said to himself, "Women, you can't live them because they'll kill you and you can't live without them because you'll die sad and alone."

He got off the floor and went outside. After a minute of rubbing his head he went over to Sano's house. He knocked on the door and Sano answered it.

"Sano, I have a question," said Kenshin. "How do you deal with a woman who beats the crap out of you on a daily basis."

"I can't help you," said Sano. "When I do something wrong I get a spanking, you know what I mean?" asked Sano.

"If I wanted to talk with the love doctor I'd consult Megumi. You're my friend so you're supposed to automatically take my side," said Kenshin.

"I can't help it if my marriage is perfect. Now go away before you sour mine," said Sano. He shut the door on Kenshin.

At the clinic Megumi, was as busy as ever. All morning people kept coming in. One person had a sprained ankle, another had a cut on their head, and one person had a sore back.

"There you go," said Megumi. "Next time you see a spoiled rice ball on the floor, don't eat it."

The patient left the room. Then the next patient walked in.

"What can I do for…Dr. Gensai?" asked Megumi.

"I accidentally stabbed myself again," said Dr. Gensai. He was holding his stomach.

"Were you trying to operate on somebody while being blindfolded again?" asked Megumi.

"I don't tell you how to do your job, actually I do. But you're not allowed to tell me how to do my job. Just make the bleeding stop," said Dr. Gensai.

Megumi worked long into the day. Just before closing up shop someone came into the clinic screaming. He demanded to see Megumi and got his demand met (he had to see her anyway because Dr. Gensai left early).

"So what did you do this time?" asked Megumi with a bored look on her face.

"This time it's an emergency. I think I swallowed a paperclip and it's shredding my insides. You want me to take my clothes off for an examination," said the man. He started to take is pants off.

Megumi put her hands in front of her eyes. "That won't be necessary. Listen, do you have pain anywhere?"

"Now that you mention it no. I feel fine," said the man.

"It's probably nothing. If you start to feel anything contact me but you look alright to me."

"Maybe I should stay here while you supervise me. Who knows, I could have a sudden relapse."

"That's not possible because you never got sick in the first place."

"Look over there, a spider!" shouted the man. Megumi turned to the wall and the man ran out of the clinic.

When Megumi got home she went straight to bed. Sano was sitting at the kitchen table holding his chopsticks patiently waiting for his dinner. Two hours went by and he was still sitting there.

"I guess dinner's cancelled," said Sano.

He went into the bedroom and found Megumi lying there. He woke her up and said, "Need food now."

"Sorry Sano, I must have forgot. It was a rough day at the clinic. Some guy came in paranoid about swallowing a paperclip. I've seen him around lately. He always comes in with such dumb excuses about how he's sick or hurt. I think he just comes in because he likes me," said Megumi.

"Why would somebody want you?" asked Sano. "You ruin my fun all the time and nag me…I mean you're already married."

"I don't know for sure. I'll see how the rest of the week goes. If that's the case, I'll just calmly tell him I'm married."

"You can always hire me to fight him, Meg. My zanbatou hasn't tasted blood for quite sometime now."

"I help people dear, I don't hurt them."

The next day Megumi got to the clinic first and opened it up. Dr. Gensai showed up soon after and when he walked in he said, "Hi everybody!"

All the people in waiting room said, "Hi Dr. Gensai!"

Dr. Gensai and Megumi got down to work.

At home Sano was frantic. He couldn't sleep last night and was really tired this morning. He went over to Kenshin's house where Kaoru answered the door.

"Sano you look bad," said Kaoru.

"I didn't get any sleep last night. Can I speak to Kenshin?"

"Sure."

Kenshin was in the kitchen washing dishes. Sano sat down at the table.

"I think Megumi may be getting herself into some sinister plot. I think her ultra sexiness is luring people to the clinic who aren't really sick. It's only a matter of time before the right man comes along, and then she'll disappear forever. You're so lucky Kenshin, you don't have to deal with that," said Sano.

"I'm so lucky," said Kenshin sarcastically.

"How about you and me go on a covert operation to uncover this?" asked Sano.

"What do I look like, Sam Fisher from Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell?" asked Kenshin. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Now if you excuse me I have to perform lice inspection on Kenji."

Kenshin left the kitchen.

"Well it's up to me," said Sano. "But first I'll help myself to some of Kenshin's sake."

Back at the clinic, Megumi was in her office doing some paper work.

"Food poisoning seems to have dropped lately," said Megumi. "I guess Kaoru stopped throwing house parties."

Dr. Gensai opened the door to her office. "Someone's here to see you."

"Send them to the checkup room, I'll be there momentarily."

When Megumi got there that troublesome man was in there.

"Hello Megumi. I have a problem," said the man.

"You're lovesick?" asked Megumi.

"Uh…no. I cut myself shaving. I may have taken out my jugular vein," said the man.

"Your cut's on your cheek, no where near it," said Megumi.

She started to examine him.

"Can I ask you a medical question?" asked the man.

"Go ahead."

"Can long walks in the park ruin your calves?"

"Huh?"

Just then Sano peered through the door into the room. Megumi noticed him and she almost fell over screaming. Sano quick ran away.

"What the heck was that?" asked Megumi.

"Probably some pervert who keeps coming here because he likes you," said the man.

"What was your question again?" asked Megumi.

"Can jogging too much ruin your legs?"

"Yeah. You should probably stretch before and after you exercise. Also, do it moderately. Too much exercise isn't a good thing. Well your cut looks okay, good day," said Megumi.

"Thank you," said the man.

He left the room.

Megumi went to find Dr. Gensai. She found him tending to another patient.

"Dr. Gensai, I have something important to tell you," said Megumi.

"Okay,"

She pulled him aside.

"When I was examining a patient just now somebody was watching me through the door," said Megumi.

"It's probably those damn hippies again," said Dr. Gensai. "They're always after our medication."

Later that night Megumi was talking with Sano.

"Sano, I don't want to accuse you but why were you spying on me?" said Megumi.

"How could you tell?" asked Sano.

"Because I thought to myself, who would do something like that? Then I answered my own question with Sano Sagara. Only you would get that crazy over something this stupid," said Megumi.

"I was just checking on you to see if one of your patients was romancing you," said Sano.

"Well the guy I was with when you spied on me asked me a weird medical question. At first I thought he asked me if taking long walks in the park would ruin your claves. When I asked him what his question was again he asked if jogging too much would ruin your legs."

"He's playing mind games with you Megumi. Is there some way you could tone down your hotness?"

"I don't think I can do that Sano. Can I help it if I'm that desirable?"

"You could be more like Kaoru."

Megumi hit him in the head with her pillow.

"I should come down tomorrow and be your bodyguard," said Sano.

"Don't worry. I'll get to the bottom of this," said Megumi. "You just relax Sano."

She leaned over and kissed him. They went under the covers and made beautiful music together.

Kenji woke up and ran out of his room. He ran into the master bedroom and said, "Mom, dad, I think the ghost came back to Sano and Megumi's house."

Kenshin yawned. "That's a not a ghost. That's just Sano and Megumi having…"

"…a yelling contest," said Kaoru. "You know how Sano gets when he drinks too much. He's always dragging other people into weird games like that. Go back to bed."

Kenji went back to his room.

"Why did you stop me from saying the 's' word?" asked Kenshin.

"Now's not the time Kenshin," said Kaoru. I don't think Kenji's ready to learn about that stuff yet. I mean look at you, you're a lot older than he is and you're not ready yet."

"You set a new record Kaoru," said Kenshin. "You have officially harassed me at every possible time in a twenty-four period."

The next morning, Sano was having a fit at the table during breakfast.

"I forbid you from going to work," said Sano. "I don't want you to come in contact with that guy anymore."

"Sano," said Megumi, "I have to go to work. I just can't skip out."

"But Dr. Gensai's there," said Sano. "He can take care of the place himself."

"Yeah, but who's going to take care of Dr. Gensai," said Megumi. "Somebody has to be there incase he injures himself again, which most likely will happen. Besides, I don't know for sure if that man is trying to pick me up. That is just a guess. However, like I said before, if he is interested in me, I can just say I'm already married, and the problem's solved."

"You just have everything figured out, don't you?" said Sano as he crossed his arms.

"Goodbye Sano," said Megumi has got off the floor and made her way to the front door.

After she left, Sano went over to Kaoru's dojo to try and find Kenshin. He found him on the side of the dojo doing laundry.

"Kenshin," said Sano, "I now the last time I asked you if you wanted to go down to the clinic, you said no, but please go with me. I really want to know what is going on down there. So, how about it?"

"Okay," said Kenshin. "I'll go with you."

"Really?" said Sano surprised.

"Yeah," said Kenshin, "It'll get me out of doing laundry. Come on, let's go."

"Uh…shouldn't you consult Kaoru first?"

"Are you stupid or something? You know that the answer is going to be no. We have to keep this a secret. The way I see it is that if we don't involve Kaoru in our plans, she then has no control over them or us."

"Makes sense to me."

They then headed down to the marketplace.

While they were walking down there, Kenshin asked Sano what they were exactly going to do.

"We're going to watch the clinic and see if that guy shows up and tries to hit on Megumi," said Sano.

"And?" said Kenshin.

"And what?" said Sano. "That's it."

"Well, that's boring," said Kenshin.

"Well, what did you think we were going to do?"

"I don't know. Maybe protect the clinic from the Shinsengumi because they need Dr Gensai to help them with their diabolic diet pill pyramid scheme."

"Where did that come from? Haven't you been listening to me at all?"

"I have been listening, but I try to make it more exciting so I don't get bored."

"Well, stop it."

"You're in a pretty bad mode. Why don't we go to the Hadouken and get a drink?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on. You've been pretty stressed out for last few days. You need some time to relax and get your mind back together."

"Oh, all right."

They went inside the bar and sat at the counter like always.

"What can I get you two?" asked Scruffy.

"Two sakes please," said Kenshin.

Scruffy pulled out a sake bottle and poured it into two dirty cups.

"Don't you have any clean cups?" asked Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Scruffy sarcastically, " And why don't we all just hop abroad my golden boat and sail to Candy Land where we can sing and dance with the sugar plum fairy? Does it look like I have money?"

"Gees, just asking," said Kenshin.

Scruffy then took a notice of Sano.

"He looks down," said Scruffy. "What's his problem?"

"His wife, Megumi," said Kenshin, "Works down at the clinic, and there is this one guy who we think is trying to pick her up. He comes in almost everyday with lame medical problems, so he can talk to her."

"Did you say Megumi?" said Scruffy. "I've seen her there before. I can see why men would hit on her. She's hot!"

"That's not helping," said Kenshin.

"Oh, right. Um…you should go and kick his ass," said Scruffy as he realized his mistake.

Kenshin and Sano then gulped their sake down.

"Well, let's get over to the clinic," said Sano.

He then got up off the floor.

"You can pay him Kenshin," said Sano.

"Why me?" wined Kenshin.

"Stop your complaining and just pay the man," said Sano.

He then walked over to the door.

"You cheap…" said Kenshin as he pulled out some money from his wallet and put it on the table.

Kenshin then got up and followed Sano out the door.

At the clinic, Dr. Gensai was in the back trying to alphabetize his surgical tools. However, there was a problem. He forgot what they were called.

Megumi was in the front waiting to tend to anyone's needs. Suddenly, that guy came running into the place.

"Not you again," said Megumi. "Let me guess, you poked yourself in the foot with a chopstick, right?"

"Uh…yeah," said the man.

"You know you could come up with better excuses," said Megumi very irritated.

"No I can't, said the man.

"Huh?"

"Look, a spider!"

He pointed behind her.

" Not this time."

"Damn! You're good. I guess…I'm trying…to say…that I…uh…want you." Then he blurted out, "I have searched everywhere for the perfect woman and you are her."

"I had an inkling. Too bad, I'm already taken. I'm married to a man named Sanosuke Sagara."

"Sanosuke Sagara? That brainless thug? A lemming has a higher IQ than him. All he does is gamble, and he doesn't even have a job. He's the biggest loser in Tokyo."

"You piece of scum! He's a better person than you are. At least he doesn't come into clinics and makes up medical problems to meet women. How pathetic do you have to be to lower yourself to that level?"

"You know what? I don't even want you any more because you were stupid enough to marry a bum like him. I thought you were better than that, but I guess I was wrong. You're both deadbeats."

"Get the hell out of here and never come back!" snapped Megumi as she pointed to the door.

"That's fine with me," said the man as he walked towards the door. " I don't like to waste my time dealing with dumb broads."

When he opened the door, he found Sano and Kenshin standing there.

"Crap," said the man. "It's the dynamic duo: Hitokiri Battousai and his sidekick the brain-dead Zanza."

Sano then grabbed him and put him in a headlock.

"Hey Kenshin," said Sano. "Want to cut off his gonads?"

"Yeah," said Kenshin as he pulled out his sakabatou.

"Okay, listen up you little scumbag," said Sano as squeezed his neck. "We're not going to mutilate you because we're not those kind of people. But I want you to never come near my wife Megumi or this clinic again. If you, however, fail to obey this rule, you will be severely punished. Now get out of my sight and never come back."

He then threw him on the ground.

The man then tired to get back up, but Kenshin kicked him in the ass, and then he fell back on the ground. He then picked himself up and ran away.

Sano then went into the clinic where he found Megumi just staring at him.

"What are you doing here," asked Megumi.

"Kenshin and I went to the Hadouken," said Sano. "Afterwards he saw that guy and followed him here. We then stood outside the door and listened to the whole thing."

Megumi just smiled at him. She then went up to him and hugged him. He then put his arms around her.

"I love you," sad Megumi.

"I love you too," said Sano.

Kenshin just stood by the door and watched them, completely bored out of his mind. Scruffy then came up next to him without him knowing it.

"Ahh, they're having a moment," said Scruffy.

"What are you doing here?" said Kenshin. "Shouldn't you be watching the bar?"

"Relax," said Scruffy. "Nobody's going to steal anything from that rundown piece of junk. Besides, I don't have anything anyway."

"What about the liquor?" said Kenshin.

"Oh, crap!" said Scruffy.

While Kenshin, Megumi, and Sano were walking home, Kenshin had a thought.

"Did anybody catch that guy's name?" said Kenshin.

"Nope," said Sano.

"He never mentioned it," said Megumi. "He didn't tell me anything about himself."

"Okay, nobody knows what his name is or anything about him at all," said Kenshin. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I'm satisfied."

When Kenshin returned, Kaoru wanted to know where he was and why he didn't finish the laundry. Kenshin told her that he went with Sano to try and save his marriage, but Kaoru didn't believe him because he never did anything that noble in his entire life. She eventually believed him after he threatened to drag her to that filthy, lowlife Hadouken so Scruffy could testify for him.

When Sano and Megumi got home, we all knew what they did, except for Kenshin because he didn't understand things like that.

The End


	16. Episode 16

TOTALLY TUBULAR 

After lunch at the Himura household, Kaoru had to prepare for her class. Because of that, she sent Kenshin and Kenji to go buy tofu for supper.

"Dad, what is mom going to make with the tofu?" asked Kenji as they were walking to the marketplace.

"I have no idea," said Kenshin. "The only thing I can say is that it's going to be bad."

As they walked through the marketplace, Kenshin and Kenji looked around till they found the tofu shop.

"What tofu does mom want us to get?" asked Kenji as they scanned through the different kinds of tofu.

"She wants us to get silken tofu," said Kenshin.

"But that's the most expensive tofu," said Kenji. "Why don't we get firm tofu instead? It's cheaper."

"We can't do that," said Kenshin. "We have to get silken tofu. Even though all tofu is exactly the same, your mom can somehow see and taste the difference between them. If we get another kind of tofu, we'll get in big trouble."

Kenshin then bought a pound of the silken tofu.

"Do we go back home now?" asked Kenji as they walked away from the shop.

"No way," said Kenshin. "Since your mom sent us to the marketplace, we're on leave. We can do anything we want. If we go back home, we give up our freedom. Do you want to give up your freedom Kenji?"

"No," said Kenji.

"Good," said Kenshin.

They then continued to walk around aimlessly until they bumped into Sano and Katsu.

"What are you guys doing here?" asked Kenshin.

"We're buying bomb supplies," said Katsu. "I ran out so Sano and I went to get some. What are you doing here?"

"We had to buy tofu," said Kenshin. "Kaoru is making one of her nasty dishes for supper tonight."

"Harsh," said Katsu.

"I have an idea," said Sano. "Let's go the Hadouken."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "I can't think of any better way to spend my time while on leave."

They all then went to the Hadouken.

When they got there, they all pulled up seats at the bar.

"Can I have some sake?" asked Kenji.

"Are you going to tell mom?" asked Kenshin.

"No," said Kenji.

"Okay. Then you can have some," said Kenshin. "Hey Scruffy, we need four sakes over here, pronto!"

"Got it Kenshin," said Scruffy as he pulled out a sake bottle and four cups.

"Hey Katsu," said Kenshin. "Whatever happened to those two American sailors you always hung around with? You know, Tommy and Victor. Are they even still alive?"

"Yes," said Katsu. "They got their own apartment. We finally decided that we couldn't all live in my apartment together anymore because there was no room."

"How can they afford an apartment?" said Kenshin. "They don't have any money."

"Since they were previously sailors," said Katsu, "They had ocean experience. Therefore they got jobs as fishermen. It was the only skill that they had. Sad really."

Back at the dojo, Kaoru was finishing up her 2:00 class. After everyone left, she decided that it would be a good idea to take a bath. She went and got some buckets of water and filled up the bath with it. She then went and gathered up some firewood and stuck it in the fireplace under the bath. She waited for the water to get to the proper temperature. She occupied herself by organizing all her womanly things like her kimonos, hair ribbons, and obis. After a half hour, she went into the bathhouse to test the water. It turned out the water was just right, so she got undressed, and took the little tie thing out of her hair. She then got in the tub for a nice relaxing bath. While in there, an idea came to mind.

"Wait a second," said Kaoru to herself. "It doesn't take this long to buy tofu. They must be having fun. Ah well, it gives me some private time, so I won't complain."

Just then, she heard Kenshin and Kenji talking outside the bathhouse door.

"Dad, can I go over to Yahiko's for a little bit?" said Kenji.

"Sure," said Kenshin. "Just remember to be back by 6:00 for supper. That way if you're here, there'll be less of your mom's awful cooking that I'll have to eat."

"Thanks," said Kenji.

He took off.

The door to the bath started to open, but then got stuck.

"Damn piece of crap," said Kenshin as he struggled to open the stuck door.

This gave Kaoru some time to think. She then got the perfect idea. She breathed in as much air as she could, held her breath, and went under the water.

Kenshin then got the door unstuck and opened it. He went into the bath. Since he didn't notice Kaoru's clothes neatly folded and stacked in the corner, he thought that no one was in there.

"Now I can finally take a bath," said Kenshin.

He then looked at the tub.

"Hey," said Kenshin to himself. "There's water in it already. Kaoru must have prepared the bath for me upon my return. It's about time she showed her appreciation of me doing all the chores around here."

Then he got undressed, took the tie thing out of his air, and went up to the bath.

Kaoru then popped out of the bath and grabbed him.

"What are you doing?" said Kenshin. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Come on, it'll be fun," said Kaoru as she pulled on him.

"We can't both fit in here," said Kenshin. "There's no room."

Kaoru then finally pulled him into the bath. Kenshin tried to get back out, but Kaoru pushed him in and then sat between his legs, so he couldn't escape.

"I can't get free," said Kenshin as he tried to pull himself out.

"I'm stuck too," said Kaoru as she tired to move around.

"Nice going Kaoru," said Kenshin. "Now we're both stuck."

"Oh sure, go ahead and criticize me for trying to spice up our marriage," said Kaoru.

"Spice up our marriage?" said Kenshin. "We already have enough of that. Sometimes your cooking is so spicy that it burns my mouth."

"Do you know you're an idiot?" said Kaoru.

"Well, it's your fault we're trapped in here anyway."

"Fine, I admit it. It's my fault, but we can still make the best of it."

"And how do you intend we do that?"

"We can have deep meaningful conversations."

"Oh, yeah right," said Kenshin as he rolled his eyes.

Kaoru then jabbed him in the stomach with her elbow.

"Ow, what did you do that for?" asked Kenshin.

"Because you're being a jerk," said Kaoru.

"Well, I certainty have the reason to be one," said Kenshin. "After all, you are the one who created this mess."

"Yes, I know this is my fault," said Kaoru. "You don't have to repeat it every other sentence."

"Fine."

"So," said Kaoru as she was trying to find a good conversation topic, "What took you so long to buy tofu?"

"After we bought the tofu, we met Sano and Katsu," said Kenshin. They were buying bomb supplies because Katsu ran out. Then we went to the Hadouken for sake. Even Kenji had a round…"

"You let Kenji have sake?" said Kaoru furious.

"Uh oh," said Kenshin.

"He's too young. I can't believe you let your ten-year-old son drink alcohol. You are the most irresponsible parent I have ever seen."

"Gees, lighten up. A little won't hurt him. Now if I let him have the whole bottle, yeah then there'd be a problem. Well, anyway I finally learned what happened to those two sailors Katsu hangs around with. You know, the ones who tried to pick you and Megumi up around Christmas time…"

"How could I forget?" said Kaoru sarcastically.

"They apparently got their own apartment," said Kenshin. "They finally figured out that they couldn't live in Katsu's place anymore because there was no room. They also got jobs as fisherman because that was the only thing that they could do."

"Good," said Kaoru. "Now maybe they won't hang out with us so much anymore. They were insensitive macho jerks."

"I wonder what Kenji is doing at Yahiko's house?" said Kenshin as he tried to find another topic of conversation.

"I hope he isn't causing any trouble," said Kaoru.

"How ignorant are you?" said Kenshin surprised. "Of course he's causing trouble. That's his job, and besides, it's funny."

"It's not funny to me," said Kaoru. "Kenji's misbehaving then reflects on us. It makes us look like bad parents."

"Kaoru, so what if he makes you look like a bad parent? People already have negative views of you anyway. For example, there are some people who think that you're ugly and a terrible cook."

"I know who that entails," said Kaoru. "You, You, and you."

"Kenji doesn't like your cooking either," said Kenshin.

"He's only copying you. He's not old enough to think for himself yet," snapped Kaoru.

Kenshin tried to squirm out of the tub again but just couldn't do it.

"I was just thinking Kenshin. Maybe we got trapped here for a reason. Maybe it was fate or something. You know, to help out our romantic life."

"Hold on Kaoru. Don't go on one of your philosophical, mystical, whatever you call it tangents. It was pure coincidence. Sure the probability was low, but that just demonstrates how real reality is. In reality anything can happen, so something that seems kind of unrealistic like this justifies reality's existence. Of course their are limitations though."

"Kenshin you're so sexy when you say something witty," said Kaoru passionately. "Kiss me."

Kenshin quickly blurted out, "Mud is not only fun to play in, it can also be substituted for a side dish when eating."

"Well, you put the flame out once again," said Kaoru.

"I have to continue my streak."

Yahiko and Kenji were playing dodge ball in Yahiko's house.

"Hey Yahiko. I bet you can't beam your dad with the ball," said Kenji.

"What do I get if I hit him?" asked Yahiko.

"A million points."

"Hell, I'd have done it for free."

Back at the Himura house things were still upside down.

"Kenshin, don't you feel anything?" said Kaoru. "I mean we are in this weird circumstance."

"I feel something," said Kenshin.

Then he farted.

"That's gross," said Kaoru. "You know despite all of Sano's problems, he's good at treating Megumi well. He's romantic, charming, and caring. This may be the only time I say this but you should try to be more like Sano."

"Think about it Kaoru," said Kenshin. "If I acted like Sano, it would be like you being married to him. Now do you really want to be married to Sano?"

"Sure," said Kaoru. "You two are exactly the same except that Sano's more romantic."

"Man of all the cool people I could have been trapped with, and it had to be you Kaoru," said Kenshin."

"Hey, I can be cool."

"No, you can be manly."

"Don't go there, Kenshin. I'm just as much a woman as Megumi is."

"Yeah. You are a woman but you don't act like one, cook like one, or even look like one."

"That's what makes me so much fun. I'm different than your average girl," said Kaoru cheerfully.

Over at Sano's house, Megumi was tending to her garden while Sano was scrubbing the kitchen floor. After he got done he went outside for some fresh air.

"Megumi, why are you home so early? Did you get fired?"

"No! Dr. Genzai let me go home early because it wasn't busy at the clinic. It's nice to have some extra time for myself."

"Have you seen Kenshin lately. I want to hang out with him."

"Sorry. I haven't seen him yet," said Megumi.

Sano went to the edge of the road when Katsu was strolling by.

"Hey Katsu, do you know where Kenshin is? I feel like scamming him out of some money."

"Sorry. I haven't seen him since the run in at the marketplace."

"This isn't good," said Sano. "It's not like Kenshin to spend the whole day with Kaoru."

Kenji and Yahiko were outside sweeping the Myojin porch.

"Your dad said this would be fun, when does this get fun?" asked Kenji.

"I don't know but I can hardly wait for it," said Yahiko.

It was starting to get dark outside and Kenshin and Kaoru were still stuck in the bath.

"Well Kaoru, it looks like this is the end. Too bad I have no pen and paper to write my will out."

"You're not going to die. Just relax."

"I'll try but you're not helping," said Kenshin.

"You won't give me a chance," said Kaoru.

"Okay, you can try. We tried communicating and that didn't work."

Kaoru snuggled up against Kenshin. Then Kenshin put his arms around her.

"Kaoru, I think yelling at you worked," said Kenshin. "After getting all those bad things off my chest, I feel better."

"Same here," said Kaoru.

"I know that this one doesn't show affection for you," said Kenshin, "But this one does love you."

Kenshin started to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"You are so beautiful, that you are," said Kenshin.

He then started to kiss her neck and shoulders. She moaned with satisfaction.

There suddenly was a knock at the door, which stopped them in their tracks. Then there was a voice that they both recognized.

"Is anybody in there?" asked Kenji.

"Yes," yelled Kaoru.

"Do you know where dad is?" said Kenji.

"I have no idea," said Kaoru. "Go look for him."

"Okay," said Kenji.

He then went off to find Kenshin.

"Damn it," said Kaoru. "The first time we actually get to do something romantic together, and it has to be interrupted. We can never win."

"Don't worry," said Kenshin as he out his head on her shoulder. "That will keep him occupied for a while. Now where were we?"

"I believe you were kissing me all over my body," said Kaoru sensually.

After a half-hour, they both started to realize that it was time for them to leave the bath.

"Man, this water is getting cold," said Kenshin. "We should probably start trying to figure out a way to get out of here."

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "I'm starting to freeze. I'm going to try and get up."

Before she could get up, there was another knock at the door. It was Kenji again.

"Hey mom," said Kenji. "I can't find dad."

"Don't worry," said Kaoru. "He's probably around here somewhere. Uh…can I ask you a favor? Can you go get Sano and Megumi? I seem to have gotten stuck in the bath?"

"Whatever," said Kenji.

He then went off to their house.

"You know it would be easier to just tell him that we're both in here," said Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Kaoru, "But he's not ready for something like this. Come on, you weren't even ready for something like this."

Finally, Kenji arrived at Sano's and Megumi's. He wandered into the house and found Sano sleeping on his bed. He shook Sano, but he wouldn't wake up. He then pinched Sano's nose and waited a few seconds. Sano started to gag and woke up.

"What the hell are you doing?" said Sano.

"My mom's stuck in the bath," said Kenji.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Sano, "But okay."

He then got off the bed and yelled, "Megumi come into the bedroom."

She came into the room and said, "Don't tell me. You want another foot massage, right? Listen, you can't just boss me around. I'm not your maid."

"No," said Sano. "Kaoru's stuck in the bath and we have to get her out."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Megumi.

"I know. That's what I said," said Sano.

"Well, lets get over there," said Megumi. "There's probably a good explanation for what's going on."

They went over to the bath of Kaoru's dojo.

Megumi rapped on the door and said, "Sano and I are here."

"Is Kenji there too?" asked Kaoru.

"Yes," replied Megumi.

"Um…Kenji," said Kaoru. "Could you please go somewhere else?"

"Why?" asked Kenji.

"Listen, I'm your mother," said Kaoru. "I don't have to give you an explanation. Please, just leave."

"Fine," said Kenji.

He then left.

"Okay," said Kaoru really embarrassed. I'm not stuck in the bath. The truth is that Kenshin and I are stuck in the bath."

"You're lying," said Sano. "Kenshin would never do anything like that."

"I'm afraid she's right," said Kenshin.

"Holy crap," said Sano. "You really are in there. It's all starting to make sense now. You two were making love in the bathtub."

"This isn't funny," said Kaoru. "We've been stuck in here for a couple of hours, and the water is cold. We need you and Megumi to get us out."

"What are we going to do?" asked Sano to Megumi.

"I don't know," said Megumi. "I don't want to go in there because I'll see them naked."

"Same here," said Sano. "It'll give me nightmares."

"Wait," said Megumi. "I have an idea. You can wear a blindfold, go in there, and pull them out. That way you won't see anything."

"Do I have to?" said Sano.

"Yes," said Megumi.

"Oh, rice balls," said Sano.

They went back to their house to get one of Megumi's hair bandana things she uses at the clinic. Then they returned to the bathhouse.

Megumi tied it around Sano's head, opened the door just enough, and pushed him in. She then closed it quickly.

"No need to fear," said Sano. "Sano is here."

He walked into a wall.

"This isn't one of their brightest ideas, is it?" asked Kenshin.

"I'm afraid not," said Kaoru.

After a few minutes of hilarious mishaps, Sano finally reached the bath.

"Okay," said Sano. "Grab my hand."

Kaoru grabbed his hand and he pulled as hard as he could. His strength was enough and Kaoru was successfully freed from the bath. Kenshin then got up and jumped out. Him and Kaoru dried off and quickly put their clothes back on.

"It's safe now," said Kenshin. "You can take your blindfold off."

"You better be right," said Sano. "So God help you…"

He removed his blindfold to find nothing that could offend him or give him nightmares.

They left the bathhouse.

"Kaoru," said Megumi excited. "You have to tell me all the steamy details."

"No way," said Kaoru.

Megumi just gave her a blank stare.

"Just kidding," said Kaoru. "We can have some tea while we talk. Come on."

They both went to Kaoru's kitchen.

"I still can't believe it," said Sano. "You never are that intimate with Kaoru. What happened?"

"After I bought the tofu," said Kenshin, "I went to the bathhouse to take a bath. When I got inside, I didn't know that anyone was in there. Then I noticed that there was water already in the tub. I thought that Kaoru did that for me to show her appreciation. I went up to the tub, and she came out of the water. Somehow she managed to pull me in. Then the rest, as they say, is history."

"You should've known better Kenshin," said Sano. "Kaoru would never start a bath for you to show her apperception. In fact, she wouldn't do anything to show her apperception for you."

"You're right," said Kenshin. "There was no excuse for why this had to happen. However, it was fun. It added spice to our marriage that we so desperately needed. I got to connect with Kaoru on a level that I rarely get to connect with her on. I wouldn't mind doing it again."

Later that night, Kenshin was laying on his bed thinking. Kaoru then came into the room and lay down next to him.

"Um…I just want to thank you for surprise attacking me and getting me stuck in the bath," said Kenshin. "We needed to me more intimate. I had a lot of fun."

"Me too," said Kaoru. "Once we got past the mindless fighting and arguing, it was a nice relaxing romantic getaway."

She then leaned over and kissed him.

Next door, Sano was desperately trying to find Megumi.

"Megumi where are you?" yelled Sano as he walked around the outside of his house. "I need you to kill a spider in the closet. You know how I'm too lazy to do it myself."

Then he came across the bathhouse. The door to it was cracked open a little bit with some light spilling out into the night. He was curious so he went to the door and opened it. Inside, he found Megumi leaning over the bath, which was surrounded with candles.

"Hey big boy," said Megumi in a very sensual voice. "Why don't you come in and play?"

Sano almost dropped to the floor. After he stopped drooling, he finally muttered out, "Oh, Sano likee."

He ripped of his clothes and flew into the bath. He got in behind Megumi and sat down.

"Come here my sexy little fox," said Sano.

He then put his arms around her waist and pulled her body right of against his.

"I think we have a problem," said Sano as he was trying to move around. "I'm stuck."

"I can't move around either," said Megumi as she squirmed around.

The End


	17. Episode 17

THE GREAT GAMBLOR

"Odd or even?" said Sano.

"Even," said Kenshin.

Sano lifted the cup off the dice.

"6 and 1 equals 7, so you lose," said Sano.

"Damn. Here's your three yen," said Kenshin. "By the way, what time is it?"

Sano looked at the grandfather clock. "It's 11:50 A.M."

"I better be off," said Kenshin. "It's time for Kaoru's nooner."

"Nooner?" asked Sano.

"Of all people, you should know this. It's when you make whoopee to someone at noon."

"What about lunch?" asked Sano.

"I guess we can't afford lunch anymore, so Kaoru replaced noon with something else. See you later."

Kenshin left Sano's living room and went back to his house.

Sano worked outside the rest of the day. He washed the clothes, dusted the porch, and arranged all of Megumi's clothes according to when she got them. After a hard day's work he decided to have some fun (not the kind you're probably thinking of). He went to Megumi to ask her a question.

"Can I go over to Katsu's house?" asked Sano.

"Why, does Katsu have a new pornographic caricature collection?" asked Megumi.

"How should I know?" said Sano. "I just wanted to stop by and visit him."

"Okay, just be back by 9:00 P.M. so there's plenty of time for you to fix the sliding doors. A lot of them are all stuck and icky."

Megumi kissed him on the cheek and he left. He got to Katsu's house and rapped on the door.

"Sano, great to see you buddy," said Katsu when he opened the door. "Come in."

"How's your bomb business going?" asked Sano.

"Okay. Business has been kind of slow since the police cleared out that last mafia."

"You know when I was talking to Kenshin this morning, he said he was tight on money. I also suspect this because he has been gambling with me a lot lately. I could also use some money. Megumi has a nice income but it's still not enough for all the luxuries I want."

"That would be nice to have some extra money," said Katsu. "I always wanted to invent a new type of bomb but I can never afford the raw materials."

"There has to be a away to get some extra cash. We should start some sort of a business. Considering the only thing we all have in common is a liking to gamble, it should be a gambling parlor."

"I like your style Sano. We can be gangsters!"

"Yeah, that would be pretty cool," said Sano.

The next day Sano went over to Kenshin's house. Kenshin was sitting under a cherry blossom tree drinking some sake.

"Hey Kenshin," said Sano. "Where's Kaoru?"

"She's teaching class," said Kenshin.

"I got a little business proposition for you. How about we start up our own gambling parlor to make a little more cash flow our way?"

"No. Where would we place such a thing?" asked Kenshin.

"Your dojo. Since it's your property we won't have to pay rent to anyone. It should be big enough. We could run it during the night when Kaoru's not teaching."

"Any plan that involves deceiving Kaoru automatically has me on board," said Kenshin.

Kenji overheard their entire conversation from the porch. He casually strolled over to where they were sitting.

"I want in," said Kenji.

"Why squirt?" asked Sano.

"Because I want some of the money. And let Yahiko in too. If you fail to agree with my terms, I'll rat you guys out to mom."

"Deal," said Sano. He shook his hand.

"One last thing Kenshin, you, Kenji, and Yahiko can meet me tonight in the Kamiya dojo tonight at 10:00 P.M. We'll go over the finer details for this project. Katsu will be there too."

When the time was proper Sano snuck into the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin, Yahiko, and Kenji came in minute later. Katsu came in last and he had Tommy and Victor with him.

Sano pointed to Tommy and Victor. "Why are they here?"

"They're the masters of three-card Monty, remember. We'll need professional employees here. Besides, they insisted it would be a great way to meet women."

Sano scratched his chin. "Ex-cons, I like it."

During their conversation Dr. Gensai stumbled in.

Sano placed his hand over his forehead. "Oh great, now we have to keep him quite. Listen old man, you're in if you don't nark on us."

"Huh? What? I was on my way to the bathroom when I got lost," said Dr. Gensai. "However I'll join. All I do is sleep at night, this will have me doing something more productive."

"As for the games I thought on having dice, roulette, craps, various card games, and a bar for refreshments and snacks. We can get the craps and roulette supplies at the pawnshop. Since we own dice, cards, refreshments, and snacks, we can just use the those," said Sano.

"I want to have Russian roulette," said Kenshin.

"Are you sure?" asked Sano.

"Yeah. I'm the main character of this series so I can't die."

"Now I'll hand out the jobs," said Sano. "I'll run the parlor, Kenshin will be my boot-lackey and run both roulette tables, Yahiko will be the bouncer, Kenji will be the bartender, Katsu will be the entertainer, Tommy and Victor will run the card table, and Dr. Gensai will run the dice table and craps table."

Everyone cheered.

"All right men, this is our destiny. You're all dismissed," said Sano. "Meet me at my house tomorrow morning at 10:00 so we can get the supplies."

Everybody left for home to dream about power, fame, and money in their sleep.

At 8:30 the next morning, everyone awoke as usual. Kenshin was very excited because today was the day that they would buy the supplies for their illegal gambling parlor. Kaoru went to the bathhouse to wash up for the day. After she left, Kenji came into the room.

"I can hardly wait to get the supplies," said Kenshin.

"Me too," said Kenshin, "But remember to act normal. Otherwise your mom will become suspicious and she'll know something's up."

"Got it," said Kenji.

He then left the room.

Kenshin lay back on the bed and daydreamed about all the things that he could buy with all the extra money.

Kaoru came back into the room and sat down on the bed. She began to comb her hair.

"So, do you have any plans for today?" asked Kaoru.

Kenshin had to think fast. If he said no, she would know that he was lying. He had to come up with something believable.

"Yes," said Kenshin. "Me and the guys are going out for a guys day out."

"No way," said Kaoru. "The last time you had a guys day out, it took seventy-five sword police officers to subdue you."

"Yeah," said Kenshin, "But that was different. See, there was alcohol involved. We're not doing anything today that is going to involve alcohol."

"Oh, I still don't trust you," said Kaoru as she put her hair in a ponytail, "But okay. However, just remember that if you start any riots, you're going to be locked in the shed till next Christmas."

"Don't worry. We're not going to cause any mayhem."

All three of them then ate breakfast. After breakfast, Kaoru and Kenji cleaned up the dishes and everything. Kaoru then went to teach her class.

Kenshin and Kenji quickly left for Sano's house.

When they got there, everyone was sitting on the front porch discussing what they going to buy.

"Great," said Sano as Kenshin and Kenji showed up. "Everyone is here. We're now going to the pawnshop to buy our supplies. If anybody wants to back out, now's your chance."

Everyone just stayed where they were and just looked at Sano.

"Good," said Sano. "Just as I thought; no candy asses. Okay, let's get a move on people."

Everyone went to the local pawnshop. They bought a craps table, a roulette table, and supplies for both.

"I just realized something," said Sano when they were walking back. "Where are we going to stick all this stuff? We need a place where Kaoru and Megumi will never look."

"I know," said Kenshin. "We can stick it in my shed. The only stuff that's in there is useless junk. Because of that, Kaoru never goes in there."

"Also, since it's on your property," said Sano, "Megumi has no reason to go in there either. Great idea."

They went back to Kenshin's place and put all the supplies in the shed. They then met on Kenshin's porch to discuss further plans.

"Now," said Sano, "We have to advertise and spread the word of our new gambling parlor."

"Uh, shouldn't we come up with a name first?" asked Yahiko.

"You're right," said Sano. "We need something that will make our gambling parlor appealing. How about 'Zanza's?'"

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'Judgment Day?'" said Victor.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'The Thrill Zone?'" said Dr. Gensai.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'The Hack N' Slash?'" said Kenshin.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'Explosive Joe's?'" said Kastu.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'The Crap Hole?'" said Yahiko.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'King Kenji's Fun Palace?'" said Kenji.

"No," said everybody.

"How about 'Bandoliers?'" said Tommy.

Everybody thought for a moment. They all thought it was edgy and cool sounding. Thus, they all agreed that is what their gambling parlor would be called.

Later in the day Katsu, Kenji, and Yahiko went around town passing out fliers and advertising the gambling parlor. At night, after Kaoru and Megumi went to bed, Sano and the gang setup the parlor. To their surprise five minutes after they opened, a swarm of people came in. There was laughter, drinking, sensuality, and of course gambling. Some people won big, but the house took in the majority of the money like any gambling parlor does. Even Scruffy stopped by.

"Halt, who goes there?" shouted Yahiko at the door.

"It's me Scruffy," said Scruffy.

"You look a like a dirt bag to me," said Yahiko. "I don't know if I should let you in."

"Relax kid, he's clean," said Sano from behind him.

Sano and Scruffy toured the area.

"You really surprised me," said Scruffy. "You guys made this place quite tolerable. It almost meets the minimum safety and construction codes."

"That's what we're trying to strive for here."

They passed the craps table when Dr. Gensai said, "Want to roll the bones Scruffy?"

"Don't mind if I do," said Scruffy.

People came and went as well did the refreshments.

"We ran out of schnapps," said Kenji.

"I'll run over to Kenshin's house to get more," said Sano.

After Sano came back, a dilemma broke out. Kenshin was arguing with a customer at the roulette table. Sano ran over there as fast as he could.

"What's the problem?" asked Sano.

"When your employee here spun the roulette wheel, the little ball popped out of the wheel and hit him in the eye, and then fell back onto the wheel where it landed on my bet. Do I still win?" asked the man.

"Why sure. Playing the ball of people's body parts counts," said Sano cheerfully.

At 4:30 A.M. people started to clear out and by five the whole the shop was closed down for the day. Everybody went back home to rest. Kenshin and Sano had to sneak back into the house as not to wake their wives. It was a success; Kaoru and Megumi were none the wiser about what happened last night.

Kaoru woke up at eight and woke up a gorgy Kenshin. When she went to the kitchen to make breakfast she found it almost empty.

"Where's all the food? I just went shopping two days ago,"

Kenshin walked into the kitchen yawning. "I threw the food out yesterday. I found the fresh fish lying out on the counter, and it was all spoiled. I tried to save all the other food bur the fish contaminated everything else."

"I probably just forgot to put the fish away," said Kaoru. "I'll go shopping again later today. Excuse me but I have to get ready for work now."

Kaoru left the kitchen and then Kenji came into the kitchen.

"I was thinking of serving mint julep tonight," said Kenji.

"I think we'll have to start buying our snacks from the store. Kaoru's bound to find out what's really going on," said Kenshin.

At Sano's house, Megumi was brushing her hair when Sano came into the bedroom.

"Can you make me some ohagi tonight?" asked Sano.

"Good idea Sano. That sounds good."

"Could you make about ten times as much as you usually make? I want to give some to Kenshin, Katsu, and some of my other friends."

"Man, they must all have hearty appetites. I'll see what I can do."

Megumi left for work and when Sano was sure she was long gone, he went over to Kenshin's house. Kenshin made some tea and they went over business plans at the table.

"I think we'll have to start buying our refreshments from the store. Kaoru noticed that our kitchen had no food today. She'll eventually catch on," said Kenshin.

"Good plan. Now let's go over last night's profits. I'll give you your share now."

Sano took out the money and gave Kenshin his share.

"Now excuse me, I have to pay the others."

Sano got up and left.

Kenshin went into Kenji's bedroom where Kenji was making his bed.

"Sano stopped by to pay us. Boy did we hit the jackpot," exclaimed Kenshin.

"Let's go nuts!" yelled Kenji.

"I thought I'd never see the day when shopping can be fun, " said Kenshin.

Kenshin and Kenji spent the whole day shopping for expensive gifts. When Kaoru's lessons and shopping was done, Kenshin surprised her with the gifts.

"Here you go Kaoru," said Kenshin as he held out a little box.

Kaoru took the box and opened it.

"An 18-carrot gold necklace?" said Kaoru astonished. "It's beautiful. But how?"

"I've been doing some errands and chores for people in my spare time. But that's not important. What's important is that you're happy."

"You must be working hard if you were able to buy Kenji that gattling gun.

"It makes him happy," said Kenshin.

"By the way, I like your suit and hat ensemble," said Kaoru.

"This is it Kaoru, we've hit the big time. From now on the Himuras will no longer be the bottom rung of society. I always wanted to make fun of people less fortunate than me, and that dream is now reality. Kenji and I better be off to bed because we had a long day and we're tired."

At 10:00, the gambling parlor opened up once again for business. Kenshin and Sano put the snacks out on the bar for the customers.

"I see you got Megumi to make a super big batch of her delicious ohagi," said Kenshin as they laid it out on the bar.

"Yeah, and the best part about it is," said Sano, " Is that since she is great at making food in mass quantities, she didn't have any problems doing it."

A little after ten, the normal crowd showed up. Then around 10:30 things started to get really interesting. The Oniwabanshu showed up.

"Wow," said the Oniwabansu, amazed at the spectacle before them.

"This is an honor," said Sano as he and Kenshin greeted them at the door. "We welcome you to Bandoliers. This gambling parlor is run by me and my boot-lackey Kenshin. Come in and play our fantastic games."

"You and Kenshin run this place?" said Aoshi. "You really out did yourselves this time."

"Oh, by the way," said Sano. "You have to leave your weapons in the corner. They're not allowed in the gambling area. Also, we cannot be held responsible for lost or stolen items."

Aoshi left his kodachi, Hyottoko left his oil barrel and the bag that goes in his stomach, Hannya left his kagitsume, Shikijou left his chain ball, and Beshimi left his poison rasenbyo.

Aoshi then headed straight for the bar, while the rest of the group went to squander what little money they had.

"Hey barkeep," said Aoshi as pounded his fist on the table. "I want a Haiku Martini."

"It's coming up," said Kenji.

He pulled a glass and the ingredients and got down to work.

Beshimi went to Sano to convert all his money (how stupid can you be) into chips.

He got to the dice table and sat down by some people just when a new game was about to begin.

"Any objections," said Dr. Gensai as he held out the dice to show that he didn't switch them.

He then put them in the cup and put it upside down on the floor.

"Time for bets," said Dr. Gensai.

"Even," said Beshimi.

Then being the dope that he is, he put all his chips on the floor.

Dr. Gensai took the cup of the ground and looked at the dice. They read five and six.

"Odd," said Dr. Gensai.

"Crap," said Beshimi

"Oh, if you want to play that game," said Dr. Gensai, "I'll be starting that in half an hour."

Hannya tried his hand at roulette.

"Did you know that roulette is French for little wheel?" said Kenshin.

"Spare me your mindless trivia weakling," said Hannya. "Just start the game."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "What number do you want?"

"Eight black," said Hannya.

"How much do you want to bet?"

"Five yen."

Kenshin spun the wheel and dropped the ball in. After the wheel was done spinning, the ball was eight black.

"We have a winner," said Kenshin as he gave Hannya five yen.

"In your face," said Hannya. "I have single handedly mastered the gambling techniques of your gambling parlor. I am unstoppable."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Kenshin. "Are you going to play again or just stand there and continue your pointless monologue?"

"Sorry," said Hannya. "I get carried away sometimes. I want to bet ten yen on three red."

Shikijou and Hyottoko thought they could win big at three-card Monty.

"How much do you want to bet," said Victor.

"Shikijou and I each want to bet twenty yen," said Hyottoko.

"Okay," said Victor.

He then said, "Any objections?" as he held out three cards to show that he wasn't cheating.

He put the three cards on the table and switched them around.

"Now guess where the jack of hearts is?" said Victor.

Hyottoko and Shikijou thought for a while and the conversed amongst themselves.

"The right card," said Hyottoko.

Victor picked up the card and it read the ten of spades.

"Too bad," said Victor.

He then took their forty yen.

"I think they rigged it, Hyottoko," said Shikijou.

"What are you talking about?" said Victor. "I just showed you the cards."

"Yeah," said Tommy. "You guys lost fair and square. Stop acting like babies and accept your defeat like real men."

"So, now we're babies!" said Shikijou as he grabbed Tommy by the collar. "We should grind your bones in dust for this outrage."

"No," said Hyottoko as he grabbed Victor and put him in a headlock. "I have a better idea. We should rip their intestines out with a dull knife."

Out of nowhere, Yahiko marched up to them.

"You two are creating a public disturbance, so I will have to throw you out," said Yahiko.

"Yahiko," said Victor. "We can't even save our own sorry asses, so what in the hell makes you think that you can?"

"I'm the bouncer, which makes me strong," said Yahiko. "I can take these two losers on with no problem."

"Sorry Yahiko," said Sano as he and Kenshin walked up. "You've been relieved of this mission."

He then turned his attention to Hyottoko and Shikijou.

"You two," said Sano, "Let them go and we won't give you any trouble."

"Yeah, I don't think you're ready to taste the might of my sword," said Kenshin as he began to unsheathe his sakabatou.

They both let go of Tommy and Victor and walked away.

"Thanks for saving us," said Victor. "We owe you one."

"Oh, come on Victor," said Tommy. "We could have easily taken them on. We could have completely destroyed them."

"Yeah, in your fantasy world," said Victor. "You have to remember, this is real life. We don't have any fighting ability whatsoever."

Back at the bar, Aoshi was talking with Kenji.

"I just wanted to be the best fighter," said Aoshi, "But then your stupid dad had to defeat me. He ruined everything."

"Listen," said Kenji. " You don't have to be the best at everything. You're still a fantastic fighter. Hell, you can even do that kaiten kenbu thing, which puts you light-years beyond me."

"You know what," said Aoshi. "You're right. I am one of the best fighters in Japan. I'm not going to let your stupid father control my life."

"Now, that's the spirit," said Kenji.

At 5:00 in the morning, all the gamblers left to go back to their pitiful lives. Sano and the rest of the gang packed up all the stuff and moved it back into the shed.

Sano and Kenshin then snuck back into their own homes once again.

That morning, Megumi awoke only to find Sano talking in his sleep.

"No!" said Sano. "You can't die Master Chief. We still have to defeat the Covenant."

She tried to wake him up by shaking him. Sano then opened his eyes.

"Uh…what's going on?" said Sano as he rubbed his eyes. "This isn't Halo."

"You were having a nightmare," said Megumi. "I'm going to go take a bath now, and then I'll get breakfast started."

She got out of bed and left for the bathhouse.

"I need more sleep," said Sano. "This running Bandoliers at night is going to kill me."

He then pulled the sheets over his head.

The rest of day went along as usual. During Kaoru's classes, Sano, Kenshin, and Kenji had meetings about what they were going to do for the following night. They decided that they needed more variety of alcohol for the bar. They went to the marketplace and picked up some Frangelico liqueur, Clan MacGregor Scotch Whisky, Seagram's Seven Crown American Wine, White Merlot Vin De Pays D'oc Table Wine, Chandon Sparkling Wine, Freixenet Sparkling Wine, Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur, and Vandermint Liqueur.

Around 9:00 at night at Sano's house, him and Megumi were getting ready for bed. Sano was lying on the bed thinking about what was going to happen tonight. He knew that he had to be at the parlor by 9:40 because they needed at least twenty minutes to set everything up.

Megumi came and sat down on the bed next to him.

"This whole money thing is still bothering me," said Megumi. "You bought me that white plum perfume, and that stuff's one hundred yen a bottle. I would just like to know how you could afford all this stuff."

"I told you," said Sano. "I do odd jobs during the day."

"But it just happened so fast," said Megumi. "Within a few days, our income has nearly doubled. That doesn't seem normal if you're doing odd jobs. The only way I could see it happening is if you got some high paying job like a government official."

"Well," said Sano, "I do a lot of jobs and they all pay very well. Besides, what's wrong with being able to afford the nicer things in life? We both deserve it."

"I guess your right," said Megumi as she finally got under the covers and lay down. "I've just been worried over nothing."

At 9:40, Sano, still in bed, turned towards Megumi to see if she was asleep. Once he figured out that she wasn't waking up anytime soon, he got out of bed quietly. As he was about to walk out of the room, he looked back and stared at Megumi as she peacefully slept.

"How can I deceive and lie to the one that I love more than anything else on this planet?" whispered Sano to himself. "Oh well, I'm making a ton of money."

He then snuck out of the house and went over to Kenshin's.

When he got there, the rest of the gang already was unloading the stuff from the shed and was putting it in the dojo.

Kenji and Kenshin got the bar ready, while everyone else put out the games and set them up.

They finished everything at exactly 10:00. They then opened the doors and waited for the patrons.

"Hey Scruffy," said Sano as he saw him walk in the door. "See that you've came back for a second round of gambling."

"I still think that since you're my friend," said Scruffy, "You should just give me free money."

"You know I can't do that," said Sano. "The point of this gambling parlor is to make money off you, not give you money."

Scruffy then went up to the bar and sat down.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kenji as he noticed him. "You have your own bar. Why don't you go there to drink?"

"Well," said Scruffy, "You have better drinks than I do. I'll have a cup of Vandermint Liqueur."

Kenji got out a glass and poured some in it. He then slid it down the table to Scruffy. Scruffy grabbed it and took a swig.

"Kenji," said Yahiko as he came up to the bar. "If we get a chance tonight, we should go gamble ourselves."

"I don't know," said Kenji. "I think we should ask my dad first."

Kenshin then came up to the bar.

"Kenji," said Kenshin as he sat down. "Give me some Clan MacGregor Scotch Whisky."

"But I thought that you weren't suppose to drink while on the job?" asked Kenji.

"Well," said Kenshin, "You're not supposed to be selling alcohol because you're under age."

"Ah, touché," said Kenji.

He then poured him a cup and gave it to him.

"Hey, can Yahiko and I have some money to gamble later," said Kenji. "You know, when the crowd dies down."

"Sure," said Kenshin.

He hen pulled twenty yen out of his wallet and gave Yahiko and Kenji each ten.

"Thanks," said Kenji.

"Yeah, thanks," said Yahiko.

Kenshin then finished his drink and went back to work.

"Dude, said Yahiko, "Your dad can be cool sometimes."

Kenji just looked at him.

"I'm only saying that because he gave me something," said Yahiko. "Most of time I think he's an idiot."

Kenshin worked the floor for a while, but then decided to take one of his "whenever-he-feels-like-it breaks." He stood by the door to greet people, so it looked like he was working. Everything was going quite nicely, until an unexpected person decided to show up.

"Hajime Saitou!?" exclaimed Kenshin as Hajime entered the establishment. "What are you doing here? I thought you hated me because of us being on opposite sides of the revolution and all."

"Yes," said Hajime. "That is true. However, I cannot resist gambling and large quantities of alcohol."

"But I thought," said Kenshin, "That when you drank alcohol, you had a desirable urge to kill people."

"That's why I'm here," said Hajime. "I need amusement."

He then picked Kenshin up by his shirt and lifted him in the air.

"All I can say is," said Hajime as started into Kenshin's eyes, "Is that you better pray to Buddha that this gambling hall meets my expectations."

He then dropped Kenshin on his but on the ground.

"Uh…you'll have to leave your nihontou here," said Kenshin as he looked up at Hajime.

He took is sheath and sword out of his belt and dropped them in Kenshin's lap.

"Here," said Hajime. "I will give you a chance to hold a real sword for once. Maybe it'll convince you to throw away that stupid sakabatou and get one of these. You can then come and join me in the real world."

He then started to walk away.

After couple of steps he turned back to Kenshin and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. If that sword as any marks on it when I come back for it, I will paint this gambling hall with your blood."

He then went off to gamble.

"Sheesh," said Kenshin as he got off the ground. "What crawled up his ass and died?"

After Scruffy was done sucking down alcohol, he went to play craps with Dr. Gensai.

Scruffy lost all his chips in just a few games and started complaining.

"Damn it," said Scruffy to himself. "I lost all my chips. Wait, maybe I can buy some more."

He pulled out his wallet and looked inside. There was nothing in it.

"I don't even have any money left to buy chips," said Scruffy louder than before. "This really sucks."

"Did you here that," said Kenshin as he ran up to Sano. "Scruffy is out of chips and doesn't have any money to buy more."

"Go get Yahiko," said Sano as he squinted his eyes.

Kenshin ran to find Yahiko.

"Scruffy," said Yahiko as he walked up to Scruffy. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Yahiko then pulled his shinai out of his belt.

"The easy way," whined Scruffy.

Yahiko put his shinai away, grabbed Scruffy's shirt, and dragged him to the entrance. He tried to pick him up and throw him off the porch, but it wasn't working. He then had an idea.

"A little help," said Yahiko as he stepped back from Scruffy.

"Sure," said Scruffy.

He then ran off the porch and jumped off. He landed face first on the ground.

"And stay out!" yelled Yahiko as he wiped his hands.

He went back inside to continue his duty.

Back inside, Hajime was winning big. He played every game and won at them all. He grabbed all his chips and took them to Sano so he could get cash.

"You can't be serious," said Sano as Hajime plopped all his chips in front of Sano.

"Indeed I am," said Hajime. "I want to trade them in for money, and do it fast."

Sano counted all the chips and found the proper amount of money. He gave it to Hajime.

Hajime furiously grabbed the money out of Sano's hand. He then went back to the front to get his nihontou so he could leave.

Kenshin saw him coming and got his weapon ready.

Hajime then came up to him and said, "Well, your gambling establishment passes my test. Now, let's see about my sword."

He took the nihontou from Kenshin and pulled it out of the sheath. He looked over it to see if was in the same condition that it was when he left it.

"Um…it seems to be proper condition," said Hajime. "Guess what Himura? Your life as been spared…for now."

He then punched Kenshin in the stomach and walked out of the dojo laughing all the way.

Kenshin hunched over, held his stomach, and fell to his knees. He tried his hardest not to cry.

At 5:00 A.M., Sano and the gang kicked everyone out. They then packed up all their stuff and threw it in the shed. After that was done, they all went off to their homes.

When Kenshin got to his bedroom, he tiptoed quietly to the bed. When he got there, he found Kaoru sprawled all over it.

"Oh, man," whispered Kenshin to himself. "Now what am I going to do?"

He knelt on the bed and gently flipped Kaoru on her side, so that he could have a place to sleep. He went under the covers and went to sleep. When Kenshin finally got up, he just lounged around all day (which was not any different than any other day). Then Sano came over and dragged him over to the marketplace to buy more booze for tonight.

At 9:30 P.M. everybody got to the dojo. By this time they got the setup part down to a lean twenty minutes, so it was relaxation city for the last ten.

"This whole gambling thing is great," said Kenshin. "Besides the occasional drunks, harassment from costumers, messes, and extraction of unruly patrons, this was a great idea."

As the gang was talking, a sword policeman was walking by. He walked up the dojo in the most casual manner.

"Excuse me, but I heard that a gambling parlor is being run in this dojo at night. And of course gambling is illegal."

"Why would you think that?" asked Kenshin.

"Because sword policemen assigned to this precinct complained to the office about this place. Apparently a lot of people come here and there's a lot of noise. Also you guys have the door open and I can see all the gambling equipment inside. I take it you have something to do with it," said the sword policeman.

"Gees. You see some gambling equipment in a dojo and you think we're up to something. The police force is so corrupt nowadays," said Kenshin.

"Don't mind my lackey," said Sano. "It's all true but you didn't see anything."

Sano held out a wad of cash.

The sword policeman took it and counted it.

"Nice amount, you must be pretty successful here. All right gentlemen, you're clear."

Then he winked at Sano and said, "It turns out those complaints were nothing but rumors."

He walked away whistling a tune.

"I can't believe you bribed a sword policeman," said Katsu. "You're no longer the Sano I used to know."

"Calm down Katsu," said Sano. "It doesn't hurt to grease the wheels of justice once and awhile. Now let's make some more money."

Everybody cheered and went inside to the dojo. During the night the typical crowd came in. The air was thick with all the smells from the different kinds of drinks Kenshin and Sano bought.

All of a sudden there was a spurt of blood. Victor ran over to Dr. Gensai.

" Dr. Gensai, somebody cut themselves up while playing blackjack."

"I'm on it," said Dr. Gensai.

At 11:00 P.M., a very special guest arrived. It was Lord Yamagata. He came in surrounded by a bunch of bodyguards. Sano came over quickly to greet him.

"Hello Lord Yamagata," said Sano. "Thank you for coming to our fine gambling establishment."

"Much obliged," said Lord Yamagata. "Nice place. It's so robust and cozy. Tell me, do you have three-card Monty here? I love that game but it's so hard to come by these days."

"Yes we do sir. Follow me," said Sano.

Sano went over to the three-card Monty table and shouted, "Get the hell away from here you peons! Lord Yamagata wants to play and he deserves some privacy."

All the people quickly ran away from the table fearing their lives. Lord Yamagata sat down and his bodyguards took their position. Sano went over to the bar and sent Kenji over with a glass of wine.

"Here you go Lord Yamagata," said Kenji. "This is our finest wine and it's on the house. Enjoy."

Lord Yamagata took the wine, smelled it, swirled it around, and took a sip.

"This is delicious my dear lad," said Lord Yamagata.

Kenji bowed and went back to the bar.

Sano went over to Kenshin and they sat down in the back somewhere. Tonight they were wearing suits, ties, and derby hats. Kenshin took out two cigars and gave one to Sano.

"You really enforced a nice dress code for the employees," said Kenshin. "Before you know we'll be at the top."

"Lord Yamagata coming here really showed us we're in the big leagues now," said Sano. "If we stay on his good side long enough, we'll be hanging out with all the big wigs. By the way, what's that in your coat?"

"Oh, this thing," said Kenshin.

He pulled open his coat to reveal a leather holster strapped to his side. Inside was a revolver.

"I'm going to try out Russian roulette tonight," said Kenshin.

"You know, I think we need some entertainment. See you later Kenshin," said Sano.

He got off the floor and went over to Katsu who was helping Kenji serve drinks.

"I think you should perform tonight in honor of Lord Yamagata," said Sano.

"Okay. I have a great routine lined up. When do you want me on?" asked Katsu.

"Now would be a good time, while everybody's still sober" said Sano.

Katsu made his way up to the front of the dojo. He threw some flash bombs to capture everybody's attention. Once everybody was looking at the front, Sano introduced him.

"Tonight we have some entertainment. I want everybody to give a warm welcome to Katsuhiro Tsukioka. He will be performing…uh…a bunch of different things for your pleasure this evening," said Sano.

Everybody clapped.

"Go Katsu!" yelled Victor.

"Take it off!" yelled Tommy.

Victor turned to Tommy and stared at him.

"Sorry, force of habit," said Tommy.

Katsu's routine consisted of standup observational comedy, magic, explosions, miming, and a musical number.

For the musical number, Katsu snapped his fingers and did some really weird jig. The song went something like this:

_Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm yeah yeah  
Holy diver you've been down too long in the midnight sea oh what's becoming of me  
Ride the tiger you can see his stripes but you know he's clean oh don't you see what I mean  
Gotta get away holy diver yeah… _

The crowd was utterly silent. Most people had their mouths open. Kenshin was shaking his head.

"His cover of this song is almost as bad as the one Pat Boone made," said Sano.

In the middle of this atrocity, Lord Yamagata yelled, "Boo! Have this man arrested for public disturbance!"

Two bodyguards went up to the front and took Katsu away.

After cheering for Lord Yamagata for a few minutes, the gambling resumed.

Kenshin got the Russian roulette table set up, and a crowd quickly gathered around.

"Listen up people," said Kenshin. "The name of the game is Russian roulette."

He took out the revolver, placed a bullet in the chamber, and then spun the chamber.

"I'll even play to show you the game's not rigged. I'll go first so you know how it's done," said Kenshin.

Kenshin put the gun against his head when Kaoru and Megumi walked through the door. Kaoru walked up to Kenshin and took the gun out of his hand.

"If anyone's going to do that, then it's going to be me," said Kaoru.

Kenshin turned around and gazed upon the most furious women he ever saw.

Lord Yamagata saw Megumi and Kaoru and said, "Cool, chicks."

Megumi walked over to him and said, "We're not chicks. We're women."

Then she slapped him.

Lord Yamagata rubbed his cheek and said, "Ooh, feisty."

"Kenshin, the first part of your punishment is to kick everyone out. Then you're going to get rid of all your gambling stuff, and finally you'll come home…where you will receive the third and final part of your punishment," said Kaoru.

Megumi walked over to Sano.

"Sano, as of right now, you are court-martialed. Stop the madness and report back home."

Sano and Kenshin both grumbled and shagged all the costumers out of the dojo.

As Lord Yamagata walked outside with his bodyguards he said, "Release Katsu. Those two women who crashed the party will probably put up a stink for this too. If they can stop a gambling ring, who knows what else they can do."

The bodyguards released Katsu and he went back to the dojo. Inside everybody was cleaning it up. Megumi and Kaoru were also chewing out everybody.

"Dr. Gensai, you should be ashamed of yourself," said Megumi. "I respected you as a professional, but you're really just a sleaze ball."

"Don't get your obi in a twist," said Dr. Gensai. "It was all in good fun. I better get home, all this nagging has worn me out for one day."

"Come on Tommy and Victor," said Katsu. "Let's go before Megumi and Kaoru give us the third degree too."

"The dream, it's over," said Tommy. "And to think, we never scored."

Victor patted him on the back.

"Don't worry, we still got our fishing jobs to look forward to," said Victor. "Oh what am I saying, our jobs suck."

"I'm out of here too," said Yahiko. "Kaoru seems more uglier than usual tonight, and it's more than I can stand."

Katsu, Tommy, Victor, Yahiko, and Dr. Gensai left the dojo. Kaoru and Megumi made Sano, Kenji, and Kenshin throw away all their gambling stuff. Since they didn't trust them, they watched while they did it. Then they all went home.

"Kenji, I want you to go to bed now," said Kaoru. "Also, your punishment will be to clean the workout clothes of all my students for a week."

"I'm too tired to care anymore," said Kenji.

He went to his room.

Kenshin and Kaoru changed and went to bed.

"I didn't want to say this in front of Megumi, but what you did was kind of sexy. Who would have thought you dopes would've had enough brains to do something like that. And on top of it, you kept it a secret from us," said Kaoru.

"You're not mad?" asked Kenshin.

"I'm a little upset because you did something illegal, and you should be punished. You're not allowed to hang out with Sano for a month."

"What am I going to do about a best friend then?" said Kenshin.

"Hang out with Kenji," said Kaoru. "You also could hang out with me."

"I rather hang out with the dunks, thieves, and weirdoes that were our customers. At least they gave me money," said Kenshin. "Oh, one last thing. How did you find us out?"

"It was an accident. I got up in the middle of the night to use the outhouse. I assumed you were on one of your late-night snack runs, so that didn't bother me. On my way there I noticed a lot of people, noise, and light coming from the dojo. I knew something was up and so I went to get Megumi and investigate," said Kaoru.

At the Sagara house, Megumi was also lecturing to Sano.

"I didn't want to say this in front of Kaoru, but your whole gambling scene was sexy. Who knew you screwballs could have come up with something like that. You even got Lord Yamagata to come, so I guess you were doing something right," said Megumi.

"Do I still have to be punished?" asked Sano.

"Yes you do. You went behind our backs and could've gotten in trouble with the police. You can't see Kenshin for a month."

"Who will be my best friend then?"

"It won't be Katsu. He kind of scares me with the whole bomb thing. I think you should stay away from that guy."

"Maybe I can hang out with Lord Yamagata, all though you smacking him didn't help. One more thing, how did you bust us?" asked Sano.

"It was because of Kaoru. She got up to use the outhouse and noticed Kenshin wasn't there. She thought he was getting a snack and went over to the outhouse. On her way there she saw something fishy at the dojo. She then got me and we investigated."

"We got found out because Kaoru had to go to the bathroom?" said Sano. "It was all an accident, how embarrassing."

The End


	18. Episode 18

HOUSE PEST

It was a calm cool evening. Sano was at the local gambling parlor playing dice with his friends. They also partook of the sake that was around them.

"Oh man," said Sano. "It feels good to get out. The last time I had an adventure was during last December."

"I can drink to that," Said Ginji. "So Sano, have any interesting stories to tell us?"

"Sure," said Sano. "Just refer back to episodes one through seventeen."

"What the hell are you talking about?" said Tomo. "I think Ginji's referring to bedroom antics."

"Hold it right there you guys," said Sano. "I don't think it would be right if I told you guys that kind of stuff."

"Don't be a wimp Sano," said Tomo.

"I'm pretty sure you have some dignity to spare," said Ginji.

"What should I do," said Sano is his mind. "If I give into peer pressure I might make Megumi mad, but Gingi and Tomo will think I'm cool. I'd be stupid not to do this!"

He took a deep breath and spoke, "All right guys, I'll tell."

Ginji and Tomo gave each other a high-five.

"Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," said Sano. "The way to a woman's heart is through romance. With all the right moves I can make Megumi melt like butter."

"Megumi melts butter for you to eat?" asked Ginji.

"No you moron," said Sano. "I said I could make her melt like butter. The key to doing this is to give her a foot massage. Boy, that can really turn her on. She also likes it when I tickle her and caress her butt. After that I get some and then we cuddle afterwards. Then we explode into passion and we go for so long that we completely loose track of all time. We do so many things that I can't remember them all."

"That was the second greatest story ever told," said Tomo.

" Spicy!" shouted Gingi.

The rest of the evening the three of them drank merely. Once Tomo threw up, they figured it was time to call it quits and went home.

The next day came and went as usual. It was dinnertime when Megumi got home from the clinic. She came in looking rather annoyed (more than usual) and went right over to Sano, who was shaving his face with one of the good kitchen knives.

"Sano, Ginji and Tomo came into the clinic today," said Megumi.

"Tomo threw up last night so that makes sense, but why Ginji?" asked Sano.

"He accidentally hit himself in the groin with a hoe, but that's not the point," said Megumi.

"You mean there's a point?" asked Sano dumbfounded.

"Yes there is. While they were at the clinic they kept gossiping about our love life," said Megumi.

"I wonder who told them that?" asked Sano in a cringing tone.

"You," said Megumi.

"That's just an assumption Megumi. You don't know that for sure," said Sano quickly.

"Sure I do. Ginji and Tomo gladly mentioned that it was you on many occasions. I know you don't have any shame Sano, but did you ever think that you might embarrass me?"

"Yes but briefly. You don't understand Megumi; I was doing it to be cool. Would you rather have me not say anything? Then you would be married to a dork. Think about that one for a while."

"That doesn't even make any sense. You gave out personal information and that's bad. Great, now the whole city probably thinks we're perverts," said Megumi as she put her hand on her forehead.

"It could be worse, we could be like Kenshin and Kaoru. There's a couple with a lot of problems," said Sano cheerfully.

"Sano, I'm going to have to think about this for awhile. I don't know if I can trust you anymore. I'm kicking you out."

Sano went and packed all his belongings. Megumi stood at the front, which was opened. Sano walked outside groaning. The door slammed behind him.

At the Himura house Kaoru was dusting the house. She had the door open to let in a cool breeze when she looked out to see Sano coming their way.

"No!" shouted Kaoru.

Kenshin and Kenji came into the room.

"What's wrong?" asked Kenshin.

"Sano's on his way over here with his bags," said Kaoru.

Sano got up to their door.

"Hey guys," said Sano. "I was just wondering if I could stay with you for a while."

"No!" shouted Kaoru.

"Megumi kicked me out for revealing personal secrets," said Sano.

"No!" shouted Kaoru.

"Let's take a vote," said Kenshin. "All in favor of Sano staying here raise your hands."

Kenshin, Kenji, and Sano raised their hands.

"No!" shouted Kaoru.

"Three-fourths majority, I win," said Sano.

"Can I call you uncle Sano?" asked Kenji.

"Sure kid," said Sano.

"No!" shouted Kaoru.

Sano walked into the house and then him, Kenji, and Kenshin disappeared. Kaoru tried to ignore this by finishing her cleaning. An hour went by and when Kaoru came into the living room, she found Kenji, Sano, and Kenshin lying on the floor. Kenshin and Sano were drinking sake.

"Your house is pretty cool," said Sano.

"No it's not," said Kenshin.

Kaoru interrupted them.

"You're supposed to be helping with the chores," said Kaoru in an aggressive tone.

"We're on break," said Kenshin as he turned his head.

Kaoru got a really weird look on her face.

"Why do you get a break?" she said.

"I married you," said Kenshin.

Everybody start laughing, except for Kaoru of course. Kaoru got a really angry look on her face and everybody stopped laughing.

"Gees Kenshin, I don't think you give Kaoru enough bedroom attention," said Sano.

"Shut up Sano," Kenshin said. "Now is not the time."

In a blink of an eye it was nighttime. Kaoru was lying on her bed in her night Kimono and Kenshin was lying beside her.

"Sano has to leave. He's only been here for a few hours but our house has already gone to hell."

"Hold on Kaoru," said Kenshin. "I let your stupid friends stay here when they come to visit."

"At least they can read," said Kaoru.

"Sano got something in his eye so he couldn't see very well," said Kenshin. Listen, maybe I can get you to change your mind."

He grabbed her hand and opened it. He then put some money in it.

"What the…" Kaoru said really angry as she stared at the money.

"What's the problem? Isn't it enough?" said Kenshin.

"No!" screamed Kaoru. "I can't believe that you would actually try to bribe your own wife."

Then the door opened and Sano came walking in.

He muttered, "I need another blanket. The blankets at my house are warmer." Then he tripped and fell in the middle of the bedroom.

"What are you doing in here?" questioned Kaoru. "You're supposed to knock before you come in here. Don't you have any manners?"

Sano got off the ground.

"Gees," said Sano, "At my house I don't have to knock to enter the bedroom."

"This isn't your house," said Kaoru. "This is our house. Now, leave!"

Sano took another blanket and left.

The next morning Kaoru went into the bathroom to take a bath. When she opened the door she found Sano in the tub with a pillow and two blankets.

Sano waved at her and said, "Top a the morning to you."

Kaoru just left and shut the door.

For breakfast Kaoru made rice balls filled with mushrooms and she boiled some potatoes. She also made tea.

Sano took a bite.

"Whatever doesn't kill you just kills you slower I guess," he said.

Kaoru looked at Sano.

"Calm down, that you should," said Kenshin.

He then turned to Kaoru.

"He's just a little upset over what happened at his house," he said.

"I'll let that slide," said Kaoru. " Well, I better get ready to teach my class."

Everybody left the kitchen but before Sano could leave, Kaoru grabbed his shirtsleeve.

"Here's a shopping list Sano," said Kaoru. "Go to the marketplace with Kenshin and Kenji."

Right after Kaoru left to teach her class, Sano, Kenshin, and Kenji left for the marketplace. On their way Sano folded the shopping list into a paper airplane and threw it in the air. The wind picked up and blew it into a stove that was in one of the shops. The paper burned into nothing.

"Ah oh," muttered Sano.

"Where's the list?" asked Kenshin.

"Kaoru never gave me one," said Sano.

"That doesn't sound like Kaoru," said Kenshin. "But she's been so busy lately with you and other things that I guess she just forgot. We can improvise though."

So like any red-blooded males, they wondered around the marketplace trying to find stuff that they thought was on the list. After they had all the stuff they thought they needed, they headed back to the Himura dojo.

"What in the hell did you buy?" screamed Kaoru as she was digging around though the food that they bought. "I didn't tell you to buy squid, sake, frogs, a five gallon barrel of soy sauce, or a huge amount of Captain Sagara caricature. Why didn't you buy the things that were on the list?"

"Uh, about that," said Sano. "We had technical difficulties."

"How in the hell can you have technical difficulties?" yelled Kaoru. "It's a friken list!"

"Well not anymore," said Sano. "I turned it into a paper airplane and accidentally threw it into a stove at the marketplace."

"You did what!" screamed Kaoru yet again, but this time clenching her fists.

"Whoa, calm down everybody," said Kenshin. "We don't need any fights because I would have to clean up the mess. We can still eat this stuff, well most of it."

For dinner, Kaoru basted the frogs and squid in soy sauce and then grilled them. After the food was done cooking, everybody gathered around the table to eat it.

"This sucks," said Sano after he took a bite out of his frog. "It's all burnt and dry. Now, the frog I had when I met Anji on my way to Kyoto was good. This frog doesn't even compare to that one."

"Shut up and eat your food," said Kaoru.

She then turned her attention towards Kenji who was guzzling down his drink.

"Kenji, stop guzzling your water," said Kaoru. "No one's going to steal it from you."

"This isn't water," said Kenji. "It's soy sauce. We have enough to last us till the end of time."

"That's gross," said Kaoru. "You know that you're not allowed to eat or drink condiments in that manner. Stop it and drink water instead."

"You never let me do anything," said Kenji.

He then got up and left to go get some water.

"So Kenshin," said Kaoru, "What do you think of the food?"

"Well," said Kenshin, "Both the frogs and the squid are terrible, but the squid is the worse of the two. Does that help?"

"Well, it's your fault because you bought this junk," said Kaoru.

"But a good cook should be able to turn this junk into a delectable meal," said Kenshin.

After supper, the men decided to play cards in the living room. Their game of choice was poker.

While playing, Kenshin noticed that Sano looked sad.

"What's wrong?" said Kenshin.

"Nothing," said Sano. "It's just that this brings back memories. Megumi and I used to always play strip poker back at home."

"Okay, that disturbing," said Kenshin.

"Sano," said Kenji.

"What?" said Sano.

"I know this is going to sound stupid," said Kenji, "But why are you staying over here? Nobody has told me anything."

"Well…" said Sano.

"Sano," whispered Kenshin as grabbed his shirt and pulled his head in closer. "Remember, he's ten years old. You have to keep is clean."

"Okay," whispered Sano. "Don't worry."

He then gave Kenji his full attention.

"Well," said Sano, "Megumi is a communist. Since I wouldn't let her control every aspect of my existence, she got pissed off and threw me out."

"What's a communist?" asked Kenji.

"Well, wouldn't you like to know," said Sano as he patted Kenji on the head.

They played cards for an hour or so until they got bored.

"This is great having you over here," said Kenji to Sano as Kenshin was packing up the cards. "It's like I have two dads."

"No it's not," said Kenshin as he continued to put away the cards.

After he was done, he put his attention towards Sano.

"Now," said Kenshin, "I'm going to show you the room that you will be sleeping in, so incidents, like the bathtub one, won't happen again."

He led Sano into one of the many hallways to find his room.

"Do you know what any of these rooms are for?" asked Sano as they continued to pass through the hallway full of doors.

"Nope," said Kenshin. "Isn't this sad. I've lived in this dojo for ten years, and I haven't even seen a quarter of it."

They continued to walk until Kenshin found a room he liked.

"Here it is," said Kenshin as he went up to the door and opened it. "This is where you will be staying."

"Sweet," said Sano.

About a half hour later, Kenshin returned to his bedroom. He then started to put up Captain Sagara caricature on the wall.

"Why are you hanging up Captain Sagara caricature on the wall," questioned Kaoru as she was sitting on the futon and putting her hair in a braid.

"Sano had no space left in his room for this," said Kenshin, "And Kenji's room was over flooded too, so I decided that I got could stick the rest here."

"Kenshin," said Kaoru, "I don't like this. It's like Captain Sagara is staring at us."

"Don't be such a baby," said Kenshin as he finished hanging up the last one. "They're just pictures. They can't do anything."

"I don't feel comfortable," said Kaoru. "It's creepy having all these pictures of him in our room."

"Listen," said Kenshin as he walked over to the futon, "If the ghost of Captain Sagara comes to haunt us, I'll protect you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Kenshin pulled the covers back on the futon and laid down on it. He then pulled the covers over himself.

Kaoru just sat on the futon freaked out of her mind.

"You can go to sleep," said Kenshin. "It's not like he's going to come and brutally murder you in your sleep."

"Yeah," said Kaoru nervously.

She then got under the covers and lay down. She did her best to try and sleep.

In his room, Sano was lying on his bed under the covers looking at all the Captain Sagara caricature. After a few moments of wondering what it would be like if Captain Sagara were still alive today, he started to think about the situation at hand.

"This sucks," said Sano as he stared at the ceiling. "I hate sleeping alone. It's not any fun. There's no Megumi to kick me while in her sleep, no Megumi to call me a lazy bum, or no Megumi to annoy me with stories about the clinic that I don't care about. I wish I were back at my own house in my own bed with her."

The next morning Kenshin woke to a stressed out Kaoru.

"Kaoru, you look bad," said Kenshin.

"I didn't get much sleep last night because of those Captain Sagara caricatures. He kept haunting my dreams," said Kaoru.

"That's nice," said Kenshin as he was stretching. He got up to go to the bathroom.

Sano and Kenji got up, and then they all ate breakfast together. After Kaoru left for work Sano went to play with Kenji.

"Hey kid, you want to see my Zanbatou?" asked Sano.

"Sure Uncle Sano!" shouted Kenji.

"Just be careful. One slip up and its bye bye Kenji," said Sano.

Kenshin came into the room.

"Are you sure it wise of you to let him play with that thing?" asked Kenshin.

"I have never been more sure about anything in my life," said Sano.

Sano, Kenji, and Kenshin went outside. In about five minutes Kenji managed to slice the shed door in half.

"We'll just tell Kaoru a microburst came by and totaled the shed door," said Sano.

"What's a microburst?" asked Kenji.

"That's the second part to the plan," said Sano. "Hopefully Kaoru has no idea either, so she'll just believe it. Oh man, why do I feel so hyper today?"

The rest of the day went by and Kenshin and Kenji just snoozed under a tree. Sano went on a cleaning spree. He dusted and swept the house, swept the porch, washed the clothes, organized the shed, and scrubbed the floors. Kaoru came home to the cleanest house she had even seen.

"Sano probably thought he could try and get on my good side, but it's a little late for that now," said Kaoru in her mind.

Kaoru cooked dinner and everybody ate. Around ten o'clock Kaoru figured it was time to go to bed so she made everybody else go to bed too. Sano walked past Kenji's bedroom.

"Uncle Sano, can you tell me a bedtime story?" asked Kenji.

"All right," said Sano. He walked into his bedroom. "Did you ever hear the one about Captain Sagara's execution?"

"Yes," said Kenji.

Sano grabbed Kenji and started to shake him.

"I mean no I haven't," said Kenji as fast as he could.

Sano stopped.

"Well my dear lad, you're in for a real treat."

Kaoru walked up to the door. "You shouldn't be telling him stories like that."

"This story's educational. He's going to get a history lesson," said Sano.

"Arrh," Kaoru moaned.

She walked away.

Kaoru went to the master bedroom and lay down on the bed next to Kenshin. They went to sleep.

After Sano was done telling Kenji his bedtime story, Sano went back to his bedroom. During the middle of the night he had to go to the bathroom. When he got back to his room, he tried to go back to sleep. He laid there for an hour or so, but he couldn't. He then decided to go to Kenshin's bedroom because he didn't know what else to do.

He tiptoed up to their door and opened it a crack. He looked through it, but was confused at what he saw. He then opened it up the rest of the way, went up to Kenshin and shook him.

"How come there isn't any action?" said Sano as he shook Kenshin.

"Uh, what?" said Kenshin as he opened his eyes and tried to make sense of what was going on.

He then sat up and noticed who was shaking him.

"Sano, what are you doing in here?" said Kenshin. "Did something scare you or something?"

"No," said Sano. "I was just wondering why there isn't any action going on?"

"Kenshin, what's going on?" said Kaoru as she wiped the sleep from her eyes and sat up.

"Why are you two just sleeping?" said Sano. "This doesn't make any sense. You're supposed to be having a hot racy encounter."

"Sano," said Kaoru. "We're not going to do that while you staying over here."

"But Megumi and I did it when Kenji stayed over at our house that time you went to that lame cranberry festival," said Sano.

"You did what?" said Kaoru.

"Calm down," said Kenshin. "I'm sure they had a good reason for why they did it."

"Yeah," said Sano. "It's because we wanted to."

"You're sick," said Kaoru. "Now get out of our bedroom before I make Kenshin throw you out."

"What?" said Kenshin. " Are you incapacitated? Can't you do anything for yourself?"

"I'm leaving," said Sano as he got up and started to leave the room.

"Man, this house sure is different from mine," he said to himself as he left the room and shut the door behind him.

A couple of days went by and a whole bunch of unusual things happened. It was ten o'clock at night and Kaoru and Kenshin were talking on heir futon.

"Sano has to leave," said Kaoru. "He's driving me nuts."

"He's getting on my nerves too," said Kenshin. "At first is was big fun having him be annoying, then it just got…annoying."

"And what's with his urge to clean everything everyday?" asked Kaoru. "The first few days he did absolutely nothing and now he won't stop cleaning."

"I have a theory," said Kenshin. "Maybe it's because he has all that passionate energy pent up and he doesn't know what to do with it."

"Now I want him out of here," said Kaoru. "It's only a matter of time before he snaps. I'm going right over to Sano's house tomorrow and talk to Megumi."

Kaoru kept her word. When she awoke the next morning, she went right over to Sano's house. Megumi was in the kitchen drinking some tea. Kaoru walked right into the house and went over to Megumi. Megumi fetched some tea for Kaoru and they had a nice talk.

"Before you say anything Kaoru," said Megumi. "I'd like to make the point that Sano's a turd."

"That's common knowledge," said Kaoru. "But really, I think Sano's beginning to see the seriousness of the situation."

"It's about time that bastard figured it out," said Megumi.

"Could you please keep your ranting at a PG-13 level?" said Kaoru. "We're two adults so lets handle this like adults. You know he's been obsessed with cleaning the house lately. He has so much energy and he doesn't know what to with it. If you ask me he's been punished enough."

Megumi started to cry a little bit. "I just don't know if I can trust him anymore. He's so irresponsible. I mean he just doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"You know what Megumi, he does care about you," said Kaoru. "He must be really proud of you if he keeps bragging about you and giving away secrets. His problem is that he just goes too far sometimes. Look at Kenshin. He never talks about me and he tries to keep our marriage a secret from people."

Megumi stopped crying. "At the clinic, Sano's friends seemed to admire the stories; it wasn't like they were laughing at us."

"There you go," said Kaoru. "People think he's lucky because of what a great woman he has."

"I never thought about it like that before," said Megumi. "Send Sano over here because I want to talk to him."

Kaoru flew out of the kitchen and raced over back to her house as fast as she could. Sano was in the living room with Kenshin. He was showing him how to fake injuries to get out of doing housework.

"Sano," said Kaoru as she panted. "Megumi wants you to comeback."

"My love dumpling wants be back!" shouted Sano.

He ran out of the house.

Kenshin cringed.

"Love dumpling?" said Kenshin. "I think I'm going to puke."

Kaoru walked over and punched him in the arm.

"Ouch," said Kenshin as he rubbed his shoulder.

Sano went up to the porch where Megumi was standing. Megumi started to speak but Sano put his finger on her lips.

"Let's make up this way," said Sano. "I think Dr. Genzai won't mind if you come in a couple hours late."

He swept her off her feet and he carried her into the house. The door closed behind them.

Kenshin and Kaoru were standing on the porch at their house.

"Another story with a happy ending," said Kenshin.

"And another story where I saved the day and you didn't do anything," said Kaoru.

The End


	19. Episode 19

IT TAKES TWO

It was just at the beginning of dinnertime. Kaoru made some sort of noodle dish with grilled vegetables and thinly sliced pieces of beef (Sounds good, uh? Yeah, right!). Kaoru put the huge bowl of food on the table. She sat down and waited for a few minutes, but neither Kenshin nor Kenji showed up.

"Where could those two be?" said Kaoru as she got off the ground and went looking for them.

Kenshin and Kenji were in the dojo whacking each other with Kaoru's bokkens.

Kaoru came into the dojo and yelled at them.

"Don't play around with those," said Kaoru as she marched up to them.

She then took the bokkens away from them.

"Show some respect," said Kaoru as she put them back on the wall. "These are learning tools of the Kamiya Kasshin style. They're not meant to be played around with like this."

"Mom," said Kenji, "They're wooden sticks that you beat people with. We were using them for exactly what they were designed to do."

"Were you protecting anybody with them?" said Kaoru.

"Uh…no," said Kenji.

"See," said Kaoru, "You weren't using them for the correct purpose. You were just messing around with them. Come on, dinner's already on the table. Let's go before it gets cold."

As they walked back to kitchen, Kaoru gave Kenshin a lecture.

"I'm surprised at you," said Kaoru. "You're twenty-eight and you act like you're ten. You should really grow-up. Besides, Kenji needs a dad, not a friend."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "I'm a dad. I'm just a less strict one that likes to have fun."

"Exactly," said Kaoru. "A half-assed one."

"And I suppose you're the perfect mom?" said Kenshin. "You can't even cook."

The both of them just argued till they got to the kitchen.

During dinner, Kenji kept talking about their little event in the dojo.

"If mom didn't come in and make us stop," said Kenji, "I would've won."

"I was Hitokiri Battousai," said Kenshin. "What makes you think that you could've won?"

"So!" said Kenji. "That doesn't mean anything. I would've…oh, who am I kidding, you would've slaughtered me."

They finished dinner in a half hour. Kenji and Kenshin helped Kaoru clean all the dishes and everything for they feared her wrath.

When they were done, Kaoru thought it would be fun if they took an evening stroll. Since there was absolutely nothing else to do, Kenshin and Kenji accepted the offer.

However, this little stroll turned out to be a two-hour journey. First, Kenji got lost in the marketplace, so Kenshin and Kaoru had to find him. That took some time. Then they somehow managed to run into Tomoe. This then led into a huge discussion between her and Kaoru that covered everything from feminine stuff to politics. That took up a good half hour. Then Kenshin had to save Scruffy from some robbers.

It was around ten' clock when they got back home. When they walked in the door, Kenji just went straight to his room because he was exhausted.

Kenshin and Kaoru went to their bedroom. They put on their nightclothes and got on the futon.

"Kenshin, I thought it was sweet that you helped Scruffy," said Kaoru, "But did you really have to use the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki on them. Didn't you think it was a bit overkill."

"Nonsense," said Kenshin. "They asked for it, and besides, I have to keep practicing it or I'll get crappy at it."

Then they went to sleep. After an hour or so, there was a large crash that woke both of them up.

"What was that?" said Kaoru as she sat up on the futon. "Could it be robbers?"

"It can't be," said Kenshin. "We don't have anything that they'd want to steal. Stay here. I'll go investigate."

He got off the futon and left the room.

He found Kenji in the kitchen with his sakabatou. Apparently, Kenji broke the table in half with it.

"Give me that," said Kenshin as he took the sword away from Kenji. "Your mom is going to go ballistic. Not only are you going to get in trouble, but my ass will be grass too. Also, how did you get this anyway?"

"Earlier tonight, I snuck in to your room and took it," said Kenji.

"Oh, that's nice," said Kenshin. "You manage to steal something from my room and then vandalize the kitchen table. Only you could commit two felonies in the same night within minutes apart of each other. Just go back to bed, and we'll deal with this in the morning."

Kenji went back to his room and Kenshin went back to his.

Kenshin entered the room and got on the futon.

"What happened?" said Kaoru.

"I swear that boy ain't right," said Kenshin. "Kenji broke the table in half with my sakabatou. Don't throw a fit now. We'll deal with it in the morning."

"That's fine," said Kaoru. "I'm too tired to anyway."

Kaoru and Kenshin both laid back down on the futon.

Kenshin just starred at the ceiling and thought to himself, "Why did we ever have a kid."

Kenshin then continued to stare at the ceiling and had a flashback to end all flashbacks (expect for the one in episode four)…

It was a sunny morning. The air was fresh and the bustling workday was just about to begin. Megumi, Kenshin, and Kaoru were up and they were eating breakfast. Megumi made breakfast because Kenshin wanted to give Kaoru a break (we all know the real reason why).

While Kenshin was eating he said, "I like having two women living here. It's kind of like having my own pair of sexy slaves to do my every bidding."

Kaoru and Megumi just looked at each other and then went over to him and slapped him.

"Okay, I mean indentured servants," said Kenshin as he rubbed his cheek.

"What do you two have planned for today?" asked Megumi.

"Well," said Kaoru, "Today I start teaching my Kamiya Kasshin style. My classes are at ten in the morning and two in the afternoon. I finally managed to find students for my classes. Though I don't know how I'm going to survive my classes because I'm kind of exhausted from last night."

Megumi's eyes lit up and she said, "Give me all the spicy details."

"What spicy details?" said Kaoru. "Kenshin just snored a lot last night."

"Oh," said Megumi in a bored tone.

"Hey Kaoru," said Kenshin. "You should go prepare for your classes."

"Good idea," said Kaoru. "I want to make a good first impression on my students."

"That reminds me," said Megumi. "I better get down to the clinic before Dr. Genzai docks my pay."

"Oh, he wouldn't do that," said Kaoru.

"Want to make a bet?" said Megumi.

Megumi left for the clinic and Kaoru went to the dojo to prepare for her classes. This then left Kenshin sitting at the table all by himself.

"Sweet," said Kenshin to himself. "I can now go do something that is productive, highly intelligent, and requires lots of thought. I think I will go watch the sword police men train and make fun of them for not being as good as me."

Around six o' clock in the evening, Megumi got home from the clinic.

Kenshin, Kaoru and Megumi said down at the table and had some Kaoru's awful cooking. After dinner, Megumi and Kaoru got into one of their conversations that went absolutely nowhere. Eventually, Kenshin couldn't take it anymore.

"I know!" shrieked Kenshin. "Let's go shopping."

Megumi and Kaoru got really exited. They got ready and went over the marketplace. Once all three of them got there, Megumi and Kaoru hit every clothes store they could.

Kenshin just stood there and said, "When I said shopping I assumed we were going shopping for food."

"That's no fun," said Kaoru as she was looking at some clothes.

"I need some sexy new clothes because I'm going to go visit Sano tomorrow afternoon," said Megumi. "I got Dr. Genzai to give me the afternoon off."

They spent the next three hours trying on clothes. Every time they found something they liked, which was everything they tried on, they gave it to Kenshin to carry. They went up to the counter, bought everything, and left. Kenshin had to carry all the boxes. They were piled so high that he couldn't see anything. Kaoru and Megumi were in front of him just jabbering away. They got home and Kenshin threw all the boxes on the floor.

Kaoru came up to him and said, "You don't throw boxes around like that. Pick them up and put them in the bedroom nicely."

Then she pinched Kenshin's butt.

Kenshin turned around and gave her a weird look.

"Boy-toy," said Megumi under her breath.

"Uh," groaned Kenshin.

He went and put all the boxes in the bedroom.

The next day, around three thirty in the afternoon, Megumi went over to Sano's apartment to visit him.

"Well, we have the whole house to ourselves Kenshin," said Kaoru.

Kenshin scratched his butt.

"I know exactly what we can do," said Kenshin. "Off to the bedroom."

Kenshin and Kaoru went over to the bedroom. Kenshin crawled onto the futon and pulled the blanket over himself.

"I'm going to take a nap. Make sure nobody bothers me," said Kenshin.

"You have the whole night to sleep. I thought we could spend some quality time together," said Kaoru.

She grabbed him and dragged him off the futon.

"Okay, as long as it's not something that will make me look fruity," said Kenshin.

The next thing Kenshin knew he was at the Rikugien (Japanese style landscape garden in Tokyo) and down 600 yen (300 per person to get in). There were hills, islands, forests, and ponds to look at. It took about an hour to get through the whole thing, but after a half-hour they took a break in one of the many teahouses.

"I think I'll have the houjicha," said Kaoru at the counter.

"I'll have some alcoholic tea or sake," said Kenshin. "It doesn't matter."

"They don't have that Kenshin," said Kaoru.

"Just give me the most manly thing you got then," said Kenshin.

Kenshin ended up getting the gyokuro.

"This is pretty good," said Kenshin.

"The name means 'the dew of jewels'," said Kaoru.

Kenshin quietly put the teacup on the table, took a deep breath, and said sternly, "That's it, we're out of here."

Kenshin got up off the floor, but Kaoru went over and plopped him back down.

After an hour of starring at flowers, Kenshin and Kaoru left for home. When they got there, Sano and Megumi were on the porch drinking tea.

"So," asked Megumi as Kenshin and Kaoru came up to them. "Where were you too?"

"We went to the Rikugien for a couple hours," said Kaoru. "I want to tell you all about it."

Since Sano had absolutely no interest at all about this, he decided to take a walk with Kenshin. Kenshin was thrilled because he was getting tired of women.

Sano and Kenshin walked around the outskirts of the city talking about various things. It included such topics as Kaoru's bad cooking, the origin of the universe, and embarrassing moments starring Captain Sagara. Then the conversation switched to a more serious topic.

"You and Kaoru have been married for a couple of weeks now," said Sano as they continued walking. "So, uh…"

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "Come on. Spit it out."

"Well," said Sano. "I was just wondering if you uh…did 'it'?"

"Did what?" said Kenshin.

"Oh, come on. You have to know what I'm talking about. Did you ever make love?"

"Oh…that. No. We're still virgins."

"Okay…have you at least seen each other naked then?"

"No," said Kenshin as he was still trying to figure out Sano's point to all of this.

"Kenshin," said Sano as he put his hand on Kenshin's shoulder, "I'm going to have to lecture to you all afternoon."

Sano led Kenshin to the part of the woods where Kenshin fought Jin'e Udou in episode seven.

"Hey," said Kenshin as he pointed at the wooden structure, "That's where Jin'e held Kaoru hostage."

"Yeah," said Sano. "That was a pretty intense battle. To bad I didn't…Hey! Don't mind that. We're here for another reason."

Sano made Kenshin sit on the ground. Sano then sat about three feet in front of Kenshin.

"I have brought you here for a purpose," said Sano.

"Is it to help you find a gift for Megumi?" said Kenshin.

"No!" said Sano. "We're here to talk about you and Kaoru's love life. Though, some gift ideas for Megumi would be appreciated. Now back to the point. You and Kaoru are married now, so now it's time to take your relationship to the next level. You do want to take it to the next level, right?"

"Yeah, sure," said Kenshin. "As long as its not too hard."

"Okay then," said Sano. "In order to take your relationship to the next level, you two have to make love."

"Hold on," said Kenshin. "How can I trust what you're saying? You and Megumi are virgins too. You haven't done anything."

"Well, duh!" said Sano. "We're not married. Oh, but that will all change once we do though…"

Kenshin just starred at him.

"Uh…never mind that," said Sano. "This is one of the cases where I have education over experience."

"Uh, how can you be sure that Kaoru wants to do this too?" said Kenshin.

"Trust me," said Sano. "She does. Besides its your duty as a husband to do this, and its also Kaoru's duty as a wife to do this. So, in the end, everybody wins."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Now, I get it. It's our destiny."

"Exactly. You're in control of your destiny, so make it a reality."

"Thanks Sano. I never would have been able to figure this out by myself."

"That's what I'm here for."

Kenshin and Sano finally decided it was time to go back to the Himura dojo. They didn't want the women to think that they abandoned them. When they got back, Megumi and Kaoru were still talking on the porch.

"Hey baby," said Sano as he walked up to Megumi and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey," said Megumi.

She turned her attention to Kaoru.

"We better get going," she said. "Sano and I are going to look for herbs for the clinic and then we were going to have a picnic dinner by the lake."

"Okay," said Kaoru. "She you later."

Megumi got off the porch, and then Sano grabbed her hand.

They then both left the dojo.

"They make such a cute couple," said Kaoru.

"I think I'm going to barf," said Kenshin.

"Oh, be quiet," said Kaoru.

That evening, Kenshin and Kaoru ate some fish stir-fry for dinner. Kaoru added some spices to it to give it flavor, but instead it just made it bitter.

"Well, I certainly didn't marry her for her cooking skills," thought Kenshin as he tired to force the bitter food down his throat.

After dinner, Kaoru cleaned the house, while Kenshin cleaned the outhouse. (Yes! I know it's gross, but it had to be done). After all their chores were done, they went to the marketplace to buy new socks, sandals, and hair ribbons. When they got back home, they decided to have some relaxation time. Kenshin made some tea, and they both sat at the table and talked. At ten o'clock, they called it a day and decided to go to bed.

Kenshin and Kaoru changed into their sleeping clothes and got on the futon. While Kenshin was lying there, he was thinking about what Sano had said. He was going to talk to Kaoru about what Sano had said, but then was interrupted.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru as she sat up on the futon, "I want to have a baby."

"You do?" said Kenshin.

"Yes," said Kaoru. "I always wanted to have a family."

"Hey, that would be cool," said Kenshin as he sat up. "I could teach it to like the things that I like and to hate the things that I hate. I would be a great father. Okay, so how do we go about having this baby."

"Well," said Kaoru. "I think we'd have to do 'it'."

"That's what Sano was talking about," thought Kenshin. "Oh, crap! Sano never explained how we were supposed to do 'it' and I never asked."

"But since my parents died when I was a little girl," continued Kaoru, "There was nobody to teach me this stuff, so I am not sure how to exactly do this. All I know is that if you want to have baby, you have to do 'it'."

"My parents also died when I was young," said Kenshin. "Also, my stupid master, Seijuurou, never had this talk with me either. So I'm just as clueless as you are. "

"Okay," said Kaoru. "We can figure this out. I think the first thing we have to do is take our clothes off."

"Take our clothes off!" said Kenshin. "But nobody has ever seen me naked except for me."

"Don't be embarrassed. You probably look fine. Listen we'll do this together. We both can stand up and take our clothes off at the same time."

"Okay," said Kenshin hesitantly, "But I still don't understand how you can be so calm about this. Aren't you scared too?

"Yes," said Kaoru, "But you have to conquer your fears or they will conquer you."

"True," said Kenshin.

They each got off the futon and stood on each side of it. They then both started to take of their clothes.

"This is going to be interesting," thought Kenshin as he undid his shirt. "I've never seen a naked girl before."

"This is going to be interesting," thought Kaoru as she undid her robe. "I've never seen a naked guy before."

Kenshin took of his shirt and dropped it on the ground. He then removed his pants and put those on the ground. He still had on his underwear.

"Come on Kenshin," said Kaoru as she was removing her robe, "You have to take it all off including your hair tie."

"Oh, man," said Kenshin.

He took the tie out of his hair and dropped it. He then hesitantly removed his last article of clothing. He then put it among his pile of clothing on the ground.

Kaoru finally took of her robe and undergarments and put those on the ground.

They then just starred at each other from across the futon.

"Uh, now what?" said Kenshin.

"Well," said Kaoru. "Judging by logic, we should get back on the futon."

"Okay," said Kenshin, "But should we lay under the covers or on top of them?"

"I don't think its matters," said Kaoru, "But let's lay on top of them since wer're not going to be sleeping."

Kaoru and Kenshin got back on the futon and lay on top of the covers next to each other.

"Now what?" said Kenshin.

"Let's see," said Kaoru. "I think we're supposed to…"

Note: Due to this story having a PG-13 rating, we cannot show you this explcit event. However, feel free to use your imagination. Because of this circumstance we shall start the story from the next morning. Thank you for your cooperation!

The next morning came as usual. The sun rose up in the western sky and started to pour light through the Himura household.

Inside the bedroom, Kenshin and Kaoru were still sleeping in their bed. They were under the covers, and Kaoru was right up against Kenshin with her head and hand resting on his chest. His arm that was at Kaoru's side was under her head and was resting on her back.

Kaoru was the first to wake up. She nudged Kenshin until he woke up. Kenshin yawned and then stretched a little bit.

"We did 'it,' I think," said Kenshin.

"I guess so," said Kaoru.

"Was it supposed to feel good?" asked Kenshin.

"I think so," said Kaoru.

"Then that must have been 'it,'" said Kenshin.

"Now what?" asked Kaoru.

"I feel like breakfast," said Kenshin. "I'm in a such a good mood right now that not even the crappiness of your food could ruin it."

Kaoru whacked him with the pillow.

"Come on, let's eat," said Kaoru.   
Later in the morning Sano stopped over to visit Megumi. He just kind of wandered inside the house without knocking on the door. He walked into the hallway and passed Kaoru, who was carrying towels.  
As he walked by, he said, "Hey Kaoru."

"Hey Sano," said Kaoru.

Then she turned around and said, "Sano?"

He kept on walking and found Megumi in the kitchen drying some dishes. He went up to her and picked her up.

"Hey Megumi," said Sano.

"Sano?" said Megumi.

He put her down.

Megumi punched him in the arm.

"You could of made me break a dish," she said. "Oh well, what a nice surprise this is."

She kissed Sano.

Kenshin walked by the kitchen.

"I remember when Kaoru and I used to be like that," he said. "Thank goodness we don't do that anymore."

Sano looked up at Kenshin.

"Go away you pervert," said Sano.

Kenshin quickly walked away.

"We can do something after I finish drying the dishes," said Megumi. "I have a couple more to do."

"Okay," said Sano.

He scampered off to find Kenshin.

After a few minutes of vigorously, searching, he found Kenshin in the living room.

"Hey Kenshin," said Sano. "You want to play some cards while Megumi finishes up with the dishes?"

"Sure Sano," said Kenshin. "Let's go get the deck. I think they're in the bedroom."

They opened the door to the master bedroom. When they walked inside they walked onto the Starship Enterprise. They found William Shatner and went over to the holo-deck. They turned it into a gambling parlor and then played cards.

"For the last time Bill, I don't want to by your new CD," said Kenshin. "I don't care if Henry Rollins guest starred on it!"

Just then Scotty came up to the table.

"Excuse me Captain Kirk, but the one of the automatic doors malfunctioned again. Spock got trapped in it and the door keeps opening and closing on him."

"This is the last time I'm getting him out of this," said Captain Kirk. "Damn government, why'd they have to cut the budget for the space program again?"

He got off his seat and left…

Kenshin woke up.

"What the hell?" asked Kenshin.

He turned towards Kaoru who was still asleep.

"I guess that during my flashback I must have fallen asleep and had a dream about Star Trek," said Kenshin in his mind. "Oh man, I got to go to the bathroom."

Kenshin tried to move but he couldn't because Kaoru was holding him. After a couple of tries he gave up.

"I can't get out, so now what do I do?" thought Kenshin. "I know, I'll pass the time by continuing the flashback…"

They opened the door to the master bedroom. When they walked inside they walked into a neat and tidy master bedroom. Kenshin walked into the closet, pulled out a deck of cards and they left.

They headed back the living room where they played.

"Sano," said Kenshin. "Kaoru and I actually did 'it' last night."

Sano's eyes got big.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yep," said Kenshin.

"I officially give you the title of "Master of the Love Making Style," said Sano. "Use your powers wisely my son."

When Megumi finished the dishes, Kaoru came up to her.

"Can I talk to you about something?" asked Kaoru.

"Sure," said Megumi.

They went and sat at the table.

"Kenshin and I made love last night," said Kaoru.

"Are you sure you didn't confuse this with something else," said Megumi.

"Of course, I'm not that stupid," said Kaoru.

"What was it like?" asked Megumi.

She was really interested now.

"I can't even describe it," said Kaoru.

"Good for you," said Megumi. "I can hardly wait until Sano and I get married, so that we can do 'it.' I'm especially looking forward to our wedding night. I'm so excited that I can barely contain myself."

"Uh," said Kaoru, "How can you be so confident that you two are going to get married."

"Honey," said Megumi. "Sano can't live without me. Trust me. We will."

They kept chatting for the next couple of hours. Their discussions ranged from how to boss men around, different hairstyles, and how to integrate integrals using integration by parts.

The next couple weeks went by as usual (that's why they're not mentioned). Then came the day when Kenshin got on Kaoru's case.

"Kaoru, you look fat," said Kenshin.

"Normally I would tell you to shut up, but this time you're actually right," said Kaoru. "Maybe the food I'm making is too fattening."

"No, it just tastes bad," said Kenshin.

Kaoru whacked Kenshin in the head.

"Anyway, I should probably go see Megumi about this," said Kaoru. "You can go shopping."

Kenshin went down to the marketplace to buy feminine items, weird weird feminine items that he never heard of. On his way back from his scavenger hunt, he ran into an array of characters.

First he passed Sano.

"Hey Kenshin," said Sano. "Looks like you have another mouth to feed."

"Are you drunk?" asked Kenshin.

Next he passed Dr. Genzai.

"Way to score!" shouted Dr. Genzai.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Kenshin.

Next he passed Lord Yamagata.

"Way to get Kaoru pregnant," said Lord Yamagata.

"Huh? Okay?" asked Kenshin.

Finally he passed Aoshi.

"Kenshin, you want to come over and look at my kodachi sometime. I just got it polished and boy is it shiny," said Aoshi.

"Come over at look my kodachi sometime?" asked Kenshin. "Holy William Shatner, Kaoru's pregnant!"

Kenshin ran back home as fast as he could. He found Kaoru outside hanging laundry.

"Kaoru," yelled Kenshin as he came running up to her. "Your pregnant!"

"I know," said Kaoru. "Megumi told me when I went to the clinic when you went shopping. I'm sorry you had to hear it in the marketplace and not from me. By the way, who told you anyway?"

"Aoshi," said Kenshin, "But he told me in an indirect way. He asked me if I wanted to see his kodachi, and then it hit me: You were pregnant."

"I can't believe it," said Kaoru as she walked up to him. "We're going to be a family."

She gave him a hug.

"Wow," said Kenshin. "I'm going to be responsible for another living thing. That's scary."

"Relax," said Kaoru as she was still hugging him. "You're going to be a great father."

Eight months and half went by as normal. During this period, Kaoru had morning sickness almost every morning; Kenshin had to do all the chores since Kaoru couldn't, and Sano came over almost every day and bothered them. Then, the big day finally arrived.

"Kenshin," yelled Kaoru as she was sitting on the futon.

"What?" said Kenshin as he walked into the room.

He then slipped on a puddle of water and fell on his back.

"Ow, my back," said Kenshin.

Then he picked himself off the floor.

"My water broke," said Kaoru.

"Gross," said Kenshin, "And I stepped in it. Uh…what does that mean anyway?" "It means that the baby's coming," said Kaoru.

"Oh my Buda!" said Kenshin. "What do we do?"

"We should get to the clinic," said Kaoru as she squinted in pain, "But I don't think I'll be able to make it."

"Okay," said Kenshin, "Where would you like to give birth then?"

"Our bedroom," said Kaoru. 'We're in here now."

"No time for that!" said Kenshin as he grabbed Kaoru's hand and pulled her off the futon.

He pulled her out into the hallway.

"Uh…the dojo," said Kenshin. "You can have the baby there."

They went to the dojo. When they got there Kaoru sat on the floor panting and wincing in pain.

"Stay right here," said Kenshin. "I'll go get Dr. Genzai and Megumi."

"Where am I going to go?" said Kaoru really pissed off.

"I don't know?" said Kenshin. "Shopping?"

He then ran out of the dojo and headed for the front gate.

When he got there Sano and Megumi just came through it.

"Hey Kenshin," said Megumi as Kenshin ran up to them. "We just came back from getting herbs. "We're now going to go…"

"Kaoru's going into labor!" screamed Kenshin.

"Where is she?" asked Megumi.

"In the dojo," said Kenshin.

"Okay," said Megumi trying to think straight. "Uh…Sano, run to the clinic and get Dr. Genzai. Kenshin go get some towels and head back to the dojo."

Sano ran out of the gate to the clinic and Kenshin went to find some towels. Megumi ran to the dojo.

After a few minutes, Kenshin came back to the dojo with some towels.

"Breath Kaoru," said Megumi as she was kneeling in front of her.

Kenshin brought the towels over to her.

"Thanks," said Megumi.

"Well, I guess I'll go now," said Kenshin as he turned towards the door to leave.

"No," said Kaoru. "I want you to stay."

Kenshin went over to Kaoru and knelt down by her side.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "I want to hold your hand."

"Sure," said Kenshin.

He stuck his hand out and she grabbed it.

A few minutes later, Dr. Genzai arrived.

"Sorry I'm late," said Dr. Genzai as he walked through the door. "I misplaced my medical supplies and I couldn't find them. The funny thing was…"

"Doctor!" said Megumi. "Normally, I would enjoy listening to your retarded anecdote, but now is not the time. Get over here and help me."

Dr. Genzai got down by Megumi, and they then got to work.

"Push!" said Megumi.

"What?" asked Dr. Genzai. "Me?"

"No!" said Megumi sharply. "Kaoru!"

Kaoru was now in a great deal of pain and screaming at the top of her lungs.

During all of this, Kaoru clinched Kenshin's hand extremely hard.

"Ahh!" yelled Kenshin "Kaoru, you're crushing my hand!"

Kenshin fell to the floor, still screaming, and curled up in the fetal position.

After a few minutes of Kenshin and Kaoru both screaming, obviously for different reasons, a third scream filled the air of the dojo.

"It's a boy!" said Dr. Genzai.

"I'm surprised you know that much," said Megumi.

"Hey," said Dr. Genzai. "Remember, you work for me. I can fire your sorry ass. Though, I'd have to grab it first."

Megumi slapped Dr. Genzai in the back of the head.

Megumi then wrapped the infant up in a towel and gave him to Kaoru.

"Thank Buda, it's over!" said Kenshin as he was still lying on the floor.

He sat up to find his wife holding their newborn son.

"What are we going to name him?" said Kaoru. "We didn't pick out any names."

"Oh, great! This is going to be loads of fun!" said Kenshin sarcastically. "Um…what about Gasuke?"

"I don't want my son to be named after a gangster," said Kaoru.

"What about Makoto?" suggested Kenshin.

"You want to name him after your successor?"

"What about Uki?"

"That's a girl's name!"

"What about Kenshin?"

"That's your name!"

"Okay," said Kenshin as he was trying to think. "Uh…how about Kenji? It sounds a little like Kenshin, but not quite."

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "I like that name."

She then looked down at Kenji.

"From this day forward," said Kaoru, "You shall be known as Kenji Himura."

For the next couple of weeks Kaoru rested and Megumi watched her closely to make sure there weren't any complications. This meant Kenshin had to watch Kenji. And when Kaoru got back on her feet, she had to teach her classes. Again Kenshin was in charge of Kenji.

Kenshin was changing Kenji's diaper in the living room, when Kaoru walked in.

"I'm on my way to teach my class," said Kaoru. "Oh, can I ask you one thing Kenshin?"

"Sure," said Kenshin.

"When you change Kenji's diaper," asked Kaoru, "Where do you put the dirty one?"

"I throw it outside," said Kenshin. "That's where they all are."

"Kenshin, that gross! They're all lying out in the sun. I'll yell at you later because I don't want to be late for my class."

Kaoru left for her class. Kenshin spent the morning watching Kenji.

"You look like you're getting tired Kenji," said Kenshin. "I'll put you in your room for a nap."

While he took Kenji to his bedroom Kenji threw up on him.

"My shirt!" shouted Kenshin. "My guess is you're getting practice in for when you have to eat Kaoru's cooking."

Kenshin changed his shirt and put Kenji to bed. After twenty minutes Kenji woke up and started to cry.

Kenshin rushed over and picked him up. He couldn't figure out why he was crying so he took him to the dojo where Kaoru's class was going on.

Kaoru noticed Kenshin coming into the dojo. "Kenshin, what are you doing here?"

"Kenji started to cry and I couldn't figure out why," said Kenshin.

"You know what?" said Kaoru. "He's probably hungry."

Kaoru turned towards the class.

"Class," said Kaoru, "Please excuse me for a couple of minutes while I feed Kenji."

Kaoru took Kenji from Kenshin and left the dojo. After she was long gone, a kid asked Kenshin, "Why don't you feed Kenji?"

"Because I'm not anatomically equipped," said Kenshin.

Kaoru came back to the dojo after ten minutes. She gave Kenji back to Kenshin and continued with her class. Kenshin took Kenji back to the house.

The next two years went by with the usual happenings. Kaoru made bad food that Kenshin didn't want to eat and taught her classes to the best of her ability, while Kenshin messed around with Sano and did his chores only when he was forced to. The only different things that happened were Kenji was driving both Kenshin and Kaoru nuts and Sano and Megumi got married.

First, Kenji was driving Kenshin and Kaoru crazy. Out of this time period, there was one memorable night that would live in infamy. It was around one o' clock in the morning and Kenji started to cry.

"I can't take this anymore," said Kaoru as she got off the futon. "I haven't got any sleep for the past couple of months."

She went into Kenji's room and picked him up.

Shortly after this, Kenshin came into the room.

"Is he hungry again?" said Kenshin. "Man, that kid's a pig."

"I already tried that," said Kaoru. "He isn't hungry."

"This would've never happened," said Kenshin, "If we didn't let our hormones get out of hand."

"Hey," said Kaoru. "We both wanted to have a kid. Thus, we agreed to put up with this crap."

Kaoru continued to hold Kenji and rock him for a half hour. Eventually Kenji calmed down and closed his eyes.

"Finally," said Kenshin.

Kaoru put him back in his crib.

Kenji then took a big yawn and said, "Booby."

He then was fast asleep.

"What did he say?" asked Kaoru.

"Hold on there," said Kenshin. "Let's go back to our bedroom, so we don't wake him up."

They both went back to their bedroom.

"I think he said booby," said Kenshin as he got on the futon.

"I can't believe it!" said Kaoru as she got on the futon next to him. "Kenji said his first word. But what I don't understand is why that word?"

"Well," said Kenshin, "It kind of makes sense because it's something that he's familiar with."

"Well," said Kaoru, "I don't care what the word was. This is absolutely fantastic. Our little boy is growing up."

They then both lay down and went to sleep.

The second thing to happen was that Sano proposed to Megumi three years after they first met. This was two years after Kenshin and Kaoru got married. They lived in Sano's little crappy little one room house, until Megumi could save up enough money (Yes! Megumi was the only person who worked). After she saved up enough money, Sano and her bought the place next to the Himura dojo and moved into it. What happened was that somebody built the house, but moved out because of the terrible smell coming from next door (the Himura dojo).

A couple days later Sano and Megumi came over to the Himura house to visit. They all went to the living room and Kaoru made Kenshin bring in the tea and the snacks. Everything was going fine for the next couple of minutes until Kenji started to talk.

"Booby!" said Kenji. "Booby, booby, booby, booby…"

Kaoru put her hand over his mouth.

"I'm so sorry about this," said Kaoru.

"He can talk!" said Megumi enthusiastically.

"I like the way the kid thinks," said Sano. "He's all right."

"But…where did he learn that?" asked Megumi.

"It sure wasn't from me," said Sano. "I haven't been here in a long time."

"It wasn't me," said Megumi.

"And I don't say those kinds of things," said Kaoru.

Everybody looked at Kenshin.

"The best you can do is assume I did it," said Kenshin. "Come on people, use your imaginations."

"Kenshin, it doesn't matter what you say because we all know you did it. Now let's talk about something else, shall we?" suggested Kaoru.

After this, the rest is well still history (Just like the flashback in episode four)…

"Oh, yeah," said Kenshin as he continued to lay there with Kaoru still sleeping with her arms around him.

A minute later, Kaoru awoke.

"Good morning," said Kaoru as she let go of Kenshin and sat up. "I'm going to go get ready and then start breakfast."

"Remember Kaoru," said Kenshin. "We don't have a table. Kenji demolished it last night."

"Oh, yeah," said Kaoru. "I'm going to kill that little punk."

Then she got off the futon and headed towards the door.

"Kenji!" yelled Kaoru as loud as she could as she left the room.

"Here we go again," said Kenshin.

He then left the room to see the show and to also make sure that Kaoru wouldn't pass out from screaming at Kenji.

The End


	20. Episode 20

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE KYOTO

It was a sunny afternoon. The sky was scarce of clouds and a gentle breeze blew through the air. Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji were on a stroll in the woods because Kaoru thought everybody needed exercise (See, Kenshin sat on the porch and fell through it, and Kaoru thought it happened because he was fat).

After an hour they finally got home. Kenshin and Kenji were exhausted from their hike. Kaoru wasn't really exhausted because she was in shape from her classes.

"I thought that went pretty well," said Kenshin panting.

"It did until we passed that chocolate shop and you gorged yourself on those free samples," said Kaoru.

"Hey, I took a silver bullet for Kenji," said Kenshin. "It's too late for me but maybe we can still save him from becoming out-of-shape."

They went up to the door of the house and opened it. Inside hanging upside down from a rope was a corpse soaked in blood. A note was attached to its clothing, and it read:

Hate is out of sight, waiting to ignite in Kyoto.

Hajime Saito

"I can't believe this!" shrieked Kaoru.

"I know, Saitou actually has pretty good handwriting," said Kenshin.

'No you dolt," said Kaoru. "It looks like Hajime wants a rematch in Kyoto. And from the looks of the body, I think that's want he wants to do to you."

"He really needs a life," said Kenshin.

"I'm going to fetch Megumi," said Kaoru.

She turned towards Kenji.

"Quit poking the body with a stick," she said.

"Sorry," said Kenji.

Kaoru ran over next-door and got Sano and Megumi. When they arrived, Megumi took a look at the body.

"I'm finished with my medical examination," she said, "And I have come to one important conclusion: he's dead."

"I could have told you that," said Kenji.

"He looks familiar though," said Megumi. "Oh yes, I remember. He's that guy that kept coming to the clinic because he liked me (please refer back to episode 15)."

"Too bad," said Sano. "I wanted to kill him."

He turned his attention towards Kenshin.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I knew sooner or later I'd have to face him again," said Kenshin. "It looks like I'm going back to Kyoto…again."

"Wow!" said Kenji. "This is going to be awesome."

"Hold on just a minute," said Kenshin. "You too aren't going to come with me because you'll cramp my style."

"Oh, yes we are," said Kaoru. "You need some people to support you, and besides, we're your family."

"Fine," said Kenshin. "You can come, but only if you promise not to get in the way. I don't want to loose my coolness."

"Yeah…we promise," said Kaoru and Kenji simultaneously.

"I'm coming too," said Sano. "I'm your friend and I want to make sure nothing happens to you. Besides, you might need somebody else who can actually fight."

"Hey," said Kaoru. "I can fight just as good as you or Kenshin. The Kamiya Kasshin style is…"

"Yeah," said Sano. "You can just keep believing that. Then when you're finished, tell us when you're ready to join us back in reality."

"Do you want me to come over and hit you upside the head?" said Kaoru.

"Bring it on!" said Sano.

"Stop fighting!" said Megumi. "We have a very serious situation going on here, and you too are arguing over some stupid little thing."

"You're right," said Kaoru. "Listen, I'll go get some boat tickets, so we can get there in a reasonable amount of time. Now, Megumi, are you going too? I need to know how many tickets to buy."

"No," said Megumi. "There's no reason for me to go. Besides, I need to stay here, so I can treat the patients at the clinic. Also, I can't let Dr. Gensai take care of the clinic by himself. Who knows what would happen?"

Kaoru left to go buy some boat tickets. As luck would have it, there was a boat that was leaving the next day at seven in the morning. She got the four tickets and returned home.

The next morning, Kenji, Kenshin, and Kaoru got up at five in the morning. They all got ready, packed up their stuff, and left for the front gate. When they got there, Sano was waiting there with his luggage.

"How did you get in here?" asked Kaoru. "I lock this gate at night."

"I have my ways," said Sano.

They then all left and arrived at the station at six and boarded the train with no problems whatsoever.

"Uh, Kaoru," said Kenshin as they sat down in their seats. "You said that you bought boat tickets. So, why are we on a train then?"

"Yeah," said Sano. "Come to think of it, this same exact thing happened on our way home after Kenshin defeated Makoto Shisho. You said that you bought boat tickets and then we took a train. What's going on?"

"I didn't tell you?" said Kaoru. "These tickets were transferable."

"Oh," said Kenshin, "I understand now."

"Yeah," said Sano. "That makes sense."

"I'm so excited," said Kenji. " I thought that I'd never see Kyoto in my lifetime."

"Well, I'm scarred," said Kaoru. "Kenshin, I would've preferred you not to fight Hajime. I thought the best thing to do was to avoid as many confrontations as possible."

"But this was inevitable," said Kenshin.

"No, it wasn't," said Kaoru. "He just left an invitation and you accepted it. If you just ignored it, you wouldn't be going there to fight him. This whole thing was your decision."

Just then, a familiar person happened to walk by their seats. It was none-other-than Zatôichi.

"Hey Zatôichi!" said Kenji.

"Hey, wait a minute," said Zatôichi. "I recognize that voice. It's Kenji Himura. What are you, Sano, Kenshin, and Kaoru doing here?"

"How did you know that?" asked Kenji.

"I didn't think that you'd be traveling alone," said Zatôichi, "And I assumed that Megumi wasn't here because of her job."

"Ooh, he's good," said Kaoru.

"So, why are you here?" said Zatôichi.

"Well," said Kenshin. "We're on our way to Kyoto because I have to settle a score with an old enemy from the revolution."

"Ah, yes," said Zatôichi. "You can take the man out of the revolution, but you can't take the revolution out of the man. Well, I wish you the best of luck with that."

"By the way," said Sano. "Did you ever find those leprechauns after you left Tokyo?"

"No," said Zatôichi. "During my journey, I eventually learned from some people that leprechauns don't exist. Thank Buddha that I found that out when I did. I was planning on spending the rest of my life searching for them."

"Well," said Kaoru. "I could have told you that."

"Same old Kaoru," said Zatôichi. "Always have to get your two cents in, don't you?"

"Why are you on this train?" asked Kenji.

"Well," said Zatôichi, "I originally bought boat tickets, but, like everybody knows, they're transferable, so I took this train. With that out of the way, I'll answer your question. I'm heading to Nagoya because I'm going to go to fish at Ise Bay."

"But," said Kaoru, "You can fish here. Why do you have to go there to fish?"

"Because," said Zatôichi, "It's the only place in the country where they'll let a blind man command a fishing boat. All the other areas band the practice after the 'Great Kanazawa Incident.' That stupid 'Old Man' Mumyouni had to crash his ship into the dock and take out fifty-three spectators and ruin it for the rest of us. Ah, well. At least Nagoya hasn't wimped out yet. Well, I have go find my seat. It was a pleasure seeing you all again."

"Same here," said Sano.

Zatôichi then left to find his seat.

"Wow," said Kenshin. "You were pretty nice to him. When you first met him, you wanted to kill him because you were afraid that he was going to steal Megumi from you."

"Yeah," said Sano, "But he knows his place now. He knows that if he tries anything, the police won't be able to identify his body."

The train left at seven like it was supposed too. After four hours of being bored out of their skulls, they finally arrived in Kyoto.

"I hope Zatôichi is okay," said Kenji as they got off the train, "Because when he fell off the steps, while getting off the train, at his stop, he hit the ground pretty hard."

"Trust me," said Kaoru. "The man's fine. Come on. When some people tried to help him off the ground, he almost started a street brawl."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "If that doesn't prove that Zatôichi is in perfect condition, nothing will."

They finally made their way from the outskirts of the city and into the active heart of it. They continued to walk through the city, while stopping to visit all the various shops. There were numerous occasions where Kenshin had to stop Kaoru from buying cheap novelty items. While walking through the city, Kenji finally came to an important realization.

"I have a question," said Kenji. "Where are we going to stay? Nobody has said anything."

"We're going to stay at the Aoiya Restaurant," said Kenshin.

" Do they know we're staying with them?" asked Kaoru.

"Maybe," said Kenshin. "They have ways of getting information you know."

"So they don't know," said Kaoru.

"I didn't say that," said Kenshin.

They got to the Aoiya Restaurant and took a minute to admire it. Then they made their way into it. Kenji took the luggage from Kenshin and Kaoru and flung it threw the front door.

Okina was standing on the other side of the door and the luggage hit him in the groin. He fell over, curled up, and started to scream. The door opened and the four of them walked in. Kaoru looked at Okina and put her hand over her face.

"Guess what," said Kenji. "We're staying over here and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

Misao Makimachi walked into the room. Her eyes lit up when she noticed Kenshin, Kaoru, Sano, and Kenji standing there.

"Kenshin, Kaoru, Sano, you came back!" shouted Misao. She ran over and gave them hugs.

Then she looked at Kenji.

"You must be Kenji," she said. "Wow! You look just like your dad and you're so cute."

Kenji's eyes got really big.

"You're hot!" he said.

Kaoru put her hand over his mouth.

"Uh," said Kaoru embarrassed, "Sometimes, Kenji doesn't understand what he says sometimes.

Misao started jumping up and down.

"I thought you dirt bags left me forever," she said. "By the way, why are you here?"

"I have a score to settle with Saito," said Kenshin.

Then he pointed to Sano, Kaoru, and Kenji.

"The deadweight's are here," said Kenshin, "Because they insisted on coming. We also need a place to stay."

She stopped jumping.

"Oh," said Misao. "For a moment I thought you guys missed me and wanted to come see me again."

"No," said Kenshin.

"Well, we're going to have lot's of fun anyway," said Misao. "Let me go get the rest of the gang."

Misao scampered off to find the other Oniwabanshu members.

After she left Kaoru whispered to Kenshin, "They really got to get her on some medication."

Misao returned with Omasu, Okon, Shirojo, and Kurojo.

"I'm glad that we're back here again," said Sano as they all entered the room. "Omasu and Okon are hot!"

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "They are hot."

Kaoru heard this, but just bit her tongue. She didn't want to create another scene.

Okina finally picked himself off the ground.

Kaoru then remembered the little incident that just happened several minuets ago.

"Oh, I am so sorry about this," said Kaoru. "Kenji usually doesn't do things like this. I have no idea what came over him."

"Oh, that's quite alright," said Okina.

Then he gave his attention to Kenji.

"Kenji," said Okina, "That was amazing. You actually found a way to sneak up on your opponent and incapacitate them in one blow. Keep this up, and I might let you join the Oniwabanshu."

"Wow!" said Kenji.

"No way!" said Kaoru. "My son isn't going to join some gang of violent ninjas who cause trouble."

"What!" screamed Misao. "Have you forgotten that we helped you fight Makoto's men? Heh, if wasn't for me, Kamatari would've killed you."

"Okay then," said Kaoru. "I can give you credit for that, but your fellow comrades aren't exactly 'strong warriors.' Iwanbou took them out in one shot."

"It wasn't our fault," said Kurojo. "He was so fat that nothing could penetrate him."

"Oh, now you're making up excuses?" said Kaoru. "How pitiful. I thought that you guys could at least act like real warriors and admit that you're weak."

"Stop it!" yelled Kenji. "This is stupid. We're all supposed to be friends, and besides, I'm the one who's supposed to cause problems, not mom."

"You know what?" said Kaoru. "Kenji's right. Wow! I thought that I'd never say that. Well, anyway, I'm sorry that I had to be such bitch and start this argument."

"It's okay," said Misao. "That happened along time ago. We should concentrate on the present, not dwell on the past."

"Okay," said Okina. "Since this little squabble is over, I now will show you to your rooms."

Okina took them all and showed them too there own rooms. Kenji and Sano got their owns rooms, while Kenshin and Kaoru got one to share. Kenshin wanted his own room, but Kaoru wanted them to take up as few rooms as possible. They all put their luggage in their rooms and got settled in.

"I don't get it," said Kenshin as they walked down the stairs. "If you wanted us to take up as few rooms as possible, why did you let Kenji have his own room then? Shouldn't he be sharing a room with Sano?"

"No," said Kaoru. "If Kenji shared a room with Sano, Sano would poison his mind with Captain Sagara stories and perverted ideas."

"Wow!" said Kenshin. "That's the first thing you said today that makes any sense."

While walking through one of the many, many hallways, they bumped into Misao.

"I have to go buy some food for lunch," said Misao, "And I need someone to go along to help me. Want to come Kenji?"

"Can I go mom?" said Kenji.

"Sure," said Kaoru, "But don't get into any trouble."

"Okay," said Kenji.

He then turned to Misao.

"Let's go," he said.

He and Misao ran off to go buy food.

"Why do I have this feeling," said Kaoru, "That they're both either going to come back seriously injured or dead."

Misao and Kenji walked around the marketplace. They bought a couple pounds of tofu, a huge barrel of rice, a bucket of daikon sauce, and numerous sauries. During this whole time, Kenji tried his hardest not to stare at Misao, but it just wasn't working. Amazingly, they were both able to lug all this stuff back to the Aoiya and also return in the same condition that they had left in. They got back around 11:50 a.m. This then gave everybody a little bit of time to prepare lunch.

Omasu and Okon cut the tofu and the saury into little pieces and cooked them in a skillet with the rice. It was like a stir-fry, casserole kind of thing, I guess. Anyway, after they were done making whatever this was, Okon left a knife on the table. After they left the room, Kenji came walking by the room.

"When we were buying food," thought Kenji, "Misao told me about her throwing kunai. That would be so cool if I could do that."

He then looked in the room and saw the knife. He had an idea. He went inside the room and took the knife. He then headed outside to try it out.

"I need a target that won't break when the knife hits it," he said to himself while he was looking around.

He then saw a rock.

"That'll do nicely," he said.

He took the knife and threw it at the rock. It hit the rock dead on and then it broke in half.

"Oh-oh," he said.

Everybody was gathered around the table ready to eat, except for Kenji.

"I'm going to go find Kenji," said Kaoru. "Make sure you save some food for me. I don't want to come back, and have it all be gone."

She got up and went to look for Kenji.

She checked his bedroom, but he wasn't there. She then went outside and found him by the rock.

"Lunch is ready," said Kaoru as she walked up to him. "Let's go get some food before Sano eats it all."

She then noticed Kenji holding a knife.

"What are you doing?" said Kaoru.

"Uh…" said Kenji, "Funny story. I threw this knife at this rock and broke it."

"Come on," said Kaoru.

She grabbed Kenji by his shirt and dragged him back inside.

"I am so sorry," said Kaoru as they came back in the room. "Kenji took one of your knives and threw it at a rock and broke it."

"That's my boy," said Kenshin.

"That's okay," said Okina. "As long as nobody got hurt, there's no reason to get upset. Besides, we have tons of them."

"Well," said Kaoru, "I think after lunch we'll go buy a you a new one."

"You don't have to do that," said Okina.

"I insist," said Kaoru. "Kenji broke one of your things, so we're going to go buy you a new one. Isn't that right Kenji?"

She then shook him by his collar.

"Yes," said Kenji.

"By the way," said Kaoru. "Where did you get this from?"

"We got it from Seiku Arai," said Okina.

Kenshin put his hands over his face and said, "Not that hippie."

Kaoru was good on her word. Right after lunch Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji went to get that knife. The three of them strolled up to his stand and Iori was outside playing. He noticed the three of them waling up to him and went over to greet them.

"Hello," said Iori. "Can I help you?"

"Yes," said Kaoru. "Can we please speak to the purveyor of this emporium?"

"Sure," said Iori.

He turned towards the stand.

"Dad," he yelled, "Some people are here at the crap shack and they want to speak with you!"

Seiku and Asuka came out of the shop.

"How many times do I have to tell you," said Seiku, "To stop calling our stand a piece of junk Iori?"

He stepped on a loose board and it flew up and hit him in the leg.

"Ow," said Seiku. "Damn it, I work in a worthless piece of crap."

He rubbed his leg and went over by Kenshin and Kaoru.

"Kenshin, Kaoru," said Seiku, "It's been a long time. Don't tell me you came all the way over here for a knife."

"No," said Kenshin. "Actually we're in town for a death match between me and Saito. We're staying over at the Aoiya and Kenji broke one of old man Okina's knives. We want to get him another one."

Kenshin gave him the broken on.

"This is the kind we want," said Kenshin.

Seiku's eyes lit up.

"I can't believe you broke one of my unbreakable knives," he said. "This Kenji you speak of must be the warrior of all warriors to do that."

He walked back inside the shop.

Asuka stayed behind with Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji. She took a look at Kenshin and Kaoru and then she looked at Kenji.

"So this is what Himura the Battousai had been up to for the last couple of years?" said Asuka.

"Don't even start," said Kenshin.

"Please tell me everything in extensive detail that happened to you guys since the last time you were in Kyoto," said Asuka.

Kaoru turned towards Kenji and said, "Why don't you go play with Iori?"

"Okay," said Kenji.

He scampered off.

"Let me see," said Kaoru. "Just to let you know, everything up until Kenshin and I got married is kind of dry. Anyway…"

"There's this hot chick at the Aoyia where I'm staying," said Kenji to Iori.

"Let me guess," said Iori. "It's Misao, right?"

"Yeah," said Kenji. "How'd you know?"

"Because," said Iori, "She's the hottest chick in the whole city."

Kaoru yelled in the background, "Kenji!"

Then Asuka yelled in the background, "Iori!"

Seiku came back outside with the new knife.

"I just finished this one this morning," he said. "You can try it before you buy it."

Kaoru took the knife and cut it against Kenshin's shirt. "This works well," said Kaoru.

Kenshin paid Seiku while Kaoru and Asuka talked some more.

"We'll have to keep in touch," said Asuka. "Let's exchange addresses so we can write letters to each other."

"Good idea," said Kaoru.

After exchanging addresses, the three of them left for the Aoiya.

They returned to the Aoiya and gave Okina his new knife. Then for the rest of the day, Okina took them on a tour of the entire city. He wanted to show them how the city had changed since the last time that they were there. The problem was that the city didn't change, so they ended up seeing all the same stuff that they saw the first time that they were there. When it got around six o'clock in the evening, Omasu and Okon made dinner. Actually, Misao wanted to make dinner, but since she had virtually no cooking skills, Omasu and Okon didn't let her. For dinner, they had shrimp stirfry with almost every vegetable known to man. Kenshin and Kenji had no idea that such good food existed because for the last then years of their lives, they had to eat Kaoru's slop.

After dinner, everybody did his or her own thing. Misao was so flattered about Kenji trying to emulate her with the knife that she decided to give him some lessons on using kunai. Kenshin and Sano tried to hang around Okon and Omasu, but Kaoru wouldn't let them. (You're probably wondering why Kaoru stopped Sano from hanging around Okon and Omasu. You probably want to know why Kaoru cares what Sano does. The answer is simple. She likes to have control over people). Because of this, Kenshin and Sano played cards with Okina, Shirojo, and Kurojo. Omasu and Okon decided to give Kaoru cooking lessons because of all the bad things that they heard about her cooking. (During the meals, Kenshin and Sano would always say how much better Okon and Omasu's cooking was then Kaoru's). Around nine o' clock, they all decided to turn in for the night.

"I can't believe we couldn't teach Kaoru how to cook," said Omasu as she and Okon walked down a hallway towards their rooms.

"Yeah," said Okon. "It's like she's supposed to cook bad."

"Well," said Omasu, "One thing I would like to know is how she screwed up heating up rice. She actually took rice, heated it up, and somehow made it taste bad. I didn't think that was possible."

"I'm just amazed," said Okon, "That Kenshin and Kenji are still alive. You'd think that they would've been poisoned somewhere along the line."

They reached their rooms and said goodnight to each other. They then entered and went to bed.

"I can't believe that Okina beat us in cards again" said Shirojo as he and Kurojo walked to their rooms. "He always wins."

"I swear he cheats," said Kurojo. "There's no way that he can be that good."

"Well," said Shirojo, "Look at it this way. At least we're not only ones who lost money tonight. Sano and Kenshin did too."

"Hey," said Kurojo, "You're right. They had to suffer just like us. But I still don't like the old man winning all the time."

They both got to their rooms and went inside them to go bed.

"I don't like this thing about Kenji liking Misao in this way," said Kaoru as she sat on their futon.

"What's the problem?" said Kenshin as he sat on the futon. "Kenji finally discovered women. It happens to every boy."

The door then opened and Okina stuck his head in.

"What are you doing?" shouted Kaoru. "Don't you knock?"

"I apologize," said Okina. "I'm just to used to not having company stay over here that I sometimes forget my manners. Well, anyway, I just came to wish you both a good night. Also, I don't want any fooling around in here. This is isn't one of you're romantic, erotic getaways."

"What?" said Kaoru. "We're not going to do that."

"Good," said Okina.

He then pulled his head back through the door and closed it.

"Sometimes," said Kaoru, "I think he should go on some medication like Misao should. I just don't understand what goes through his mind sometimes."

"He is weird," said Kenshin. "Hehe, he's so weird that he'd probably watch us if we did fool around."

"That's gross!" said Kaoru. "How can you even think of something disgusting like that?"

She then slapped him in the head.

The door then opened and Kenji came in. He was very excited.

"Mom, dad," said Kenji. "I just made out with Misao."

"Way to go!" said Kenshin.

"Don't encourage him!" snapped Kaoru. "Besides, I doubt that's what happened."

She then looked at Kenji.

"What actually happened?" she said.

"Misao kissed me on the cheek," said Kenji.

"That's not making out," said Kaoru. "That's not even kissing. That's nothing."

"Oh come on," said Kenji. "That has to mean something."

"You think that just because Misao gave you a little peck on the cheek," said Kaoru, "You too have a romantic relationship going on?"  
"Ah, yes," said Kenji.

"That's not a real relationship," said Kaoru. "Take for example…your father and I. Now, we have a real relationship. We've even done things that you can't possibly imagine."

"Kaoru!" screamed Kenshin embarrassed.

"I guess you're right," said Kenji. "But I'm still going to try."

He then left the room and closed the door behind him.

"I don't like where this is going," said Kaoru.

"Oh, let the boy dream," said Kenshin.

Before Kenji wanted to go to bed, he wanted to see what Sano was doing. He went up to his door and opened it. Inside he found Sano writing something on a little table.

"What are you doing?" asked Kenji as he walked in.

"I'm writing Megumi a letter," said Sano.

"What does it say?" said Kenji.

"It just summarizes what we've done so far," said Sano. "Then it just asks her what's going on in Tokyo."

"Okay," said Kenji.

He then left and closed the door.

"That was a close one," said Sano. "Now I can finish this in peace."

The next morning, everybody awoke and got ready for the day. Everybody then headed for breakfast. While walking to breakfast, Sano caught Okina in the hallway.

"Hey Okina," said Sano as he came up to Okina. "Can I use one of your messenger pigeons to send a letter to Megumi?"

"Sure," said Okina. "Follow me."

He took Sano to wherever they keep the pigeons. He then took the letter and tied it to a pigeon's foot. They then took it to the top balcony and threw it into the air.

"I have a question," said Sano. "How is it going to find my house?"

"I have no idea," said Okina. "But don't worry. It will. We've sent out thousands of messenger pigeons and they always reach their destinations. It's one of those things that you're not suppose to ask; just accept."

Then they joined the rest of the gang for breakfast. After everybody ate all the food, Kenshin, Kenji, and Kaoru decided to go visit Kenshin's master, Seijuurou Hiko. Since Kenshin was about to face Hajime in battle, they figured that Seijuurou might be able to help in some way.

"Hey dad," said Kenji as they walked two Seijuurou's place, "Is your master so powerful that he could kill you?"

"Probably," said Kenshin.

"Cool!" said Kenji.

"Gee, thanks," said Kenshin.

They continued to walk until they found Seijuurou sitting on a log facing the other way.

"Here," said Kenshin as he gave Kenji his sakabatou. "Take this, flip the blade over so the dull end is facing him, and go try to hit my master with it."

"Kenshin!" said Kaoru.

"Trust me," said Kenshin. The man will evade the attack like its nothing. I know. I've done this a thousand times before."

Kenji flipped the sakabatou over, defeating its purpose, and charged at Seijuurou with it. He got right behind him, took the blade, and tried to cut him in half with it. Seijuurou jumped into the air just before the blade hit him, just like Kenshin had predicted, and landed behind Kenji.

"Why you little brat!" said Seijuurou as he drew his sword. "I'll kill you!"

Kenji just stood their completely frozen in fear unable to make a sound.

"No!" screamed Kaoru.

"Oh man," said Kenshin. "I never saw this coming."

They both ran over to Seijuurou to stop him from killing their son.

"Stop!" yelled Kenshin waving his arms as they ran over to him.

"What?" said Seijuurou as he turned around to see Kenshin and Kaoru coming at him.

"Master!" said Kenshin. "Don't kill our son."

"Kenshin? Kaoru?" said Seijuurou extremely confused. "Your son? Did I miss something here?"

Seijuurou, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji went into Seijuurou's hut. Kenshin then explained everything.

"Kaoru and I eventually got married, and then we had Kenji," said Kenshin.

"Finally," said Seijuurou. "You actually did something manly for once. You actually made it with a woman."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "Well, anyway, I would like to apologize for what happened earlier. It was all my fault. I told Kenji that he could attack you because you would evade the attack."

"That's no problem," said Seijuurou. "But I just can't believe how much of a candy ass you are. You had your son attack me instead of you doing it yourself. You'll never be a great warrior. You'll always be a wimp."

"Kenshin's not a wimp," said Kaoru. "He came here to fight Hajime Saito. He wanted a rematch."

"I can predict your future Kenshin: you will die," said Seijuurou.

"I fought him once before," said Kenshin. "And it came out a draw."

"You know what the best predictor of the future is?" asked Seijuurou. "Many people think its history, but it's actually me."

Then he pointed to himself.

Kaoru rolled her eyes.

"Now get me some sake Kaoru," said Seijuurou.

"I'm not your slave," said Kaoru.

"And you won't be one with that attitude," said Seijuurou.

Kenshin turned towards Kaoru.

"Just do it," he said. "We have to keep him happy because we need his help."

Kaoru got up to fetch the sake.

"Did I mention you suck, Kenshin?" asked Seijuurou.

"Yes," said Kenshin.

"Good, you're listening," said Seijuurou. "Now onto business. I'd like to talk to you about my problem with women."

"What does this have to do with anything?" asked Kenshin.

"A lot," said Seijuurou. "Once you are psychologically destroyed by my superiority, I'll rebuild you into the ultimate fighter."

"Ah, another technique of the Hiten Mitsurugi style," said Kenshin.

"No," said Seijuurou. "I made up this technique. Now back to by extremely interesting lecture. I don't have a girlfriend or wife because no woman is worthy of me. I'm so cool and masculine that no woman would be able to survive my awesomeness. So actually I'm doing them a favor. But when I do find a woman up to my caliber, I will be invincible. Ha ha ha!"

Then he got a solemn look on his face and stared at Kenshin.

"You having a wife does not make you better than me," said Seijuurou. "In fact, having a wife like that makes you worse than you already are."

Kaoru came back with the sake.

"What took so long?" asked Seijuurou.

"I had no idea where you kept it, this isn't my house," said Kaoru.

"It's always an excuse," said Seijuurou. "Now follow me Kenshin."

Seijuurou got off the floor and left the living room with his sake.

"Is he going to help us?" asked Kaoru.

"He never actually said," said Kenshin, "But I guess he is."

Kaoru, Kenji, and Kenshin followed Seijuurou outside to the waterfall and cliff-side.

"Can I go swimming?" asked Kenji.

"No!" shouted Kaoru. "This is serious."

"First," said Seijuurou. "We will mediate."

He closed his eyes and just stood there.

"This is boring," said Kenji. "I know how to make this go faster."

Kenji went over to Kenshin, took his sheath out of his belt, and ran over to Seijuurou.

"Huh!" shouted Kenji as he whacked Seijuurou's knee with the sheath.

Seijuurou fell over onto his back groaning.

Seijuurou got off the ground and gave Kenji a dirty look. Then Kenji ran away screaming and Seijuurou ran after him screaming with his sword drawn.

"The macho jerk's gone psycho!" screamed Kenji.

"I'll go high, you go low Kaoru," said Kenshin.

They ran towards Seijuurou and tackled him.

It took some time to calm Seijuurou down but when they did, he and Kenshin trained for the rest of the day. They meditated, spared, discussed strategies, and Seijuurou reminisced about the good old days. They trained well into the evening.

It was six o' clock when Kenshin was finally allowed to go home. Even Kaoru and Kenji were exhausted, and they didn't do anything.

"Your master's an asshole," said Kenji to Kenshin as they were walking back.

"Kenji!" said Kaoru.

"Well," said Kenji. "He is one."

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "That may be true, but that doesn't mean you have to say it. Besides, I don't want you using words like that."

"This doesn't make any sense," said Kenji. "How come you can use words like that, but I can't?"

"I don't use words like that," said Kaoru.

"Oh, yeah you do," said Kenji. "Remember when you and Misao got into that argument when we first got here? You apologized for being a bitch."

"But…" said Kaoru as she was trying to figure a way out of this one.

"Mom," said Kenji. "Give up."

"Damn it," said Kaoru.

They kept walking until they got back to the city. Once they entered it, they somehow got lost.

"I don't think this is the way back to the Aoiya," said Kaoru as they started walking past a bunch of rundown buildings and a bunch of homeless people.

"Look," said Kenji as he pointed at a building. "That building has a red light in the window. What does that mean?"

"It means that we should get the hell out," said Kaoru. "Kenshin, we're not in the right place. We're in some sleazy neighborhood."

"Okay, okay," said Kenshin. "Don't have a heart attack. We'll leave."

They took the same route out of the area as they used to get into the area. They then kept walking until they got to a cemetery. There they found a tombstone.

"Hey dad," said Kenji as he looked at the tombstone. "The name on here reads 'Tomoe Yukishiro.' But that can't be right. She isn't dead. She runs that shop called the Kikouken back in Tokyo."

"Let me see that," said Kenshin.

He knelt down to look at the tombstone.

"You're right," he said.

Kaoru then knelt down to look at it.

"W-what's going on?" said Kaoru. "This shouldn't exist."

"Dad," said Kenji. "I'm scared."

"Me too," said Kaoru.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Let's just walk away slowly and not make eye contact with the tombstone."

All three of them then did just that.

After another half hour of wondering around the city, they eventually found the Aoiya.

"What took you guys so long?" said Misao as Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji walked through the front entrance.

"We left Kenshin's master's place at six," said Kaoru, "But then we got lost trying to get back here. Stupid Kenshin somehow led us into some sleazy section of the city. I'm amazed that we made it back here alive."

"Come on," said Kenshin. "It wasn't that bad."

"Oh, yes it was," said Kaoru. "This is your third time to Kyoto and you still don't know your way around here. That's pretty sad."

"Come on," said Kenshin to Kenji. "Let's go find Sano. I don't feel like being ragged on anymore."

Kenshin and Kenji left to go find Sano.

"I'll go make us some tea," said Misao, "And you can tell me all about what happened today."

"But I thought Omasu and Okon wouldn't let you make any food," said Kaoru, "Because you were incapable."

"Oh no," said Misao. "Tea is one of the few things I am allowed to make. Apparently, I can make tea halfway decent."

Misao and Kaoru left for the kitchen to get some tea and to have one of their many pointless conversations.

While going through one of the many, many hallways of the Aoiya, Kenshin and Kenji found Sano following Omasu and Okon.

"Hey Sano," said Kenshin as he came up to him. "Want to go do something?"

"Sure," said Sano.

They walked down the hallway trying to figure out what to do.

"This was excellent timing," said Sano. "I think I was starting to creep Omasu and Okon out."

"Well," said Kenshin. "It makes sense. You've been obsessed with them ever since we got here. This brings me to another point. What about Megumi? Don't you think she would be mad at you for giving Omasu and Okon so much attention."

"Well," said Sano. "This is the way I see it. I can look, but not touch. As long as I keep my hands to myself, I'm not doing anything wrong. Besides, I'm going to see them anyway. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Keep my eyes closed at all times?"

"Well thought out strategy," said Kenshin. "Not only do you have a good reasoning, but you also have an acceptable excuse. It's completely impossible for Megumi to get pissed at you."

Okina then came walking up behind them.

"Sano," said Okina. "That pigeon we sent to Megumi came back, and it had a letter on it."

He gave Sano the letter.

"Why does it smell like a white plumb?" said Kenji as he sniffed the air.

"I have no idea," said Sano (obviously lying). "Well, I better go read this. I'll see you two later."

He then ran to his bedroom with the letter.

"So Kenshin," said Okina. "Want to take me on? I can break out my tonfa and we can have a grand old battle"

"Uh," said Kenshin, "I think not."

"Oh, come on," said Okina. "Don't be such a party pooper. Or is it that you're afraid that I'll beat you?"

"I'm not afraid of you," said Kenshin. "I was the Hitokiri Battousai and you're just a washed up Oniwabanshu member who is like a hundred years old."

"That's bullcrap," said Okina. "I'm still in fit physical condition."

"Sure," said Kenshin. "Whatever. Come on, Kenji. Let's go."

Kenshin and Kenji walked down the hallway.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" yelled Okina when Kenshin and Kenji turned around the corner.

"So, what do you want to do?" asked Kenshin as they kept walking.

"I'm going to go find Misao," said Kenji. "We always find something to do."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "I'm going to go find Shirojo and Kurojo. Maybe they know a way to incapacitate Okina without hurting him. I can't keep having him bothering me to fight him."

"Okay," said Kenji. "I'll see you later."

He then ran off.

"Kenshin!" yelled a familiar voice coming from out of nowhere. "Prepare yourself!"

"Oh, crap!" said Kenshin. "Okina's coming!"

He then hightailed it off.

Kenji kept walking around until he found Misao and Kaoru talking in the kitchen. Misao took the cups off the table and was going to wash them, but she dropped one on accident.

"Oh, thank Buddha it didn't break," said Misao as she bent down to pick it up.

From Kenji's position he got a perfect view of Misao's rear.

"Whoa, baby!" whispered Kenji to himself from the doorway.

"Hey Kenji," said Kaoru. "Where's your father?"

"He went to find Shirojo and Kurojo," said Kenji. "Okina wants to fight him, but he doesn't want to. He thought that Shirojo and Kurojo could figure out a way to stop him."

"Yep," said Misao as she stood back up. "That sounds like Okina alright. He won't take no for an answer. He is so stubborn."

"Hey Misao," said Kenji. "Want to go down to the marketplace? I want to find a souvenir."

"Sure," said Misao. "But we can't stay out too long. Dinner will be ready shortly. First let me clean this stuff and then we'll go."

She cleaned the cups and they left for the marketplace.

Kenji and Misao returned home at six-thirty, just as supper was being placed on the table. Throughout dinner, Okina kept ragging on Kenshin for not accepting his challenge. Kenshin just ignored him because he knew that the old man wouldn't listen to reason. After everyone was done eating, they just all sat around, while Okina told them stories about the Oniwabanshu. This discussion then raised a concern that Misao had.

"Whatever happened to Lord Aoshi, Beshimi, Hannya, Hyottoko, Shikijou?" asked Misao.

"Oh, them," said Kenshin. "They live in this castle type thing in Tokyo. They have a bodyguard business. We one time used their services for a concert. See, Sano, Dr. Gensai, and I formed a band in episode nine and we needed protection. Thus, we hired them to protect us while we played on stage. They were actually pretty good. Though, they did beat up that one guy for touching Shikijou's chain ball. Then in episode seventeen, Sano and I started a gambling parlor in the dojo. Then during one of the nights, Aoshi and the rest of the group showed up. They started to cause trouble and we almost had to throw them out."

"Wow!" said Misao completely astonished.

They all talked for the rest of the night. Around nine 'o clock, everybody decided that it was time to go to bed.

"Uh," said Kaoru as she was sitting on the futon on the covers, "When are you supposed to actually fight Hajime? We've been here for two days and nothing has happened yet."

"I have no idea," said Kenshin.

Kenji then opened the door and came in.

"Can I go sleep in Misao's room?" asked Kenji.

Kaoru couldn't believe what she just heard. She just starred at him in shock without saying anything. After a couple seconds, she finally responded.

"Of course not!" she snapped.

"I would have to agree," said Kenshin. "There's no way you're doing that. It's totally inappropriate."

"Okay," said Kenji disappointed. "It was worth a try. I'll see you in the morning."

He then left and closed the door.

"I wonder who came up with that idea?" asked Kenshin.

"It had to be Kenji," said Kaoru. "Misao would never do anything like that."

"Another thing I wonder," said Kenshin, "Is if Kenji even asked her if it was okay for him to do this?"

"Obviously not," said Kaoru. "If he did ask her, she would've said no, and then this would've never happened."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Man, that would've been creepy if he did. Even though he doesn't understand 'relations,' it still would've been disturbing."

Kenshin then had a thought.

"You know what?" said Kenshin. "We should've said yes. That would've been hilarious to see Misao react to when Kenji would try to move into her bedroom. She'd think we were all crazy."

Kaoru then slapped him in the head.

"That's a terrible idea," said Kaoru.

She then blew out the candle next to the bed and lay down on her side to go to sleep.

Kenshin did the same, minus the candle.

They both fell fast asleep.

Around midnight, their door opened.

"No messing around in here!" yelled Okina as he popped his head in the door just like the first time.

But this time, he added, "Unless I get to watch!"

Kenshin and Kaoru both woke up immediately.

"You pervert!" yelled Kaoru furiously.

She took her pillow and threw it at him.

But she wasn't quick enough. He closed the door too fast, and the pillow just hit it and fell to the ground.

"What do you know?" said Kenshin. "I was right. He would watch us."

Kaoru then just put her hands over her face and lay back down on the bed.

"I give up," she said.

Eventually they fell asleep.

The sun seemed to rise slower than usual the next morning. The air was thick and heavy and there was no breeze at all. But nobody really noticed because they were too busy with the stuff they had to do. The day went slowly but nightfall did come. The sun was lowering and the moon was rising.

Inside a local tavern, Hajime Saito and his wife Tokio were having some sake.

"It's time to make my move," said Hajime under his breath.

"What did you say honey?" asked Tokio.

"I said it's time to make some love," said Hajime.

"I'm in the mood for some romance too," said Tokio. "Let's go back to the inn and spice things up."

They left the bar and walked down the street. Heading down the same street in the exact opposite direction was Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji. Even though the street was jam packed with people, Kenshin and Saito noticed each other instantly. The air was carrying the scent of two warriors now. They moved towards each other solely focusing on each other; everybody else that passed into their range of vision was a blur. They got right up to each other and just stared.

A minute went by and then Hajime spoke.

"I'm doing it for myself, not somebody else," said Hajime.

Then Kenshin spoke.

"I'm doing it for myself, not somebody else," said Kenshin.

Now the business of the street was diminished to calmness. The only people left in the street were Hajime, Tokio, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Kenji.

…The light is dim before us

Shadows appear and fall

A barrage of savage ways

Only the darkness can filter through

Hajime Saito turned around and walked back about thirty feet. Then he turned to face Kenshin. He pulled out his nihontou and got into the ishiki gatotsu stance.

"Aku, soku, zan: slay evil immediately," said Hajime.

Then he charged as fast as he could towards Kenshin. Right before he impaled Kenshin, he did the batoojutsu. Both their swords crashed together in a stalemate. They both withdrew their swords and started to swing them at each other. The clanking between their swords was loud enough to deafen any other sound there. Kenshin then jumped into the air.

Hajime decided to use the sanshiki gatotsu technique. Just as he performed this attack, Kenshin performed the ryu tsui sen attack. Kenshin's sakabatou came down on top of Hajime's nihontou, which caused the blade to miss him. Using the arm with the sword in it, he flung it upward. Kenshin was propelled over Hajime where he landed on the ground on his back.

Kenshin lay on the ground for a second groaning, but then staggered to his feet. Hajime jumped into the air at Kenshin. He performed the nishiki gatotsu attack. But this time he used his sheath instead. Kenshin deflected the sheath without realizing it was the sheath. With Kenshin now open, Saito broke out his nihontou and performed the same attack. This time he impaled Kenshin right in the left shoulder. Hajime ripped the sword out of Kenshin's shoulder and blood started to spurt out. Kenshin winced in pain but did not make a sound.

Kenshin tried to use the ama kakeru ryu no hirameki, but his injured arm wouldn't let him do it. Then his eyes started to turn yellow. He decided to use the ryu son sen instead. Kenshin spun around Hajime and slammed him in the back. He went flying onto the ground. He got back up and wiped the dust off his clothes. He charged at Kenshin again. He tried to stab him but he kept deflecting his pierces. Kenshin slammed Hajime's nihontou into the ground and elbowed him in the throat. Hajime stumbled backwards but didn't fall. When he stopped he coughed up some blood.

Kenshin and Hajime were now panting heavily.

"I will defeat you!" yelled Kenshin.

He ran at Hajime with his sakabatou straight out ready to impale Hajime. Right before it was about to connect, Hajime took his nihontou and hit Kenshin's sakabatou on the top, causing it to fly right into the ground. Kenshin was still holding on to it. With his free hand, Hajime did a right hook into Kenshin's face. He then performed an uppercut on Kenshin. Kenshin flew right in the air and landed on his back. Hajime walked up by his head and stuck his foot on Kenshin's neck.

Kenshin started to grasp for air as he tried to lift Hajime's foot of his throat.

Hajime took his nihontou and raised it in the air as high as he could, pointing it straight down.

"You were always a weakling," said Hajime. "It's time to spill your blood!"

He propelled it down towards Kenshin's head.

Kenshin let go off his sakabatou and caught the nihontou between his hands. He then shoved it up into Hajime chin. Hajime stumbled back, but regained his balance.

Kenshin got off the ground and removed his sheath from his belt. He took it and smacked Hajime in the face with it. Hajime turned and fell on one knee.

Kenshin bent down and picked up his sakabatou.

"You bastard!" said Hajime as he got off his knee.

"I've had enough fooling around," said Kenshin.

He turned his sakabtou over so the sharp end faced downward.

"I may have failed to kill you during the revolution," he said, "But I won't fail now. No one can save your pitiful soul."

Kenshin lifted his sakabatou above his head and did a downward chop. Hajime moved his nihontou horizontally to block the attack. They both pushed on their swords, hoping to break the other's block.

"There's no way you can beat me," said Hajime as they continued the struggle.

"Oh, yeah!" screamed Kenshin.

He front kicked Hajime in the stomach. Hajime stepped back and let his nihontou down. Kenshin then horizontally slashed Hajime across the chest with his sakabatou, leaving a blood trail temporarily in the air.

"Now you fall," said Kenshin.

He moved his sword back and propelled it forward to shove it into Hajime's chest. Hajime saw this coming and leaned to the right side. The sakabatou flew past him, along with Kenshin.

"Your attacks are way too predictable," said Hajime. "I can read them and then take the necessary action."

He then slashed Kenshin in the back as he came flying by. Kenshin screamed and landed on his stomach.

"Pitiful," said Hajime with a smirk on his face, as Kenshin lay on the ground motionless.

"How could I have let myself become so weak?" thought Kenshin as he continued to lay on the ground. "There's no way I can defeat him. He's too powerful. I'll just accept my fate. Besides, if I am really this powerless, I do deserve to die."

"Well," said Hajime, "I can't believe that this is finally the end. I'm disappointed, though, because you didn't fight with all your strength like you did in the revolution. This is yet another example that proves your 'no killing' theory has made you weak. Now, it's time to finish the job."

He went up to Kenshin and grabbed the back of his shirt and lifted his head up.

"Well," thought Kenshin. "This is it. I just hope it's quick and painless."

Hajime lifted his nihontou in the air, ready to decapitate Kenshin.

Kenshin then had a realization.

"Wait," thought Kenshin, "Concentration is his weakness and I can play on that. I can get out of this."

Hajime launched the blade downward at Kenshin's neck. In one swift move, Kenshin picked up his sakabatou and moved over his neck to block Hajime's attack.

"I'm not going down that easy," said Kenshin. "A couple minuets ago, you said you were disappointed that I didn't fight with all my strength. Well, prepare to be satisfied."

He then took his other hand and grabbed Hajime's ankle. He then yanked his foot of the ground. Hajime lost his balance and fell on his back.

Kenshin jammed his sakabatou in the ground and pulled himself up. His entire body was almost covered in blood.

"So," said Kenshin as he grasped for air, "You want a better fight? Well, I'm not going to give you that. Instead, I'm going to give you hell."

"Now we're talking," said Hajime as he stood up. "So you finally realized that you were acting like a candy-ass. You finally figured out that it's now time to act like a true warrior."

Hajime then let out a battle cry and charged at Kenshin with the ishiki gatotsu again. Kenshin blocked it with his sakabatou. Hajime grabbed Kenshin's sakabatou, with blood dripping from his hand because of the blade, and moved it out of the way. He then jabbed Kenshin in the stomach with his nihontou. Kenshin grabbed the nihontou and pulled it out of himself. Then, being the resourceful person he was, took blood from the wound and threw it at Hajime face, blinding him.

"Ah!" shrieked Hajime as he tried to wipe the blood from his eyes.

Before Hajime could regain his sight, Kenshin took multiple shots at him. He slashed both his legs and arms and a couple of times in the abdomen. After the attacks, Hajime fell to his knees. He wiped the blood out of his eyes and flew up at Kenshin. He grabbed Kenshin around the neck and hoisted him up in the air. He began to choke him.

"I've had just enough of you Battousai," said Hajime as he continued to choke Kenshin. "Accept the pain, for all who ever tried!"

Thinking quickly, Kenshin smacked Hajime in his temples.

"Ah!" yelled Hajime as he let go of Kenshin.

Kenshin dropped to the ground and grasped for air.

Hajime, now kneeling on one knee, then slashed at Kenshin to cut him in half. However, Kenshin was too fast and jumped back about twenty feet before the blade could make contact.

Hajime lifted his head up and looked at Kenshin.

"I have made a promise to myself and I will keep that promise," said Hajime. "You'll never see the light behind an open door."

He stood up.

"May today become the day when you enter your grave," said Kenshin.

Hajime broke into the ishiki gatotsu and Kenshin broke into running with his sword unsheathed as well. They perceived each other as moving in slow motion because they were so focused on each other.

He and Hajime were at arms length now. Both of them propelled their swords forward and they were going to collide.

"If I kill Hajime I'll be unstoppable," said Kenshin in his mind. "Wait… I won't be. The memories of killing him will haunt me for the rest of my life. I might spiral down into madness because even though it may have been the right thing to do, it could have been prevented. And the madness will kill me, but I want to live."

Kenshin's eyes turned back to violet.

Kenshin flipped his sakabatou over to the dull side. This also served another purpose because the dull side of the blade curved inward. This meant that when Hajime's nihontou struck Kenshin's sakabatou, it didn't connect as well because the sakabatou didn't stick out as much. Hajime's nihontou then slipped through and fell downward, so Kenshin was able to get past it. He shoved the sakabatou right in between Hajime's shoulder and neck.

Hajime choked and fell over onto his side. He lay there breathing and still conscious. Kenshin just stood there looking down at him.

Hajime got a strained look on his face and said, "I may not have killed you, but the wounds I gave you bring you one step closer to death."

"Hajime!" yelled Tokio as she came running up to him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," said Hajime.

"No you're not," said Tokio. "You're wounded everywhere. You need to get to a doctor."

"I don't need a doctor," said Hajime.

"Don't be so stubborn. Come on."

She then helped him off the ground and they both left.

"It's bizarre to see Hajime to have a relationship with someone, especially a woman," said Kenshin to himself.

He sheathed his sakabatou and walked back to Kaoru and Kenji, who were just astonished by the event that just happened before them.

"My job is done," he said as he came up to them. "Now we can…"

He then collapsed forward.

Kaoru quickly caught him before he hit the ground.

"Is dad dead?" asked Kenji as he started to cry.

"Oh no, honey," said Kaoru. "He just injured really bad. We have to get him back to the Aoiya. Here, help me carry him."

Kenji got Kenshin's left arm around his neck and Kaoru did the same with his right. Then, using all of their might, they dragged him back to the Aoiya.

"Did I miss something?" asked Misao as Kaoru and Kenji came dragging Kenshin in through the front door.

"Kenshin got into a stupid fight and almost killed himself," said Kaoru. "Go get a doctor. We'll stick him in our room."

Misao ran out the door to go retrieve a doctor as fast as possible.

Kaoru and Kenji then carried Kenshin to their room.

"What the hell?" said Sano as he walked out of his room.

"Kenshin got severally injured in the fight with Hajime," said Kaoru. "Can you open the door to our room?"

Sano opened the door and Kaoru and Kenji dragged him into the room. They put him on the futon.

Fifteen minuets later, Misao came back with a doctor. He looked over him and tended to the wounds. While this was going on, everybody waited outside the room.

"Why didn't we take him to the actual clinic?" asked Kenji.

"Because," said Kaoru. "Hajime was going there. I didn't want to stick Kenshin in the same place with him. Knowing them, they'd probably resurrect the fight."

The doctor then came out of the room and shut the door.

"How is he?" asked Kaoru.

"He sustained a lot of wounds," said the doctor. "But none of them are fatal. He should be fine. Right now, he's in shock from the injuries. He should wake up in a couple hours or so."

"Oh, thank heavens," said Kaoru. "Uh…how much do I owe you?"

"Since this was a house call," said the doctor, "You will be charged more."

"Of course," said Kaoru.

"The fee is one thousand yen."

Kaoru paid him and then he left.

After supper, everybody decided to go shopping, except for Kaoru. Because of all the events that happened earlier, she wanted to stay home. After everybody left, she went up to her room to check on Kenshin. When she walked in the room, Kenshin was conscious and doing nothing.

"Hey," said Kenshin as he sat up.

Kaoru went right up to him and knelt by his side. She then slapped him across the face.

"What did you do that for?" said Kenshin as he rubbed his cheek.

"You selfish jerk!" said Kaoru. "All you cared about was your stupid fight with Hajime."

"But I had to fight him," snapped Kenshin. "We had to finish our score from the revolution."

"Well," said Kaoru, "Did you ever think that there are some things that are more important then your fight? For example: your family for instance. If you died, what was Kenji and I supposed to do? Did that ever cross your mind?"

Kenshin thought for a minute on this one.

"Wow," thought Kenshin. "She is right. I got so obsessed with fighting Hajime that I forgot completely forgot about her and Kenji. I put aside the two people that I love the most to fight the one person that I hate the most."

He grabbed Kaoru's hand and held it.

"You're right," said Kenshin. "I shouldn't have fought him. Fighting and defeating enemies was the most important thing in my life ten years ago. Now, the most important thing in my life is my family. I forgot that. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

"I still don't like that you fought him," said Kaoru, "But there was one thing about it that made me happy. And that was not killing Hajime. Throughout the whole battle, you were ready to kill him, but then at the last minute you didn't. I'm proud of you for that."

"So," said Kenshin confused, "Does this mean you forgive me then?"

"Yes," said Kaoru.

She then gave him a hug.

The next morning, during breakfast, everybody was gabbing about something. Kenji kept bragging about the new dagger that Misao bought him the night before; Kenshin kept complaining about the pain he was in from his wounds; Okon and Omasu kept making fun of Kaoru's cooking skills; and Sano kept saying how he was going to get revenge on Hajime for hurting Kenshin.

During all of this, Okina decided that it was time to get something of his chest.

"Sano," said Okina. "I can't take it anymore. I have to know. What were those letters that you and Megumi were sending each other?"

"Uh…" said Sano trying to figure out what to say, "They were recipes. See, Megumi and I trade recipes…"

"That's the dumbest thing that I have ever heard," said Okina. "It doesn't even make any sense. Gees, if you're going to tell a lie, make it a good one. That's enough stalling. What were they really?"

"Fine," said Sano. " You win. They were sleazy love letters."

Everybody started laughing, even Kenji, who had no idea what was so funny.

After everybody stopped laughing, because Sano was getting really mad, Okina had something else to say.

"Hey," said Okina. "I have an idea. Before you leave, why don't we have my 'Happy One-Day Joy Tour?"

"I thought it was called the "One Day Raise the Spirit Getaway?" said Shirojo.

"It's the same damn thing," said Okina. "Well, how about it?"

"That sounds great," said Kaoru, "But we already had plans for today."

"We do?" said Kenshin surprised.

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "Remember, we planned out a whole bunch of stuff yesterday night when everybody was shopping."

She then gave Kenshin a wink.

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "We have the whole day planned out. Sorry."

After breakfast, Kaoru, Kenshin, Kenji and Sano decided that they better go get boat tickets for the way home.

"Why did you lie and say that we already had plans?" asked Kenji as they were walking down the street.

"Because," said Kaoru, "I didn't want to go on his stupid tour."

"But," said Kenji, "It could've been fun."

"Trust me," said Kaoru. "It wouldn't have been."

They all went straight to the place that sold boat tickets and bought four of them. They bought tickets for a boat that was leaving the next day at seven in the morning. After they did that they went looking around the city one last time. While going through the various shops, they managed to bump into Seijuurou.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kenshin.

"I'm picking up some supplies to make pottery," said Seijuurou. "I ran out."

Then he noticed all of Kenshin's bandages.

"I see that you had your fight with Hajime," said Seijuurou.

"Yes," said Kenshin. "Hey, when I was training with you, you said I was going to die during the fight but I didn't."

"I never said that," said Seijuurou. "I said you were going to die, not necessarily during the fight but sometime. So I'm still right. Now then, what happened with the fight?"

"I won," said Kenshin.

"Stop joking around," said Seijuurou. "Now tell me how you lost."

"It's true," said Kaoru. "He did win."

"Yeah," said Kenji. "He slaughtered Hajime."

"Wow," said Seijuurou. "I can't believe my stupid apprentice actually won a battle. Now, listen to me carefully Kenshin. I'm only going to say this once. Even though you may have defeated your adversary from the past, you will never be better than me."

"That's a crock," said Kaoru. "Kenshin's just as good as you are, if not better."

"That's impossible," said Seijuurou. "I'm the best at everything. I'm the best swordsman. I'm the best sensei. I'm the best potter. I'm also the best lover."

"What?" said Kaoru. "How can you be so sure about you being the best lover? You're not even married."

Kenshin didn't like where this was going, so in order to protect Kenji and to protect himself from being embarrassed in front of Sano, he took a drastic measure.

"Look Kenji!" said Kenshin as he pointed to a stand. "Candy!"

"Oooh, candy" said Kenji as he began to drool.

He then ran off to the stand.

"Sano!" said Kenshin. "Kenji escaped. Go after him."

"Oh, for Buddha's sake," said Sano irritated.

He then went off to retrieve the candy obsessed Kenji.

"Like I said before said Seijuurou, "I'm not married because no women is worthy enough for me. And like I said a few moments ago, I'm the best at everything. It's a proven fact."

"No it isn't," said Kaoru. "You have absolutely no evidence."

"I am the evidence," said Seijuurou. "I'm the best person that ever lived. End of story."

"I don't care what you say," said Kaoru. "I still think that Kenshin's a better lover than you could ever be. He has satisfied me in ways that you could never dream of."

"Now, hold on!" said Kenshin embarrassed. "Let's stop this arguing. It's going to get us nowhere, except for me. It's going to give me a one-way ticket to 'Embarrassment Land.'

"But," said Kaoru, "I was defending you."

"I don't need anybody to defend me," said Kenshin. "Let's just drop it and move on."

"Oh, all right," said Kaoru. "We should keep this stuff private anyway."

Sano then returned with Kenji.

"Is it okay if I bought him some candy?" asked Sano. "He said that if I didn't I would've had to been hauled back home in pieces."

"You threatened Sano?" said Kaoru shocked.

"That's my boy," said Kenshin as he padded Kenji on the head.

"Come on," said Sano to Kenji. "Let's head back to Aoiya. I want to get one last good look of Okon and Omasu before we go."

"Okay," said Kenji. "Besides, I want to get one last good look of Misao before I go as well."

They then both walked back to the Aoiya.

"Good," said Kenshin. "Kenji's gone."

He then gave his attention to Seijuurou.

"Kaoru and I," said Kenshin, "Have been thinking about this for a while now. We were wondering if you would be interested in teaching Kenji the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu."

"That shouldn't be a problem," said Seijuurou. "Maybe he'll turn out to be a better student than you were."

"Thanks," said Kenshin ignoring his smart-ass comment. "We'll figure out a time later. Come on Kaoru. Let's go before Sano and Kenji get hurt. We don't need the Oniwabanshu women taking them out.

They went back to the Aoiya to stop Kenji and Sano from getting in trouble.

"I'm bored," said Kenji as him and Sano were sitting on the porch. "We've done everything that this town has to offer."

"Yeah," said Sano. "There are only so many times that you can go look at dumb novelty shops."

Kenshin heard this and came up to them from behind. He bent over to talk to Sano.

"I think its time," whispered Kenshin.

"All right," said Sano as he stood up.

"What…what's going on?" asked Kenji.

"We've decided that your now ready to see Makoto Shishio's hideout," said Kenshin.

"Wow!" said Kenji as he stood up. "I've always wanted to see that."

As they were walking to do it, Kenji could barely contain himself. He was that excited.

"I can't believe that we're going to do something manly," said Kenji.

"Yep," said Sano. "This definitely bleeds testosterone."

After a few moments, they reached Mount Hiei. They then walked though the six archways.

"I still can't believe the government hasn't taken this apart yet," said Kenshin as they entered the mountain.

"What you want?" said Sano. "It's the government. They move slower than evolution."

They went over the bridge and entered the first room.

"Remember when you fought Anji?" said Kenshin as they walked down the stairs.

"I sure do," said Sano. "It was the best fight I ever had. The only problem was that he had that flashback that went on forever."

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "Then had that dream that was like an acid trip. You know. The one with the kids floating in space."

"Yeah," said Sano. "That was uh…interesting."

They continued until they got to the second room.

"Aah!" said Kenshin. "The second room. The room where Hajime fought Usui."

"Yeah," said Sano. "Though, I one thing about this fight still surprises me. I still can't believe how much talking there was during it. You'd think that such two bloodthirsty warriors wouldn't have that much to talk about. I guess we were wrong."

They then passed Hoji's office.

"That's where I fought Aoshi when he went nuts," said Kenshin to Kenji.

"Can we go inside?" asked Kenji.

"Sure," said Kenshin. "We can take a look."

They opened the door and went inside.

"It's still destroyed after all these years," said Kenshin.

Kenshin then remembered something.

"Hey," said Kenshin as he pointed to the second level. "That's where you destroyed the telegraph that Yumi was using to transmit the details of the battle to Makoto."

"I remember," said Sano. "Man, I hate technology."

"But," said Kenji, "Technology's your friend."

"Well," said Sano, "It's not mine."

They left the room and proceeded to the room where Kenshin fought Soujirou.

"Hey," said Sano as they walked in the room. "How old was Soujirou anyway?"

"Uh…" said Kenshin, "I believe he was eighteen."

"What!" yelled Sano. "I thought he was like twelve!"

"I know," said Kenshin. "He looked very young for his age."

"That fight was intense. No offense Kenshin, but that was pretty cool when Soujirou flew through the wall at you."

"Yeah. That was pretty sweet."

Then Sano thought of one more thing.

"Oh, yeah," said Sano. "One more thing. How come Soujirou's voice changed in episode fifty?"

"I don't know," said Kenshin. "Maybe budget cuts?"

Next, they got to the room where Yumi gave them the option of backing down and leaving or to continue and fight Makoto. They then made their way to the huge steel doors. They then passed through and walked to the ledge of the walkway.

"The arena where I fought Makoto used to be here," said Kenshin to Kenji. "It was a huge wooden structure with surrounding smokestacks. You had to use a staircase to get to it."

"What happened to it?" asked Kenji.

"That stupid Hoji went nuts and destroyed the smoke stacks," said Sano. "That then destroyed the arena. One of the coolest things I had ever seen, and some moron goes ahead and destroys it. Just my luck."

"I know that Makoto, Yumi, Hoji and Usui died, but I can't help wondering what they're doing now. You know. In the afterlife."

"Last I heard," said Sano, "They were going to try and take over hell."

"Now," said Kenshin. "That would be something that I'd like to see."

They then left Mount Hiei the same way that they had entered it.

"I just thought of something," said Sano as they were walking back to the Aoiya. "When we went to fight Makoto, Yumi told us that if we tried to find our way out of the hideout, we would die in the maze. But, we enter it and leave it with no problems whatsoever. What's up with that?"

"Eh," said Kenshin. "She didn't know what she was talking about. After all, she was the one who found Makoto attractive."

"Yeah," said Sano. "Just that makes her loose all her credibility."

They returned to Aoiya to find Kaoru, Okon, Omasu and Misao sitting around a table, drinking tea and yakking about only Buddha knows what.

After the women were done with their discussion, Omasu and Okon finally got their butts in gear and made supper. Since, this was going to be their last meal together, they decided to make it special. They made soba with vegetables and pieces of meat. They also loaded it up with soy sauce.

After supper, everyone just hung around and visited with one another for the last time. Then at nine o'clock, everybody went to bed.

At six in the morning everybody got up. Kenshin, Sano, Kenji, and Kaoru had a train to catch and the Oniwabanshu wanted to bid them farewell.

"I'll miss you guys," said Misao as they were standing outside in front of the Aoiya.

She knelt down and gave Kenji a hug.

"Especially you," said Misao as she continued to hug him.

After she was done hugging him, Kenji was in astonishment."

"Wow!" said Kenji to himself. "When she hugged me I could feel her…"

"Okay," said Kaoru. "That's it. We're out of here."

The Oniwabanshu waved and yelled goodbye as Kenshin, Kaoru, Kenji, and Sano walked away from the Aoiya. They arrived at the train station on time and boarded the train in a timely and orderly fashion. Around eleven o'clock, they arrived back in Tokyo.

They walked back to their homes. When they got back to the dojo, Megumi was sitting on her porch sewing some kimonos. She noticed that they had returned and dropped what she was doing to go and greet them.

"You're back!" she yelled as she ran up to Sano.

She gave him a hug.

"What are you doing here?" said Sano. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Well, I did go to the clinic" she said, "But after an hour, the place somehow got infested with Cicindela Japonica, or Japanese Tiger Beatles. So, Dr. Gensai shut the place down and hired some people to take care of it. As a result, I got the day off. Oh, I was so lonely while you were gone, but your letters helped get me through it though."

She then took notice of Kenshin.

"What happened Kenshin?" she said.

"It's okay," he said. "I got injured during my fight with Hajime, but I was treated soon after, so I'm fine.'

She then turned to Kaoru.

"Kaoru," she said. "Later today, I expect a full report about your trip."

"Will do," said Kaoru.

She then turned towards Sano again.

"You must be tired after your trip," she said.

"Not really," said Sano.

"Perfect," she said.

She then grabbed his hand and they both walked into their house.

"I hate them," said Kenshin.

"Stop it," said Kaoru. "Let's go inside and unpack our stuff."

They went through the gate and walked up to the front door.

"What's that smell?" said Kenji as they walked up the steps.

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "What is that?"

Kaoru opened the door, and to their surprise, the body that Hajime left them was still hanging there.

"Gross!" said Kaoru. "I can't believe we forgot about that."

"Cool!" said Kenji. "It has already started to decay."

"It's not cool!" screamed Kaoru. "I'll never be able to get the smell out of this room. Damn it!"

"Well," said Kenshin, "I'd better go get a bag to stick him in. I just hope I can find one that big."

The End


	21. Episode 21

MEGUMI MADNESS

It was just another day at the clinic. The only difference was that it was unusually busy. There were always patients at the clinic, but not like this. There were so many sick people that you'd swear that Kaoru started mass marketing her cooking.

"Now calm down!" shouted Megumi as she tried to keep the chaos to a minimum. "There's no need to go crazy. Because of the amount of people, I'll treat those with the most severe injuries first."

"I cut my finger!" yelled somebody from the back of the room.

"No," said Megumi irritated. "That is not a severe injury."

Then a man came up to her.

"What's your problem?" she asked him.

"I think I'm dead," he said.

Megumi just gave him this weird look. She could not believe how stupid this person was.

"That's impossible," she said. "You just talked to me, which means you're breathing, which means you're alive."

"Oh, thank Buddha!" said the man.

He then left.

"Come on people," shouted Megumi once again. "This isn't that hard. Those with the most severe injuries, please come forward."

Finally, people who had severe injuries came forward. Megumi then began working on them.

Eventually Megumi got through all her patients. She was pretty stressed out and wanted to take a little break. She sat at her desk to relax for a little bit. Just then, Dr. Genzai came into the room.

"Megumi," said Dr. Genzai. "I have to go to the bathroom. Can you treat my patients while I'm gone? Thank you!"

He then left for the bathroom.

"I can't even take a break," said Megumi as she got out of her chair. "That's the seventh time today. What does that man have? A bladder the size of a rice ball?"

She then went to treat the patients.

After twenty minuets, Dr. Genzai returned. But by that time, Megumi was done with all the patients.

"You're done with all the patients already?" said Dr. Genzai as he came back into the room and looked around. "Why, that's marvelous!"

"I'm going back to my desk," said Megumi. "If you need me, just yell."

She went to her desk and sat down at it. She then put her head down on it.

"I swear he purposely goes to the bathroom so he doesn't have to do any work," she said to herself. "What else can possibley go wrong?"

Towards the end of the day, nobody showed up. Because of this, Dr. Genzai decided that they could close up early.

Megumi packed up her things, and when she was just about to leave, Victor showed up carrying Tommy, who was groaning in pain, over his shoulder.

"Oh, my!" gasped Megumi. "Put him on the examination table."

Victor did just that.

"What happened?" asked Megumi.

"Tommy and I had a bet," said Victor. "I bet him twenty yen that he couldn't eat a whole pound of rotten meat. Well, he went ahead and ate it. Then about an hour later, he got sick. He just lied in our apartment and just complained about his stomach. I then figured out I better bring him here."

"Well," said Megumi. "You did the right thing. It's definitely food poisoning. Besides not being able to move and having stomach pain, did he exhibit any other symptoms?"

Then Tommy let go a huge fart.

"Uh," said Tommy. "I don't think you're going to like what I just did to your table."

"Well," said Victor. "There's one."

Megumi put her hand on her forehead.

"Okay," she said. "Listen. Just give him this medicine and everything should be fine. Though, I would make sure that when you get home, he changes his clothes."

Victor took the medicine and paid her. He then grabbed Tommy and made his way back home.

Megumi got some towels and cleaned up the table. She then got her things and went back home.

"Hey babe," said Sano as Megumi came in the door.

He was sitting at the table reading a newspaper.

"Hello," said Megumi.

She then just walked past him and made a beeline right to the bedroom.

When she got there, she dropped her things on the ground and took off her smock. She then sat on the futon and lay down. She wanted to take a nap.

Sano then came into the room.

"Oh," he said, "By the way. We're going over to Kenshin's for dinner. Kaoru got a new recipe book, and she wants to try out a recipe on us."

He then left.

"Oh, goody!" said Megumi sarcastically to herself. "I get to eat food that's not even prison grade.

She then took her nap.

At around five thirty, Sano came in and woke her up. They both then left for Kenshin's house.

"I'm scared," said Kenji as he and Kenshin were sitting on the porch. "Mom's food could poison us."

"Don't worry," said Kenshin. "Megumi's going to be eating with us and don't forget, she's a doctor. So if anything goes wrong, she'll be there to save our sorry butts."

"But," said Kenji, "What if she gets poisoned?"

"Uh…" said Kenshin, "I never thought of that. Well, I guess if that were to happen, then that'd be it. Consider us dead."

"Oh," said Kenji, "That's nice."

Sano and Megumi then came through the front gate.

"So," said Sano as they came up to them, "What's Kaoru making?"

"I don't know," said Kenshin. "She wouldn't tell us. She wouldn't even let us in the kitchen."

"Oh," said Sano, "That can't be good."

Then there was a familiar voice with the two words that everybody dreaded.

"Dinner's ready!" yelled Kaoru from inside the house.

"Yippee!" said Kenji sarcastically.

"I've seen garbage," said Sano, "That looks more appetizing than her food."

"That women should really stop cooking," said Megumi. "Hasn't she learned by now that you can't be good at everything?"

"Come on," said Kenshin. "The faster we get in there, the faster it will be over with. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. If Kaoru asks what we think of the food, say its good. I don't feel like starting another war tonight."

Everybody agreed to the plan.

They all then took a deep breath and marched into the kitchen like they were about to die. When they arrived in the kitchen, the food was already laid out on the table. Kaoru was already kneeling at the table waiting for everybody. Her left hand was all bandaged up.

"Oh, Megumi," said Kaoru as everybody came to the table. "I'm sorry to trouble you, but after dinner could you take a look at my hand? I cut myself while I was making it."

"Sure," said Megumi, a little bit irritated

Everybody sat around the table and began to eat.

Kaoru's "surprise" recipe was donburi soboro. It contained oil, minced carrots, scallion, shredded beef, cubes of tofu, spinach, sugar, soy sauce, eggs, and salt.

After a few minuets, Kaoru just had to know what everybody's opinions were of the meal.

"So," said Kaoru. "What does everybody think?"

Everybody then just stopped and looked at each other. Finally somebody said something.

"Uh…it's good," said Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Sano. "What he said."

She then looked at Kenji and Megumi because they didn't say anything.

"Kenji?" said Kaoru. "Megumi? What do you guys think?"

"This is the greatest meal, you've ever made," said Kenji. "You have completely outdone yourself."

"It's very flavorful," said Megumi. "It ranks up there with my cooking."

"Why, thank you!" said Kaoru. "All your opinions mean a lot to me. Since you all enjoy this meal so much, I think I'll make it again."

Kenji, Sano, Megumi, and Kenshin all looked at each other with stern faces.

Throughout the rest of the meal, everybody had his or her usual conversations. Kaoru and Megumi talked about womanly things, while Kenji, Kenshin, and Sano talked about everything else. Then, Kenji remembered something.

"Mrs. Sargara?" said Kenji remembering his manners.

"Yes, Kenji," said Megumi.

"Earlier today," said Kenji, "I was messing around with some bokkens in the dojo and I got a splinter in the palm of my hand. I tried to get it out, but I couldn't. Could you get it out for me?"

"Yes," said Megumi clinching her jaw. "After I treat your mother's cut, I'll get that splinter out of your hand."

"Ooh," said Kenshin. "That reminds me. I've had this strange rash on my butt for about a week now. Could you take a look at it?"

"Yes," said Megumi, who was now nearly at the end of her rope. "After dinner, I can also take a look at that too."

Since everybody was going to get treated for injuries after supper, Sano thought that it would be a good time to reveal his problem.

"Hey, Megumi," said Sano. "Before you got home, I dropped a log on my foot and there's a bruise. After were done eating, can you give me some of those pain reducing herbs?"

Megumi then lost it.

"I can't take it anymore!" she yelled as she stood up. "I have had enough of people and their stupid injuries and sicknesses!"

She then looked at Kaoru.

"I can't believe how stupid you are!" she said. "I'm surprised that you haven't injured yourself worse while cooking. And just for the record, this is absolutely the worst meal you have ever cooked. I didn't think that your cooking could get any worse, but I was wrong. And you!"

She then looked at Kenji.

"You're just a dumb brat," she said. "You mess around with those stupid bokkens when you're not supposed too, and get a splinter. Then you expect me to remove it? Well, I'm not going to bail you out of this one. Let it sit in your hand so your hand can get infected."

She then gave her attention to Kenshin.

"And you are the most brainless person I know," she said. "How in the hell do you get a rash on your butt? That doesn't even make any sense. All I can say is that there is no way I'm going to treat that. It's disgusting, and I don't have to deal with disgusting things. Go to Dr. Genzai. Maybe he'll give a damn."

She then stared Sano right in the eyes.

"You're the most immature person I know," she said. "You're such a baby. You injure yourself, and then expect me to take care of it. Don't you have enough balls to take care of your fricking injuries? I'm glad that log fell on your foot. Maybe it'll teach you to grow up and act like a man."

She then was about to leave, when Sano stood up and grabbed her sleeve.

"Whoa," said Sano. "Calm down."

"Let go of me!" she yelled.

She turned around and punched him in his stomach.

"Uh!" he yelped.

He then fell to his knees holding his stomach

Megumi then left the room and slammed the door behind her.

"What just happened?" asked Kenji.

"I can't believe it," said Kaoru.

"Me either," said Kenshin. "I can't believe that Megumi beat up Sano."

"Not that you idiot!" said Kaoru. "I can't believe that Megumi just lost her mind and broke down. She's usually very patient and easy going."

"Looks like we'll have to put her down," said Kenshin.

Then he turned towards Kenji.

"Kenji," said Kenshin. "This is another fine example of why you should never get married. When a woman needs help, we have to sacrifice our lives for them. But when a man needs help, they'll just let us die. That's the law of nature."

"What do we do now?" asked Sano.

"If it was up to me," said Kenshin. "I'd go gambling, but Kaoru would take bets on how fast she could kill me. So it looks like we'll have to go find her and talk to her."

"I want to come," said Kenji.

"No Kenji," said Kenshin. "Dealing with wives is a job for professionals and Buddha knows I'm not a professional, but I live with your mother so that has to count for something."

Kenshin went into his bedroom and got his sakabatou and sheath. Then he came back to the kitchen.

"Let's ride Zansa," said Kenshin.

They decided to go to Sano's house because it seemed like a good place for her to go. They walked through the front door cautiously. Kenshin had his sakabatou ready and Sano was prepared to us his Futae No Kiwami.

They found her in the master bedroom getting out a roll of bandages. She turned towards Kenshin and Sano.

"Look," said Megumi, "People can take care of their own injuries; I can."

She started to roll bandages around herself. It got to the point where she looked like a mummy. She ran through the bedroom wall screaming and ended up outside. She kept running.

"Megumi!" shouted Sano. "Come back!"

"Trust me, you don't want her back now," said Kenshin.

Megumi ran all the way down to the marketplace. She was shoving people out the way screaming. A sword policeman standing against a shop saw her.

"Holy crap, the dead have risen from the earth to feast upon the living," said the sword policeman in his head. "Oh wait, it's just some psycho woman running around in bandages. Still, I should get some backup for this one."

He ran to get some help.

Back at the Kamiya dojo, Sano and Kenshin were talking with Kaoru.

"So, she's okay right?" asked Kaoru.

"She's crazier than Dr. Genzai," said Sano.

Kaoru put her hand over her mouth.

"Oh no," she said.

"I think it's best to let her wear herself out," said Kenshin.

Sano started to shake Kenshin.

"We have to stop her before she hurts herself or someone else," he said.

"Yeah," said Kenshin, "But first we have to figure out where she would go though."

They all then looked at Sano.

"Why are you staring at me?" asked Sano.

"Well," said Kenshin, "Since you're her husband, you know the most about her. So, you should have the best idea of where she'd go."

"Come on guys," said Sano. "I have no idea. The only thing I know is that since she loves shopping, she'd probably be at the Kikouken."

"To the Kikouken!" yelled Kenshin as he pointed towards the door.

Meanwhile, Megumi was still wondering around the city in her bandages. While running down the road, everybody just stared at her and tried to make sense of what was going on. After nearly pushing somebody through a rice paper wall of a building, she turned around the corner. Waiting on the other side was the sword policeman who saw her earlier along with his backup.

"There's the psycho lady!" yelled the policeman.

"Oh my Buddha!" screamed another. "It's hideous!"

"After her!" screamed another.

They all charged at her with their swords drawn.

Megumi quickly ran the other direction. Throughout this, she kept thinking of a place to hide. Then, an idea struck her. She ran to an apartment complex. She then found the door she was looking for and knocked on it.

"I'm coming," said the person inside. "Don't get your knickers in a twist."

The door then opened up. Standing there was none-other-then Katsu.

"Megumi?" he said completely dumbfounded.

She pushed him aside and flew in the door. She then slammed it shut.

"Uh…did you accidentally take your own medicine?" he asked still dumbfounded.

She then put her hand over his mouth.

"Be quiet," she whispered. "They're after me."

Just then, the group of policemen walked past the door.

"She went down this way," said the policeman who saw her earlier. "Remember, we must bring her back alive or dead, preferably alive."

Megumi and Katsu waited till the policemen passed his apartment and went further down the road. Megumi then took her hand of his mouth.

"Okay," she said. "We're safe."

"Let me guess," said Kastu. "This is one of you and Sano's little weird games, right?"

"No," she said. "The sword policemen were after me because I'm the only one who can overthrow the government."

"What?" asked Katsu.

"See," said Megumi with a gleam in her eyes, "I have an army of demons from the brawls of hell. I had a plan where I would use them to topple the government. I would then become the new ruler of Japan. Then, as my first order of business, I would combine this country with China and form a super nation. That way, I would be unstoppable from conquering the northern hemisphere."

"What about the southern hemisphere?" asked Katsu.

"I don't care about that one," said Megumi. "It sucks."

"But," said Katsu. "We live in the southern hemisphere."

"Enough," said Megumi. "I grow weary of talking to you. I'll be on my way."

She then opened up the door and ran back out.

"Hey," yelled Katsu as he stepped outside. "Can I join your army? I'd make a great general. I even have bombs. Oh, whom am I kidding? She's gone."

He then went back inside and closed the door.

While this was going on, Kenshin, Kenji, Sano, and Kaoru were making their way to the Kikouken. When they reached it, Kenshin threw open the door, and jumped in.

"Everybody, stop what you're doing!" said Kenshin. "We have reason to believe that Megumi may be hiding here."

Tomoe, who was in the middle of putting out some new kimonos, just gave them all a blank stare. Finally, she uttered something out

"Megumi?" she said. "Hiding here? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me," said Kenshin. "Now where is she?"

"Uh…Kenshin," said Kaoru. "You can see the entire store. She's not here."

"Didn't you listen to me?" said Kenshin. "I said that she might be hiding here."

"There's no place to hide!" said Kaoru.

"Shows what you know," said Kenshin.

He then gave his attention to Kenji and Sano.

"I want you two to search this place from top to bottom," said Kenshin.

Meanwhile, Megumi got hungry from all her running. She headed down to the Akabeko for food. She went up to the front entrance and then ducked behind one of the corners. After a few minutes, a man came walking up to the restaurant. Megumi jumped out from the corner and snuck of behind him. She grabbed him from behind.

"How do I achieve proper access into this proprietorship?" said Megumi.

"I'll never tell you," said the man.

Megumi twisted his neck.

"Ah," squealed the man.

"I think it would be in your best interest to comply," said Megumi.

"You use the front door," said the man.

"Where is it?" asked Megumi.

"Right in front of you," said the man.

Megumi smacked the man in the back of the head and he fell over. She crouched down and slowly made her way into the restaurant. She snuck into the kitchen and found the room where they stored the food. She started to eat everything in sight. A few minutes later Tsubame came into the kitchen. She heard a lot of noise coming from the storage room, so she walked over to investigate. She found Megumi in there eating a bag of rice.

"Miss Megumi?" asked Tsubame. "What's going on?"

"Be quite," said Megumi. "You might scare away the invisible shadows that are chasing vibrantly colored geometric shapes in an infinite void. If you free your mind you can see them too."

Tsubame started to walk backwards just staring at Megumi. Then she turned around and flew out of the kitchen.

Megumi then went back to her eating frenzy.

A few minuets later, Tsubame returned with Tae.

"Megumi," said Tae as she slowly walked up to her. "Are you okay?"

"Back off!" snapped Megumi.

"She's scary," said Tsubame, who was standing by the door.

"Now Megumi," said Tae. "You can't eat all this food. It's for the customers. Also, I think it would be in your best interest if you went and got some help. I can notify Sano, and he can take you to…"

"I said back off!" snapped Megumi again.

Tae was getting angry and she didn't know what to do. Finally, an idea came to her mind. She grabbed a broom that was lying against the wall and whacked Megumi in the head with it.

"Ahhh!" screamed Megumi, as Tae pummeled her with the broom. "Curse you!"

She then ran out the back door and wandered around the city some more.

"What just happened?" asked Tsubame as she came up to Tae.

"Apparently," said Tae, "Megumi went completely insane. Now, let's never speak of this again."

While walking down the street she saw Tommy and Victor. They noticed her and came up to her.

"I feel a lot better," said Tommy. "That medicine worked like a charm."

"Quit playing your mind games," said Megumi. "I know you've been sent from the government to thwart my plan. Now we must fight but since this is a turn based strategy game, we'll have to take turns attacking each other."

Megumi held up a piece of dirt.

"Let's roll this mystical die I posses to see who attacks first," said Megumi. "The person who rolls the highest number goes first."

Tommy fell over, curled up into a ball, and started to shake.

"Turn based strategy game," said Tommy. "Turn based strategy game, turn based strategy game, turn based strategy game…"

"No!" shouted Victor. "Megumi, you just ruined months worth of therapy in a microsecond."

"I guess I win by default," said Megumi.

She walked away.

Meanwhile, Kenji, Kaoru, Sano, and Kenshin were running down one of the streets. They had just finished searching the Kikouken.

"Dad," said Kenji while they were running. "That Tomoe sure can move fast. Right before you were going to dig through the stack of new kimonos, she tackled you like nothing."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "I had no idea she had such speed and strength. I guess that proves that your mother isn't the only manly woman in town. Hey, where is your mother?"

They all stopped and looked around. They then spotted her a couple yards behind them. She was hunched over and was panting heavily.

"Oh, gees," said Kenshin. "We don't have time for this. Sano, get down there and carry her."

"Why do I have to?" said Sano. "She's your wife."

"She may be," said Kenshin, "But I'm not strong enough to do that task. You're the only one here that's capable. So, will you help a weakling like me out?"

"I am pretty strong, aren't I?" said Sano with a smirk. "Sure, I'll help you out. Now, stand aside weakling and watch a real man in action."

He then ran to get Kaoru.

"You can't possibly mean that?" said Kenji.

"Of course not," said Kenshin. "The real reason is because I'm too lazy to."

Sano got to Kaoru and put his arm around her and hoisted her off the ground. He then carried her back to Kenshin and Kenji. (To make this easier to understand, he carried her like he carried Yumi in the Kyoto Arc). After Sano returned, they continued on their way.

"Put me down!" said Kaoru as she was bouncing up and down. "I'm not incapacitated!"

"Be quiet," said Sano. "I have to do this. We can't let you slow us down."

They continued to run down the street. Then in the distance, Tommy and Victor were walking towards them. Tommy was shaking.

"Have you seen Megumi?" said Sano as they came up to them.

"Yes," said Victor. "She wanted to challenge us to a turn based strategy fight. She single handedly undid months of therapy for Tommy."

"I just can't understand it," said Tommy. "I just can't understand why turn based strategy games still exist. It's an obsolete form of video games. When will people learn?"

"Do you know where she went?" said Sano.

"I have no idea," said Victor. "She just ran off."

"Well," said Sano, "Thanks anyway. Hey, would you be interested in helping to find her. We need all the people we can get."

"Okay," said Victor. "We have nothing else to do."

"Must destroy turn based strategy games," said Tommy.

Tommy and Victor joined their search party. They then all continued on the massive hunt for Megumi.

Megumi was still wondering around the city. She was trying to figure out what to do next, but she couldn't come up with anything. She then passed by the clinic.

"Hmm," said Megumi to herself. "I have an idea."

She went up to it and went inside.

"We have to find her," said Sano as they were all running down the street. "It's getting dark."

"I know," said Kenshin. "Besides, I'm getting tired."

"Yeah," said Victor. "I'm getting tired as well. Plus my attention span is wearing thin."

"Your attention span is wearing thin," said Tommy. "Mine is already gone."

"Tommy," said Victor. "You're okay!"

"Of course," said Tommy. "In order to get out of my mental state, I just decided that I'm right about turn based strategy games, and everybody else is wrong about them."

They then got to the clinic. Outside the building, there was a group of people standing around. Also, the sword policemen group that was chasing Megumi earlier was there.

"What's going on?" said Kenshin as they went up to the policemen.

"That psycho lady," said one of the policemen, "Barricaded herself in the clinic with Dr. Genzai and his two grandchildren."

"All right men," said the leader of the group. "Draw your swords. Once we get inside, we're going to have to take her down fast. Now, everybody to your positions."

"What a shame," said Victor. "She was such a great doctor. "

"Yeah," said Tommy, "And she was so hot too."

"What?" said Sano. "You just can't go in there and kill her."

"Why do you care so much?" asked the policeman.

"She's my wife," said Sano.

"What kind of weirdo did you marry?" said the policemen. "If I had it my way, I'd take you out too."

"Listen. She's not a weirdo. She just temporality lost her mind. Let me go in there and talk to her. Maybe I can calm her down."

"Fine."

He then gave his attention to his group of men.

"Men," he said. "I'm calling off the assault temporarily. Sano's going to go in and try to talk some sense into her."

He then gave his attention to Sano.

"Remember," he said, "If you fail, we're going in and bringing her down."

Sano then made a nervous gulp.

"Well," he said. "Here I go."

"Put me down!" yelled Kaoru.

"Oh yeah," said Sano.

He then gave his attention to Kenshin.

"Can I put her down now?" said Sano.

"Well," said Kenshin, "What do you think? You're just about to enter the clinic and attempt to control your insane wife."

"I assume that means yes," said Sano.

"Yes," said Kenshin.

He then dropped her on the ground.

"Ow!" said Kaoru as she hit the ground on her stomach.

Inside Megumi had tied Dr. Genzai to a chair using bandages. His grandchildren were there too.

"Do you expect me to talk Megumi?" asked Dr. Genzai.

"No Dr. Genzai," said Megumi, "I expect you to have a butt transplant."

"This is fun!" shouted Ayame.

"Big fun!" shouted Suzume.

Outside, Sano was making his way into the clinic. He quietly snuck in the front entrance. As he was walking down the hallway, a shadowy figure appeared on the other side of the wall. A pair of hands then broke through it and grabbed him. They dragged him through the wall.

"What the heck's going on?" said Sano.

"It's not what's going on, it what's going off," said Megumi.

"What?" said Sano.

She dragged him back to where Dr. Genzai and his two grandchildren were. Then she tied him to a chair using bandages, just like Dr. Genzai.

"Sano," said Ayame, "You're going to like this game."

"It's neat," said Suzume.

"Hello Sano," said Dr. Genzai. "I'm about to get a butt a transplant. Hey, can I have yours?"

"You fool!" said Megumi. "You would get my butt and I would get yours."

"Why would you want mine?" said Dr. Genzai. "You have the best one in the whole city."

"He does have a point," said Sano. "Why would you want to downgrade?"

"Silence!" said Megumi. "I'm now about to begin the transplant."

"You have to stop her!" yelled Dr. Genzai.

"I know," said Sano. "Hey, wait a second! How come I have to stop her? What about you?"

"I'm incapable of handling situations like this," said Dr. Genzai.

Megumi got the surgical tools out and started to go through them.

"Oh man!" thought Sano. "I'm running out of time. If I don't think fast, we're toast. Hey, wait! She's just going to hurt Dr. Genzai. I don't have anything to worry about."

"Oh yeah," said Megumi as she continued to go through the tools. "After I'm done with Dr. Genzai, I'm going to do a little experiment on you. I'm going to replace all your blood with sake. I always wanted to know if that would make a person permanently wasted."

"Doh!" said Sano.

Megumi then grabbed a knife and began to sharpen it.

"Come on," thought Sano. "Think!"

He continued to think for a couple more moments.

"Ah ah!" thought Sano. "I have an idea, but I only have one shot at it."

Megumi then tied her hair into a ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way during the operation. She picked up the knife and slowly made her way to Dr. Genzai.

"So," said Megumi. "Are you ready to be a part of medical history?"

"Ahhhh!" yelled Dr. Genzai.

"You psycho witch!" yelled Sano. "There's no way that you're going to escape punishment for this."

She then came up to him.

"And why is that?" she asked.

"There's a group of policemen outside," said Sano. "If anything happens to us, they'll rush in here and take you down."

She then leaned her face right in front of his.

"I doubt that," she said with an evil smirk.

"Fine," said Sano. "I'll have to take you down myself."

He then went in for the kill. He stuck his head out and kissed her. After a minute he drew back. Megumi just stood there frozen staring off into space.

"That kiss seems familiar somehow," uttered Megumi. "Everything is coming back to me."

She fell to her knees, put her hands over her face, and started to cry.

"I can't believe it," said Megumi. "This whole time I thought I was sane but I was actually insane."

"Welcome to my world," said Dr. Genzai.

Megumi got up and went to untie Dr. Genzai and Sano.

"Come on you guys," said Megumi. "Let's go."

"The game's over?" said Ayame. "I want to play again."

"Me too," said Suzume.

All five of them left the clinic. When they got outside Sano went over to the sword policeman in charge.

"Call off the assault," said Sano. "I single handedly saved the entire universe from a cataclysmic apocalypse."

The sword policeman leader just stared at him.

"It could have happened…probably…maybe…in theory," said Sano.

The leader turned his attention to his men.

"Listen up men," he said. "It seems like the situation's under control so the assault is canceled. Let's go."

After the police left, all the spectators did because it wasn't interesting anymore.

"I'm so embarrassed," said Megumi. "I did some really stupid things."

"Look on the upside," said Kenshin. "You scared the poop out of Tokyo. Nobody will want to mess with you anymore."

"I suppose," said Megumi awkwardly. "But what about the clinic? We'll probably lose all our patients now."

"I don't think so," said Dr. Genzai. "Look at me. I work there and people keep coming back."

"You make a good point," said Megumi.

"Don't feel so bad Megumi," said Kaoru. "We helped cause this problem. We were acting like a bunch of wimps. We won't abuse your services anymore."

"Thank you," said Megumi. "But it's nice to know that people really appreciate me."

She turned to Sano.

"Thank you for bringing me back to my senses Sano," she said.

"I know," said Sano.

They kissed.

"Mrs. Megumi Sagara," said Tommy, "A simple doctor who was too kind for her own good. Her friends took advantage of her to the point where she went mad. Lost in a fantasy she alone created but not trapped, for you see, something simple as a kiss brought her back. They found out that a complex problem doesn't always have a complex solution. This is just another rule in the Twilight Zone."

"What the heck are you doing Tommy?" said Victor.

He went over and punched him in the stomach.

"Uh," said Tommy.

The End


	22. Episode 22

DEADBEAT DAD

It was a nice cool morning. Kenshin was inside the house being lazy, Kaoru was doing laundry, and Kenji was outside playing in the front yard. Yahiko, with his shinai, was walking by the Kamiya dojo. He wanted to see if Kenji could play, so he went through the gate and went to find him.

"Hey," said Yahiko as he came up to Kenji.

"Yahiko!" shouted Kenji. "I haven't seen you since the gambling incident."

"That's because I got grounded," said Yahiko. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Hmm," said Kenji. "I've got it. We could travel back in time and take credit for inventing the wheel."

"Or we could harass your dad," said Yahiko.

"That works too," said Kenji.

Kenji and Yahiko went inside the house. They found Kenshin in the living room staring at his sakabatou.

"Okay," whispered Yahiko. "Here's the plan."

Yahiko whispered the plan to Kenji, and he agreed.

Yahiko then took his shinai and ran up to Kenshin. He whacked Kenshin in the head with it.

"Ow!" yelled Kenshin.

He then fell on the ground.

"Now!" said Yahiko. "While he's down."

Kenji then came over and took his wallet.

"Let's move!" yelled Yahiko.

They both ran out the door.

"Hey!" yelled Kenshin as he stood up. "Come back here. I worked hard to steal that money from your mother."

He then chased after him.

Yahiko and Kenji ran outside. They kept running, and eventually passed Kaoru, who was still hanging laundry. Since she had her back towards them, she didn't notice them.

"This means war!" yelled Kenshin as he stopped in the doorway that led outside. "When I catch you two, I'm going to rip your throats out and stick them up your butt cracks!"

Kenshin then ran outside. He kept running around till he got to Kaoru.

"Oh, good you're here," said Kaoru as she turned around. "You can help me do the laundry."

"How does she always know when I'm in her vicinity?" thought Kenshin to himself.

He then answered Kaoru's question.

"I can't," said Kenshin. "'Kenji the Tormentor' and his little friend, 'Brat Boy' stole the money that I stole from you. I have to go get it back."

He then took off.

"You stole money from me?" said Kaoru to herself, very confused.

Her face turned red and she started clenching her fists.

"You're dead Kenshin!" she yelled.

She then stopped what she was doing and ran off to find Kenshin.

Yahiko and Kenji kept running without any destination in mind.

"Where are we going to go?" asked Kenji. "We can't keep running forever."

"Let's head to the wall," said Yahiko. "We can scale it and then we'll be home free."

They ran to the wall and then stopped. They both looked up at it and then realized how tall it was.

"Why didn't you say it would be impossible to climb?" said Yahiko.

"I didn't know," said Kenji.

"How didn't you know?" said Yahiko. "You live here."

"Yeah," said Kenji, "But I don't memorize every detail of it."

Kenshin then found them by the wall. He ran up to them, but stopped ten feet away.

"I've got you two now!" yelled Kenshin. "Give me back my money!"

"Don't you mean my money?" said Kaoru, a couple feet behind him.

Kenshin then turned around to find a very infuriated Kaoru.

"Oh man," said Kenshin to himself. "The one time I come up with a great plan and I have to accidentally tell the one person who's not supposed to know about it."

"That's right," said Kaoru. "Because of your stupidity, I found out about this little act of defiance. Now, you're going to pay severally for it."

Kenshin thought maybe that he could talk his way out of this.

"Listen," said Kenshin. "I can explain. I just 'borrowed' the money. I was going to pay you back later."

"You idiot!" said Kaoru. "You just admitted that you stole it a few minutes back and then you just admitted it again a few seconds ago."

"Damn it!" said Kenshin.

"Boys," said Kaoru. "Come here and give me the money back."

They both came up to her and handed over the money.

"Now," said Kaoru as she looked at Yakiko. "Go home."

"But," said Yahiko, "I want to see you beat the living daylights out of these two."

"Gee," said Kenji, "Thanks."

"Beat it!" hollered Kaoru.

Yahiko took off as fast as he could.

"Kenji," said Kaoru. "Go to your bedroom and wait for further instructions."

Kenji, with his head lowered, slowly walked back inside.

Kaoru turned her attention to Kenshin.

"Kenshin," she said, "This could have been prevented."

"How?" asked Kenshin. "I could of used my awesome skills to dispatch them before they ambushed me."

"I suppose that would have worked," said Kaoru. "But that's not what I was thinking. Kenji wouldn't do these things if you did a little bit more parenting. You know, punish him when he does something wrong and set a good example for him to follow. Even just spending some time with him might have helped."

"What about Yahiko"? asked Kenshin.

"That brings me to another point," said Kaoru. "You should see what kind of people Kenji hangs out with."

"I don't know Kaoru," said Kenshin. "If you don't like a kid doing something and punish them for it, they'll just want to do it even more. Secondly, a grown up spending time with a kid is just fruity. Thirdly, Kenji doesn't ask questions about my social life, so I don't ask about his. All though, I think your role model idea is good. But since I'm not a very good one, we should find another one for Kenji. Hmm…how about Lord Shishio?"

"The sad thing is you're probably serious," said Kaoru. "So no. Listen, Kenji can look up to other people but he should also look up to his dad. And don't say he looks up to you because you're taller than he is."

"I wasn't going to say that," said Kenshin. "He looks up to me because…oh crap, I was going to say that. Hey, how come you don't have to spend time with him?"

"I have too many important things to do like go shopping," said Kaoru.

"Fine," said Kenshin. "I'll spend some time with him."

He then went to Kenji's room.

"Am I in trouble?" asked Kenji from his futon as Kenshin came into the room.

"No," said Kenshin.

"Well," said Kenji, "Did you get in trouble?"

"No," said Kenshin, "But I had to suffer through another one of your mom's informative lectures. Apparently, you did this to me because you don't respect me, and you don't respect me because I don't pay attention to you. Is that correct?"

"Uh…" said Kenji completely confused. "Sure. Whatever."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Because I don't pay attention to you, your mom has instructed me to spend time with you. Now listen carefully. This 'father and son' bonding thing does not consist of me just buying you crap. Got it?"

"Yes," said Kenji, disappointed about the 'me just buying you crap' part. "What are we going to do then?"

"We're going to engage in manly activities," said Kenshin, "That defy everything your mother believes in."

"Like going to bars and starting fights?" said Kenji.

"Exactly," said Kenshin. "Now come on. We don't have time to waste."

Kenji got of his futon and went with Kenshin.

They went down to the marketplace to find something manly to do.

"Well," said Kenji, "What manly thing should we do first?"

"I know," said Kenshin. "Let's go to the Hadouken. We haven't seen Scruffy in a while."

"Yeah!" said Kenji excited.

He then thought of something else.

"Can I have sake too?" asked Kenji.

"Sure," said Kenshin. "Just don't tell your mother. One sake isn't going to do anything to you, but for something reason your mother thinks that if you have one, you're going to turn into a full blown alcoholic."

Since Kenshin knew the exact location of the Hadouken (go figure), they found it in no time. When they both entered the building, they not only found Scruffy, but also Katsu.

"Hey!" said Scruffy as they came in. "I haven't seen you two in a while. So, what's the problem?"

"What makes you think there's a problem?" said Kenshin as him and Kenji sat down at the bar.

"Well," said Scruffy, "No self-respecting man would bring his ten-year old son to a bar with him."

"Kaoru thinks that I need to bond with Kenji more," said Kenshin. "She feels that I don't spend enough time with him."

"Well," said Scruffy, "Have you ever thought that she might be right?"

"You can't possibly think that?" said Kenshin.

"I know," said Scruffy. "I'm just being a jerk. Now, what can I get you two?"

"We'll have two drinks for cheap bastards," said Kenshin.

"Okay," said Scruffy.

He knelt behind the bar and took out a big jug of something. Then he stood up and poured it into two glasses. He slid them over to Kenshin and Kenji.

"Are you sure it's all right for Kenji to have this?" asked Kenshin.

"Sure," said Scruffy. "Just as long as an adult buys it for him." "What's in this drink?" asked Kenji.

"I'm not sure," said Scruffy.

Katsu came and sat next to them at the bar table.

"Hey you guys, want to hear a manly story since we're all men here?" asked Katsu.

"Go for it," said Scruffy.

"Correction," said Kenshin. "We're not all men here. There's a kid amongst us, so keep it clean."

"Okay," said Katsu.

A minute went by and Katsu still hadn't started to tell the story.

"Aren't you going to tell your story?" asked Kenshin.

"I can't," said Katsu. "The story is so manly that the only way to keep it clean is to not tell it at all."

"Oh man," said Scruffy. "That was going to be the highlight of my day. Thanks a lot Kenshin."

"Yeah," said Katsu. "You blew it."

"Well," said Kenji. "I can regale you all with one of my stories."

"All right," said Kenshin.

"One time me and my friend Yahiko were at my house playing," said Kenji. "But I got bored so I pulled out a booger and threw it at him."

"Does this story go anywhere?" asked Scruffy.

"Of course, wait till I get to the surprise twist ending," said Kenji. "Anyway, he got mad at me so he made me eat dirt. Oh wait, I guess this story doesn't go anywhere."

"Uh!" groaned Katsu as he banged his head on the table.

Scruffy put his hands over his face.

"That's it. Kenshin and Kenji, I hereby banish you from my bar. Katsu, show them the way out."

"We know where the exit is," said Kenshin.

"Oh? Okay," said Scruffy. "You can let yourselves out then."

Kenshin and Kenji finished their drinks and reluctantly walked out.

"What do we do now?" asked Kenji.

"We have two choices," said Kenshin. "We can either go back home to your mother, or we can go somewhere else."

"I vote for going somewhere else," said Kenji.

"Me too," said Kenshin. "Now what can we do for a wholesome activity? Aha! Fishing."

First Kenshin and Kenji went to the marketplace to buy string and hooks. Then they headed down to the lake. Once there, they found some twigs and tied the strings and hooks to them for fishing poles. Then they found some worms for bait.

As they were casting out, Kenji said, "Isn't this the lake where Megumi went skinny dipping and where Sano and Megumi had one of their dates?"

"The very same," said Kenshin.

A couple of minutes went by and then Tommy and Victor came by in a boat. They were fishing, which is their job.

"Hey, I got one!" shouted Tommy.

He reeled it in.

"That's not a fish," said Victor. "That's a piece of dung."

"Uh," said Tommy.

He hung his pole over the water and shook it off.

Just then, Victor noticed something floating towards them in the water.

"Tommy!" shouted Victor. "A big sharp and pointy log is slowly floating towards our boat!"

After a few minutes, the log smacked into the boat and cut it in half.

"What do we do?" asked Tommy.

"Abandon ship!" screamed Victor.

"No!" yelled Tommy. "I'm the captain and I'm going down with it!"

"No you're not!" screamed Victor.

He lunged at Tommy and knocked him and himself into the water.

Kenji and Kenshin watched the whole thing from the shore.

"That's it," said Kenshin. "We're out of here."

Meanwhile, back at Kenshin's house, Kaoru and Megumi were having a discussion over tea on the front porch. Megumi could do this because this was one of her days off.

"So," said Megumi, "Kenshin and Kenji are going to have a male bonding session."

"That is correct," said Karou. "I just felt that they don't spend enough time together. Also, I wanted to get them out of the house for a while. They were driving me nuts."

"Well," said Megumi, "Aren't you worried that they're going to have fun, or even worse, get into trouble? One of those two things is bound to happen."

"If they end up having fun," said Kaoru, "That's fine. I can't make their lives miserable all the time. As for them getting into trouble, I'm not worried because they can take care of themselves."

"Well," said Megumi still intrigued by this idea, "What if something happens that Kenshin and Kenji can't handle?"

"Don't worry," said Kaoru calmly. "One of Kenshin's little friends will come around and save the day."

"You just have this all figured out, don't you?" said Megumi.

"Of course," said Kaoru. "I put thought and planning into everything I do. Why do you think I am able to rule this house with an iron fist so easily?"

Kenshin and Kenji had just left the lake.

"Why didn't we help them?" asked Kenji as they were walking back to town.

"Because," said Kenshin, "They can take care of themselves. I mean, they're sailors after all. They're trained to deal with situations like this."

"Well," said Kenji, "It sure looked like they had no idea what they were doing."

"See," said Kenshin, "That's what they want you to think. But under that façade of mass confusion and helplessness, they really knew exactly how to take charge of the situation and handle it."

"I guess you're right," said Kenji.

After a few more minutes, Kenshin decided that it was time to give Kenji the "talk."

"Kenji," said Kenshin as they continued walking. "I think its time that we talk about women."

"What about them?" asked Kenji.

"Women," said Kenshin, "Were put on this planet to make us, men, miserable. Because of this, you should try to avoid marriage at all costs. When a man gets married, the women tries to consume his soul and turn him into a shell of his former self."

"Why?" asked Kenji.

"It's just the nature of the beast. Once you 'tie the knot,' there's no turning back. First, your wife will try to take away all your fun. Women hate it when their husbands have fun. Second, she will force you to spend all your time with her. This is bad because you then end up only doing things she wants to do, which of course are womanly things. Third, she tries to take all your friends away and replace them with her friends. In other words, the only friends you can have are her friends. Fourth, she'll try to force you to spend all your money on her. You won't be allowed to spend money on yourself. In short, your wife will want to control your entire life."

"That's terrible!" said Kenji with a horrified look on his face.

"Oh," said Kenshin. "You better believe it."

"I don't want to be controlled like that," said Kenji.

"Then remember," said Kenshin. "Avoid women at all costs because they will suck the life right out of you."

They then finally made it to the marketplace. While walking through it, they bumped into Sano.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kenshin.

"Since Megumi went over to your house to talk with Kaoru," said Sano, "I figured that it was a good time to go shopping."

"What are you shopping for?" asked Kenji. "Personal hygiene products?"

"No," said Sano. "I'm looking for some polish for my zanbatou. I want to make it nice and shiny. Now, what are you two doing here?"

"We're bonding," said Kenji.

"Is this true?" said Sano.

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "Kaoru feels that we don't spend enough quality time together, so she made me spend the day with him."

Sano then started laughing.

"Great," said Kenshin. "Now we look like dorks."

"You're not dorks," said Sano as he stopped his laughter. "You're just huge dorks. Now, come on. Let's go get my zanbatou polish."

They then left to go buy the polish.

When they found a store that sold such a product, Sano bought an entire barrel of it due to the size of his weapon. When they left the store, they came across a man that they haven't seen in along time: Aoshi Shinomori.

"Greetings Battousai, Zanza, and son of Battousai," said Aoshi.

"Hi," said Kenshin. "Uh, why are you here?"

"Beshimi, Hannya, Hyottoko, and Shikijou ate all the food in our house," said Aoshi, "So I came to buy some more. I just can't believe it. That food was supposed to last a month, but it only lasted a week. What a bunch of pigs."

"I have an idea," said Kenji. "We can help take the food back home. That way you don't have to do it all by yourself."

"Hmmm," said Aoshi. "Even though I am more than capable of doing this task, some help would be nice. Fine. I will accept your assistance."

Sano, Kenji, and Kenshin tagged along with Aoshi as he bought all the food that was needed. He bought two barrels full of rice, a barrel of soy sauce, twenty pounds of tofu, and thirty ice cold fish. While they were walking back to the place where Aoshi lived, Sano noticed that Kenshin and Kenji had fishing rods. He just had to inquire.

"What's up with the fishing poles?" asked Sano as they were walking.

"I took Kenji fishing at the lake as a manly activity," said Kenshin.

"Did you catch anything?" asked Sano.

"No," said Kenshin, "But we did see Tommy and Victor. They were fishing on a boat on the lake. Then a log came floating by and cut their boat in half. Tommy and Victor then ended up abandoning ship."

"Those guys," said Sano as he was laughing. "Can't they do anything without getting into trouble?"

As they continued walking, Kenji came to a realization.

"That's right," said Kenji. "Aoshi, you haven't had your soul consumed by a women because you're not married. You're in control of your own destiny."

"That is correct," said Aoshi. "I am in total control of my life. I am free, unlike your father and Sano."

Then they finally got to the mansion where Aoshi lived. Aoshi then went up to the gate to unlock it.

"Stupid piece of junk," said Aoshi as he was messing around with the lock. "I should have bought the one I saw at the marketplace the other day, but I was stupid and didn't."

After a few moments, he got it unlocked. Everybody then carried it in the front yard. They then got up to the door and went inside.

"You can just leave the stuff here," said Aoshi as soon as everybody was inside the house.

Everybody then put the food on the ground.

"Even though I didn't need any help," said Aoshi, "I thank you for your assistance. I'll see you all later."

"Hey," said Sano as he extended his hand out. "Don't we get a tip?"

Aoshi just looked at Sano.

"Just get out," he said.

Kenji, Sano, and Kenshin then left house and walked to the front gate.

"'Don't we get a tip?'" said Kenshin. "I can't believe you said that. Did you honestly believe he would have done that?"

"Uh, yes," said Sano.

"I can't believe how stupid you can be sometimes," said Kenshin. "It's Aoshi. The man has a heart of ice. He would never be that generous."

They passed through the gate and went back to the marketplace.

"This day blows," said Kenji. "First, we went to the Hadouken to get some sake and just ended up getting thrown out. Second, we went fishing, which had the potential of being cool, but it wasn't. We didn't even catch one fish. Then we just acted as slaves and carried Aoshi's groceries back to his house. We didn't even get a tip."

"But," said Kenshin, "When we went fishing you got to see Tommy and Victor in a funny situation. Also, don't complain about the grocery thing with Aoshi. It was your idea to help him."

"Yeah," said Kenji, "But seeing Tommy and Victor in funny situations is common. And as for the grocery thing, it doesn't matter that it was my idea. It sucked."

Sano, Kenshin, and Kenji got back to the marketplace. When they got there, Kenshin had an idea.

"Kenji," said Kenshin. "Wait here. I'm going to go have a talk with Sano."

He grabbed Sano by the sleeve and pulled him around the corner of a building, so Kenji couldn't hear them.

"This is terrible," said Kenshin. "Kenji and I were supposed to have fun today, but we didn't. All we did was do three stupid activities that went nowhere. Oh, he probably thinks I'm the biggest loser on this planet. He's never going to respect me."

"Well," said Sano. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"I was wondering if you knew of anything we could do," said Kenshin, "That would make me cool. Something that would show Kenji that I'm not a loser."

"Well," said Sano. "I do know of one thing that you guys could do."

"What is it?" asked Kenshin as he shook Sano. "I have to know."

"Sneak into the Imperial Palace," said Sano. "The Imperial Palace is only open to the public on January 2, New Year's Day, and the Emperor's birthday. All though you can take a free tour the rest of the year. They're given Monday through Friday at 10:00 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. and take about seventy-five minutes. However you need an application and a reservation to do this. The application must be submitted at least one day before you wish to take it."

"How the hell do you know all this?" asked Kenshin.

"You'd be surprised at the crap I know," said Sano. "Well, have fun. I got to go back home and polish my zanbatou."

Sano left.

Kenshin came back from behind the corner and went back to Kenji.

"What did you guys talk about?" asked Kenji.

"Something that'll be really fun," said Kenshin. "How about we sneak into the Imperial Palace tonight?"

Kenji got a bored look on his face.

"Whatever you say," he said.

For the rest of the day, Kenshin and Kenji just kind of lounged around the marketplace. But at ten o'clock sharp they embarked on their quest. They got up to the front of the Imperial Palace and ducked behind some shrubbery. There, they thought about what to do next.

"All right Kenji," whispered Kenshin. "Invisibility is our best weapon. That's why I decided to do it tonight. But as an extra precaution, we should create a diversion for the guards up at the main gate."

"How do we do that?" whispered Kenji.

"Maybe we could defy the law of gravity somehow," whispered Kenshin.

Right by them laid the stone Meganebashi (Eyeglass bridge). It went right into the inner palace grounds. Just then a cart came passing by. When it was halfway across the bridge, it tipped over. The guards at the main gate took notice and called for backup. They opened the gate and ran over to see what was going on.

"What's the chance of that happening?" whispered Kenshin. "A billion to one. Come on boy, let's go."

Kenshin and Kenji quietly crept through the main gate. Once inside, they got into the building. There, they just kind of wandered around like idiots for a while. Then they heard footsteps.

"Oh no," whispered Kenji. "It's probably a guard."

"If we get caught," whispered Kenshin, "I'll disavow any knowledge of you and this mission."

"What mission?" whispered Kenji.

"It just sounded cool," whispered Kenshin.

They tried to duck in the shadows when a man turned the corner.

"I see you there, whoever you are," he said.

Kenshin and Kenji came up to him.

"Who are you trespassers?" asked the man.

"My name…" said Kenshin, "Uh…is Rusty Shackelford."

The man took a close look at him.

"No you're not," said the man. "You're Kenshin Himura, also known as Battosai the Manslayer. I have heard much about you. Now, who's your friend?"

"This is my son Kenji," said Kenshin.

"Ah," said the man. "Now answer me this. Why are you here?"

"What are you, the quizmaster?" asked Kenshin. "Well, we snuck in here because I wanted to show Kenji the Imperial Palace."

"Wow," said the man. "You must have really been excited if you snuck in past the guards at night. I wish all people were this excited about the history of Japan like you two. Come and follow me, I'll give you a tour."

He turned around and started to walk. Kenshin and Kenji looked at each other and then started to follow him.

As they were walking Kenshin asked, "By the way, who are you?"

The man turned around.

"I am many things: a family man, a respected man, and the Emperor of Japan."

He turned back around.

Kenji and Kenshin stopped and stared at him. Then they started to follow him again.

After the tour he took them back to one of his many rooms for sake, cards, and dice.

"It's so nice to have visitors," said the Emperor. "Usually I don't get to hang out with many people. But that's what the Emperor does I guess."

"You can hang out with your family," said Kenji.

"Yeah," said the Emperor, "But you can only do so much of that before they drive you nuts."

"I hear that," said Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Kenji. "Amen to that."

After few seconds, Kenji then understood the real meaning.

"Hey!" he said. "Wait a second! That was a nock against me!"

"Oh, quit complaining," said Kenshin. "Besides, you purposely drive me nuts anyway, so this isn't nock against you."

"Oh, yeah," said Kenji. "I forgot about that."

All three of them talked, drank, and played until the wee hours of the morning.

"We better get going," said Kenshin.

"Yeah," said the Emperor. "I better get some shut eye. Thanks again for stopping by, Kenshin and Kenji. And don't worry about the guards. I'll tell them what's going on so they won't arrest you."

Kenshin and Kenji got up and headed out the door.

"Dad," said Kenji as they were limping home exhausted. "Can I say something?"

"That depends," said Kenshin. "Is it short because I don't have the energy to listen anymore?"

"Yeah," said Kenji. "You're the coolest dad ever."

They finally got to their house and when they walked inside, they found Kaoru sitting in the living room with a cup of tea.

She noticed them and went over by them.

"Where were you?" Kaoru screamed. "I stayed up the whole night worrying about you! In fact I was about ready to tell the police to put on their corpse handling gloves!"

Then she punched Kenshin in the arm.

"Uh," moaned Kenshin. "Normally I'd argue, but I'm just too tired to care this time. I'm going to bed."

Kaoru turned to Kenji.

"You're going to have to tell me what happened," said Kaoru. "Because you're dad's brain-dead."

"Dad's the best," said Kenji. "After a whole day of pointless dribble, Dad got me to meet the Emperor of Japan."

Kenji then wandered to bed.

Kaoru just stood there with a blank stare on her face.

"Kenji said, "'Dad's the best,'" she said.

The End


	23. Episode 23

THE STUPID SERVICE

It was a bright sunny autumn day in Tokyo. Kenshin and Kenji were out in the marketplace getting firewood for the bathtub. They did have a nice supply, but Kaoru used it all up. Apparently, she never heard of the term "conservation." So, as a result, she made them go get some more.

"Well," said Kenshin, as he was pushing a cart full of huge pieces of wood, "When we get home, the real fun begins. We get to chop these into smaller pieces."

"Why don't the people at the wood shop cut the wood into smaller pieces?" asked Kenji. "You think that since they go in the forests and get the wood themselves, they would chop it too."

"Oh," said Kenshin, "They can't do that. That would be providing good customer service."

"But I thought that one of the main goals of a business was to provide good customer service?" said Kenji.

"Yeah," said Kenshin, "You would think so. But then again you have to remember that not everybody lives with us in the real world."

Kenshin continued to push the cart full of wood to their house, while Kenji walked beside him doing nothing. Kenji then remembered something.

"Microsoft finally released the Xbox 360," said Kenji.

"They did?" said Kenshin in utter shock.

"Yeah," said Kenji.

"Well," said Kenshin, "How are its graphics?"

"Well, I saw them and they are sharper and clearer than the previous Xbox's, but otherwise there's nothing really revolutionary about them. Basically, the Xbox 360's graphics capability is that of a very powerful PC."

"Well, that's kind of lame."

"Yeah. I heard a lot of people saying that Microsoft should've waited till next year so they could've worked on the graphics some more. The reason why they suggested next year was because that's when Sony is releasing the Playstation 3. Now, I saw the PS3's graphics and they were unbelievable. I almost couldn't tell the difference between them and reality."

"Holy Crap!" said Kenshin in total disbelief. "They are really that good?"

"Oh yeah," said Kenji.

"Hey," said Kenshin. "What about Nintendo? What are they doing?"

"They have this thing called the Revolution. I think it's supposed to come out next year as well. All I know is that the controller for it looks like a remote control. To tell you the truth, I think Nintendo's done for."

Kenshin and Kenji finally made it back to the house with the wood. Kenshin lugged the cart next to the place where they you put the firewood into the stove for the bathtub.

"I'll be right back," said Kenji. "I'm going to go get the ax."

"That won't be necessary," said Kenshin. "I'll use my sakabatou to chop the wood. I use it for everything else.

"Good idea," said Kenji. "I never thought of that."

Kenshin took a log out of the cart and put it on the ground. He then drew his sakabatou and raised it above his head.

"Uh…dad," said Kenji. "You…"

"Be quiet," said Kenshin. "I need all my concentration for this. I have to hit the log right in the center."

He stared at the log for a few moments. He then moved the sakabatou down with all his strength. It hit the piece of wood and stopped.

"What the hell?" said Kenshin as he lifted his sakabatou off the log. "Why didn't it cut the log?"

"Dad," said Kenji. "You have to flip your sword over so the blade is facing down."

"Well," said Kenshin, "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I tried too," said Kenji, "But you told me to be quiet."

"Well," said Kenshin, "That's no excuse."

Kenji then put his hand over his forehead.

Kaoru came outside by them because she could hear them being stupid.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru, as she came up to them, "Where did you put the shrimp that I told you to pick up along with the firewood?"

"Damn it!" thought Kenshin to himself. "I knew that the firewood wasn't the only thing we had to get at the marketplace. A women's shopping list never consists of only one item."

"Well," said Kenshin. "I didn't get the shrimp."

"And why not?" said Kaoru.

Kenshin tried to come up with a reason. After a couple seconds, he had one.

"Because," said Kenshin, "They became extinct."

"Terrible try," said Kaoru. "The truth, please."

"Fine," said Kenshin. " I forgot."

"You forgot?" said Kaoru. "That's just like you. Every time I tell you to do something you never remember to do it. If it isn't hanging out with your stupid friends at that lousy bar, it's never important enough to remember. Well, you're going to march back down to the marketplace and get that shrimp. I need it for the stir fry I'm making for supper."

"Yeah," said Kenji. "I get to go back to the marketplace."

"No you're not," said Kaoru. "Somebody has to stay back here and finish chopping up the firewood."

"Why can't you do it?" said Kenji.

"I can't," said Kaoru. "I have to do the laundry."

She then gave her attention to Kenshin.

"Come on Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Now get going. I'm not paying you to stand around."

"But," said Kenshin, "You're not paying me."

"Well, at this rate I'm not," said Kaoru. "So get going."

Kenshin left and made his way back to the marketplace.

"I can never win," said Kenshin to himself as he was walking. "No matter what I do, it's never right. Oh, wait. What I did this time actually wasn't right. Damn it!"

He kept walking until he reached the marketplace. When he got there, whom did he happen to see at the tofu stand? It was none other than his best friend, and ultimate fill in character, Sanosuke Sagara.

"Hey Sano," said Kenshin as he came up to him. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," said Sano, desperately not wanting to tell Kenshin, "I have to buy some things."

"What kind of things?" asked Kenshin.

"Uh…" said Sano.

"Oh no. You don't mean…"

"I'm afraid so. I have to buy the one thing that all men absolutely despise: feminine hygiene products."

"No!" screamed Kenshin.

"Calm down," said Sano. "It's okay. I'll survive."

"May I dare ask what the items are?" asked Kenshin.

"Sure," said Sano. "They're nothing you haven't seen before. I have to get some cosmetics and breast tape. So, what are you doing here?"

"I have to get some shrimp. Kaoru's making some stir fry for dinner."

"No!" screamed Sano.

"Calm down," said Kenshin. "It's okay. I'll survive."

Kenshin and Sano finally stopped yakking and went and bought their shrimp and feminine hygiene products.

Now, while they were shopping, Aritomo Yamagata happened to be out and about as well. However, he was not alone. He had his two bodyguards, Hyougo and Outa, along with him for protection.

"Isn't this a great day to buy overly priced novelty items, men?" said Aritomo.

"But you have so many," said Hyougo. "You don't need anymore."

"Nonsense," said Aritomo. "You can never have enough overly priced novelty items."

Aritomo and his men found an overly priced novelty item shop and made a bee line right to it. However, while he was looking at all the objects, a group of men happened to be walking down the street.

"Hey," said one of the guys as he saw Aritomo. "Isn't that Yamagata?"

"Yeah," said another guy. "It is."

"I still can't believe he wouldn't let us join the army as a secret demolition task force," said the first guy. "How dare he say that we're unqualified, inexperienced, and incapable of maintaining a suitable level of personal hygiene? Let's go discuss this with him one more time. But this time, we're going to make him an offer that he can't refuse."

The group of men marched up to him furiously.

"Yamagata!" said the first man as they walked up to him. "We want to have a word with you!"

Aritomo looked up from the shop to find an angry group of men staring at him.

"Not you guys again," said Aritomo. "I already told you that you're not military material. Now get out of here. I'm shopping for overly priced novelty items."

"No," said the first guy. "You either let us be a secret demolition task force in the army or prepare for the beating of your life."

"Fine," said Aritomo. "If that's the way to want to play, then I have no choice, but to remove you by force. Hyougo and Outa, please remove these men from my presence."

Nothing happened.

Aritomo turned his head around to see that they were nowhere to be found.

"Crap!" he said.

The first guy grabbed Aritomo's shirt and raised his fist.

"Time to die Yamagata!" he said.

"But I thought you were just going to beat me up?" said Aritomo.

'Whatever!" said the guy. "All know is that it consists of us hurting you in some way."

Now, while this was going on, Kenshin and Sano happened to be walking down this very road.

"I can just feel my masculinity dropping by the second while I'm carrying this stuff," said Sano as he was walking with Kenshin.

"Be strong," said Kenshin. "We'll be home soon."

Sano then spotted Aritomo, who was about to be beaten into a bloody pulp.

"Kenshin," said Sano, "That's Aritomo Yamagata, and it looks like he's in trouble."

"You're right," said Kenshin. "Let's go!"

Kenshin and Sano ran up to the group of men.

"Drop the man!" said Kenshin, as him and Sano stopped about twenty feet away from them.

"Never!" said the guy. "Now, I have no idea who you two are, but you leave me no choice, but to fight you in the cheesy sixties Batman TV show way. Men, get them!"

Like pawns, with no minds of their own, they dashed at Kenshin and Sano.

Kenshin withdrew his sakabatou and Sano, well, just made fists. After a couple of attacks, all the men were in capacitated.

"You morons!" said the guy who was still holding on to Aritomo. "Why do I have to do everything myself?"

He let go of Aritomo and charged at Kenshin and Sano.

At the very last second, just when he was about to reach them, Kenshin and Sano both stepped to the side. Sano then stuck is arm out and close lined him in the neck. The man went flying forward and landed on his back.

"They had to be the worst opponents that I've ever fought," said Sano.

"I agree, "said Kenshin. "They were so bad that even Zombie-13 and Electron-6 could've beaten them."

Aritomo came rushing up to them with pure excitement.

"I would like to thank you for saving me," he said. "I would have surly been beaten up and/or killed without your help."

"It was nothing," said Sano. "Rescuing weaklings, such as yourself, is our job."

Just then, Hyougo and Outa came up to them.

"Where were you two?" asked Aritomo in a very angered tone.

"We were on break," said Outa. "Our union contract states that we get a twenty-minute break every hour."

"Well," said Aritomo, "When you two were off lollygagging, I was attacked by a group of men. Luckily, these two real men, Kenshin Himura and Sano Sargara, were here to save me."

"Well," said Hyougo, "Do you need to be saved now?"

"No!" screamed Aritomo. "That's it. I've had enough of your stupidity and laziness. You're both fired."

He then gave his attention to Kenshin and Sano.

"So," he said, "Are you two part of the union?"

"What's the union?" asked Sano.

"You're hired," he said. "As of now, you both are my new two official bodyguards."

"We're your two bodyguards?" asked Kenshin completely shocked.

"That's right," he said.

Kenshin and Sano then just looked at each other for a few moments.

"Sweet!" they both screamed in unison.

After hammering out the rest of the details, Kenshin and Sano walked back to their homes brimming with pride.

"This is awesome," said Kenshin as they were walking. "We just didn't get jobs, we got cool jobs."

"Yep," said Sano. "We officially our the coolest people on earth."

Kenshin and Sano got up to the gate to the Himura dojo.

"Well," said Kenshin, "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Same here," said Sano.

He then went back to his place.

Sano opened up the front door. He then walked in.

"Megumi," said Sano, "I'm home. I got all your girly stuff."

"Thanks," said Megumi as she was sitting at the table reading a newspaper.

"Oh yeah," said Sano. "Kenshin and I also got jobs as Aritomo Yamagata's bodyguards."

Megumi put the newspaper down on the table and just stared at him without saying a word.

Meanwhile, Kenshin got through the front gate and was already in his house.

"Did you finally get the shrimp this time?" said Kaoru as she walked in the room.

"Yes," said Kenshin.

"Good," said Kaoru as she came up to him. "I now can finally start dinner."

Kenshin gave her the bag of shrimp that she was about to destroy.

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "Sano and I got also got jobs as Aritomo Yamagata's bodyguards."

He then walked past her and left the room.

Kaoru dropped the bag and just stood there motionless. This was something that her mind could not comprehend.

After fifteen minutes of staring mindlessly into space, Kaoru finally came back to reality. She really wanted to go drag the rest of the information out of Kenshin, but she decided that she better make dinner. Besides, she could drag the information out of him when they were eating anyway.

During dinner, Kaoru had to hound Kenshin about this twist of fate. Kenshin eventually gave in and regaled her and Kenji with the tale of how Sano and him saved Lord Yamagata from certain doom and receiving bodyguard positions in return. Both Kaoru and Kenji were dumbfounded with this turn of events. They never thought either Kenshin, or Sano for that matter, would ever have any kind of job.

The next morning came, and Kenshin awoke with pride. Starting today, he actually had a purpose in life. Kenshin got out of bed without hesitation. He went and cleaned himself up and put on his clothes. When he came back to the room to get his sakabaotu, Kaoru was awake and sitting up.

"You're already up?" asked Kaoru she wiped her eyes.

"Well," said Kenshin, "I have to get going. Sano and I must protect Lord Yamagata from the evil that is, uh, evil people. I'll see you sometime tonight."

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Have a good day."

"Trust me," said Kenshin. "I will."

He left the room and went down the hallway. After walking a couple feet, Kenji emerged from his room.

"Hey dad," said Kenji as Kenshin came by. "If you beat anybody up today, can you bring me back a tooth as a souvenir?"

"Sure," said Kenshin as he walked by and patted Kenji on the head.

Kenshin left the house and got outside the gate.

Sano, like the boot lackey that he was, was already there, waiting for him.

"So," said Sano. "Are you ready to beat people up and get paid for it?"

"We're getting paid?" asked Kenshin.

"Duh!" said Sano. "You were there when Aritomo discussed our rate of pay."

"Oh," said Kenshin, "He must have done that when I got bored and played my first crappy theme song, Sobakasu, in my head. It's so bad that it makes me laugh, and yet at the same time, makes me sad. Well, anyway, this is great. Not only do I have a cool job, but I get money for doing it."

They walked to the building where Aritomo's office was. When they got near the front entrance, the gate was closed and there were guards roaming around.

"There's no way they're going to let us in," said Sano. "So what do we do?"

"We'll have to sneak in," said Kenshin.

They both went around to the back of the compound and scaled the wall. They then snuck around the facility until they found Aritomo's office.

"Greetings gentleman," said Aritomo as Kenshin and Sano entered his office.

"Greetings," said Kenshin and Sano as they came up to his desk.

"The guards didn't give you a problem, did they?" said Aritomo.

"No," said Sano. "We didn't think that they would let us in, so we jumped over the back wall and snuck in here."

"Oh," said Aritomo, "I'm so sorry. I forgot to tell you yesterday that I was going to let the guards know that you were coming and that they should let you in. I apologize for that. That was completely my fault."

"That's okay," said Sano. "It was fun sneaking in here. We were like Splinter Cells sneaking into a top secret government infrastructure bent on delivering the world into a nuclear holocaust."

"I have absolutely no idea what you just said," said Aritomo, "But I like it. Oh, before I forget. Here are your special papers."

He then handed Kenshin and Sano some papers.

"These papers will allow you to get inside this facility without any problems," said Aritomo. "Now you don't have to sneak in anymore."

"Cool!" said Sano and Kenshin together. "We have special authorization."

"That's right," said Aritomo. "Now on to business. For your first task, I want you to close the door, stand outside it, and keep watch. If someone approaches and wishes to enter, ask me first if they may. Any questions?"

"No, sir!" said Kenshin and Sano simultaneously.

"Excellent," said Aritomo. "Carry on men."

"Yes, sir!" said Kenshin and Sano, again, simultaneously.

They walked outside the room and shut the door behind them. They then took their posts beside the door.

After two hours, Kenshin and Sano were still standing there. They were just as alert and intuitive as when they first started. All of a sudden, somebody came walking down the hallway. It was none other than Mickey Rooney.

"Wow!" said Kenshin. "It's Mickey Rooney."

"Well, hello boys!" said Mickey as he came up to them.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Rooney?" asked Sano.

"I'm here to talk with Mr. Yamagata," said Mickey.

"Do you have an appointment with him?" asked Sano.

"Uh, no," said Mickey looking embarrassed.

"Well," said Sano, "I'll have to check first."

He then opened up the door.

"Mr. Yamagata," said Sano, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but Mickey Rooney wants to speak with you. Do you want me to let him in?"

Aritomo sat there and thought for a second. He then had an answer.

"No," said Aritomo. "Send him away."

Sano then closed the door.

"You heard what the man said," said Kenshin. "Now beat it."

"But…" said Mickey.

"Sir," said Kenshin, "You don't want us to have to beat you up, do you?"

"No," said Mickey disappointed.

He then lowered his head and left.

"This job rules!" said Sano.

He then gave Kenshin a high-five.

Back at the Sagara house, Kaoru was joining Megumi for some tea. Since Kaoru's 10:00 am class didn't start for an hour, she had some time to spare, and since Megumi had the day off (She had the day off because she's special) she had the whole day to spare.

"So Megumi," said Kaoru. "How do you feel about this bodyguard ordeal? Aren't you worried about Sano?"

"Oh, no," said Megumi. "Sano is one of the best fighters in the city. He'll be fine. Why, are you worried about Kenshin?"

"Well," said Kaoru, "At first I was. But now as I think about it, he was Hitokiri Battousai. So, I guess that means he can annihilate almost anyone. So I guess there's nothing to worry about."

"Besides," said Megumi, "This works out great for me. Not only does it give Sano something to do, but it keeps him out of my hair, it increases our income, and best of all, it increases his sexiness ten fold."

"Hey!" said Kaoru ecstatic. "All those things apply to me as well. The only difference is that in my case, it applies to Kenshin, but nevertheless. Wow! Our quality of life has greatly improved."

"See," said Megumi. "That's what I'm talking about. Everything is going to be fine, well, actually better, but you know what I mean."

Back at the government building, Sano and Kenshin were still guarding the entrance to Aritomo's office. It was around noon, and Sano and Kenshin were still as thrilled as ever.

"I wonder if we'll run into any more B-rate celebrities," said Kenshin.

"I don't know," said Sano, "But I sure hope so. They're my favorite kind."

Just then, Aritomo opened the door and came out.

"As you all know," said Aritomo, "It's noon."

"I didn't know that," said Sano.

"Therefore," said Aritomo, "We're going to get some lunch. Let's go to the Akabeko. They seem to have half-way decent food."

Aritomo, Kenshin, and Sano left the establishment. However, instead of walking to the restaurant, they took a carriage. No self-respecting general of any army would dare walk anywhere.

They all arrived several minutes later. They then all piled out of the carriage and went up to the door. Since this was their first time guarding Aritomo in public, they wanted to be extremely careful.

Sano opened of the door a little bit and looked around inside.

When he saw that there was no danger, he said to Aritomo and Kenshin, "It's all clear."

He then opened up the door and walked in followed by Aritomo and then Kenshin.

Tae saw them come in and came to greet them.

"Howdy!" said Tae as she came up to them. "Lord Yamagata, it's a pleasure…"

Kenshin then stepped in front of Aritomo to confront Tae.

"Hold it right there," said Kenshin. "Nobody can come within this distance of Lord Yamagata without authorization."

"Kenshin," said Tae. "What are you and Sano doing here, and most importantly, what are you doing?"

"Never mind that madam," said Kenshin. "Now back down or we'll have to remove you by force."

"Kenshin," said Aritomo. "It's okay. She can speak to me."

Kenshin then stepped aside.

"Sorry about that Tae," said Aritomo. "This is their first day as my bodyguards, and they aren't used to the drill yet."

"That's okay," said Tae. "I've dealt with weirder people in here before. One time, there was this fella who wanted his money back because his rice was too white. Now, isn't that the dumbest thing you've ever heard?"

She showed them all to a booth.

When they got to the booth, Aritomo sat down on one side.

"Should we stand out here and guard the both?" asked Sano.

"Nonsense!" said Aritomo. "Sit with me. We're all comrades here."

"Cool!" said Kenshin and Sano together.

They got in the spot across from Aritomo.

"All righty," said Tae. "Now, what can I get ya fellas to drink?"

"I'll have a sake," said Aritomo, "And Kenshin and Sano will have tea."

"Coming right up," said Tae.

She left to retrieve the drinks.

"How come you get sake and we get tea?" asked Kenshin.

"That's because there's no drinking while on the job," said Aritomo, "And you guys are on the job."

"But," said Kenshin, "You're on the job too."

"No, I'm not," said Aritomo. "I'm on lunch, so technically I'm not on the job."

Kenshin and Sano thought about it for a moment.

"Hey!" said Sano. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right!" said Aritomo. "You don't become the general of the Meiji army with the brain power of a stump."

Tae came back with their drinks.

"Okay," said Tae. "Here are your drinks."

She put them on the table.

She then took their orders. Aritomo ordered the more expensive salmon, while Kenshin and Sano ordered the incredibly cheap soba. Aritomo choose the salmon because, let's face it, the guy was loaded. Kenshin and Sano took the soba because they couldn't afford anything else.

Tae then left to report the orders to the cooks.

"So," said Sano. "What's it like being the general of the Meiji army?"

"Eh," said Aritomo. "It's okay. Hey, didn't you guys have the gambling ring in that dojo?"

"Yep," said Sano. "That was my idea. I was the boss, and Kenshin here, was my boot lackey."

"And for the record," said Kenshin. "It was my wife's dojo that the gambling ring was in."

"Okay," said Aritomo. "Now I would like to discuss the incident of when your wives raided the place."

"Aritomo," said Kenshin, "I would like to apologize for that. Kaoru and Megumi had no idea what they were doing. See, they got confused and…"

"No need to make up an excuse," said Aritomo. "That incident doesn't bother me anymore. Now, as for the one who slapped me, which of one you is she married to?"

"That would be Megumi," said Sano, "And she's my wife."

"Okay," said Aritomo. "For that disrespectful act, I'm afraid I'm going to have to deduct your pay."

"What!" said Sano. "You're going to deduct my pay because of some stupid thing my wife did six stories ago?"

"Sorry," said Aritomo. "I have to do what I have to do."

"But," said Sano, "You just said earlier that, that incident didn't bother you anymore."

"No," said Aritomo. "The incident of them raiding the place is the incident that doesn't bother me anymore. The incident of Megumi slapping me is the incident that I'm still bitter about."

Kenshin found this hilarious and was laughing through the whole thing.

"Shut up!" said Sano.

"I'm sorry," said Kenshin. "But the irony is too good. You get punished for something that Megumi did."

After several more minutes, Tae came back with their meals one by one. After all their food was delivered, Tae remembered something.

"Mr. Yamagata," said Tae. "This reminds me. I would like to apologize for that incident that happened the last time you were here."

"I told you," said Artiomo. "Don't worry about it. Tsubame didn't mean it. It was an accident. Besides, I managed to get the stains out of my clothes."

'That's wonderful," said Tae. "I'll let Tsubame know that she didn't ruin your clothes. She was afraid that the stains wouldn't come out."

"Take a note," whispered Kenshin to Sano. "Tsubame is a major threat to Lord Yamagata."

"Got it," whispered Sano back.

"Well," said Tae. "I have to get back to work. I can't stand around and keep yakking anymore."

She left to help some other customers.

Kenshin, Sano, and Aritomo just sat around and ate and talked about man stuff. After they were done eating, Tae came back to remove the trays of food. Artiomo then paid her for his meal and Kenshin and Sano paid for theirs.

Aritomo, Kenshin, and Sano walked to the door. Just as they were about to go through it, Tae had to get in one last line of cheap dialogue.

"Ya'll come back now, ya hear!" yelled Tae right before Aritomo, Kenshin, and Sano left the building.

"I'm still hungry," said Aritomo. "Let's go to a candy store and buy some candy."

"Top secret candy?" asked Sano.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," said Aritomo.

They walked around the marketplace until they found a candy store. They walked inside and Lord Yamagata started to browse. He found a box of imported chocolates and went to the counter to checkout.

The box of chocolates costed 580 .875 yen. Aritomo handed the owner 581 yen. When the owner gave him change, he accidentally gave him a chunk of wood that was lying on the table. Kenshin took notice of this and quickly ran over.

"A counterfeit money operation," said Kenshin. "Look at this stash; I'm going to need backup.

He yelled really loudly, "Sano! We have a counterfeit money transaction in progress!"

Sano ran over and tackled the owner to the ground. Kenshin took the chuck of wood from Lord Yamagata.

"We'll have to send this to a lab to be analyzed," said Kenshin.

Sano was standing over the owner and put one of his hands into a fist.

"Before I punch you," said Sano. "You've got to ask yourself one question: do you feel lucky punk, well do you?"

Lord Yamagata pulled Sano off the man. "You idiot, that was an accident. This isn't a counterfeit money operation."

"Well, it isn't anymore," said Kenshin.

"Okay," said Aritomo, "Since you guys are new, and there's no training program because of budget cuts, I'll let this slide. Now let's get out of here."

They left the store and proceeded to do other things. After a long day, Sano and Kenshin went back home exhausted.

Kenshin walked into his house to find Kaoru making dinner.

"What a day Kaoru," said Kenshin. "We had to protect Lord Yamagata from Mickey Rooney and his bag of tricks, escort him to lunch at the Akabeko, and then Sano and I foiled a counterfeit money operation in a candy store."

"Wow, my day just can't compare with that," said Kaoru.

She took a bowl of hot food and put it on the table.

"You know Kaoru," said Kenshin, "If you ever served food to Lord Yamagata, I would have to take that as an assassination attempt and take you down."

Kaoru started to laugh.

"I'm serious," said Kenshin sternly.

Kaoru called Kenji for dinner and the three of them sat down for dinner.

At the Sagara home, Sano and Megumi were eating dinner too.

"…And after the candy store incident, Kenshin and I bought some sunglasses," said Sano.

"Why?" asked Megumi.

"Because they look cool," said Sano.

"Well, what do you want to do after dinner?" asked Megumi.

"You know Megumi, " said Sano playfully. "You could be a security threat to Lord Yamagata or maybe even the country, so I'm going to have to perform a strip search on you."

"You know Sano, you have no probable cause to search me," said Megumi sensually. "But I'll consent to one though."

"Just to let you know a head of time," said Sano. "This is going to be one thorough search."

The next day Kenshin and Sano went to Lord Yamagata's office.

"Today gentlemen," said Aritomo. "I'm going to have a meeting with my fellow associates. I want you two to keep a watchful eye out for suspicious activity while it's going on."

"I have a question Lord Yamagata," said Kenshin.

"Proceed," said Aritomo.

"Are you going to be talking about marshmallows?" asked Kenshin.

"Uh…no," said Aritomo. "Now get me a cup of coffee."

"Yes, sir!" said Kenshin.

During the meeting, Sano and Kenshin assumed their typical positions.

"What do we do about Tsubame?" asked Kenshin. "She has proven herself as a potential threat to Lord Yamagata. We must be cautious."

"This calls for drastic action," said Sano. "Meet me at my house after work."

After work Kenshin did just that.

"Hey Megumi," said Kenshin as he came in the house. "Where's Sano?"

"He's in one of the backrooms," said Megumi.

Kenshin found the room Sano was in and went in. He found Yahiko in there too.

"Why is the boy here?" asked Kenshin. "He must be terminated because he might know to much."

"Now hold on a second," said Sano. "Yahiko is valuable to us. He's going to be participating in a vice operation. He's going undercover as Tsubame's friend to gather intelligence from her. Then he'll give us the information and we can use it to take her down before she does something to Lord Yamagata."

"I usually don't like the way you think Sano, but this time I do," said Kenshin.

"While Yahiko's doing this," said Sano. "We'll be making wanted posters of Tsubame. This way the general public can keep an eye out too. Tsubame won't be able to pull anything."

"What's in it for me?" asked Yahiko.

"Knowing you served your country…and free candy," said Sano.

"Sweet!" yelled Yahiko.

"Now get moving, it's only a matter of time before Tsubame strikes again," said Sano. "One last thing Yahiko. Meet us back here tomorrow so we can see what you got."

The next day at the office, Aritomo was depressed.

"What a terrible day this is turning out to be," said Aritomo. "This morning I had to throw one of my officers into the stockade. He was stealing standard Government Issued brown gravy simulated product from the mess hall. I need a drink."

"May I recommend the Hadouken," said Sano. "Kenshin and I went there all the time when we were civilians."

"Sure," said Aritomo. "This could help me politically. If I mingle with the general public, I might get their support."

They went down to the Hadouken. Inside, the paint was coming off the walls, drunken people were everywhere, the tables were all scratched up, and rats were gnawing on the tables.

"This place is a crap-hole," said Aritomo.

"Yeah, but it's our crap-hole," said Kenshin.

"Three whatever the hell you got things," said Aritomo.

"Right away," said Scruffy.

He made the three sakes and slid them over to the guys.

Aritomo took a sip.

"This isn't bad," he said.

Just then Tommy and Victor came up to them.

"Sano, Kenshin, you got jobs?" asked Victor.

"Cool we can ice skate home because hell froze over," said Tommy.

Kenshin and Sano turned around and gave them sleeper holds. Both of them fell over onto the floor.

"I don't think they were going to hurt me," said Aritomo.

"We know," said Sano.

"Also, you're always supposed to use one level of force above the level you're facing in a situation," said Kenshin.

Aritomo took his cup of sake and gulped the rest down.

In the evening when Kenshin and Sano were walking home, they were talking about how cool they thought they were. When they got to their homes, they found Megumi and Kaoru standing outside the gate in front of the Himura house. Kaoru was holding something.

"Why is Tsubame number one on the Japanese federal government's most wanted list?" asked Megumi.

Kaoru held up the wanted poster.

"And why is she wanted dead or alive for a reward of 116,175,000.00 yen," asked Kaoru.

Kenshin and Sano ran into the Sagara house and into the backroom. They kept pacing back and forth waiting for Yahiko to arrive. Finally he did.

"Gees, what's with it with the women outside," said Yahiko as he came into the room panting. "They were yelling about boiling some people in oil. Well anyway, I got the info you're looking for."

"Here it comes, the intelligence we need to bring down Tsubame," said Kenshin.

"Tsubame thinks I'm cute and her favorite color's purple," said Yahiko.

"That's it?" asked Sano.

"Oh yeah," said Yahiko. "She likes bunnies."

"You're fired," said Sano.

"Where's my free candy?" asked Yahiko.

"Since you got nothing, you get free nothing," said Sano.

"You guys suck!" shouted Yahiko.

Then he ran out of the room.

The next day had a bit of a chill to it. It was cold but not too cold and cloudy. The air was nippy and dry but a little wind now and then broke up the stillness. Kenshin and Sano walked to work together.

When they got to Lord Yamagata's office, he was sitting at his desk writing something. He put down his pen and looked up at Kenshin and Sano.

"Today," said Aritomo. "I'm going to give a speech about the western modernization of our army's weaponry and technology. I'm going to give my speech at the Akabeko restaurant."

"Why there sir?" asked Kenshin.

"Because many people hang around there and maybe I can score some free food," said Aritomo.

A few hours went by and then it was time to go. Lord Yamagata opened the door to his office.

"All right gentlemen, let's go," said Aritomo.

"To the army general mobile!" shouted Sano.

"Never say that again," said Aritomo.

Kenshin and Sano followed Lord Yamagata to the carriage and they were off to the Akabeko. When they got there, they got out of the carriage and went to the platform and podium that was in front of the entrance. There was a crowd of people already there waiting for him.

As they were walking, Kenshin and Sano talked to each other.

"This is the hot zone," said Kenshin. "Be on the lookout for Tsubame."

"This is just too good for her to pass up," said Sano.

Lord Yamagata turned around.

He said jokingly, "Be ready, you just might have to make the ultimate sacrifice."

"What religion are you?" asked Sano.

"Not that ultimate sacrifice!" spurted Aritomo.

While they were walking past the crowd, a familiar face was there.

"Damn, I got a splinter," said Mickey Rooney. "I wish I had my switchblade right now."

Lord Yamagata got up on the platform and Sano stood to the right of him and Kenshin to the left.

Tae then walked up onto the platform.

"May I have your attention please," said Tae. "As ya'll know there's going to be a speech today. So without further ado, I give you Lord Yamagata."

Everyone clapped and Tae left the podium.

Then Lord Yamagata approached.

"Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to my public address," he said. "Today I will be talking about…"

All of a sudden Tsubame appeared in the crowd. She was walking towards the platform carrying a tray of rice balls. A stone was on the ground and she tripped over it. One of the rice balls flew into the air right at Lord Yamagata.

Sano saw it immediately and jumped right in front of Lord Yamagata.

"No!" shouted Sano.

The rice ball hit Sano right in the chest and he went down. He hit the platform on his back like a ton of bricks.

Kenshin saw Sano and rushed over to him. He lifted Sano's head off the ground.

"Why?" yelled Kenshin. "A man in his prime cut down in the line of duty!"

"It was Tsubame," muttered Sano. "Neutralize the threat."

Kenshin let go of Sano and jumped off the platform.

"You fool!" shrieked Lord Yamagata. "It was just a rice ball!"

Kenshin was on the ground and saw Tsubame standing with the tray. He ran as fast as he could and tackled her to the ground. Dust flew all over the place.

Sano was still laying on the platform like he was dead.

Lord Yamagata looked down at Sano and then at Kenshin.

"These men do not represent me in any way," he said to crowd, hoping to win back what little dignity he had left.

Then he walked away from the podium and off the platform.

Kenshin still had Tsubame in his clutches when Kaoru and Megumi grabbed him. They tried to pull him off of her.

"No," said Kenshin. "She's a threat to national security."

Kaoru smacked him in the head and he let go.

Then Megumi walked over to the platform. She walked on top of it and went over by Sano.

"Moron Theater's over Sano, get off the ground," said Megumi.

Sano just lay there.

Then Megumi kicked him off the platform. He got off the ground and wiped the dirt off his clothes. Megumi left the platform and they both walked back to Kenshin and Kaoru.

"Why is Tsubame a threat to national security?" asked Kaoru to Kenshin.

"Because she tried to assassinate Lord Yamagata again," said Kenshin. "She spilled some stuff on him at the Akabeko the first time, and she came back to finish the job."

"She might even have accomplices, so let's interrogate her," said Sano as he came over by them.

"I'm not a bad person," said Tsubame. "I just tripped over a stone. And the last time I just accidentally spilled some food on him. I wasn't trying to take him out. This is just a big misunderstanding."

Tae walked up to them.  
"She's telling the truth ya'll," she said. "I saw her accidentally spill the food on

Lord Yamagata and trip over the stone. She may be clumsy but she's not a threat to national security."

"And to think, we made those wanted posters, setup the vice operation, and did all that research for nothing," said Sano. "It seemed to all make sense then."

Then Lord Yamagata came up to them.

"I can't believe you two," said Aritomo. "Now you plan operations behind my back and pick on children. That's pretty low. I've had it. You've tarnished everything good the secret service, the army, and the Japanese federal government stand for, and they may never recover from your insolence. Kenshin and Sano, you are now relieved from your duties as being my bodyguards. May Buddha have mercy on your souls."

He turned around and walked away.

"Come on Sano," said Kenshin, "Let's go home."

"Yeah," said Sano.

"Apologize!" screamed Megumi and Kaoru at the same time.

"Sorry," said Kenshin.

"Yeah, sorry," said Sano.

"I suppose I forgive you," said Tsubame. "You guys just can't help being stupid, that's all."

Sano and Kenshin put on their sunglasses. Then everybody walked off into the sunset.

"I think we were just a couple years ahead of our time," said Kenshin.

"Yep," said Sano. "But, we'll be back."

The End


	24. Episode 24

LABOR OF LOVE/RUMOR FOR ONE MORE

It was in the afternoon at the Himura house. Kaoru had just finished her 2:00 pm lesson, and was on her way to change out of her workout clothes. She went into her bedroom and put on a purple kimono, a purple obi, and a purple hair ribbon. Kaoru grew tired of being adventures and combining different colored clothes together. So, she decided to go the opposite direction and be more conservative. After she was done with that, she took her dirty workout clothes to Kenshin. Since he was doing the laundry, it was the perfect time to get them clean.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru as she came up to him. "I finished my class, so here are my workout clothes."

She handed them to Kenshin.

"Yay," said Kenshin sarcastically as he took the clothes. "I get to do more laundry. I'm the luckiest person in the world."

"Oh, quit your whining," said Kaoru. "You're already doing the laundry, so what's some more clothes?"

"Well," said Kenshin, "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one washing them."

"Like I said before," said Kaoru, "Quit your whining."

Kenji then came walking by.

"Gees," he said as he came by them. "What's with all the purple? You look like a grape."

"Oh, shut up," said Kaoru. "I do not. I look fine. I got bored with multiple colors, so I wanted to go for a more uniform look."

"Don't you mean boring look?" said Kenshin.

"Strait on!" said Kenji.

"Okay," said Kaoru irritated. "Enough. One more smart remark, and I'm going to make my version of beef hot pot for dinner."

Kenshin and Kenji shut up immediately because they knew that her beef hot pot was one of her more disgusting meals.

Just then, Yahiko came up to them.

"How did you get in here?" asked Kaoru.

"The gate was unlocked, so I came in," said Yahiko.

He then gave his attention to Kenji.

"Hey Kenji," said Yahiko. "I heard a rumor that there is a dead body in the woods. Want to go check it out?"

"Mom," said Kenji, "Can I…"

"Sure," said Kaoru. "Just be back by six o' clock. That's when we're eating."

"Yes!" said Kenji. "Come on Yahiko, let's go before my mom realizes what she has just done."

Kenji and Yahiko dashed off to find that dead body.

"Kaoru, did one of your students whack you in the head with a bokken?" asked Kenshin.

"No," said Kaoru. "I did not sustain any head injury."

"So," said Kenshin, "You were capable of rational thought when you told him that he could go."

"Yes," said Kaoru.

"Okay," said Kenshin, still puzzled. "Since we have established that fact, I now have a new question. Why?"

"Because," said Kaoru, "There's no dead body in the woods. Nothing's going to happen to them."

"Well," said Kenshin, "I know that. But the thing that puzzles me is that you let Kenji do something that's going to be fun."

"Oh, come on," said Kaoru. "I'm not that evil. Besides, it'll keep him out of my hair for a couple of hours. Every time he hangs around the house, he just ends up brothering me continuously."

"That sounds like Kenji," said Kenshin. "You give him so much and he gives you nothing in return except for pain and misery."

Yahiko and Kenji were heading down the road towards the woods.

"So," said Kenji, "Where is this dead body in the woods?"

"I have no idea," said Yahiko. "All the rumor said was that it was in these woods somewhere."

They continued walking until they found the entrance to the woods. When they got closer to it, they found Megumi by it. She was gathering herbs for the clinic.

"Hey," said Kenji. 'There's Megumi. Let's go pester her."

"Okay," said Yahiko.

They both rushed over to her.

"Megumi," said Kenji as they came over to her. "What are you doing here?"

Megumi looked up from where she was kneeling and saw them coming.

"Oh, hello boys," said Megumi as they came up to her. "I'm just collecting some herbs for the clinic. Dr. Genzai somehow lost all the ones that we originally had. So, what brings you two here?"

"Rumor has it," said Yahiko, "That there's a dead body somewhere in the woods. We're going to try and find it."

"Well," said Megumi, who was playing along with the whole idea, "If you find it, what are you going to do?"

"We haven't really thought of that," said Yahiko. "Maybe we'll poke it with a stick."

"Yeah," said Kenji, "Or maybe we'll chop it into pieces and eat them so therefore we will get the ability to travel between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Then we will form an army consisting of the dead and lead them into the world of the living so that we may conquer it."

Megumi and Yahiko just started at him without saying a word.

"What?" asked Kenji. "It could happen."

"Well," said Yahiko, "We have to get going. Kenji and I both have to be back by six. We'll see you later."

"Okay," said Megumi. "Have fun on your little quest."

"We will," said Kenji. "See you."

Kenji and Yahiko ran off into the woods.

"Those two certainty have a big imagination," said Megumi to herself. "I just hope that they don't injure themselves during this."

Back at the Himura house Kaoru was fixing up the dojo. It was dusty and dirty, so a nice cleaning was in order. She went into the shed, got some dust rags, a bucket, and a mop and went to clean the dojo. After an hour of cleaning she got it done.

"That didn't take as long as I expected," said Kaoru in her mind. "What to do now? I've got it! Kenji and Yahiko are off on their dopey quest, Sano and Megumi are nowhere to be seen, and the chores are about done, which mean Kenshin and I are alone."

She walked back to Kenshin, who was still doing the laundry. She stopped a few feet behind him. Kenshin heard her and turned around. Kaoru then loosened the top of her Kimono. Kenshin turned around and gave her a look of fright.

"Hey Kenshin," said Kaoru. "I'm about to put the 'S' in sexy."

"More like the 'D' in disgusting," said Kenshin.

Kaoru moved in for the kill.

"Sano, Megumi, Kenji, Yahiko, even Katsu!" yelped Kenshin. "I could use some Kaoru-trying-to-do-it intervention right about now!"

But it was too late Kaoru captured him. The next thing he knew he was sitting in the living room all tied up with rope. Kaoru was sitting in front of him.

"Welcome to my love dungeon," said Kaoru.

"That's it Kaoru," said Kenshin strongly. "You're grounded. You're not allowed to see Megumi for six months."

"You know Kenshin, you're really hot when you try to be macho," said Kaoru.

"Try to be macho?" asked Kenshin.

"We're going to have so much fun," said Kaoru.

Kenshin's eyes got big and he started to shake.

"You know how I feel about post-martial grown up fun Kaoru," said Kenshin.

Kaoru got a hungry look in her eyes.

"Uh…we have to set a good example for the Kenji," said Kenshin.

Nothing seemed to faze Kaoru.

"I've got to think," said Kenshin in his head. "There has to be a way for me to buy some time."

He thought for a minute.

"Kaoru, I just saw Ed O'Neal walk past the living room," said Kenshin. "What's he doing here?"

"I'm on it," said Kaoru.

She got off the floor and ran into the hallway.

Kenshin looked around and saw his sakabatou lying by his futon. It was halfway out of the sheath.

He tipped over on his side and squirmed over to it. He cut himself loose and took off into the house somewhere.

Kaoru came back to the living room and saw that he was gone.

"You fool!" shrieked Kaoru. "I'm horny so nothing will stand in my way of conquering you Kenshin!"

Kenshin, now weary, was staggering through one of the hallways.

"I have to…I have to do something," said Kenshin to himself. "It's only a matter of time before she gets me. Oh why, oh why didn't I put in that friendship tunnel that Sano and I were talking about?"

Meanwhile Kenji and Yahiko were still looking for that body. As they were walking through the woods, Kenji had an idea.

"Maybe," said Kenji as they were walking, "The body will be in a tree."

"How stupid are you?" said Yahiko. "It can't be in a tree. How would it stay up there?"

"It could be impaled to the tree," said Kenji.

"Okay," said Yahiko. "That makes logical sense. The body could be stuck to a tree like that, but it's very unlikely. The most likely spot would be on the ground somewhere, so that's what were only going to be concerned about."

They then came to a stream that was about five feet in width.

"We'll have to jump over the stream to continue our journey," said Yahiko. "I'll go first."

Yahiko took a running start. When he got right to the edge of the stream, he took a giant leap of the ground. He flew right over the stream and landed on the other side.

After Yahiko was on the other side, Kenji started his run. He made numerous brisk footsteps. When he arrived at the edge of the stream, he too took a giant leap off the ground. However, instead of landing on the other side, he landed in the stream. He landed in the center on his feet.

"Wow," said Yahiko as he stared at Kenji in the middle of the stream. "That was just dumb. Come on, let's get going."

"My mom's going to have a fit," said Kenji as he stared at his sandals. "I got my sandals and my socks wet."

"Oh, quit your complaining," said Yahiko. "They'll dry before we'll get home, so everything will be fine."

Kenji came running out of the stream.

"I can't believe how much of a candy-ass you are," said Yahiko as they continued walking. "You couldn't even jump over a stupid little stream."

"You don't have to talk about it," said Kenji. "I already feel bad enough about it without you making fun of me."

"Okay," said Yahiko. "I can continue the fun later. Now, let's focus on finding that body."

They kept walking around looking for any signs of a body. Yahiko found a bunch of bushes and looked through them, but didn't find anything. Kenji found a patch of tall grass and went looking in there. He didn't find anything.

Kenji and Yahiko kept walking until Kenji spotted something. He spotted a pile that looked about as big as a person lying under some short trees. Since the shade was pretty dark, Kenji couldn't make out what it was.

"Look!" said Kenji as he pointed ahead of them. "I see something. I can't tell what it is, but it kind of looks like a person."

"Hot damn!" said Yahiko. "Let's go."

They ran up the mass underneath the trees. When they got, their excitement turned into disappointment.

"Ah, crap!" said Kenji as they came up to it. "It's just a big pile of gold, silver, and jewels."

"Well, this certainly blows!" said Yahiko. "Come one. Let's continue the search."

Things were still crazy back at Kenshin's house. Kenshin was hiding in the bathroom now. He was kneeling by the door holding it incase Kaoru tried to get in.

"Kaoru takes things way too seriously," said Kenshin to himself. "She has not only crossed the line of insanity, she's thrown up on it too. Let me see, if I can acquire some weapons I could provide myself cover fire while I escape."

He noticed a bucket of water by the tub. He went over and grabbed it.

Just then a bokken broke through the rice paper wall.

"I better gun it," said Kenshin to himself.

He started to run towards the door. Kaoru came through the rice paper wall and Kenshin threw the bucket of water on her. Kaoru got all wet and her clothes got stuck to he body, so you could see the shape of her figure.

"My eyes," said Kenshin. "They burn."

He ran into the hallway.

"Sorry Kenshin!" yelled Kaoru. "It's going to take more than a bucket of water to cool me off!"

Kenshin ran until a corner came up. He turned it, slid across the floor, and then regained his grip. He saw the door to the outside and made a dash for it. When he reached the door, it closed on him. He tried to slide it open but it wouldn't budge. Then he heard laughter.

He turned around and into the hallway again. He decided to go to the kitchen to load up on food. When he was running there he heard something, so he jumped into a room nearby. He closed the door. Then someone walked past the room. They stopped and then they left. After a minute he opened the door slightly, peered out to see if the coast was clear, then left the room. He went into the kitchen and checked all the cupboards. He took some sushi, some rice balls, and a jar of green tea (sake would only impair his ability to escape). Then he slowly made his way out of the kitchen so he wouldn't drop anything.

He tiptoed through the hallway nervously.

"How will I escape?" he thought. "What evil does Kaoru hold in store for me? Why am I willingly going to eat Kaoru's food? These are questions I shouldn't ask because there just aren't any answers to them."

He passed the master bedroom and tried the door. It slid open and he walked inside. He closed the door, barricaded it, and sat on the futon.

"This is the perfect hiding place," said Kenshin to himself. "This is the last place I would ever come to. Now it's a matter of flight or fight. Well, since Kaoru cut of my exit and she'll hunt me down at all costs, I have no choice but to fight. But can one man stand his own ground against a woman who is a passion junkie? I better hunker down and get some rest, because this will be the battle for the ages."

Kaoru was outside walking through one of the hallways.

"You can run Kenshin!" she yelled. "But you can't hide…for long!"

She walked around for a couple more minutes before retiring to the living room. She got a blanket and pillow out and curled up with them.

"You're such a tease Kenshin," she said to herself. "But I'm not worried, I'll get you. And when I do, we'll have so much fun we'll put Sano and Megumi to shame."

She fell fast asleep.

In the master bedroom Kenshin was lying awake on the futon. He was staring at the ceiling.

"When you think about it, fighting Saito and Shishio wasn't all that bad," said Kenshin to himself.

Then he fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Kenji and Yahiko were still looking for that dead body. As they were walking up a hill, they had to have conversations in order to keep themselves from getting bored.

"I think Tsubame likes you," said Kenji.

"No she doesn't!" snapped Yahiko. "And, besides, it doesn't matter. Even if she does like me in that special way, I don't like her in that special way."

"I think not," said Kenji. "I think you do like her."

"I do not!" screamed Yahiko.

"Yes you do," said Kenji. "If you truly didn't like her, you wouldn't be so defensive about it. Now, come on and admit your true feelings for her."

"Listen," said Yahiko as his face turned bright red, "The only feelings I have right now are those of anger. If you don't stop it right now, I'm going to kick your ass."

"You can't kick my ass," said Kenji. "I'm the son of the greatest warrior that ever lived. Plus, you can't beat me because you're just a pansy lover boy."

"That's it!" screamed Yahiko.

Yahiko lunged at Kenji with all his might.

Yahiko hit Kenji and they both toppled onto the ground. They then continued to wrestle on the ground. Since they were at the top of the hill, the only direction that they could go was down. Kenji and Yahiko started to roll down the rill. They tried to grab on to something, so they grabbed on to each other, which did nothing. They both tumbled down the hill heading to the bottom, which was a huge mud pit. When they actually hit the bottom, there was a huge splash and mud flew everywhere. Kenji and Yahiko just lay there for a few moments staring up into the sky wondering what had just happened.

"I now know for sure that I'm going to get in trouble," said Kenji. "I just ruined my clothes."

"I'll have to pay the piper too," said Yahiko. "I just got these clothes a week ago and now they're destroyed. Well, let's not worry about that until we get back home. Let's just continue looking for the body."

"Okay," said Kenji.

They both hauled themselves out of the mud pit and continued on their way. As they were walking, Kenji started to have doubts about the expedition.

"I think the rumors a fake," said Kenji as they were walking. "There's no dead body in here."

"Never doubt the rumor," said Yahiko. "There is a dead body in here. We just have to look harder. I'm sure that if…who am I kidding? There is no dead body here. The rumor is a complete bust. I dragged us on this stupid journey for nothing."

"Don't take it so hard," said Kenji. "That's why it was a rumor. Nobody knows for sure if a dead body is really here or not. We just came out here to see if the rumor was true, and apparently it's not. So, let's get out of here and go back home."

Just then, Kenji spotted something out of the corner of his eye, and that something looked like a body.

A few hours went by before Kenshin woke up. He lost all track of time and space. He sat up and cherished the few moments before he remembered what was going on.

"What a beautiful day…or night this…is," said Kenshin to himself.

He ate and drank merrily, for it could be his last.

"Now I need a weapon," said Kenshin to himself. "I know: I'll use this pillow. I'll try to defeat Kaoru with it's ultra fluffiness."

Back in the living room Kaoru woke up. She sat up and yawned.

"That was a good nap," thought Kaoru. "Man do I have a lot of excess energy. I'm going to rock Kenshin's world back six generations."

She got off the floor and went to find Kenshin.

Kenshin left the master bedroom and went to find Kaoru.

By accident they both walked into the same hallway. They just stood there looking at each other. Then it happened…Kenshin let a fart go. Then it actually happened…

Kaoru and Kenshin started to run at each other. They ran so fast it was like a bunch of blurs flying around. They got right up to each other when Kenshin smacked Kaoru in the head with the pillow. Then Kaoru broke out her bokken (I never saw that one coming) and tripped Kenshin with it. He fell to the floor and blocked all of Kaoru's thrusts. Then he rolled backwards and jumped onto his feet. He turned and ran.

"I like this game Kenshin," said Kaoru. "You're like the naughty student that needs to be taught a lesson by the sexy teacher."

All Kenshin could do was scream. He ran into a room and ducked behind the wall. Kaoru came in next and Kenshin jumped out behind her and did a sneak attack. He hit her in the back with the pillow. Kaoru just turned around.

"That was pointless," said Kenshin.

Kaoru took the bokken, flipped it horizontally, and pined Kenshin against the wall with it.

"Kenshin, I came up with all kinds of fantasies we can play out," said Kaoru erotically.

"Is the one where 'Kenshin escapes' on your list?" asked Kenshin.

He dropped to the ground and slid in between Kaoru's legs. Then he dropped kicked Kaoru in the leg and she flopped onto the ground. He got up and ran out of the room.

Kaoru hoisted herself back up with her bokken. She walked out of the room. Kenshin was outside standing with the pillow, ready to attack.

Kaoru raced towards Kenshin and he flung the pillow at her. She used the bokken as a pole and pole-vaulted over it. Then she stuck her leg out and kicked Kenshin in the chest. Kenshin flew backwards six feet and landed on his back.

"I'm the Battousai," thought Kenshin to himself. "This isn't supposed to happen."

"I am woman!" yelled Kaoru. "Hear me roar!"

"Oh come on, that's so clichéd," said Kenshin as he stumbled to his feet.

"Give in my feisty love muffin," said Kaoru. "You can't resist my sexiness."

"Okay, I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," said Kenshin.

Kaoru just stood their twirling her bokken.

"Yahiko!" shouted Kenji as he pointed towards the thing's direction. "I think I see a body!"

Yahiko looked in the direction and saw the thing too.

"I think you might be right," said Yahiko. "That does look like one. Let's go check it out."

They both started to run up to the thing lying on the ground. When they got a couple feet in front of it, they immediately knew what it was.

"Gr. Genzai?" said Yahiko as him and Kenji walked up to him. "You're the dead body in the rumor I heard?"

Dr. Genzai was sleeping, but Yahiko's remark woke him up. He opened his eyes and rubbed them a little bit.

"Am I in heaven?" asked Dr. Genzai as he still was not fully conscious yet.

He then sat up and looked directly at his discoverers.

"Kenji and Yahiko?" said Dr. Genzai. "Ah! This must be the other place!"

"Calm down," said Kenji. "You're not dead. You were just sleeping in these woods."

"Oh," said Dr. Genzai, "I remember now. The clinic was closed today because we're having some carpenters remodel the inside. It turns out that the termite invasion we had last week did more damage than we thought. Well, I decided that I don't get out much, so I went to the Hadouken. I went to the place right after lunch. About ten bottles of sake later, I left for home. All I can figure is that I must have wondered into these woods and passed out."

"Well," said Yahiko. "That does certainly explains why you're here, but I have one more question. Who's watching Ayame and Suzume?"

"Oh, no need to worry," said Dr. Genzai. "They're in good hands. Before I went to the bar, I left them at Megumi's. She's the only other person in the city, besides me and possibly Tae, who's capable of taking care of them."

"But we saw her collecting herbs at the entrance to these woods," said Kenji, "And Ayame and Suzume weren't with her."

Dr. Genzai, Yahiko, and Kenji just stared at each other for a few moments without saying anything.

"Oh crap!" they all screamed at once.

Dr. Genzai jumped off the ground with ease. He, Kenji, and Yahiko then ran as fast as they could back home.

"I hope we're not too late," said Kenji as they were running.

"Dr. Genzai," said Yahiko. "How could you do this? How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I had no idea that she was going to do this," said Dr. Genzai. "When we get there, I'm going to chew her out thoroughly."

They all kept running towards the entrance of the woods with impeccable speed, for every second counted. They had no time to lose.

After several minutes of running, Kenji, Yahiko, and Dr. Genzai made it to the entrance of the woods.

"On to Megumi's house!" yelled Kenji as they ran out of the woods.

They then all headed that direction.

After another several minutes, they arrived at Megumi's house. They all dashed to the front door and flung it open.

"Sano!" yelled Dr. Genzai as him, Kenji and Yahiko piled inside. "Step away from the kids! We have you surrounded!"

Megumi and Sano were just stared at them from the kitchen table.

"What are you talking about?" said Megumi.

"How could you leave my grandchildren with Sano when you went collecting herbs," said Dr Genzai. "He's incapable of taking care of living things."

"I know that," said Megumi. "That's why I went herb collecting when Ayame and Suzume were taking naps. That way Sano wouldn't have to do anything."

"Hey!" said Sano to Megumi. "Out of all the people to criticize me, I thought you'd be the last one."

"Well," said Megumi. "You're not exactly the most responsible person in Tokyo."

"That's not true," said Sano. "I can take care of other living things. I take care of you."

"That's true," said Megumi, "But that's not necessary for my survival. That's just for my pleasure."

Dr. Genzai, Kenji, and Yahiko just gave them a weird look.

"Uh…" said Megumi. "I'll go wake up Ayame and Suzume to let them know you're here."

With an embarrassed look on her face, Megumi stood up and went to fetch Ayame and Suzume.

It seemed like forever, but only a couple of minutes went by. Kenshin and Kaoru were still standing looking at each other. It was like they were trying to read each other's minds.

"Come on, do something Kaoru," said Kenshin. "You know I have a short attention span."

"I'm just trying to think of what I'm going to do with you," said Kaoru. "The possibilities are endless. I just can't decide but I'm sure I'll figure it out sometime."

She started to approach Kenshin slowly.

"Here I come my sexy swordsman of sensual sassiness," said Kaoru seductively.

"You know," thought Kenshin, "Being a macho man of massive masculinity is a double edged sword. It's a gift as well as a curse. I hate to say it, but Kaoru's going to win."

Kaoru was still walking towards him.

Suddenly Kenshin's eyes got really big.

"I figured it out," thought Kenshin. "I know how to defeat Kaoru. The key is to give her what she wants. But too much of something isn't good. So I'll just overdose Kaoru on action. If I can go longer than she can, she'll be so exhausted she won't want to fool around again. I'm prepared to sacrifice myself for men everywhere, as much as it scares the living poop out of me. The maniac dance ends now."

Kaoru was closing in now.

Kenshin just stood there frozen. He had a serious demeanor but was sweating a little bit.

Kaoru grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. Kenshin kept his dignity all the way there. He remembered all the good times (Yes, Kenshin had good times). Kaoru slid open the master bedroom door and walked inside. Kenshin turned around at the threshold and stared into the wild blue yonder.

He said, "Don't remember me for who I was, please remember me for what I did."

Kaoru grabbed Kenshin and dragged him into the darkness. The door slid closed.

After three hours of action, Kenshin and Kaoru were lying on the futon under the covers.

"Wow!" said Kaoru. "That was incredible, but exhausting."

"Well," said Kenshin. "I could go for another round."

"You can't be serious," said Kaoru. "We were at it for three hours. How can you have any energy left?"

"Baby," said Kenshin, "I can go forever."

"Uh," moaned Kaoru.

Kenshin snuggled against Kaoru.

"No!" shrieked Kaoru.

She grabbed her pillow and stuffed it into Kenshin's face. She kept screaming and desperately scrambled out of the bed. She made it and wobbled over to the door.

Kenshin got a smirk on his face. Then he got out of bed too.

Kaoru had left to the kitchen to make some coffee because she was tired. Kenshin got to the door and stopped at the threshold.

He said, "Don't think of me as a hero, think of me as someone who did the right thing."

He happily marched over into the kitchen.

Kenji, Yahiko, and Dr. Genzai were still at Sano's house. Apparently Sano was telling one of his endless stories, and everybody lost track of the time.

"And that is how I discovered gravity," said Sano.

"What time is it?" said Yahiko as he was sitting at the table. "It seems like we've been here for twenty years."

Megumi looked at the clock.

"It's seven o'clock," she said.

"I was supposed to be home by six," said Kenji. "Mom's going to be pissed!"

"I have to get home too," said Yahiko.

"Yeah," said Dr. Genzai. "I have to get home. If I don't feed Ayame and Suzume soon they're going to give me hell when it's their bedtime."

Dr. Genzai got up from the table and left with his grandchildren.

"Sorry we have to blast out of here," said Kenji, "But our lives hang in the balance."

"That's fine," said Megumi. "I completely understand."

Kenji and Yahiko both jumped off the ground and ran out the door.

Back at the Himura house, Kenshin was would not quit. He refused to abort the mission.

"Back off Kenshin," said Kaoru as he came into the kitchen. "I'm tired and I can't go on."

"But you're my playmate," said Kenshin. "I need you."

Just as Kaoru was about to give an answer, she took a glance at the clock.

"It's seven o'clock," she said. "Kenji's going to be home any second, and I haven't made dinner yet. We'll have to go to the Akabeko. It's too late for me to cook."

"We should probably put our clothes back on before we do anything," said Kenshin.

In the haste of all this, Kaoru and Kenshin forgot to put their clothes on, so ever since they left the bedroom, they had been naked.

"You're right," said Kaoru. "Let's hurry before Kenji gets home."

Kaoru and Kenji walked back to the bedroom.

They just finished getting dressed when Kenji walked in the door. They came out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen. Kenji was in there looking nervous. They walked passed him and Kenshin grabbed his shirt and dragged him along.

"What the heck?" spurted Kenji as he was being dragged out the door.

"Food now," said Kenshin.

"Where?" asked Kenji.

"Akabeko," said Kenshin.

"Works for me," said Kenji.

The End


	25. Episode 25

AS THEY WANDER IN THE MIST

It was six o'clock at night. Katsu was in his house getting ready for dinner. He had a loaf of bread with him and a bucket of water. He went outside, got a fire burning, poured some water into a pot, and boiled it. Then he came back into his house and mixed the hot water with some bread.

"Ah," said Katsu. "My favorite, gruel."

He took a sip.

"That's good eating if I say so myself," said Katsu. "Now what to do after dinner. Anarchy, chaos, and assassinations must be slow since the black-market hasn't given many orders in the last few weeks. With business so slow maybe I should take some time off. Hey! Maybe I can hang out with some of my friends. I haven't seen Tommy and Victor in awhile."

Then he thought for a minute.

"On second thought no," said Katsu. "The last time I hung out with them, we went fishing and ended up lighting the lake on fire. I tried to tell them that's not how you make fish sticks, but no, since they were fisherman they knew what they were doing."

He thought for another minute.

"But Sano's not psycho," he said. "He's just stupid. I'll go over to his place and see if he wants to hang out."

He finished eating his dinner. After cleaning up he decided to rest for a little bit and then he headed out to get Sano. He walked through the marketplace and it was pretty empty. The shops were closed and everybody was home. Also, a mist was starting to come in. He kept walking and then saw Sano's house. He quickly ran up to the door and started knocking.

Inside and Megumi and Sano were sleeping (which is rare) but they woke up.

"Who could that be?" asked Megumi. "It better not be Kenshin. The last time he came over here in the middle of the night, he wanted to track down the dagger of time."

"Well, I'll go see who it is," said Sano.

He got out of bed and walked to the door. When he opened it he found Katsu standing there.

"Hey," said Sano. "I haven't seen you in a long time. I thought the Imperialists caught you and beheaded you."

"Nope," said Katsu.

Megumi came to the door.

"Katsu?" said Megumi. "What do you need, money or something?"

"Nope," said Katsu. "I was just wondering if Sano would like to hang out with me for awhile. I don't have anything to do."

"You want Sano to hang out with you at ten o'clock at night when it's foggy?" asked Megumi.

"Yeah," said Katsu.

"Please Megumi," said Sano. "I promise we won't get into trouble."

"I'm not your mommy," said Megumi. "But I should still probably make this decision for you. When you make your own decisions, someone usually ends up getting incapacitated."

Megumi rubbed her hand on her chin and thought about it for a few seconds.

"Since it's just you two, the chances of someone getting hurt are a lot lower," she said. "It's night so a lot of places are closed. And it's also foggy so you can't really go far. Sure, why not."

Sano and Katsu jumped up and down cheering.

"I'm going to bed now," said Megumi. "So don't get any serious injuries because you're screwed then."

She left to go back to bed.

"Let's go!" said Sano. "We've already wasted several minutes talking about nothing."

Sano and Katsu left in the night.

"So," said Sano as they were walking, "Do you have any particular thing you want to do?"

"Nope," said Katsu. "I thought of this night venture on a whim. I just thought we would wander around and what ever happens, happens."

"Excellent," said Sano. "Organized plans are for losers. Real men just do stuff spontaneously without any premeditated junk."

They kept walking until they got into the heart of the marketplace.

"So," said Katsu looking around at the dead city, "What do you want to do?"

"Well," said Sano, "Whatever we can do. Our choices are very limited."

"How about we go to the Hadouken and get liquored up?" said Katsu.

"I don't think it'll be open," said Sano, "But we can give it a try."

Katsu and Sano went to the Hadouken. When they arrived, the building was dark with no sign of life.

"Well," said Sano. "It looks closed. Come on, let's go do something else."

"Let me knock on the door first," said Katsu.

He then went up to the door.

"Katsu," said Sano. "That's going to do nothing. It's closed. Let's go."

Katsu, ignoring Sano, knocked on the door several times.

The door slowly opened up and Scruffy appeared.

"Well, I'll be damned," said Sano. "Scruffy is actually here."

"What are you guys doing here?" said Scruffy as he yawned.

"Sano and I wanted to get some sake," said Katsu.

"At this hour?" asked Scruffy.

"Yeah," said Katsu. "Why not?"

"Okay," said Scruffy. "Come on in."

Sano and Katsu went into the establishment.

"Why is this placed closed?" asked Sano as him and Katsu sat at the bar. "This is a bar. Isn't it supposed to be open till three o'clock in the morning?"

"Moron!" said Scruffy. "I'm the only person who works here. I can't run this place eighteen hours a day. "

"Okay," said Sano. "That explains that. Now I have a new question. Since your bar is closed during the night, shouldn't you be at home sleeping?"

"This is my home," said Scruffy.

"You mean you don't have an actual house you live in?" asked Katsu.

"No," said Scruffy. "When I first opened up this place, I lived here while I looked for a house. Well, eventually my search for a real house dissipated and I ended of living here permanently."

"Wow!" said Sano. "You're living everyman's fantasy. You're living in a place with large amounts of alcohol and no women no nag you."

"That's right," said Scruffy. "Now you said you wanted some sake, correct?"

"Yes," said Katsu.

Scruffy pulled out two cups and a bottle of sake. He filled the cups with the alcoholic substance and gave them to Katsu and Sano.

"So," said Sano. "Where do you sleep in here?"

"I sleep anywhere I want to," said Scruffy, "Except in front of the door. That's the dead man position."

"So," said Sano, "I take it that the dead man position is a bad thing then?"

"Gee," said Scruffy, "I don't know. Does it sound like there could be any good thing about it?"

Sano thought for a moment.

"I guess not," said Sano.

"Well," said Scruffy. "There you go. The dead man position is something you want to avoid."

Sano and Katsu drank their sake. Since Sano neglected to bring money (go figure), Katsu had to pay the tab.

"See you," said Katsu as him and Sano were walking out the bar.

"Well, have fun on your little nighttime wondering," said Scruffy.

Sano left the building, and then did Katsu, who closed the door behind him.

"Now what?" asked Sano.

"I guess we can find a gambling establishment," said Katsu. "They're basically the only things that are open this late."

Katsu and Sano wondered aimlessly in the fog to find a gambling parlor.

"I have a question," asked Katsu.

"Shoot," said Sano.

"What's it like sleeping with Megumi?" said Katsu.

"What?" asked Sano completely shocked.

"No, not that!" said Katsu, trying to desperately save his sorry hide. "I mean the actual act of sleeping. You know, the opposite of being awake."

"Oh, that," said Sano. "Well, that's a different story."

Sano then thought for moment of what to say. He had to be careful because he remembered what happened the last time when he gave away to much personal information (please refer to episode 18).

"Let's see," said Sano. "It's great. The bed is minutely warmer and when I snore I get woken up and told to stop. But the best part is that I can try to undress her."

He then realized what he had just said.

"Forget that last part," said Sano trying to cover it up. "It's not true. I was just having subliminal sexual thoughts when I was talking. Please don't tell Megumi."

"Relax," said Katsu. "Your little secret is safe with me."

"Thanks," said Sano. "Uh, what's with the weird question anyway?"

"Oh," said Katsu, "I'm just curious since I'm not married."

"I remember those times," said Sano. "You're a free man. You can do anything you want whenever you want. See, that's the major drawback of marriage. When you get married, you give up all your freedom."

Katsu and Sano kept walking until they found a gambling parlor. Katsu opened up the door and they walked in. Low and behold, whom did they happen to find in the place? The famous Zatôichi of course!

"Zatôichi?" exclaimed Sano as he and Katsu entered the building.

"Who's Zatôichi?" asked Katsu.

"He's this blind swordsman who lived with Kenshin for awhile," said Sano. "He's also a masseur. That's how he makes money."

"Wow!" said Katsu. "A blind masseur. I thought that such thing couldn't exist."

Sano and Katsu went right up to him.

"Hey Zatôichi," said Sano as him and Katsu sat down by him. "Long time no see."

"Greetings Sano," said Zatôichi. "How's it been going?"

"Pretty good," said Sano.

"And what about Megumi," said Zatôichi. "Is she doing well?"

"For the most part," said Sano, "Expect for that time she went crazy and took Dr. Genzai hostage in the clinic."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," said Zatôichi with extreme remorse. "I give my condolences."

"That's okay," said Sano. "Her sanity returned and now she's back to normal."

"Well, I'm certainly happy to here that," said Zatôichi. "Now, who's your friend?"

"How'd you do that!" said Katsu. "I was extremely quiet."

"Since, I'm blind," said Zatôichi to Katsu, "My other senses have been enhanced. I now have better hearing than most people do. So, what's your name?"

"I'm Katsuhiro Tsukioka," said Katsu, "But you can just call me Katsu for short."

"Katsuhiro Tsukioka?" said Zatôichi. "That name sound familiar. Hey, you're that guy who makes those crappy caricatures, right?"

"That's me," said Katsu. "Hey, wait a minute. They're not crappy."

"Yes, they are," said Zatôichi.

"How can you even say that?" said Katsu angrily. "You can't see."

"Hey," said Zatôichi, "Just because I can't see doesn't mean that I can't have a certain taste in art."

"Well," said Katsu, "I have a certain taste of dealing with people who criticize my art. I'm going to take one of my bombs and stick it up your ass!"

"Hold on," said Sano. "Let's stop this fight right now before you both kill each other or better likely just wound each other. Zatôichi, apologize for making fun of Katsu's caricatures."

"But," said Zatôichi, "I really don't like them. If I apologize, it's not going to mean anything."

"I don't care," said Sano. "Just do it."

"Fine," said Zatôichi.

He gave his attention to Katsu.

"I'm sorry I said your caricatures were crappy," said Zatôichi.

"I don't like your apology," said Katsu, "But I'll except it."

"Good," said Sano. "Now both hug."

"Sano," said Katsu, "Do you have a death wish? Never say that again."

A man approached to the head of the table.

"May I have your attention please," said the man. "We are about to begin the game."

The man knelt down. Then he held up a cup and two dice and showed them to the players.

"Any objections?" asked the man.

Nobody responded.

"All right then," said the man, "Place your bets."

He put the dice in the cup and flipped it upside down onto the table.

"Follow my lead," whispered Zatôichi.

"Okay," said Katsu and Sano.

"Even," said Zatôichi.

Then he put some of those betting bars on the table.

"Even," said Katsu.

Then he put some betting bars on the table also.

Sano did the same.

The man lifted the cup off the dice.

"5 and 1 makes 6, so it's even," said the man.

Sano, Katsu, and Zatôichi cheered.

One of the man's helpers gave them some betting bars.

"New game," said the man.

A few more games went by and Katsu and Sano kept copying Zatôichi. All three of them were on a winning streak.

"New game," said the man.

Then he held up a cup and two dice and showed them to the players.

"Any objections?" asked the man.

Nobody responded, just like before.

"All right then," said the man, "Place your bets."

He put the dice in the cup and flipped it upside down onto the table.

"Those dice sound different," said Zatôichi. "They must be loaded, which means you're cheating."

He ripped his sword out of his cane-sheath and stabbed the man in the arm. Then all of his cronies pulled out their swords and swarmed on top of him.

People were screaming and sunning around.

"Holy crap," shouted Sano.

"What the hell?" asked Katsu.

"Wouldn't be the first time," said Zatôichi.

He jumped to his feet.

Katsu and Sano did the same.

A guy dove at Zatôichi but he smacked him in the head with his cane. He fell to the floor. Another guy swung his sword at Katsu but he ducked and then punched him in the stomach. He tipped over onto his back. Sano picked up one of the guys and threw him through the wall.

"Let's get out of here!" shouted Zatôichi.

Katsu threw a couple of bombs to cover their escape. During the explosions, they ran out of the front door. Other people ran out too. Smoke was coming out of the door and there was fire.

"Katsu, you idiot!" screamed Sano. "You lit the gambling parlor on fire!"

"Don't yell at me!" yelled Katsu. "My bombs kept those men at bay so we could escape!"

"Calm down both of you," said Zatôichi. "Those men might come back."

The three of them ran down the street until they got too tired to move anymore.

"That was…fun," said Sano as he was panting. "Hold on, no it wasn't. We didn't get any of our money."

"Look at it this way," said Zatôichi. "You got to keep your life."

"I rather have my money," grumbled Sano.

"I can't believe you can fight like that," said Katsu. "I thought since your were a blind masseur, your fighting ability would be mediocre at best."

Zatôichi waved his hand at Katsu.

"Nah, I'm all man," said Zatôichi. "But now I better get going."

"Where will you be going?" asked Sano.

"Wherever my destiny takes me," said Zatôichi.

He turned around and started walking.

"Why is he walking through the Kikouken's front door?" asked Katsu.

"Don't worry," said Sano. "He knows what he's doing."

They turned around and started walking down the road again.

"I have an idea," said Sano. "Why don't we bowl using your bombs?"

"Sano," said Katsu, "Do you realize how immature, irresponsible, and dangerous that would be? Let's do it!"

He then realized something.

"What are we going to use for pins though?" asked Katsu.

"We can chop down trees and use logs," said Sano, "But where are we going to get an ax?"

"I have one of those," said Katsu.

"You have everything," said Sano. "You have bombs, freedom, artistic ability, and an ax. Is there anything you don't have?"

"I don't have beautiful wife with a prestigious career," said Katsu sadly.

"Hey," said Sano. "I have one of those! And since that is better than all the things you have, that means that I'm better than you."

"Yeah, that's great," said Katsu. "Let's just go back to my place to get the bombs and axe."

Sano and Katsu went back to his apartment to grab some bombs. They filled a huge sack up to the brim with them. They then went into the woods and looked for an open area where they could bowl. After searching for several minutes, they finally found a huge field.

Katsu took the axe and chopped down some trees and made some logs. Sano and Katsu then took them and assembled them in the correct way for bowling.

"I'll go first," said Katsu, "Since we're using my axe and my bombs."

Katsu lit a bomb and rolled it at the logs. The bomb rolled across the field and hit the first log. The log tipped over, and the then the bomb exploded. The explosion sent all the logs skyward. They then all hit the ground.

"Yes!" yelled Katsu. "A strike! Let's see you do that."

Sano took a bomb and lit it. He, like Katsu, rolled the bomb at the logs. The bomb moved towards the logs with great speed. It hit one of the logs on the left side of the setup. It then exploded, causing all the logs to fly in the air and hit the ground.

"Awesome!" screamed Sano.

"Beginner's luck," said Katsu.

"What are you talking about," said Sano. "You've never done this before either."

Sano and Katsu continued to play a few more rounds of bomb bowling. During each round, both Katsu and Sano got strikes (That was due to the bombs being able to explode). After the thirteenth round, Sano and Katsu got bored.

"This sucks," said Sano. "Every time we play, we both get strikes. I hate to say it, but this was a terrible idea."

"I agree," said Katsu. "Let's go do something else."

As they were about to leave, a group of people came out of nowhere and surrounded them. It was none other than the dreaded hippies.

"Halt!" said one of them. "You have been destroying the environment by cutting down trees and using them as pins and by blowing up the ground with bombs."

"Relax," said Katsu. "There are tons of trees in these woods. Plus, the bombs did hardly any damage to the ground. Look for yourself. There aren't even any holes. And besides, we stopped bowling because it got boring. We both kept getting strikes on every round."

"Silence!" said the hippie. "The trees are a scarce resource. Since you destroyed some of them, there is less oxygen on the planet now. And as for the bombs, they're destroying the grass and the dirt. They also are releasing toxins into the air, which are strong enough to kill single-celled bacteria."

"One," said Katsu. "Cutting down a couple of trees does not reduce the oxygen on the planet. Second, I made these bombs, and they're made out of one hundred percent environmentally safe material."

"What do you know?" said the hippie. "You and your friend are just evil polluters who are bent on destroying mother earth and all the creatures that inhabit it. In order to stop you, we will stage a protest. Commence the protest!"

The entire group of hippies all knelt on the ground and began playing the bongo drums that they brought with them.

Sano and Katsu just stood there and stared at them.

"This is stupid," said Sano. "Let's get out of here."

Katsu and Sano left the woods and went back to the marketplace.

"Since bomb bowling was a bust," said Katsu, "What do we do now?"

"Why don't we go pay Dr. Genzai a visit?" said Sano.

"Excellent idea!" said Katsu. "I haven't seen him in months, or years. Ah, I can't remember. Either way, let's go."

Sano and Katsu headed to the clinic where Dr. Genzai and his grandchildren were sleeping peacefully.

"I can't see anything in this mist," said Sano.

"It's like everyone in Tokyo farted at once," said Katsu.

After wandering for a long time, a very long time, Sano and Katsu reached the clinic.

"I thought we would never get out of that cave," said Katsu. "But when we figured out there was only one way out, why didn't we just go through it?"

"Just because it was the only way out doesn't mean it was the same way we came in," said Sano. "It could of led us into an alternate dimension where Kaoru was the supreme overlord bent on killing everybody, so she would be the most attractive person by default."

"Oh," said Katsu.

They went up to the clinic door and knocked. A few seconds later the door opened and Dr. Genzai was behind it.

"While I'll be an incompetent quack," said Dr. Genzai. "It's Sano and friend."

"My name's Katsu," said Katsu.

"No it isn't," said Dr. Genzai. "You're Nacho."

Sano and Katsu looked at each other.

"Come in, come in" said Dr. Genzai.

Sano and Katsu reluctantly walked inside.

"Welcome to my underground lair," said Dr. Genzai.

"It's not underground," said Sano.

"Use your imagination," said Dr. Genzai.

Just then Ayame and Suzume came walking into the room.

"What's all the noise?" asked Ayame.

"Yeah," said Suzume.

Then they realized Sano and Katsu were there.

"Uncle Sano and Uncle person we don't know!" shouted Ayame and Suzume.

They ran up to hug them.

"Why are you here?" asked Dr. Genzai. "I hope it's not to steal my invention, the orb of confusion, which I have not invented yet."

"No," said Sano. "We were just in the neighborhood and thought we'd visit you."

"Let's play!" shouted Ayame.

"Yeah!" shouted Suzume.

"Okay," said Sano.

"That sounds great," said Katsu.

Before they knew it they were sitting around a table playing tea party with Dr. Genzai, Ayame, and, Suzume.

Katsu whispered to Sano, "This is embarrassing."

"What's embarrassing?" asked Sano. "The fact that we're actually doing this, or the fact that Dr. Genzai actually suggested the tea party."

"Both," said Katsu.

"My 'Dr. Genzai sense' is tingling," said Dr. Genzai. "The tea must be done."

He left the table to get the tea.

"That's it," said Katsu.

He pulled out a bomb and a match.

"I'm going to blow gramps to kingdom come."

Sano grabbed him.

"No," he blurted out.

Dr. Genzai came back. He put the tea on the table. Then he sat down and started to pour it into the cups that were there.

After the tea party Katsu and Sano played with Ayame and Suzume some more. They colored, played with a ball, and played tag.

"I'm tired," said Ayame.

"I'm sleepy," said Suzume.

"We better get you two to bed," said Dr. Genzai.

He turned his attention to Sano and Katsu.

"Well, it was nice seeing you two. The kids are tired so I better put them to bed again. And I'm a little bushwhacked myself."

"That's okay," said Sano. "We better get going anyway. It's getting late."

"Goodbye," said Ayame.

"Goodnight," said Suzume.

Dr. Genzai took them back to their bedrooms.

Sano and Katsu walked out the door.

"I just remembered something," said Dr. Genzai.

Sano and Katsu turned around to find him standing at the door.

"I made up a theme song for myself," said Dr. Genzai. "I'd like to sing it for you and see what you think."

_Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai_

_Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai_

_Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai Dr. Genzai_

_Da Na Na Na Na Na_

_Na Na Na Na Na Na / Na_

_Dr. Genzai_

"That's nice," said Katsu awkwardly.

"It's a winner," said Sano awkwardly. "Also, before we go, I have one concern. What happened to you? You were always kind of stupid, but you were never crazy like this before."

"That's because I'm tired," said Dr. Genzai. "When I get tired I lose my entire mind, not just part of it when I'm not tired."

"Well, that makes sense," mumbled Sano.

"Also," said Dr. Genzai, "I thank you for your comments on my theme song. I really appreciate it. I'll see you later."

Then he shut the door.

Sano and Katsu started walking again.

"How does the government let him keep custody of his grandkids?" asked Sano.

"It's the government," said Katsu.

"How could I be so dumb," said Sano. "Well anyway it's been fun but I think we should call it a night."

"Same here," said Katsu.

They both went home.

"I'll see you another time," said Sano, as him and Katsu came up to his house.

"Yeah, I'll see you later too," said Katsu.

Katsu then left for his house.

Sano went up to the door and opened it. He walked inside, closed it, and headed to his bedroom. When he got there, he found Megumi sleeping on the right side of the bed. He also looked at the clock. It read 3:00 a.m.

"Wow!" whispered Sano to himself. "Katsu and I were gone for five hours. It felt more like the entire night."

He then took off his shirt and headband and crawled into bed.

Around 6:00 a.m., Megumi awoke to find Sano lying next to her. Since, she knew of his nighttime journey with Katsu, she didn't wake him up. She quietly got out of bed to go get ready for the day. She was very excited about the evening because she knew that Sano would give her the whole saga during dinner.

The End


	26. Episode 26

DOG DAYS AFTERNOON

It was 9:00 a.m. at the Sagara house. Megumi was at work (like usual) and Sano was lounging around the house (like usual).

"I wonder what I'm going to do today?" said Sano to himself when he walked into the kitchen.

Then he had an idea.

"I know!" he said. "I'll read the newspaper. I always learn something when I do that."

He went and found the newspaper on the kitchen table. He took a seat at the table and started reading it.

"Yes!" said Sano as he was looking through the paper. "My favorite section! The 'Food Guide!'

He started to read it diligently.

"The Akabeko is the top rated restaurant in the city again," said Sano. "This is the twenty-third week in a row. I wonder how it does that?"

He thought for a minute. All of a sudden, an idea hit him.

"I think I have it!" he said. "I bet that they put addictive drugs in their food. It has to be. How else could they accomplish such a winning streak?"

He then kept reading the paper. Like always, he read all the comics and skipped the political news because he didn't understand it.

After a few more minutes, there was a knock at the door.

"How dare I get interrupted during my paper," said Sano. "This better be good or they will suffer dire consequences."

Sano got off the floor and went to the front door. He opened it to find Chief Uramura with a dog.

"Chief Uramura!" said Sano. "What are you doing here?"

He then looked down and saw the dog.

"Notaro?" he said.

He then looked at Chief Uramura.

"What's going on here?" said Sano. "Why do you have Notaro?"

"His owner didn't want him anymore," said Uramura. "Apparently he became a monk so he gave up all his worldly possessions. He instructed me to take the dog and find a home for it. And since the dog loved you so much that time you found it by the shrine, I decided that you'd be the perfect new owner for it."

"I like the dog," said Sano, "But my wife feels differently."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," said Uramura. "Here you go."

He handed the Sano the rope that Notaro was tied too.

"What am I supposed to do with him?" asked Sano.

"Well," said Uramura, "You took care of him the first time you found it. My guess would be to repeat what you did then. Good luck."

Uramura turned around and left.

Sano then looked down at Notaro.

"I don't mind keeping you," said Sano to Notaro, "But I don't know about Megumi."

He then took Notaro inside.

"If we're going to convince Megumi to let you live here," said Sano, "You're going to have to be good, very good."

Notaro then coughed and puked on the porch.

"You're doomed," said Sano as he put his hand on his forehead.

Sano went and got a wet rag and wiped up the mess before it stained.

After that he decided to figure out how he was going to explain this to Megumi. In order to come up with the perfect plan, he took Notaro into the kitchen with him and sat at the table.

"Let's see," said Sano to Notaro. "Maybe I can tell her that if you can't stay here, I can't stay either."

Notaro just looked at him.

"That's dumb," said Sano. "She would then immediately throw you out. There has to be another way."

Sano thought and thought about what to do. After a half hour of debating, he finally had a plan.

"I guess I have to just tell her exactly what happened," he said, "And hopefully she'll let you stay."

The evening came by very slowly. Sano was still in the kitchen sitting at the table, but without Notaro. Notaro happened to just wander off somewhere in the house and disappeared.

When the clock struck 5:00 p.m., Megumi came in the house.

"Hello Sano," said Megumi as she came into the kitchen.

"Hello," said Sano.

"I'm just going to go put my stuff in the bedroom," said Megumi, "And then I'll get started on dinner."

"Okay," said Sano.

Megumi then left for the bedroom.

"I better tell her," said Sano as he got off the ground. "It'll be better if she finds out from me instead of accidentally bumping into him."

As he was walking down the hallway, he heard Megumi scream.

"Oh no!" he said.

He then ran into the bedroom.

When he got there, he found Megumi looking at their futon.

"What the hell is this?" said Megumi.

Sano looked at the futon and saw a brown mass.

"It looks like a turd," said Sano.

"Gross," said Megumi. "Where did it come from?"

"Um…" said Sano.

Just then, Notaro came running into the bedroom.

"Notaro?" exclaimed Megumi.

Notaro then ran up to Megumi and began humping her leg.

"Stop that!" yelled Sano as he went to pry Notaro off of her. "I'm supposed to do that. I'm her husband."

He grabbed Notaro and pulled him off of her.

Megumi gave a Sano a piercing glance.

"What's he doing here?" she asked.

"His owner became a monk and gave up all his worldly possessions," said Sano. "He told Chief Uramura to find a good home for him, so he brought him here."

"He can't stay here," said Megumi. "He's nothing but trouble, he's dirty, and we don't have the time to take care of him. Not to mention I don't even like dogs."

"Actually chow chows are very clean dogs Megumi," said Sano. "Also, I have the time to take care of him. As for your other points, they make sense but let's do a trial."

Sano picked up Notaro. He then shoved the dog's head into Megumi's face.

"You'll learn to like its chow chow-ness," said Sano.

"Ah!" shrieked Megumi. "Put it away!"

Sano put Notaro down.

Megumi stood there for a moment and then said, "Well, if you took care of him you would have something to do and you would learn some responsibility. That would be nice. Okay, he can stay."

"Hooray!" yelled Sano. "We have a pet!"

"Watch him closely," said Megumi. "I don't want to come home one day and find out we have more Notaros hanging around."

"I don't think Notaro can clone himself Megumi," said Sano.

Megumi just put her hand on her forehead.

"I'm going to make dinner," she said. "It should be ready in about half an hour."

"Okay," said Sano. "I think I'll take Notaro to Kenshin's. This way they won't get surprised by Notaro's salvo of ground to air turd missiles."

Sano, Megumi, and Notaro walked into the kitchen. Sano put the rope back on Notaro.

"Come on boy," said Sano. "We're going for a walk."

Notaro bit the rope apart and walked through the rice paper wall. He got outside and was still walking.

Megumi just looked at Sano.

"It's Notaro," said Sano. "You should have expected this so don't look so surprised."

He walked outside after Notaro.

While Notaro was walking he smelled something, so he decided to see where it was coming from. He followed the smell and ended up at Kenshin's house. Kenshin, Kenji, and Kaoru were sitting outside in front of the house eating dinner. They were sitting around a big pot over a fire. In the pot was a stew Kaoru made. Notaro walked through the open gate and up to the pot.

Everybody stopped eating and just looked at him.

"Notaro?" said exclaimed Kaoru, Kenji, and Kenshin.

Sano finally made it to their house.

Notaro stuck his head in the pot and started eating. After a minute he took his head out, walked a little bit, and then threw up.

"He did what we were all thinking," said Kenshin.

Kaoru looked in the pot.

"No!" yelled Kaoru, "There's a hairball in the stew!"

"An improvement," said Kenji.

Sano went up to Notaro.

"I'm sure PETA will be on my ass now," said Sano.

"What's Notaro doing here?" asked Kaoru.

"I'm really getting sick of telling this story," said Sano. "Huh…Notaro's owner became a monk so he gave up all his worldly possessions. He told Chief Uramura to find a home for it, so Notaro ended up back here."

Kenji went up to Notaro.

"Stay away from him," said Kaoru. "You don't know where he's been."

"He looks all right to me," said Kenji.

He petted Notaro.

"What does Megumi think of this?" asked Kenshin.

"She let me keep him," said Sano.

"I said Megumi," said Kenshin. "Not the name of one of your imaginary friends."

"I know that," said Sano. "She really did."

"Why?" asked Kenshin.

"I would have something to do and learn some responsibility," said Sano.

"You can't say Sano and responsibility in the same sentence," said Kaoru. "Unless its Sano isn't responsible."

"Hey," said Sano. "I have a dog and you only have a Kenji. What good is a Kenji?"  
"He's got us there," said Kenshin. "At least Nataro accidentally gets involved in cheesy but interesting storylines."

"Hey!" yelled Kenji.

"Quite you cheap add on character," said Kenshin.

"I better get going," said Sano. "Megumi should be done making dinner by now."

He turned to Notaro.

"Come on Notaro, let's get going," he said.

Notaro followed him back to his house.

When they got back home, Megumi had dinner on the table. This time she made niku jaga (Japanese beef stew).

"So what happened?" asked Megumi.

Sano sat down at the table.

"Well," said Sano. "Notaro scared the crap out of Kaoru, Kenji, and Kenshin and he threw up after eating Kaoru's cooking."

"That's nice," said Megumi.

Notaro walked on the table and tried to eat out of the pot that was there.

Sano grabbed him.

"Not this time buddy," said Sano. "You don't get in the middle of a man and his good old fashioned home cooked meal."

He pulled Notaro off the table and plopped him on the floor.

"It's alright," said Megumi. "I made enough for all of us."

She took a bowl that was on the table and filled it with the stew. Then she put it on the table by Notaro.

Notaro stiffed it and then dove in.

After dinner, Sano took Notaro outside to play. Notaro sat on the ground and Sano went to find a stick. He found a nice long one lying by a tree. He reached down and picked it up.

"Okay Notaro," said Sano. "We're going to play catch."

He threw the stick.

Notaro just sat there and the stick hit him in the head. Then he got up and went to a mud puddle. He rolled in it and got out.

"That was close Notaro," said Sano. "The only thing you did wrong was let the stick hit you in the head and then roll around in the mud puddle. But now it's bath time. You wait outside while I get you another collar and leash."

Sano went inside and went into the bedroom. He dug in the closet until he found that leash Megumi made for Kenshin when he was going to go to Kyoto.

He brought it back outside and put it on Notaro. He took him to the river for a bath.

When they got there Notaro wouldn't budge. He just sat there staring at the water.

"Come on Notaro," said Sano. "Go into the river."

He just looked at Sano.

"You suck dog," said Sano.

He picked up Notaro, walked to the edge of the river, and threw him in. Notaro made a huge splash. He stuck hid head out of the water and then swam over by Sano. He bit his pants and Sano tripped. He fell into the river.

"Ah!" whined Sano. "My clothes."  
He climbed out of the water and so did Notaro.

Notaro walked right in front of Sano and he tripped over him. He fell back into the river.

Notaro sat down on the ground panting and looked at Sano, who was floating on his back.

"Just remember Notaro," said Sano. "Chow chows are edible. Think about that the next time you dare to take me on."

He climbed out of the water again and took Notaro back home. Megumi was in the bedroom brushing her hair. Sano and Notaro came in.

"What a day," said Megumi. "I'm ready to relax."

"Yeah," said Sano. "You know Megumi, you could make chow chow for dinner tomorrow."

"What?" asked Megumi.

"Nothing," said Sano. "It's just that Notaro's being a pain in the ass."

"I told you that dog is a nuisance," said Megumi.

"He'll calm down," said Sano. "You also have to remember that he ate some of Kaoru's food. That could have liquefied his brain or something."

"That's true," said Megumi. "Hey Sano, I'm in the mood for an adventure, a sexy adventure."

"I like the sound of that," said Sano.

Megumi and Sano crawled onto the futon. All of a sudden Notaro walked onto the futon and went in between them. He yawned, lay down, and went to sleep.

"Oh come on," said Megumi.

She started to poke him in the butt but he was out cold.

Sano tried to push him but it didn't do anything.

"Well, there's only one thing to do at a time like this," said Sano.

Sano lay down and went to sleep.

"You suck Sano," said Megumi.

Then she lay down and went to sleep.

After a few seconds, Notaro farted.

"Uh!" said Sano.

He then coughed.

"Yuck," said Megumi.

She took the pillow and hit Sano in the head with it.

"I didn't do it," said Sano. "Notaro did."

"And that's why I hit you," said Megumi.

Megumi then lay back down on the futon.

During the middle of the night, Notaro started whining.

"Will you shut up!" said Megumi as she rolled over towards the dog.

"Yeah," said Sano. "Knock it off!"

Notaro didn't listen and kept whining.

"You already took away our love life," said Sano. "Are you trying to take our sleep life too?"

Notaro still continued to whine.

"Maybe he has to go to the bathroom?" said Megumi.

"Yeah," said Sano. "You might be right. Go take him out."

"I can't believe that you would ask your wife to do such a cumbersome task," said Megumi. "You're the husband so you should do it."

"Come on," said Sano. "I'm…"

"Do it," said Megumi, who was losing her patience fast.

"I hate you," snarled Sano.

He got out of the futon and put on his shirt. He then went and got Notaro's collar and put it around his neck. He then grabbed Notaro's leash and took him outside. After several minutes, he returned.

"Did Notaro have to go to the bathroom?" asked Megumi as Sano came back into the room with Notaro.

"Yes," said Sano. "He peed a lake out there."

He then disconnected Notaro's leash and put it in the closet.

"It may be late too go all the way," said Sano, "But it's not too late to snuggle."

He came out of the closet and found Notaro sleeping up against Megumi.

"Damn you!" said Sano.

He got on the futon and lay down next to Notaro.

At six o' clock, Megumi got up for work, while Sano got up for whatever he does during the day. Megumi took her bath like she always did, while Sano waited (He took his later because he doesn't have any place to go to). After Megumi was done, she went to make breakfast, while Sano cleaned up. It was during the making of breakfast that Notaro became the most annoying.

As Megumi was preparing ohagi at the table, Notaro just sat by her and kept crying.

"Don't worry," said Megumi. "You're going to get some. Just wait a couple more minutes."

Sano then came into the room and knelt behind Megumi. He then put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"I'm sorry about last night," said Sano, "But I didn't know that Notaro was going hinder our plans."

"That's okay," said Megumi. "We'll try it again another night, and if he creates problems again, we'll lock him in another room."

Sano stood up and sat down at the table.

Megumi put some of the freshly prepared ohagi in a bowl and stuck it on the table. Notaro stuck his head in the bowl and ate like there was no tomorrow.

After breakfast, Megumi left for clinic, while Sano was left home to take care of the dog.

"Okay," said Sano to Notaro as he was still sitting at the table. "Let's go visit Kenshin again. Maybe he has something fun we can do."

Sano got Notaro's collar and leash. He put the collar around Notaro's neck and took a hold of the leash. He then took him over to Kenshin's.

At Kenshin's house, Kenshin was sweeping out the dojo for Kaoru's lessons.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," said Kenshin as he was sweeping some dust outside the door. "Kaoru should be. She's the one who teaches the classes."

Sano came with Notaro up to the dojo.

"Hey Sano," said Kenshin.

"What are you doing?" asked Sano.

"Kaoru made me clean out the dojo for her lessons," said Kenshin, "So that's what I'm doing."

"Well, that's dumb," said Sano. "She should be doing it. She's the one who teaches the classes, not you."

"I thought the same thing," said Kenshin as he swept some dust out the door.

"When you're done do you want to do something?" asked Sano.

"Sure," said Kenshin. "I think the only thing I've been sentenced to so far is cleaning the dojo."

As Kenshin finished up cleaning the dojo, Sano sat outside on the step and talked to him. After fifteen minutes of cleaning, Kenshin was finished.

"Do you realize that I could've been done faster if you would've helped me," said Kenshin as walked out of the dojo with the broom.

"But I couldn't," said Sano. "I had to watch Notaro."

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard," said Kenshin. "You could've put him in our house or had Kenji look after him."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" said Sano.

"I'm not arguing with you," said Kenshin irritated. "Let's just get going."

As Kenshin, Sano, and Notaro were heading to the front gate, Notaro kept stopping to sniff everything. Sano had to basically drag him along with the help of Kenshin. After, several unnecessary extra minutes, they finally reached the front gate.

As they were about to go through, they heard a familiar voice.

"Kenshin!" yelled Kaoru from the front of the house.

Kenshin, Sano, and Notaro turned around.

"Should I send Notaro to attack her?" whispered Sano.

"No," whispered Kenshin. "Let's see where this goes first."

"Where are you going?" asked Kaoru.

"I'm going out to do something with Sano and Notaro," said Kenshin.

"And what is that 'something'?" asked Kaoru.

"I have no idea," said Kenshin. "Sano just came over and wanted to do something."

"Did you finish cleaning the dojo?"

"Yes," said Kenshin as he looked at Sano, "But it would have been done sooner if Sano would have helped me."

"Hey," said Sano. "I told you. I had to watch Notaro."

"Okay, you can go then," said Kaoru. "Besides, this is good timing. My 10:00 am class is going to start soon, which means that you won't be around to pester me during it."

Kenshin, Sano, and Notaro left through the gate.

They decided to go to the marketplace. When they got there they went straight to the Kikouken because they haven't annoyed the hell out of Tomoe in awhile. They walked in the front door.

"The fur ball can't be in here," said Tomoe.

"Why?" asked Sano.

"He's a dog; too messy," said Tomoe.

"But the rules only work if you enforce them," said Sano.

"And that's what I'm doing, so get lost," said Tomoe.

"Are you sure you're enforcing them, or is this some sort of trick?" asked Sano.

Tomoe got really mad. She put her hands into fists and started shaking.

"Let's go before she enforces your death," whispered Kenshin to Sano.

They ran out of the Kikouken.

After walking down the street for a while they came across the Akabeko. They walked into the restaurant. When they got inside Tae greeted them at the door.

"I'm sorry ya'll," said Tae. "The dog can't be here."

"Why?" asked Sano.

Kenshin put his hand on his forehead.

"Well, he's too messy and he might annoy the other customers," said Tae.

"But you let me in here," said Sano.

"That's true," said Tae. "So let me rephrase this: one of you is already enough. I don't think the Akabeko is ready for two Sanos yet and I don't think it ever will be."

Sano, Kenshin, and Notaro turned around and quietly left the Akabeko.

"What do we do now?" asked Sano. "I'm really getting tired of dog discrimination."

"There is one place that might work," said Kenshin.

They went to the Hadouken. They walked inside and sat down at the table. Scruffy came up to them and asked for their drink orders.

"Hey Sano, Kenshin, and weird fur thing, what can I get you?" asked Scruffy.

"You don't mind the dog?" asked Sano.

"Nope," said Scruffy. "I'm breaking so many health codes as it is so what's another one?"

"We'll have the cheapest thing you have," said Sano.

"Okay," said Scruffy. "Oh yeah, one more thing, put a coaster under that," as he was pointing to Notaro.

He went and got their sake. He came back with two glasses and a bowl.

"Here you go," said Scruffy.

He put them on the table.

Sano and Kenshin drank merrily. Notaro sniffed the bowl and then licked it up. After he finished, he burped and then picked up the bowl. He turned around and ran out the door.

"Notaro!" shouted Sano. "No!"

Kenshin looked at Sano.

"I think we better go after him," he said.

"If that dog destroys the bowl," said Scruffy. "You owe me 10 yen for it."

"But I don't have that kind of money," said Sano. "Oh wait, I have way more than that. Talk about bar supplies for cheap bastards."

Kenshin and Sano took off after Notaro. When they got outside they saw him running down the street and he was quite a bit a ways away. They rushed after him. Notaro was a like a big brown blur in hyper drive (which is odd because he's huge). He ran all the way back to the Kamiya dojo. He slowed down and walked into some brush. Kenshin and Sano made it to the dojo a minute later and went into the brush after him. In the back there was a big hole with all kinds of stuff in it. Notaro was standing by the hole with his tongue hanging out.

"Holy Mexican boloney roll," said Sano. "Take a look at this stash."

"I can't believe Notaro did this," said Kenshin.

Sano saw the bowl and picked it up. Then he noticed a bokken.

"Hey, it looks like Notaro stole one of Kaoru's bokkens," said Sano.

Then he spotted a loincloth. He picked it up.

"Why would Notaro steal Kenji's loincloth?" asked Sano.

"How do you know it's Kenji's?" asked Kenshin.

"He wrote his name on it," said Sano.

"Okay, that's weird," said Kenshin.

Then Sano noticed something else. He picked it up.

"Woh," said Sano. "This is an erotic caricature. Notaro, you pervert. I better hold onto this and inspect it."

"We don't have time," said Kenshin. "Kaoru will kick me in the gonads if we don't fix this."

"It's not your fault though," said Sano.

"Sure it is," said Kenshin. "Since I'm a guy, that makes it my fault."

For the next hour they returned everything they found in the hole. When they came back to the dojo they were exhausted. They sat on the ground huffing and puffing when Kaoru came out.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Lunch is ready…and bring your numskull sidekick if you want. I know Megumi's at work and he's incapable of making his own food. But leave the big furry marshmallow outside."

"Sorry Notaro," said Sano. "The witch hath spoken. You stay here."

He and Kenshin got off the ground and walked into the house.

For lunch Kaoru tried to make takoyaki (octopus balls). But we all know what she really made, something that disgraced octopus balls everywhere.

They sat down and ate.

"Isn't this good?" said Kaoru.

Kenshin and Sano just nodded.

A few more minutes went by.

"Sorry guys," said Kaoru. "But I have to go to the dojo and setup for my next class. You guys can finish up eating."

She left the table and went to the dojo.

"These platypus balls…" said Sano.

"Octopus balls," said Kenshin.

"Whatever," said Sano. "The point is the balls blow big time."

"And the sadder thing is," said Kenshin. "After eating her food day after day for a long time, you never get used to it."

"By the way," said Sano. "When did Notaro take all those things and put them in the hole? It couldn't have been during the day because I'm with him the whole day."

"Maybe he did it during the night when you were asleep," said Kenshin.

"That makes sense," said Sano.

Suddenly they heard a scream that sounded like it came from Kaoru.

Kenshin and Sano flew outside to the dojo. Kaoru was sitting in the doorway to the dojo.

"What happened?" asked Kenshin.

"I slipped in dog pee," said Kaoru.

"Notaro went to the bathroom all by himself," said Sano.

Kenshin helped Kaoru off the floor.

"That's not good Sano," said Kaoru.

Notaro just sat there looking at them.

"Look at it this way Missy," said Sano. "The outhouse is our bathroom so your dojo is kind of like Notaro's bathroom."

Kaoru walked over to the side rack, grabbed a bokken, and came back with it. Then she hit Sano in the head with it.

Sano rubbed his head.

"I think that means I should get lost," said Sano. "Come on Notaro."

Him and Notaro went back to Sano's house.

At 5:30 P.M. Megumi got home. She made gyoza (Chinese dumplings) filled with pork and vegetables for dinner.

After dinner, Sano thought they should take Notaro for a walk. They came back an hour later.

"Oh, I'm exhausted from that walk from hell," said Megumi.

"Hey," said Sano. "When Notaro got his head stuck in that log, I grabbed his butt and pulled him out. And when he dove into the stream I fished him out. All you did was complain about it."

"That took a lot of work," said Megumi. "But I think I still have some energy left over if you catch my drift?" said Megumi seductively.   
She and Sano walked to the bedroom. While they were walking there they heard something. They turned around to find Notaro rubbing himself against the wall.

"Looks like he's got an itch," said Sano. "Go on ahead Megumi, I'll help him out with it. I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

"All right but don't take too long," said Megumi.

She went to the bedroom.

Two hours later Sano came drudging into the master bedroom.

"Every time I walked away, Notaro bit my pants. I kept petting him until he went to sleep."

He looked down at Megumi, who was fast asleep.

"She's asleep," said Sano to himself. "Oh shoot, we'll have to try another time."

He changed into his sleeping clothes and went to bed.

The next morning, Megumi woke up. Notaro was sitting on top of her looking at her.

"Ah!" screamed Megumi.

She sat up so fast the dog catapulted off the futon.

"Geez," said Megumi. "Your hair is all over the place. I think I'll have to brush you after I get ready."

She got off the futon and went to take a bath.

A half hour later Sano woke up. He yawned and got off the futon.

"I wonder where Notaro is," said Sano to himself.

He wandered around the house until he found him in the living room. Megumi was brushing him.

"What are you doing?" asked Sano.

"I'm brushing him," said Megumi.

"You don't brush boy dogs," said Sano.

"Sure you do," said Megumi. "Besides if I don't brush him, he'll look like you."

She finished up.

"There," said Megumi. "Now you look pretty."

"Say hansom, Megumi," said Sano. "Don't confuse him."

Sano washed up while Megumi got breakfast ready. They ate and then Megumi had to leave for work.

When Megumi left for work, Notaro went to the door, sat down, and whined.

"You miss her, don't you," said Sano.

Then he thought (yes Sano can think) for a second.

"I know, we'll go visit her at work," said Sano. "She's just a doctor so she probably doesn't have much to do. But first I have to do some important stuff that I should get done."

Sano spent the morning getting fire logs, fixing the wall that Notaro broke when he walked through it, and cleaning the kitchen floor. He got done at 11:00 A.M.

"Time to visit Megumi," said Sano as he put the leash and collar on Notaro.

They walked outside and went over to the clinic. They saw Megumi treating someone on the porch so they went up to her.

"Top of the morning to you," said Sano.

Megumi froze and her eyes got wide. Then she turned around to find Sano and Notaro standing behind her.

"Sano," blurted Megumi. "Are you hurt? Are you spying on me?"

"No," said Sano. "I just brought Notaro to visit you. That's all."

"Uh," said Megumi. "All right. It's just that when you come here you are either hurt or want to spy on me."

"Come to think of it," said Sano. "That's true. Oh well, there's exceptions to the rule."

He let go of the leash and Notaro ran up to Megumi and jumped on her, knocking her on the ground.

"Whoops," said Sano.

Megumi pushed Notaro off and staggered to her feet.

"Thank you for destroying my Notaro-free workday," said Megumi. "You two can stay but please don't mess up the clinic, ruin equipment, annoy the patients…"

"We got it," said Sano.

Dr. Genzai came out of the clinic with his grandchildren.

Ayame and Suzume spotted Notaro and ran up to him.

"Woof woofs back!" shouted Suzume.

"Notaro!" shouted Ayame.

"So Notaro came back," said Dr. Genzai. Can I borrow him? I could use an assistant for an operation I need to perform."

"He's a dog," said Sano.

"I was just going to have him give me the tools, but I can get somebody else," said Dr. Genzai.

"Can we play with Notaro?" said Ayame.

"Sure," said Sano.

Sano, Notaro, Ayame, and Suzume went off to play.

Megumi finished up with her patient and sent him off.

"Sano seems happy that Notaro's back," said Dr. Genzai as he walked up to Megumi.

"That's because they're both obnoxious buffoons," said Megumi.

"I take it you don't like Notaro that much," said Dr. Genzai.

"That dog's driving me crazy," said Megumi. "He's big and flops around. I let him stay though, because I thought Sano might have something to do and learn some responsibility. All though it seems like Sano is still just goofing off and Notaro is a pest. Also, the dog is interrupting me and Sano's love life."

"Think of it this way," said Dr. Genzai. "It's just another challenge. You're a doctor so you take on weird and hard things all the time. I think you could take on Notaro. Remember you can always train him and Sano will probabably get something out of this down the road."

"I suppose," said Megumi.

Megumi and Dr. Genzai turned to find Sano, Notaro, Ayame, and Suzume by the wall. Notaro got bundled up in some bandages and he couldn't see, so he walked into it.

"Bad Notaro," said Sano. "Those bandages aren't for you. All though now they might be."

Megumi and Dr. Genzai started talking again.

"You and Sano don't have any kids either," said Dr. Genzai. "So having a pet would be kind of fun. "

"That's true," said Megumi.

"And how many people have dogs around here?" said Dr. Genzai. "You'd be different and maybe you'd look classy."

Megumi rubbed her chin.

"Well, Notaro is kind of loveable in an unintentionally-trying-to-wreck-our-lives kind of way," she said.

"You'll get used to him," said Dr. Genzai.

"Thanks," said Megumi. "Wait did you, Dr. Genzai, just give me valuable sound advice?"

"Yep," said Dr. Genzai. "And you better listen to it because it probably won't ever happen again."

He turned around and walked back into the clinic.

Two hours later Sano decided it was time for him and Notaro to go.

"See you around Ayame and Suzume," said Sano.

"Goodbye Uncle Sano and Notaro," said Ayame.

"Bye Uncle Sano and woof woof," said Suzume.

They went into the clinic.

Megumi then walked up to Sano.

"See you later Sano," said Megumi.

"Same here," said Sano.

He took Notaro home.

Megumi got home at the same time as the night before. She made dinner and then read a little bit in the bedroom. While she was reading Sano played hide and seek with Notaro. After a while Sano wandered into the bedroom to talk to Megumi.

"Hey Megumi," said Sano. "Sorry about the bandage thing at work today. I think Notaro had a case of temporary insanity."

"That's okay," said Megumi. "After talking to, because we can now ice-skate home since hell froze over, Dr. Genzai, I don't mind Notaro that much anymore."

"That's great," said Sano puzzled.

"I'll get used to the little stinker," said Megumi. "He's here to stay."

"What a relief," said Sano. "But where is he?"

Megumi shrugged her shoulders.

She got off the futon and her and Sano went around looking for him. They found him in the living room sitting in front of the grandfather clock. He had his tongue out panting and his eyes were moving in sync with the pendulum of the clock.

"Woof, woof!" barked Notaro.

"Why does he sound like a person trying to make a dog sound when he barks?" asked Sano.

"I don't know," said Megumi. "But for one thing he's easily amused just like you."

The she got an idea.

"Let's have some Notaro-free fun," she said.

"I couldn't have put it better myself," said Sano.

Sano picked her up bridal style and carried her to the master bedroom.

The End


	27. Episode 27

Season 3

THE LEMON BOAT

Sano was sitting at home on the ground reading the newspaper. Notaro was lying next to him gnawing on a stick.

"Hey Notaro!" said Sano, still looking at the paper. "Listen to this. It says here that Lord Yamagata was involved in an accident yesterday. Apparently, he slipped on some sake at Scruffy's bar and twisted his ankle. It also says that Scruffy's bar will still remain open despite this incident. However, Scruffy's punishment is that he has to pay Yamagata's medical bills for his injury. Let's see. Judging by how much money Scruffy makes, it should take him about four lifetimes to pay off all the costs. Man, it sucks to be him."

Sano then looked down at Notaro.

"Where did you get that stick?" said Sano. "When I took you outside today and brought you back in, you weren't carrying a stick. Oh, well."

He then continued to read the paper.

When it got to be around six o' clock, Sano and Notaro sat a couple feet away from the front door and started at it. They were awaiting Megumi's arrival. (The reason why Megumi's arrival was so important to them was because when she'd come, they'd both get fed.)

After an hour passed, Sano began to get impatient.

"Oh man," said Sano. "She'd better come soon. We can't hold out much longer. Ah, screw it. I'll make dinner."

Sano stood up and went to the kitchen. Since he had virtually no cooking skills he just threw some rice in a big bowl. He then chopped up some vegetables and mixed them in with the rice.

Sano then took some and placed it in a bowl for himself. Then he put some in a bowl for Notaro. Since Notaro was capable of eating the food on the table, he decided to let him do it. He took the bowl and put it on the edge next to him.

"Come on Notaro," said Sano. "Dinner's ready."

Notaro came walking into the room and sat down by Sano.

"Now," said Sano, "I'm warning you. This isn't going to be as good as Megumi's. Actually, it 's going to probably be just downright disgusting. However, just remember, no matter how bad it is, it won't kill you, I think."

Notaro looked at the bowl. He then stuck his head in and started eating.

"I'm so stupid," said Sano. "When it comes to food, you have no preferences or taste. You'll eat anything and everything."

When it got to be ten o' clock, Sano was lying on his bed trying to sleep. All of a sudden, a very tired and worn out Megumi opened the front door and came through it. She then went to the kitchen and found the bowl of rice mixed with vegetables.

"Oh, thank Buddha," she said to herself. "I'm starving."

She went up to it and picked up the chopsticks that Sano had left for her.

"Wow!" she said to herself. "I can't believe that Sano was actually smart enough to make himself dinner."

She didn't even bother with the little bowl that Sano had left for her. She just ate it out of the huge serving bowl.

After she was done, she started to drag herself to the bedroom. Since she was so tired, she didn't want to change into her night kimono. Because of this, she was left with only two options. One, she could just sleep in the clothes she was wearing, or two, she could just sleep naked. She immediately cancelled out the later choice because if she did that, Sano would get the wrong message.

She finally got to the bedroom. Inside, she could see Sano already lying on the futon. However, she couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

She quietly made her way to the futon and got on it.

"So," said Sano out of nowhere, as he continued to lie there, "What happened?"

Megumi just sighed.

"A group of hunters went out looking for game in the forest," she said. "While on this simple journey, they managed to somehow get attacked by a wild boar, get pecked by birds, get stung of bees, wander into a poison ivy patch, and get burned from their own fire pit."

"Did any of them die?" asked Sano.

"No," said Megumi. "It was miraculous. They all managed to survive. Of course, they're not going to be happy for the next few weeks, but at least they're not dead."

"Did you eat dinner?" asked Sano as if he were the quizmaster.

"Yeah," said Megumi. "I ate the rice and vegetable mixture that you left on the table for me. I'm so happy that the day after tomorrow is one of my off days. I don't think that I could handle anymore work days after tomorrow."

She then laid down on the futon.

Sano then began to think to himself (Yes, Sano was capable of thinking).

"Megumi does so much," he thought. "Not just at the clinic, but around here as well. She deserves some sort of break. But what kind of break would be the best for her?"

He then started to come up with some ideas.

"I have it," he said after five minutes of thinking. "It's cheap, romantic, and probably never existed in this time period. It's perfect."

The next morning Sano went and put his idea into action. Sano had so much to do that the day flew by like a quick breeze. Sano got home around 5 o'clock in the evening and Megumi got home at 5:30. When she got herself settled, she began to make dinner. This time she made unagi. Everybody loved it, especially Notaro. He dived into Sano's bowl to eat his. After Sano pulled him out of his bowl and plopped him back on the floor, he reached into his pocket. He pulled out two tickets and showed them to Megumi.

"Look what I got," he said.

Megumi grabbed the tickets.

"What are these?" she asked.

"These are two tickets for a cruise," said Sano. "The boat leaves tomorrow at 7:00 in the morning. It lasts for three days."

"That's so nice of you, but what about my work?" asked Megumi.

"When I went to get the tickets today, I stopped by the clinic and talked to Dr. Genzai," said Sano. "He was so crazy he said it was okay for you to take the next four days off."

"One last thing Sano," said Megumi, who still couldn't believe what was going on. "Why?"

"You need a break," said Sano. "Without you the whole world would spiral down into a continuous chaos that would result in a cataclysmic universal apocalypse."

"Well, I don't think…" Megumi began to say.

Then she thought for a minute.

"Yeah, that probably would happen," she said. "Now moving on. We need to pack. We don't have much time."

For the next three hours, Sano and Megumi packed. Sano knew it was suicide to get in Megumi's way while she was packing, so he packed all his stuff in the living room. He also chucked Notaro in the living room.

Megumi packed three bags filled with woman stuff. There were clothes, brushes, makeup, more clothes, breast tape, and even more clothes. When Megumi got done packing, she yelled out of the bedroom to Sano.

"Sano," shouted Megumi. "How's it going?"

"I think I'm done," shouted Sano back.

He picked up his bag.

"Oh man is this heavy," said Sano.

All of a sudden, he heard panting coming from the bag.

He opened the bag and Notaro fell out.

"Now I know I'm done," said Sano.

They went to bed at nine to get plenty of sleep for their trip. They got up at 5:00 the next morning. By six they were ready and went to drop off Notaro at Kenshin's house.

When they got there, they rapped on the door until someone answered. Kenshin opened the door and Kaoru and Kenji were standing behind him.

"We're leaving for a cruise right now," said Sano. "And we'll be gone for the next three days. This means you'll have to watch Notaro."

"Whatever," said Kenshin.

Sano handed him Notaro's leash.

"Huh?" asked Kaoru.

"Cool, I get a pet," said Kenji.

"When Notaro gets hungry, you feed it," said Sano. "He'll eat anything except Kaoru's cooking, as we already know. And he goes to the bathroom too. If he poops pick it up. You know the drill. Bye."

Sano and Megumi turned around and walked off the porch.

"How rude," said Kaoru. "What a jerk."

"Too tired, don't care," said Kenshin. "Sleep now."

Kenji took the leash from Kenshin.

"Come on boy," said Kenji. "You can stay in my room."

They all went back inside and back to bed.

After a half-hour of walking they made it to the port where the ship was.

"Here we are," said Sano. "The Seaduction."

"I'm so excited," exclaimed Megumi.

"Yeah, me too," said Sano. "Now, let's get on the ship before it leaves without us."

"Wow!" said Megumi sarcastically. "Great idea. Where do you come up with these?"

"Oh, its nothing," said Sano. "I just…"

He then realized what she really meant.

"You know Megumi," he said. "We haven't even gotten on the ship and you're already ripping me apart. This vacation was my idea and I put it all together yesterday. And I did it because I love you."

"You're right," said Megumi. "I'm being a jerk to you when you planned this wonderful vacation for us. I'm sorry. Now, let's just get on the ship."

Sano and Megumi walked up the plank up to the ship. At the top was Captain Jack Daniel. He was checking all the passenger's tickets.

"Greetings!" said Captain Jack as Sano and Megumi walked up to him. "May I see your tickets?"

Sano pulled them out and showed them to him.

"Excellent," said Captain Jack. "I'm glad to see that you're not trying to sneak on my ship. Otherwise I'd have to have you arrested and possibly executed. Now if you proceed up there, that man will give you the key to your room. Thank you and enjoy your cruise."

Megumi and Sano proceeded to the man with the keys.

"Wow," said Sano. "That was, um, interesting."

"Yeah, tell me about it," said Megumi.

They finally reached the guy with the keys.

"Let's see," said the man. "Your room is number sixty-nine."

He then gave the key to Megumi.

"Enjoy your vacation," he said.

Sano and Megumi headed to their room.

"Room sixty-nine, huh?" said Sano as they were walking. "I think I'm going to like this room."

Megumi just put her hand over her forehead.

"Oh, yeah," said Sano, "One more thing. Why did you bring all those clothes? We're going to be naked most of the time."

"Sano," said Megumi, "We're just not going to that all the time. There are other things on this ship that we can do."

After wandering through some hallways, they finally found the room.

Megumi took the key and opened up the door.

"Cool," said Sano as she opened the door. "We have carpeting."

"Wow," said Megumi. "I didn't expect that."

The carpeting then started to move.

"Uh, I don't think that's carpeting," said Megumi.

All of a sudden, a swarm of rats started to fly out the door.

"Ahh!" shirked Megumi. "Rats!"

She then jumped into Sano's arms.

After all the rats ran out the door and ran down the hallway, Sano put her down.

"This is a cesspool," said Megumi. "There are rats everywhere."

"Hey," said Sano. "I didn't know it was going to be like this."

"I know," said Megumi. "I'm not blaming you. I'm just mad at the situation. Come on, let's put our stuff in the room.

They both went into the room. Inside, they found a table that was tilted, a cheap lantern, and bunk beds.

"Bunk beads?" said Sano. "This blows! It defeats the whole purpose of this cruise!"

"Sano," said Megumi. "I told you before. That's not the only thing we're going to do on this ship. We're going to do other stuff as well. Besides, we'll find a way to make love."

"Well I hope so," said Sano. "I don't want this to end up being another platonic vacation."

"Sano this is the first vacation we ever went on," said Megumi.

"No it isn't. What about that time when we both got stuck in the bathtub?"

"That wasn't a vacation. That was an erotic exploit that went wrong."

"Maybe for you, but certainly not for me," said Sano with a smirk.

"I married the horniest man in the world," said Megumi as she put her hand on her forehead.

Captain Jack Daniel was up at the helm preparing for the departure of the ship.

"Are all the passengers on board?" asked Jack to his first mate.

"How the hell should I know?" said the first mate.

"That's good enough for me," said Jack. "Let's roll."

"Where should I put my bags?" asked Sano as he looked around the room.

"A typical male trait," said Megumi. "If the wife isn't there to tell a man what to do, he can't figure it out himself."

"Hey," said Sano, "Go on your feminist tangent another time, preferably when I'm not around. Now, I asked you nicely where I should put my stuff. Could you just please tell me?"

"Oh, all right," said Megumi as she pointed towards a corner. "Just put them in that corner over there."

Sano then threw his stuff into the corner where she pointed.

All of a sudden, the ship started to move.

"Hey," said Megumi. "The ships moving. We're finally heading out to sea."

"Yes," said Sano. "Now, I just hope that you don't get seasick and barf everywhere because that would ruin everything."

"Sano," said Megumi, "You are an idiot. Now let's go explore the rest of the ship."

They walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind them. To the left of them was a man by the door to room seventy. He was scratching his key against his butt. He noticed them standing there and waved.

"Howdy, neighbors," said the man.

Sano was astonished.

"Rodney Daingerfield, what the hell are you doing here?" he said.

"Well, my wife and I decided that we needed a vacation," said Rodney.

"Where is she?" asked Megumi.

"At home," said Rodney. "But seriously we get along."

He put the key in the hole and tried to turn it. After about a minute of twisting and turning it, the door finally got unlocked.

"That does it for my exercise today," said Rodney. "Even the door doesn't give me no respect."

He opened the door and walked inside.

"I have this weird feeling that him and us are going to get into some weird misadventures," said Sano.

Megumi just looked at him.

"You know what I mean," said Sano.

Megumi continued to look at him.

"You know," said Sano. "Wacky nonsexual misadventures."

"All right then," said Megumi relieved.

They got to the top of the deck and went to the railing. They could still see the land in the distance but it was disappearing from view. The ocean was a dark hue of blue and calm. There was a slight breeze in the air and the smell of fresh air swirled around the ship.

"This is going to be so romantic," said Megumi.

"I wonder how many mob hits have been chucked into the ocean," muttered Sano.

They walked around the boat and found Jack Daniel at the helm.

"The ocean is my canvas where I will paint a picture of my journey with the sweat, blood, and tears of hard work," said Captain Jack proudly.

Sano and Megumi continued to walk around the deck. People were taking in the view of the ocean, reading books, and taking naps.

Just then Captain Jack Daniel made his way into the center of the deck.

"Attention passengers," said Captain Jack.

Everybody quieted down.

"We have some live entertainment for you today," he said. "For your listening pressure, I am proud…not really…to present one of my sailors on accordion."

The sailor, lugging the accordion, steeped up to Captain Jack.

"I have a name you know," whispered the sailor.

"That's not important," whispered Captain Jack.

"Also this is embarrassing," whispered the sailor.

"If you don't I'll make you walk the plank," whispered Captain Jack.

"Oh for the love of Buddha," whispered the sailor.

He started playing the accordion.

"And do a little jig while your at it," said Captain Jack.

Everybody started dancing.

"Come on Sano," said Megumi. "Let's join the fun."

She grabbed him and started dancing.

"Megumi," said Sano. "You know I'm not that good at dancing."

"No one will notice," said Megumi.

Some people in the back took notice of his dancing inability and started pointing and laughing at him.

After an hour of dancing they decided to head back to the cabin.

"So what do you want to do now?" asked Sano.

"I'll think I'll take it easy Sano," said Megumi. "I'm a little worn out from dancing."

"Oh, all right," said Sano. "I guess I'll see you later. But It just won't be as much fun."

"I know," said Megumi.

Sano left the room.

Rodney was walking down the hallway to his room.

"Hey neighbor," said Rodney. "I just got back from the accordion performance. He started taking requests and I should have requested him to stop."

Sano chuckled.

"I don't think I introduced myself," said Sano. "I'm Sano and that woman you saw me with was my wife Megumi."

"Hey Sano," said Rodney. "You want to play some dice and cards?"

"Sure," said Sano. "Megumi's resting and she told me to go find something to do."

"All right then," said Rodney. "Let's play in my room. This way we can concentrate."

Sano and Rodney went into his room.

Rodney got some cards and dice out of a drawer.

They sat down on the floor.

"Ready my lad?" said Rodney.

"Bring it on," said Sano.

Rodney got out the cards first.

"So Sano," said Rodney. "What brings you here?"

"Vacation," said Sano. "We just wanted to spend some time together."

"That's good in theory," said Rodney. "But it never turns out like that. Something always goes wrong."

"I've noticed that," said Sano. "So Rodney, is your wife okay with you being here? I mean with all the single women and stuff."

"Oh yeah," said Rodney. "There's nobody that desperate for me, even on a cruise like this."

After two hours of playing they thought it was time to throw in the towel.

"I can't believe you cleaned me out of 3,400 yen," said Sano.

"Hey kid," said Rodney. "I'm older than you and more senile."

"Don't you mean wiser?" asked Sano.

"No," said Rodney. "As time goes on, I become more of a jackass."

"See you later," said Sano.

"You can't guarantee that," said Rodney. "I might be dead."

Sano left and went back to his room.

When Sano got back to his room Megumi was asleep on the lower bunk. He went up to her and shook her until she woke up. Then she punched him in the gut.

"That's no way to wake somebody up," said Megumi as she sat up.

"That's because you took it out of context," said Sano as he held his stomach.

"Man am I hungry," said Megumi. "Let's get something to eat."

"That sounds good," said Sano. "I'm going to stuff myself until I puke. And then you can take care of me because you're a doctor."

"Too bad," said Megumi jokingly. "I'm on vacation."

"Damn," said Sano. "Maybe Dr. Genzai can take care of me."  
Megumi just rolled her eyes.

"Let's just get going," she said.

She and Sano left their room and went into the hallway.

"Okay," said Sano. "Where is the food place?"

"Don't you mean the cafeteria?" said Megumi.

"Who cares," said Sano. "They both involve food. Now let's see. Which direction is it?"

Sano just stood there and thought for a moment.

"I have it," he said. "In order to get to the food place, or cafeteria, we should go left."

"Sano," said Megumi, "You just pulled that out of your rear. You have no idea where it is."

"I know," said Sano, "But we have to start somewhere."

"Yeah," said Megumi. "I guess we have no choice."

Sano and Megumi then headed left in hope of finding food. They wandered around for twenty minutes until they found a member of the cleaning crew.

"Excuse me," said Megumi as they came up to him. "Where is the cafeteria?"

"It's three floors up," said the man. "I would like to apologize for this confusion. Nobody sticks signs up for anything on this ship so none of the passengers nowhere anything is."

"That really sucks," said Megumi.

"I know," said the man. "All the employees on the ship have complained about it, but the people who run this thing ignore us. Those damn panty wastes."

"Thanks for telling us the location of cafeteria. I also hope that your, um, employment problems clear up."

Sano and Megumi left and found a staircase and went up three flights to the cafeteria.

"Excellent," said Sano as they walked into it. "I hope the food doesn't taste like crap."

"Don't worry," said Megumi. "The food will be fine. I hope."

After a few moments, they were both shown to a table located in the far corner. Sano and Megumi sat across from each other. They were given menus and had their drink orders taken. They then began looking through the menus.

"What are you going to have?" said Sano.

"I have no idea," said Megumi.

"I'm going to have the osechi," said Rodney.

"Wow," said Sano to Megumi. "We better hury up. Rodeny's already to order."

"Yeah," said Megumi. "Our sever will be back any minute."

They then just both just got blank stares and put their menus on the table and looked at Rodney who was sitting at the table with them.

"What?" said Rodney. "Do I have a bouger hanging out of my nose?"

"What are you doing here?" said Megumi.

"I got hungry so I came to get some dinner," said Rodney. "When I got here and I saw you guys, I thought it would be cool to have dinner together."

Megumi's face started to turn red.

"Cool down," said Sano. "It's no big deal. We can have dinner with him. Besides, he's all alone on this ship."

"Fine," said Megumi.

She then turned to Rodney.

"You can stay," she said, "But remember you just ruined me and my husband's romanitc dinner."

"Thanks for letting me stay," said Rodney. "I really appreicate it. Also, about the romantic dinner thing, you can still do that. I don't care. You can even make out if you want."

"No," said Megumi, "We're not going to have a romantic dinner, and we're certainly not going to make out. You don't have to worry about that stuff."

The server came back with Sano and Megumi's saki.

"I see you have a guest with you," said the server as he saw Rodney.

"You better believe it," said Rodney.

He then noticed the server's uniform.

"Nice uniform," said Rodney. "The last time I saw a unifrom that nice was on some policemen when I was held at the Kyoto prison for indicent exposure. That was the last time I bought chinese made clothes."

"So," said the sever, "Are you ready to order?"

"I know I am," said Rodney, "But I don't know about rooster head and fox lady."

"It's okay," said Sano. "We're ready to order."

Rodeny odered osechi along with some saki, since he came late, Sano ordered oyakodon, and Megumi ordered sukiyaki.

After the server left, Rodeny came to a realization.

"Hey," said Rodney. "I just thought of something. It's interesting that you two actually get along considering you're a rooster and you're a fox. I mean that foxes generally eat roosters."

"Now that's not true," said Sano. "Megumi may have not eaten me, but she has eaten my soul."

"Oh, that's nothing," said Rodney. "My wife is so evil that I have to wear a cross to keep her from giving me house chores."

"Oh yeah," said Sano. "There was this one time where Megumi…"

"Sano," said Megumi. "If you dare say what I think you're going to say, you will be killed right here, right now."

"Gees," said Rodney. "What crawled up your butt and died? Oh, wait I bet I know what it is. I bet you're all cranky because your love life hasn't been so good lately."

"That's not ture," said Megumi. "Sano and I have wonderful sexual relations."

She then looked up to find their server standing by their table holding all their food.

"Now, this is why I became a waiter on a crusie ship," said the server. "This is the stuff I live for."

"Just give us our food and leave," said Megumi.

He then put all the food on the table and left.

"Oh boy," said Rodney. "This looks delicious. I hope it's better than my wife's cooking. Her cooking is so bad that it actually kills life instead of sustaining it."

Rodney, Sano, and Megumi ate their dinner with quite some conversation, which mostly consisted of Rodney making more dumb jokes about his life.

After dinner, Sano and Megumi and Rodney went their separate ways. Sano and Megumi went to explore the rest of the ship, while Rodney went to look for people to hustle in dice.

A little after ten, Megumi and Sano got back to their room.

"It was pretty nice walking around on the deck outside in the night," said Megumi, "Until we ran into those two drunken morons who got into a fistfight."

"Yeah," said Sano, "But what are you going to do. That's life."

"We should probably get to bed," said Megumi. "It's pretty late."

Megumi took off her kimono and put on her night one. She then put the one that she just wore neatly in her bag.

"I get the top bunk," she said.

She then started to climb up the latter.

"Hey," said Sano. "I get the top bunk. When you took a nap earlier today you used the bottom one. So why don't you use that one again? Also, why do feel that you deserve the top bunk anyway?"

"Well," said Megumi, "When I took a nap today, I was too tired to get to the top bunk. Now, I have enough energy to get to the top one. Now, I will answer your second question. I get the top bunk because I am the woman."

"That's a dumb reason," said Sano.

"Hey, what can I say," said Megumi.

She climbed up the rest of the latter and got on the bed.

"Fine," said Sano. "You can have it."

He took off his shirt and threw it in the corner.

"I'll keep my pants on," he said. "With the current state of things, there's no reason to take them off."

He then got into the bottom bed.

Around eleven o' clock, both Sano and Megumi were asleep. Then all of a sudden, the top bunk bed broke and then it, along with the blanket, pillow and Megumi, fell on Sano.

Sano started yelling and tried to get the mattress off of him. He finally flipped it off. Megumi then flew on the ground and the mattress fell on top of her.

Sano quickly jumped off the bed and flipped the mattress off Megumi.

"Are you okay?" said Sano as he helped Megumi off the ground.

"Yeah," said Megumi. "I'm fine. I can't believe that my bed broke. This ship is a piece of crap."

"Hey," said Sano. "I have an idea. I'll take my mattress off the frame and put it on the ground next to yours. We can then use both our blankets and pillows. It'll be like sleeping at home."

"Yeah," said Megumi. "I like that idea a lot. Let's do it."

Sano took the blanket and the pillow off his bed and gave it to Megumi. He then removed his mattress and stuck it on the ground next to the other one. Then they both laid the pillows and blankets on the two mattresses accordingly.

Sano and Megumi got onto the mattresses and went back to sleep.

The next morning Sano and Megumi woke to the sound of someone's cabin door falling over. They got ready and went to breakfast. Afterwards they played shuffleboard with some of the other passengers until Sano tried to declare himself the winner because he was the "coolest" person playing. Then they relaxed at the bar with a nice cold glass of Black Death. Then they attended a lecture on the differences between Pembroke and Cardigan Welsh Corgis. The lecture lasted an hour but felt like an eternity.

As they were leaving the room Megumi asked, "What is an 'Ein'?"

"And what is a 'Cowboy Bebop'?" asked Sano.

When they got back to the cabin, they took a nap before dinner. At 6:00 P.M. they went to dinner (and this time they ate alone). After dinner they went to the top deck to watch the sunset. At 8:00 P.M. Captain Jack was going to have story time. He was going to talk about his adventures on the sea. He called it "Captain Jack's Craptastic and Craptacular Voyages." Sano and Megumi went to it because they accidentally wandered into it and if they left, it would be rude. They got back to the cabin at 10:00 P.M. and changed into their nightclothes and went to sleep.

A half-hour later they were woken up by noise outside their door. Sano got up and went to the door. He opened it up to find a party outside in the hallway. There was music blasting and people talking, screaming, drinking, and dancing.

Sano stood there just staring out the door when Megumi walked up behind him.

"What in the hell?" she blurted out.

Just then Rodney walked by the door.

"Sano, Megumi," said Rodney. "You came. Now it's a party."

"Was this your idea?" asked Sano.

"Yep," said Rodney. "Any livelier and this cruise ship would have broken out into a funeral. I just couldn't let that happen. Now I order you two to have fun."

He walked way with his fists in the air yelling, "Woo hoo!"

Just then Sano got a party hat and a cup of sake.

"Where did those come from?" asked Megumi. "And where is that music coming from?"

"It's a party Megumi," said Sano. "It doesn't have to make sense."

He went into the hallway to join the fun and Megumi went after him.

Captain Jack heard all the commotion and gathered a group of crewmembers to investigate.

They made their way down the ship to find out where the noise was coming from. When they finally made it to the right floor, the party was in full swing.

"What in the bloody hell?" gasped Captain Jack. "It's a mutiny."

"What should we do?" asked one of his crewmembers.

"Try to disperse the crowd and find the ring leader," said Captain Jack.

They made their way through the crowd.

"Hey Captain Jack," said a drunk guy. "What are you doing on the Millennium Falcon?"

"Get out of my way hippie," said Captain Jack.

He pushed him out of the way.

In the back Rodney was having a wet t-shirt contest.

"This doesn't seem right," said Rodney.

Then he put his hand over his forehead.

"That right, it's women not men," said Rodney.

Then he turned around to find captain Jack and his cronies walking through the crowd.

"Uh oh," said Rodney. "It's the man."

"Whose idea was this?" shouted Captain Jack.

Everybody pointed to Rodney.

"I tell ya, I don't get no respect," said Rodney.

Captain Jack came up to him.

"I'm shutting this shindig down," said Captain Jack.

"Calm down Captain bring-down," said Rodney. "We're just having some fun."

"This isn't an official cruise ship onboard activity," said Captain Jack. "And also you're annoying other people. Not to mention somebody could get hurt."

He turned to his men.

"Listen up men, I want you to clear out this crowd," said Captain Jack.

He turned back to Rodney.

"And as for you, you're going to clean up this whole mess by yourself," said Captain Jack. "And while you're doing it, you'll have to sing the Mortal Kombat theme song."

Rodney lowered his head and muttered, "Ooh."

Some people started to riot but the crewmembers got everything under control.

"Thank Buddha that's over," said Megumi as they walked back to there cabin.

"At least it was fun while it lasted," sighed Sano.

They lay down on their mattresses and went back to sleep.

Megumi awoke the next morning to Sano snoring.

"I wish I could somehow surgically fix that," said Megumi as she sat up in bed.

She then shook Sano to wake him up.

"Uh," said Sano as he opened his eyes. "What's going on? Is Captain Jack going on one of his antiparty rampages again?" Because if he is…"

"No," said Megumi. "It's time to get up. This is our last day on this ship so we should make the most of it."

"Wow!" said Sano. "You're absolutely right. There's no time to waste!"

He then jumped of the mattress, put his shirt back on, and tied that red thing around his head.

Megumi got out of the bed and grabbed some new clothes from her bag. Then she began to take off her nightclothes.

"You're going to take your clothes off when I'm in the room?" asked Sano.

"Sano," said Megumi as she threw her obi on the ground. "Grow up. Besides we've done worse stuff then this."

"Wow!" said Sano. "You're right again. That's already two today, and it's still the morning. You're on a roll."

After Megumi was done changing her clothes, she took out her mirror and began to apply her makeup.

Finally, after a half-hour of getting ready, Megumi and Sano were ready to enjoy the rest of their cruise.

They decided to head for the top deck to see if anything interesting was going on. When they reached it, they discovered a shogi tournament that was about to take place.

"All right," said Sano. "A shogi tournament. I'm a pro at that game. I'll enter and win the prize, whatever that is."

"No way," said Megumi. "Remember what happened when you played shuffleboard a couple days ago? You ended up acting like a complete jackass. Instead, I'll enter and take a shot a winning the prize."

"You know how to play shogi?" asked Sano.

"Of course I do," said Megumi. "I've been playing since I was a little girl."

"Then how come we never played it at home?"

"Because nobody ever brought up the idea. Now, I have to go sign up for this before I lose my chance."

Megumi and Sano found the registration booth and went up to it.

"Excuse me," said Megumi to the man behind the booth. "When does this tournament begin?"

"It begins in twenty minutes madam," said the man.

"What is the prize?" asked Megumi.

"What makes you think there is a prize?" said the man.

"Oh, come on. Let's get real. People don't enter tournaments for the fun or the sport. They only enter if there's something they could win. Therefore you must have a prize, because if you didn't, you'd have no contestants."

"You're one smart girl. The prize is 112,660 yen."

"Excellent!" boasted Megumi. "I'm in."

She wrote out her name on the sign up sheet and waited with Sano for the tournament to begin.

"What do I do when you're participating in this?" asked Sano as he and Megumi were sitting by the railing.

"You can go wander around the ship," said Megumi. "There's probably something stupid going on that you'd like."

"Great idea," said Sano. "I'll see you later."

He then kissed her on the cheek and left.

Megumi then waited around by herself for the tournament to begin. After five minutes, it was time.

"Ladies and gentleman," yelled the man at the booth. "The tournament is about to begin, so get your sorry asses over to those shogi boards and wait for further instructions."

"Bring it on," said Megumi to herself with a smirk on her face.

"That would be awesome if she won," said Sano to himself as he was walking through a hallway. "Not only would she be a doctor and be hot, but she'd also have 112,660 yen."

He continued walking down the hallway until he came across a door that had a sign next to it saying "bar."

"It's only ten o' clock in the morning," said Sano to himself, "But I wonder if it's open?"

He opened the door and walked in.

"Sweet!" said Sano to himself.

He then went up to the bar and pulled up a seat.

"What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Do you have that western drink, you know, beer?" asked Sano.

"Sure do," said the Bartender.

"Sweet!" said Sano.

The bartender then pulled out a mug and bottle of Red Dog. He then opened the bottle and poured it into the mug. (Of course he poured down the side of the mug, so there wouldn't be so much head). He then put it in front of Sano.

"I've never seen a bar open this early," said Sano. "What's going on?"

"See," said the bartender, "This is a twenty-four hour bar. It never closes."

"Wow!" said Sano. "A bar that never closes. I thought that such a thing wasn't possible."

After two hours of sitting at the bar talking about nothing, Sano started to wonder how Megumi was doing.

"My wife entered that shogi tournament on the top deck," said Sano.

"Do you think she'll win?" asked the bartender.

"I have no idea," said Sano. "I didn't even know she played shogi until right before she entered the tournament."

"That's women for you," said the bartender. "They don't tell you anything, but then they expect you to know it. It's like they expect you to be able to read their minds."

"Yeah, tell me about it," said Sano.

He then took a pull off his mug.

Megumi then came into the room and sat down beside him.

"How'd you know where I was?" said Sano to her.

"This is a bar," said Megumi. "I'm not an idiot."

"So what happened?" asked Sano.

"I won," said Megumi.

"Yes!" screamed Sano. "We now are 112,660 yen richer!"

"Wow!" said the bartender. "This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to this bar. I can't believe that the cruise ship shogi tournament winner is actually in here. This calls for a celebration. You can have anything you want on the house."

"Oh, that's nice of you," said Megumi. "I'll take a shot of whisky."

"Coming right up," said the bartender as he pointed at her.

After three rounds of whisky, Megumi decided that she had had enough.

"Let's go Sano," she said. "I'm hungry, and besides, I don't want to pass out."

She then gave her attention to the bartender.

"Thanks for the free whisky again," she said.

"No problem," said the bartender. "This place never makes a profit, so giving you a drink on the house isn't going to do anything."

Sano put some money on the table for his beer, and then they both left.

When they arrived, they got a table along the left wall.

Sano and Megumi ordered some sushi platters and some water (they didn't want to get liquored up anymore then they were).

"So what are we going to do with the money?" asked Sano as they were waiting for their food. "Are we going to use it to buy Switzerland so that we will be able to control a huge chunk of the world's chocolate market?"

"No you idiot!" said Megumi. "We're going to save it for an emergency, and besides, it wouldn't be enough to buy that country anyway."

After a half-hour had passed, the server eventually brought their food.

Megumi and Sano ate their food and talked about various topics such as Notoro, Tommy and Victor, Spam, and how Star Trek always stated that they could never break the laws of physics, but then do it anyway.

After lunch Sano and Megumi ran into Rodney on the top deck. When he saw them coming, he got a really stupid smirk on his face.

Megumi took notice and said, "Looks like Rodney got himself into stupid mode again."

"Hey Sano and Megumi," said Rodney as they walked up to him. "How would you like to play a game?"

"That depends," said Sano. "What kind of game?"

"A game where you pee over the railing into the ocean," said Rodney. "I call it…peeing over the railing into the ocean. And if you do, I'll give you 11,266 yen."

"But what if someone sees me?" asked Sano.

"Just do it when nobody's looking."

"Thank Buddha I drank all that beer. Let's rock and roll."

"Oh no you're not," said Megumi sturnley. "You do that and I'll make sure you'll never pee again. Besides, I won all that money remember?"

"Megumi win's again," said Sano annoyed.

"That's the thing with women," said Rodney. "They always boss you around. They might as well wear hammer and sickle patterns on their clothes."

Megumi couldn't stand Rodney's stupidity anymore so she left and forced Sano to go with her.

As they were both walking on the deck, Megumi thought it would be safer if she stuck the money in her luggage back in her room. She felt it wasn't a good idea to be carrying around such a large sum of money. So they both went back to the room and hid it in her bag so it would be safe. After that was taken care of, Megumi and Sano just lounged around the ship for the rest of the day.

When supper rolled around, they headed back to the cafeteria for some well-deserved nourishment.

While looking through the menus, they both noticed that the ship had beef-hot pot. They couldn't believe it. (They also couldn't believe how they missed this item on the menu for the past two days as well.) Well, they ordered it so they would be able to compare and contrast it against the Akabeko's.

After forty-five minutes, the food finally had arrived.

"So," asked Sano while he was eating, "What's your opinion on this?"

"It's adequate," said Megumi, "But the Akabeko's is better."

"I agree," said Sano. "It's not bad, but the Akabeko's is out of this world."

After they were done eating, they went back up to the top deck to spend some quality time together.

"This cruise was absolutely wonderful," said Megumi as she and Sano were walking on the top deck when the dusk was first setting in, "Despite the fact that the ship was a piece of junk and that Rodney fellow kept bothering us."

"I'm glad you think so," said Sano. "This trip wasn't cheap."

Sano then began thinking.

"You know what," said Sano as they continued walking. "We did accomplish a lot on this cruise, but we could accomplish one more thing."

"And what's that?" said Megumi.

"Marital relations," said Sano.

"Gees," said Megumi, "You make it sound so dirty. Well, anyway, I vote for it. It would be the best ending to this vacation."

"All righty then," said Sano. "Let's head back to the room to begin the festivities."

He and Megumi headed back to the room as fast as they could.

When they got inside, they both took off their clothes and threw them all over the place. They then climbed on the mattress and got busy.

"Hello!" shouted a voice from out of nowhere.

"Who is that?" said Megumi.

"That sounds like Rodney," said Sano.

He then looked around the room and noticed a half-dollar sized hole in the wall.

"Hold on," said Sano. "I'm going to go investigate this."

He then got out of bed and put his pants back on.

He left the room and went to Rodney's door.

"Open up!" yelled Sano as he banged on the door.

Rodney than opened it up.

"Why'd you stop the show?" said Rodney. "It was just getting interesting."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" said Sano. "Why were you spying on us?"

"I was bored," said Rodney. "I needed some entertainment."

Megumi then appeared behind Sano in her clothes.

She then pushed him aside and grabbed Rodney by his shirt and pushed him onto the ground.

"You pervert!" she shouted.

"Hey," said Rodney as he sat up off the ground, "Would it make you feel any better if I told you that you were good."

"I'm not a porn star!" she shouted.

"Listen," said Sano. "I want you to plug up that hole with something. Now move it."

"Fine," said Rodney. "Gees, I get no respect."

He then got off the ground and took one of his socks and jammed it in the hole.

"Good," said Sano. "Now one more thing. If that sock comes out of that hole for any reason, I will plug it up with you. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" said Rodney as he gave Sano a salute.

Sano left his room and went back into his.

When he arrived in the room, he found Megumi sitting on her bead.

He then went over to her and sat down beside her.

"I took care of it," said Sano. "I got him to plug the hole up with a sock."

"I can't believe the little trip would do something like that," said Megumi.

"Did his little peepshow take you out of the mood?" asked Sano.

"I still feel uncomfortable," said Megumi, "But I'm willing to give it another try."

"Excellent!" said Sano.

They then both took of their clothes and got back to business.

The next morning at 6:00 A.M., Sano and Megumi got up. The ship was supposed to dock at 8:00 A.M., so they got ready, ate some breakfast, and then went to the top deck to watch it dock.

When 8:00 rolled around the shipped docked. Captain Jack made his way to the ramp and gave his farewells to all the passengers. Megumi and Sano, with all their stuff with them, walked up to the ramp.

"Goodbye fellow passengers," said Captain Jack. "I hope you enjoyed yourselves and I hope to see you again on the S. S. Seaduction. My next voyage is going to be the Bermuda Triangle."

"We had an…interesting time," said Megumi.

"And we'll think about taking another cruise too," said Sano.

They walked off the ship.

Then Rodney came up to Captain Jack.

"Am I going to be banned from your cruises because of the party thing?" asked Rodney.

"I'm not going to remember who the hell you are," said Captain Jack. "Not to mention you paid for this cruise. I'll put up with all kinds of crap as long as I get some money out of it."

"See you later Gilligan," said Rodney.

He got off the ship.

Sano spotted Rodney on the pier and went up to him. Then Megumi sluggishly followed him.

"Hey Rodney," said Sano. "I hope you had fun."

"It was a barrel of laughs," said Rodney. "It was like a bad dream come true."

"It wasn't that bad," said Sano.

"Yeah, going back home is much worse," said Rodney. "Now that's a nightmare come true."

"See you later," said Sano.

"Yeah, bye," said Megumi.

"Same to you," said Rodney. "Take care and remember, if you don't see me within the next week, I'm pushing up daises. My wife loves to make me do all the gardening around the house. It's probably because it's sissy work."

Then they went their separate ways.

Back on the ship the cleaning crew was making there way through the ship. They cleaned the bar, the cafeteria, the decks, the hallways, the passengers' rooms, and etcetera.

"Let's see," said the cleaning person. "The next room is room sixty-nine."

He went inside and looked around.

"Why in the rocky mountain oysters is there a hole in the wall?" he said puzzled.

Then he saw that the bunk bed was broken.

He shook his head and said, "Whoever stayed in this room sure took the room number to heart."

The End


	28. Episode 28

REVENGE IS A DISH BETTER SERVED COLD

"Are you ready?" asked Yahiko.

"Yep," said Kenji.

"Then let the ultimate battle to determine which sword style is better commence," said Yahiko.

Kenji ran towards Yahiko with his shinai pointed at him to stab him. When he got close enough, he thrust the shinai at Yahiko, but he turned away just in the nick of time. He ran passed him and was whacked in the shoulder. He turned around and started to swing the shinai at Yahiko. Yahiko managed to block every one of his attacks. Then Kenji jumped in the air and raised his shinai above his head. Yahiko saw the opening and hit him in the chest. He fell down on his back.

"Looks like the Kamiya Kasshin style is better," said Yahiko.

Kenji staggered to his feet.

"You forget though," said Kenji. "The Hiten Mitsurugi style has the ama kakeru ryu no hirameki. What does the Kamiya Kasshin style have?"

"The forbidden technique of the end of the era," said Yahiko.

"Kicking somebody between the legs is the best attack it has?" said Kenji. "Besides, it's not a real attack. You just made it up."

"That's it," said Yahiko. "You're going down punk."

Then he charged at Kenji.

"Now's my chance," said Kenji to himself. "I can do the ultimate attack."

When Yahiko got in range, he did it (or tried to anyway). Yahiko saw this coming and jumped back and dodged it. Then he hit Kenji in the head.

"Ah!" screamed Kenji.

He sliced upward at Yahiko, but he flipped his shinai down to block it. Then he spun around to try and hit Yahiko horizontally, but he ducked. When he was still ducking, he stabbed Kenji in the gut.

"Give up," said Yahiko. "You cannot beat the Kamiya Kasshin style."

"I can't let him win," said Kenji to himself. "I can't let my dad, the battousai, down. And I certainly can't let a sword style taught by a girl win."

He put his shinai in the ama kakeru ryu no hirameki position again.

"Oh fine," said Yahiko. "One last round. You're just embarrassing yourself."

He turned around and walked backwards a little bit. Then he turned to Kenji and raised his shinai. After he did that he charged at Kenji. When he got close enough Kenji did his attack.

"Ama kakeru ryu no mudsling," shouted Kenji at the top of his lungs. He pulled a piece of mud out of his pocket and threw it at Yahiko. It hit him in the face and blinded him. Then he hit him in the nuts. Yahiko fell over on his back groaning.

"What a comeback," said Kenji as he jumped up and down.

"You cheated," moaned Yahiko.

"It's about winning," said Kenji. "Not about how you win. Getting the job done is all that matters."

He walked out of the Kamiya dojo laughing.

Yahiko sat up and wiped the mud off his face.

"I have to get revenge on him," said Yahiko to himself. "He cheated and that's not good. There has a to be a way to teach that brat a lesson."

Yahiko hoisted himself off the ground and left the dojo.

"What can I do?" thought Yahiko as he was walking through the marketplace. "I could just engage him in another duel and beat him fair and square, but that would require too much effort. There has to be another way."

He then walked into an alleyway.

As he continued walking through the alley, he heard some familiar voices coming from around the corner.

"That sounds like Sano and Katsu," said Yahiko quietly to himself. "I think I'll eavesdrop on their conversation. I've got nothing better to do."

He stopped just a couple feet behind the exit to the alley, so his two targets wouldn't hear him.

"Megumi and I have enough money," said Sano, "But I wish that we'd have more money."

"Have you talked this over with her?" asked Katsu.

"Yes," said Sano. "I told her that I feel that we should have more money coming into the house. I also told her that in order to accomplish this I would get a job. I would go back to being a fight merchant."

"So," said Katsu, "What was her response?"

"She didn't like it. She feels that it is barbaric, immoral, and contradicts the fact of her being a doctor."

"I have an idea that might change her mind. Try telling her this. If you were to become a fight merchant, your household income would increase more than she'd expect. You would be hired by a client to beat somebody up. Then, that person would have to go to Megumi for medical attention. You would not only make money for yourself, but it would also indirectly make more money for Megumi. It would be a never ending cycle of profit."

"Wow! You're absolutely right. Our total income would actually increase more than normal. I'll give that a run by her and see if that does changes her mind. Thanks."

"I'm glad I could be of help. "Now, let's head down to that Akabeko. I'm getting hungry."

Both Sano and Katsu left for the restaurant.

"I think I have an idea," said Yahiko to himself. "I don't know if it's going to work, but I'll sure as hell give it a try."

Yahiko then quickly ran home to get started on his ultimate revenge on Kenji.

"Megumi!" said Sano as he walked in the door an hour later. "I have an idea that could change you mind about becoming a fight merchant again."

"Sano," said Megumi as she sat at the kitchen table, "There is nothing that could change my mind about it."

"Oh, this will," said Sano as he sat down at the table.

"Fine," said Megumi. "Spill it."

Yahiko left his house and ran over to Sano's.

"I hope this works," thought Yahiko as he was running. "Even though Megumi doesn't want Sano to be a fight merchant anymore, maybe he'll disobey her and do it if he receives a request letter from a potential client."

"So what do you think?" asked Sano as he still sat at the table. "Will you let me be a fight merchant again?"

"Sano," said Megumi very calmly. "That "never ending cycle of profit" idea that you just explained has got to be the most distasteful and disgusting way to make money. How could you come up with such a sinister money making scheme like that?"

"I didn't come up with it," said Sano. "Katsu did."

"That man needs to get his head examined," said Megumi.

"How can you not like it?" questioned Sano. "It's the ultimate capitalist idea."

"It's sick!" shouted Megumi. "I'm not going to make money off the people who got beat up by my husband, who got paid to beat them up in the first place."

"Now, let's see," said Yahiko as he came up to the house. "Where should I put this note? I have to stick it someplace where Sano will definitely see it."

He then thought for a moment.

"I know," said Yahiko. "I'll stick it in his secret stash of candy that everyone knows about except for Megumi. Now I have to get inside. But how?"

He then noticed the rice paper wall.

"Bingo!" said Yahiko. "Now this is going to take all my skill."

He then kicked a hole through the wall and crawled through. When he got inside, he could hear Sano and Megumi arguing.

"Excellent," said Yahiko as he quietly made his way to the bedroom. "They're arguing. I've got plenty of time to complete this mission."

When he got to the bedroom he opened the door and went inside. He then rushed over to Sano's drawer, where he supposedly kept his loincloths. He opened it up and dug through his belongings until he found the bag. He took the note and stuck it in the bag.

"Now to reward myself for a mission well done," said Yahiko to himself.

He grabbed some of Sano's candy and put the bag back in its proper place. He closed the drawer and exited the bedroom. He then went back to the hole he made and crawled back through it.

"I don't need this," said Sano. "I'm out of here."

He got up of the ground and left the kitchen.

"Once he figures out he can eat or go gambling, he'll forget all about this fighter-for-higher business," said Megumi to herself.

"Man I need some candy after that," said Sano to himself. "That'll cheer me up."

He went into the bedroom and opened the drawer. He dug around in it until he found the candy bag.

All of a sudden Notaro came up behind him and started to bark. Sano turned around startled.

"Shut up Notaro," said Sano. "How about some candy to keep you quite?"

He reached in the bag and pulled out a piece and gave it to Notaro. He took it and lay on the ground to chew it. Then he noticed the letter and took it out.

""What's this?" asked Sano.

He opened it up and read it.

Dear Sano,

I want to hire you to fight somebody. I'd like to meet you down at the river tonight at 8:00 P.M. to talk about it.

Sincerely, Y.M.

"Hot dog," said Sano. "Somebody wants to hire me. But what do I tell Megumi when I leave to meet this guy?"

At 7:45 P.M. Sano got ready to leave and he decided to bring Notaro with him.

They walked into the living room where Megumi was reading a book.

"Megumi," said Sano. "Notaro and I are going for a walk, I mean we're going to fight crime, I mean we're going to an NRA convention…or something like that."

"Okay," said Megumi, who really wasn't paying attention. "Just don't stay out too late."

"All right," said Sano.

He and Notaro left the house.

They got down to the lake at 8:00 P.M. just like the letter said. Sano looked around but didn't see anybody. After a minute somebody came up to them. It was Yahiko.

"Hey Sano," said Yahiko.

"Hey Yahiko," said Sano. "I can't really talk right now. I'm waiting for somebody. They want to hire me to fight someone."

"I wrote that letter," said Yahiko.

"The person who wants to hire me made you write that letter?" asked Sano. "Why would they do that? Anyway, who made you write it?"

"I'm the person who wants to hire you," said Yahiko.

"I don't follow," said Sano.

"Y.M. is Yahiko Myojin," said Yahiko.

"Huh," said Sano confused.

"I snuck into your house and put the letter in your secret candy bag," said Yahiko annoyed.

"It's almost like you're the one who did this whole thing," said Sano.

"Ah!" screamed Yahiko as he grabbed his hair.

"Wait," said Sano. "It was you?"  
"Yes my dear witless wonder," said Yahiko. "I want you to fight Kenji Himura."

"Why?" asked Sano.

"We sparred together and he cheated, so I want to get revenge," said Yahiko.

"I usually don't fight kids," said Sano.

"Well, he's got some tricks up his sleeves," said Yahiko. "He could put up a fight. And what do you care, you're getting paid."

"That's right," said Sano. "But what am I getting?"

"I'll give you some candy beyond your wildest dreams," said Yahiko as he waved his hand in the air.

"Deal," said Sano,

They shook hands.

Sano then left and went back home.

"Now how am I going to go about this?" said Sano to Notaro.

He then thought for a moment.

"I have an idea," he said suddenly. "I'll hang out with Kenji in order to find his strengths and weaknesses. I'll do this by observing him and asking him questions. That way when we engage in the fight, I'll have a better shot of beating him."

He took Notaro home and went to bed.

The next day, after Megumi left for the clinic, Sano decided to put his plan into action. He grabbed some paper and a writing utensil and went over to Kenshin's.

"I can't believe you burned your pants," said Kenshin as he and Kenji were outside in the yard getting ready to leave.

"How was I supposed to know that they were flammable?" said Kenji.

"Well," said Kenshin, "Because of your little pyrotechnic show, I have to go buy you new pants."

Sano then came into the yard.

"Hey guys," said Sano. "What's up?"

"I have to go buy Kenji new pants," said Kenshin. "He incinerated his old pare."

"I told you," said Kenji. "That was an accident. When I created that fire with two rocks, it got out of control, so I tried to smoother it with my pants."

"I can take him," said Sano.

"You want to take Kenji shopping?" asked Kenshin.

"Sure," said Sano. "I never get to spend enough time with him anyway."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "You can take him."

He then gave Sano the money.

"Yes!" screamed Kenshin. "I'm free. I don't have to waste an hour of my life shopping."

He then ran off back into the house before Sano changed his mind.

Sano then remembered something.

"Oh yeah," said Sano. "You don't mind do you?"

"Of course not," said Kenji. "I actually prefer you. You're way more fun."

"Ain't that the truth," said Sano. "Let's go."

Sano and Kenji went down to the marketplace.

When they got there, the first thing they did was go looking for Kenji's pants.

After several minutes of searching they found the store.

"Sano," said Kenji as he picked up some pants from the display. "These are identical to mine. Let's buy them."

"Okay," said Sano as he was scribbling down some notes on his paper.

After he was finishing taking notes, he paid the guy, and then they left.

"Wow," said Sano. "That was lame. It took us five minutes to buy your pants."

"Yeah," asked Kenji. "Well, now what do we do?"

"Let's go get some candy," said Sano.

"Yeah," said Kenji.

They headed to a candy shop.

When they found a candy shop, Kenji went nuts.

"I'll take some of these," said Kenji to the person who was running the place, as he was pointing and looking through the candy display. "I also want some of that, that, and, ohh that."

As this kept going on, Sano kept taking more notes.

After Kenji was done with his candy jihad, he had two pounds worth.

Sano paid the person, and they were on their way.

"Thanks for letting me get all this candy," said Kenji.

"It's no problem," said Sano. "Now give me some."

He then snatched the bag from Kenji and took some candy out.

"How could you let Sano take Kenji shopping?" said Kaoru as she and Kenshin were sitting at the kitchen table.

"Simple," said Kenshin. "I didn't want to go and Sano wanted to. Besides, I figured why should I deprive Sano of something that would give him so much joy?"

"Do you know irresponsible he is?" said Kaoru. "They'll either come back with the wrong pants or no pants. Actually, there's a chance that they might not even come back at all. "

"Relax," said Kenshin. "I can guarantee you that Sano and Kenji will eventually make it back here in the condition that they left in. However, as for getting the correct pants, that I cannot."

Just then, the door opened and Sano and Kenji came into the room.

"Oh thank Buddha," said Kaoru. "They made it back okay."

She then noticed the pants that Sano was carrying.

"I can't believe it," said Kaoru. "They actually managed to buy the correct pants. What the hell is going on?"

"I hope you don't mind that I bought him some candy?" said Sano.

"Of course I don't," said Kaoru sarcastically. "I don't mind you buying my son unhealthy, sugary, teeth rotting, fattening treats."

"Good then," said Sano, who was totally oblivious to the context of Kaoru's answer. "We'll, I'll be on my way. I'll see you all later"

He then left the room and went back to his house.

When he got inside his house, he went straight to the bedroom.

"Excellent," said Sano as he put all his notes on his futon. "I can now look at my notes and figure out my battle plan. Kenji is going down."

He then sat down on the futon and began reading his notes.

After a half-hour of studying, he finally came to a conclusion.

"These notes are useless!" said Sano. "All they say is that Kenji is an incredibly fast shopper, his favorite flavor of hard candy is cherry, he had to save Tommy and Victor from an alternate dimension, he likes to make farting noises, he doesn't know how to defend against the Futae no Kiwami, and he can squirt sake out of his nose. Now what am I supposed to do? I guess I'll just have to fight him the honorable way."

The next day while Megumi was at work, Sano decided to go and tell Kenji that he was going to fight him. He walked up to Kenshin's house and then went inside.

"Hey," said Karou as he passed her in the hallway. "You can't just come in here."

He went to the kitchen where Kenshin and Kenji were sitting at the table.

"Kenji," said Sano. "I have been hired to fight you. The fight will take place tomorrow at 7:00 P.M. in your frontyard."

"Are you sure you didn't just imagine this?" asked Kaoru, who was standing behind Sano at the door.

"Nope," said Sano.

He showed her the letter.

"Oh Buddha," said Kaoru. "Sano's right…for once."

"Well, see you kid," said Sano. "You might want to bring a mop Kaoru to mop up the Kenji chunks afterwards."

"One last thing," said Kaoru. "Who hired you?"

"I can't tell you that," said Sano.

He left the house.

"We have to stop him," said Kaoru.

"Hey," said Kenshin. "You said you always wanted him to work. Now when he is, you want him to stop. Make up your mind."

She walked over and smacked him in the head.

"Ah," said Kenshin rubbing his head. "Since he's getting paid, he's stubborn, and immune to reason and logic, I don't think we can."

"Then what do we do?" asked Kaoru.

"Have Kenji fight him," said Kenshin. "But don't worry, I'll train the lad."

"I need to lay down" said Kaoru sparatically. "Maybe this is just a nightmare, a stupid Sano infested nightmare and I'll wake up from it."

She walked out of the room.

"Now that your mom has just said goodbye to planet earth, it's time to train," said Kenshin.

"This is happening so fast," said Kenji. "What's going on?"

"Relax," said Kenshin. "It's all under control."

He grabbed Kenji and dragged him out of the kitchen and into the dojo.

"I'm not going to fight him," said Kenji.

"You have to," said Kenshin. "You have to bring honor to the Hiumra name. If you don't you'll bring shame to it. You'll be letting down all your realitves. And you don't want to look like a wimp do you?"

"No," said Kenji. "But I'm still not sure."

"You're a Himura," said Kenshin. "And Himuras are fighters."

"Wait," said Kenji. "Didn't you fight Sano before?"  
"Yep," said Kenshin. "And telling you about that is part of the training."

"Maybe I have a chance now," said Kenji.

"Let's see," said Kenshin. "All the moves I used to stop him you can't do, he's stronger than you, and he has more stamina than you."

"And this helps me how?" asked Kensji.

"Well, it helps you by telling you that you'll have to train a lot to take this guy on," said Kenshin.

"Uhh," groaned Kenji.

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "Take this."

He gave his reverse blade sword to Kenji.

"This is a fight where you're going to be using real swords," said Kenshin.

They practiced until lunch, then they practiced until supper, and then they practiced until Kaoru made them go to bed. The next day they practiced some more.

It was 6:45 P.M. when they got ready to head out into the courtyard.

"Kenshin!" shouted Kaoru. "Where are you!"

She looked all around the house and then went outside. She found him in some woods.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Kaoru. "It's almost time for the fight."

"I'm just finding a tombstone to put on Kenji's grave," said Kenshin. "What do you think we should put on it?"

She grabbed him and dragged him back to the house to get ready.

When the three of them went to the courtyard, Katsu, Dr. Genzai, Tommy, and Victor were there.

"Why are you guys here?" asked Karou.

"We're betting on the fight," said Katsu.

3:00 P.M. came and Sano and Megumi walked into the courtyard.

Kenshin went up to Dr. Genzai, Katsu, Tommy, and Victor.

"All right gentlemen," said Kenshin. "Place your bets now."

They all got out their money and gave it to Kenshin. Everyone bet on Sano because they couldn't see how a ten year old kid who's never fought before possibly win against a former fight merchant who can use a zanbatou.

"Thanks everybody," said Kenshin.

"Kenshin!" yelled Kaoru as she came up to him. "How can you take bets on a fight that includes your own son?"

"You should never pass an opprotunity to make money," said Kenshin. "Besides, it's not like I'm betting against him."

Just then Yahiko came into the courtyard.

"Oh good," thought Yahiko. "They didn't start yet."

Kaoru walked up to Sano.

"Can I be the referee?" asked Kaoru. "This fight is so corrupt it needs somebody to make it kind of fair."

"Knock yourself out Missie," said Sano.

She walked into the middle of the courtyard.

"Listen up people," said Kaoru. "The fight's about to begin. Challengers take your places."

Sano walked up to Kaoru with his zanbatou and Kenji did the same with his reverseblade sword.

"Is there anything I can say that won't result in this fight taking place," asked Kaoru.

"Let me think about that," said Sano. "Um…no."

"May Buddha have mercy on your soul," said Kaoru angerly.

She turned her attention back to the fight.

"On the count of three the fight will start," she shouted. "One…two…three…go."

"All right," said Sano. "I dedicate this fight in the name of Captain Sagara."

"I'm so sick of hearing about that man," said Kenji. "Will you shut up about him? Besides, the man was great, but not that great."

"How dare you insult the name of Captain Sagara!" yelled Sano. "For that I'm going to send you to the boawls of hell!"

He lifted his zanbatou over his head and charged at Kenji.

"Oh grap!" yelled Kenji. "Ah!"

He then ran the other direction with Sano chasing behind him. Eventually, Sano ended up chasing Kenji in a never ending circle.

"Kenji!" yelled Kenshin. "You're disgracing the Himura name. You're acting like a coward. You have to attack him."

"I'm putting an end to this right now," said Kaoru. "I'm not going to see my only son die."

"You can't!" said Kenshin. "I have bets running on this."

"You care more about money than your own child?" said Kaoru.

"No," said Kenshin. "I like them both the same. And besides, Kenji isn't going to die. He'll just get severally injured."

"That it!" said Kaoru. "I'm ending it."

Kenshin started to think fast. He had to do something to prevent Kaoru from stopping the fight.

"Hold on Kaoru," said Kenshin. "We always wanted Kenji to be able to fight. Well, this will give him practice."

"I don't know," said Kaoru. "He wasn't trained enough for something like this."

"I only had two days," said Kenshin. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Kenji can fight Sano. It'll benefit him in the long run."

"That's the spirit!" said Kenshin. "You're now acting like a real mother."

Kaoru then gave her attention to Kenji.

"Stop acting like a wuss!" yelled Kaoru. "I want you to show some balls and fight back! Come on!"

Sano raised his zanbatou and attempted to cut Kenji by making a downward digagonal slash. Kenji saw this coming and rolled out of the way. When Sano's zanbatou got stuck in the ground, Kenji ran up the weapon and sturck him in the back with Kenshin's sakabatou.

Sano then grabbed Kenji's shirt and threw him off the zanbatou onto the ground. Kenji got back up and charged and Sano and swung it at him. He deflected all of Kenji's attacks. Sano jumped back and swept the zanbatou acorss the ground. Kenji jumped over it in just the nick of time. He landed on the ground and hit Sano in the side. Sano shrugged it off and started to walk around Kenji in a circle. As he was doing this, Kenji noticed a pile of mud by him. He kicked it at Sano. It flew over the handle of Sano's zanbatou and his hands. It was so slipperly he couldn't hold on to it so it fell to the ground.

"I just cleaned that yesterday," said Sano.

"Well now you can relive the fun of cleaning it again," said Kenji.

Sano went in for the kill. He shoved Kenji to the ground. Kenji got back up and he shoved him to the ground. Then Kenji got up again and he shoved him back to the ground again. This went on for about five minutes.

"That's it," said Kaoru. "Knock it off."

Sano walked away from Kenji.

Kenji got up again.

"I can't use my zanbatou anymore," thought Sano in his mind. "It's all muddy, so I can't get a good grip on it."

"How can I possibly beat this guy?" thought Kenji in his mind. "His skill level is light years beyond me. I guess I'll just have to attack him the only way I know how."

Kenji than lunged at Sano with his sword off to his side ready to slash him. When he arrived close enough to Sano, Sano put his hand out and grabbed Kenji's head. Kenji started to swing his sakabatou uncontrollably from side to side without doing any damage. Apparently, the sword was to short.

"Ha ha!" exclaimed Sano. "This is a piece of cake."

"Okay Sano," shouted Megumi. "This is enough. It's time for you end this madness!"

"No way," yelled Sano. "I'm having too much fun."

Kenji then figured out that Sano wasn't paying attention to him anymore, so he went for the gold. He kept swinging and eventually hit Sano in his fellas.

Sano screamed and grabbed his grotch and fell onto his side.

"No!" screamed Megumi as she looked up to the sky and raised her hands above her head, and dropped to her knees.

"Yes!" yelled Kenji. "I win!"

"No you haven't," said Sano as he was still laying on the ground with hands between his legs. "I'm not down yet."

He then stood up ready to fight.

"You can't do that," said Kenji. "I popped you in your coconuts. You're supposed to be incapacitated for the next five hours or so."

"I defy all the rules of reality," said Sano. "So prepare to die, uh, I mean prepare to get seriously injured."

He then jumped at Kenji with his right fist. Kenji blocked Sano's fist with his sakabatou. Sano then tried to punch Kenji with his left fist, which was also blocked by Kenji's sakbatou. This kept going on until Sano finally grabbed the sword.

"Take this you little brat," said Sano.

He then lifted the sakbatou into the air. Kenji, being the dimwit that he was, didn't let go of the sword, and therefore went into the air with it. Sano then swung the sword behind him a little bit (with Kenji still attached) and then swung it downward. Kenji smashed into the ground on his stomach and layed there.

"Get up!" yelled Kaoru. "You're making me and your father look bad."

Kenji just lay there like a slug without saying a word.

"I am the winner!" said Sano. "The little wimp couldn't handle it anymore."

Kenji struggled to get up, but he eventually did.

"Maybe I can trip him," he said to himself.

He shoved the sword and sheath in bewteen Sano's legs and twisted it to trip him. Sano lost his balance and fell on his back. Once he figured out what happened, he kicked Kenji in the stomach and stumbled backwards onto the ground. Sano then got back up.

"You can't beat Zanza," said Sano as he pointed at Kenji. "I'm the greatest street brawler that ever lived and there's nothing you can do about it. Ha ha ha ha ha…"

"Great," said Kaoru. "Now he's gloating."

"Yeah," said Megumi. "And because he beat the snot out of a kid."

Kenji still lay on the ground.

"I'm so tired," thought Kenji. "I'll give it one more try but then I'm down for the count."

He sat up and then got back up onto his feet.

"Don't tell me you're still fighting," said Sano.

"Okay," said Kenji. "I'll show you instead."

"Let's do this thing," said Sano.

They turned around and walked backwards for a little bit. Then they turned around to face each other again. After a minute they ran towards each other as fast as they could.

Just then Notaro came running into the courtyard. He was so fast he was a blur. He ran right up to Sano because he was wanted to jump on his back.

"Chambered punch!" shouted Sano.

"Ama kakeru ryu no hirameki!" shouted Kenji.

Sano leaned back and dodged the attack.

"No!" yelled Kenji.

"Feel my wrath you weakling!" yelled Sano.

He was about ready to punch him when Notaro got in between them and jumped in the air. Then after a second, Notaro suddenly launched at Sano and hit him in the stomach. Both of them went flying backwards onto the ground.

"Huh?" said Kenji and then he toppled over.

"So that was his plan all along," said Kenshin. "He waited until Notaro came along and then used the ama kakeru ryu no hirameki to create a vacuum which sucked him so he would hit Sano like a furry cannonball."

"Try accident," said Kaoru, who was like a deer in headlights.

Sano was still lying on the ground with Notaro sitting on top of him.

Kaoru walked over to him with a stick and poked him. He didn't move or say anything. She walked over to Kenji and picked him off the ground.

"Kenji's the winner!" screamed Kaoru.

"Yes!" exclaimed Kenshin. "I get to keep all the money!"

Katsu, Dr. Genzai, Tommy and Victor all groaned and started swearing under their breaths.

"I'm glad the fight's over," said Megumi to herself, "But I'm still curious as to who hired Sano to fight him."

She then thought about it for a couple minutes and figured it out.

"I have it," said Megumi. "Now I must let the masses know the truth."

She then walked into the arena where Sano and Kenji had just fought.

"Attention everyone!" she yelled. "I have, through deductive reasoning, figured out the client who hired Sano to fight Kenji. It was none other than Yahiko Myōjin."

"That's a lie!" said Yahiko as he stepped into the ring. "I'm to stupid to have figured out an ingenious plan like this."

"It was you," said Megumi. "First, you had a fight with Kenji a couple days earlier and he beat you by cheating. Therefore, you had a reason to get revenge on him. Second, the letter that Sano received had the initials 'Y.M.' on it. Those initials stand for 'Yahiko Myōjin.' Third, and finally, everytime Sano hit Kenji, you got really excited and everytime Kenji hit Sano, you got worried, and you didn't place any bet on either one of them. Then why were you so biased towards Sano then? It was because you hired him and you wanted him to win."

"Damn it!" said Yahiko. "I knew I should've bet on Sano."

"Now for your punishment," said Kaoru as she came up to him. "Since you create so many messes, you are going to get the chance to actaully clean one up for a change. You have to clean up our house and the dojo from top to bottom. And you have to do it in women's clothes chosen by me."

She then grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the house.

"Okay," said Megumi. "Sano get off the ground."

"I can't," said Sano. "Notaro's too heavy."

"Oh for the love of…" said Megumi. "Notaro, get off Sano since he's incapable of getting you off himself."

Notaro then got off Sano.

"Come on Sano and Kenji," said Megumi. "I'll take you back to my house and treat your injuries. You come too Notaro. I have to feed you."

Sano and Kenji both got off the ground, and along with Notaro, followed her back to the house.

"Beaten by a kid," said Sano as he shook his head.

"Don't feel so bad," said Kenji. "Everything just acidently fell into the right place at the right time. Did you really think I knew what I was doing?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," said Sano. "The only way somebody can beat me is because of some freak accident that has almost no chance of happening. I'm just too darn good."

"At least he's back in his mindless dilusion," said Megumi to herself. "Now he won't be lieing in a doorway as a firehazard, moping, and covered with sake."

The End


	29. Episode 29

MARRIED…WITH THE MOB

Kenshin was at the marketplace picking up some ingredients for dinner. Kaoru was making her awful gyūdon again. After he was done buying the rice beef, onion soy sauce, and mirin, he wanted to windowshop for a while. After walking around for a couple minutes, he found a Model 1816 Musket at a gun shop.

"Wow!" said Kenshin. "I always wanted to own a firearm, but how am I going to afford it? I can't ask Kaoru for the money because she doesn't have enough. I could ask Megumi to loan me some money, but she would charge me interest through the butt. There has to be another way."

He then thought about it for a moment.

"I can't think of anything," he said. "There's no way I'll ever be able to buy a weapon like that. I guess I'm not suppossesd to own something that great."

He then left the shop with his head lowered.

When he returned home Kaoru was in the kitchen with the pans and pots already out.

"There you are," said Kaoru as Kenshin came into the room with the groceries. "I thought you died or something."

"No," said Kenshin. "I didn't die, but my heart did."

"Let's see," said Kaoru, who was totally oblivious to Kenshin's statement. "Did you get everything that I asked for?"

She then looked through through all the cases of food he had.

"Well, I'll be damned," said Kaoru. "You actually got all the correct ingredients."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "I'm not that stupid."

"Don't sell yourself short," said Kaoru. "I'm going to start making dinner Why don't you spend some quality time with Kenji while you wait?"

"Fine," said Kenshin. "At least he's a man. I'm sick of dealing with women."

He then left the kitchen and went to find Kenji.

Kenji was in the backyard messing around with one of Kaoru's bokkens.

"Hey!" yelled Kenshin as he came towards Kenji. "What are you doing?"

"Uh…" said Kenji thinking fast. "Yahiko made me do it. He said that if I didn't steal one of my mom's bokkens and play around with it, he'd hurt me."

"Relax," said Kenshin. "I'm not busting you."

"Thank Buddha," said Kenji.

"You're fake excuse sucked," said Kenshin, "But we'll work on that later. I don't feel like debating that right now."

Kenji could see that there was something wrong with Kenshin.

"Dad," said Kenji. "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "There is."

"Well," said Kenji, "Let's sit down and talk about it."

"What does this look like?" said Kenshin. "Dr. Phil?"

"Stop your complaining," said Kenji, "And just sit down."

Kenshin sat down on the ground.

"Okay," said Kenji as he sat down in front of him. "What's the matter?"

"When I was shopping for dinner today," said Kenshin, "I came across a Model 1816 Musket at a gun place…"

"Cool!" said Kenji. "I can't believe that you found one of those. What is it?"

"It was a firearm that was used in the beginning of the American Civil War," said Kenshin. "Now let me finish. One more outburst from you, and you'll wish you didn't have that bokken with you. Now as I was saying: When I was shopping for dinner today, I came across a Model 1816 Musket at some gun place. But, I couldn't figure out a way to buy it."

"Why don't we go ask Sano?" asked Kenji. "He's always trying to make money."  
"That's brilliant!" said Kenshin.

They rushed right over to Sano's house.

"Hey, Sano," said Kenshin as they went in the front door. "I want to buy a Model 1816 Musket at the gun place in the marketplace. But I don't know how to get the money."

"You could gamble," said Sano as he was sitting on the ground for some stupid reason. "But you could loose money though."

He thought for a minute.

"Wait," said Sano. "I have a better idea. Borrow it from the one of the mobs around here."

"Great idea," said Kenshin. "But we don't know where they hang out."

"Let's go ask Yahiko," said Sano. "He used to be a pick pocket for one."

"That's brilliant!" said Kenshin.

The three of them raced over to Yahiko's house. Kenshin rapped on the door and Yahiko opened it.

"What do you want butt-munch?" snickered Yahiko.

"I need to know where I can find a mob to borrow money from," said Kenshin. "I want to buy a Model 1816 Musket."

"Do you think that I actually still keep track of that stuff?" asked Yahiko.

"Yes I do," said Kenshin confidentally.

"Well you think right," said Yahiko. "But if I help you, what's in it for me?"  
"You get personal visits with the gun when I get bored of it," said Kenshin.

"All right," said Yahiko. "Let's get going."

He walked outisde and they followed him to the marketplace.

"You'd actually let Yahiko play with it?" whispered Sano to Kenshin.

"The joke's on him," whispered Kenshin. "I'll never get bored of it."  
They got to the marketplace and went into the back allyes.

"There's a group that lurks in the back alleyways aroundhere," said Yahiko. "They're a bakuto, or gambling group, that also does loan sharking. They're called the Fuzzy Dice."

After walking around for a couple of minutes they stopped.

"I think that's it," said Yahiko as he pointed over to a building in the corner.

It had no windows except for a little rectangular one on the front door that could be slid open.

"I think that's their hangout," said Yahiko. "What you do is go up there, knock, and somebody will open that little slit. Then give them the password which is 'password'."

"Their password is password?" asked Sano.

"Yeah I know," said Yahiko. "They're retarted. Now if you excuse me, I have to go home and come up with a list of what I'm going to do with the gun."

He took off for home.

"Here it goes," said Kenshin.

Kenshin, Sano, and Kenji went up to the door. Kenshin then knocked on it.

The little window on the door opened.

"What's the password?" asked a voice.

"Password," said Kenshin.

The guy slid the little door on the window closed. He then unlocked the door and opened it.

Kenshin, Sano, and Kenji went inside.

"Now," said Sano. "Be careful of what you say or do. One wrong move, and we'll all be killed."

He then noticed some mob henchmen in the corner playing dice.

"Hey you namby-pambies!" yelled Sano to them. "Let me show you how a real man plays dice. Be prepared to get your sorry asses kicked!"

He then ran over to them.

"Dad," said Kenji. "Is Sano going to die?"

"Probably, son," said Kenshin. "Now let's go get my loan so that I can get my gun."

Kenshin and Kenji walked around until they found the mob boss at the back of the building.

Since there were no windows to let light in, candles lined the the rooms. The shadows of the people inside flickered on the walls. Only silhouettes were visible.

"Before anything else I want to know this," said the mob boss as Kenshin and Kenji came into the room. "Are you guys cops? Oh hell it doesn't matter. They're all corrupt anyway. Let me introduce myself: I'm Koshijiro 'The Bishop' Isurugi, the boss. Behind me to your left is Yutarou 'The Mortician' Arai and to your right is Souji 'The Mangler' Otowa, the person who let you in Gohei 'The Abalone' Honjou, and Outa 'The Delicious' Inui is probably taking a dump again. The rest are just cronies. Now what is your name?"

"My name is Kenshin Himura," said Kenshin. "The boy is Kenji Himura and my gambling addicted comrade is Sano Sagara."

"How may I be of service to you Mr. Himura?" asked Koshijiro.

"I want to borrow some money to buy a Model 1816 Musket," said Kenshin.

"Excellent choice of a firearm," said Koshijiro. "Well you're in luck," said Koshijiro. "We give loans to people here. How much?"

"23,091.00 yen," said Kenshin.

"Done," said Koshijiro. "Now as for paying us back, come back here in one week with double that."

"How come it's double?" asked Kenshin.

"Interest," said Koshijiro.

He snapped his fingers and a crony came up to him with a briefcase. He opened it and took some money and then gave it to Kenshin.

"Make sure you pay it back," said Koshijiro with a piercing stare.

Kenshin and Kenji got Sano and left to go buy the gun. They made it in front of Kenshin's home just as Kaoru was putting dinner on the table.

"I'm going to head back to my house," said Sano. "There I eat supper with a woman who both cooks good and looks good. I'll be back later to play with your weapon."

He went back to his place.

"How's mom going to react to the gun?" said Kenji.

"I have no idea, but she if she opposes it, that's too bad," said Kenshin. "When a man buys something with his own money, he's in total control of it."

"But you didn't use your own money," said Kenji. "You used the mob's money. According to your rule, the mobsters are in control of it until you pay them back."

"Damn it!" said Kenshin. "Why do all my plans backfire?"

"Relax. You're okay. The mob doesn't know about the rule. Therefore, they can't enforce it. Therefore, that puts you in control of the gun."

"Excellent thinking! Now let's go in and eat before your mom thinks that we ditched her. I almost forgot. We can't tell her about how I borrowed money from the mob. She won't like that. If she asks, either you or I tell her that I won it in a fight tournament."

"Got it!" said Kenji as he gave Kenshin a salute.

Kenshin and Kenji went in the front gate and went up into the house.

"There you guys are," said Kaoru as Kenshin and Kenji came into the room. "I thought you guys ditched me."

She then noticed the gun that Kenshin was carrying.

"What is that thing you are carrying?" said Kaoru.

"Oh, this," said Kenshin as he held it up. "It's a Model 1816 Musket. It was used in the early years of the American Civil War until around 1862. It was first a flintlock, but then it was converted to percussion caps in 1841. The barrel is forty-two inches long, and as you can see, it has an 1812 bayonet on the top. There were about only 675,000 made in all."

"Uh?" said Kaoru who didn't understand a word that Kenshin just said.

"Dad," said Kenji. "Mom isn't an insider like us. Simplify it."

"Okay," said Kenshin.

He then gave his attention to Kaoru.

"It is a gun that was used in America about fifteen years ago," said Kenshin.

"Oh," said Kaoru. "Okay, I get it. But, what's America?"

Kenshin and Kenji just stared at her in aw.

"It's that little western nation that Tommy and Victor come from," said Kenshin. "Do you need them to come over here with a map and give you a history lecture?"

"No," said Kaoru. "I now know what you're talking about. Well, anyway, why did you buy that thing?"

"Because it's cool," said Kenshin.

"Where did you get the money to pay for it?" said Kaoru.

"I didn't buy it. I won it in a fight tournament."

"A fight tournament?" asked Kaoru with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "I won it in a fight tourament earlier today. I almost died several times, but I pulled through and won it. Man, is it fun to see a body rip through the air like a rag doll right after it gets blasted by the amakakeru ryu no hirameki."

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Well, dinners ready. Let's eat before it gets cold."

Kenshin and Kenji sat down at the table along with Kaoru and ate their dinner.

After they were done eating, Kenji helped Kaoru wash the dishes because it was his turn to. After they were done with that, Kenshin wanted to try the bayonet on his gun out on some logs in the back, but Kaoru felt that they should spend some quality time together as a family.

Kaoru felt that the house needed to be cleaned so she put Kenshin in charge of cleaning the house and Kenji in charge of cleaning out the dojo. (See, in a normal person's mind, "spending quality time together as a family" would consist of taking a walk, convesing about the day's events or playing some sort of board game. But in Kaoru's mind, "spending quality time together as a family" translates into chores and housework.) Kaoru's job then was the supervisor. All she did was go back and forth between the house and dojo to make sure that Kenshin and Kenji were doing their jobs correctly.

When Kenshin and Kenji were done cleaning their areas, it was nine o' clock at night.

"Damn it," said Kenshin as he was putting the rags away. "I didn't get a chance to try out the bayonet because Kaoru had to suck up all our free time with stupid chores. I'll have to try it tomorrow."

He then went down the hallway until he came across Kenji's room. He opened the door and went in.

Inside, Kenji was sitting on his futon reading Scruffy's offical autobiography.

"So, that's why he violates all the health codes in his bar," said Kenji to himself, who was unware of Kenshin's presence in the room.

"Kenji," said Kenshin.

"What," said Kenji as he looked up from his book.

"Our plan worked," said Kenshin. "Your mother doesn't suspect a thing."

"Well," said Kenji, "It's all thanks to you. You're one who made up that whole story about winning the gun from a fight tournament. I can't believe that she actually fell for it."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "I can't believe it either. Maybe all the toxic fumes from her cooking fryed her brain. Well, I'm going to bed."

He then left the room and shut the door.

"Excellent," said Kenji as he looked back down at his book. "I'm now up to the part in the book where it talks about how he got kidnapped by chain smoking vegetarian pirates last year."

When Kenshin walked into his room, Karou was nowhere to be found.

"Good," said Kenshin to himself. "She isn't here."

He then went into the closet and grabbed his musket. He then went up to the futon and got on it. He then put the musket next to him.

"Here you go," said Kenshin as put the musket under the covers. "You can sleep on my futon instead of sleeping in that uncormfortable closet."

He then laid down and put his head on the pillow.

Kaoru then came into the room and saw the musket on her side of the bed resting on her pillow.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru as went up to the futon. "What is this?"

Kenshin opened his eyes and sat up.

"I didn't want my gun to be in the closet while I slept," he said. "I felt that it would be better if it was in my bed while I slept."

"Did it ever occur to you that I also sleep in this bed too?" said Kaoru.

"Yes," said Kenshin. "But I figured that you would graciously give up your spot to it and sleep in Kenji's bed or something."

"Well," said Kaoru. "You thought wrong. I want to sleep here, so get that thing out of here."

"Don't call it 'that thing.' It's a Model 1816 Musket."

"I don't care what it is. I just want it out of my futon.

"Fine."

He then grabbed it and took it back to the closet.

"You do realize," said Kenshin as he got back on the futon, "You're not that good of a hostess."

"It's an inadament object," said Kaoru as she got on the futon. "It doesn't care where it spends the night."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "It may be just a Model 1816 Musket, but it does have feelings ."

"Oh, shut up," said Kaoru.

She then laid her head on the pillow.

The rest of week went pretty much the same. Then one night Kaoru woke up from sleeping.

"Woah," thought Kaoru. "I feel like I'm going to pee a frickin' river."

She made a hasty run over to the outhouse. After she was done, she came out of it and saw a group of men in the courtyard of the dojo. They saw her and started walking towards her. She turned around and ran into the dojo where she grabbed a bokken. They followed her inside and surrounded her.

"You're about to get your butts kicked by a girl," said Kaoru as she entered her stance witht the bokken. "Let's rock."

Just then one of the men pulled a sword from his sheath and slashed her bokken in half. The top part fell onto the floor.

"Oh crap," said Kaoru startled.

Then another man broke out a bottle of chloroform and a rag. He poured some on it and put the bottle back in his pocket. Then two others grabbed her and he put the rag over her mouth. She got drowzy and slumped over.

The man with the chloroform put her over his shoulder while another one wipped out out a piece of paper and and a pencil and wrote a note. After the note was finished, they all left quietly.

The next morning, Kenshin awoke totally oblivious to what just happened during the night. He got out of bed and got ready for breakfast. Then he walked into the kitchen, yawned, and sat down at the table.

"Something's not right," said Kenshin.

Then he thought for a minute.

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "The food's not here. What happened to Kaoru? Could it be that she finally got sick of me and Kenji and ran away? Nah, I never have that good of luck."

He then walked outside of the room to go find her.

"Hey dad," said Kenji as he came up to him. "What are you doing?"

"I have to go and find your mother," said Kenshin. "When I woke up, she wasn't on the futon."

"Maybe she ran away," said Kenji.

"Nah," said Kenshin. "I already pondered that thought. I figured that we don't have such good luck. Come on, you can help me look for her."

Kenji and Kenshin wondered through the hallway and outside into the yard.

"Hey dad," said Kenji as they were walking. "Shouldn't you have paid back the mob by now?"

"As I think about it," said Kenshin, "You're probably right."

"Okay," said Kenji, "But aren't you worried that they're going to do something to you because you havn't paid them back yet."

"No," said Kenshin. "They're the mob. What are they going to do?"

After a couple more minutes for searching, they stopped to think for a moment.

"Maybe she's in the dojo practicing for today's classes," said Kenji. "You know how obssessed she can be with the Kamiya Kasshin Style."

"Good idea," said Kenshin. "Let's go."

When they entered the dojo, they didn't find her.

"She's not here," said Kenshin. "Come on, let's go. Maybe she's in the shed."

Before they were about to walk out, Kenji noticed something on the ground.

"Hey, don't leave dad," said Kenji. "There's a note here."

He went over and picked it up.

It read:

Dear Kenshin:

Since you failed to pay us the money that we loaned you in the allowed time frame, we have kidnapped your wife. If you ever want to see her again, you must bring us the correct the amount you owe us to our headquarters.

Best wishes,

Outa "The Delicious" Inui

Yutarou "The Mortician" Arai

Gohei "The Abalone" Honjou

Koshijiro "The Bishop" Isurugi

Souji "The Mangler" Otowa

P.S.

Your house sucks.

"Dad!" said Kenji. "Mom has been kidnapped by the mob because you failed to pay them the money."

"Give me that!" yelled Kenshin.

He then ran over to Kenji and snatched the note from him.

He read it over.

"No!" he screamed. "Why did this have to happen?"

"Dad," said Kenji. "I'm just as upset as you are about mom being taken hostage by the mob, but we have to get over this emotional trauma and figure out what to do."

"I'm not upset about Kaoru being taken by the mob," said Kenshin. "I'm upset that they think our house sucks. Great! I now live in a crappy house."

"Forget the remark about our house," said Kenji. "What are we going to do about mom?"

"This is what we're going to do," said Kenshin. "Nothing."

"Nothing," said Kenji who was puzzled. "Why are we going to do that?"

"Think about it," said Kenshin. "When your mother is around, all we do is get yelled at, eat bad food, do chores, and, only common to me, engage in special activities with her."

"Yeah," said Kenji. "You're right. If we leave her with the mob, we're free."

"Exactly," said Kenshin. "We can now start living like real men."

"Yeah," said Kenji. "But we have to do something special."  
"Good thinking my dear Kenji," said Kenshin.

Then they sat on the dojo floor. After a minute Kenji farted.

Kenshin put his hand over his forehead.

Meanwhile back at the mob headquarters, Kaoru woke up. She was tied to a chair in one of the back rooms. Standing across from her was the mob boss.

"You're awake now," said Koshijiro.

Kaoru tried to move but soon realized she was tied to a chair.

"What's going on?" asked Kaoru.

"I'll tell you," said Koshijiro. "Your husband, Kenshin Himura, wanted to buy a

Model 1816 Musket from a gun shop. Since he didn't have the money though, he borrowed it from us. We gave him one week to pay us back double the amount, but he didn't so we took you for ransom."

"How did you find me?" asked Kaoru.

"We have our ways," said Koshijiro.

"And how much does he owe you?" asked Koarou annoyed.

"46,182.00 yen," said Koshijiro.

"Damn you Kenshin," said Kaoru.

"I almost forgot," said Koshijiro. "I didn't give you a proper introduction. I am Koshijiro 'The Bishop' Isurugi, the head of the Fuzzy Dice. We're a bakuto, or gambling group, that also does loansharking as you already know."

"What are going to do with me while I'm here?" asked Kaoru. "My guess is since I'm such a beautiful vixen you'll take advantage of me."

"Not exactly."

"Wait. Oh okay, you're one of _those _gangs."

"What? No. We're all straight. The reason why we won't fool around with you is because none of us find you attractive."

"What? That can't be true. I'm every man's fantasy."

"Yeah. A drug induced fantasy. Now listen. This is what we're going to do with you. We need you to take care of our headqaurters, it's a trash-hole."

"Oh goody," said Kaoru sarcastically. "I get to be a maid."

"Think of it as abode sanitation engineer," said Koshijiro. "Now I'll show you to your dudies."  
He went and untied her.

Back at the Kamiya dojo Kenshin and Kenji were living it up. They had a mud fight, ate fugu fish, took potshots at bottles, figured out what zero divided by zero was, proved that the world is an artificial reality known as the matrix, and mathematically showed that happiness decreases as the time you spend with women increases.

At the Fuzzy Dice headquaters, Koaru was dustng the rooms. After that they made her sweep and mop the floors. And after that they made her polish all their weapons. And while she did all these things she complained.

"You know guys," said Kaoru as she was polishing a sword. "You can help."

"We can't," said one of the men. "We're busy right now."

He pulled out a pistol and scratched his butt with it.

"Kenshin," thought Kaoru. "You better come and rescue me, or I'm going to kill you. And if you do rescue me I'm going to kill you anyway."

After two and a half hours, she got done with that. Then they put her on outhouse patrol. After that it was getting to be dinner time, so they sent her into the kitchen to make some food. After a half hour it was done so everbody came into eat.

She made onigiri (rice balls) with tuna in them.

They all dove in until they actually tasted them.

"This sucks," said one of the mobsters.

"I can't be believe it," said another. "A woman who can't cook. Ah! It's the apocalypse!"

"They're fine," shrieked Kaoru. "You guys are just a bunch of down and out losers. You don't have any taste which brings me to another point. You always dress like you're going to funerals. And what's this about gambling all day. You're just like my husband's stupid friend Sano. You guys really need to get some lives…"

They just all sat there and stared at her.

At the Kamiya dojo, Kenshin and and Kenji were trying to figure what to do for dinner too.

"We should do domething for dinner that Kaoru would never let us do," said Kenshin. "How about candy?"

"Yeah!" shouted Kenji.

"To the market," said Kenshin.

They went to the marketplace and bought all sorts of candy. When they got home they threw it all in a bowl and put it on the table. Then they sat down and gorged on it. After dinner they played practical jokes on people who walked by the dojo until somebody called the cops on them. Then they spent a few hours telling ghost stories until Kenji had an accident. That's when they called it quits and went to bed.

The next day they did pretty much the same things, except this time they did them with Sano.

Back at the mob headquaters, Karou was busy sweeping the floor.

"Where the hell is Kenshin?" she said to herself. "Don't tell me that he's going to leave me here to rot."

Just then, Souji walked past the door.

"Hey!" said Kaoru to him. "When you kidnapped me, I was in my sleeping clothes. Because of that, I don't have any breast tape. Can I get some? I don't like free boobin' when strangers are around."

"Let me ask Koshijiro," said Souji.

He then faced down the hallway.

"Hey Koshijiro!" he yelled as loud as he could. "Can the slave girl have some breast tape? She doesn't like free boobin' when strangers are around."

"Fine," yelled Koshijiro. "Go get her some. That way it'll be one last thing for her to complain about."

Souji then gave his attention to Kaoru.

"Okay," he said. "I'll get you your breast tape, but you owe me."

He then left to get her breast tape.

"These guys suck," said Kaoru. "I hope Kenshin gets here fast."

She then went back to sweeping the floor.

Kenshin, Sano, and Kenji were sitting outside in front of Kenshin's house playing cards.

Kenji was having a great time with Kaoru missing, but then he thought of something that concerned him.

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about this?" said Kenji. "Shouldn't we go rescue her?"

"Don't turn into a wimp ass on us," said Kenshin. "Besides, there's no rush."

"But aren't you worried that they're going to hurt her?" said Kenji.

"Hey," said Kenshin. "She's the assistant instructor of the Kamiya Kasshin style. She can take care of herself. If things get rough, she can fight them."

"But that's the point. She can't. She's proven that by getting kidnapped by the mob in the first place."

"Well, this will be good practice for her then. Besides, I doubt the mob will hurt her. They probably think that just stealing her is punishment enough for us."

"Yeah. But little do they know that stealing, in fact, was a reward for us."

Kenji then gave Kenshin a high five.

"Man," said Sano. "If Megumi was taken hostage by a mob, I would be there with both guns blazing to get her back."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "But that's because if she's taken away, you lose something. When Kaoru's taken away, you gain something."

"Want me to go get another sake bottle?" said Kenji.

"Sure," said Kenshin. "We're not liquored up enough."

Kenji then got off the ground and ran back inside the house.

"Yeah," said Sano. "Having Kaoru gone is pretty cool. I don't get screamed at for not doing stuff that I shouldn't have to do."

"Well," said Kenshin. "That always puzzled me. For example, I have no idea why Kaoru would yell at you for not cleaning our house when you don't even live here."

"She probably was too lazy to clean herself," said Sano, "So she wanted someone else to do the work."

"You're probably right," said Kenshin.

"Good," said Kaoru as she put the broom up against the wall. "I'm finally done sweeping."

Souji then came in with the breast tape.

"Here you go," he said as he gave it to her. "After you tape yourself down, you get to that thing you owe me. You get to wash all my clothes. Now hurry, the longer you wait, the harder it will be able to get the dirt and grime of off them."

"That's disgusting," said Kaoru.

"Hey," said Souji. "I didn't ask for your opinion. Now go!"

Kaoru then headed back to her room to put on the breast tape.

After she was finished, she washed all his clothes. During the entire time, she kept complaining about how filthy his clothes were. When she was done with that, she had to make them all dinner.

Koshijiro wanted yanagawa-nabe, so Kaoru had to make it or she would suffer dire consequences.

"I just don't get it," said Yutarou, who was sitting at the table with everyone else. "We already know she can't cook. Why do we still let her do it?"

"Because," said Outa, "Our cooking skills are just as good as hers. Probably less, as I now think about it."

"That's right," said Gohei. "Besides, we're just too lazy to do it anyway."

Kaoru came out with the bowl of food, stuck it on the table and sat down.

"Do you guys ever actually do any work around here?" said Kaoru. "All I see you guys do is boss me around and gamble."

"We do work," said Koshijiro. "We run gambling parlors around the city and loan money out to individuals. You should at least know about the loan part since your stupid husband borrowed money from us and didn't pay us back."

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Another thing I'd like to know is that before you stole me, who did all this work?"

"Nobody," said Gohei. "Before you came along, nobody really did any chores until they would get so out of control that our lives would actually depend on doing them."

Koshijiro took some of the yanagawa-nabe out of his bowl and plopped it on his plate.

"Hey," said Kaoru. "I didn't tell you about Kenshin and I's little adventure last week did I?"

"I don't like where this is going," whispered Yutarou to Souji.

"Uh no," said Koshijiro, "And why would you tell us? What makes you think we give a damn?"

"I wanted to tell my friends," said Kaoru, "But since you kidnapped me I can't do that, can I? So, instead, I'm going to tell you guys. Well, anyway, it was a hot summer day when Kenshin's hormones were raging. Kenshin usually doesn't like doing this, but this one particular day, he did. So, anywho, I was sitting on the futon brushing my hair, when he came into the room, knelt behind me and began fondling me…"

All five of the mobsters just looked at each other as Kaoru continued her spicy tale (in graphic detail).

After she was done, everybody just stared at her with their eyes wide open.

Then Gohei said, "Captain, we have reached gross factor five."

After dinner they made Kaoru do more mindless chores. She did so many of them that they just all kind of blended together. Then they made her go to bed.

Kaoru stayed awake because she wanted to escape. When midnight rolled around she figured they went to bed, so she quietly snuck up to the door and opened it softly. Then she tiptoed into the hallway. When she got to the kitchen, she saw Outa in it and he was muttering to himself.

"I just can't go to sleep," he said. "Maybe some sake will relax me."

Then he spotted Kaoru and pointed at her.

"Holy Kaoru's-trying-to-pull-a-fast-one-by-trying-to-escape-from-the-mob-headquarters-at-night-because-she-thinks-we're-all-sleeping-so-we-won't-notice," Outa blurted out. "So you're trying to escape."  
Kaoru threw up her hands.

"I guess I'm done," she said.

"You don't know how right you are," he said.

He went over and grabbed her. Then he escorted her back to her room and locked the door. She laid down on her futon.

"Kenshin," muttered Kaoru. "You're my only hope. Oh who am I kidding, I'm dead."

The next morning when Megumi was going to work, she noticed Kenshin, Kenji, and Sano hanging out in the Himura courtyard. She decided to go check it out. Kenshin was sitting under a tree with Sano and some sake and Kenji was hitting a chisel on the wall with a hammer.

"One, two, three…" counted Kenshin.

"What's going on?" asked Megumi as she came up to them. "Why aren't you doing any work?"

"Kaoru was taken for ransom by a mob a couple days ago because I didn't pay back a loan," said Kenshin.

"And you didn't get her back yet?" shouted Megumi.

"Nope," said Kenshin. "We were too distracted by not having Kaoru around."  
"You have to get her back," said Megumi.

"But this is too much fun," said Kenshin. "And I think Kaoru can take care of herself. She is the assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin style after all."

"Well, I don't think it's fair," said Megumi.

"What are you complaining about?" asked Kenshin. "You think she's annoying and bossy too."

"That's not the point," said Megumi. "Look at it this way Kenshin, you can have all the fun you want without Kaoru, but it's missing something. With her around there's the thrill of trying to sneak it past her, or doing it in front of her to piss her off. Isn't that more fun?"

"Yeah, that's true," said Kenshin.

"And how about doing chores. You're going to have to do them sometime," said Megumi. "And I mean all of them. When Kaoru was around, she did some of them so you had less to do."  
"I suppose," said Kenshin.

"Not to mention since she's not here, people might not think you're married. And then they'll come up with all kinds of weird reasons why," said Megumi.

"I guess," said Kenshin worryingly.

"Oh and one more thing," said Megumi. "With Kaoru gone, who's going to work and make the money?"

"Ah!" screamed Kenshin. "We must get her back at all costs!"

"Yeah," said Kenji. "Kaoru's useful after all. Who would of thought?"

"I'm in too," said Sano. "We need Kaoru…I think."

"Good," said Megumi.

Kenshin stood up.

"Come on everybody," said Kenshin. "This looks like a job for the A-Team."

"Yep," said Megumi. "The asshole team."

"Kenji, get Yahiko," said Kenshin. "Sano, get Notaro. We can use him to track her down."

"Got it," said Kenji.

"Right," said Sano.

Kenji and Sano ran off. When they came back Kenshin had a kimono with him. He walked over to Notaro and let him sniff it.

"This is one of Kaoru's kimonos," said Kenshin. "It hasn't been washed so it still has her scent on it. We'll let him pick it up so he can find it and lead us right to her."

"Okay Notaro," said Sano. "Now find Kaoru."

Notaro stiffed the ground and then barked.

"Looks like he's got it," said Kenji.

They took off. After a about a mile they came up to something in the middle of the road. Notaro went up to it and barked at it.

"That's not Kaoru," said Kenshin. "Or maybe it is? Wait; no it isn't."

"At least we know Kaoru smells like dog doo," said Sano.

"Maybe Kaoru's back at the mob headquarters," said Yahiko.

"We don't know that for sure," said Kenshin.

"Where else would they take her?" said Yahiko. "Margarita-Ville?"

"Let's move," said Kenshin.

They took off again.

Since nobody could remember where the mob headquarters was, Yahiko was forced to take them there again. When they arrived in front of the building, Kenshin hammered out the plan.

"Okay," said Kenshin to everyone. "This is the plan. Sano, you bust through the door because you're good at breaking stuff. Then we all swarm into the building find Kaoru as fast as possible while dispatching any enemies in our way."

"But I don't have a weapon," said Kenji. "I didn't bring anything because nobody told me that we were going to fight."

"Uh," said Kenshin trying to figure out what to do. "You can use this."

He took his sheath out of his belt and removed the sakabatou from it. He then gave the sheath to Kenji.

"I can't use this," said Kenji. "This is a sheath, not a weapon."

"Yes," said Kenshin. "But it can used as a weapon. In fact, it makes a very good weapon. It hurts a lot."

Then Kenshin remembered something.

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "I almost forgot. You're also in control of Notaro."

He gave Kenji the leash.

"What?" said Kenji. "Why do I have to be in charge…?"

"Now let's do this," said Kenshin.

Sano went over to the door and turned his hand into a fist while Kenshin, Kenji, and Yahiko got their weapons ready.

"It looks like Sano is going to use the futae no kiwami," said Yahiko. "But can he do it? Will the futae no kiwami work?"

Kenshin and Kenji stared at him.

"What?" said Yahiko. "Some one has to narrate this crap. Kaoru isn't here."

Sano then punched the door and it flew off the hinges into the building.

"Go!" yelled Kenshin.

Everyone, including Notaro, ran through the doorframe and into the room.

When they got inside, they found Kaoru tied to a chair with the five mobsters standing around her.

"Kenshin!" yelled Kaoru. "Save me! They tied me to this chair and were yelling at me about how annoying I am and how much my cooking sucks."

"It's true," said Outa. "She's the most annoying person we've ever met. All she did was complain about all the chores we gave her. She also made the most disgusting meals we've ever eaten. I'm amazed that any of us are still alive."

"She also has no shame," said Souji. "She told us the tale of how you banged her last week in excruciating detail."

Sano and Yahiko started laughing uncontrollably.

"What?" said Kenji who didn't understand the statement. "What's so funny?"

He then looked at Kenshin.

"Banged?" said Kenji. "What does he mean by how you "banged mom?"

"Kaoru!" said Kenshin. "How could you? You know I don't like other people knowing that I've slept with you."

"Well," said Kaoru. "That's pretty hard to hide considering the fact that Kenji exists."

"I'm confused," said Kenji to Kenshin. "What do I have to with you banging mom?"

"Listen," said Kenshin to Kaoru. "We'll deal with you and your big mouth later. Right now I just want to get out of here."

He then looked at Koshijiro.

"Give her back to us," he said, "Or we'll have to take her by force."

"You can just take her," said Koshijiro.

"What?" said Kenshin, Kenji, Sano, and Yahiko simultaneously.

"You heard us right," said Gohei. "She's so annoying and such a bad cook that we can't stand her anymore. Therefore, you can have her."

Yutarou went behind her chair and untied her.

Kaoru then leaped off the chair ran over to Kenshin.

"Hey," said Sano. "Doesn't Kenshin still have to pay you the money?'

"Nice going moron," said Kenshin. "I was hoping they'd forget."

"Yes," said Koshijiro. "As a matter of fact, you do. Either give us the money or we'll obliterate you all."

Kenshin, thinking fast, came up with a way to get out of this.

"Kaoru," said Kenshin, "Hit it."

"There was this one time," said Kaoru, "Where me and Kenshin came into our house from a rainstorm. Since we were both wet and cold, Kenshin suggested that we go to the bedroom to warm up. We started by undressing each other…"

"No!" yelled Yutarou. "Stop it. We don't want to hear anymore of your disgusting love tales. Forget the money. Just leave."

Everyone did exactly that. Kaoru, Kenshin, Kenji, Sano, Yahiko, and Notaro left the building and walked a couple feet down the road.

"I'm going to head home," said Sano. "Notaro's getting tired."

He took the leash from Kenji and walked away.

"Kenji," said Yahiko. "Want to go look at all the over-priced novelty items at the various shops?"

"Mom," said Kenji. "Can I go?"

"Sure," said Kaoru. "After all, you did come to save me from the mob."

"All right," said Kenji. "Let's go."

Yahiko and him ran off.

"It certainly took you long enough to come get me," said Kaoru. "But I'm just glad that you came. Those mobsters were driving me nuts."

"Well," said Kenshin. "You can thank Megumi for that because she's the one who got me and Kenji to come. She finally got us to realize that we needed you so we would have income."

"You and Kenji only came to save me because I make money for you guys?" said Kaoru. "I can't believe it. You don't care about me at all. I mean only yen signs to you."

She then started to cry.

"Oh no," said Kenshin. "Don't do that. Don't pull the guilt trip."

She put her hands over her face and continued to cry.

"Oh man," said Kenshin.

He put his arms around her and pulled her up against his chest. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Listen," whispered Kenshin into Kaoru's ear as he began to caress her back. "I'm not going to lie to you about how the idea of you making money for us rose Kenji and I to action, but I want you to know some other things. When Sano, Kenji, and I were playing cards outside a couple days ago, Kenji was concerned that the mob was going to hurt you. Also, I didn't like sleeping on the futon alone for those few days. Oh sure, I had more space, but at the cost of you though, and I'd rather have you. I also admit that when we came through that door and I saw you tied to that chair, I was both upset to see you like that and relieved to see that you were unharmed."

He then kissed her on the head.

"Let's go back home, so you can take a bath," said Kenshin. "You smell."

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Do you really mean all that stuff you said?"

"Of course," said Kenshin. "I meant everything I said, especially the part about you smelling."

"You're such an idiot," said Kaoru jokingly. "But seriously, a bath sounds nice. I haven't had one in a couple of days."

With his arm around her, they both walked home.

"Wow!" said Souji as he was standing in the doorframe watching Kenshin and Kaoru the entire time. "That was so beautiful and touching. I like it when there is a couple who cares so much about one another like that."

"Souji!" yelled Koshijiro from inside. "Get your ass back inside. We have to put in a new door."

"Geese, don't have a heart attack!" yelled Souji. "I'm coming!"

He then went back inside.

The End


	30. Episode 30

NOTARO'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE

Kenji and Yahiko were outside in the courtyard playing with Notaro. They were playing fetch with a squid chunk from lunch since Kaoru's cooking isn't for eating.

"Look at Notaro go," said Kenji as he threw the squid chunk.

"That's the first time I've seen somebody willingly go after your mom's food," said Yahiko.

Notaro picked the food off the ground and ran back to them.

"Careful Notaro," said Kenji. "You don't want to swallow that. It's not for eating."

"Let me throw it this time," said Yahiko.

Kenji gave him the piece and he threw it. Notaro ran after it again. While they were doing this, a stagecoach passed them on the road. Lord Yamagata was inside.

"I hope I make it back to my office to do some very important paperwork," he said. "Why did that stupid driver have to stop to buy that bucket of lard?"

Notaro brought the food back. This time Kenji tossed it and it flew over the courtyard wall. Notaro ran outside after it through the front gate. It landed on the edge of the road and he picked it up. Then he saw the stagecoach.

"I got to hock a loogie," said Lord Yamagata.

He opened the door and spit.

"That looks more fun than hanging out with those two dip wads who have creamed corn for brains," thought Notaro.

He ran up to the stagecoach and jumped inside. He landed on Lord Yamgata's lap.

"What in the hell?" said Lord Yamagata. "A chow chow and a squid chunk."

Back at the house Yahiko and Kenji were still waiting for Notaro to come back.

"I think he should of come back by now," said Yahiko.

"Not yet," said Kenji.

He waited a couple of seconds.

"Now he should of come back," said Kenji.

They ran out into the middle of the road. They looked up and down it but Notaro wasn't there.

"Where did he go?" said Yahiko.

"Maybe he time traveled," said Kenji. "Now the question is if he knew about all along or just learned it?"

Yahiko just gave him a stupid look.

"We better find him," said Yahiko. "Our asses are grass if we don't. And until we do we have to keep this a secret from everybody."

"Maybe we can find a substitute," said Kenji.

"Good thinking," said Yahiko.

They ran over to Sano's house and dug around until they found a brown blanket. They took it outside and then got it dirty. Then they went back into the house and threw it in the corner of the living room.

"I hear somebody coming," said Yahiko.

They ran out of the room and into the kitchen.

Sano walked into the living room and walked passed the blanket in the corner.

"Hey Notaro," said Sano. "Oh you're taking a nap. Well how could you sleep last night with all that action going on."  
He walked into the hallway.

Kenji and Yahiko came back into the living room.

"We better start looking for Notaro," said Yahiko. "Even Sano's going to catch on sooner or later."

They ran outside to look for him.

The stagecoach pulled up to the building. Notaro jumped out of it and took a leak. Then Lord Yamagata got out with the squid chunk.

"Why am I holding this?" he said.

He chucked it over the stagecoach. Then he went inside with Notaro close behind him.

"Lord Yamagata," said a man who was walking down the hallway the opposite direction of Lord Yamagata. "Why do you have a dog?"

"He followed me in here," said Yamagata as he kept walking.

"But you can't bring animals in here," said the man. "This is a government institution."

"I can do whatever the hell I want," said Yamagata. "I'm the founder of the modern Japanese army."

He then walked into his office with Notaro.

"His office kicks some serious ass," thought Notaro as he walked into it. "This sure beats the crap out my house."

Yamagata went behind his desk and sat down.

"I'm going to have to give you a name," said Yamagata to Notaro, who was sitting in front his desk looking at him. "I can't just keep calling you 'chow-chow.' People will think I'm stupid."

He thought about it for a little bit.

"I know," he said. "I'll call you 'Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half."

"Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half?" thought Notaro. "This guy is a retard. My old name Notaro was better than this stinking pile, and that name wasn't even that good."

"You can lay down and relax while I go through some paper work," said Yamagata. "When it's time to take one of my many daily breaks, I'll take you for a walk."

"Well," thought Notaro, "You may suck at naming things, but when it comes to fun, you know what you're talking about."

He then lay down in front of the desk.

Lord Yamagata continued to go through his papers.

"I can't believe that eighty-percent of the military's budget goes towards food and food related products," he said to himself. "Wow! You'd think our food would be much better than it is for that amount we spend on it. We have to be getting screwed somehow."

He was so busy with his work that Notaro thought that it would be a good time to go explore the building. He figured that this would be the only time he'd ever be here in his whole life, so he figured that he'd better milk it for all it's worth.

While Yamagata was looking at a sheet, Notaro quietly got up and left the room.

"I'm hungry," he thought as he was walking down the hallway. "I wonder if this place as any food. If it does, I hope that it's better than Kaoru's. Oh who am I kidding? Of course it does. Anybody's food is better than Kaoru's."

As he was about to walk past a door, he heard some voices coming from behind it.

"I think I'll eavesdrop, " he thought. "Since I'm a dog, there's no way that I can get in trouble for this."

He stopped beside the door and sat down.

"Remember," said Mr. Twinkie, "We're going to use our code names. That's why we came up with the idea. Now, on to business. The plan is almost ready. The last component left is how we're going to go about getting rid of him."

"We can hire somebody to take him out for us," said Mr. Hoho. "I was thinking of Zanza. He's supposed to be pretty good."

"Okay," said Mr. Ding Dong. "There are two things wrong with that. One, Zanza doesn't kill people. He just beats the living crap out of them. Second, he doesn't do that anymore. He got married to that female doctor and settled down."

"The really hot one who works with Dr. Genzai?" said Mr. Hoho. "Oh, what's her name? Megumi, that's it. How did he manage to bag her?"

"I have no idea," said Mr. Ding Dong. "But I heard…"

"Focus people," said Mr. Twinkie. "We all know that Megumi is incredibly hot and that the mystery of how Sano bagged her will never be solved. Now let's get back to the task at hand. What I suggest is that we somehow poison his food. That way, it will be almost impossible to trace back to us."

"That's an excellent plan," said Mr. Ding Dong. "But what kind of poison are we going to use and where are we going to get it from?"

"That's easy," said Mr. Twinkie. "We're going to use one that works fast. The sooner that he's dead the better off we'll be. Now as for obtaining it, we'll get it from some mob or something."

"What about Megumi?" said Mr. Hoho. "Since she has a vast medical knowledge, she has to know about poisons."

"Are you an idiot?" said Mr. Twinkie. "There's no way that she's going to give a group of Meiji politicians poison. Actually, I don't think she'd give anyone poison for that matter. So, like I said before, we'll get it from the mob or something. Meetings adjourned."

Notaro, acting quickly, just sat by the door. He knew that they would never suspect a dog of eavesdropping on them.

The door opened and the three men walked out. They saw Notaro sitting there and just stared at him.

"What the hell is a chow-chow doing in here?" said Mr. Twinkie.

They then all walked away from Notaro.

"I didn't like the sound of that," thought Notaro. "I better keep an eye on them. But for right now, I have to get back to Yamagata's office before he notices I'm gone. For if I don't, he'll go nuts and probably end up killing a bunch of people."

Notaro headed back to Yamagata's office.

When he walked in the door, Yamagata was still sitting at his office looking at some papers. He quietly went up to his desk and lay down in the exact same position that he was in previously.

Lord Yamagata then looked up from his work.

"I'm almost done," said Yamagata to Notaro. "When I am, I'll take you for that walk that I promised earlier."

After a few more moments, he was finished.

"Now," said Yamagata to Notaro. "Before I take you for a walk, I need to find a leash. I don't want you running away on me, even though I don't see any reason why you would."

"Think again you idiot," thought Notaro.

Lord Yamagata got off his desk and went out of the room. He went into a storage closet and found some rope. He brought it back to the room and tied it around Notaro's neck.

"There," said Yamagata after he finished tying the rope around Notaro. "That should be just as good as a regular leash.

"You idiot," thought Notaro. "Did it ever occur to you that this rope could give me rope burn or worse, possibly rub against my neck until my head comes off?"

Yamagata paused for a minute.

"Hmm," he said. "This rope could very well possibly create rope burn. I should try something else."

"Oh, thank Buddha," said Notaro. "The man does have a brain."

Yamagata went to his desk put some gloves on.

"Great," said Yamagata. "Rope burn is not a problem anymore."

"I should rip his throat out," thought Notaro, "But if I did, they'd know it was me, and then I'd be executed for assassinating a government politician. I'll just have to put up with him."

"Now let's get going," said Yamagata as he went back to Notaro and picked up the rope. "I have a meeting I have to get back to. Even though I feel that I shouldn't have to go, other people want me to. I call them assholes."

Notaro got off the ground and walked in front of Lord Yamagata as he held on to the rope.

Notaro and Lord Yamagata walked outside and continued into the marketplace. They went so far into the area that reached the local clinic.

Outside on the step was Megumi with Ayame and Suzume. They were eating their lunch. (They would have eaten it early, but around lunchtime Megumi and Dr. Genzai had to tend to some patients who came in).

As Notaro and Yamagata walked past the clinic, Notaro saw them on the step.

"Hey," thought Notaro. "There's those two annoying kids who add no value to anything and who always bother me. Also, there's that hot woman who lives with me. Now, what's her name again? Oh, yes, it's Megumi. Now, I don't mind her petting me or giving me tummy rubs."

"Look," said Ayame as she pointed towards Notaro. "Isn't that Notaro?'

"Yeah," said Suzume. "Notaro!"

"It can't be," said Megumi. "He's at home driving Sano nuts. Besides, why would he be with Lord Yamagata anyway?"

She then paused for a second and thought this over.

"Yeah," she said. "It's another chow-chow. The thought of Notaro and Lord Yamagta together is ridiculous."

Lord Yamagata and Notaro turned around and walked back to the office.

"All right boy," said Lord Yamagata. "You have to hang out here while I attend another mindless meeting where we won't accomplish a damn thing."

He took the rope off and put it on the desk. He left the room and closed the door behind him. He went down the hallway a little bit and then walked into another room. There was a group of men sitting around a table. Lord Yamagata went and sat down.

"I think everybody's here now," said another man. "Let's get started."

Another man got up.

"Thank you for hiring me to design the new uniforms for the Japanese army," said the man. "Here are the ideas I came up with."

He pulled out some sketches from his briefcase and showed them to the group.

"I thought some nice vibrant colors would be nice," said the man. "Nothing says 'let's defend Japan' like a nice bright green uniform with bright purple lines running down the sides."

Lord Yamagata put his face into his hands.

"This is so fruity," thought Lord Yamagata. "I wish I had Notaro's leash with me so I could hang myself."

After two hours of fashion design, the meeting was over. Lord Yamagata walked out of the room.

"There goes our budget, time, and resources, again," groaned Lord Yamagata.

He went back to his office where Notaro was sitting on the floor gnawing on an envelope.

"Come on boy," said Lord Yamagata. "Let's go home. I've had enough of the military being stupid, inefficient, and useless for one day."

He put the rope back on Notaro and took him back to his mansion for the night. The next morning they came back to the office. Lord Yamagata had more paper work and meetings to attend to. Then he had to solve the mystery of the missing war tactics book (some guy was reading it in the outhouse and left it there). When it was lunchtime he got Notaro and took him down to the cafeteria. He tied Notaro to the table he was going to sit at and went to get his food. After a few minutes he came back with a glob of something on his plate. He put it down on the table.

"Uh oh," said Lord Yamagata. "Nature calls. Notaro, guard my…uh…thing on the plate."

He left the cafeteria for the outhouse.

A couple tables down a group of men were looking at the table. Notaro saw them.

"Those are the people I heard yesterday," thought Notaro. "I better keep an eye out."

Mr. Hoho left the table with a napkin. He walked down the aisle and passed Lord Yamagata's table. He pulled an eyedropper from his sleeve and dropped some poison onto his food. Then he put it back in his sleeve. He walked over to the trashcan, threw the napkin in it, and walked back to his table. Lord Yamagata came back and sat down.

"Uh oh," thought Notaro. "The man that they were talking about assassinating was Lord Yamagata. This looks like a job for me, Notaro."

He jumped up on the table and squatted over Lord Yamagata's food.

"Bombs away," thought Notaro.

You can pretty much figure out what happened.

"Uh, Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half," said Lord Yamagata. "My lunch. Bad dog."

Notaro jumped off the table.

Lord Yamagata picked up the plate and dumped the food in the trashcan. Then he went to get a new plate and some more food.

"What the…?" said Mr. Twinkie.

"The dog's onto us," said Mr. Hoho.

"It's a chow chow," said Mr. Ding Dong. "It can't think. It was just an accident. Don't worry though; we'll get him another time. We're not beat yet."

Lord Yamagata came back and ate his lunch. After that, him and Notaro went back to the office.

"Why would they want to assassinate Lord Yamagata?" thought Notaro as he lay in front of the desk. "He can be annoying and stupid at times, but he's not that bad. There has to be a bigger reason than that, but what is it?"

Notaro lay there for a minute trying to figure what the reason could be.

"Screw this," he thought. "I'll go actually look for the answer. It sure beats staring at Yamagata doing paperwork and picking his nose."

Notaro did what he did the last time and left the room without Yamagata knowing.

He walked down the hallway and headed for the corner. When he turned around it, he saw one of the conspirators closing the door to his office. Notaro, acting quickly, dove into a conveniently placed closet to the side of him and hid behind the door. The man came around the corner and walked past the closet.

Notaro then stuck his head out of the door and made sure that he was gone.

"Good," thought Notaro. "He didn't see me."

He walked out of the closet and went back down the hallway around the corner. He then went up to the door that the guy was just at.

"I hope this is open," thought Notaro. "If it is, I can get in and snoop around for evidence."

He jumped on the door and grabbed the doorknob with his teeth. The door slowly opened and Notaro dropped to the ground.

"Yes!" he thought. "He forgot to lock it. How convenient."

Notaro then realized something.

"This is weird," he thought. "This convenience stuff has been happening a lot. How convenient."

He then walked inside.

"Cool!" he thought. "I'm like Scooby-Doo, but a hell of a lot cooler."

While inside, he immediately headed for the desk because he thought that that would be best place for evidence. He went up to the front of it, jumped up, and put his two front paws on the top. He then noticed a letter and began to read it:

Dear Mr. Ding Dong,

Lord Yamagata is the only thing that stands in our way of our great plan. We need to dispose of him in order to gain control of the Japanese military. With the entire military under our control we can slowly start removing all the civilians out of the country. We will use them to force all the construction companies in the country to start Japan's transformation into an amusement park. We will have a meeting after lunch on Monday, where we will discuss how to get rid of Yamagata.

Sincerely, Mr. Hoho

P.S.

After we have built the theme park, the military can serve as the amusement park's security.

"Those bastards!" thought Notaro. "I can't believe they want to turn the entire nation into an amusement park. I have to stop them."

He then grabbed the paper with his teeth and jumped off the table. He ran out the room and went back to Yamagata's office.

He then flew through the door and jumped up on to the desk like the last time.

"Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half!" said Yamagata. "What do you want? I'm trying to get some work done."

He then saw the piece of paper in Notaro's mouth.

"What's this?" said Yamagata.

He grabbed the paper from Notaro's mouth and began to read it.

"Where did you get this?" said Yamagata. "This is nothing but a scrap piece of paper with smears on it."

"What?" thought Notaro.

Yamagata then crumpled it up and threw it in the trash receptacle that was next to his desk.

Notaro got off the desk, went over to the trashcan, stuck his head in it, and pulled out the note. He set it on the ground and flattened it out.

"Damn it!" he thought. "He's right. There's nothing but smeared ink on here. While I was carrying it, I must have drooled all over it. The drool then must have smeared the writing. Now what am I going to do?"

He then went back in front of Lord Yamagata's desk and lay down on his stomach.

"I destroyed the only evidence I had," thought Notaro. "Because of that, I am the only one who knows about this. So because of that, it is up to me to save this great nation, that we call Japan, from certain doom. But first, I'll take a nap. Doing detective work and stopping conspiracies sure can make a dog tired."

He lay down on his side and closed his eyes.

Lord Yamagata worked until dinnertime. Then he just threw in the towel and went home with Notaro.

The next morning was terribly busy. Lord Yamagata had to go around collecting reports from some officials and it was a disaster. One guy lost his report and it turned up in his pants. Another guy wrote his report on toilet paper. There was the guy who used a couple of nose goblins to keep the pages of his report together. Then there was the guy who tried to write his whole report in blood. After a half hour of that crap, Lord Yamagata returned to his office to look them over. Since Notaro thought all this military mumbo jumbo was boring, he took off again to explore.

He walked around the building trying to sniff interesting things, taste interesting things, and keep an eye out for the conspirators. He walked by a staircase where some mud from a shoe was sitting on a step. He went up to it and smelled it. Then all of a sudden one of the conspirators got on the stairs from the floor below. He walked down them. Notaro decided to follow him. He followed him all the way to the basement. The man walked down the basement hallway for a while and then opened a door to a big storage room. He went in it and Notaro flew inside before the door closed. The man went over to two other men who were in the back while Notaro ducked under a shelf for cover.

"This calls for desperate measures," said Mr. Twinkie. "We can't let it go any longer."

"We're going to have to do him in ourselves," said Mr. Hoho.

"How are we going to do it?" asked Mr. Ding Dong.

"We'll need some black clothes and masks," said Mr. Twinkie. "And some swords. We have to be quiet about this."

"When though?" asked Mr. Hoho.

"Tonight," said Mr. Twinkie. "It will be the perfect opportunity. Lord Yamagata has to stay late tonight so there won't be anyone else in the building."

"Now how exactly does the plan go again?" asked Mr. Ding Dong.

"I'm only going to go over it one last time," said Mr. Twinkie. "Once we dispose of Lord Yamagata, the fourth member of our party, Mr. Zinger, will take over his position. Then he'll carry out our plans. And as you know he's not helping us get rid of him; it's like he has nothing to do with it. This way if we get caught; he won't get into any trouble. He'll be able to take over Lord Yamagata's position and carry out our plans without being suspected of anything. We can't fail because our plan is foolproof. Lord Yamagata will meet his maker for sure. This meeting is now over."

"Oh no!" thought Notaro. "This is the grand finale. The entire fate of Japan will be determined tonight. I can't let the country down."

The three men left the storage room. And once the coast was clear, Notaro left. The rest of the day went as usual. Then nightfall came.

"It's about 9:00 P.M.," said Lord Yamagata. "Don't worry Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half, I'm almost done."

Notaro sat by the desk ever vigilant. Then all of a sudden he heard something. He turned towards the door. Then he ran up to it and jumped on it while barking.

"What is it boy?" said Lord Yamagata.

He got out of his seat and rushed to the door. He opened it and looked into the hallway. He saw three men walking down it carrying swords and wearing all black and masks. Notaro jumped out into the hallway and Lord Yamagata followed.

"Holy chocolate coconuts," said Lord Yamagata. "Come on boy, let's get out of here."

They turned the opposite direction and ran.

"Blasted dog," said Mr. Hoho. "There goes our plan of cornering Lord Yamagata in his office."

The three of them ran after Lord Yamagata and Notaro.

After a few minutes of running Lord Yamagata stopped.

"I'm head of the military," said Lord Yamagata. "I should stand and fight."

Notaro turned towards the men chasing them and started growling.

The three men drew their swords and slowly approached them.

Now this should be the part where we show you the battle. However we're too lazy and who cares about some boring lousy fight anyway? So instead we're going to skip it and trail off into some ranting about novelty mailboxes. Just kidding…

"It's now or never," thought Notaro.

He lunged at Mr. Twinkie. He bit his pants leg and wouldn't let go. Mr. Twinkie jumped around trying to shake him off and eventually did. Notaro slid down the hallway like a hockey puck.

Mr. Hoho and Mr. Ding Dong attacked Lord Yamagata. Mr. Ding Dong swung his sword at Lord Yamagata but he jumped out of the way. Then Mr. Hoho jabbed Lord Yamagata in the stomach with the handle of the sword.

Notaro got back up and ran towards Mr. Twinkie, whom had his back turned. He jumped on him and knocked him over onto the ground. Then he jumped onto Mr. Ding Dong and bit his arm. He dropped his sword onto the ground.

"Time to die pooch," said Mr. Twinkie as he staggered back to his feet.

He raised his sword into the air.

"Looks like I'll have to do some armed combat," thought Notaro.

He picked the sword off the ground with his mouth. Then he ran over to Mr. Twinkie. Then they clashed swords for a while.

"I never knew that Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half was a skilled swordsdog," said Lord Yamagata. "But I better go over there and help anyway."

He started to run but Mr. Hoho slammed his sword into the wall right in front of him.

"You're not going anywhere," said Mr. Hoho.

"Except to your grave," said Mr. Ding Dong.

He then grabbed Lord Yamagata and tried to force him into the sword.

After a minute of resisting, Lord Yamagata quickly ducked under the blade. Mr. Ding Dong flew into it and cut himself. He then rushed over to Notaro and took the sword from him.

"Now it's my turn," said Lord Yamagata.

He took some swings at Mr. Twinkie.

Mr. Hoho took his sword out of the wall and turned towards Mr. Ding Dong.

"Sneak up behind him and belt him," said Mr. Hoho. "Then when he's dazed I'll cut him to ribbons."

"Got it," said Mr. Ding Dong.

A minute went by.

"Now," said Mr. Hoho.

Mr. Ding Dong made a beeline to Lord Yamagata.

Meanwhile Lord Yamagata was still fighting Mr. Twinkie. Mr. Twinkie flipped his sword over and jabbed it downward at Lord Yamagata. He turned out of the way and it pierced the floor and got stuck. Then Lord Yamagata flipped his sword to the reverse blade side (pulling a Kenshin) and whacked him in the stomach. He went flying over into the wall and fell over onto his side.

"Let's rock and/or roll," thought Notaro.

He ran like a blur in between Mr. Ding Dong's legs and barked. He stumbled and went right towards Lord Yamagata.

Lord Yamagata heard this and turned his head. Then he elbowed Mr. Ding Dong in the gut. He fell over onto his back.

"Damn," said Mr. Hoho.

Then he raised his sword and ran over to Lord Yamagata.

"It's time for my ultimate attack," thought Notaro. "Canine Flood from the Heavens!"

He lifted his back leg up and peed a puddle in the middle of the hallway.

Mr. Hoho didn't see it and ran right into it. He slipped and while he was tumbling to the ground, a packet flew out of his shirt.

All three of the men lay on the ground and groaned.

"I think were done," said Lord Yamagata.

Then he noticed the notebook.

"What's that?"

He went over and picked it up.

"Why this is a journal of all their plans," said Lord Yamagata astonished.

He read it for a little bit.

"No wonder Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half took a dump on my food, it was poisoned," said Lord Yamagata.

He turned towards Notaro.

"I'm sorry boy," said Lord Yamagata. "I had no idea that you made that steaming load to protect me."

He went back to reading it.

"Apparently these people work here and they wanted to kill me so they could turn Japan into an amusement park," said Lord Yamagata. "How devilish. I better go get the police. Watch these guys boy."

Then he ran off to get the police. A couple minutes later the whole building was surrounded with police officers and Chief Uramura and Commissioner Kawaji Toshiyoshi were at the helm.

"I found this journal at the scene. It explains their plan and has other important stuff in it too," said Lord Yamagata. "But there are four people listed in it but only three of them are here. And I don't think the names listed are their real ones."

He handed the journal over to Commissioner Kawaji.

"This will be great evidence," said Kawaji. "And don't worry about the names and the fourth guy. We'll interrogate them to fill in the gaps. Now about the dog Lord Yamagata, he really helped you uncover this conspiracy."

"Yep," said Lord Yamagata.

"Hmm," said Kawaji. "Maybe we could use it as evidence or a witness."

"Why don't you use me," said Lord Yamagata.

"That could work," said Kawaji. "Stop by the Police station tomorrow morning. And bring the dog just in case."

"May I ask where you got that dog?" asked Uramura.

"He jumped in my carriage on the way to work one day," said Lord Yamagata.

"Okay," said Uramura. "Because it looks like the dog Himura's stupid friend has. I think his name is Sano Sagara. Maybe that's where he came from."

"I'll stop by tomorrow morning and ask," said Lord Yamagata. "I need his address though."

"I'll have it ready when you stop by tomorrow," said Uramura.

Kawaji turned to his men.

"All right men, take these dirt bags out of here!" he shouted.

The officers escorted the three men down the stairs.

"We would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you Lord Yamagata and your lousy mutt," said Mr. Ding Dong.

"I'm a purebred, dumbass," thought Notaro.

The next morning after visiting the police station, Lord Yamagata stopped by the Sagara house with Notaro. He knocked on the door.

"What the hell do you want slime bag?" said Sano as he opened he door.

"Are you Sano Sagara?" asked Lord Yamagata.

"Oh crap," said Sano. "Uh, yes I am."

"Does this belong to you?" asked Lord Yamagata.

He picked up Notaro.

"That's where you were!" exclaimed Sano. "We've been looking all over for him for three days. When my wife got home from work one day, she pointed out that the brown blanket in the corner wasn't Notaro. She acted as if any moron could have figured it out."

He handed Notaro over to him.

"He had quite an adventure with me," said Lord Yamagata.

"Please come in," said Sano. "But hold on a second, I have to get some people. They're not going to believe Lord Yamagata's in my house."

Sano went and got Megumi, Kaoru, Kenji, Kenshin, and Yahiko and brought them back to his house. They all piled into the living room.

"So how did you get a hold of him?" asked Kaoru.

"Three days ago in the afternoon he popped into my carriage with a squid chuck while I was on my way to work," said Lord Yamagata.

"Thank you for taking care of him," said Megumi. "But I hope he didn't give you any trouble."

"Oh not at all," said Lord Yamagata. "In fact he helped me unravel a conspiracy. Four guys who worked in the military tried to kill me so they could turn Japan into an amusement park. They wanted to call it Japanland."

"That's horrible," said Kaoru.

"Those monsters," said Megumi.

"But thanks to him," said Lord Yamagata. "They were foiled. Three of them were arrested last night after trying to take me out. The fourth guy was arrested shortly after."

"I can't believe he did that," said Sano. "But I still have to take some credit too. After all I own him."

"Yes," said Lord Yamagata who gave him a stupid look.

"You said you found him three days ago?" asked Kaoru.

"That's right," said Lord Yamagata.

"I think Kenji and Yahiko we're playing with him around then," said Kaoru.

Then she turned towards them.

"Spill it," said Kaoru ferociously.

"Okay, Okay," said Yahiko. "We were playing fetch with him and he ran away."

"How were we supposed to know he had a mind of his own?" asked Kenji.

"I can't believe how careless you guys are," said Kaoru. "We let you play with him for one afternoon and you two loose him and he winds up in some weird ass military conspiracy. You two are done."

"I'm sure it was an accident," said Megumi.

"Actually Kaoru," said Kenshin. "We should be glad Kenji and Yahiko were irresponsible. If they weren't Lord Yamagata would have been probably six feet under by now and the country turned into a tacky amusement park with a retarded name."

"Then what's the moral of the story then?" asked Kaoru.

"There isn't any," said Kenshin. "It's just a bunch of stuff that happened."

"I should really get going," said Lord Yamagata. "I have to hire some new people who don't want me dead. But before I do I want to present this to you, boy."

He pulled out a medal from his pocket.

"This is for your bravery and courage," said Lord Yamagata.

He tied the medal around Notaro's neck.

"He upstaged dad!" shrieked Kenji, as he laughed.

"Maybe I'll contact him next time instead of Himura if I need help," said Lord Yamagata.

Kenshin just groaned.

Lord Yamagata got off the floor and walked towards the door.

"Goodbye all," said Lord Yamagata. "And once again, thank you Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half."

Notaro barked.

He left the house.

"Lord Piddles the Fifth and a Half!" shouted everyone at the same time.

The End


	31. Episode 31

THE MISEDUCATION OF KENJI HIMURA: PRELUDE TO AN INEPT AFFAIR

"Check this out!" yelled Yahiko to Kenji from a bookshop in the marketplace.

Kenji came up and looked at the history books with him.

"I wish I had enough money to buy President Abraham Lincoln's biography," said Yahiko. "He's my favorite American president."

"He's mine too," said Kenji.

"Kenji," said Yahiko, "You probably haven't heard of him until just now. You have no idea who is he or what he did."

"I too have heard of him," said Kenji.

"Okay, prove it," said Yahiko as he crossed his arms.

"Uh…" said Kenji. "He's the person who invented the light bulb and opened western trade with Japan."

"Wrong," said Yahiko. "The person who invented the light bulb was Thomas Edison and the person who opened western trade with Japan was Matthew Perry."

"The guy from 'Friends' opened up western trade with our country?" said Kenji.

Yahiko then put slapped his hand against his forehead.

After they were finished with the history section, they then moved onto the trashy romance novel section.

"Look at all these buff muscular guys on the covers of these romance novels," said Yahiko as they both looked at the covers of the books. "They have to be gay."

"Yeah, they are," said Kenji. "What's gay?"

"One of these days," said Yahiko, "We're going to sit down and have a long talk. It's time someone brought you in out of the dark."

After they were done looking at the trashy romance novels, they headed over to the fiction.

"Wow!" said Kenji as he took a book of the shelf. "It's the 'Book of the Moon'. I've been looking for a copy of this forever. I'm going to buy it."

"What is it?" said Yahiko.

"It's some magical book that talks about how when wolves find paradise, the world will end," said Kenji.

"Wow," said Yahiko sarcastically. "That sounds like a boat load of fun."

After they were done looking at the fiction books, they moved over to one of their favorite sections of all: the manga section.

"I love manga," said Kenji. "They have pictures and bubbles with words in them."

"Yeah," said Yahiko. "They are pretty cool. They're almost as good as history books."

All of a sudden, something caught his eye.

"What this?" he said as he picked up a manga book.

"What did you find?" said Kenji as came up to Yahiko and took the book away from him.

"Why is my dad and my mom on the cover?" said Kenji as he looked at it.

He then noticed some writing on it.

"'Rurouni Kenshin Volume 3'?" said Kenji. "Story and art by Nobuhiro Watsuki? What's going on?"

"I have no idea," said Yahiko. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"Hey," said Kenji as he noticed on more thing on the cover. "You can see my mom's cleavage."

Yahiko then took the book away from him and looked at it.

They both then just stood there and looked at each other.

"Aw!" screamed both of them simultaneously.

"Okay," said Yahiko. "That's it. We're now definitely going to get the hell out of here. Kenji, go buy your book and let's split."

Kenji went and paid for his book.

"I have to get that image out of my mind," said Yahiko as he and Kenji were walking down the road. "That was more of your mom then I needed to see."

"Just imagine how I feel," said Kenji. "I'm her own son. That increases the uncomfortable level by a million."

As they continued to walk down the road, Kenji saw something in the crowd that he never saw before.

"Who's that?" said Kenji as he starred at a girl from far away. "I've never seen her around here before."

"She must be new here," said Yahiko. "But why would you…"

He then realized what was going on here.

"Oh," said Yahiko sarcastically. "I get it now. It looks like someone's in love."

"Hey," said Kenji, "Don't make fun of me. You like Tsubame more than just a friend."

He then realized what he had just said.

"Oh, hell," said Kenji, "I just admitted that I like this girl."

"The Tsubame thing may be a little true," said Yahiko, "But right now, we're dealing with you. We're going to do something different. We're going to act like adults for once. Instead of us teasing each other about having crushes on girls, we're going to treat these feelings as natural human emotions that are important, special, and magical."

"Okay?" said Kenji.

"What I mean," said Yahiko, "Is that we're going to stop acting like babies when it comes to the concept of liking girls. If you really have that big of an interest in her, you should go and introduce yourself. If you want to attempt to start a relationship, this is how you begin the process. How you do think your dad met your mom and how Sano met Megumi?"

"But my mother and Megumi introduced themselves to my father and Sano (please refer to episode four). It was the other way around."

"Close enough. Somebody introduced himself or herself to somebody. Now hop to it. I don't have all eternity."

"But I don't know how to talk to or act towards females. I'll go over there and botch it up. I'll look like the biggest loser in the city."

"Okay. I can see how uncomfortable you are with this situation. Judging by this, I can tell that you are not ready to make contact with females yet. So, this is what we're going to do. We're going to go home and when you're ready to make contact, we'll come back and find her."

"That sounds like a reasonable plan. Okay, let's do that."

Kenji and Yahiko walked down the road back to their home. As it so happened to be, they walked in the direction of the girl. When they got close to her, Yahiko stepped behind Kenji and pushed him into her. Kenji hit her and they both fell to the ground. Then he got up as quickly as he could and helped the girl up.

"I'm so sorry," said Kenji. "But I didn't mean to that, my friend pushed me into you. I could have him annihilated with one flick of the wrist though."  
"That's quite all right," said the girl. "And thanks for helping me up."

"That's no problem," said Kenji shyly. "By the way I'm…uh… Hugh Dumas and this is my friend…uh…Oliver Clothesoff."

"That's not exactly right," said Yahiko. "I'm Yahiko Myojin and this is Kenji Himura."

"Nice to meet you," said the girl. "I'm Chizuru Raikoji. By the way Kenji, you're kind of cute. I better be on my way. Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

She skipped off.

"Nice going Hugh Dumas," said Yahiko. "But she thought you were cute."

"That's never happened before," said Kenji. "There's only one thing to do at a time like this: strut."  
"Well you're going solo," said Yahiko.

They walked back to the Himura house, while the whole time, Yahiko made sure to follow far behind him. When they got there Kenshin was outside washing the clothes and Kaoru was yelling at him.

"You're washing them too hard," yelled Kaoru. "Now you're not washing them hard enough. Now I don't know what the hell you're doing."

Kenshin started to whistle.

"Don't you whistle without my permission," shrieked Kaoru.

Then they noticed Kenji and Yahiko.

"Did you have fun?" asked Kaoru to Keniji and Yahiko as they walked past Kenshin.

"Yeah," said Kenji as he came up to her.

He showed her the book.

"What did I tell you about this pagan garbage?" said Kaoru. "It'll rot your brain."

"It's just a fad," said Kenshin. "You know how old fads come back. It's about time this one's due again."

"That's not all," said Yahiko. "We ran into a girl we never saw before. Her name was Chizuru Raikoji and she thought Kenji was cute. Now I better get home. My mom's making me chop big rocks into little rocks for some reason I'm not old enough to understand yet."

He turned around and walked back to his house.

"I'm going to go inside and put my new book away," said Kenji.

He went inside the dojo.

"Kenji's got a girlfriend!" shouted Kaoru ecstatically.

"What are you talking about?" said Kenshin. "He just met this girl. He probably just bumped into her and they both ended up having some awkward conversation."

She then went over to Kenshin.

"It's now time to give Kenji the 'talk,'" said Kaoru who completely ignored Kenshin's statement.

"Shouldn't Megumi do that," said Kenshin. "She's the medical professional around here. I don't know the details of what happens or even what the names of the parts that are involved are."

"Not that talk!" said Kaoru. "Kenji's still too young for that. I want you to give him the pre-sex talk. It's the one where you just talk about women in general and his feelings towards them. And I don't want you to put in your male biased remarks while you tell him this, okay? This could be the one chance he has at romance. I'm going to go tell Megumi now. This is the biggest thing since the life expectancy watch."

She quickly hurried off.

"I wonder where we should hold the wedding!" shouted Kaoru in the distance.

"This is going to be a waste of time," said Kenshin as he stood up, "But if I don't do this, Kaoru will have my head."

He walked into the house.

"Great," said Kenji to himself as he stared at his bookcase, which contained only the book that he had just bought. "Another classic added to my collection. I hope I can find time to read it."

Kenshin then walked into the room.

"It's time that we had a talk about women," he said as he grabbed Kenji by the shirt.

He then plopped Kenji on the ground and sat down in front of him.

"First off what's her name?" asked Kenshin.

"Chizuru Raikoji," said Kenji.

"Why does that name sound familiar?" asked Kenshin.

He paused for a minute and took a deep breath.

"Kenji," said Kenshin. "Women are a lot like glasses of sake. They look good and taste good; especially when they're icy cold, but too much is bad for you. Any of this getting through your head lad?"

"No," said Kenji with a blank look on his face.

"Basically what I'm trying to say kid is that don't get too involved with women," said Kenshin. "They're bad news. They could send your world crashing down in flames if you do."

"I don't think she's like that," said Kenji.

"All women aren't like that when you first meet them. They're attractive, nice, understanding, caring, and gentle, which is a disquse to lure us men in. Then when you get married to them everything flip-flops. They become annoying, nag all time, want to spend quality time together, and make you follow rules. You're life ends and you disappear forever."

"Maybe I lucked out and she's different."

"They're all the same. But I can't stop you, actually I can, but this can be a good learning experience for you. Spend some time with her to really get a feel for how they work. Just remember: there's a point where there's no turning back."

Kenji got off the floor and walked towards the door.

"Wait," said Kenshin.

Kenji turned around.

"May the Hiten Mitsurugi style be with you," said Kenshin.

Kenji nodded and walked out the door.

At the Sagara house Kaoru was talking to Megumi in the kitchen about the girl.

"Are you sure she's real?" asked Megumi. "She's not a figment of Kenji's imagination or something?"

"For the last time yes," said Kaoru annoyed.

"This is so exciting," said Megumi. "I wonder if they'll have a boy or a girl. Maybe they'll have more than one."

"And I'll get to be a grandmother," said Kaoru. "I can teach them the Kamiya Kasshin style, tell them stories, and show them how to cook."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," said Megumi. "First someone has to show you how to cook."

Then she laughed.

"Take that back you demented fox," said Kaoru angrily.

Just then Sano walked in the door with Notaro.

"Why is the other wife here?" asked Sano.

"I just came over to tell Megumi that Kenji has a girlfriend," said Kaoru.

Sano just stood there for a second.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he asked.

"It's a good thing you lug nut," blurted out Megumi.

"Oh, okay," he said.

He left the kitchen with Notaro.

Kaoru and Megumi went right back to talking.

Back at Kenshin's house, Kenshin was outside finishing the laundry.

"Well," he said to himself, "My little talk with Kenji seemed to go well…for now."

Sano then came into the yard with Notaro.

"Hey," said Sano as he and Notaro came up to him. "You do know that Kaoru's over at my house right now talking with Megumi?"

"Yeah," said Kenshin.

"Kenji really doesn't have a girlfriend does he?" said Sano.

"Of course not," said Kenshin. "Kenji just ran into this girl at the marketplace and Kaoru's blowing it way out of proportion. I sure hope that Megumi can inject her with a dose of reality."

"Fat chance. Megumi was doing the same thing as Kaoru. When I left, they both were discussing what kind of kids that Kenji and this girl were going to have."

"Oh Buda," said Kenshin as he covered his face with his hands.

"What's her name anyway?" said Sano. "Kaoru never mentioned it."

"That's because she doesn't know it," said Kenshin. "I don't even know her name. I doubt even Kenji knows."

"Well," said Sano. "I have to go take Notaro for a walk. If I promise him one, but don't deliver, he pees on me while I sleep. I'll see you later."

He then left with Notaro.

After an hour, Kaoru finally left the Sagara's house. She walked into her yard and up into the house. Inside, she found Kenshin and Kenji sitting at the table playing cards.

"I think I'll start dinner," said Kaoru as she headed for the kitchen.

"You think?" said Kenshin. "It's after six o'clock."

"Oh pipe down," said Kaoru as she left the room. "You'll get fed."

"Actually," said Kenshin, "As I now think about it, I would have rather had her sit at Sano's house for the rest of the night. That way, we wouldn't have to get fed."

"I agree," said Kenji.

They continued to play cards till Kaoru was done cooking.

After dinner, they all actually did a fun activity for once. Kenshin and Kenji decided to spar in the dojo, while Kaoru volunteered to be the referee. This whole ordeal pretty much lasted for the rest of the night. When it reached ten o' clock, it was time for everyone to go to bed.

Kenji, Kenshin and Kaoru headed straight to their rooms and changed into their sleeping clothes. After Kenji was done getting dressed, Kenshin opened up his door.

"Hey," yelled Kenji as he was pulling the blanket back. "Don't you people know how to knock?"

"Never mind that," said Kenshin. "I just came in here to remind you not to forget what I told you earlier today. I don't want you to make a mistake and then regret it for the rest of your life."

"I remember," said Kenji. "Now leave."

"Good," said Kenshin. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He shut the door and went to his room.

"Good," said Kenji. "I can now finally…"

The door then opened again and Kaoru was standing there.

"Now," said Kenji, "What do you want? I'm trying to go to sleep here."

"I'm sorry to disturb you," said Kaoru. "But I just wanted to make sure that Kenshin gave you the talk about women today."

"Yeah, he did," said Kenji.

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Did he put any biased male remarks in it? You know, stuff like how women lure you in by being nice and polite and then after you get married, they become mean and rude."

"Oh no!" thought Kenji. "Dad did exactly that. What do I do?"

He thought about it for a few seconds.

"I know what I must do," thought Kenji. "I don't like it, but I have to. It's my duty as an honorable son."

"No," said Kenji. "He did not. He was very fair and unbiased when he gave me the talk."

"Well," said Kaoru, "That's good. I'll see you tomorrow. And remember, if you have any questions, you can come talk to me."

"Okay," said Kenji very annoyed. "I get the picture. Now just let me go to bed."

Kaoru then closed the door and headed for her room.

"I didn't like lying to mom," said Kenji to himself as he climbed onto the futon and pulled the blanket over him, "But I had to protect dad. He's the only one who makes any sense in this house."

"I don't believe him," said Kaoru as she walked to her room. "There's no way that Kenshin could've kept his stupid biased opinions out of that conversation. It was too good of an opportunity."

Kaoru walked into the room, went over to the futon, lifted the blanket up, and sat under it next to Kenshin.

"As I now think about it," said Kenshin, "I like this whole 'Kenji being interested in a girl' thing. It proves that he isn't gay."

"You actually contemplated the idea that Kenji was gay?" said Kaoru.

"Well," said Kenshin. "You never know."

"You are such an asshole," said Kaoru.

The next day the Himura family had their crappy breakfast like usual. Than like normal, Kaoru had to prepare for the classes that she was going to teach for that day. Kenji didn't want to hang around the house anymore because it was boring, so he got off his lazy butt and went to Yahiko's.

When he arrived at his house, he just walked in the door and went straight to his room because he knew that his parents didn't care if he just entered their home without permission.

"Hey," said Kenji when he walked in the door, "What to find something to do? I'm already bored."

"You must have the attention span of a goldfish," said Yahiko as he was sitting on his futon. "It's only eight o' clock in the morning. Well, whatever. Sure. We'll…"

He then began to think about what happened yesterday between Kenji and Chizuru. He then had an idea. This was the perfect opportunity to mess with Kenji's mind.

"Listen," said Yahiko. "Before we go out and have big fun. I want to talk to you first. Come and sit down."

Kenji went and sat down on the futon with Yahiko.

"Okay," said Kenji. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about you and Chizuru," said Yahiko.

"Oh no," said Kenji. "I had to suffer through this garbage from my parents yesterday. I'm sick hearing about this."

"No," said Yahiko. "This is different. This is important stuff that you need to know. For without it, you and Chizuru can never be together."

"Fine," said Kenji as he sighed. "Shoot."

Yahiko went on his little spiel that he just came up with a few moments ago. This lecture went on for a good twenty minutes.

"Okay," said Kenji. "That makes sense. I wonder why nobody ever told me this before."

"I have no idea," said Yahiko. "I guess everyone just forgot or they were just stupid. Now come on. Let's head into the woods. There's a real big mud pit near the river that we can play in."

They both headed off for the woods where the glorious mud pit awaited them.

After a few hours of making mud angles, making mud castles, and throwing the mud at each other, they were finished. Fully knowing that their parents would be pissed off at them for getting dirty, they decided to avoid the yelling and screaming by cleaning off in the river before they went home.

A little before noon, Kenji made his way back home because it was time for lunch, or better yet, something that should be lunch, but really isn't.

"Hey," said Kenji as he came into the room, "What are we having for lunch?"

"Why are you all muddy?" said Kaoru as she was sitting at the table.

Kenji looked down at his shirt.

"Damn it!" he thought as he stared at all the pale mud stains on his clothes. "I guess I didn't clean my clothes as good as I thought."

"I'm waiting," said Kaoru.

"Uh…" said Kenji. "I accidentally tripped and fell into a mud puddle."

"Nice try," said Kaoru. "Let me guess, you were playing in a mud pit, right?"

"Yes," said Kenji.

"Just come to the table and eat your lunch," said Kaoru. "We'll discuss this later today."

"I don't know what the big deal is," said Kenshin as Kenji came to the table and sat down. "It's just a mud pit."

"It's just not a mud pit," said Kaoru. "It's a filthy disgusting place that has germs and ruins your clothes."

"But they're fun," said Kenshin.

"Of course you'd think so," said Kaoru.

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Kenshin.

"Come on," snapped Kaoru. "When it comes to fun, you don't exactly have the most sophisticated taste."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "Don't knock it until you've tried it."

"Oh, that'll be the day," said Kaoru.

"Mom, dad," said Kenji. "When I was at Yahiko's house, he told me that I'm supposed to make sweet love to Chizuru. How do I do that? He never told me and I forgot to ask. I got distracted when he explained how that when in a relationship, the woman should do all the work and the man should be the boss."

Kenshin and Kaoru just stared at him with complete shock.

"Uh…" said Kaoru. "Now you said that Yahiko told you this stuff, right?"

"Yeah," said Kenji.

"Kenji," said Kaoru. "Whatever Yahiko says about relationships and girls is wrong. Do not, under any circumstances, believe anything he says. He has no clue what he's talking about. He knows as much about the concept of 'love' as you do."

"I guess that makes sense," said Kenji. "Look at his relationship with Tsubame. For the past few months, it's gone absolutely nowhere. As far as I know, there isn't even a relationship between them. Thanks. Well, I'm finished eating. I'm going to go put on some new clothes."

He got off the ground and left for his room.

"Remind me to kill Yahiko," said Kaoru, "The next time that I see him."

She then took a sip of sake.

"Hey," said Kenshin. "I like how Yahiko thinks. Not about the making love part, but about how the woman should do all the work and how the man should be the boss."

"This is serious," said Kaoru. "I don't want Yahiko telling Kenji about "sexual intercourse" and other related topics. He's not old enough yet. Actually, Yahiko shouldn't even know about this stuff either. He's the same age as Kenji."

"I agree," said Kenshin. "Kenji should not be hearing that stuff from his friend. He should be hearing about it from Megumi. She has the most medical knowledge out of everyone in this city, except for Dr. Genzai. Wait, no, take that back. She has the most medical knowledge out of anybody in the city."

"No," said Kaoru. "When Kenji gets older, we're supposed to sit down and give him the talk together. We're his parents, that's our job."

"Geez," said Kenshin. "Instead of lecturing to him about it, let's just cut right to the chase and give him a demonstration, why don't we."

Kaoru just sat there and didn't say anything.

"What," said Kenshin. "No comment?"

"Considering it's _you_ who said it," said Kaoru. "I know you didn't really mean it."

"I think I've finally made my point nice and clear," said Kenshin. "Even you get it now."

Kenji came back with his new clean clothes.

"You know Kenji," said Kaoru. "Maybe you should spend some time with this girls of yours."

"These things take time," said Kenshin. "If you rush it now, you could blow it."

"But if you don't anything at all, you could blow it," said Kaoru.

"Well, if you're going to blow it either way, then don't do anything at all," said Kenshin. "It's easier."

"But if you do something and blow it, at least you can say you tried," said Kaoru.

"Well, if you don't do anything," said Kenshin. "You'll look smarter and save time because you knew better than to waste any time doing something that wouldn't do anything."

"So what you're saying is that I should do something?" asked Kenji.

"Yes," said Kaoru.

"Okay," said Kenji. "I don't want to screw this up. She seems all right."

Just then they heard a knock. Kaoru went over to the front door and opened it.

"Hello," said Megumi. "I just stopped by to see how Kenji's doing with his girlfriend."

"I just told him to go spend some time with her," said Kaoru.

"Oh, goody" said Megumi as she clapped. "Mind if I have a word with him?"

"Not at all," said Kaoru. "Come in. He's in the house somewhere."

Megumi went into the house and tried to find Kenji. After a few minutes of looking she found him in the hallway.

"Hey Kenji," said Megumi as she walked up to him. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Uh, sure," said Kenji,

She went over to him and picked him by the shirt.

"Listen boy," said Megumi ferociously. "You better not be one of those husbands that makes the wife stay at home, take care of the house, and watch the kids. We have the right to work just like you do. We're not your slaves; we can do anything we want, got it? If I find out you've been bossing that poor girl around, I'll destroy you. I'm a doctor so I know how to take lives just like I know how to save them."

"Ah!" screamed Kenji.

"Don't scare the kid," said Kenshin as he walked passed the hallway.

She put him down.

"I better be off," said Megumi sweetly. "Now have fun with your girlfriend."

She left.

After a minute of trying to calm himself down, Kenji decided to go look for Chizuru. He went to the marketplace because a lot of people went there, so it would be his best shot.

"How am I ever going to find her?" thought Kenji. "Maybe I'll never see her again. If that happens Kaoru and Megumi will scold me for the rest of my life or worse, they'll make me search for her until the end of time. I have to find her now!"

He spent two hours trying to find her but to no avail.

"I checked everywhere," thought Kenji. "Where could she be?"

Then he thought for a moment.

"The only place left is the Hadouken," he said, "But why would she go there? It doesn't matter, it can't hurt."

He trekked on over to the bar. Once inside he looked around and saw her sitting at the bar.

He went up to her and sat next to her.

"Hey," said Kenji.

She turned towards him.

"Oh it's you," said Chizuru. "It's Kenji, isn't it?"

"Yep," said Kenji. "Uh…why are you in this hellhole?"

"She came in for some water," said Scruffy. "I didn't know we had any until she asked."

He went back to whatever it was he was doing.

"Oh," said Kenji.

"So," said Chizuru. "What have you been up to lately?"

"Nothing much," said Kenji. "You know the usual: mapping out military strategies, watching rood rot, and staying up past my bedtime."

"Hmm," said Chizuru.

"Listen," said Kenji nervously. "I was looking for you because I wanted to ask you something."

"What?" asked Chizuru.

"I was just wondering if you'd…uh…like to…uh…spend some…uh…time with me?" asked Kenji.

"Like a date?" asked Chizuru.

"No not like that," said Kenji still nervous. "Well maybe…kind of…close to but not exactly…dead on."

"I'd love to," said Chizuru.

"Wow, I went through this a million times in my head, and you said no in most of them," said Kenji.

"So," said Chizuru, "Where are we going to go? If we're going on a date, we have to go somewhere."

"Uh," said Kenji in shock. "I never thought of a place. I was too busy focusing on asking you out that I completely ignored where we were going to go. Uh…how about the Akabeko? They have pretty good food."

"Sure," said Chizuru. "I've never been there before, and I always like to try new places."

"I was also thinking," said Kenji, "That we could make this a double date. The other couple would be Yahiko, the kid who pushed me into you yesterday, and Tsubame, a waitress at the Akabeko itself."

"I like that idea," said Chizuru. "Since I just moved here, I really don't know anybody, so this would be a great way to meet some other people."

"Okay," said Kenji. "How about this Saturday? Would that time work for you?

"That'll work," said Chizuru. "I'm not doing anything that day."

"Excellent," said Kenji excited. "I'll pick you up at 6:00 pm. By the way, where do you live? I probably should have asked that earlier."

Chizuru gave him the directions to her house.

"Great," said Kenji. "I'll see you Saturday."

"Me too," said Chizuru. "I'm really looking forward to it."

Kenji got up and left the bar.

"Now," said Kenji as he stepped outside the bar and closed the door behind him, "I must go home and prepare for this date. My entire future with her is riding on this one evening. I cannot fail."

He then made a mad dash for home.

To be continued…


	32. Episode 32

THE MISEDUCATION OF KENJI HIMURA: FINALE TO AN INEPT AFFAIR

On his way home, he decided to go inform Yahiko of the impending doom. He walked into Yahiko's yard. He spotted him outside hanging clothes on the line.

"You're turning out to be one fine woman," said Kenji as he walked up to him.

Yahiko turned around and punched him in the arm.

"Ah," said Kenji as he rubbed it.

"Anything else you want to say?" asked Yahiko as he raised his arm and put his hand into a fist.

"Yeah," said Kenji. "I went to see Chizuru at the Hadouken before I came over, and we're doing a double date with you and Tsubame next Saturday. The place is the Akabeko and the time is 6:00 pm."

Yahiko punched him in the arm.

"Ow," said Kenji as he rubbed it again.

"The point of this was for you to find a girl and do stuff with her," said Yahiko. "Nowhere in the equation was the Yahiko variable."

"Hey, I need backup," said Kenji.

"All right," said Yahiko. "But as soon at the opportunity arises, I will abandon you for dead."

"That's a chance I'm willing to take," said Kenji. "Now if you excuse me, I have to go home."

"Get lost you dimwit," said Yahiko.

Kenji walked home to tell Kenshin and Kaoru what happened.

Kenshin was outside on the porch sweeping when he noticed Kenji off in the distance. He opened the door and shouted to Kaoru.

"He's back!" he yelled.

"Oh my Buddha!" yelled Kaoru back. "I have to get Sano and Megumi for this!"

She flew outside the front door and knocked Kenshin over. A few seconds later the three of them returned home.

Kenji reached the house and walked inside.

"Mom, dad, I'm home!" yelled Kenji.

He walked into the living room where they were just standing around.

"Okay Kenji, tell us what happened," said Kaoru.

"Uh…why are Sano and Megumi here?" asked Kenji.

"Just tell us!" harped Kaoru.

"All right, all right," said Kenji. "I asked her out and she said yes. Next Saturday we're going to the Akabeko at 6:00 pm with Yahiko and Tsubame."

Megumi and Kaoru started jumping up and down and cheering. Then they hugged each other and then Kenji. Sano and Kenshin just looked at each other all the while.

Megumi turned to Sano and Kenshin.

"Cheer," she said hauntingly.

"Oh yeah, good job," said Sano as he shook his hand.

"Way to go Kenji," said Kenshin as he patted him on the shoulder.

"We have so much to do and so little time," said Kaoru.

"That's why you'll need my help," said Megumi. "Not to mention other obvious reasons why."

She started to snicker.

"Not now Megumi," said Kaoru.

Kenji gulped.

They went over to him and escorted him out of the living room.

"What do we do?" asked Sano. "As annoying as he is we have to save him."

"I don't know if we can," said Kenshin as he shook his head. "I just don't know."

"Okay," said Kaoru to Kenji as they were all walking down the hallway towards his room, "This is what were going to do…"

"But," said Kenji, "My date with her is not for another four days. Isn't it is a little early to start preparing for this?"

"Of course not," said Kaoru. "Your date this Saturday is the most important thing in your life thus far. You have to start preparing now if you want to be successful."

"Okay," said Kenji. "Well, do you know what you're doing?"

"I know I am," said Megumi, "But I don't know about Kaoru."

Kaoru just gave Megumi a mean look, but didn't say anything.

They all finally made it to his room.

"We're going to go inside you room," said Megumi as she opened the door, "And we're going to have a little talk about dating."

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "When we're done with you, you're going to be the most adorable, polite ladies man that this city has ever seen."

Kenji then gulped.

"Come on now," said Megumi as she pushed Kenji into his room. "We have a lot of material to get through."

Kaoru and Megumi followed Kenji into the room and shut the door.

"Okay," said Sano while he was poking his head around the corner towards Kenji's room. "Why are we going to rescue Kenji again?"

"Because," said Kenshin agitated, "Kaoru and Megumi are going to teach Kenji how to be a success on his date. Knowing them, they'll probably succeed. There's no way that those two women are going to mess this up."

"Why don't we want him to have a successful first date?" said Sano.

"Because," said Kenshin, who was still agitated, "If Kenji is successful on his date, that girl will continue to see him. Then they will form a steady relationship. Then, worst of all, they will get married. We must stop that from happening. I'm not going to let Kenji ruin his life. We have to stop him from making the same mistake that we did."

"Okay," said Sano. "I remember now. But how are we going to do it though?"

"Sano," said Kenshin, who was really angry now. "In your head is there a black hole where your brain is supposed to be? Because it seems every time I tell you something, it just goes into your ear and gets sucked into oblivion and disappears forever. Listen, I'm going to repeat this only once. We are going to head into the room and bum rush the women. Then, we grab Kenji and run for our lives."

"Got it," said Sano. "Oh, one more question. When are we going to do this?"

"Right now," said Kenshin. "On the count of three. One…two…three. Go!"

Both Sano and Kenshin ran down the hallway towards Kenji's room. When they got to the door, Sano opened it. Inside they found the most horrifying thing. Kaoru, Megumi and Kenji were sitting on the floor talking.

"The key to making your date successful," said Megumi, "Is to make good conversation. Communication is a key point in starting a good relationship."

"No!" screamed Kenshin.

He, and then Sano, dove into the room and grabbed Kenji's shirt.

"What do you think you're doing?" said Kaoru. "We're giving him valuable advice."

"No," said Kenshin. "We're here to stop you from making Kenji so successful that he ends up marrying her. We'll be damned if we'll let that happen to him."

"Yeah," said Sano. "We don't want him to make the same mistake that we made."

"What did you say!" yelled Megumi as her face turned bright red.

"Now's the time," said Kenshin. "Let's split before we get injured or possibly killed."

"No," said Kenji. "I want to stay here and learn more. I really do want to make a good impression on Chizuru. She's that important to me."

"What?" said Kenshin. "This can't be."

He then looked at Sano.

"Great," said Kenshin. "Kaoru and Megumi have completely brainwashed him. Not only do we have to steal him, but we have to un-brainwash him as well."

"Forget it," said Sano. "Once a man goes to the dark side, he can never return. It's over. We've failed."

"Why?" yelled Kenshin as he knelt down on the ground and put his head into his hands.

"Excuse me," said Kaoru. "Could you two please leave? We're busy here."

"Fine," said Sano. "You've won the battle already. Might as well let you win the war too."

He then grabbed Kenshin, hoisted him up, and dragged him out of the room.

"Good," said Kaoru. "They're gone. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Megumi just started talking about how to converse properly. After that, I will dive into the concept of manners and politeness."

"You better leave that one to me too," said Megumi, "Because you don't know anything about those either."

"Watch it," said Kaoru. "One more smart-ass remark from you, and you're not going to be able to have your "special" time with Sanosuke for awhile."

"Fine," said Megumi, as she was twirling the end of her hair. "I'll stop making cheap shots at you. Now, let's just get back to the mission at hand."

After an hour of giving Kenji successful dating tips, they were finished. Megumi, Kaoru and Kenji left the room and went to find Kenshin and Sano. They all went outside and found Kenshin and Sano sitting on the porch.

"You!" shouted Megumi as she pointed at Sano, who was sitting on the step. "I want a word with you.

"What did I do?" asked Sano.

"Don't be stupid," said Megumi. "You know what you did. You made that remark about how marrying me was a mistake. Now, get off that stoop and march back to the house."

"But…" said Sano.

"Move it!" shouted Megumi.

Sano got off the stoop and marched out the front gate with his head lowered. Megumi followed right behind him.

"Kenji," said Kaoru. "Could you go chop some firewood? We're running low."

"Sure," said Kenji. "It's only fair because you gave me all kinds of advice and guidance when you didn't have to."

He then left to find the axe and fulfill Kaoru's wish.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru as she walked over to him and sat down next to him. "Why did you say you wanted to stop Kenji from being successful with Chizuru? That other day, you said that you were happy that he had a crush on a girl."

"Yeah," said Kenshin, "Because it showed that he wasn't gay. That's all I wanted from him. Getting involved with a girl only leads to trouble."

"So," said Kaoru, "What you're saying is that you want him to like girls, just so long as he doesn't get involved with them."

"Exactly," said Kenshin as he crossed his arms. "Liking girls proves that he's straight, but not getting involved with them keeps him from ruining his life. In the end, he wins."

"That's one of the dumbest things that you've ever said," said Kaoru. "There's absolutely no proof or fact to that whatsoever."

Throughout the rest of the week, Kaoru and Megumi harassed Kenji about his date everyday and continuously gave him advice and guidance. Sano and Kenshin knew that the date was inevitable no matter what they did, so they just prayed that it wouldn't work out. That was their last resort.

On the evening of the date, Kaoru and Megumi were going ballistic.

"Kenji!" yelled Kaoru from behind Kenji's door. "Hurry up! You're going to be late!"

"Yeah!" yelled Megumi. "You don't want to start your date off on a bad start."

"I'm coming," yelled Kenji through the door. "Don't have a stroke!"

He then opened the door and walked out.

"Oh my!" grasped Kaoru as she saw Kenji. "You look so handsome."

"Mom," whined Kenji as he rolled his eyes.

"Now remember," said Megumi. "Don't chew with you mouth open and don't pick your nose. Also, compliment her on her looks. Girls like that."

"I know," said Kenji. "You've told me that a million times."

"Oh," said Kaoru. "I almost forgot. Here's the money for supper."

She handed Kenji a sack full of plenty of money.

"One last thing," said Kaoru. "What she wants, she gets. You have to treat her like the goddess she is."

"Can I go now?" said Kenji. "As this rate, I will be late."

"Yes," said Kaoru. "You can go, but first we want to get your picture. We can't have you go out on your first date without getting a picture, now can we?"

"What?" said Kenji.

Kaoru and Megumi escorted Kenji down the hallway and outside.

When they reached the front porch, they found Kenshin and Sano sitting on it like they always did.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru as they walked by. "Get the camera, we want to take Kenji's picture."

"Oh all right," said Kenshin as he got off the porch. "Just as long as I don't have to be in it."

"Yes you do," said Kaoru.

"Doh!" said Kenshin as walked through the door.

After a minute of messing around, he found it, brought it outside, and set it up.

Kaoru and Kenshin then stood behind Kenji as Sano commanded the camera.

"Everybody," said Sano as was about to snap the picture. "Say sake!"

Kenji, Kenshin, and Kaoru all said sake, but Kaoru was the only one who really meant it.

After the picture was done, Kaoru wanted to get her last two cents in.

"Okay," said Kaoru as she knelt down to Kenji and put her hand on his shoulder. "This is probably the most important thing that you will ever do in your life. Scratch that. It is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. So whatever you do, do not mess this up. But, most important of all, remember to have fun."

She then hugged him and stood back up.

"Dad," said Kenji. "Is there anything that you'd like to say since we're having this little nice hallmark moment here?"

"Uh…" said Kenshin. "Don't listen to your mother. This is not the most important thing you will ever do in your life. So if you do screw this up, it's not that big of a deal. Trust me. In fact, it would be better if you did screw this up."

Kaoru then punched Kenshin in the arm.

"Ow!" said Kenshin. "You don't have to be such a jerk. Besides, all you're doing is giving Kenji another reason why he shouldn't get involved with women."

"Well," said Kenji. "I'm off. Don't wait up. Oh, who cares? You will. You guys never listen to me."

He then left through the front gate.

"You do realize," said Kaoru, "That you could've been more supportive."

"I was telling him the truth," said Kenshin. "You were filling his head with all this crap about how this is so important and how he can't mess this up. I was merely trying to give him the realistic scope of things."

"Well," said Kaoru. "It doesn't matter now anyway."

"Oh," said Megumi to Sano. "This whole ordeal is so romantic. Sano, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yeah," said Sano, "But I don't think there was a cane in Citizen Kane, so looking for it would probably be a waste of time."

"No!" said Megumi. "The other thing."

"Oh," said Sano. "I get it now. That also works for me."

"Excellent," said Megumi. "Whoever gets home first gets to choose the layout of the futon and the surrounding environment. Go!"

Both Sano and Megumi made a mad dash to the front gate.

Kenshin then had a bad feeling about how Megumi's comment might influence Kaoru, so he quietly tiptoed behind her and headed for the house.

"Hey," said Kaoru. "That doesn't sound half bad."

She then looked at where Kenshin was standing, but didn't see him. She then turned around him and saw him about to step on the first step of the porch.

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "Where are you going?"

"Uh…" said Kenshin trying to think fast. "I was going to go put the camera away."

"Kenshin," said Kaoru. "That is your worst excuse yet. The camera is still out here. I know that you're trying to evade our intimate time together. Well, you're not going to win this time."

"Damn it!" said Kenshin.

"First, pick up the camera, take it in the house, and put it where it belongs. Then, head to the bedroom, and remove all your clothes. For, I will be in there shortly. I have to go to the bathroom. However, if I walk into that room, and I don't find you there naked, you will be forced to clean the entire house, including the dojo, by yourself. Now move it. We're wasting precious lovemaking time."

Kenshin turned around with his head lowered, picked up the camera, along with its tripod, and carried the whole unit into the house while Kaoru went to the outhouse.

Kenji walked incredibly nervous to where Chizuru lived. When he arrived at her house he was about to tap on the door, when it suddenly opened.

"Chizuru?" said Kenji dumbfounded, "How did you know I was here?"

"Women's intuition," she said.

"Uh…" said Kenji who was trying to figure out what to say. "You look nice…no I mean hot…no I mean beautiful, no I mean…oh crap!"

"Relax," she said. "I'm nervous too. This is also my first date."

"How did you know this was my first date?" said Kenji as he crossed his arms.  
"For all you know, I could've gone out with thousands of women."

"I figured it out through logic," she said. "Judged by the way that you acted around me the first time we met, the way you asked me out, and the way you're acting now, I came to the conclusion that you have very little, or no experience, with girls. Therefore it was reasonable to assume that you never have been on a date before."

"Whoa!" exclaimed Kenji. "You're really smart. Hey, what's that smell? I hope that I didn't step in anything on the way over here."

"Calm down," she said. "It's just my perfume. It's jasmine. Do you like it?"

"Yeah," said Kenji truthfully. "I actually do. Wow, that's a first. Oh, yeah. Before I almost forget, what's your curfew? I don't want to become mortal enemies with your parents on the first date."

"It's ten o' clock," she said, "But don't worry. We have plenty of time."

"Okay," said Kenji. "Um…let's go then."

"One last thing," she said. "Where's that other couple we're supposed to go out with? Wasn't this supposed to be a double date?"

"It is," said Kenji. "We're meeting them at the restaurant. So, let's get a move on. If we leave Yahiko waiting too long, he'll get angry and then I'll probably end up getting injured."

Kenji and Chizuru walked over to the Akabeko. When they got there Yahiko and Tsubame were waiting outside the front door.

"There you are," said Yahiko. "I thought you were lost and I would have had to report you missing to the police, assuming that they would actually do something about it."

"Uh," moaned Kenji. "You know Yahiko already. This here is Tsubame. And Tsubame, this is Chizuru."

"Hello," said Tsubame.

"Nice to meet you," said Chizuru.

"Less greeting and more eating," said Yahiko forcefully.

"All right, all right," said Kenji. "Come on everybody, let's go inside."

When they got inside Tae greeted them.

"Hey if it isn't Kenji and Yahiko," said Tae. "And Tsubame? I thought you had off today."

"I do," said Tsubame. "I'm just here for dinner."

"And who's this?" asked Tae as she looked at Chizuru.

"That's Chizuru Raikoji," said Kenji. "She's my date."

"Then Tsubame must be Yahiko's date," exclaimed Tae. "How cute."

"Just get us a table servant," said Yahiko.

"Of course," said Tae annoyed. "Right this way."

She took them to a table in the corner and passed out some menus.

"I'll give you a couple of minutes to figure out what you want," said Tae. "But in the meantime, what can I get ya'll to drink?"

"We'll have sake all around," said Yahiko.

"Sorry," said Tae. "I can't do that. You're too young and anyway, if I gave you some and your parents found out, they'd have my head on a stick."

"Well, between the four of us we're forty," said Yahiko. "So, therefore, I think that we're all old enough to have some."

"I don't think so," said Tae.

"We'll just have water," said Kenji.

"Coming up," said Tae.

She left to fetch the water.

"What's good here?" asked Chizuru.

"The beef-hot-pot's pretty popular," said Tsubame.

"Not original enough," said Yahiko. "We got to do something special."

They looked at the menu for a few minutes.

"How about teriyaki chicken noodles?" said Yahiko.

"That's sounds delightful," said Chizuru.

"That looks good," said Tsubame.

"Sure," said Kenji.

Then Tae came back with the water. She passed them out.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked.

"Sure am," said Kenji. "We'll have the teriyaki chicken noodles."  
"Excellent choice," said Tae.

She walked away to place the order.

"You know Yahiko," said Kenji. "I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What?" asked Yahiko.

"Why do you have your shinai with you?" asked Kenji.

Yahiko pulled it off his back and whacked him in the head with it. Chizuru and Tsubame giggled.

"That's why," he said.

"Ah," groaned Kenji as he rubbed his head.

"So now what do we do?" said Yahiko. "Do we just sit and pick our noses while we wait for our food to come?"

"Of course not," said Kenji. "We're supposed to engage in stimulating conversation while we patiently wait for our meals to arrive."

"Oh Kenji," said Chizuru, "You are so mature and civilized."

"Why thank you," said Kenji. "I try my best to be complaisant."

Yahiko just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"Okay then," said Tsubame, "What should we talk about?"

"How about how Kenji is trying to act like this big sophisticated gentleman when he isn't?" said Yahiko spitefully.

"Yahiko!" said Tsubame. "Don't be rude."

"Be quiet, doormat," said Yahiko.

"Okay," said Tsubame.

"Yahiko," said Chizuru. "I've tolerated a lot of your crap for awhile, but I've had it. Ever since I've known you, you've just acted like an immature brat who is rude and tries to control everyone. You need to shut up and grow up."

"Listen," said Yahiko, "I'll cut you some slack, since you're new in this city. The way it works around here is that I control everything and everybody does what I say."

"That's a load of garbage," said Chizuru. "No one died and made you the leader. You better get off this power trip or else."

"Hey," said Yahiko. "Didn't you listen to me? I run the show around here. I command everything. Therefore, I command you to shut the hell up."

"Yahiko," said Tsubame. "Don't talk like that to her."

"Cram it, pushover," Yahiko.

"That's another thing," said Chizuru.

She then gave her attention to Tsubame.

"Tsubame," she said. "You shouldn't let Yahiko walk all over you like that. You should stand up for yourself. You need to demand respect from him. And believe me, you deserve at least that from him. After all, you're smarter."

"I resent that," said Yahiko as he smashed his fists on the table. "I'm the smartest, best looking, and most athletic person here. I am the supreme overlord of all of you. If you don't stop this mutiny right now, I'll…"

"Yahiko," said Kenji. " I can't sit back and ideally observe this anymore. If you do not stand down, I will be forced to take you outside and engage you in battle. You are involving others in your madness, and I can't let you do that, that I can't."

"I don't believe you," said Yahiko. "I bet you're bluffing."

"Try me," said Kenji as he stood up.

"This is all for show," said Yahiko. "You would never challenge me to a duel like this. You don't even have a weapon."

"That is true," said Kenji. "I am at a disadvantage there. But know this, I solely exist to protect the happiness of those that I care about most, so weapon or no weapon, I will fight you, and I will not lose. I will not lose because if I do, two other innocent people will lose as well. And that my friend, is something that I won't allow to happen."

"Well…I…" said Yahiko trying to figure out what to say.

"What is it?" said Kenji. "I'm waiting."

"I…I give up," said Yahiko. "You win. I'll stop misbehaving."

"Good," said Kenji. "Now we can finally have a nice relaxing meal in peace…"

He then stopped speaking for a few seconds and thought about what he had just said.

"I can't believe it," said Kenji as he sat back down. "I've just become my father."

Tsubame and Chizuru just stared at him in aw.

"Kenji?" said Chizuru finally. "You stood up to Yahiko and just saved our date from becoming a complete disaster."

"Yeah," said Tsubame. "You saved the entire evening."

"I've just become my father," mumbled Kenji to himself as he just starred off into space.

"You're a hero," said Chizuru.

"Definitely," said Tsubame. "That was the bravest thing that I've seen anyone do in a long time."

"I've just become my father," mumbled Kenji to himself as he continued to stare off into space.

"Forget the compliments girls," said Yahiko. "He can't here a word that you're saying. His brain is fried. It'll take awhile for him to come back to us."

After a few minutes of looking like he took some drugs (remember kids, don't do drugs), he snapped back into reality.

"I'm fine now," said Kenji. "I just wandered into that zone, something with twilight in it I think."

"That's good," said Chizuru.

"Yeah," said Tsubame.

"Well," said Yahiko. "I think I'll hit the can before dinner comes."

He got off the floor.

"I'll go with you," said Kenji as he stood up.

"I don't need an assistant," said Yahiko harshly.

"No," said Kenji. "You said earlier you'd try and escape the first chance you get. I want to make sure you don't."

"Darn," thought Yahiko.

"Well don't dilly dally," said Yahiko. "A flash flood warning is in effect now."

Kenji escorted Yahiko to the outhouse.

"That was…weird," said Tsubame. "I hope they come back in time for dinner."

"I just hope they come back," said Chizuru.

After a few minutes they did indeed come back. Then the food came.

"Here you go," said Tae as she put the food and the other utensils on the table. "If there's anything else ya'll need, just call me."

She scurried off.

During the dinner they discussed all kinds of interesting things, like if Pluto should still be considered a planet or not; the current state of the Meji era; beef, is it really what's for dinner; and the Code of Hammurabi.

After a while of that nonsense, they were done eating.

A few more minutes went by and then Tae came to check up on them.

"How ya'll doing?" asked Tae.

"We're done," said Kenji. "And it was delicious."

"That's good," said Tae. "Let me take these away for you and then I'll come back with the bill."

She cleared the table and left. After a minute she came back with it.

"Here you go," said Tae as she handed the bill to Kenji.

"It's 4,683.80 yen," said Kenji.

"Don't worry," said Yahiko. "I'll take care of this. Since Tsubame works here we should get this meal for free."

"I can't believe you're trying to score a free meal off me," said Tsubame. "First of all I'm not on duty, and second of all I can't get discounts for friends."

"Like you would know," said Yahiko. "How about it Tae?"

"She's right," she said.

"Nuts," said Yahiko.

"Let me take care of it," said Kenji.

He pulled out some money and gave it to Tae.

"Thanks a bunch," said Tae. "Now ya'll have a good night ya hear."

They got up and left.

"You didn't have to do that," said Chizuru as they walked home.

"It's no problem," said Kenji. "It's my treat."

"But where did you get it from?" asked Chizuru.

"Where all other ten year old kids get their money," said Yahiko. "Their parents. You think that wiener has a job?"

"That's okay," said Chizuru. "What's really important is that we had fun tonight."

"Yeah," said Tsubame. "If you ignore the Yahiko factor."

"I'm the only reason why we had fun," said Yahiko. "In fact Yahiko equals fun."

"No," said Kenji. "Yahiko equals menace to society."

Chizuru and Tsubame laughed.

Then they got to Tsubame's house.

"I had a nice time," said Tsubame.

Then she reached out to Yahiko and hugged him.

"What is this, a John Lennon concert? asked Yahiko as he tried to free himself.

Tsubame let him go and went inside.

The next stop was Yahiko's house.

"Well…eh," said Yahiko as he waved his hand and went inside.

Kenji and Chizuru then walked to her house.

"I don't know what Tsubame sees in Yahiko," said Chizuru.

"Honestly I don't think it'll go anywhere," said Kenji.

They got up to her house.

"Tonight was really nice," said Chizuru.

"Thanks," said Kenji. "I was really worried it would turn out to be a nightmare."

"I better get inside," said Chizuru. "But before I do…"  
She reached out and hugged him.

"Goodnight," said Chizuru.

Then she walked inside.

Kenji trotted home.

He got inside and found Kenshin and Kaoru in the living room. They were reading (Kenshin's book was upside down though).

"I'm home," said Kenji.

"Wait right here," said Kaoru ecstatically. "I want to get Sano and Megumi."

As she was about to get up Kenshin grabbed her.

"Psycho time's over," said Kenshin playfully. "It's normal time now."

"Fine," said Kaoru grumpily

She turned her attention to Kenji.

"So, how did it go?" she asked.

"And where's the money you leech?" asked Kenshin.

Kenji took out the sack of money and gave it to Kaoru.

"Besides Yahiko's obsessive need to derail it," he said. "It went fine."

"Well's that's expected," said Kaoru. "Now what did you talk about?"

"All kinds of stuff," said Kenji. "But come to think of it, we never really talked about ourselves. I didn't learn anything about Chizuru."

"How could you go through a whole date without doing that!" shouted Kaoru. "The whole point of a date is to get to know the other person!"

"You dodged a bullet," said Kenshin. "A women's ultimate weapon is to talk about themselves. Not only is that boring but the lecture's length is immeasurable. By the end you just want commit seppuku to end the madness."

Kaoru hit him in the head with her book and he fell over.

"There's always next time," said Kenji.

"That's true," said Kaoru. "Even though you screwed that up you're still light-years beyond Yahiko in the dating realm."

Kenji yawned.

"I'm bushed," he said. "I'm going to bed. Later."

He walked off to his bedroom. He changed his clothes and laid down on his futon.

"Oh Chizuru," thought Kenji. "I wonder who you really are."

The End


	33. Episode 33

NOTARO'S CLUES

It was a bright and sunny day. Kenshin was walking over to Sano's house. When he got up to the door, Sano opened it.

"Hello there," said Sano. "It's me Sano."

"I know who you are," said Kenshin.

"Please come in," said Sano enthusiastically. "I like visitors."

"Someone was bound to have the cheese slide off their cracker," thought Kenshin to himself, "I just didn't think it would be him."

He walked inside.

"Kaoru wanted me to give this to you," said Kenshin as he held up a bowl. "They're rice balls."

Sano reluctantly took the bowl.

"Friends don't give other friends food related gifts from Kaoru," said Sano.

"I'll make it up to you later," said Kenshin. "Oh, and about the bowl. You can just incinerate it after you've incinerated the food."

"Okay," said Sano. "Hey, do you want to do something?"

"I have to go back home and do the dishes," said Kenshin.

"That sounds important," said Sano.

"It is, I guess," said Kenshin.

"Well, since it's important, then you don't have to do it," said Sano. "Since it's important, it's going to get done anyway. So if you don't do it, somebody else eventually will."

Kenshin looked astonished.

"Wow," said Kenshin. "You're right; there's no need to worry. So what do you want to do then?"

"I don't know," said Sano.

Just then Notaro walked into the living room. He went over to the wall and put a muddy paw print on it with his foot. Then he barked and ran away.

Sano turned towards the wall and said, "A paw print. Notaro must want to play a rousing game of Notaro's Clues."

Then he turned towards Kenshin.

"You know what that means," said Sano.

"No, I don't, you moron," said Kenshin.

"Notaro will go around and place muddy paw prints on three clues," said Sano. "Then we have to put the clues together to figure out what he wants."

"That's dumb," said Kenshin.

"Let's hop to it," said Sano. "But first I need my handy dandy notebook and writing implement."

He rushed over to the drawer and took out the notebook and writing implement. Then he raised his other arm into the air and pointed his finger at the door.

"To the Sano-mobile!" he shouted.

Of course there was no Sano-mobile, so they just walked. While they were doing this Sano was making train noises.

"You do know we're walking," said Kenshin.

"You have to use your imagination," said Sano as he made a rainbow gesture with his hands.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "I'm imagining a cement block flying into your head."

"Good," said Sano. "But keep the mutilation of me down to a minimum. I want us to have more positive attitudes."

"Where would Notaro put a clue?" asked Kenshin. "And when did I actually start giving a damn?"

"How about the marketplace?" asked Sano.

"It's so convenient, it just might work," said Kenshin.

They ran as fast as they could to the marketplace. When they got there, they started searching around for the clues. They went into every store they could to look for one. A half an hour went buy but still no clue.

"Well the clue's not at the erotic caricature stand," said Sano.

"And it's not at Tomoe's shop," said Kenshin.

"What's that mark on your face?" asked Sano.

"Oh that," said Kenshin. "When I told her I was searching for Notaro's clues, she smacked me in the face. I assume she took it as some sort of perverted act."

"Not all people get it," said Sano.

Then they just stood there thinking. After a few minutes Kenshin spotted something out of the corner of his eye. Across the street at a stand, a map was hanging out in front with a muddy paw print on it.

"A clue, a clue," blurted out Kenshin.

"Where?" shrieked Sano.

"Over there, over there," said Kenshin as he pointed in the correct direction.

"What," said Sano. "Over there by that guy taking a leak in that alley."

"No," said Kenshin.

"Is it there," said Sano as he pointed to a dead rat on the street.

"No," said Kenshin.

Sano looked around some more.

"Ah," said Sano. "It's over there on that map at that stand."

They casually walked over to it.

"It appears to be a map of England," said Kenshin.

"But what would he want with a map of England?" said Sano. "Maybe he wants to move there because we're not classy and sophisticated enough for him. I didn't think scratching yourself with chopsticks was lowbrow but I guess to some people it is."

"We have two more clues to find," said Kenshin. "So don't jump to conclusions just yet. Now jot that down in your notebook."

Sano took out the writing utensil and notebook and started to scribble it down. After a few minutes of doodling he was done.

"So what do you think?" asked Sano as he showed the drawing to Kenshin.

"Why is there a wrinkly leather boot floating in the middle of an infinite void?" asked Kenshin.

"It could be floating up in your ass," snapped Sano. "Now let's get a move on. We can discuss the abstract symbolism of a wrinkly leather boot floating in the middle of an infinite void later."

They left the stand and continued on their journey to find the last two clues.

"I wonder where the next clue will be?" said Sano as they were walking.

"Me too," said Kenshin. "The suspense is absolutely delightful. I hope it will last."

He then thought for a moment about what he just said.

"Oh man," said Kenshin. "You just corrupted my mind. Now I'm starting to act like you."

"No, that's where you have it wrong my short red-headed feminine looking friend," said Sano. "If everyone acted like me, this world would be a much better place."

"Uh, no it wouldn't," said Kenshin. "Also, if you say that I look feminine one more time, I'm going to tear your liver out and eat it raw."

"A little cranky, aren't we?" said Sano. "Sounds like someone needs to take a Midol."

Just then, Kenshin spotted something of interest.

"Look Sano," said Kenshin as he pointed, "It's none other than the infamous dynamic duel themselves, Tommy and Victor. Let's go see what they're up to."

"Grand idea!" said Sano. "Let's go."

They both rushed over to them.

Tommy and Victor were both standing in front of a wall next to some shop that sold home accents and furnishings.

"Hey, Tommy and Victor," said Kenshin as him and Sano came up to them. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're loitering," said Victor as he leaned back against a wall.

"Yeah," said Tommy as he put his hands behind his head. "Want to join us?"

"But loitering is wrong," said Sano.

"Yeah," said Kenshin. " You should only be standing in the area of a shop if you are interested in engaging in a monetary transaction with it."

"Oh come on, you…" said Tommy.

"Now, now," said Victor as he put up his hand. "There's no need for the exchange of vulgar obscenities. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, even if it is wrong."

"Besides," said Sano, "We can't anyway. We're playing a game."

"Intriguing," said Victor. "What kind of game, if I may ask?"

"It's called Notaro's Clues," said Sano. "How it works is…"

"Don't explain it," said Tommy. "Let me take a guess at it."

"Okay," said Sano. "Take your guess."

"Notaro, your dog," said Tommy, "wants do something, but since he can't talk like a human, he has to resort to a more primitive form of communication. He travels around town and leaves muddy paw prints on three related objects, which then, of course, become 'clues.' After you discover all these so-called 'clues,' you then have to, through deductive reasoning, figure out what it is that he wants."

"That's exactly it," said Kenshin. "How did you know!?"

"I took a wild guess," said Tommy.

"Well," said Sano. "Do you guys want to play? We could use the extra help. Like they say: 'Four heads are always better than one.'"

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "So, what do you guys say? Will you help us find the two clues?"

"Hmm," said Victor. "This could be interesting. Sure. We'll help you guys out."

"But Victor," said Tommy, "You promised that after we loitered around here for a little bit, we would then go to the Akebako and stare at women from afar because we don't have the social skills and confidence to interact with them properly."

"I know," said Victor. "But we can do that anytime. This could be the only chance in our entire lives to play Notaro's Clues."

"All alright," said Tommy. "I'm in."

"Yay!" said Sano excitedly. "Let's go find that next clue!"

Sano, Kenshin, Tommy and Victor headed down the street.

"Here," said Kenshin to Tommy and Victor as they were walking. "I'll give you two a quick synopses of what happened earlier. Sano and I have already found the first clue. It was a map of England."

"A map of England?" said Tommy puzzled.

"Yes," said Kenshin. "But as you already know, that until we find the other two clues, this one will just remain a question mark."

"So do you know where this clue is then?" said Victor.

"If we knew where this clue was, it wouldn't be a clue then," said Kenshin aggravated.

"Oh yeah," said Victor.

"Let's see," said Sano. "Where could this clue be?"

"Maybe," said Tommy, "It's located in a brothel. It could be on a hooker's butt or something."

"Uh, I don't think so," said Sano. "Notaro's morality level is extremely high. There's no way that he would be caught dead in a brothel."

"Maybe," said Kenshin, "It's located in the Hadouken."

"Yeah," said Sano. "Notaro is partial to whisky. On to the bar!"

All four of them ran as fast as they could to the Hadouken.

When they arrived, Sano opened the door and they all rushed in.

"Okay," said Sano. "Now we are not leaving until we have searched every nook and cranny of this run down, piece of crap, dirt hole. Now let's commence the search."

Kenshin, Tommy, and Victor start running around the joint looking for the second clue.

"Hey," said Scruffy to Sano from behind the bar. "I see you're playing another rousing game of Notaro's Clues."

"Another game?" said Sano as he was standing in the middle of the bar. "What are you talking about? This is the first time we've ever played this."

"No," said Scruffy. "This is your second."

"Whatever, old senile, delusional psycho," said Sano who was looking around the bar at his men working.

He then had an idea.

"Hey," he yelled to Scruffy. "How'd you like to play with us? We could use the extra manpower. You'd have a swell time."

"Sorry," said Scruffy. "I can't. I have to stay here and man the bar. If I leave my position, all the winos will steal my supply."

"Oh, rice balls," said Sano.

Victor, Kenshin and Tommy then came up to him.

"Sano," said Victor. "We haven't found a clue yet. What should we do?"

"Hmm," said Sano. "We've searched every place in this bar except for one spot. The bar itself."

He then turned to Scruffy.

"Hey," said Sano. "Can the troops look for the clue behind your bar?"

"Sure," said Scruffy. "But if anything is missing or broken, I'll string you all up by your testicles from the ceiling and beat your heads in with a steel pipe."

"Fair enough," said Sano. "Let's hit the bar."

They all went behind the bar and begun looking for the clue.

After ten minutes of looking, rummaging, swearing, hitting, and debating if Tae was hot or not behind the bar, everyone got out from behind it with sad looks on their faces.

"I can't believe we couldn't find it," said Kenshin as they headed for the door.

"Cheer up," said Sano. "We'll find that clue. You just have to think positive."

He then turned to Scruffy.

"Thanks for all your help," he said.

"I didn't do anything, but okay," said Scruffy.

Sano, Kenshin, Tommy, and Victor then headed out the door.

"Good luck!" yelled Scruffy. "May the chopstick be with you!"

"And also with you!" said Sano as he closed the door.

"Where are we going to look now?" said Tommy. "I'm plum out of ideas."

"Let's just walk down this street until we find something," said Sano.

They all walked down the street looking around at the various shops and stores.

All of a sudden, something caught Tommy's eye.

"I see a clue!" yelled Tommy.

"Where?" said Sano. "

"It's over by the bookstore," said Tommy.

"It's over by the hook store," said Sano. "How do you know? Its not on this street."

"No you silly," said Tommy as he pointed to the bookstore. "I said it's over by the bookstore not the hook store."

"Oh," said Sano. "The bookstore. We'll, I'll be a unsophisticated slob who leaches off everybody and has to rely on wife to pay for everything."

They all went to the bookstore and starred at the book that the clue was on.

"Why did Notaro leave a paw print on an astronomy book," said Kenshin. "What does he want to do? Go to the moon?"

"We'll just have to uncover the third and final clue to find out," said Sano. "Time to bust out my handy dandy notebook and writing implement."

He then took the two objects out of his pocket.

"Now," said Kenshin to Sano. "You should be able to draw this object without any problem. All you have to draw is a rectangle with the word 'astronomy' on it."

"Silly Kenshin," said Victor as he put his hand on Kenshin's shoulder. "Don't you know that drawing skills aren't for Sano?"

Sano then drew a crudely drawn rectangle with the word 'astronomy' on it in his notebook.

"Good job," said Victor. "I underestimated you. You even managed to spell 'astronomy' correctly."

"Oh, shucks," said Sano. "It's no big deal. Any normal man with half a brain and no formal education whatsoever could do this. Now come on, we have to find that third and final clue."

Tommy, Victor, Sano, and Kenshin ran off from the bookstore to continue their epic quest of figuring out what it is that Notaro wants.

As they were walking, Sano had an idea.

"I just had a thought," he said as they were walking. "Before we go out and begin looking for the third and final clue, let's head back to my place, so we can take a break and eat some food."

"What a wonderful idea," said Tommy. "It'll do us some good to rest our weary selves."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "We could all use a break and some food."

"I agree," said Victor, "Because my tummy's starting to growl."

"Then it's settled," said Sano. "We're going back to my house for some well-deserved relaxation time."

They then all began their long trek back to Sano's house. When they got home they all went into the living room and sat down.

"Oh, right," said Sano. "Megumi's not here."

He got off the floor and went into the kitchen and came back with some sake.

"Where's the food?" asked Tommy.

"You don't want my cooking," said Sano. "Just drink extra sake to make up for it."

"I wonder where the next clue could be?" asked Victor.

"Well, we only have the entire world to cover," said Kenshin.

"Not if Notaro put a muddy paw print on something in space," said Tommy. "Then we'd have the infinite universe to search. Actually he could of made something in another dimension the clue. In that case…"

"You're done," said Sano as he took away his sake glass.

Just then they heard a knock on the door.

"I wonder who it could be," said Sano with cheer.

He rushed over to the door and opened it.

"It's the mailman!" said Sano excitingly.

"Uh, yeah," said the mailman. "Are you Sanosuke Sagara?"

"I sure am," said Sano.

"Here you go," said the mailman as he handed the envelope to Sano. "Bye."

Sano came back into the living room and started to sing.

"We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter. I wonder who it's from?"

He then sat down, opened it, and read it.

"It turns out I owe the government 713,189.99 yen in taxes," said Sano angrily. "Son of a bitch."

Then he calmed down.

"I'll just let Megumi handle this," he said. "After all _she_ makes the money. Okay now about that clue?"

They all started to discuss what to do next when Notaro came into the living room and barked. They turned around and saw him. Then he started to run away. They jumped off the floor and followed him outside. He started to run down the road and they chased him. They got all the way down to the clinic when they lost track of him.

"Damn," said Kenshin. "What do we do now?"

"We can't give up," said Sano. "This is a matter of life and death."

"It is?" asked Tommy.

"There's a freak chance that we might die if we don't finish it," said Sano as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Look," said Victor. "There's Megumi. Maybe she saw him."

They walked over to her.

"Oh great," thought Megumi. "If it isn't colonel cretin and the boob brigade."

"Sorry to bother you at work," said Sano. "But have you seen Notaro around here?"  
"Yeah," said Victor. "We're playing Notaro's clues and we're having a gay ole time."

Megumi put her hand over her forehead.

"Nice to see you're keeping the streak alive," said Megumi sarcastically. "No, and what the hell is Notaro's clues?"

"It's this really cool game where Notaro leaves muddy paw prints on three things," said Sano. "These are the clues and you have to put them together to figure out what he wants."

"So instead of getting a job where you'll get paid, is important, helps people, and is productive," said Megumi sarcastically, "You instead spend your days chasing around a demented Chow Chow with your deadbeat friends trying to put three mindless things together to try and figure out what in the world it wants."

"Ah shucks," said Sano. "It's no big deal."

"Well I have to get back to work," said Megumi. "Just… try to not get killed okay."  
"Got it," said Sano.

Megumi went back into the clinic.

After she left, the four of them started looking around for the third clue. A couple of minutes went by when Victor stumbled upon something.

"A clue, a clue!" shouted Victor.

Tommy was in front of him and turned around.

"That's my ass," said Tommy.

"No, the clue, the clue," said Victor.

"My ass is the clue?" asked Tommy.

"It's right by you," said Victor annoyed. "Look down."

"Oh there it is," said Tommy.

Sano and Kenshin came over by them.

"It's a rock," said Kenshin.

"Let me scribble this down," said Sano.

He took out his notebook and writing implement and drew it.

"Now that we have all three clues, let's go back to home base and figure this out," said Sano.

The four of them went back to Sano's place.

"All right," said Sano. "It's time for me to sit on my thinking futon."

He went into his bedroom and got a futon and brought it back. Then he sat down on it.

Notaro then came running into the room and sat down by Sano.

"Good timing," said Sano to Notaro. "We're just about to put the clues together and figure out what you want."

Notaro barked with satisfaction.

"Well," said Sano as everyone gathered around him and sat down facing him. "We have three clues. There's the map of England, the astronomy book, and the rock."

He thought for a minute.

"Maybe Notaro wants to use the rock as a paperweight for the astronomy book and the map of England so they don't get lost," said Sano.

"No," said Kenshin, Tommy, and Victor while Notaro shook his head.

"Maybe he doesn't like England and astronomy so he wants to smash the map and the book with the rock," said Sano.

"No," said Kenshin, Tommy, and Victor again while Notaro shook his head.

"Hmm," said Sano. "Wait, I got it! Notaro wants to go to England to visit Stonehenge!"

"Yay!" shouted Kenshin, Tommy, and Victor while Notaro barked with excitement.

Sano jumped of the futon.

"We just figured out Notaro's clues," sang Sano, "We just figured out Notaro's clues, we just figured out Notaro's clues, because we're really smart."

Then everybody started jumping up and down screaming.

After a couple seconds Kenshin realized something.

"Man, we do suck," moaned Kenshin. "We just played a game where we looked for clues left by a stupid dog that looks like a bear."

Then everybody got depressed.

Then Kenshin realized something else.

"Wait," said Kenshin. "While everybody else has to work and do stuff they don't want to do, we're relaxing and having fun."

"Hey, that's right," said Tommy.

"I never thought of it that way," said Victor.

"Good point," said Sano.

"I think we better all get going now," said Kenshin. "It's getting late."

"Same here," said Tommy and Victor.

The three of them walked over to the front door.

"Thanks for playing our first game of Notaro's clues with me," said Sano. "You were a really big help. See you next time."

"Yeah, sure" they all said as they walked through the door and shut it.

"Hmm," said Sano as he was still sitting on the ground, "Since we figured out that what you wanted to do was to go see Stonehenge, the only thing left to do is actually go and see it. But the question is: When do we go?"

About two weeks later, and 356,519.99 yen later, Sano, Megumi, and Notaro arrived at Stonehenge in Wiltshire County, England.

"I don't get it," said Sano as they all starred at the huge monument before them. "What is this supposed to be?"

"They suspect that the ancient people in this area," said Megumi as she was holding onto Notaro's leash, "Used this as a way to predict eclipses. Out of all people, you should be the one to know this because an astronomy book was one of the clues to this whole mystery and you're the one who solved it."

"Oh yeah," said Sano.

Notaro started barking at it.

"Hey," said Sano, "Don't bitch to us about how crappy this thing is. You're the one who wanted to come here in the first place."

"No Sano," said Megumi. "Notaro isn't complaining about the thing. He just wants to go and smell the stones."

"Oh, okay," said Sano. "Then let's give him what he wants."

Sano and Megumi began walking over towards it.

"This had to be the biggest waste of money we've ever spent," said Megumi. "Don't get me wrong, this is an impressive manmade structure, but there's just a lot of better things that we could've spent the money on."

"I know," said Sano as he put his arm around her waist, "But that's just the way it is. You can't do anything about it."

They then finally made their way up to one of the stones.

Notaro sniffed it, lifted his leg, and began to pee on it.

"Notaro!" screamed Megumi. "Stop that! You're going to get us all killed for desecrating a historical landmark!"

Sano then thought for a moment.

"It all makes sense now," he said.

"What makes sense now?" said Megumi.

"Why Notaro wanted to come here," he said. "He didn't want to come here to see it, he came here to pee on it. He just wanted to go to a place where he could go to the bathroom."

"Buda," said Megumi as she put her hand over her forehead, "Please deliver me from this stupidity."

The End


	34. Episode 34

PRANK

Kenshin was outside in the backyard chopping firewood for the kitchen and bathtub.

"We really need to invent something that will replace firewood," said Kenshin to himself as he chopped a log in half with his axe. "I'm not supposed to be doing unintelligent, pointless, and mind numbing tasks like this. I should be out drinking at the Hadouken with my buddies."

"Dad," said Kenshin as he came outside.

"What?" said Kenshin as he set another log on his chopping block. "If you want money, forget it. I've told you a million times that if you want money, you have to first earn it like getting your mother to leave the house for a period of several hours or obtaining some sort of a heavy firearm for me."

"No dad," said Kenji. "It's nothing like that. I just came out to tell you that when you're done chopping firewood, you're supposed to hang the laundry. Mom finished washing it, and she needs you to hang it."

"Damn it," said Kenshin. "I just wish that one time your mother would actually finish something that she started. Every time she starts something, I always have to be the one to finish it."

He then realized something.

"Hey," said Kenshin. "Why can't you finish it?"

"I can't," said Kenji. "I'm busy dusting out the entire house. Buda knows how long that's going to take."

"Fine," said Kenshin. "I'll do it. Also, why can't your mother finish the laundry in the first place? What's so important that she can't wait till she finishes?"

"They're having a sale at some shop that sells women's junk," said Kenji. "You know clothing, makeup, perfume, jewelry, etc."

"And this couldn't wait till after the chores?" said Kenshin as he wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Apparently not," said Kenji.

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Go finish dusting the house. When I'm done here, I'll go hang the laundry."

Kenji left and went back inside the house.

"This really has to end," said Kenshin to himself.

Around this time, Yahiko was coming down the road.

"I can't believe that my revenge against Kaoru didn't work (please refer to episode 1)," said Yahiko to himself. "I kidnapped Kenshin and tied to him a tree, but in the end, he got free and I ended up being tied to the tree just like him. I have to get back at her for that atrocity, but how?"

He then thought for minute or so.

"I have it," said Yahiko. "I just know what to do."

He ran up to the gate of the Himura Dojo.

"Good," said Yahiko. "It's not locked."

He then went inside.

While inside, he made his way around the house and spotted Kenshin outside chopping wood from around the corner.

"Good," thought Yahiko. "He's out there. I should be able to accomplish the mission then."

He walked back around the corner.

He ran to a tree on the side and grabbed some leaves. He then made a mad dash into the house and found a cup. He took that cup and went by the well, careful not to have Kenshin see him, and put some water in it. He then back into the house and mixed the leaves in with the water. After the water turned a green color, he removed the leaves.

"Now," said Yahiko with a smirk on his face. "Where should I put this so that he can find it?"

"Hey Yahiko," said Kenji as he came into the room. "What are you doing here?"

Yahiko just froze for a minute and tried to come up with something fast, which he did.

"I was walking down the road," said Yahiko, "And I decided to drop by for a moment. While I was here, I discovered Kenshin outside chopping wood. He looked thirsty, so I made him a drink. I didn't tell him about the drink because I wanted it to be a surprise. But unfortunately, I can't go give it to him because I have to go down to the marketplace to pick up food for tonight or my parents will sell me into slavery. Where is a good place that I can put this, so he'll see it?"

"You don't have to leave it somewhere," said Kenji. "I can give it to him."

"Don't you have chores to do?" said Yahiko.

"Oh yeah," said Kenji. "That's right. I have to dust the entire house. That's going to take me several decades. Okay then. You will then have to leave the drink for him. Let me think of a good spot for it."

Kenji then thought for a moment.

"I have it," he said.

He then pointed towards Kenshin's sword that was lying next to the wall.

"Stick it by his sword over there," he said. "When he's done chopping wood, I'm sure the first thing he'll do is come back in here and pick up his sword for moment before going back out to handle the laundry. He loves that thing more than mom, or even me."

"Thanks a whole lot," said Yahiko.

"No problem," he said. "Excuse me. I have to go dust out the dojo. According to mom, the dojo counts as part of the house, but in reality, it isn't. She only did that so I would have more work to do. See ya. This should take me the rest of my natural life."

He then left the room.

"What a moron!" said Yahiko to himself. "I can't believe that he bought that load. Oh well. My theory is: If you're stupid and gullible, then you deserve to be tricked and manipulated."

He then went over to the wall, put the cup down by his sword, and then ran out of the room.

He then waited behind one of the walls (God bless rice paper walls) to wait for Kenshin to come.

After several more minutes of backbreaking labor, Kenshin was done.

"Yay!" said Kenshin to himself. "Now on to hanging laundry. But before I do that, I'm going to go back inside and hold my sword for moment. That thing's just too damn cool."

He then went back inside the house and went into the living room where his sword was located.

"Ah," said Kenshin as he picked it up from against the wall, "My precious sword that I love more than Kaoru, or even Kenji. I just had to hold you one more time before I have to go back out and do the laundry."

He then noticed the cup sitting on the ground.

"What's this?" he said to himself.

He then bent over and picked it up.

"Why," he said to himself, "It looks like a drink. But who's it for?"

He then thought for a moment.

"It must be for me," he said to himself, "Because it was sitting next to my sword. Kenji must have noticed how hard I was working outside and decided to surprise me with a drink. Wait, does this little act of random kindness then put him above the sword though?"

He then thought again for a moment.

"Nah," he said to himself. "However, it does put him above Kaoru. The only way she's going to make it up the chain is if she stops cooking or hounding me for 'marital relations.' Well, bottoms up."

He then gulped the thing down.

Yahiko, watching this from the behind the extremely thin rice paper wall, knew that it was time to make his move. He walked into the room.

"No!" yelled Yahiko as he flew into the room.

"What?" said Kenshin. "If you're worried about it having a bad taste or something, don't worry. It was yummy. I believe it was some sort of tea or something."

"You fool," said Yahiko. "That wasn't tea. It was a Beijing Cocktail."

"Cool," said Kenshin. "A drink I never had before. When I go to the Hadouken next time, I'm going to have to have Scruffy make me one. I want to see if his is better or not."

"No, you don't get it!" yelled Yahiko. It restrictes the body's ability to secrete and deliver adrenaline to it's various parts, eventually leading to death."

"What!" screamed Kenshin. "What would such a deadly thing like this be doing in my house?"

"Maybe," said Yahiko, "That somebody wanted to get rid of you, so they planted it in here."

"That makes sense," said Kenshin. "There a lot of people who don't like me. Wait a minute, why are you in my house and how do you know that what I drank was a Bejing Cocktail?"

Yahiko, being the conniving genius that he was, already thought of an answer to this.

"I'm in your house," said Yahiko, "Because I came out see if Kenji wanted to go chuck things in the river. As for the Beijing Cocktail, I know what it was because of its smell."

"I didn't smell anything," said Kenshin.

"That's because it's very faint," said Yahiko. "The only reason why I can detect it is because a few years back I would always hang around this gang's headquaters. They were always making this stuff. They would envite their enemies over to make amends and to have a drink. However, the drink that they got was the Beijing Cocktail. They then would take the bodies and skin them. That's why there was a brief period of time where there were a lot of flesh colored wallets."

"Oh yeah," said Kenshin. "I remember that. In fact, I remember a story that involved one of those wallets and Kaoru. See, what happened was…"

"Kenshn!" yelled Yahiko "Forget that. Now listen to me. This is very important. Since this drink is decreasing the amount of adrenaline that your body is producing, you're going to have to create your own. This is the only way you will be able to survive."

"What do I have to do?" said Kenshin.

"You have to do things that will get your adrenaline pumping," said Yahiko. Such things would include: exercising, violence, and sexual situations."

"I understand," said Kenshin as he squinted his eyes.

Kenshin took his hand and pushed Yahiko to the side.

"I know what I must do," he said. "Yahiko, if you never see me again, remember me for the great childless never-married warrior that I was."

"Uh, okay," said Yahiko.

Kenshin then took off and ran as fast as he could through the rice paper wall.

"This is going to be sweet," said Yahiko to himself.

"I wonder who did this," thought Kenshin. "But in the meantime I have to keep my wits about me. I know. I'll head over to Sano's house. Maybe he'll know what to do, like tell me where Megumi is so I can get a real answer."

He ran over to Sano's house and burst through the front door.

"What's going on?" asked Sano as Kenshin ran into the living room.

"I'll make this short," said Kenshin as he was still running in place. "I was poisoned and if I don't keep my adrenaline up, I'll die. So where's Megumi?"

"At work like she always is," said Sano. "By the way, do you know who did this?"

"No," said Kenshin. "I've made too many mortal enemies so I have no clue who it was."

"That blows," said Sano.

"Bye," said Kenshin. "And this could be the last time I ever say that to you, so cherish it."

"See ya," said Sano. "Oh yeah, good luck with your whole I'm-going-to-die thing. I'm rooting for you."

Kenshin took off and ran back outside. Notaro got off the living room floor and ran after him. He ran outside and caught up to Kenshin.

"Notaro!" said Kenshin as he looked down at him. "Get out of here. You're just going to make things worse."

Notaro then grabbed Kenshin's pants' leg and tugged at it.

"Bad boy," said Kenshin. "Let go."

Then Kenshin tripped and stumbled to the ground. Notaro ran around in a circle, barked, and then ran home. Kenshin quickly got back up to his feet and started running again.

"Oh great," said Kenshin. "Now I have to make up for that spill. If I keel over, and go to the good afterlife, I'm not recommending Notaro."

He kept running for a few minutes.

When he reached an intersection the road was blocked off.

"Oh man," said Kenshin to himself. "I have to take a detour. It's like the whole world's after me."

He turned left and kept running as fast as he could. He passed a coffee shop where somebody was standing outside enjoying a fresh cup of brew. When Kenshin passed him he struck him with his sword and grabbed his coffee.

"Sorry buddy!" shouted Kenshin. "Dead man running!"

He gulped the whole thing down.

"So this is what coffee tastes like," thought Kenshin. "Kaoru always told me coffee was supposed to taste bad."

He was getting tired and started to slow down.

"I have to keep the pace up," thought Kenshin.

Then he passed the police station. Some sword policemen were outside smoking cigarettes.

"My sword is better than your swords you doughnut eating dimwits!" shouted Kenshin. "It's a principle forge from Shakku Arai!"

"A big shot ay," said one policeman. "Let's arrest him for hurting our feelings."

They started to run after him.

"Uh oh," said Kenshin as he ran faster. "Who knew they could run that fast after smoking all those cigarettes. Smoking is bad for you my butt."

He ran down the street screaming with the sword policemen at his heel. He tried to ditch them but it was no use. He ran through alleyways, jumped over obstacles, but they kept coming. Then he spotted a sword policeman on a horse. He ran towards the horse and jumped at it. He hit the sword policeman with his sheath and he fell off. Then he climbed onto the seat and rode off. When he turned a corner, a cart appeared in the middle of the road. Swiftly and in just the nick of time the horse leaped over it. After a few more minutes the clinic came into view. He road up to it, jumped off the horse, and ran inside.

"Where the heck's Megumi?" thought Kenshin.

He paced back and forth until Dr. Gensai came by. He pulled out his sword and took him hostage. Then he dragged him down one of the hallways.

"I want Megumi now," said Kenshin angrily. "Where is she?"

"She's busy Kenshin," said Dr. Gensai. "But…but I can help you. Just put the pointy thing away. I don't want to die. I haven't sued somebody for copyright infringement yet."

"Well," said Kenshin. "I'll probably end up dead anyway, so I'll let you have a whack at it."

"Good," said Dr. Gensai. "Come to my office."  
Kenshin, still holding Dr. Gensai hostage at the end of his sword, dragged him to his office.

"Now what seems to be the problem my dear boy?" asked Dr. Gensai.

"I drank a Beijing Cocktail today that's stopping adrenaline from being made in my body," said Kenshin.

"That'll kill you," said Dr. Gensai.

"What can you do?" asked Kenshin.

"I'll have to look into that," said Dr. Gensai. "For now just keep active to keep your adrenaline flowing."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Hey, do you have anything to keep me going? I feel groggy."

Dr. Gensai pulled a bag out of one of his drawers.

"I have my emergency bag of sugar," said Dr. Gensai.

"Gimme," said Kenshin.

He took the bag and ripped it open. Then he started pouring the bag in his mouth.

"Don't guzzle it all!" shrieked Dr. Gensai as he took the bag away.

"Thanks Doc," said Kenshin. "I better get going. I have to figure out who did this. Also, can I have a writing implement and some paper? I might want to make a will sometime."

Dr. Gensai pulled out a pen and some paper and gave it to him.

Then he flew out of the office.

"Who would do this to me?" thought Kenshin as he ran down the street. "Maybe Saito…nah. He would just efficiently push a sword through my head. How about Kaoru? Nah. She's already using her ultimate weapon, marriage. Aoshi could work though. He couldn't beat me in a fight in a million years. His only hope would be to cheat."

He headed down to Aoshi's mansion to maybe get some answers to this puzzle.

When he arrived the gate was closed and locked.

"Damn it," said Kenshin to himself. "I have two options. I can either jump over the wall to get in or I can destroy the gate to get in. What should I do?"

He then thought for a moment.

"I know!" said Kenshin to himself. "I'll destroy the gate. It'll be more fun than climbing over the stupid wall.

Kenshin then took a few steps back from the gate, unsheathed his sakabatou and got into position.

"One…two…three!" yelled Kenshin.

He then performed the Doryusen, causing the gate to break into a few big chunks.

"Excellent!" said Kenshin to himself as he sheathed his weapon. "Now all I have to do is find Aoshi and fight him like there's no tomorrow. What am I talking about? Of course there's no tomorrow, well, at least for me that is."

He then charged through the gate.

"I don't have much time," said Kenshin to himself as he ran. "I have to find him before I die. I can feel my body starting to wear down."

He then got to the door that was straight up ahead.

"I hope that they are stupid enough," said Kenshin to himself as he reached for the doorknob, "That since they locked the front gate they didn't feel that it wouldn't be necessary to lock the front door then."

He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

"Excellent," said Kenshin to himself. "Thank Buda for stupid people."

He then rushed inside and down the hallway.

"I wish Megumi wasn't married," said Aoshi to himself as he was walking through some gigantic room, "Because she's fine. I wouldn't mind her giving me an examination."

"Aoshi!" yelled Kenshin as he ran into the room. "I am here to fight you because you showed lust for Megumi, who's married."

He then unsheathed his weapon.

"That doesn't even make any sense," said Aoshi. "One you're not even married to her. And second, I just made that remark now. How could you be here to attack me for something that I just said now?"

"I can see into the future," said Kenshin. "So, does that mean that you're not going to fight then?"

"I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression," said Aoshi. "Yeah, I'll fight you. And this time I'll prove I'm the strongest by beating you fair and square."

"He's still delusional," thought Kenshin. "He still thinks he can beat me fair and square. That means he wasn't the person who made that poisonous drink. Uh oh."

Aoshi drew his two Kodachi.

"Mark my words and mark them well," said Aoshi. "I will send you straight to hell. Ososugi de Ugoki."

Aoshi went into his move.

"That's original," said Kenshin. "All I have to do is wait for the moment where you switch from a defensive to an offensive position to perform kaiten kenbu."

"Goku Juuji," said Aoshi.

He came at Kenshin with full force.

Kenshin saw this out of the corner of his eye and flipped his sword upside down in front of him. Aoshi's two kodachi slammed right into Kenshin's sword but the ends of the blades cut him in the chest. Kenshin stumbled backwards.

"Hi ryu sen!" shouted Kenshin.

He put his sword back into the sheath and flung it out just like an arrow. Aoshi, reacting quickly, did the onmyou hasshi. The first kodachi hit Kenshin's sword and knocked it out of the way. The kodachi behind it kept flying and hit Kenshin in the shoulder. He flew into the wall, pinned to it. Aoshi picked up his first kodachi and ran over to Kenshin. He swung up and hit him in the chest to stun him. Then he pulled the kodachi out of his shoulder and smashed the hilt of it into Aoshi's shoulder. He went flying backwards onto the floor. He staggered to his feet.

Kenshin came charging at him. Aoshi blocked Kenshin's sword swing with his Kodachi. Then Kenshin swung again. He rolled underneath it and got back up on his feet and ran over to his second kodachi.

"Now the crap hits the fan," said Aoshi as he picked it up.

Kenshin charged at him again. When he got close enough he slashed his sword at him, but Aoshi put it in a vice by putting one Kodachi on one side of the sword and the other one on the other side. Then he twisted it down and kicked him in the side.

Kenshin stumbled backwards a bit and then jumped into the air.

"Kaiten kenbu rokuren," snarled Aoshi.

"Modified ryu tsui sen!" screamed Kenshin.

He slashed down at Aoshi with his sword in his right hand and sheath in his left. This blocked all of Aoshi's attacks and then he hit him in the collar with his sword and sheath. Aoshi fell backwards and crashed into the floor. He lay there moaning.

"This was better than doing it with Kaoru, "said Kenshin. "Actually loosing this fight would have been better that doing it with Kaoru. So this is on some weird plane I don't understand."

He knelt over by Aoshi.

"Pain is your friend," said Kenshin. "It means you're alive."

"Yeah," mumbled Aoshi. "Which means I can come after you again. I'll beat you one of these days."

"Whatever gets you through the day," said Kenshin.

He took off.

"I have to get to the marketplace as fast as I can," said Kenshin to himself as he was running through the front gate. "There has to be some stuff there that can keep my adrenaline pumping."

He kept on chugging along.

When he reached the marketplace, he just kept on running, even though it felt like his legs were going to fall off. He first tried to run around everyone, but then he realized that it was taking more time than he had. So he decided instead to just plow through everyone. He ran through the hordes of people like a knife through butter.

"Hmm," thought Kenshin to himself as he kept pushing through everyone, "Where should I go now? I know. I'll head to the Akebako. I'm sure that they have something that can keep me going."

When he got to a corner he turned around it and kept running.

After a few more minutes of running, Kenshin spotted a huge man a few feet in front of him standing next to some wall.

"Oh man," said Kenshin to himself. "I'm going to have to deviate from my linear path. I can't get through him."

Then he thought for a moment.

"No," he thought. "I must keep going straight. I must shave off as much travel time to the Akebako as possible. Right now, it's the best place for my survival."

Kenshin ran right up to him.

"Out of my way, Lord Lard!" yelled Kenshin.

Kenshin shoved him to the side.

In fact, Kenshin shoved him so hard that the guy crashed through the wall and fell on some lady on the other side.

After a minute or two, Kenshin made it to the Akebako.

"Good!" said kenshin to himself as he stopped in front of the door. "I made it within a reasonable time frame. Now it's time to rock."

Kenshin opened the door and walked in.

"I need coffee!" screamed Kenshin as entered the establishment.

"Kenshin?" said Tae as she came up to him. "What are you doing?"

"Cut the crap," said Kenshin. "I need coffee, and fast."

"Now, hold on," said Tae. "You just can't come into this establishment and start ordering us around here like slaves. It's true that we're here to serve you, but you have to treat us with respect and dignity.

"Listen you stupid wench," said Kenshin "I have my wallet with me and there's tons of money in it. I am willing to pay any price for as much coffee as you got."

He then pulled out his wallet.

Tae just stared at it with her eyes wide open.

"Don't just stand there!" yelled Tae as she turned around and looked at Tsubame. "Get this man some coffee!"

"But…" whimpered Tsubame.

"Do it!" yelled Tae.

"Yes," whimpered Tsubame.

She then ran into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Kenshin," said Tae. "Tsubame sometimes acts like a deer in headlights and acts like a thought doesn't go through her head. We'll fix that right away."

Tsubame then came back with a tray with several cups of coffee on it.

Kenshin took each cup of coffee off the tray and chugged it down one by one.

"Thanks," said Kenshin as he was finished. "So, how much do I owe you?"

"Whatever you have in you wallet," said Tae.

"Okay," Kenshin then handed her the wallet.

"I'll see you later," said Kenshin. "I have to split."

He then ran back out the door.

Tae then opened the wallet and looked inside.

"Excellent!" she said. "There's probably more money in here than we've ever collected in one day. Let this be a lesson to you Tsubame. Never say no to a customer's demands."

"Can I ask a question?" said Tsubame.

"Huh, yeah sure," said Tae.

"Why was Kenshin acting like that?" said Tsubame. "He never acts like that."

"I don't know why?" said Tae as she closed the wallet. "I assume that Kaoru's cooking eventually fried his brain and he went nuts."

"That makes sense," said Tsubame.

Kenshin kept running down the street again.

"I'm going to need more money," thought Kenshin to himself, "So that I can buy more things to keep my adrenaline up. But I can't get it from Kaoru because there's no way in hell that she's going to give me any. She'll first ask me what happened to the amount that I had before and when I tell that I blew it all on coffee, that's it. I'll never see a yen again in my entire life. I'll have to go borrow from someone else, but who? Wait! I have it!"

He kept on running.

He finally reached his destination with no time to waste. He rapped on the door and waited for an answer.

"If it's you again Dr. Gensai with one of your stupid jokes," said the voice from behind the door, "I'll tell you one of mine, and it'll consist of my foot going up your ass."

The door then opened up to reveal Katsu.

"Kenshin?" he said. "What do you want? Did Kaoru finally throw you out of the house."

"No," said Kenshin. "I'm not that lucky. Listen, I need to borrow some money."

"Don't you have some money from Kaoru?" he said.

Kenshin stopped to think for a moment. He didn't want to tell him the entire saga of him and the Beijing Cocktail. He was sick off that story. So, instead, he just pulled something out of his ass.

"I did," said Kenshin, "But I ended up spending it all. You see, I spent all my money on fireworks. It's my new addictive hobby that took over my life. I just can't get enough of collecting fireworks."

"Now," said Katsu, "Do you just collect them, or do you actually use them."

"Both," said Kenshin. "Now can I have the money or not?"

"If I give you some money, are you going to spend it on you addiction?" said Katsu.

"Probably," said Kenshin.

"Okay," said Katsu. "Here you go."

He pulled his wallet out, took some yen out, and gave it to Kenshin.

"Now listen," said Katsu. "I gave you 3,613.35 yen. That should be enough to hold you over until Kaoru gives you some more money. However, I will expect you to pay me back sometime in the near future, like next week sometime."

Kenshin thought about this.

"Crap!" thought Kenshin. "I'm going to have to pay this bozo back. Wait a minute! I don't have to do. I'll probably be dead by then. And if I'm not, I'll just stop doing things that will increase my adrenaline and die when he comes hounding me for the money."

"Sure," said Kenshin. "I agree to your terms. You will receive your money by the end of next week."

"Great," said Katsu. "I'll come buy sometime then."

He went back inside and shut the door.

"Onward I ride," said Kenshin to himself.

He then ran off to find something to spend his newfound money on.

"I've eaten sugar," thought Kenshin as he kept on running, "I've fought Aoshi, and I've drank coffee. There has to be one more stupid thing left in this city that can keep my adrenaline up."

He then thought back to Yahiko telling him all the things that could increase his adrenaline levels.

"I have an idea," he thought. "There's no time to lose."

He kept plowing his way through people like usual until he got to the correct stand.

"I need porn!" yelled Kenshin as he rushed up to the stand that sold erotic and non-erotic caricature.

Some people in the area just stared at him in complete shock. They couldn't believe somebody was that desperate for that stuff.

"Okay," said the man behind the counter. "What kind do you want? I have…"

"What do you think?" shouted Kenshin. "I want the ones with the naked women."

"Okay," said the man. "Which ones do you want that fall under that genre?"

Kenshin picked out all the ones that he thought were the best.

"Your total comes to 2,406.50 yen," said the man.

"Here," said Kenshin.

Kenshin then gave him the money.

"Glad to do business with you," said the man. "Enjoy."

"Yeah, sure," said Kenshin.

All the people around looked at him as he grabbed all the caricature that he had just purchased.

As he was running through the crowd, he held on to his pictures tightly, so that they wouldn't escape him.

Kenshin then all of a sudden couldn't run anymore. He was just too tired.

"I have to stop," thought Kenshin. "I'm just too tired."

He stopped and walked to a wall, leaned next to it, and sat down.

"I should be okay," thought Kenshin. "I have these pictures to keep my adrenaline going.

He then began looking through his private stash.

"Hey," he said as he was looking at one of the pictures. "This one's pretty nice."

He then sorted through the pile.

"Why can't Kaoru look like this?" he said as he was looking at another picture.

He kept looking through the pictures until he realized something.

"This is keeping my adrenaline up, but not as much as I thought," he thought.   
I'm going to have to find something else."

He then pondered for a moment.

"I didn't think it was going to come to this," he thought, "But I have no choice. I know what I must do."

He held tightly onto his stash and started running back home.

But before that he quickly stopped off at Sano's house.

"Sano," said Kenshin as he walked into the house. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure," said Sano as he was sitting on the ground by Notaro, while reading the newspaper.

"I bought a whole stash of erotic caricature," said Kenshin, "Because it would keep my adrenaline up. The problem is that I can't let Kaoru find out because she'd kill me if she did. I can't explain to her why I bought these things because she wouldn't care. I also can't hide these in the house because no matter where I would hide them, she'd find them. So I was wondering if you could keep these here for me?"

"Sure," said Sano. "If I can hide a candy bag from Megumi, I can hide erotic caricature from her too."

"Thank you," said Kenshin as he walked up to Sano and handed over his stash. "Now, you will have to excuse me because I have to do the one thing that will increase my adrenaline over all else. I don't want to do it, but I have no choice."

"You don't mean…" said Sano.

"I'm afraid so," said Kenshin.

"Well," said Sano, "I wish you the best of luck."

"Thanks," said Kenshin.

He then walked back out of the house.

"Hmm," said Sano to himself. "I wonder what we got here."

He then started to look through the pictures.

"Man," he said after he looked at a couple of them, "These women are pretty good, but they just can't stand up against Megumi. She completely wipes the floor with them."

Kenshin ran back to his house as fast as he could (after all, time wasn't on his side). He rushed into the house and found Kaoru in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" asked Kenshin.

"I'm getting stuff ready for supper," said Kaoru.

"How about you take a break from your work?" asked Kenshin.

"You know I can't," said Kaoru. "I'm the only link holding this debauchery of a family together. If I don't do the work, the household will collapse into oblivion."

"Would you let that happen if the break was intimacy?" asked Kenshin.

Kaoru stopped what she was doing and shoved him into the bedroom at the speed of light.

"Aren't you going to ask why?" asked Kenshin.

"You wanted to do it," said Kaoru. "That's all that matters to me."

(Normally this is the part of the story where we would go into graphic detail of the activities that happen, but I don't think any of you want to see that. So instead we're going to break away to a shot of the wind chime, which is blowing in the breeze, outside the house we all know and love.)

A half an hour went by before Kenshin and Kaoru got done with whatever they were doing.

Kaoru got dressed and tried to leave the bedroom.

"Oh come on," said Kenshin. "My country's ready to open international trade again."

"No way," said Kaoru. "I'm closing my boarders. This has to be the first time I want to drop out first. As much as I like to do it, even I can't last forever."

Kaoru left the room.

"Damn," thought Kenshin. "Well, at least I should be okay for a while."  
He put his clothes on and left the room.

He walked outside into the sun. Kenji was sitting on the stoop.

"What did you think of the drink Yahiko made you earlier today?" asked Kenji.

"Yahiko made it?" asked Kenshin.

"Yep," said Kenji. "I can't believe he didn't tell you."

"So he poisoned me," thought Kenshin. "That little bastard. But why would he do that? Maybe he wanted the dojo, Kenji, or Kaoru…scratch Kaoru. Maybe he's just mean. Well whatever it was, I can't let him get away with it. I probably won't make it but at least I can get my revenge on him."

"Where's Yahiko now?" asked Kenshin.

"At home," said Kenji.

Kenshin put his arm on Kenji's shoulder.

"Remember one thing," said Kenshin.

"What?" asked Kenji.

"There's no cure for marriage," said Kenshin. "The only way to stop it is abstinence."

Kenshin whisked over to Yahiko's house. He got up to the door and knocked. After a couple of seconds the door opened.

"What in the name of second rate parodies do you want?" asked Yahiko.

Then he realized it was Kenshin.

"Kenshin?" asked Yahiko. "Shouldn't you be keeping your adrenaline up or something?"  
"I have," said Kenshin. "And I've also tried to find a cure, but there isn't any. So instead I'm going to take the person who did this to me down with me: you."

"Uh…" thought Yahiko.

Kenshin grabbed him by his shirtsleeve and dragged him out of the doorway and onto the grass.

"Take out your weapon," said Kenshin. "This is the grand finale and I don't want it to fall dead in the water."

Yahiko drew his shinai. Then they stood there for a few minutes just staring at each other, glaring into each other's eyes.

"Here I go!" shouted Yahiko.

Kenshin got his sakabato into a defensive position. Yahiko ran up to him and ran past him screaming.

"Ah!" yelled Yahiko as he ran away.

"Come back here you baby!" screamed Kenshin.

Then he took after him.

He chased him down the road towards the marketplace. Kenshin threw his sheath at Yahiko's legs. It flew in between them and tripped him. He fell to the ground on his back.

Kenshin ran towards him and jumped on him. He swung his sakabato down but Yahiko blocked it.

"Die!" yelled Kenshin as he kept pushing the sakabato towards Yahiko.

"I will," said Yahiko. "Just not now."

He wrapped his legs around Kenshin's leg and twisted it. Kenshin tripped and fell to his knees. Yahiko stumbled back to his feet.

"Forbidden Technique Wrath of the end of the Era!" screamed Yahiko.

He kicked Kenshin right in the tripod. Then he took off running.

"Do ryu sen!" yelled Kenshin after he came to.

A wave of dirt and rocks flew at Yahiko. He rolled out of the way and then ran through it.

Kenshin ran after him again.

They got down to the market place and Kenshin saw a stand by Yahiko. He jumped on it and swung at him. Yahiko parried all his swings and then Kenshin slammed his sakabato down. Yahiko slanted his shinai and Kenshin's sakabato slid down it into the stand and got stuck. Then he jumped in the air and hit Kenshin in the head with his shinai. He ran away again.

Kenshin yanked his sword out of the stand and went after him again. He lost track of Yahiko and kept running until he turned the corner. Then he spotted him again.

He ran over to him and jumped over him. Then he swung his sakabato in a circle. He hit Yahiko in the chest and he went flying onto the ground.

"He's better then I expected," thought Yahiko. "Oh wait, what the hell am I talking about. It's Kenshin."

He ran up to Kenshin and tried to stab him. Kenshin dodged to the left and swung his sword upwards at Yahiko. Yahiko grabbed Kenshin's sword and shoved it back into him. Then he stabbed him in the gut with his shinai.

Kenshin stepped backwards and Yahiko put up his shinai. Then Kenshin jumped at him.

He slashed his sakabato down at Yahiko, but he blocked it. His sakabato slid down the blade and hit the cross-guard. Kenshin pushed on it and lifted himself over Yahiko. He flipped over him and hit him in the side.

"This calls for desperate measures," groaned Yahiko.

He turned around.

Kenshin charged at him.

"Hadome!" shrieked Yahiko.

He crossed his arms above his head.

Kenshin slammed his sakabato down and it landed on Yahiko's crossed arms. Then Yahiko ran forward to shove the hilt of his shinai into Kenshin. At the last second Kenshin let go of his sakabato. Yahiko lost his balance and stumbled forward. Kenshin moved out of the way and he sailed to his knees.

"He stopped my ultimate move," thought Yahiko. "I only have one choice left. I have to get away."

He got up and ran down the road.

"This is getting old," said Kenshin. "But it shouldn't be long now. He's a kid; he has to be tired by now."

While Yahiko was running he saw a hot air balloon sitting on the ground next to a stand. He ran up to it and jumped inside.

"Come on," said Yahiko to himself as he was trying to untie it. "Untie."

Then Kenshin came into view. He went up to the hot air balloon just as Yahiko untied it. He jumped up and grabbed the side. As the hot air balloon rose into the air, he pulled himself up into it.

"No!" screamed Yahiko. "You're not supposed to get me! I'm supposed to escape while laughing my ass off at you!"

"How do you think I feel!" yelled Kenshin. "I'm fighting a ten year old kid!"

Then he went after him. They rumbled around in the hot air balloon for a few minutes. They kicked each other, punched each other, and even bit each other.

Kenshin grabbed Yahiko and put him against the side of the balloon.

"I'm the good guy," said Kenshin. "So that means I was always destined to win."

"If you're the good guy," asked Yahiko. "Then how can I do this?"

He slid under Kenshin's legs and shoved his shoulder into Kenshin's back. He fell over the side of the balloon, but he grabbed Yahiko's arm dragging him over too. Both of them went freefalling to the ground below.

Kenshin was shooting down to the ground face-up.

"Well I guess this is it," said Kenshin. "At least I got my revenge."

He pulled out his pen and paper.

"Now it's time to do that will," he said.

He started writing.

"I was poisoned with a Beijing Cocktail by Yahiko Myojin and I'm going to die. So I guess I'll leave all my stuff to the Japanese government. Goodbye me friends and family. It's been…fun?"

"I wish I could of figured out who gets what of my stuff, but there's not enough time for that," said Kenshin.

And on that note he hit the ground.

The End

All of a sudden, Kenshin woke up.

"I'm still alive?" asked Kenshin. "That's weird. How could this have happened?"

He looked around. As it turned out, him and Yahiko fell onto a cart of chinchilla fur that a guy was pulling. A crowd of people was standing around him.

"Kenshin" yelled Kaoru as she came running up to him. "Are you okay?"

"I did die!" gasped Kenshin. "And I went to hell! Kaoru's here!"

She slugged him in the head.

"By the way," asked Kenshin, "Why are you here?"

"A rumor was spreading around," said Kaoru, "That you were fighting Yahiko here, so I came to check it out."

"Ah," moaned Yahiko as he sat up. "Kenshin, what are you, gay-tarded? That whole Beijing Cocktail was just a prank."

"You mean that I was never poisoned to begin with?" said Kenshin. "That's great!"

"What's going on?" said Kaoru.

"Yahiko tricked me into thinking that I was poisoned," said Kenshin. "And the only way to keep myself alive was to keep my adrenaline going."

"Oh, did he?" said Kaoru.

She pulled out her Punishments for Yahiko book.

"This looks good," she said.

She turned her attention towards Yahiko.

"For pulling that prank on Kenshin," she said, "You have to be my helper for one day, starting now. And first up is shopping."

Yahiko tried to suffocate himself in the chinchilla fur, but Kaoru pulled him out of the cart.

Sano, Megumi, and Notaro came up to him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kenshin.

"Same thing as Kaoru," said Sano.

"Are you hurt?" asked Megumi.

"Yeah," said Kenshin.

Megumi just stood there.

"Aren't you going to help me?" said Kenshin.

"Nah," said Megumi. "I just wanted to know if you were hurt or not, that's all. It serves you right. Yahiko shouldn't have tricked you, but you shouldn't have believed him. You took this way too overboard. You really embarrassed yourself this time."

"Yeah, yeah," said Kenshin as he stood up. "But you know, this whole incident got me thinking. I shouldn't take life for granted. I should appreciate it and do something worthwhile you know."

"Maybe he did learn something from this," muttered Megumi.

Notaro started walking around in circles while sniffing the ground.

"Look Kenshin," said Sano. "Notaro's doing the potty dance. Let's bet on where he's going to go."

"I'm there," blurted Kenshin.

Him and Sano went to watch Notaro.

"I think I need to be examined for thinking Kenshin might learn a lesson from something," muttered Megumi.

She walked over to them.

The End


	35. Episode 35

FAMILY DUDE

"You dumbass!" yelled Megumi.

"I'm sorry," said Sano. "I didn't know that's what he wanted. I thought he was playing."

"You thought he was playing?" said Megumi. "How stupid can you be?"

"Hey," said Sano, "It's not as easy as it sounds. He could've confused anybody, even you?"

"I doubt that. Now let me get this straight. Notaro hitting the door with his paw and whining somehow got translated in your brain to mean that he was playing."

"Yes."

"Moron. Notaro does not play like that. In fact, no dog on this earth plays like that. In fact, that thing Notaro was doing was the universal dog gesture for "I have to get outside in the next two minutes to go potty or I'm going to piss and/or crap all over your floor."

"Whoopsie," said Sano while he was making a fake smile.

"Now as punishment for this complete act of retardedness," said Megumi. "You will be sentenced to janitorial duties. You will clean this mess up."

"Hey," said Sano. "That's not so bad."

"Also," said Megumi, "After you clean this mess up, you will be sentenced to manual labor. You will have to chop wood for the bathtub fireplace. Then as your last, and most severe punishment, you will be sentenced to solitary confinement. You will sleep in here tonight by yourself. In other words, all chances of getting 'action tonight' have been decimated. Now get to work."

She began to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" said Sano.

"I'm going to go sew a kimono that I ripped yesterday," she said as she walked through the door. "I swear those are the cheapest pieces of crap…"

She walked out of hearing range.

Notaro walked into the room, sat down, and stared at Sano.

"This is all your fault," said Sano to Notaro. "If you didn't have to make waste, this would've never happened."

Notaro barked.

"Shove it up your furry little butt hole," said Sano.

Sano then left the room to go retrieve some towels for his janitorial duties.

"Here we are!" said Kamishimoemon as he and two others stood on the outskirts of the city. "The great capital of Japan: Tokyo!"

"I don't think it's so great," said Uki. "It's just like every other city. It has people, buildings, food, and overly priced novelty items."

"But it has a harbor," said Kamishimoemon.

"Whoop de do," said Uki as she spun her finger in the air.

"Oh shut up," said Kamishimoemon. "This is a great place for a vacation. Now let's head into town and find an inn before they all fill up."

"They're not all going to fill up," said Uki.

"You don't know that Uki," said Kamishimoemon. "There could be a huge convention…"

"Will you two stop your fighting?" said Outa. "You're both acting like retarded twits, so stop it. I don't want to have another vacation where it ends with people thinking that we were inmates who escaped from an insane alyssum!"

"Fine," said Kamishimoemon. "Let's go then."

All three of them picked up their luggage and headed into the city.

"This is so stupid," said Sano to himself as he was chopping wood in the backyard. "I didn't mind cleaning up the dog poop and dog pee because that was easy. This, though, is different. This is actually work. Sure, I like to destroy stuff, just like any normal man does, but this is tiring and repetitive."

"Oh, stop your whining," said Megumi as she was picking vegetables from their garden.

"You know," said Sano. "I never understood that garden. It would be much easier and more efficient just to buy the vegetables in town than growing our own."

"Yes," said Megumi, "But having your own garden has its own advantages. It saves us money in the long run and you get that extremely satisfying feeling of nurturing a living thing and watching it grow."

"I can understand how it saves us money," said Sano, "But not the feeling of nurturing a living thing and watching it grow."

"Of course you wouldn't," said Megumi as she continued putting vegetables into her basket, "You're just a simple-minded unsophisticated barbaric brute who only knows how to destroy, not create."

"Yeah," said Sano, "That sounds about right."

"I don't hear any chopping," chirped Megumi.

"Fine," said Sano.

He then put a log on the tree stump that he was using.

"Oh, after you're done with that," said Megumi, " I need you to head into town to purchase a barrel of rice. We're running low."

"Hey," said Sano, "That wasn't part of the original punishment plan."

"I know," said Megumi, "But I can do anything I want. I'm the woman of the house."

"Gee," said Sano. "I wish I was the woman of the house."

He then paused for a second.

"What the hell did I just say?" said Sano. "Of course I don't want to be the woman of the house. I'm a regular normal guy who wants to be the man of the house."

"Sorry," said Megumi. "The man of the house position is already taken by Notaro."

"Damn him," said Sano. "Damn him to hell."

"I don't hear chopping," chirped Megumi again.

"Curse you devil woman!" yelled Sano as he angrily shook his fist in the air.

"Are you sure you know where the inns are?" said Uki as they kept walking. "It seems like we're going to nowhere, and fast."

"Of course I do," said Kamishimoemon. "I know this city like the back of my own hand."

"That's impossible," said Uki. "This is the first time that you've been here."

"She does have a point," said Outa.

"Do you two have to ruin everything?" said Kamishimoemon. "Listen, just be quiet and not question anything more I say no matter how illogical or ridiculous it may sound."

"Fine, whatever," said Uki and Outa at the same time.

Carrying their luggage, they headed towards the great city.

"I'm going to get the rice," said Sano as was leaving the backyard. "And I might never come back. If that were to happen, you'd be stuck all alone with the dog."

"That's okay," said Megumi as she was still putting vegetables in her basket. "I like the dog better than you anyway."

"Yeah," said Sano as he turned around. "You think that would be really great, wouldn't you? Well, let's see him keep you warm during the middle of the night."

"Well, duh," said Megumi. "Of course he could. He's a big warm hairball."

"Well…ah, screw it," said Sano. "I give up. I'm just going to go get the rice."

He then turned around and headed towards town with sounds of Megumi laughing hysterically in the background.

"Stupid dog," mumbled Sano as walked with his hands in his pocket. "It can do everything that I can, probably more. Also, if Megumi loves it so much, why didn't she marry it then?"

He kept walking around until he found the place that sells rice, along with other things that are not important because he only needed rice.

"I'm sick of rice," mumbled Sano as he went up to the stand. "I wish someone would invent a new grain product."

"Greetings," said the woman enthusiastically. "Welcome to my shop. My name is Kagome. I am the largest supplier of rice in the city. If anyone else tells you otherwise, they're lying."

"Yes, I'm sure you are," said Sano sarcastically. "Now, I would like one barrel of rice."

"Okay," said Kagome. "But what kind? I have all different types. I have white rice, brown rice, black rice, forbidden rice, red rice, and puffed rice. They each have their own unique flavor and color. For example…"

"White rice is fine," said Sano.

"Okay," said Kagome, "That will be 2,443.70 yen please. Whoops. I made a mistake. The real total is1,221.85 yen. Sorry for that. I sometimes get confused. I'd loose my head if it weren't attached to my shoulders."

"I can believe that," said Sano.

He then gave her the money and took the barrel of rice.

"Thank you so much," said Kagome. "I hope that you will remain a customer for life and shop here many times in the future. Now I hope that you have a super fantastic day."

"Yeah, bye," said Sano.

He then took the barrel and left.

"Man," thought Sano, "What a twit. That lady was really annoying. I hope I never have to deal with her again. I am so glad that Megumi isn't like that. Otherwise I'd go nuts.

"You do realize dad," said Outa, "That we passed some inns a while back."

"Yes," said Kamishimoemon, "But I didn't like any of them."

"What?" said Outa. "You didn't even go inside any of them."

"I didn't have to," said Kamishimoemon. "I could just tell."

"Whatever," said Outa.

Just then, Kamishimoemon noticed someone in the crowd.

"Hey," said Kamishimoemon as he watched the man. "That person looks familiar. But I can't put my finger on it. Who the hell is he?"

"Is dad having one of his episodes again?" asked Outa.

"I hope not," said Uki.

"Wait," said Kamishimoemon. "I know who that is."

He then began to run.

"Damn it," said Uki. "I think it is. Come on Outa. We have to stop him before someone gets hurt."

They both ran after him.

"I wish Megumi wasn't so stuck in her ways," thought Sano, as he was lugging the barrel. "I would have loved to have brought one of the other kinds of rice, so that I could try it. But if I did that, Megumi would go nuts. I have no idea how she can eat the same kind of food over and over again. You need variety. Life is so short that you should try as many different things as possible."

Kamishimoemon kept running towards Sano until he collided with him. They both tumbled to the ground along with some bags and the almighty rice barrel.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" said Sano he got off the ground. "I was carrying a rice barrel."

He then looked around until he found it. It was just lying on its side, completely unharmed.

"You better thank your lucky stars that the rice didn't spill out of this," said Sano as he picked it up, "Or you'd be in one of these barrels right now floating down a river somewhere."

"I am so sorry," said Uki as she and Outa came running up. "Our father has these periodic episodes where he goes completely nuts."

"Yeah," said Sano. "If that's the case, you might want to start getting that under control."

Kamishimoemon, lying face down, looked up right at Sano.

"Sano," said Kamishimoemon. "I can't believe it. I finally found you."

"Dad?" said Sano. "What are you doing here?"

He then realized something else.

"That means…" he said as he looked at Uki, "You're my little sister Uki."

He then looked at Outa.

"And I have no idea who the hell you are," he said.

"Sano?" said Uki. "I didn't even think you were still alive. I thought that you died in the Sekihoutai."

"Oh, that's a nice thing to say," said Sano.

"Dad?" said Outa. "What's going on?"

"Simple my boy," said Kamishimoemon as he pulled himself off the ground and dusted himself off. "This is Sano. He's my oldest son and your older brother."

"What!?" yelled Outa. "I have an older brother? Why didn't you guys tell me?"

"We didn't see any reason to," said Kamishimoemon.

"Do I have any more brothers and sisters that I don't know about?" yelled Outa.

"I can honestly say no," said Kamishimoemon. "You three our the only children that I and Naname ever produced."

"I forgot," said Sano. "Where's mom? Why isn't she here with you guys?"

"She died giving birth to Outa," said Kamishimoemon. "See, when you leave to join a military force at the age of eleven, you tend to miss a lot."

"Dad," said Uki. "Don't start that crap again. Outa and I didn't come all the way here to hear you bitch at Sano about leaving home when he was eleven years old. Besides, this is the first time that he heard about what happened to mom. Don't make this any harder. So, back off."

"She's dead?" said Sano as tears began to form in his eyes. "I can't believe it."

"Don't feel bad," said Kamishimoemon. "She died doing what she loved best."

"I don't think giving birth was her favorite thing to do," said Uki.

"Sure it was," said Kamishimoemon. "She loved kids. Therefore, she must off enjoyed giving birth to them."

"I give up," said Uki.

"Wait a minute," said Sano. "I can't believe that I'm here feeling sorry for myself, while Outa has it the worst. He never even got to meet her."

"Hey, that's right," said Outa as he began to look depressed.

"Nice going," said Kamishimoemon. "You had to make Outa remember that. Now he's going to be sad for Buda knows how long. Is there anything else that you can screw up?"

"Dad!" yelled Uki. "What did I say before? Lay off Sano. We should be happy right now, not at each other's throats."

"Fine," said Kamishimoemon. "I'll stop being an asshole."

"Hey," said Sano. "Why are you guys here anyway? Is there a festival going on or something?"

"No," said Kamishimoemon. "We're on vacation. We were getting sick of looking at the stuff where we live so we wanted to go somewhere and get sick of looking at the stuff there."

"That's a really nice way of putting it," said Uki sarcastically.

"As for what we were doing right now," said Kamishimoemon, "We were looking for an inn to stay at."

"Well," said Sano, "You can forget that idea. No asshole father, annoying sister, and brother I didn't know about are staying at an inn. You can stay at my house."

"Now, is this a real house?" said Kamishimoemon. "Are you sure that it isn't imaginary?"

"Oh, it's real all right," said Sano.

"Cool," said Kamishimoemon. "Let's get going."

He picked up the bags that he dropped during the collision, and everyone started to head back.

While they were walking, Uki realized something.

"Sano," she said. "How was I annoying to you? I stuck up for you that whole time when dad kept verbally harassing you."

"You're right," said Sano. "That doesn't make any sense. Ah, well."

They kept walking until they reached Sano's house.

"Welcome to my house," said Sano as they went into the front yard. "This is where I live and stuff."

He then took them through the front door and inside.

Notaro was lying on the ground, until he saw all the people. He then got off his lazy butt and went by them.

"This is my dog, Notaro," said Sano. "He's a male and a chow-chow. Apparently, he's also edible. I, however, can't confirm how he tastes because I've never personally tried it myself."

"Sano," yelled Megumi from the back. "Are you talking to yourself again? If you are, please stop it. It annoys the hell out of me and it also creeps me out."

She then walked into the room.

"Who's that?" said Kamishimoemon. "A hooker?"

"What!?" yelled Megumi. "Do you want me to come over there and rip your balls off you little turd?"

"Ooh," said Kamishimoemon. "It's feisty. I like that."

"Oh," said Sano. "I almost forgot. This is my wife Megumi. I married her a while back. She's works at the local clinic. She's a doctor."

"Dad," said Outa. "Is this another secret that you two kept from me?"

"No," said Kamishimoemon. "I can assure you. We had no idea."

"Yeah," said Uki. "We had no idea, just like you."

"How many secrets does this family have?" said Outa.

"Sano," said Kamishimoemon. "How could you get married and never tell us?"

"I guess I just forgot," said Sano.

"One more thing," said Kamishimoemon. "Do I have any grandchildren that I should know about?"

"No," said Sano. "You do not have any grandchildren. We haven't had any kids yet."

"Sano," said Megumi as she came over by them. "Who are these people?"

"This is my dad, Kamishimoemon, my younger sister, Uki, and my younger brother, Outa," said Sano.

"Sano," said Megumi, "Can I please have a word with you in private?"

"Sure, honeybunch," said Sano.

Megumi then left for another room.

"Please excuse me," said Sano. "I have an important marital matter to attend to."

He then followed her into the room.

"Why didn't you tell me that your family was still alive?" said Megumi.

"I guess I forgot to tell you," said Sano. "Any way, they are on vacation and they were looking for an inn to stay at. I told them that they could stay here. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," said Megumi. "Let's go back out there before your father thinks that we're having marital relations or something."

They both went back out by them.

"Okay," said Megumi. "If you come with me, I will show you three where you will be staying for the next couple of days."

"You two go on ahead," said Kamishimoemon. "I want to speak with Sano."

Uki and Outa, carrying their luggage, followed Megumi out of the room.

"You really impressed me," said Kamishimoemon. "Megumi's like a hot little porn chicky."

"Hey," said Sano. "Don't disrespect her."

Sano then paused for a little bit.

"Yeah," he said. "She is like a hot little porn chicky, isn't she?"

"And on top of all that," said Kamishimoemon, "She's a doctor. You really hit the jackpot with her."

"Yeah," said Sano. "I do consider myself very lucky."

"Back to the grandchildren issue," said Kamishimoemon. "You and Megumi do know how to have kids, right?"

"Yes," said Sano, extremely irritated.

"Okay," said Kamishimoemon. "Just checking. Um…one more question. Is it possible that maybe your parts or Megumi's parts aren't working correctly?"

"Listen," said Sano. Our sexual organs work fine. We should know, we've used them enough."

"Right, right," said Kamishimoemon. "As I think about it know, I should've known the answers to these questions already because she is a doctor after all."

"Hey," said Sano, "You want to see the outhouse? It's pretty gross; I haven't cleaned it out in two weeks."

"Sure," said Kamishimoemon. "I'd like that."

They both went off to the all mighty outhouse in the sky…I mean on the side of the house.

"This is where you two will be staying," said Megumi as she opened up the door. "I hope you two don't mind sharing a room. We don't have that much space."

"It's no problem," said Uki. "Our house back home is smaller than this."

They all went into the room, removed the stuff from the bags, and began to put it away.

"I have to go start dinner now," said Megumi. "Is there anything that you don't like?"

"Not really," said Uki.

"I hope you can cook as good as you look," said Outa.

"Excuse me?" said Megumi.

"Uh…," said Uki. "Outa sometimes has these episodes where he'll just spurt out random things that don't have any meaning. Just ignore him."

"Yeah, right," said Megumi. "Well, I have to go now. Dinner won't prepare itself. In the mean time, you can finish putting away your belongings."

She left the room and closed the door.

"Great," said Megumi to herself as she walked to the kitchen. "I'm getting hit on by Sano's younger brother. What is this world coming to?"

In the kitchen, Megumi whipped up some sort of stir-fry that consisted of various vegetables (carrots, peppers, rice, etc.) and seafood (shrimp, lobster, calms, etc.).

"Now I have to the get the table all set," said Megumi to herself.

She went into the eating area with the big bowl of food that she just made. She placed it on the table. She then obtained all the plates, glasses and chopsticks and placed them accordingly on the table as well.

"Perfect," said Megumi, "Now I have to find everyone. This will probably take a half-hour or so."

She left the room and went to the living area.

Inside, she found Uki and Outa playing with Notaro. They were petting him continuously to see if they could make him bald.

"Wow," said Megumi to herself. "That was easy."

She then gave her attention to them.

"I have dinner already out on the table," she said. "You two can head on in there. I'm going to go find Sano and your father."

Uki and Outa left for the food.

"One last thing," said Megumi as they were both walking, "Don't start eating until I return with the men. If you do, you're going to have to face my wrath, and you don't want that."

"Okay," said Uki. "You don't have to worry. You can trust us. We'll, you can trust me at least."

"Hey!" snapped Outa.

Megumi went outside to try and find Sano and Kamishimoemon.

She caught them looking at Sano's Zanbatou.

"Yep," said Sano. "This thing is the biggest sword ever made. It was designed to chop down a horse and its rider in one swing."

"You don't say," said Kamishimoemon.

"It also gets the ladies going," said Sano. "Man, you whip this puppy out and the ladies swarm all over you. I sometimes use this thing to get Megumi in the mood for a little 'physical activity.'"

"That's my boy," said Kamishimoemon. "All the men in our family were pros at getting women revved up, and you're no exception either. They also were pros at the actual act itself."

"Trust me," said Sano. "I'm a pro at that too. I've pleasured Megumi to the point where she thought that she saw Buda."

"As much as I love to hear two men openly discuss my private life without any shame," said Megumi, "It is time for dinner. So if you two would be kind enough to get you butts in the eating area, we could move this shindig along now. "

"Yay," said Kamishimoemon. "I'm starving."

He ran past them as fast as he could.

"Now as for you," said Megumi. "I don't want you to discuss our private life with anyone else besides me, okay? I know that you want to impress your father, but there are some things that should be kept between only you and me. Besides, having our own secrets that nobody else knows about makes them more fun and special anyway. Now, get your butt in that eating area before I kick it in there."

"Okay," said Sano. "You're the boss."

Sano then left for the eating area.

"This is one of those times," said Megumi, "Where I think it would've been better if I had married the dog. At least it's cute and fuzzy."

She went back to the eating area.

"Okay," said Megumi as she came into the room, "We can all start eating."

"Thank Buda you're back," said Uki. "I don't know how long I could've kept Outa from trying to eat all the food. I don't know how much longer I could've held out."

"What the hell are you talking about?" said Outa. "I never tried to eat the food. I just sat here bored out of mind just like you did."

"Enough," said Kamishimoemon. "We are guests in their home. We should be respectful, mind our manners, and act like mature adults."

"Okay," said Outa and Uki simultaneously.

"Now since that's settled," said Kamishimoemon, "Let's have a nice quiet dinner. One last thing, if I don't see food on my plate within the next five seconds, I'm going to rip someone's gonads off."

During the middle of dinner, Kamishimoemon had a realization come to him.

"I completely forgot," said Kamishimoemon. "Sano, how did you meet Megumi anyway? I can't believe that we've been here all this time and never asked. You two must think that I'm the rudest and most ignorant person on this planet."

"Well, actually, "said Sano, "We don't."

"That's right," said Uki. "Please tell. I bet it was so romantic."

"If this is up to the level where I'm going to blow my nose with a pancake (whatever that is)," said Outa, "I'm leaving."

"Well," said Sano, "This is a really long story, but I'll tell you guys anyway. It all began…"

"Pardon my interruption," said Megumi, "But I will help with telling the story at certain parts so that we don't get biased macho male viewpoints that distort the actual events that took place."

"Damn it," said Kamishimoemon.

"Uh…thank you Meg," said Sano as he rolled his eyes. "I have no idea what I would do without you."

"You don't have to thank me," said Megumi. "I'm just doing my job. I'm just offering feminine viewpoints and opinions and letting myself be used as the instrument for entire womankind to speak through."

"Yeah," said Sano. "Let's try this again. It all began…"

(Due to the length of this story, and due to the fact of us being so lazy, we will not be telling this story. However, if you would like to read it, you should please consult episode four, which by the way, is one of our best stories, if we do say so ourselves. It has everything: action, drama, romance, comedy, and tragedy. Well, actually there is no tragedy. I was just on a roll. It's also very well written with lots of detail and clarity. You would have to be a complete blithering idiot to…oh, that's right. We're in the middle of a story here. Uh…back to the story we go!)

"That was stupendous," said Kamishimoemon after Sano had just finished telling it. "That was one of the greatest stories ever told. I just can't get over that fact that you saved the woman you loved from impending doom. I mean, if it wasn't for you, she'd be dead."

"I am right here you know," said Megumi.

"Wow," said Uki. "I hope I meet a man like that someday."

"I just hope I meet a girl who won't run a way when I try to talk to her," said Outa.

"Yep," said Kamishimoemon. "That's what the men in our family have always been good at. Protecting the things and people we cared about or protecting the people who couldn't protect themselves, like in Megumi's case that was illustrated in the story."

"Hello," said Megumi. "Was anybody listening to me during that part of the story? I kicked the asshole in the balls. I'm not totally helpless. I can fend for myself. I don't need a man to survive in today's world."

"I'll help you clean the dishes," said Outa to Megumi.

"You actually offered to do a chore?" said Uki shocked.

"Yeah," said Outa. "It's the least I can do. They did tell us a pretty kickass story after all."

"Oh, yes," said Kamishimoemon. "I almost forgot one more thing. Bravo to the lovely young lady of the house who cooked this exceptionally exquisite meal. You really outdid yourself."

"Right on," said Outa. "It rocked."

"Yes," said Uki. "It was delicious."

Megumi blushed with embarrassment

"Well," she thought to herself, "It's about damn time I get recognized for something else besides my looks."

"Oh, come on now," she said hesitantly. "It wasn't that good."

"Are you kidding?" said Kamishimoemon. "This is an infinite amount of times better than the crap I've been eating ever since my wife died. She was the only one in our house who could cook, and when she went, all decent, edible food went with her."

"Well," she said. "I really do appreciate it. Thank you."

"Come on," said Outa. "The sooner we get the dishes cleaned, the sooner we can screw around and have fun."

Outa and Megumi cleaned the dishes, while Sano and Kamishimoemon messed around with Notaro. Uki also messed around with Notaro, but eventually felt guilty about not doing any work, which then led her to help Outa and Megumi clean the dishes (Not surprisingly, Sano and Kamishimoemon had no problem with not doing any chores).

After Megumi, Outa, and, Uki were done with the dishes they rejoined the men in the living room with the dog. It mostly consisted of them listing to Kamishimoemon tell them tales from his life. Uki and Outa were especially a big help because they helped identify which ones were real, which ones where distorted, and which ones were flat out fake.

Once everyone got bored, they decided to go to bed.

"Hey," said Kamishimoemon before everyone left the room. "Where do I sleep? Uki and Outa were shown to their room, what about me?"

"It's your lucky day," said Sano. "You get the best sleeping space of all. You get to sleep in here. I'll go get your stuff."

Sano left for the sleeping supplies.

He eventually returned with a pillow, a futon, and a blanket.

"Here," said Sano as he dumped them on the floor. "You can make a bed on the ground. Also, I have to warn you about something. You might have to fight Notaro for it."

"That's just great," said Kamishimoemon. "Besides, why do I have to sleep here? Why do Outa and Uki get an actual room?"

"That's easy," said Sano. "We're simply out of rooms. Good night."

He then left for his own room.

As he was walking there, he passed Outa and Uki's room.

He then knocked on it.

"Good night," said Sano to them through the door.

"Good night," they yelled back.

Sano then continued on his way.

"What a day," said Sano as he entered his bedroom. "I didn't expect this to happen."

"Me too," said Megumi, while kneeling on the futon in her nightclothes. "Um…Why didn't you tell me that your immediate family was still alive? Also, why didn't you send them a letter explaining that you got married to me? Is it because you're ashamed of me and you didn't want them to know? Or is it because I am so unimportant to you that you decided to never mention my existence?"

Megumi began to tear up.

"Oh, crap," thought Sano to himself. "She completely took the situation completely out of context and made something up that isn't even close to reality. I have to put an end to this as soon as possible."

Sano came over to the futon and knelt down in front of her.

"First," he said as he put his arms around her and pulled her head into his chest, "Outa was born after I left, so it was impossible for me to know about him. As for Uki and my father, I just completely forgot about them. Since I lived without them longer than I lived with them, they just slipped out of my mind. I became so accustomed to not having a family that I forgot I had one. Besides, it's partially your fault too. You never asked about my family. Lastly, this has nothing to do with me being ashamed of you or thinking that you're not important. I am actually very proud of you and I want to show you off to people. You are the most important thing in my life. This whole situation was caused by my stupidity and you not asking about them in the first place, but mostly my stupidity. That's it."

He then kissed her on the head.

"Yuk," he said. " I got a piece of your hair in my mouth. It's so damn long that it floats everywhere. I think you shed worse than Notaro."

He then reached inside his mouth and pulled it out.

Sano let go and Megumi knelt back up.

"I believe you," she said. "This sounds like something you'd do. You always are doing stupid things. I also will admit that you're right about me being at fault as well. I should've asked about them."

"There you go," he said. "See, I never told you about my family because I forgot about them and because you never asked. And I never told them about you because I forgot to, not because I was embarrassed of you. We were just two idiots who royally screwed up, but you to a much lesser extent though. Now, let's get to bed. I'm exhausted."

"That sounds good," she said. "I have to work tomorrow anyway. I don't want to be treating illnesses and injuries without a full nights sleep."

Sano removed his shirt and headband and threw them both on the floor next to the bed.

He went under the covers, and laid down facing left.

Megumi then did the same, but laid down facing right instead.

However, the last thing they did was exactly the same, and that thing was falling asleep.

The next morning, Uki and Outa came into Sano and Megumi's bedroom.

"We want some breakfast," said Outa and Uki to Sano as they came up to the futon.

"Megumi's in charge of that," said Sano. "You have to ask her."

They both walked around the bed to Megumi's side.

"We want some breakfast," said Outa and Uki.

"Okay," said Megumi. "Just let me get ready for work, and then I'll make something."

"Okay," said Uki and Outa.

They both left the room.

"Geez," said Megumi. "Doesn't anybody knock anymore? When did society become so corrupt?"

"We're spiraling downward, and fast," said Sano sarcastically.

Megumi got off the futon and went to get ready for work.

After she was done doing whatever she does to get ready for work, she made porridge for breakfast.

"This will probably be delicious just like last night's dinner," said Outa while they were all sitting around the table.

"Stop flattering me," said Megumi. "Everyone knows that it's going to blow their minds."

"I have an announcement to make," said Kamishimoemon. "Megumi, due to you being incredibly gorgeous, being an excellent cook, having a career that doesn't require the phrase 'Hello. My name's Megumi and I will be your waitress today', and for the high probability of you being fantastic in bed, Outa, Uki, and I are proud and honored to welcome you into the Higashidani family."

"Wait," said Megumi, "What do you mean 'Higashidani' family?"

"You know," said Kamishimoemon. "It's our last name. It's also your last name. It replaced your maiden name, whatever that was, when you married Sano."

"What?" said Megumi. "I thought your last name was 'Sagara!'

"Where did you get that from?" said Kamishimoemon.

"That's what Sano told me," said Megumi.

"Oo oh," said Sano.

"Really?" said Kamishimoemon. "Sano, do you care to explain why your wife thought that our last name was Sagara and not Higashidani?"

"Uh…," said Sano. "It's quite a funny story really. You see…Oh, hell. Who am I kidding? Of course it's not. After I left you guys at the age of nine, I joined the Seikihoutai, which of course you already knew. Well, we had a captain by the name of Sagara Souzo. After the Seikihoutai was killed off, leaving me and my friend Katsu as the only survivors, I changed my last name to Sagara in memory of him."

Both Megumi and Kamishimoemon were pissed beyond all reason.

"That has to single handedly be the worst thing that you have ever done," said Kamishimoemon. "I think this is even worse then when you ditched us to go join that stupid revolutionary group. I can't believe you replaced our last name with that stupid captain's first name. This is the biggest insult I ever seen. This is completely unforgivable. As of now, I exile you from the Higashidani family. You are no longer my son. I wish that Naname and I never had you."

"What?" said Sano.

"I agree," said Uki. "This is completely unacceptable."

"Yeah," said Outa. "How dare you disgrace us like this."

"You not telling me about your family or telling them about me was bad enough," said Megumi, "But this crossed the line. You lied to me. This means that our whole marriage was a lie. You're not the same person anymore."

"This is partially your fault too," said Sano.

"How?" said Megumi.

"You could've asked me about it," said Sano. "I told you so many stories about Captain Sagara that I thought you would put two and two together and say 'Gee, my last name is the same as the first name of that Seikihoutai captain. Sano, what's going on?' But instead, that idea went right over your head and you never asked me."

"I can't believe it," said Megumi. "You're absolutely right. I should've noticed that, but I didn't. However, it still doesn't change the fact that you deliberately lied to me. Because of that, this is all your fault. It's also all your fault for not telling me about your family. These are things that you should just automatically tell me. These aren't things that I shouldn't have to ask about. I'm going to work."

She then got up from the table.

"Megumi," said Sano. "Listen to me."

"No," said Megumi as tears began to fall from her eyes. "I've had enough of your stupid crap! I never want you see you again. I hate you!"

"Meg…" said Sano.

"Kiss my ass you sick bastard!" said Megumi has she left the room crying uncontrollably.

"We're out of here too," said Kamishimoemon. "We're going to go find an inn somewhere in the city. We're not going to live with someone who brought shame upon this family. I'm ashamed that you're my son. Come on Uki and Outa."

All three of them got up from the table.

"Don't go," said Sano. "I'm sorry."

"Ah, go to hell," said Kamishimoemon.

All three of them left to collect their luggage and headed into the city for an inn.

"Great," said Sano. "I now have just made my family and my wife my mortal enemies. The only thing worse than that would be death. Actually, that would be better."

"Kenji!" yelled Kaoru from outside. "Where is my breast tape?"

"I don't think that you should be yelling that outside," said Kenshin as he was sitting on the porch.

"Oh, shut up," said Kaoru. "Kenji! Bring it back this instant."

Kenji then came by the steps from around the house.

"Geez," said Kenji. "I was trying to dress myself up like a mummy. I wanted to see if I could scare Sano."

"Kenji," said Kenshin, "You didn't have to attempt it. We all knew that it would work."

"I don't want you going through my stuff," said Kaoru as she took the tape away from him. "My things aren't toys."

"I don't know what the big deal is," said Kenji. "It's just some wrapping cloth. It's not like it's used for anything important."

"See," said Kenshin. "That's where you're wrong. If your mother didn't have that, we'd have some jiggling going on, and we don't want that."

"What's 'jiggling'?" said Kenji.

"You're too young for that," said Kaoru. "Now go inside and play with your pillow or something."

"Okay," said Kenji.

He then left.

"There must be something wrong with you," said Kaoru to Kenshin. "Any normal husband would want their wife to jiggle."

"Well," said Kenshin, "That's because they're not married to you."

"You know," said Kaoru. "Sometimes I think you're gay."

"Okay," said Kenshin. "Now you've just crossed the line. Prepare for the most heterosexual man you've ever met."

He then got off the stairs.

"Wow," thought Kaoru. "I wasn't expecting that. All I wanted to do was just question is masculinity and make him angry, but this is much better."

Sano then came marching in and sat down on the stairs while the two of them just watched him.

"I hope this is fast," thought Kaoru. "I was just about to get laid."

"I have a huge problem you guys," said Sano.

"Is this going to be really easy to solve?" said Kaoru.

"No," said Sano. "As a matter of fact, I don't even know if it can be solved."

"Damn," thought Kaoru. "Kenshin will just have to service my lady parts another time."

"Okay," said Kaoru. "Spill it."

Just as Sano was about to tell the tale, Kenji happened to come out the door.

"I was having a pillow fight with myself," said Kenji to Kaoru, "But the pillow won. I then gave up and decided to come back out here."

He then noticed Sano.

"Cool," he said. "Every time Sano comes around something really fun or incredibility dangerous happens."

"Sorry to disappoint you," said Sano. "It's neither this time."

"Oh, tarter sauce," said Kenji as he sat down on the porch by Sano.

Sano then gave his attention to all three of them and told them the entire tale of his family visiting from the very beginning.

"First," said Kaoru after Sano was done, "You should've told us about your family. Second, how you rejected your family's name and lied to Megumi is the most evil and horrid thing that you've ever done."

"I agree," said Kenshin. "Do you have no soul?"

"Yeah," said Kenji. "You sicken me. I can't believe I used you as a role model last month."

"You can stop now," said Sano. "I already know that what I did was unforgivable. After this happened, I immediately thought that I don't deserve her and that there's no reason for her to put up with scumbag like me. I thought it would be better if we just got divorced. And as for my family, I thought that it would be best if they just exiled me. But then I came to the realization that I'm not an evil monster who maliciously hurts others for no reason. I'm just a stupid asshole who doesn't think before he does things. In short, I've decided that I am worthy for Megumi and my family, and that I hope that they feel the same way. The whole point to all of this is that I feel terrible about this whole thing and I want to fix it somehow. Hey, maybe Megumi, my father, and my siblings will just get over it and forgive me in a certain amount of time."

"Not bloody likely," said Kenji.

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "You're screwed. There's no way out of this one."

"Only if I could somehow travel back in time," said Sano, "And tell myself to use my real last name when Megumi and I got married. Yeah. Kenshin, can't you create a time portal with you sword and let me go back?"

"Uh…I don't think so Sano," said Kenshin. "And besides, if you ran into yourself in the past, it could create devastating effects in the future. For example, rice balls could be our rulers, Notaro could be a female, or Kaoru and I could've never been married. Wait, hold that thought. Sano, you must find a way to go back in time. I will even help you if you need it."

"Now, just cool your jets (whatever those are)," said Kaoru.

She then gave her attention to Sano.

"Sano," she said. "As I think of it, there is only one way you can correct this, and even that isn't a guarantee. You're just going to have to talk to everyone and hope that they forgive you."

"You're right," said Sano. "I know what I must do."

He then left for home.

Around noon, he headed to the clinic to talk to Megumi. He decided to talk to her first because he knew where she was. He had no idea which inn his family went too. He chose noon because that was Megumi's lunch period. He didn't want to come in when she was busy with anyone (in a non-sexual way).

When he arrived, she was out on the porch eating some food that Dr. Gensai made. It might have been sushi, but she couldn't tell.

"Oh, great," she said. "It's you. I thought I told you that I never wanted to see you again?"

"Now listen," said Sano. "During the heat of the moment you probably said some things that you didn't really mean, and you're probably doing that now. Okay, so let me explain. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the truth. I didn't realize how big of a deal this was. I'm still the same person you married. Now, can we put this whole ugly thing behind us and move on?"

"No," she said. "You took advantage of my trust and hurt me. How do I know that there aren't any other things you lied to me about or withheld from me? For all I know, you could be banging some stupid skank on the side."

"Now hold on," said Sano. "I can assure you that there is nothing else I have lied to you about or have kept from you. Now as for the "me banging a skank on the side" part, I can definitely assure you that is not true. The only skank I've ever banged was you…Uh, bad choice of words. Well, you know what I mean."

"Yeah right," she said. "I told you. I hate you and I never want to see you again."

She then reached for the finger on her ring and pulled it off.

"This marriage is over," she screamed. "I want a divorce. You can shove this up your ass for all I care."

She then threw it at him.

"But…" muttered Sano.

"Get out of here," she yelled. "I want you out of my life."

"Well," said Sano. "Where are you going to stay then? I can see that it's reasonably safe to assume that you aren't going to come back to our house."

"I'm going to stay here at the clinic," she said. "I told Dr. Gensai about what's going on, and he said that was fine. Now get lost before I make it so you won't be able to tell which gender you are!"

Sano bent down, picked up the ring from his beloved Megumi, and started to leave.

As he was leaving, he could here Megumi talking and crying in the background.

"How could I have been so stupid?" she said. "I was such a fool to have put my trust in him. I am the dumbest person alive."

Sano decided to go back home because he figured that if he went and found his family, the same thing would happen. He figured that before he'd go and find them, he should have some sort of a plan.

"Hey Notaro," said Sano as he walked in the door. "I guess it's just going to be me and you for while, or possibly forever."

He then just sat down next to the wall by Notaro.

The door slid open and standing there was Kenshin and Kaoru.

"We figured that when you said 'I know what I must do' you meant that you were going to go talk with her," said Kaoru. "Well, did you?"

"Yes," said Sano. "She still hates me. Worse, she now hates herself for trusting me in the first place. She even gave me her ring back and said she wanted a divorce."

"The 'D' word," said Kenshin. "It's over. You've lost."

"Be quiet," said Kaoru. "Sano, in a way I do feel sorry for you, but in a way I also don't. This was all your fault. Did you really honestly believe that she would never figure out that your last name was not your real last name?"

"Listen," said Sano. "I feel bad enough as it is. I don't need you to keep shoving this in my face. I just want to be alone. So go."

"Okay," said Kenshin.

He then proceeded to go get Notaro.

"Not him," said Sano. "Just you and Kaoru."

"But if Notaro stays," said Kenshin, "You technically won't be alone."

"Notaro doesn't count," said Sano.

"Whatever," said Kenshin

He then went back to the door by Kaoru.

"That poor thing," said Kaoru as they walked out the door. "I feel so sorry for her."

"But, Notaro's a male," he said.

"Not Notaro," said Kaoru. "Megumi. Geez, can you get that stupid fur ball out of your mind for just one minute?"

"I'm sorry," said Kenshin. "He's addictive."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," said Sano. "I don't want to lose her, but I think that's what's going to happen. I don't think that there's anything I can do to fix this."

He just sat there with Notaro until it was time to eat dinner.

"Well," said Sano, "It's time for dinner. Let me go find something."

He went and found the barrel of rice that he bought yesterday. He then carried it into the room that he was just in.

"Here's your food Notaro," said Sano as he took some of the rice out of the barrel and threw it on the ground.

Notaro came over and started eating it.

"Looks like this is what we'll be eating for a while," said Sano.

Sano then took a handful of rice out of the barrel, sat down on the ground and started eating it.

Sometime around 8:00 pm, the front door slid open.

"Megumi!" said Sano as he looked at the door from the ground. "You came back! So does that mean everything's okay then?"

"No," said Megumi. "I just came here to pick up my clothes and my other belongings. I would appreciate it if you did not get in my way."

She made her way to the bedroom and began packing her stuff.

After she was done, she came back into the room carrying some bags.

"Oh yeah," she said. "I also came for one more thing."

She then took out a leash and collar and put it around Notaro neck.

"He's coming with me," she said.

Notaro got off the ground.

"Why Notaro?" said Sano.

"Because I don't want him living with a heartless scumbag like you," she said.

She then made her way to the front door.

"Wait," said Sano as he went up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Why do you have to do this?" he said. "I told you I was sorry for lying to you about my last name. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"There is nothing you can do," she said. "You hurt me in a way that you possibly can never understand. You hurt me in way that can never be forgiven. Also, I now feel that I can no longer trust you."

"Like I said before," said Sano. "My family and my last name are the only two things I lied about. Besides, even though I lied to you about those two things, that doesn't change the fact that I still love you."

"I've just had enough of your crap," she said as she began to cry again. "Now take your hand of my shoulder."

He followed her order.

"Don't come looking for me for any reason," she said. "I'll also let you know when I want to begin the divorce process. Goodbye."

She walked out the door with Notaro and her bags.

"Don't do this to me!" said Sano as she left and closed the door.

He then sat back down against the wall.

"Damn it," he said.

He began to cry.

The next couple of days were the worst that he had ever experienced. He ate and slept very little and just wandered around the house. He very rarely went outside. Kenshin and Kaoru just let him be because they felt that there was nothing more they could do. However, Kaoru did try to comfort Megumi at the clinic several times. She pretty much just lent an ear and listened to what Megumi had to say.

Also, throughout this entire ordeal, Kenshin and Kaoru never told Sano and Megumi what do to because they could see both sides of the story. They also felt that it would be best if Sano and Megumi handled this on their own and made their own decisions.

Then one night while Sano was laying on his futon staring up at the ceiling, he came to a realization.

"Maybe Megumi and my family are right. Maybe I am not worthy enough for them. Maybe I should just let them all leave me. Megumi deserves to find a real man who won't deceive her. And my family has a right to exile me and never have anything to do with me again. I'm nothing but a disgusting slime ball."

He then came to another realization.

"No," he said. "I am a decent human being who deserves them, but I have to find a way to prove it though. If I want them back in my life, I'm going to have to do something. But what?"

He lay there and thought about what he could do to try and win them back.

After a couple minutes, he had something.

"I think I have an idea," he said to himself. "It's a long shot, but it's my only hope. If this fails, they will be gone forever. Therefore it has to work, it just has to."

The next day after Sano ate his rice out of the never-ending rice barrel, he went and collected some of his friends. He told them to wait back at his place until he'd get back. He then went out into the city to track down his parents. He hoped that it wasn't too late.

"Due to it being late morning," thought Sano, "They probably are finished with breakfast by now. Therefore, they must be out exploring the city, but where?"

He then spotted them off in the distance at a stand that sells food.

"Wow," thought Sano, "That was easy. Too easy if you ask me. I better be on my guard. That has all the makings of a trap."

He then ran over to them.

"Shouldn't we go and talk to Megumi?" said Outa. "This is affecting her as much as it's affecting us."

"I know," said Kamishimoemon, "But what would we say to her. We barley know her. I mean, we didn't even know she existed until a couple days ago. Plus, I think that it would be best if she were alone for a while. When we get back home, we can send a letter to her."

"Why do you have all your luggage?" said Sano as he came up to them. "What's going on?"

"Not you again," said Uki.

"I can't believe that after you've offended and insulted us beyond all comprehension," said Kamishimoemon, "You still have enough nerve to come to see us. Well, if you must know, I will tell you. We've seen everything in this city so we figured that it time to go. We also finally decided that it was time to get as far away from you as possible."

"Hold on," said Sano. "I apologize for not using our real last name. I now realize that what I did was wrong. You have every reason to hate me, but please listen. I think I have an idea to fix this."

"It's too late," said Kamishimoemon. "Forget it. We're out of here."

"No," said Sano. "I won't let you."

"Listen boy," said Kamishimoemon. "If you don't let us through right now, you leave me no choice but to fight you."

"So be it," said Sano sternly.

He then got into his fighting stance.

"You're such a fool," said Kamishimoemon.

He then dropped his luggage on the ground.

He put his right hand into a fist and swung at Sano. Sano moved up his left arm and blocked the swing. Then taking his right hand, he punched Kamishimoemon right in the face with it.

"Oh crap," said Outa.

Kamishimoemon was stumbling around with a bloody nose until he eventually put one knee and one hand on the ground.

"Damn it," he said.

"Now," said Sano. "We are all going back to my house, where some people are waiting. It is then where I will explain the plan to everyone. Let's move."

Kamishimoemon, Uki, and Outa looked at him.

Everyone followed Sano back to the house. When they got there, Sano decided to introduce everyone.

"Dad, Uki, and Outa " said Sano to his family, "I would like you to meet my neighbor, and friend, Kenshin Himura along with his wife Kaoru and his son Kenji. I met him right after the Sekihoutai got destroyed. Literally, they were all shot, I then fell off a short cliff, and then he wandered by."

"This is such an honor to meet you," said Kaoru. "Not to be offensive, but we just all assumed that you were dead."

"That's okay," said Kamishimoemon. "That's what everybody thinks. We're used to it."

"Also," said Kenshin, "Just for your own personal knowledge, I was the famous Hitokiri Battousai that you've all heard of. Of course I don't do that anymore. I use a sakabatou, or reverse blade sword, to protect others and myself. If you haven't figured it out yet, a sakabatou is non-lethal. It's non-lethal because you don't use the sharp part to attack."

"I'm sorry," said Kamishimoemon, "I've never heard of you."

"Me neither," said Uki.

"Yeah," said Outa. "It doesn't ring a bell."

"That's impossible," said Kenshin. "Everyone has heard of me. I killed one hundred people in my first six months. How could you not have? Where do you live, under a rock?"

"That's enough," said Sano. "And over here we have Katsu Tsukioka. He was the only other surviving member of the Sekihoutai massacre that I told you about earlier. I thought he was dead until one day he just wandered into my house. He nearly scarred Megumi to death."

"That's true," said Katsu, "I just wandered into his house because I have no respect for anyone or their property."

"Well," said Kamishimoemon. "We're pleased to meet you."

"Same here," said Katsu.

"Now," said Sano. "There are going to be other people besides you guys that are involved in this, but they are going to play much smaller roles. Therefore, we just let them know later on. Okay, here is the plan."

Due to the plan's complexity, it was going to take a couple of days to get the whole thing ready to go. Sano only hoped that Megumi could just hold out a little while longer. The last thing he wanted was Megumi to start the divorce thing during the execution of the plan.

After several days, the first step (the preparations) was completed. It was then time to move onto the second step.

Back at the clinic, there were no patients to deal with, so Megumi and Dr. Gensai were at the clinic enjoying some downtime

"Megumi," said Dr. Gensai, "Now I don't know much about relationships or relationship related things, but I feel that you dump this loser and find someone else."

Just then, Kaoru came into the building.

"Megumi," said Kaoru. "May I have a woman to woman chat with you?"

"Yeah, sure," said Megumi.

"Well," said Dr. Gensai as he stood up, "I guess I'll leave so you can have your 'woman to woman' talk."

He then walked right through a rice paper wall.

"That's just great," said Megumi. "Now we're going to have to replace that. What an idiot."

"This is what I've come to talk to you about..." said Kaoru as she knelt down in front of her.

"First," said Megumi, "I have something to say. The role of a husband is to protect, honor, be truthful, be respectable, and to love his wife. Well, Sano has violated most, if not all of those. Now, I've forgiven him on a lot of stuff, but I think my jar of forgiveness is finally empty. I want to get the divorce underway as soon as possible."

"This better work," thought Kaoru. "For if it doesn't, the only thing that Sano's going to be doing in bed is sleeping."

"Well, okay," said Kaoru. "But the reason why I came by is that I figured you needed to get outside. Ever since this whole thing started, you've just moped around in here and never left. I think its time for you to start getting back to your normal life. We can take Notaro along."

"Okay," said Megumi. "I guess I'm getting sick of Dr. Gensai babbling about stupid crap all day long. And the worst part is that he repeats stuff. Did you know that I heard the story about him getting lost in the woods and thinking he found an alternate dimension eleven and a half times."

"How can you have heard the story eleven and a half times?" asked Kaoru.

"Well," said Megumi, "Half way through the eleventh time he was telling me about it, I told him to shut up, and he did just that."

She then went and connected the leash and collar to Notaro, who was lying in the corner of the room.

Megumi, Kaoru, and Notaro left the room.

Dr. Gensai then came back through the hole in the wall, which he made earlier.

"Good," he said. "They're gone."

He then realized something.

"As I now think about it," he said to himself, "I probably shouldn't have told her to dump him because of the plan and all."

He then turned around.

"Ayame! Suzume!" yelled Dr. Gensai as he walked back through the hole. "It's time to go. Hey, put down that scalpel. I told you two it's not a toy. It's used for surgical procedures and gutting fish."

"Thanks for dragging me out," said Megumi as they were walking around, "It's such a lovely day out today. Uh…are we just going to be walking around aimlessly or is there a point to this?"

"Well, there is a point," said Kaoru.

They then kept walking until they arrived to Megumi's former house.

"Why are we here?" said Megumi. "Don't tell me that this was a ploy to just get me to try and work things out with Sano. If it is, it's not going to work. I hate that man and that will never change."

"Well," said Kaoru. "It's kind of like that, but not really."

She then grabbed Megumi's arm.

"Come on Notaro," she said. "I'm going to need your help too."

They then both started to pull her to the backyard.

"No way," said Megumi as she resisted. "I'm not going to try and work this out. Sano and I are finished."

She then let go of Notaro's leash, causing him to run away from them.

"Wow," said Kaoru. "I didn't put as much thought into this as I should have."

"Stop it," said Megumi as she tried to pull back.

"Come on!" yelled Kaoru. "Stop resisting. You don't want me to break out the bokken and whip you in the ass, do you?"

She eventually got her near the corner of the house.

"Looks like I'm going to have to pull out the big guns," she yelled.

She then went behind Megumi, ran and tackled her, causing them both to fly around the corner with Megumi landing face first into the ground and Kaoru landing face first on top of her.

"Wow," said Kaoru. "Now as I think about it. I could've just pushed her. I didn't need to tackle her. I really didn't put as much thought into this as I should have."

"Get off me," screamed Megumi, "Before I decimate you where you stand."

"Fine, whatever," said Kaoru.

She then pulled herself of Megumi.

Megumi then lifted her head up and looked up only to see Sano kneeling in front of her.

"What's going on?" she said.

"I need her to be standing up for this to work," said Sano.

Kaoru then came back over and pried her off the ground and on to her feet.

"You owe me big time for this," said Kaoru as she walked away.

"Okay," said Sano. "What I did to you was one of the worst thing that I've ever done to anyone and I'm here to try and make that up to you. Sanosuke Sagara is dead. I killed him. I now come to you as Sanosuke Higashidani. Megumi, would you marry me and become Megumi Higashidani?"

He then presented her the ring that she threw at him, while they were both at the clinic.

Megumi was absolutely speechless. This was the most caring and sweet thing that anyone has ever done for her. She also realized that this was the chance for her and Sano to start all over again, but this time on the correct path. Sano actually proved to her that he really cared about her. Because of this, she couldn't refuse.

"I accept," she said.

Sano then grabbed her hand and stuck the ring on the correct finger.

He then stood up and put his arms around her. They then both started making out.

"Okay," said Kenshin, "Can we go now?"

"No," said Kaoru. "We have to stay for the whole thing."

Sano and Megumi kept making out. Eventually, Sano's hand found its way down to her butt.

"Okay," said Kaoru, "I'm going to go over and break it up. I don't want to be stuck here for two days."

She went over to Sano.

"Sano," whispered Kaoru into his ear. "It's time to move onto the next thing."

Sano stopped kissing her.

"Oh yeah," he said. "Thanks."

"No problem," said Kaoru as she left.

"Megumi," he said. "Now, we're going to recreate our wedding. This time it will be done right because we'll use the correct last name."

"Are you serious?" said Megumi incredibly happy.

"Okay people," yelled Sano. "Let's get into the proper formations. It's time to start the wedding."

He then gave his attention to Megumi.

"Oh yeah," he said. "One more thing I almost forgot."

He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a lily.

"I went out into the woods and picked this for you," he said. "I ended up getting attacked by some insects, but nevertheless, I got it for you."

"Oh Sano," said Megumi. "It's beautiful."

"I thought that you could wear it in your hair," he said. "You know like during our first date."

"I'd love to," said Megumi.

Sano then put it in above her left ear.

"Let's do this people," yelled Sano.

"I'm confused," said Kenji. "I thought that Sano and Megumi were already married."

"They still are married," said Kaoru.

"Then why are they getting married again?" said Kenji.

"Don't you listen," said Kaoru. "That's because the first time they got married they used the wrong last name."

"Oh, I get it now. So in order to use the correct name, they had to redo the ceremony using the correct name."

"Technically, they could've just changed their last name, but Sano decided to restage the whole wedding for sentimental and symbolic purposes. Also, it was the only way that he had a chance of getting Megumi and his family back. Simply changing their last name wouldn't have been enough for them. He had to do something that really showed them that he cared."

"Now I definitely get it. Women are just really difficult creatures who require absurd demands from men."

"Yes…I mean no. Listen, he did it just because he loves her all right."

"Why did we come to this thing?" said Dante from Devil May Cry.

"Because there was going to be free food," said Kratos from God of War.

"Where are all the hot single women?" said Ryu from Ninja Gaiden.

"I sure hope that this thing doesn't take too long," said the Prince from Prince of Persia, "Because afterwards, I have to go to Australia and take out all the wallabies before they take over the continent and turn everyone into slaves."

Dante, Kratos, and Ryu just looked at him.

As for the actual ceremony itself, I will not explain it because I, Zombie-13, have no knowledge of Japanese culture because Electron-6 and I are Americans. Because of that, I will just fast forward to the after party.

"I would sincerely like to thank you guys," said Sano to Kenshin, Kaoru, Kenji, Kamishimoemon, Uki, and Outa, and Katsu. "I couldn't have pulled this thing off without you. I would like to give special thanks to my family for accepting the plan and forgiving me. I also would like to give special thanks to Kaoru because she did a lot of the grunt work and for not hurting Megumi. I also would like to extend special thanks to Katsu Tsukioka, for he was the bringer of alcohol."

"Hey," said Kenshin. "What about me? I did a lot of stuff."

"Actually," said Katsu, "You didn't. Sano just told us what the plan was going to be, you said "okay", and that was it."

"Well," said Kenshin, "That was his fault, not mine. He didn't give me anything to do."

"That's because there was nothing for you to do," said Sano. "And besides, if I did assign you a task, you would've just screwed it up anyway."

During sometime when Sano and Megumi were alone, Katsu decided that was the perfect opportunity to present his surprise.

"Here," said Katsu as he came up to them, "I have a gift for you guys."

"I said no gifts," said Sano. "This was about my winning my wife and family back, not about meaningless presents that we wouldn't like anyway."

"Oh come on," said Megumi. "We get something for free. In my book, that never is a bad thing."

Katsu handed Sano the box.

Sano opened it and pulled it out. He and Megumi faces turned bright red with embarrassment.

"Didn't think that I'd get you the Kamasutram, did you?" said Katsu. "Judging by your past behavior, I thought that it'd be the perfect gift. I even went through and book marked all the stuff that I thought you guys would like. I carefully hand picked each selection based on a unique list of complex variables."

"Thanks," said Sano.

"Yeah," said Megumi. "This is wonderful."

"Good," said Katsu. "I'm glad you like it. I expect it to be used quite a bit."

He then left.

"That was creepy," said Sano.

"Tell me about it," said Megumi. "But the fact is, we would have bought it somewhere down the line anyway. So in a way, this was a nice gesture. A perverted gesture, but a nice gesture."

When night finally came, everybody decided to leave. They were all pretty tired, and besides, all the booze ran out.

"I'm going back home," said Kenji to Kenshin and Kaoru. "I have no purpose here anymore."

He then left.

"I like weddings," said Kaoru. "They make me so happy, and well, horny. What do you say, that when we get back home we break out the body oil? You can rub it all over my body. No area is off limits. I can then do the same for you. Then we can see where it goes from there."

"Wow," said Kenshin. "For some strange reason, I am not repulsed by that at all. I actually find that arousing. Let's go. We're burning nighttime."

They both ran off as fast as they could.

"We're heading back in," said Kamishimoemon. "We're going to head back home tomorrow, so we need to get some rest."

"Can't you stay little longer?" said Sano.

"I'm afraid not," said Kamishimoemon. "If we stay too long, our neighbors will think that we left for good and then they'll ransack the house for stuff they want."

"Okay," said Sano.

Kamishimoemon, Uki, and Outa went inside.

"I want to thank you," said Megumi. "I said all those horrible things to you and called you all those horrible names. I was wrong all along. You are the nicest, most caring, and most loving man I have ever known. Is there anything thing I can do to make this up to you?"

"There is one thing," said Sano. "We can recreate our original wedding night."

"Sure," said Megumi. "That sounds fantastic. Besides, I was going to suggest that anyway."

Sano picked her up bridal style and carried her into their home and then into their bedroom.

Sano quickly removed all of his clothes (including his headband), while Megumi did the same (including the flower). After they were done, they both kneeled down on the futon in front of each other. Sano then put his arms around her and brought her right up against his body. They then started making out. While they were doing this, Sano had to feel up her womanly figure everywhere. Megumi pushed him onto the futon and crawled on top of him.

"I was reading that Kamasutram earlier today," said Megumi as she rubbed his chest, "And I found something. Just sit back and relax. I'll do all the work. The only thing you have to do is enjoy the ride."

"Is this one of those things Katsu book marked?" asked Sano as he put his hands around her waist.

"Yes," said Megumi.

"Wow!" said Sano. "I can't believe that we're actually going to try one of his recommendations. I hope its good. If it is, I'll have him recommend everything we do both sexually and non-sexually."

"I think we should stop talking about him during this," said Megumi. "It's really weird and disturbing."

"Okay," said Sano. "You're the love doctor."

She then sat up to a kneeling position.

Notaro had to go outside, so Kamishimoemon took him out. When they came back inside, Notaro took over Kamishimoemon's pillow and laid down on it.

"Great," said Kamishimoemon. "I need a new pillow, but I don't know where they are. I'm just going to have to ask Sano."

Kamishimoemon went up to their bedroom and opened it.

Sano let go of Megumi's butt.

She then jumped off him went under the covers, which Sano also did.

"Oh," said Kamishimoemon, "I see you're making me a grandchild."

"Get out of here," said Sano. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Relax," said Kamishimoemon as he came into the room. "Everybody does it. It's a natural act. Oh, yeah. Just for your own personal knowledge, this was one of me and Naname's favorite positions."

"We don't want to hear that," said Megumi. "Get out of here."

"Wait," said Kamishimoemon. "I actually came here for something. Notaro stole my pillow and I need a new one. Where are they?"

"They're in a storage closet down the hall," said Megumi.

"Okay, thanks," said Kamishimoemon. "Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Do you want a tip? One of me and Naname's other favorite things to do was…"

"I don't want to get this kind of advice from my father," said Sano. "Just leave and don't come back until morning."

"Fine," said Kamishimoemon.

He then left and closed the door behind him.

"That was really disturbing," said Megumi.

"I hope the mood isn't ruined," said Sano.

"Not even close," said Megumi. "How about I hop back on and this time you can fondle and caress my breasts?"

"Excellent," said Sano. "Let's do it."

The next morning came like any other day, but this time with Sano and Megumi very exhausted. Megumi just slept on top of Sano, while using his chest as a pillow.

"Is it morning already?" said Sano.

He then felt some liquid on his chest.

"Oh man," said Sano. "Megumi drooled on me."

He then ran his fingers through her hair.

"Wake up," he said. "It's morning.

"What?" said Megumi as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"You have to make breakfast for my family before they get pissed," he said. "That's something you don't want to deal with."

"They can shove it," said Megumi.

"I know," said Sano has he was still caressing her hair, "But you have to. We had our fun, now it's time for work. And don't worry, I'll help you. I'm not going to let my hot little playmate do all the work."

"Good," said Megumi.

Sano helped Megumi make her universe famous ohagi. During the actual consumption of the breakfast, nothing really happened except when Outa spilled his glass of water.

"I hope to see you again," said Kamishimoemon to Sano as they were all outside.

"Well," said Sano. "You can come and visit anytime you want."

"Same thing to you," said Kamishimoemon.

"I also would like to apologize for this whole mess again," said Sano. "I should've never changed my last name. I can't believe that I put my own captain above my own family. I was such a fool."

"It's okay," said Kamishimoemon. "I also would like to apologize for yelling at you. I am not ashamed that you're my son. I am very proud that you're my son. The idea of recreating your wedding day was excellent. You realized what you did was wrong and you corrected it in a worthy way. You took away the shame that you placed on this family and replaced it with honor. And for that, I am grateful."

"Thanks dad," said Sano.

"One more thing," said Kamishimoemon. "Keep working on my grandchild. The next time I come I expect to see at least one."

"Yeah, sure," said Sano.

He then gave his attention to Megumi.

"Like I said before," said Kamishimoemon, "We are very honored to have you be a part of this family. As for last night, I am sorry."

"That's okay," said Megumi. "Crap like that happens."

"Just for the record," said Kamishimoemon, "I did see you in all your glory. I have to admit that you do have a gorgeous body though."

"Uh…thank you," said Megumi.

"Let's get a move on," said Kamishimoemon to Uki and Outa. "We don't want the neighbors ransacking our house."

Kamishimoemon, Outa, and Uki picked up their luggage and left.

"I also would like to apologize to you again," said Sano. "A husband should never lie to his wife about anything like what I lied to you about."

"It's okay," said Megumi. "Like your father just said 'You realized what you did was wrong and you corrected it in a worthy way.'

"Thank you," said Sano.

"I am so glad they're gone," said Megumi.

"Me too," said Sano. "Me too.

The End


	36. Episode 36

THAT'S ART FOLKS

It was a nice warm morning and Sano was sitting on the front porch.

"Ah, this is the life," said Sano.

Just then Megumi walked by the front door, which was open.

"Is that all you're going to do today?" asked Megumi annoyed.

Sano turned his head to her.

"Yeah," he said.

"Oh, I get it now," said Megumi. "As soon as I am out of the picture, productivity drops to zero around here."

All of a sudden Notaro came by the door.

"Now it's more like a negative number," said Sano who really didn't care. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work by now? You know Dr. Gensai can be a real hard ass about these kinds of things."

"It's my day off," said Megumi. "Which means productivity is going to increase to 100."

"Cool," said Sano.

"Wrong 'productivity'," said Megumi.

"Not cool," grumbled Sano.

"Your first chore to do is to clean out the bedroom," said Megumi. "There's a lot of garbage in there we need to get rid of."

"I'm on it," said Sano as he got up and dragged himself to the bedroom.

"Let's see what we got here," he said as he looked through the closet.

He pulled out some mud.

"Okay…" he said.

Then he pulled out a deck of burnt playing cards.

"Huh?" he said.

Next he pulled out a pair of old sandals.

"We don't need these," he said.

And finally he pulled out a gray cube. There were all kinds of weird symbols on it. He flipped it over and found a message. Then he read it out loud.

"'If found, please return to Cybertron,'" he said. "Yeah right."

He chucked the cube behind him. Then he continued on his cleaning adventure. When he got done, he put everything into a big garbage bag and took it outside. Out there he ran into Megumi who was sweeping the porch.

"I'm going to haul this to the dump," he said.

"Okay," she said. "But come back home after you're done. Don't get caught up in some half-assed adventure okay?"

"Can do," he said as he saluted her.

He walked out the gate and onto the road. As he passed the Himura house he saw Kenshin outside.

"How convenient," said Sano. "Want to come with me to the dump?"

"Sure," said Kenshin.

As they were walking Kenshin said, "How do we pass the time?"

"We can play a game," said Sano. "Try to guess what's in this garbage bag."

"Let's see," said Kenshin. "Did Notaro get into Kaoru's cooking and die, so you're dragging his body off to the dump in it?"

"Not even close, but good imagination," said Sano.

They kept talking until they reached the city. They kept walking down the road when they reached a place with a bunch of apartments in it. While they were walking past them, one of the doors opened up and Katsu came out.

"I thought it was you guys," said Katsu. "I could hear you inside."

"Hey Katsu," said Sano. "What do you want?"

"I'm doing some caricatures of important people in the revolution, and I was wondering if I could I make one of Kenshin," said Katsu.

"You want me for your work?" said Kenshin shocked.

"Yes," said Katsu. "You were really important."

"What about Captain Sagara?" asked Sano. "Why can't you just do more of him?"

"You can only do him so many times," said Katsu. "I want to do something different."

"But I changed my last name," said Sano. "We have to honor him somehow."

"So how about it?" said Katsu ignoring Sano. "Are you in?"

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "It's about time all this killing finally paid off."

"Come by tomorrow," said Katsu.

He walked back inside.

Kenshin and Sano started off to the dump again.

"I'll go down in history as a work of art," said Kenshin. "I'll be immortalized."

"I don't know why he would even want you," said Sano. "You were the enemy."

"Greatness is greatness my dear lad," said Kenshin.

After their run to the dump, Kenshin and Sano went back home (Sano went because he had to while Kenshin went because he wanted to tell everybody the news).

When Kenshin got home he saw Kaoru standing at the gate looking furious.

"Where were you?" she shouted. "I've been trying to find you for a long time."

"I was with Sano," he said. "He asked me to go to the dump with him and I said yes."

"Every time I ask you to get off your dead ass you won't," she said. "But when Sano wants you to you can't seem to do it fast enough. If he jumped off a cliff would you follow him too?"

"Is the bottom of the cliff filled with candy?" he asked.

"That doesn't matter," she said. "Oh never mind. I should be thankful you at least came back."

"Well," he said, "While you were busy being Kaoru, Kaoru. I walked into a great opportunity. Katsu was going to do some caricatures of important people in the revolution, and he wants to do one of me."

"Honestly," she said with a blank look on her face. "I didn't see that one coming."

He walked back inside the house.

Later that day when they were eating dinner, they talked about it.

"That's neat dad," said Kenji.

"Yeah," said Kaoru. "I'm really happy for you."  
"This starts chapter two of my life, the good years," said Kenshin.

"Well I think we should celebrate later, if you catch my drift," said Kaoru.

"Sorry," said Kenshin. "I have to be in peak physical shape for this."

He turned his attention to Kenji.

"Want to do some night sumo wrestling?" asked Kenshin.

"Bring it on," said Kenji sneeringly.

The two of them raced outside and into the dojo.

The next day Kenshin left for Katsu's house like he was supposed to. When he got to the door opened and somebody walked out that wasn't Katsu. Then Katsu came out.

"Who was she?" asked Kenshin.

"It wasn't what you think, she had her clothes on," said Katsu. "I did a caricature of her."

"Got it," said Kenshin in an I-don't-believe-you kind of voice.

"I have more that one target market Kenshin," said Katsu. "People buy that stuff. But to tell you the truth, I do this to meet women too."

"Does it work?" asked Kenshin.

"Kind of," said Katsu. "The one you just saw told be to drop dead first before she'd go out with me. I'm not exactly sure how that would work though. Well anyway, just come on in."

Kenshin walked inside and Kenji came in behind him.

"What's he doing here?" asked Katsu.

"Kaoru wanted him to come along," said Kenshin. "She thought is might be a good educational experience for him. You know, get some culture in his life."

"Okay," said Katsu. "Take a seat and I'll get some tea."

As he poured the tea Katsu was trying to figure out how to do the caricature.

"So," said Katsu. "What ideas do you have?"

"I was thinking macho," said Kenshin. "After all I was Hitokiri Battousai. Picture it Katsu: an ocean of blood with a platform floating on it with me battling a half-zombie half-vampire monster to save a hot maiden that it captured. You know by hot maiden that she wouldn't be Kaoru. I also want a storm in the background with all kinds of cool lightning and rain. And don't be afraid to use the color scheme of 300."

"I was thinking of something more realistic," said Katsu.

"How can you prove that what I want isn't realistic," said Kenshin. "You can't."

"Enough nonsense," said Katsu. "Get your ass over there and let's get started."

Kenshin walked over to where Katsu pointed, which was the other side of the room. Katsu had his gear all out and was ready to go.

"You might want to takes notes Kenji," said Katsu.

"But I don't have anything to write with or on," said Kenji.

"That's because you have to think outside the box," said Katsu.

"Huh?" asked Kenji with a confused look on his face.

"Let's get started," said Katsu. "Okay Kenshin, what I want you to do is…

"To go ballistic?" said Kenshin.

He started screaming.

"My underwear is too small! The sun's too big! Why can't I have diplomatic immunity?"

"I said 'more realistic,' not 'go ballistic,' said Katsu forcefully.

"Whoops," said Kenshin.

"If everyone's done being insane…," said Katsu.

"Hold on," said Kenji. "I have to do something."

He farted.

"…Let's do this thing," said Katsu now annoyed. "All right Kenshin, I want you to stand still."

Kenshin just stood there like a dear in headlights (yes I know headlights weren't around back then, but it was the best way to describe it).

"Don't look like somebody tried to explain to you what a novel is," said Katsu. "Look more serious. This will make the caricature more dramatic and professional."

Kenshin tried to look more serious.

"Now you look like you can't go to the bathroom," said Katsu.

Basically they spent the next six hours trying to get it right. They tried different lighting, angles, backgrounds, and styles. It even got to the point where they tried to make it so bad that it was good, but nothing worked. All that they accomplished was making a pile of twenty crumpled up caricatures on the floor of Katsu's apartment.

"I don't get it," said Katsu. "Nothing's working."

"You should have drawn the scene where my dad's pants fell down," said Kenji.

"I'm a serious artist," said Katsu. "There's more than meets the eye here. There has to be someway to make you look good."

"You said that you don't do those kinds of caricatures?" asked Kenshin.

"From what Kaoru says, that wouldn't cut it either," said Katsu. "I think I'm going to have to sit and think about this. Why don't the two of you come back tomorrow?"

"Wow," said Kenshin. "You don't have a life."

"It's better than having your life," Katsu snickered.

"That's hitting below the belt," said Kenshin.

"You may very well be my toughest challenge yet," said Katsu. "But I will make a good caricature of you even if it costs me my life. I have to become part of the work. For that is the way of art. It is a brutal path but the rewards at the end of it are fruitful."

"Let's get out of here dad," whispered Kenji. "Now he's spitting crazy talk."

"Yeah," said Kenshin. "No normal person takes art this seriously."

He turned his attention to Katsu.

"See you tomorrow," said Kenshin.

"Yep," said Katsu.

Kenshin and Kenji left Katsu's apartment and headed for home.

"What are we going to tell mom?" asked Kenji.

"Whatever happened," said Kenshin. "But first we'll clean it up a bit. I don't want Kaoru ruining my chance at immortality, even if Katsu's been sniffing the paint too much."

The next day Kenshin and Kenji came back to Katsu's apartment like he told them too.

"Okay," said Katsu as they walked in the door. "I think I know what went wrong yesterday."

"How can you know?" asked Kenshin. "It happened to me and I don't even know."  
"It goes like this," said Katsu. "The problem was that you couldn't act serious; you always looked like a jackass. Well, that was because you weren't being serious for _real_. And I can only draw what I see, so if you screw up I don't stand a chance."

"Okay…," said Kenshin who still wasn't sure what he said. "What do we do about it?"  
"What you have to do is get in touch with your serious side," said Katsu. "Then when you act serious, it's for real."

"How do I do that?" asked Kenshin.

"Think of something that will put you in the mood," said Katsu.

"Okay," said Kenshin as he was thinking. "I'm thinking, nothing's happening, this is dumb, blah, blah, blah, blah…"

Just then he dropped to his knees. He raised his arms into the air and shouted, "Shishio!"

"You're not supposed to have a nervous breakdown," said Katsu. "And not far enough back in time either."

Kenshin stood back up.

"My caricature is supposed to be of Hitokiri Battousai from the revolution," said Katsu. "So just drag that part of yourself out."  
"Hold it right there buddy," said Kenshin. "Saito's been trying to do that for years and he's practically the lord of lacerations. There's no way you'll be able to do it."

"We have to try," said Katsu.

"Just fake it," said Kenshin.

"That's too hard," said Katsu. "And I don't want to cheat either. You have to be a team player."

"This isn't fair," said Kenshin. "When I said yes to this I just assumed you'd be doing all the work and I'd be taking all the credit."

"Welcome to the real world," said Katsu. "I'm Katsu and I'll be your tour guide. The first stop on our trip is the castle of backbreaking labor."

"That was weak," said Kenji.

"Why do you even speak?" said Katsu. "You never say anything of value."

"That's because I always have to be a part of whatever's going on," said Kenji.

"Good," said Katsu. "Then pick up that bag of stuff. We're heading out."

Kenshin, Katsu, and Kenji left his apartment and walked out of the city. They went down to the shore of the Pacific Ocean and went to a spot that had all these boulders on it.

"Thar she blows," said Katsu.

"You're right," said Kenji. "It does blow."

"Just set up my stuff slave boy," said Katsu.

"What is this place?" asked Kenshin.

"The perfect backdrop for my caricature," said Katsu. "I found it earlier. This will make you look more heroic."

"Where do you want me?" asked Kenshin.

"Up on that boulder," said Katsu as he pointed to it.

Kenshin went up to it and struggled trying to climb it. After a couple of minutes he got on top of it and sat down.

"Your work station is set up master," said Kenji sarcastically.

"Excellent," said Katsu. "Now be gone."

"As you wish," said Kenji sarcastically.

Katsu went to his post and then gave further directions to Kenshin.

"First try to make yourself serious for real," said Katsu.

"I don't know how long that will take," said Kenshin.

"We can wait," said Katsu.

Kenshin just sat there looking at Buddha knows what for what seemed like forever. Just then something happened, kind of.

"I just felt some weird vibe," said Katsu. "Keep it right there Kenshin."  
He started to do his caricature.

While this was going on Kenji was skipping rocks into the ocean.

After a while Kenshin started to slip off the rock.

"I'm going down," blurted out Kenshin.

"Hang on for just a little while longer," said Katsu. "I'm almost done."

Kenshin tried to keep himself on the rock as best as he could.

"Hurry up, hurry up," thought Kenshin.

"Hold it, hold it," thought Katsu.

It was a race against time (you had to be there to get the full affect). These few moments seemed like they would never end.

"Man overboard!" yelled Kenshin.

"Done!" screamed Katsu with joy.

Kenshin fell off the rock into the ocean. He made a big splash and just lay there for a minute. Then he got back up and went over by Katsu. Kenji also wandered back over to him.

"Ah," said Katsu. "My masterpiece…compared to the other ones."

"This isn't too bad," said Kenji.

"I think I have some dignity in it," said Kenshin.

"I think this is the best it's going to get," said Katsu. "Even though we had to do some detective work, face many brainless distractions, and slam you into the ocean, we got it done. I think we have a shot here with this."

"Finally," said Kenshin. "We can go home."

"Yeah," said Kenji. "I've run out of material."

"I'm going to make some copies of this," said Katsu. "And run them over to the caricature stand in the city. Sometime tomorrow I should know how they're doing and then I'll stop by."

He put all his stuff away.

"Let's roll out," said Kenji.

"Ah," groaned Kenshin as he started to walk. "My superb ass, I think it's broken."

"That's fine Kenshin, as long as you brought enough for everybody," said Katsu as he was checking his caricature.

Kenshin, Kenji, and Katsu went back to his apartment. They said their farewells and then they were on their way. When they got home they spent the rest of the day just relaxing and telling Kaoru about their endeavor.

The next day while Kaoru was teaching her class, Kenshin and Kenji waited around until Katsu came over. Kaoru's class ended and still no Katsu, so they had lunch. Then Kaoru had to teach her next class. Kenshin and Kenji then begged Sano and Notaro to come over to keep them entertained until Katsu came. Well Kaoru got done with her second class and Katsu still did not come by. Instead of waiting with them though she left for some errands. Then the four of them lounged around until Megumi got out of work and came over to their house.

After another couple of hours of waiting, people started to fall asleep. Kenji lay on the floor and started to bang his head on it.

"Stop that," said Megumi. "You're going to get a brain hemorrhage."

"Me no feel…something," said Kenji dazed.

Another minute went by and then they heard footsteps. Then the sliding door opened. It was Katsu.

"Hey all," said Katsu.

"Can't you knock?" asked Kenji.

"No," said Katsu. "It's some medical condition I have."

Kenji just waved at him and looked away.

"So how did it go?" asked Kenshin with glee.

"Not, not bad," said Katsu.

"Yes!" shrieked Kenshin as he put his hands into fists.

Megumi whacked Kenshin in the head with her hand.

"What the…?" said Kenshin.

"Just filling in for Kaoru," said Megumi. "But on a different note, he meant it went bad."

"Didn't you sell any?" asked Kenshin.

All of a sudden Kaoru walked into the living room.

"Look what I just bought," said Kaoru happily.

"That doesn't count," said Kenshin.

"Okay," said Katsu. "That brings the total to zero then."

"How?" asked Kenshin. "I came up with a million different scenarios in my head about this, and in all of them it was a big hit."

Katsu took a deep breath.

"You see," he said. "Even though you were serious in the caricature, people didn't get it. You've been Kenshin Himura for so long, that people think of you like that. They have a hard time trying to think of you as Hitokiri Battousai. You kind of ruined your image permanently. Not to mention a lot of people weren't even aware of your existence in the revolution. And let's not forget that you just don't work well in caricatures."

"So I was doomed from the start," whimpered Kenshin.

"Pretty much," said Katsu. "But look on the bright side, this one flew through the roof."

He took a caricature out of his shirt and showed it to Kenshin.

"This is Notaro!" yelled Kenshin shocked.

"Yeah," said Katsu. "Sano kept harassing me to do one of him for some reason."

"I was bored," said Sano proudly as he pointed to himself.

"You just can't keep them on the shelves," said Katsu. "I guess people like cuddly furry things more than you. Who knew?"

He handed the caricature to Sano.

"I thought you might like one," said Katsu. "It's on the house."

"Yes!" screamed Sano as he pointed both his forefingers at Kenshin. "In your face, I'm the man, I kicked your ass, never mess with the master of the universe…"

"You can stop now," said Megumi embarrassed. "It's not like you did anything."

"I own him," said Sano. "That means it has everything to do with me."

"Well I don't care what anybody else thinks," said Kaoru as she took out the caricature she just bought. "I love it."

"Of course you would," said Kenshin. "You're just some obsessed fan girl who will buy any piece of junk that has anything to do with me."

"True," said Kaoru. "But at least somebody likes it."

"There goes my immortality," said Kenshin.

"Look at it this way," said Megumi. "Some people will still remember the things you did during the revolution. You won't be forgotten."

"Yeah," grumbled Kenshin. "But they could have done that plus get a caricature of me. You just won't get the full effect this way."

"I'm so happy for you," said Sano as he petted Notaro. "I think a celebration is in order."

He stood up.

"Listen up everybody," said Sano. "Party at my place in honor of Notaro's caricature and everybody is invited."

"Sweet," said Katsu. "Let me get some of my bombs for pyrotechnics."

He rushed out the door.

"Come on Megumi," said Sano. "We have to get home and get the food ready."

He grabbed Notaro and the three of them left.

"So are you going to the party dad?" asked Kenji.

"I have to pay my respects to Notaro," said Kenshin. "He just upstaged Sano, and he's a dog without a clue of what's going on."

"We'll see you there," said Kaoru and she and Kenji left for the party.

Kenshin was alone in the house now. He left the living room and walked out onto the porch. It was dusk now. He just stood there staring into the sky for a minute.

"Maybe one day I'll get a break," said Kenshin to himself. "Maybe one day someone will keep my memory alive by making fan art of me or writing fan fiction of me. I just hope I'm alive to see that day."

He walked over to the party.

The End


End file.
